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and that's all that have come across me-and Sir Har. I don't know you, friend; keep your my pride won't let me be long out of this. I distance, [Claps his hands on his pockets. will go directly to Mr. Belford's, where we'll lay Slip. Don't you know me, sir? our head's together, and beget such a piece of Sir Har. It cannot be Slip, sure! Is this the mischief, that shall be too hard for the devil him- fool's coat my son ordered you for his wedding? self, if he has the impudence to try confusions Slip. Yes sir; and a genteel thing it is upon with me.
What you had a mind to surprise your
friends ? Who thought of you at London, sir? SCENE III.-The street before STOCKWELL'S Sir Har. I set out soon after you, lame as I house.
was. I bethought me, it looked better to settle Enter STOCKWELL, MARTIN, und Slip.
matters of such consequence with Mr. Stockwell
viva voce, than to trust it to a servant. Stock. Come, son-in-law, we'll go to my bank- Slip. You were always a nice observer of deer's, and see how our cash stands, and settle corums? You are going now to Mr. Slockwell's ? matters as well as we can.
Sir Har. Directly.
[Going to knock Mar. I'll attend you, sir, with pleasure-cash, Slip. Hold your desperate hand ! and thank or notes, all the same to me.
Fortune that brought me hither for your rescue. Stock. I wish you would take the houses, son- Sir Hur. Why, what's the matter? Rescue me, in-law; 'twould be more convenient for me, and quoth-a! Have you seen them, Slip. a greater advantage to you !
Slip. Seen them! ay, and felt them, too. I Mar. Advantage, sir! I scorn to take any am just escaped. The old lady is in a damned advantage of you I hate mean views. I de- passion with you, I can tell you. sire nothing better than my bargain. The mo- Sir Har, With me! ney and your daughter's charms are sufficient
Slip. Ay, that she is. How, says she, does the for your poor Mart-humble servant. old fool think to fob us off with a flam and a
Stock. Well, well, come along; we don't sham of a dirty trollop? Must my daughter's quite understand one another.
[Erit. reputation-and, then, she bridled and stalked Mar. But we do. [To Slip.] The day's our up to me thus, sir. own; get every thing ready to make our retreat Sir Har. How ! but there's no answering a good.
silly woman: how can this affect her daughter's Slip. Ay, ay, get you the money, and I'll be character ? ready with the equipage. [Erit MARTIN Slip. That's what I said. Madam, says
I • Thus far our arms have with success been but you can't expect a woman in a fury to hear crowned :
reason : 'tis almost as much as they can do,
when they are cool. No, no: as for her arguI have only one doubt remaining, and that's a- ment, it was sad stuff! Will the world, says she, bout this same portion. I don't relish this di- believe such a
no, no; they'll think the viding a booty. How shall I cheat Martin ? I old hunks has found some flaw in our circumshould deserve to be canonized could I but stances, and so won't stand to his bargain. cheat that rogue
I must e'en throw Sir Har. Poh! Nothing disguises a woman the young lady in his way, and persuade him, for like passion. Though it may become a man our better security, to pass the night with her: sometimesso leave him with the shell, while I slip off with Slip. Lud, sir! you would not know her athe kernel. A tempting bait ! But no-stand gain--her eyes stare in her head, and she can't off
, Satan! Tis against our fundamental laws.- see a creature. On a sudden, (for I pushed the We adventurers have ten times the honour of argument pretty home) she caught hold of my your fair traders. [Going, and stops.] Why, throat, thus, sir; and knocked me down with the what! Sure it can't be! Zounds, if it should! It butt end of her fan. is the very man! Our little, old, withered, fiery Sir Har. Did she? But wbat did her husband gentleman, by all that's terrible ! from what a say to this ? Let us hear that. fine dream will this gouty spitfire awake us ! Slip. Oh, sir, I found him pretty reasonable ! He's certainly going to Mr. Stockwell's, and his He only shewed me the dvor, and kicked me gunpowder will blow up all at once! If Martin down stairs. and' Mr. Stockwell don't return too soon from Sir Har. If he's for that work, we can kick, the banker's, I may send him away; 'tis our last too. stake, and I must play it like a gamester.
Slip. Dear sir, consider your gout.
Sir Hur. No, sir! when my blood is up, I neEnter Sır HARRY HARLOWE.
ver feel the gout. But could they possibly take Sir Har. I don't know how my old friend it amiss, that I consented to my son's marStockwell may receive me after this disappoint- riage? I doubt you did not explaiu circuina snent,
Slip. Stay till you see Mr. Stockwell, my old Slip. I told them plain enough; I thought friend" [Aside.] Bless me, what do I see! Sir that my young master, having begun the cereHarry, is it you? Indeed, your honour? Your mony at the wrong end, the family were going very humble servant !
ding-dong to law; and that you had bebaved
like a man of honour, and very wisely Stock. Eh ! sure, if my eyes don't deceive me, compounded matters.
there is somebody very like my old friend and Sir. Har. And did not this convince them?
your father, Sir Harry Harlowe! Slip. I say convince ! They are in a pretty Slip. Damnably like, indeed, sir ! temper to be convinced! If you will take a Sir Har. He looks like the devil at me; but fool's couusel, you should return to your inn, I'll be even with him. and never think of convincing them.
Stock. What, my dear friend, is it you? Sir Har. They are for kicking, are they! I Sir Har. None of your hypocritical palavers could have kicked pretty well myself once. We with me! Keep your distance, you dissembling shall see what they would be at
old fool you, or I'll teach you better manners, [Going, is stopt by Slip. than to kick my servant down stairs. Slip. Indeed, sir, you shall not. What! have Stock. What do you mean, Sir Harry ?-He's your face scratched by an old woman, or be run mad sure ! through the body with a rusty sword? Indeed [They stand and stare at each other, and Sir you sball not.
HARRY shakes his sword. Sir Har. [Endeavouring to draw his sword.] Mar. Nothing can save us now, Slip! We have swords, that run through bodies, as Slip. Trip up his heels, and fly with the mowell as they; ay, and pistols too! If he will ney to the post-chaise; while I tread upon my quarrel, I'm his man. Steel or lead, 'tis all one old master's toes, that he mayo't follow us. to me. A passionate old fool! I'll cool lim; Mar. We have nothing else for it-Have at kick me down stairs !
them! Slip. Lord, sir ! you are so hot! You forget; Stock. Nay, but Sir Harry! it was me he kicked down stairs, not you !
[As they approach the old gentleman, BelSir Har. 'Tis the same thing, sir. Whoever ford comes in behind with constables, kicks you, kicks ine by proxy-nay, worse ; you
and seizes them.] have only the kicks, but I have the affront- Bel. Have I caught you, rascals ;-in the very
Slip. If the kicks are the best, I shall be con- pick too! Secure them, constables. tent with the worst another time. Undone, un- Stock. What, in the name of wonder, are you done! This way, this way, sir. Let us go this about ! way
-there will certainly be bloodshed. Bel. I have a double pleasure in this; for I Sir Har. What is the matter, you fool? What have not only discovered two villains, but at the art afraid of ?
very time, sir, their villainy was taking effect to Slip. Don't you see Mr. Stockwell coming this make you miserable. way! Bless me, how he stares ! He's mad with Sir Har. Two villains! Mr. Stockwell, do you passion. Don't meet him, Sir Harry. You are hear this? Explain yourself, sir; or blood and out of wind, and have not pushed a great while, brimstoneand he'll certainly be too much for you— Stock. Explain, Mr. Belford !-Sir Harry Har
Sir Har. I won't avoid him. My blood's up lowe! What is all this I am all stupefacas well as bis; if the fool will be for fighting
tion ! let him take what follows. Hold
Bel. Is this Sir Harry? I am your
humble sermy cane,
[Cocks his hat. vant, sir. I have not the honour to be known Slip. Ay, 'tis all over.- If Martin has but got to you, but am a particular acquaintance of your the money, we may retire while the champions son's; who has been misrepresented here by are at it.
that pretty gentleman, once a rascal of mine.
Sir Har. I'ın in a wood, and don't know how Enter Old Stockwell and MARTIN-STOCK to get out of it!
well with a bag and notes in his hand. Stock. Is not this your son, Sir Harry? Stock. We will count our money and bills this is my servant, and my son's pimp, whom !
Sir Har. No, you passionate old fool ! but over again, sign the writings, and then, son, for understand you have been kicking down stairs! singing and dancing, and
Stock. Here's a fine heap of roguery! Mar. Don't give yourself that trouble, Mr.
Bel. It was my good fortune, by the intelliStockwell; among friends, you knowpray, gence and instigation of Mrs. Jenny, to discove: let me ease you of that weight.
the whole before these wretches bad accoin[Offers to take the money plished their designs. Stock. No, no, son; you shan't have a far
Stock. What a hair-breadth 'scape I have had thing more or less than your bargain. We citi
as the poet says, the very brink of destruction! zens are exact, and must have our way in form.
for I should have given him the cash in five miSlip. Zounds! he has not got the money! We nutes. I am in a cold sweat at the thoughts of it! must have a scramble for it at last, then!
Dear Mr. Belford ! Shakes him by the hand, Sir Har. Now he eyes me! I'll be as fierce as be; now for it-hem, hein!
Enter MRS. STOCKWELL, Miss, and JENSY.
[Brustles up. Mrs. Stock. O, Mr. Stockwell! here are fine (During this, Martin and Slip make siyns, doinys going forward. Did not I tell you, that I and approach each other by degrees ] was for Mr. Belford from the beginning?
Stock, Don't trouble us now, wife; you have but rejoice at your deliverance. If you and Sir been for and against him twenty times in four- Harry will permit me to attend you within, I and-twenty hours.
will acquaint you with tbe whole business. Jen. (To Martin aad Slip.] Your humble Sir Har. I see the whole business now, sir. servant, gentlemen! What, dumb and ashamed We have been their fools. too!
-the next scheme you go about, take Stock. And they are our knaves, and shall care that there is not such a girl as I within suffer as such. Thanks to Mr. Belford here--my twenty miles of you.
good angel, that has saved my 10,0001. ! Mar. I wish we were twenty miles from you,
Sir Hur. He has saved your family, Mr. with all my soul !
Stockwell. Slip. As you don't like our company, madam, Bel. Could you but think, sir, my good serwe'll retire. [Going away.]
vices to your family might entitle me to be one Bel. Hold them fast, constables: They must of it! give some account of themselves at the Old Miss Nan. You'd make your daughter happy, Bailey, and then perhaps they may retire to our by giving her to your best frieud. plantations.
Mrs. Štock. My dear; for once hear me and Sir Har. But what have they done? or what reason, and make them botlı happy. will you
do? or what am I to do? I'm all in the Stock. You shall be happy, Belford. Take dark-pitch dark
my daughter's hand. You have her heart. You Stock. Is your son married, Sir Harry? have deserved her fortune, and shall have that,
Sir Har. Yes, a fortnight ago; and this fel- too. Come, let us go in and examine these low you kicked down stairs, was sent with my culprits.
Sir Har. Right, Mr. Stockwell. 'Tis a good Stock. I kicked him down stairs! You villain thing to punish villainy; but 'tis a better to you
make virtue happy, and so let us about it. Bel, Don't disturb yourself with what is past,
SCENE I..Covent Garden.
Wil. I have given orders, that my post-chaise
shall wait in the broad way by Exeter 'Change, Enter Wilson and Mervin, booted.
and the moment the lady steps from her chair Wil. My dear Jack, ten thousand thanks for to the chaise, the postilions will crack their your punctuality-ready equipped, I see, to whips, and drive away like lightning: serve your friend.
Mer. You are a romantic fellow! How can you Mer. But how can I serve you, my young possibly imagine, that your hot-headed scheine, Don Quixotte? Am I to be your Sancho, while to run away with this young lady, can ever be your knight-errantship is running away with this executed ? Dulcinea del Toboso ?
Wil. From the justice of my cause, Jack.
Mer. Justice! Make that out, and my con- Mer. O she'll run away with you most cerscience will be easy.
tainlyWil. Did not her father's uncle, who was a Wil. I must not lose time then. [Looking at good lawyer, and cheated my father of three- his watch.] I must go and take my stand, that fourths of his fortune, leave her near thirty thou- the deer may not escape me. sand pounds? Now, this is my reasoning-Sir Mer. And I'll go and take mine, to help you Toby's uncle ran away with some thousands to carry off the venison—This is very like poachfrom my father, I shall run away with Sir ing, Will—But how will you get admittance Toby's daughter; this will bring the said thou-into Drury-Lane Theatre ? sands back to me again, with which I'll pay off Wil. I was very near being disappointed there; old scores, and strike a balance in my favour, for unluckily the acting manager, who scarce and get a good wife into the bargain. There's reached to my third button, cocked up his head justice for you!
in my face, and said I was much too tall for a Mer. Aye, justice with a vengeance! But why hero-- however, I got the liberty of the scenes, must Sir Toby be punished for the sins of his by desiring to rehearse Hamlet next week-But uncle?
I hope to cross the Tweed with the fair Ophelia Wil. I'll ease your conscience there, too. My before that time, and finish my stage adventures mother, at my father's death, took me, a boy, to by appearing the first time in the character of a Sir Toby and my lady, to solicit their kindness good husband. for me-He gave me half-a-crown to buy gin- Mer. Success attend you ! gerbread ; and her ladyship, who was combing Wil. This is the day, à fat lap-dog, muttered, • There was no end of Makes me, or mars, for ever and for aye ! maintaining poor relations.'
If I succeed, I shall be restored to my father's Mer. I have not a qualm left-But did you estate, drink claret, and live like a gentleman really pass for a strolling player last summer, to with the wife of my heart; and, egad, for aught have a pretence of being near her father's I know, stand for the county. house?
Mer. If not, you must be confined to your Wil. Yes, I did; and, as Polonius says, was little one hundred and twenty pounds a year accounted a good actor.
farm, make your own cheese, marry the curate's Mer. What could put that unaccountable daughter, have a dozen children, and brew the frolic in your head?
best October in the parish. Wil. To gain the favour of Sir Toby's family, Wil. Which ever way fortune will dispose of as a strolling player, which I could not as a poor me, I shall be always happy to see my friends, relation. They are fond of acting to madness, and never shall forget my obligations to thee, and my plan succeeded; I was so altered they my dear Jack. [Shakes him by the hand. did not know me; they liked me much, came Mer. Well, well; let us away-we have too to a benefit which I pretended to bave, invited much business to mind compliments. me to their house, and Miss met me privately,
Ereunt severally. after I had played Ranger and Lothario.
Mer. Aye, aye, when a young lady's head is SCENE II.--The Play-house. Two Women crammed with combustible scraps of plays,
sweeping the Stage.
1st Wom. Come, Betty; tunity.
girl; the managers will be here presently; there's Wil. I discovered myself to the young lady, no lying in bed for them now, we are up early and her generosity was so great, that she re- and late; all hurry and bustle from morning to solved to marry me to make me amends; there night; I wonder what the deuce they have got are refined feelings for you!
into their heads? Mer. Aye, double refined !-she is more ro- 2d Wom. Why, to get money, Mrs. Besom, to mantic than you, Will—But did not you run a be sure; the folks say about us, that the other great risque of losing her, when she knew you house will make thein stir their stumps, and was only a gentleman, and not a player? they'll make us stir ours : If they are in motion,
Wil. Read that letter, and tell me if my cas- we must not stand still, Mrs. Besoin. cles are built in the air? [Gives a letter.
1st Wom, Ay, ay, girl, they have met with
their match, and we shall all suffer for it; for Mer. [Reads.] : I shall be with my papa and my part, I can't go through the work, if they are mamma to see a rehearsal at Drury-Lane Play- always in this plaguy hurry; I have not drank house on Tuesday morning ; if my present incli- a comfortable dish of teu, since the house nations hold, and
my heart does not fail me, I may opened. convince honest Ranger, what confidence I have 2d Wom. One had better die than be scolded in his honour.- Postcript.- If I don't see you and hurried about as we are by the house then, I don't know when I shall see you, for we keeper ; he takes us all for a parcel of negers, return into the country nert week.'
I believe: pray, give us a pinch of your snuff,
Mrs. Besom. Wil. Well, what think you?
(They lean upon their brooms, and take snuff.