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Wid. We shan't stand for trifles_And you Whit. • Postscript : let me have your pity, were born and christened by the name of Tho- but not your anger.' mas? Whit. So they told me, sir.
Wid. In answer to this love epistle, you piti. Wid. Then they told no lies, fait ! so far, so ful fellow, my sister presents you with her good.—[Takes out a letter.]-Do you know that tinderest wishes: and assures you, that you have, hand-writing?
as you desire, her pity, and she generously throws Whit. As well as I know this good friend of her contempt, too, into the bargain. mine, who helps me upon such occasions.
Whit. I'm infinitely obliged to her. [Showing his right hand, and smiling. Wid. I must beg lave, in the name of all our Wid. You had better not show your teeth, sir, family, to present the same to you. till we come to the jokes—the hand-writing is Whit. I am ditto to all the family. yours?
Wid. But as a brache of promise to any of Whit. Yes, sir, it is mine. [Sighs. our family was never suffered without a brache
Wid. Death and powder! What do you sight into somebody's body, I have fixed upon myself for? are you ashamed or sorry for your handy- to be your operator; and I believe that you will work?
find that I have as fine a hand at this work, and Whit, Partly one, partly t'other.
will give you as little pain, as any in the three Wid. Will you be plased, sir, to rade it kingdoms. aloud, that you may know it again when you
[Sits down and loosens her knee bands. hare it?
Whit. For Heaven's sake, captain, what are Whit. (Takes his letter and reads.] Madam-you about? Wid. Would you be plased to let us know Wid. I always lovsens my garters for the adwhat madam you mane for women of quality, vantage of lunging: it is for your sake as well and women of no quality, and women of all as my own; for I will be twice through your qualities, are so mixt together, that you don't body before you shall feel me once. know one from t'other, and are all called ma- Whit. What a bloody fellow it is ! I wish dams. You should always read the subscription Thomas would come in. before you open the letter.
Wid. Come, sir, prepare yourself; you are Whit. I beg your pardon, sir. I don't like not the first, by half a score, that I have run this ceremony. (Aside.] To Mrs. Brady in Pall through and through the heart, before they knew Mall.
what was the matter with them. Wid. Now prosade-Fire and powder, but Whit. But, captain, suppose I will marry I would
your sister? Whit. Sir! what's the matter?
Wid. I have not the laste objection, if you Wid. Nothing at all, sir; pray go on. recover of your wounds, Callagon O'Connor
lives very happy with my great aunt, Mrs. DeWhit. (Reads.] ' Madam, as I prefer your
borah O'Nale, in the county of Galway; except Aappiness, to the indulgence of my owen pas- through the lungs at the Curragh: He would
a small asthma he got by my running him sions
have forsaken her, if I had not stopped his Wid. I will not prefer your happiness to the perfidy, by a famous family styptic I have here. indulgence of my passions- -Mr. Whittol; O ho! my little old boy, but you
get it. rade on.
Whit. What shall I do?- -Well, sir, if I Whit. “ I must confess, that I am unworthy must, I must : I'll meet you tv-morrow morning of your charins and dirtues
in Hyde-Park, let the consequence be what it Wid. Very unworthy, indeed. Rade on,
Wid. For fear you might forget that favour, I Whit. ' I have for some days had a severe must beg to be indulged with a little pushing #ruggle between my justice and my passion'
now. I have set my heart upon it; and two
birds in hand, is worth one in the bushes, Mr. Wid, I have had no struggle at all: My jus- Whittol-Come, sir. tice and passion are agreed.
Whit. But I have not settled my matters.
Wid. 0 we'll settle them in a trice, I warWhit." The former has prevailed; and I
[Puts herself in a position. beg leave to resign you, with all your accom- Whit. But I don't understand the sword; I plishments, to some more deserving, though not bad rather fight with pistols. more admiring servant, than your most miser
Wid. I am very happy it is in my power to able and devoted,'
oblige you. There, sir, take your choice: I will • Thomas WHITTLE.' plase you if I can.
Whit. Out of the pan into the fire! there's no Wid. And miserable and devoted you shall putting him off. If I had chosen poison, I dare be-To the postscript; rade on.
swear he had arsenic in his pocket. Look ye,
young gentleman, I am an old man, and you'll shall run first; and sure I can beat an old man
[Kisses her hand.] and be assured, that I am as Wid. Ay, and more pleasure too- -I expect sensible as I think myself undeserving of it. ample satisfaction from him, after I have done Wid. I'll tell you what, sir; were I not sure your business. Prepare, sir !
you deserved some pains, I would not have Whit. What the devil! won't one serve your taken any pains for you: And don't imagine turn? I can't fight, and I won't fight: I'll do any now, because I have gone a little too far for the thing rather than fight. I'll marry your sister. man I love, that I shall go a little too far when My nephew shall marry her: I'll give him all my I'm your wife. Indeed I shan't: I have done fortune. What would the fellow have? Here, more than I should before I am your wife, beNephew! Thomas! murder, murder !
cause I was in despair; but I won't do as much
Irish woman is fond of imitating English fa-
Neph. Thou divine adorable woman! Neph. What's the matter, uncle?
[Kneels and kisses her hand. Whit. Murder, that's all; That ruffian there would kill me, and eat me afterwards.
Enter WHITTLE and Bates. Neph. I'll fine a way to cool him! Come out, sir, I am as mad as yourself. I'll match you, I
Bates. Confusion !
[Aside. warrant you.
[Going out with him. Wid. I'll follow you all the world over.
Whit. [Turning to Bates.) Hey-day! I
[Going after him. am afraid his head is not right yet! he was Whit. Stay, stay, nephew. you shan't fight: kneeling, and kissing the captain's hand. We shall be exposed all over the town; and you
[Aside to Bates.
Bates. Take no notice; all will come about. may lose your life, and I shall be cursed from morning to night. Do, nephew, make yourself
[Aside to WHITILE.
Wid. I find, Mr. Whittol, your family loves and me happy; be the olive-branch, and peace into my family. Return to the widow. kissing better than fighting: he swears I'am as I will give you my consent, and your fortune, his raptures, for I would rather fight the best
like my sister as two pigeons. I could excuse and a fortune for the widow ! five thousand friend I have, than slobber and salute him à la pounds! Do persuade him, Mr. Bates.
Françoise. Butes. Do sir; this is a very critical point of your life. I know you love her; 'tis the only method to restore us all to our senses.
Enter Sir PATRICK O'NEALE. Neph. I must talk in private first with this hot young gentleman.
Sir Pat. I hope, Mr. Whizzle, you'll excuse Wid. As private as you plase, sir.
my coming back to give you an answer, without Whit. Take their weapons away, Mr. Bates : having any to give. I hear a grate dale of news and do you follow me to my study to witness my about inyself, nd came to know if it be true. proposal: It is all ready, and only wants signing. They say my son is in London, when he tells me Coine along, come along !
(Exit. himself by letter here, that he's at Limerick; Bates. Victoria, victoria ! give me your and I have been with my daughter to tell her swords and pistols: And now do your worst, the news, but she would not stay at home to reyou spirited, loving, young couple; I could leap ceive it, so I am come-O gra ma chree, my out of my skin !
[Erit. little din ousil craw, what have we got bere? a Tho. (Peeing in.) Joy, joy to you, ye fond, piece of mummery! Here is my son and daughcharming pair ? the fox is caught, and the young ter too, fait! What, are you wearing the lambs may skip and play. I leave you to your breeches, Pat, to see how they become you, transports !
[Erit. when you are Mrs. Weezel? Neph. O my charming widow, what a day Wid. I beg your pardon for that, sir! I wear have we gone through!
them before marriage, because I think they beWid. I would go through ten times as come a woman better than after. much to deceive an old amorous spark like Whit. Wbat, is not this your son? your uncle, to purchase a young one like his
Sir Pat. No, but it is my daughter, and that's Neph. I listened at the door all this last scene; the same thing. my heart was agitated with ten thousand fears. Wid. And your niece, sir, which is better than Suppose my uncle had been stout, and drawn either. his sword?
Whit. Mighty well! and I suppose you have Wid. I should have run away as he did not lost your wits, young man! When two cowards meet, the struggle is, who Neph. I sympathize witlı yùu, sir ; we lost
them together, and found them at the same if you won't trouble me with your afflictions, I time.
shall sincerely rejoice at your felicity. Whit. Here's villainy! Mr. Bates, give me Neph. It would be a great abatement of my the paper. Not a farthing shall they have, till present joy, could I believe that this lady should the law gives it them.
be assisted in her happiness, or be supported in Bates. We'll cheat the law, and give it thein her aillictions, by any one but her lover and
[Gives Nephow the paper. husband. Whit, He may take his own, but he shan't Sir Pat. Fine notions are fine tings, but a fine have a sixpence of the five thousand pounds Iestate gives every ting but ideas; and them too, promised him.
if you will appale to those who help you to spend Bates. Witness, good folks, he owns to the it-What say you, widow? promise.
Wid. By your and their permission, I will Sir Pat. Fait! I'll witness dat, or any thing tell my mind to this good company; and for fear else in a good cause.
my words should want ideas too, I will add an Whit. What! am I choused again?
Irish tune, that may carry off a bad voice and Bates. Why should not my friend be choused bad matter. out of a little justice for the first time? Your hard usage has sharpened your nephew's wits;
SONG. therefore beware, don't play with edge-tools -you'll only cut your fingers.
A widow bewitched with her passion, Sir Pat. And your trote, too: which is all
Though Irish, is now quite ashamed, one: Therefore, to make all azy, marry my To think that she's so out of fashion, daughter first, and then quarrel with her af
To marry, and then to be tamed: terwards; that will be in the natural course of
'Tis love, the dear joy, things.
That old fashioned boy, Whit. Here, Thomas ! where are you?
Has got in my breast with his quicer ;
The blind urchin he
Struck the Cush la maw cree,
And a husband secures me for ever! Whit. Here are fine doings ! I am deceived,
Ye fair ones I hope will ercuse me ; tricked, and cheated !
Though vulgar, pray
do not abuse me; Tho. I wish you joy, sir; the best thing could
I cunnot become a fine lady, have happened to you; and, as a faithful ser
O lote has bewitched Widow Brady. Fant, I have done my best to check you.
Whit. To check me! Tho. You were galloping full speed, and down Ye critics, to murder so willing, bill, too! and, if we had not laid hold of the Pray see all our errors with blindness ; bridle, being a bad jockey, you would have hung For once change your method of killing, by your horns in the stirrup, to the great joy of
And kill a fond widow with kindness. the whole town.
If you look so severe,
In a fit of despair,
You know I've the art,
To be twice through your heart,
Brother soldiers, I hope you'll protect me, a Christian for the future.
Nor let cruel critics dissect me; Whit. I will if I can: But I can't look at them; I can't bear the sound of my voice, nor
To fuvour my cause be but ready, the sight of my own face. Look ye, I am dis
And grateful you'll find Widow Brudy. tressed and distracted! and can't come to yet! I will be reconciled, if possible : but don't let Ye leaders of dress and the fashions, me see or hear from you, if you would have me Who gallop post-haste to your ruin, forget and forgive you—I shall never lift up my Whose taste has destroyed all your passions, head again!
Pray what do you think of my wooing? Wid. I hope, Sir Patrick, that my preferring You call it damned low, the nephew to the uncle will meet with your Your heads and arms so,
[Mimicks then. approbation; Though we bave not so much So listless, so loose, and so lazy; money, we shall bave more love; one mind, But
pray, and balf a purse in marriage, are much bet- That I cannot do ? ter than two minds and two purses. I did O fie my dear craters be azy! not come to England, nor keep good company, Ye patriots and courtiers so hearty, till it was too late to get rid of my country To speech it, and vote for your party; prejudices.
For once be both constant and steudy, Šir Pat. You are out of my hands, Pat; so, And vote to support Widow Brady.
what can you
To all that I see here before me,
The bottom, the top, and the middle ; For music we now must implore you, No wedding, without pipe and fiddle.
If all are in tune,
Pray let it be soon ;
If your hands should unite,
To give us delight,
Your plaudits to me are a treasure,
SCENE I. A room in Lord Minikin's house. I myself yesterday morning in a hackney coach,
with a minx in a pink cardinal; you shall absoEnter LADY MINIKIN and Miss TITTUP.
lutely burn yours, Tittup, for I shall never bear Lady Min. It is not, my dear, that I have the to see one of that colour again. least regard for my lord. I had no love for him, Miss Tit. Sure she does suspect me. [Aside.] before I married him; and you know, matrimo- And where was your ladyship, pray, when you by is no breeder of affection; but it hurts my saw him? pride, that he should neglect me, and run after Lady Min. Taking the air with Colonel Tivy
in his vis à vis. Miss Tit. Ha, ha, ha! how can you be so Miss Tit. But, my dear Lady Minikin, how hypocritical, Lady Minikin, as to pretend to un- can you be so angry, that my lord was hurting easiness at such trifles ? but pray, have you your pride, as you call it, in the hackney-coach, made any new discoveries of my lord's gallantry? when you had him so much in your power, in
Lady Miŋ. New discoveries! why, I saw him the vis à vis ?