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Lady Min. What, with my lord's friend, and 1 cravat nicely twisted down his breast, and thast my friend's lover! [Takes her by the hand] 0 through his gold button-hole, which looked exfie, Tittup!

actly like my little Barbet's head in his gold colMiss. rit. Pooh, pooh, love and friendship lar– Niece Tittup,' cries he, drawing himare very fine names, to be sure ; but they are self up, ' I protest against this manner of conmere visiting acquaintances; we know their ducting yourself buth at home and abroad. :names, indeed, talk of them sometimes, and What are your objections, Sir John?' answerlet them knock at our doors, but we never I, a little pertly— Various and manifold,' relet them in, you know.

plied he; \ I have no time to enumerate par[Looking roguishly at her. ticulars now, but I will venture to prophecy, if Lady Min. I vow, Tittup, you are extremely you keep whirling round the vortex of panthepolite.

ons, operas, festinos, coteries, masquerades, and Miss Tit. I am extremely indifferent in these all the devilades in this town, your head will be affairs, thanks to my education, We must giddy, down you will fall, lose the name of Lumarry, you know, because other people of fa- cretia, and be called nothing but Tittup ever shion marry; but I should think very meanly after-You'll excuse me, cousin !!-and so he of myself, if, after I was married, I should feel left me. the least concern at all about my husband. Lady Min. O, the barbarian!

Lady Min. I hate to praise myself; and yet I

Enter GYMP. may, with truth, aver, that no woman 'of quality ever had, can have, or will have, so con- Gymp. A card, your ladyship, from Mrs. summate a contempt for her lord, as I have for Pewitt. my most honourable and puissant Earl of Mini- Lady Min. Poor Pewitt! If she can but kin, Vicount Perriwinkle, and Baron Titmouse be seen at public places with a woman of qua--Ha, ha, ha!

lity, she's the happiest of plebeians. Miss Tit. But, is it not strange, Lady Mini

[Reads the card. kin, that merely his being your husband should create such indifference? for certainly, in every • Mrs Peritt's respects to Lady Minikin, other eye, his lordship has great accomplish- and Miss Tittup; hopes to have the pleasure ments.

of attending them to Lady Filligree's ball this Lady Min. Accomplishments! thy head is evening- Lady Daisy sees masks.' We'll cercertainly turned; if you know of them, pray tainly attend her-Gymp, put some messagelet's have them; they are a novelty, and will cards upon my toilet, I'll send an answer im

mediately; and tell one of my footmen, that he Miss Tät. Imprimis, he is a man of quality. must make some visits for me to day again, and

Lady Min. Which, to be sure, includes all send me a list of those he made yesterday; he the cardinal virtues-poor girl!.-go on! must be sure to call at Lady Pettitoes, and if

Miss Tit. He is a very handsome man. she should unluckily be at home, he must say Lady Min. He has a very bad constitution. that he came to enquire after her sprained anMiss Tit. He has wit,

kle. Lady Min. He is a lord, and a little goes a Miss Tit. Ay, ay, give our compliments to her great way.

sprained ankle Miss s'it. He has great good nature.

Lady Min. That woman's so fat, she'll never Lady Min. No wonder--he's a fool.

get well of it, and I am resolved not to call at Miss Tit. And then his fortune, you'l allow her door myself till I am sure of not finding her

Lady Min. Was a great one-but he games, at home. I am horribly low spirited to day! do and, if fairly, he's undone; if not, he deserves send your colonel to play at chess with me to be hanged-and so, exit my Lord Minikin. since he belonged to you, Titty, I have taken a And now, let your wise uncle, and my good cou- kind of liking to him; I like every thing that sin, Sir John Trotley, baronet, enter; where is loves my Titty.

[Kisses her. he, pray?

Miss Tit. I know you do, my dear lady! Miss Tit. In his own room, I suppose, reading pamphlets and newspapers against the enor- Lady Min. That sneer I don't like; if she mities of the times. If he stays here a week suspects, I shall hate her! [Aside.] Well, dear lunger, notwithstanding my expectations from Titty, I'll go and write my cards, and dress for him, I shall certainly atfront him.

the masquerade; and, if that won't raise my Lady Min. I am a great favourite; but it is spirits, you must assist me to plague my lord a impossible much longer to act up to his very little.

[Erit. righteous ideas of things. Isn't it pleasant to hear Miss Tit. Yes, and I'll plague my lady a lithim abuse every body, and every thing, and yet tle, or I am much mistaken. always finishing with a You'll excuse me, cou- know every tittle that has passed : what a poor, sin ? Ha, ha, ha!

blind, half-witted, self-conceited creature this Miss Tit. What do you think the Goth said dear friend and relation of mine is ! - and what to me yesterday? one of the knots of his tye a fine, spirited, gallant soldier my colonel is! hanging down his left shoulder, and his fringed My lady Minikin likes him, he likes my fortune;

amuse me.



[Kisses her.

My lord shall


last re

my lord likes me, and I like my lord; however, Miss Tit. No, no, no, I have no tiine to be not so much as he imagines, or to play the killed now; besides Lady Minikin is in the vafool so rashly as he may expect; she must be pours, and wants you at chess, and my lord is very silly indeed, who can't flutter about the low-spirited, and wants me at picquet; my unfame, without burning her wings. What a cle is in an ill humour, and wants me to discard great revolution in this family in the space of you, and go with bim into the country. fifteen months! We went out of England, a Col. Tiv. Aud will you, miss ? very aukward, regular, good English family ; Miss Tit. Will I, no, I never do as I am bid: but half a year in France, and a winter passed but you ought--so, go to my lady. in the warmer climate of Italy, have ripened our Col. Tivy. Nay, but, missminds to every refinement of ease, dissipation, Miss Tit. Nay, but, colonel, if you won't obey and pleasure.

your commanding officer you should be broke,

and then iny maid won't accept of you; so march, Enter COLONEL Tivy.

colonel!-lookye, sir, I will command before Col. Tëty. May I hope, madam, that your bave been well educated io very little purpose.

marriage, and do what I please afterwards, or I humble servant had sonje share in your

[Exit Miss Tartup. verie?

Col. Tivy. What a mad devil it is !--Now, if - Miss Tit. How is it possible to have the least I had the least affection for the girl, I should be knowledge of Colonel Tivy, and not make him damnably vext at this ! —but she has a fine forthe principal object of one's reflections ?

tune, and I must have her if I can-Tol, lol, Col. Tiry. That man must have very little lol, &c.

[Exit singing feeling and taste, who is not proud of a place in the thoughts of the finest woman in Europe.

Enter Sir John TROTLEY and Davy. Miss Tit. O tye, colonel !

[Curtsies, and blushes. Sir John. Hold your tongue, Davy; you talk Col. Tivy. By my honour, madam, I mean like a fool! .what I say!

Davy. It is a fine place, your bonour, and I Miss Tit. By your honour, colonel! why will could live here for ever. you pass off your counters me? don't I know Sir John. More shame for you-live here for that you fine gentlemen regard no honour but ever!-what among thieves and pickpockets ! that which is giving at the gaming table, and - What a revolution since my time ! the more which indeed ought to be the only honour you I see, the more I've cause for lamentation ; should make free with?

what a dreadful change has time brought about Col. Tivy. How can you, miss, treat me so in twenty years ! I should not have known cruelly have I not absolutely forsworn dice, the place again nor the people-all the signs, mistresses, every thing, since I dared to offer that made so noble an appearance, are all myself to you?

taken down— not a bob or tye-wig to be seen! Miss Tit. Yes, colonel; and when I dare to all the degrees, from the parade in St. James's receive you, you may return to every thing again, Park, to the stool and brush at the corner of and not violate the laws of the present happy every street, have their hair tied up-the mamatrimonial establishment.

son laying bricks, the baker with his basket, the Col. Tiry. Give me but your consent, madam, post-boy crying newspapers, and the doctors and your life to come

prescribing physic, have all their hair tied up! Miss Tit. Do you get my consent, colonel, and that's the reason so many heads are tied up and P'll take care of my life to come.

Col. Tivy. How shall I get your consent? Dury. I shall have my head tied up to-morMiss Tit. By getting me in the humour. row; Mr. Wisp will do it for me-your honour Col Tio. But how to get you in the humour? and I look like Philistines among them.

Miss Tit. 0, there are several ways; I ain Sir John. And I shall break your head, if it is very good-natured.

tied up! I hate innovations: all confusion, and Col. Tivy. Are you in the humour now? no distinction the streets now are as smooth Miss Tit. Try me.

as a turnpike road! no rattling and exercise in Col. Tivy. How shall I?

the hackney-coaches; those who ride in them Miss Tiť. How shall I !-you a soldier, and are all fast asleep; and they have strings in not know the art military?-how shall I?—I'll their hands, that the coachman must pull to tell you how—when you have a subtle, treacher- wake them, when they are to be set downous politic enemy to deal with, never stand what luxury and abomination! shilly-shally, and lose your time in treaties and Davy. Is it so, your honour ?—'feckins, I like parlies, but cock your hat, draw your sword- it hugely ! march, beat drum-dub, dub adub-present, fire, Sir John. But you must hate and detest Lon. piff, pauff—’tis done! they fly, they yield—Vic-don. toria! Victoria !

(Running off Davy. How can I manage that, your honour, Col. Tidy. Stay, stay, my dear, dear angel! when there is every thing to delight my eye, and

[Bringing her back. I cherish my heart ?'

every month.

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Sir John. 'tis all dereit and delusion! bed all day, sit up all night; if they are silent,

Davy. Such crowding, coaching, carting, and they are gaming; and, if they talk, 'tis either squeezing! such a power of fine siglıts ! fine scandal or infidelity; and that they may look shops full of fine things ! and then such fine il- what they are, their heads are all feather, and luminations all of a row! and such fine dainty round their necks are twisted rattlesnake tipladies in the streets, so civil and so graceless!- pets.O tempora, O mores! [Erit, they talk of country girls ! these here look more healthy and rosy by half.

SCENE II.-LORD MINIkin's Dressing Room. Sir John. Sirrah, they are prostitutes, and are civil to delude and destroy you : they are LORD MISikin discovered in his powderpainted Jezabels! and they who hearken to ing gown, with JESSAMY and MIGNON. them, like Jezabel of old, will go to the dogs! if you dare to look at them, you will be taint

Lord Min: Prithee, Mignon, don't plague ed; and if you speak to them, you are un

me any more! dost think that a nobleman's done.

head has nothing to do but be tortured all Duvy. Bless us, bless us how does your ho-day under thy infernal fingers? give me my

cloaths. nour know all this !-were they as bad in your time?

Mig. Ven you loss your monee, my lor, you Sir John. Not by balf, Davy-In my time no goot humour; the devil may dress your che

veau for me! there was a sort of decency in the worst of wo

[Erit. men ; but the harlots, now, watch like

Lord Min. That fellow's an impudent rascal !

tygers for their prey, and drag you to their dens of in- but he's a genius, so I must bear with him. famy-See, Davy, how they have torn my neck-Our beef and pudding enriches their blood so cloth?

(Shews his neckcloth. much, that the slaves in a month forget their Davy. If you had gone civilly, your honour, chair, Jessamy! I must absolutely change my

misery and soup-maigre 0, my head! a they would not have hurt you. Sir John. Well, we'll get away as fast as we

wine-merchant: I cannot taste his champaigne

without disordering myself for a week! heigDady. Not this month, I hope, for I have not

[Sighs. had half my belly-full yet.

Enter Miss TITTUP. Sir John. I'll knock you down, Davy, if you grow profligate; you sha'nt go out again to- Miss Tit. What makes you sigh, my lord ? night, and to-morrow keep in my room, and stay Lord Min. Because you were so near me, till I can look over my things, and see they don't child.

Miss Tit. Indeed I should rather have Davy. Your honour, then, won't keep your thought my lady had been with you—by your word with me?

[Sulkily, looks, my lord, I am afraid fortune jilted you Sir John. Why, what did I promise you?

last night. Davy. That I should take sixpen'oth of one Lord Min. No, 'faith! our champaigne was of the theatres to-night, and a shilling-place at not good yesterday, and I am vapoured like our the other to-morrow,

English November; but one glance of my TitSir John. Well, well, so I did: is it a moral tup can dispel vapours like-likepiece, Davy?

Miss Tit. Like something very fine to be sure; Dády. O yes, and written by a clergyman ; it but pray keep your simile for the next time; and is called the Rival Carnanites, or the Tragedy harkye--a little prudence will not be amiss; Mr. of Bragadocia.

Jessamy will think you mad, and me worse. Sir John. Be a good lad, and I wou't be worse

(Half aside, than my word; there's money for you—[Gives Jes. O, pray don't mind me, madam. him some.] but come strait home, for I shall want Lord Min. "Gadso, Jessamy, look out my doto to bed.

mino and I'll ring the bell when I want you. Davy. To be sure, your honour—as I am Jes. I shall, my lord. Miss thinks that every to go soon, I'll make a night of it.

body is blind in the house but herself. [Aside, and erit.

[Aside, and exit. Sir John. This fellow would turn rake and Miss Tit. Upon my word, my lord, you must maccaroni if he was to stay here a week longer be a little more prudent, or we shall become the -Bless me, what dangers are in this town at town talk. every step! 0, that I were once settled safe Lord Min. And so I will, iny dear! and, again at Trotley Place! nothing but to save therefore, to prevent surprise, I'll lock the door. my country should bring me back again, My Miss Tit. What do you mean, my lord ? niece Lucretia is so be-fashioned and be-de- Lord Min. Prudence, child, prudence! I keep villed, that nothing, I fear, can save her; how- all my jewels under lock and key. ever, to ease my conscience, I must try. But Miss Tit. You are not in possession, yet, my what can be expected from the young women lord: I can't stay two minutes; I only came to of these times, but sallow looks, wild schemes, tell you, that Lady Minikin saw us yesterday in saucy words, and loose morals! They lie a- I the hackney-coach; she did not know me, i ben

cheat you,



lieve. She pretends to be greatly uneasy at your shan't see you, and you may see all; I'll be neglect of her; she certainly has some mischief short and pleasant with him. in her head.

[Puts her behind the chair, and opens Lord Min. No intentions, I hope, of being

the door.] fond of me? Mis Tit. No, no; make yourself easy; she

Enter Sir John. hates you most unalterably.

Lord Min. You have given me spirits again. [During this scene, my lord turns his chair, us

Miss Tit. Her pride is alarmed, that you Sir John moves, to conceal TITIUP. should prefer any of the sex to her. Lord Min. Her pride then has been alarmed,

Sir John. You'll excuse me, my lord, that I ever since I had the honour of knowing her.

have broken in upon you; I heard you talking Miss Tit. But, dear niy lord, let us be merry pretty loud; what, have you nobody with you? and wise; should she ever be convinced, that what were you about, cousin? (Looking about. we have a tendre for each other, she certainly

Lord Min. A particular affair, Sir John ; I alwould proclaim it, and then

ways lock myself up to study my speeches, and Lord Min. We should be envied, and she speak them aloud for the sake of the tone and would be laught at, my cousin.

action. Miss Tit. Nay, I would have her mortified,

Sir John. Ay, ay, it is the best way; I'm too; for, though I love her ladyship sincerely, i sorry I disturbed you; you will excuse me, coucannot say but I love a little mischief as sin- sin! cerely; but, then, if my uncle Trotley should

Lord Min. I am rather obliged to you, Sir know of our affairs, he is so old-fashioned, pru- | John ; intense application to these things ruins dish, and out-of-the-way, he would either strike my health; but one must do it for the sake of me out of his will, or insist upon my quitting the the nation house.

Sir John. May be so, and I hope the nation Lord Min. My good cousin is a queer mortal, will be the better for it-you'll excuse me! that's certain; I wish we could get him hand

Lord Min. Excuse you, Sir John ! I love your somely into the country again—he has a fine for- / frankness; but why wont you be franker still ? tune to leave behind him

we have always something for dinner, and you Miss Tit. But, then, he lives so regularly, and will never dine at home. never makes use of a physician, that he may

Sir John. You must know, my lord, that I live these twenty years.

love to know what I eat; I hate to travel, where Lord Min. What can we do with the barba- I don't know my way; and since you have rian?

brought in foreign fashions and figaries, every Miss Tit. I don't know what's the matter thing and every body are in masquerade; your with me, but I am really in fear of him: I sup- men and manners too, are as much frittered and pose reading his formal books, when I was in fricassced, as your beef and mutton; I love a the country with him, and going so constantly to plain dish, my lord.

Miss Tit. I wish I was out of the room, or he church, with my elbows stuck to my hips, and my toes turned in, has given me these foolish at the bottom of the Thames.

[Peeping. prejudices.

Sir John. But to the point. I came, my lord, to open my mind to you


my niece Tittup; Sie John TROTLEY knocking at the door.

shall I do it freely?

Miss Tit. Now for it! Sir John. My lord, my lord, are you busy? Lord Min. The freer the better; Tittup's a

My lord goes to the door softly. fine girl, cousin, and deserves all the kindness Miss Tit. Heavens! 'tis that detestable brute, you can show her. my uncle!

[LORD MINikin and TiTtUP makes signs ut Lord Min. That horrid dog, my cousin !

each other. Bliss Tit. What shall we do, my lord! Sir John. She must deserve it though, before

[Softly. she shall have it; and I would have her begin Sir John. [At the door.] Nay, my lord, my with lengthening her petticoats, covering her lord, I heard you ! pray let me speak with shoulders, and wearing a cap upon her head.

Miss Tit. 0, frightful!

[Aside, Lord Min. Ho, Sir John, is it you? I beg Lord Min. Don't you think a taper leg, fallyour pardon? I'll put up my papers, and open ing shoulders, and fine hair, delightful objects, the door.

Sir John ? Miss Tit. Stay, stay, my lord ! I would not Sir John. And, therefore, ought to be concealmeet him now for the world; if he sees meed; 'tis their interest to conceal them. When here, alone with you, he'll rave like a mad- you take from the men the pleasure of imaginaman; put me up the chimney : any where! tion, there will be a scarcity of husbands; and

[Alarmed. I then taper legs, falling shoulders, and fine hair, Lord Min. (Aloud.] I'm coming, Sir John! may be had for nothing. -here, here, get behind my great chair! he Lord Min. Well said, Sir Jobn! ha, ha, ha!

you !






your niece shall wear a horseman's coat and Sir Tan Tivy, will certainly break his neck; and jack-boots to please you-ha, ha, ha!

then my friend will be a happy man. Sir John. You may sneer, my lord; but, for Sir John. Here's morals! a happy man, when all that, I think my niece in a bad way; she his brother has broke his neck !-a happy man! must leave me and the country, forsooth, to see mercy on me! good company and fashions; I have seen them Lord Min. Wly, he'll have six thousand a. too, and wish from my heart, that she is not year, Sir John ! much worse for her journey-you'll excuse me! Sir John. I dont care what he'll have, nor

Lord Min. But why in a passion, Sir John ?- don't care what he is, nor who my niece mar[My lord nods and laughs at Miss Tutup, who ries; she is a fine lady, and let her have a fine peeps from behind.] Don't you think that my la- gentleman : I shan't hinder her. I'll away indy and I shall be able and willing to put her into to the country to-morrow, and leave you to the road?

your fine doings; I have no relish for them, not Sir John. Zounds, my lord, you are out of it I ; I can't live among you, nor eat with you, nor yourself! This comes of your travelling; all the game with you; I hate cards and dice; I will town know how you and my lady live together; neither rob, nor be robbed; I am contented and I must tell you, you'll excuse me! that my with what I have; and am very happy, my lord, niece suffers by the bargain. Prudence, my lord, though my brother has not broke his neckis a very fine tliing.

You'll excuse me!

[Exit. Lord Min. So is a long neckcloth nicely Lord Min. Ha, ha, ha! Come, fox; come out twisted into a button-hole ; but I dont chuse to of your hole! Ha, ha, ha! wear one-you'll excuse me!

Miss Tit, Indeed, my lord, you have undone Sir John. I wish that he, who first changed me; not a foot shall I have of Trotley manor long neckcloths for such things as you wear, had —that's positive !-But no matter ; there's no the wearing of a twisted neckcloth, that I would danger of his breaking his neck; so, I'll e’en give him.

make myself happy with what I have, and beLord Min. Prithee, baronet, don't be so have to him for the future, as if he was a poor horridly out of the way! Prudence is a very vul- relation. gar virtue, and so incompatible with our present Lord Min. [Kneeling, snatching her hand, ease and refinement, that a prudent man of fa- and kissing it.] I must kneel, and adore you shion is now as great a miracle as a pale woman for your spirit, my sweet, heavenly Lucretia! of quality; we got rid of our mauvuise honte, at the time we imported our neighbours' rouye, and

Re-enter Sir John, their morals.

Sir John. One thing I had forgot- [Starts. Sir John. Did you ever hear the like? I am Miss Tit. Ila! he's here again! not surprised, my lord, that you think so light- Sir John. Why, what the devil !-heigho! ly, and talk so vainly, who are so polite a hus- my niece Lucretia, and my virtuous lord, stuband; your lady, my cousin, is a fine woman, dying speeches for the good of the nation ! and brought you a fine fortune, and deserves bet- / Yes, yes, you have been making fine speeches, ter usage.

indeed, my lord! and your arguments have preLord Min. Will you have her, Sir John? she vailed, I see! I beg your pardon, I did not mean is very much at your service.

to interrupt your studies--you'll excuse me, my Sir John. Profligate! What did you marry her lord ! for, my lord?

Lord Min. [Smiling, and mocking him.] You'll Lord Min. Convenience- Marriage is not, excuse ine, Sir John! now-a-days, an affair of inclination, but conve- Sir John. O yes, my lord; but I am afraid the nience; and they who marry for love, and such devil won't excuse you at the

proper time!old fashioned stuff, are to me as ridiculous as Miss Lucretia, how do you, child? You are to those, who advertise for an agreeable companion be married soon-I wish the gentleman joy; in a post-chaise.

Miss Lucretia, he is a happy man, to be sure, and Sir John. I have done, my lord! Miss Tit- will want nothing but the breaking of his brotup shall either return with me into the coun- ther's neck to be completely so! try, or not a penny shall she have from Sir

Miss Tit. Upon my word, uncle, you are alJohn Trotley, Baronet.

ways putting bad constructions upon things; [Whistles and walks lord has been soliciting me to marry bis Miss Tit. I am frightened out of my wits ! friend--and having that moment-extorted a (LORD MINIKIN sings, and sits down. consent from me,

- he was thanking-and-and Sir John. Pray, my lord, what husband is this wishing me joy--in his foolish manner you have provided for her?

Hesitating. Lord Min. A friend of inine; a man of wit Sir John. Is that all?-But how came you and a fine gentleman.

here child? did you fly down the chimney, or in Sir John. May be so, and yet make a damned at the window?" for Í don't remember seeing husband for all that-You'll excuse me!-- What you, when I was here before. Estate has he, pray?

Miss Tit. How can you talk sn, Sir John ?. Lord Min. He's a colonel; his elder brother, 1 You really confound me with your suspicions;


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