SCENE I.-An Apartment in FREEMAN'S Enter FREEMAN and LovEL. Free. A country boy! ha, ha, ha!-How long has this scheme been in your head? Lov. Some time.I am now convinced, of what you have often been hinting to me, that I am confoundedly cheated by my servants. an honest fellow; and I will swear for my blacks. -If there is a rogue among my folks, it is that surly dog Tom. Free. You are mistaken in every one. Philip is an hypocritical rascal; Tom has a good deal of surly honesty about him; and for your blacks, they are as bad as your whites. Lov. Pr'ythee, Freeman, how came you to be so well acquainted with my people? None of the wenches are handsome enough to move the affections of a middle-aged gentleman as you are Free. Oh, are you satisfied at last, Mr. Lovel? I always told you, that there is not a worse set-ha, ha. ha! of servants in the parish of St. James's, than in your kitchen. Lov. Tis with some difficulty I believe it now, Mr. Freeman; though, I must own, my expences often make me stare.- -Philip, I am sure, is Free. You are a young man, Mr. Lovel, and take a pride in a number of idle unnecessary servants, who are the plague and reproach of this kingdom. Lov. Charles, you are an old-fashioned fellow, Servants a plague and reproach! ha, ha, ha! I-Odd and honest! Well-and now, what are would have forty more, if my house would hold the steps you intend to take. them. Why, man, in Jamaica, before I was ten years old, I had a hundred blacks kissing my feet every day. Free. You gentry of the Western Isles are high-mettled ones, and love pomp and parade.I have seen it delight your soul, when the people in the street have stared at your equipage; especially if they whispered loud enough to be heard, That is Squire Lovel, the great West Indian-ha, ha, ha! Lov. I should be very sorry if we were as splenetic as you northern islanders, who are devoured with melancholy and fog-ha, ha, ha! No, sir, we are children of the sun, and are born to diffuse the bounteous favour which our noble parent is pleased to bestow upon us. Free. I wish you had more of your noble parent's regularity, and less of his fire. As it is, you consume so fast, that not one in twenty of you live to be fifty years old. Lov. But in that fifty we live two hundred, my dear; mark that- But to business-I am resolved upon my frolic-I will know whether my servants are rogues or not. If they are, I'll bastinado the rascals; if not, I think I ought to pay for my impertinance.- -Pray tell me, is not your Robert acquainted with my people? Perhaps he may give a little light into the thing. [Returns the letter. Lov. I shall immediately apply to my friend the manager for a disguise.-Under the form of a gawky country boy, I will be an eye-witness of my servants' behaviour.-You must assist me, Mr. Freeman. Free. As how, Mr. Lovel? Lov. My plan is this-I gave it out that I was going to my borough in Devonshire; and yesterday set out with my servant in great form, and lay at Basingstoke. Free. Well? Lov. I ordered the fellow to make the best of his way down into the country, and told him that I would follow him; instead of that, I turned back, and am just come to town: Ecce signum! [Points to his boots. Free. It is now one o'clock. Lov. This very afternoon I shall pay my people a visit. Free. How will you get in? Lov. When I am properly habited, you shall get me introduced to Philip, as one of your tenant's sons, who wants to be made a good ser vant of. Free. They will certainly discover you. Lov. Never fear; I'll be so countrified, that you shall not know me.- -As they are thoroughly persuaded I am many miles off, they'll be more easily imposed on. Ten to one, but they begin to celebrate my departure with a drinking bout, if they are what you describe Free. To tell you the truth, Mr. Lovel, your servants are so abandoned, that I have forbid him your house.However, if you have a mind to ask him any question, he shall be forth-themcoming. Lov. Let us have him. Free. Shall you be able to play your part? Lov. I am surprized, Mr. Freeman, that you, who have known me from my infancy, should not remember my abilities in that way. But you old fellows have short memories. Free. What should I remember? Lov. How I played Daniel in the Conscious Lovers at school, and afterwards arrived at the distinguished character of the mighty Mr. Scrub[Mimicking. Free. Ha, ha, ha! that is very well-Enough -Here is Robert. Enter ROBERT. Rob. Your honour ordered me to wait on you. Free. I did, Robert. Robert! Rob. Sir? Free. Come here.~You know, Robert, I have a good opinion of your integrity. Rob. I have always endeavoured that your honour should. Free. Pray have not you some acquaintance among Mr. Lovel's people? Rob. A little, please your honour. Free. How do they behave?-We have nobody but friends-you may speak out. Lov. Ay, Robert, speak out. Rob. I hope your honours will not insist on my saying any thing in an affair of this kind? Lov. Oh, but we do insist, if you know any thing Rob. Sir, I am but a servant myself: and it would not become me to speak ill of a brother servant. Free. Psha! this is false honesty!-speak out. Rob. Don't oblige me, good sir. Consider, sir, a servant's bread depends upon his carackter. Lov. But if a servant uses me ill Rob. Alas, sir! what is one man's poison, is another man's meat. Free. You see how they trim for one another! Rob. Service, sir, is no inheritance.-A servant that is not approved in one place, may give satisfaction in another. Every body must live, your honour. Lov. I like your heartiness as well as your caution; but, in my case, it is necessary that I should know the truth. Rob. The truth, sir, is not to be spoken at all times; it may bring one into trouble; whereof if Rob. I am sorry to say it to your honour, but your honour is not only imposed on, but laughed at by all your servants, especially by Philip, who is a very bad man. Lov. Philip! an ungrateful dog! Well? Rob. I could not presume to speak to your honour; and therefore I resolved, though but a poor scribe, to write your honour a letter. Lov. Robert, I am greatly indebted to you. Here[Offers money. Rob. On any other account than this, I should be proud to receive your honour's bounty; but now I beg to be excused. Lov Thou hast a noble heart, Robert, and I'll not forget you! Freeman, he must be in the seWait your master's orders. gret. Free. Well, sir, are you convinced now? Lov. Convinced? Yes; and I'll be among the scoundrels before night. You or Robert must contrive some way or other to get me introduced to Philip, as one of your cottager's boys out of Essex. Free. Ha, ha, ha! you'll make a fine figure. Lov. They shall make a fine figure. It must be done this afternoon : walk with me across the Park, and I'll tell you the whole. My name shall be Jemmy; and I am come to be a gentleman's servant-and will do my best, and hope to get a good carackter. [Mimicking. Free. But what will you do if you find them rascals? Lov. Discover myself, and blow them all to the devil! Come along. Free. Ha, ha, ha! Bravo! Jemmy! Bravo! [Exeunt. ha, ha! SCENE II.-The Park. Enter Duke's Servant. What wretches are ordinary servants, that go on in the same vulgar track every day! eating, working, and sleeping!-But we, who have the honour to serve the nobility, are of another species. We are above the common forms, have servants to wait upon us, and are as lazy and luxurious as our masters-Ha! my dear Sir Harry! Enter SIR HARRY'S Servant. How have you done these thousand years? Sir Har. My lord Duke!—your grace's most obedient servant. Duke. Well, baronet, and where have you been? Sir Har. At Newmarket, my lord. We have had devilish fine sport! Duke. And a good appearance, I hear-Pox take it, I should have been there; but our old duchess died, and we were obliged to keep house for the decency of the thing. Sir Har. I picked up fifteen pieces. Sir Har. The viscount's people have been bloodily taken in this meeting. Duke. Credit me, baronet, they know nothing of the turf. Sir Har. I assure you, my lord, they lost every match; for Crab was beat hollow, Careless threw his rider, and Miss Slammerkin had the distemper. Duke. Ha, ha, ha! I'm glad on't-Taste this snuff, Sir Harry. [Offers his box. Sir Har. 'Tis good rapee. Duke. Right Strasburg, I assure you; and of my own importing. Sir Har. Aye! Duke. The city people adulterate it so confoundedly, that I always import my own snuff. I wish my lord would do the same; but he is so indolent!—When did you see the girls? I saw Lady Bab this morning; but, 'fore Gad, whether it be love or reading, she looked as pale as a penitent. Sir Har. I have just had this card from Lovel's people. [Reads. 6 Philip and Mrs. Kitty present their com pliments to Sir Harry, and desire the honour of his company this evening, to be of a smart party, and eat a bit of supper?' Duke. I have the same invitation. Their master, it seems, is gone to his borough. Sir Har. You'll be with us, my lord?-Philip's a blood. Duke. A buck of the first head! I'll tell you a secret; he's going to be married. Sir Har. To whom? Duke. To Kitty. Sir Har. No! Duke. Yes, he is; and I intend to cuckold him. Sir Har. Then we may depend upon your grace for certain. Ha, ha, ha! Duke. If our house breaks up in a tolerable time, I'll be with you-Have you any thing for us? Sir Har. Yes, a little bit of poetry. I must be at the Cocoa-tree myself till eight. Duke. Heigh, ho! I am quite out of spiritsI had a damned debauch last night, baronetLord Francis, Bob the bishop, and I, tipt off four bottles of Burgundy a-piece-Ha! there are two fine girls coming! Faith, Lady Bab! aye, and Lady Charlotte! [Takes out his glass. Sir Har. We'll not join them. Duke. O yes; Bab is a fine wench, notwithstanding her complexion: though I should be glad she would keep her teeth cleanerEnglish women are damned negligent about -How is your Charlotte in that their teeth particular? -Your Sir Har. My Charlotte! Duke. Ay, the world says you are to have ber. Sir Har. I own I did keep her company; but we are off, my lord. Duke. How so? Enter LADY BAB's Maid, and LADY CHAR- Lady Bab. Oh fie, Lady Charlotte! you are quite indelicate; I am sorry for your taste. Lady Char. Well, I say it again, I love Vauxhall. Lady Bab. O my stars! Why, there is nobody there but filthy citizens. Lady Char. We were in hopes the raising the price would have kept them out, ha, ha, ha ! Lady Bab. Ha, ha, ha !————Runelow for my money. Lady Char. Now you talk of Runelow, when did you see the Colonel, Lady Bab? Lady Bab. The Colonel! I hate the fellowHe had the assurance to talk of a creature in Gloucestershire, before my face. Lady Char. He is a pretty man for all that— Soldiers, you know, have their mistresses every where. Lady Bab. I despise him! How goes on your affair with the baronet? Lady Char. The baronet is a stupid wretch, and I shall have nothing to say to him. You are to be at Lovel's to-night, Lady Bab? Lady Bub. Unless I alter my mind I don't admire visiting these commouers, Lady Charlotte. Lady Char. Oh, but Mrs. Kitty has taste. Lady Char. The duke is fond of her, and he has judgment. Lady Bab. The duke might shew his judgment much better. [Holding up her head. Lady Char. There he is, and the baronet, too. Take no notice of them. We'll rally them by and by. Lady Bab. Dull souls! Let us set up a loud laugh, and leave them. Lady Cha. Ay, let us begone; for the common people do so stare at us-we shall certainly be mobbed. Both. Ha, ha, ha !—ha, ha, ha ! [Exeunt. Duke and SIR HARRY come forward. Duke, They certainly saw us, and are gone off laughing at us. I must follow. Sir Har. No, no. Duke. I must, I must have a party of raillery with them; a bon mot or so. Sir Harry, you'll excuse me. Adieu! I'll be with you in the evening, if possible: though, hark ye! there is a bill depending in our house, which the ministry make a point of our attending; and so, you know, mum! we must mind the stops of the great fiddle.-Adieu ! [Exit Duke. Sir Har. What a coxcomb this is! and the fellow can't read. It was but the other day that he was a cow-boy in the country; then was bound prentice to a periwig-maker, got into my lord duke's family, and now sets up for a fine gentleman: O tempora, O mores! |