Lady Min. What, with my lord's friend, and my friend's lover! [Takes her by the hand.] O fie, Tittup!

Miss. Tit. Pooh, pooh, love and friendship are very fine names, to be sure; but they are mere visiting acquaintances; we know their names, indeed, talk of them sometimes, and let them knock at our doors, but we never let them in, you know.

cravat nicely twisted down his breast, and thrust through his gold button-hole, which looked exactly like my little Barbet's head in his gold collar-Niece Tittup,' crics he, drawing himself up, I protest against this manner of conducting yourself both at home and abroad.'What are your objections, Sir John?' answerI, a little pertly- Various and manifold,' replied he; I have no time to enumerate particulars now, but I will venture to prophecy, if you keep whirling round the vortex of pantheons, operas, festinos, coteries, masquerades, and Miss Tit. I am extremely indifferent in these all the devilades in this town, your head will be affairs, thanks to my education. We must giddy, down you will fall, lose the name of Lumarry, you know, because other people of fa-cretia, and be called nothing but Tittup ever shion marry; but I should think very meanly after-You'll excuse me, cousin!'-and so he of myself, if, after I was married, I should feel left me. the least concern at all about my husband.

[Looking roguishly at her. Lady Min. I vow, Tittup, you are extremely polite.

Lady Min. I hate to praise myself; and yet I may, with truth, aver, that no woman of quality ever had, can have, or will have, so consummate a contempt for her lord, as I have for my most honourable and puissant Earl of Minikin, Vicount Perriwinkle, and Baron Titmouse -Ha, ha, ha!

Miss Tit. But, is it not strange, Lady Minikin, that merely his being your husband should create such indifference? for certainly, in every other eye, his lordship has great accomplish

ments.

Lady Min. Accomplishments! thy head is certainly turned; if you know of them, pray let's have them; they are a novelty, and will

amuse me.

Miss Tit. Imprimis, he is a man of quality. Lady Min. Which, to be sure, includes all the cardinal virtues-poor girl!--go on!

Miss Tit. He is a very handsome man.
Lady Min. He has a very bad constitution.
Miss Tit. He has wit.

Lady Min. He is a lord, and a little goes a great way.

Miss Tit. He has great good nature.
Lady Min. No wonder--he's a fool.

Miss Tit. And then his fortune, you'll allow Lady Min. Was a great one-but he games, and, if fairly, he's undone; if not, he deserves to be hanged-and so, exit my Lord Minikin. And now, let your wise uncle, and my good cousin, Sir John Trotley, baronet, enter; where is he, pray?

Miss Tit. In his own room, I suppose, reading pamphlets and newspapers against the enor mities of the times. If he stays here a week longer, notwithstanding my expectations from him, I shall certainly affront him.

Lady Min. I am a great favourite; but it is impossible much longer to act up to his very righteous ideas of things. Isn't it pleasant to hear him abuse every body, and every thing, and yet always finishing with a 'You'll excuse me, cousin? Ha, ha, ha!

Miss Tit. What do you think the Goth said to me yesterday? one of the knots of his tye hanging down his left shoulder, and his fringed

Lady Min. O, the barbarian!
Enter GYMP.

Gymp. A card, your ladyship, from Mrs.
Pewitt.

Lady Min. Poor Pewitt! If she can but be seen at public places with a woman of quality, she's the happiest of plebeians.

[Reads the card.

'Mrs Pewitt's respects to Lady Minikin, and Miss Tittup; hopes to have the pleasure of attending them to Lady Filligree's ball this evening-Lady Daisy sees masks. We'll certainly attend her-Gymp, put some messagecards upon my toilet, I'll send an answer immediately; and tell one of my footmen, that he must make some visits for me to-day again, and send me a list of those he made yesterday: he must be sure to call at Lady Pettitoes, and if she should unluckily be at home, he must say that he came to enquire after her sprained an

kle.

Miss Tit. Ay, ay, give our compliments to her sprained ankle.

Lady Min. That woman's so fat, she'll never get well of it, and I am resolved not to call at her door myself till I am sure of not finding her at home. I am horribly low spirited to day! do send your colonel to play at chess with mesince he belonged to you, Titty, I have taken a kind of liking to him; I like every thing that loves my Titty. [Kisses her.

Miss Tit. I know you do, my dear lady!

[Kisses her. Lady Min. That sneer I don't like; if she suspects, I shall hate her! [Aside.] Well, dear Titty, I'll go and write my cards, and dress for the masquerade; and, if that won't raise my spirits, you must assist me to plague my lord a little. [Exit.

Miss Tit. Yes, and I'll plague my lady a little, or I am much mistaken. My lord shall know every tittle that has passed: what a poor, blind, half-witted, self-conceited creature this dear friend and relation of mine is! and what a fine, spirited, gallant soldier my colonel is! My lady Minikin likes him, he likes my fortune;

Miss Tit. How shall I!-you a soldier, and not know the art military?-how shall I?-I'll tell you how-when you have a subtle, treacherous politic enemy to deal with, never stand shilly-shally, and lose your time in treaties and parlies, but cock your hat, draw your sword-it march, beat drum-dub, dub adub-present, fire, piff, pauff-'tis done! they fly, they yield-Victoria! Victoria !— [Running off. Col. Tivy. Stay, stay, my dear, dear angel! [Bringing her back. I

Sir John. 'tis all deceit and delusion! bed all day, sit up all night; if they are silent, Davy. Such crowding, coaching, carting, and they are gaming; and, if they talk, 'tis either squeezing! such a power of fine sights! fine scandal or infidelity; and that they may look shops full of fine things! and then such fine il-what they are, their heads are all feather, and luminations all of a row! and such fine dainty round their necks are twisted rattlesnake tipladies in the streets, so civil and so graceless!- pets[Exit, -O tempora, O mores! they talk of country girls! these here look more healthy and rosy by half. SCENE II.-LORD MINIKIN'S Dressing Room. LORD MINIKIN discovered in his powder

Sir John. Sirrah, they are prostitutes, and are civil to delude and destroy you they are painted Jezabels! and they who hearken to ing gown, with JESSAMY and MIGNON. them, like Jezabel of old, will go to the dogs! Lord Min: Prithee, Mignon, don't plague if you dare to look at them, you will be taintme any more! dost think that a nobleman's ed; and if you speak to them, you are unhead has nothing to do but be tortured all done. Davy. Bless us, bless us !-how does your ho-day under thy infernal fingers? give me my nour know all this !-were they as bad in your Mig. Ven you loss your monee, my lor, you time? no goot humour; the devil may dress your che[Exit.

cloaths.

Sir John. Not by half, Davy-In my time veau for me! there was a sort of decency in the worst of woLord Min. That fellow's an impudent rascal! men; but the harlots, now, watch like tygers but he's a genius, so I must bear with him. for their prey, and drag you to their dens of infamy-See, Davy, how they have torn my neck-Our beef and pudding enriches their blood so cloth? [Shews his neckcloth much, that the slaves in a month forget their Davy. If you had gone civilly, your honour, misery and soup-maigre―0, my head! a chair, Jessamy! I must absolutely change my they would not have hurt you. wine-merchant: I cannot taste his champaigne Sir John. Well, we'll get away as fast as we without disordering myself for a week! heigbo[Sighs.

can.

Davy. Not this month, I hope, for I have not had half my belly-full yet.

Sir John. I'll knock you down, Davy, if you grow profligate; you sha'nt go out again tonight, and to-morrow keep in my room, and stay till I can look over my things, and see they don't cheat you. Davy. Your honour, then, won't keep your word with me? [Sulkily.

Sir John. Why, what did I promise you? Davy. That I should take sixpen❜oth of one of the theatres to-night, and a shilling-place at

the other to-morrow.

Sir John. Well, well, so I did: is it a moral piece, Davy?

Davy. O yes, and written by a clergyman; it is called the Rival Cannanites, or the Tragedy of Bragadocia.

my

Sir John. Be a good lad, and I won't be worse than word; there's money for you-[Gives him some.] but come strait home, fór I shall want to to bed. go Davy. To be sure, your honour-as I am to go soon, I'll make a night of it.

[Aside, and exit, Sir John. This fellow would turn rake and maccaroni if he was to stay here a week longer -Bless me, what dangers are in this town at every step! O, that I were once settled safe again at Trotley Place! nothing but to save my country should bring me back again. My niece Lucretia is so be-fashioned and be-devilled, that nothing, I fear, can save her; however, to ease my conscience, I must try. But what can be expected from the young women of these times, but sallow looks, wild schemes, saucy words, and loose morals! They lie a

Enter MISS TITTUP.

Miss Tit. What makes you sigh, my lord? Lord Min. Because you were so near me, child.

Miss Tit. Indeed!- -I should rather have thought my lady had been with you-by your looks, my lord, I am afraid fortune jilted you last night.

Lord Min. No, faith! our champaigne was not good yesterday, and I am vapoured like our English November; but one glance of my Tittup can dispel vapours like-like

Miss Tit. Like something very fine to be sure; but pray keep your simile for the next time; and harkye-a little prudence will not be amiss; Mr. Jessamy will think you mad, and me worse.

[Half aside.

Jes. O, pray don't mind me, madam. Lord Min. Gadso, Jessamy, look out my domino and I'll ring the bell when I want you.

Jes. I shall, my lord. Miss thinks that every body is blind in the house but herself.

[Aside, and exit. Miss Tit. Upon my word, my lord, you must be a little more prudent, or we shall become the

town talk.

Lord Min. And so I will, any dear! and, therefore, to prevent surprise, I'll lock the door. Miss Tit. What do you mean, my lord? Lord Min. Prudence, child, prudence! I keep all my jewels under lock and key.

Miss Tit. You are not in possession, yet, my lord: I can't stay two minutes; I only came to tell you, that Lady Minikin saw us yesterday in the hackney-coach; she did not know me, l'be

lieve. She pretends to be greatly uneasy at your neglect of her; she certainly has some mischief in her head.

Lord Min. No intentions, I hope, of being fond of me?

Mis Tit. No, no; make yourself easy; she hates you most unalterably.

Lord Min. You have given me spirits again. Miss Tit. Her pride is alarmed, that you should prefer any of the sex to her.

Lord Min. Her pride then has been alarmed, ever since I had the honour of knowing her.

Miss Tit. But, dear my lord, let us be merry and wise; should she ever be convinced, that we have a tendre for each other, she certainly would proclaim it, and then

Lord Min. We should be envied, and she would be laught at, my cousin.

Miss Tit. Nay, I would have her mortified, too; for, though I love her ladyship sincerely, I cannot say but I love a little mischief as sincerely; but, then, if my uncle Trotley should know of our affairs, he is so old-fashioned, prudish, and out-of-the-way, he would either strike me out of his will, or insist upon my quitting the

house.

Lord Min. My good cousin is a queer mortal, that's certain; I wish we could get him handsomely into the country again-he has a fine fortune to leave behind him

Miss Tit. But, then, he lives so regularly, and never makes use of a physician, that he live these twenty years.

may

Lord Min. What can we do with the barba-I

rian?

Miss Tit. I don't know what's the matter with me, but I am really in fear of him: I suppose reading his formal books, when I was in the country with him, and going so constantly to church, with my elbows stuck to my hips, and my toes turned in, has given me these foolish prejudices.

SIR JOHN TROTLEY knocking at the door. Sir John. My lord, my lord, are you busy? [My lord goes to the door softly. Miss Tit. Heavens! 'tis that detestable brute, my uncle!

Lord Min. That horrid dog, my cousin! Miss Tit. What shall we do, my lord! [Softly. Sir John. [At the door.] Nay, my lord, my lord, I heard you! pray let me speak with you!

Lord Min. Ho, Sir John, is it you? I beg your pardon? I'll put up my papers, and open

the door.

Sir John. Ay, ay, it is the best way; I'm sorry I disturbed you; you will excuse me, cousin!

Lord Min. I am rather obliged to you, Sir John; intense application to these things ruins my health; but one must do it for the sake of the nation.

Sir John. May be so, and I hope the nation will be the better for it-you'll excuse me !

Lord Min. Excuse you, Sir John! I love your frankness; but why wont you be franker still? we have always something for dinner, and you will never dine at home.

Sir John. You must know, my lord, that I love to know what I eat; I hate to travel, where don't know my way; and since you have brought in foreign fashions and figaries, every thing and every body are in masquerade; your fricassced, as your beef and mutton; I love a men and manners too, are as much frittered and. plain dish, my lord.

Miss Tit. I wish I was out of the room, or he at the bottom of the Thames. [Peeping. Sir John. But to the point. I came, my lord, to open my mind to you about my niece Tittup; shall I do it freely?

Miss Tit. Now for it!

Lord Min. The freer the better; Tittup's a fine girl, cousin, and deserves all the kindness you can show her.

[LORD MINIKIN and TITTUP makes signs at each other.

Sir John. She must deserve it though, before she shall have it; and I would have her begin with lengthening her petticoats, covering her shoulders, and wearing a cap upon her head. Miss Tit. O, frightful! [Aside,

Lord Min. Don't you think a taper leg, falling shoulders, and fine hair, delightful objects, Sir John?

Miss Tit. Stay, stay, my lord! I would not Sir John. And, therefore, ought to be concealmeet him now for the world; if he sees me ed; 'tis their interest to conceal them. When here, alone with you, he'll rave like a mad-you take from the men the pleasure of imaginaman; put me up the chimney: any where! tion, there will be a scarcity of husbands; and then taper legs, falling shoulders, and fine hair, may be had for nothing.

[Alarmed. Lord Min. [Aloud.] I'm coming, Sir John! -here, here, get behind my great chair! he

Lord Min. Well said, Sir John! ha, ha, ha!

Sir John. You may sneer, my lord; but, for all that, I think my niece in a bad way; she must leave me and the country, forsooth, to see-mercy on me! good company and fashions; I have seen them too, and wish from my heart, that she is not much worse for her journey-you'll excuse me! Sir John. I dont care what he'll have, nor Lord Min. But why in a passion, Sir John?- don't care what he is, nor who my niece mar[My lord nods and laughs at Miss TITTUP, who ries; she is a fine lady, and let her have a fine peeps from behind.] Don't you think that my la- gentleman: I shan't hinder her. I'll away indy and I shall be able and willing to put her into to the country to-morrow, and leave you to the road? your fine doings; I have no relish for them, not Sir John. Zounds, my lord, you are out of itI; I can't live among you, nor eat with you, nor yourself! This comes of your travelling; all the town know how you and my lady live together; and I must tell you-you'll excuse me! that my niece suffers by the bargain. Prudence, my lord, is a very fine thing.