Page images
PDF
EPUB

art indebted to thy tailor. Thou hast lost thy

Enter Buck. native language, and brought home none in exchange for it.

Buck. So, so, I thought she would come to; Buck. Ertremément bien !

but, I confess, not altogether so soon. Eh bien, Luc. Had not thy vanity so soon exposed thy ma belle, see me ready to receive your comvilliany, I might, in reverence to that name, to mands. which thou art a disgrace, have taken a wretched Luc. Pray, be seated, Sir Charles. I am at chance with thee for life.

fraid the natural warmth of my temper might Buck. I am obliged to thee for that; and a have hurried me into some expressions not altopretty pacific partner I should have had. Why, gether so suitable. lookye, child, you have been, to be sure, very elő Buck. Ah, bagatelle. Name it not. quent, and, upon the whole, not unentertaining: Luc. Will you drink tea, sir? though, by the by, you have forgot in your cata

Buck. Volontiers. This tea is a pretty innoJogue one of my foreign acquisitions; c'est à dire, cent kind of beverage; I wonder the French that I can, with a most intrepid sang froid, with don't take it. I have some thoughts of giving it out a single emotion, support all this storm of fe- a fashion next winter. male fury. But, adieu, mu belle ; and when a Luc. That will be very obliging. It is of excool hour of reflection has made you sensible of treme service to the ladies this side of the water, the propriety of iny proposals, I shall expect the you know. honour of a card.

[Erit. Buck. True, it promotes parties, and infuses a Luc. I am ashamed this thing has had the kind of spirit into conversation. But what has power to move me thrus. Who waits there? De- occasioned me, ma reine, the honour of your sire Mr. Crab

message by Mr. Crab?

Luc. The favours I have received from your Enter Lord John and CRAB.

family, Sir Charles, I thought, demanded from Lord John. We have been, unwillingly, ma-me, at my quitting your house, a more decent dam, sileat witnesses to this shameful scene. I and ceremonious adieu than our last interview blush, that a creature, who wears the outward would admit of. marks of humanity, should be in his morals so

Buck. Is that all, ma chere? I thought your much below

Alinty heart had at last relented. Well, ma reine, Crab. Pr'ythee, why didst thou not call thy adieu ! maids, and toss the booby in a blanket?

Luc. Can you, then, leave me? Lord John. If I might be permitted, madam,

Buck. The fate will have it so. to conclude what I intended saying, when inter Luc. Go then, perfidious traitor, be gone! I rupted by Mr. Crab

have this consolation, however, that if I canLuc. My lord, don't think me guilty of affec- not legally possess you, no other woman shall. tation; I believe I guess at your generous de Buck. Hey, how, what! sign: but my temper is really so ruffled—besides, Luc. And though the pleasure of living with I am meditating a piece of female revenge on you is denied me, in our deaths, at least, we shall this coxcomb.

soon be united. Lord John. Dear madam, can I assist? Buck. Soon be united in death! When, child?

Luc. Only by desiring my maid to bring hi Luc. Within this hour. ther the tea. My lord, I am confounded at the Buck. Which way? liberty, but

Luc. The fatal draught's already at my heart. Lord John. No apology-You honour me, I feel it here; it runs through every pore. madam.

[Erit. Pangs, pangs, unutterable! The tea we drank, Crab. And, pr’ythee, wench, what is thy urged by despair and love-Oh! scheme?

Buck. Well! Lue. Oh, a very harmless one, I promise you. Luc. I poisoned Crab. Zounds, I am sorry for it. I long to see

Buck. The devil ! the puppy severely punished, methinks.

Luc. And as my generous heart would have Luc. Sir Charles, I fancy, can't be yet got out shared aļl with you, I gave you half. of the house. Will you desire him to step hi Buck. Oh, curse yonr generosity! 'ther?

Luc. Indulge me in the cold comfort of a last Crab. I'll bring him.

embrace. Luc. No, I wish to have him alone.

Buck. Embrace ! O, confound you ! But it Crab. Why, then, I'll send him. [Erit. may not be too late. Macruthen, Jonquil, phy

sicians, apothecaries, oil, and antidotes. Oh, Enter LEITICE. Je meurs, je meurs! Ah, la diablesse ?

[Erit Buck. Luc. Place these things on the table, a chair

Enter LORD JOnn and CRAB. on cach side- very well. Do you keep within call, But hark, he is here. Leave me, Lettice. Crad. A brave wench! I could kiss thee for

[Erit. this contrivance.

came,

Lord John. He really deserves it all.

Buck. Name them. Take my estate, nyCrab. Deserves it! Hang hirn. But the sen save but my life, take all. sible resentment of this girl has almost reconci Crab. First, then, renounce thy right to that led me to the world again. But stay, let us see- lady, whose just resentment has drawn this puCan't we make a further use of this puppy's pu- nishmeut upon thee, and in which she is an unnishment? I suppose we may very safely depend happy partaker. on your contempt of him.

Buck. I renounce her from my soul. Luc. Most securely.

Crab. To this declaration you are witnesses, Crab. And this young thing here has been Next, your tawdry trappings, your foreign fopbreathing passions and protestations. But I'll pery, your washes, paints, pomades, must blaze take care my girl shan't go a beggar to any man's before your door. bed. We must have this twenty thousand Buck. What all ? pound, Lucy.

Crab. All; not a rag shall be reserved. The Lord John. I regard it not. Let me be hap- execution of this part of your sentence shall be py, and let him be

assigned to your old friends here. Crab. Pshaw, don't scorch me with thy flames. Buck. Well, take them. Reserve your raptures; or, if they must have Crab. And, lastly, I'll have these exotic atvent, retire into that room, whilst I go plague the tendants, these instruments of your luxury, these puppy

panders to your pride, packed in the first cart, [Erit CRAB one way, Lucy and LORD and sent post to the place from whence they JOHN another.

Buck. Spare me but La Jonquil !

Crab. Not an instant. The importation of SCENE II. – Discovers Buck, MACRUTHEN, these puppies makes a part of the politics of

JONQUIL, BEARNOIS, LA LOIRE, Physiciun your old friends the French; unable to resist you, and Surgeon. Buck in a night-cup and gown. whilst you retain your ancient roughness, they

have recourse to these minions, who would first, Sur. This copious phlebotoiny will abate the by unmauly means, sap and soften all your nainflammation; and if the six blisters ou your tive spirit, and then deliver you an easy prey to head and back rise, why there may be bopes. their employers.

Buck. Cold comfort. I burn, I burn, I burn ! Buck. Since, then, it must be so, adieu, La Ah, there is a shoot! And now again, I freeze! Jonquil !!!

(Ereunt Servants. Mac. Ay, they are aw symptoms of a strong Crab. And now to the remedy. Come forth, poison.

Lucinda.
Buck. Oh, I am on the rack !
Mac. Oh, if it be got to the vitals, a fig for

Enter LUCINDA and LORD John, aw antidotes.

Buck. Hey, why did not she swallow the poi-
Enter CRAB.

son?
Crab. No; nor you

neither,
?, you

blockhead. Crab. Where is this miserable devil What,

Buck. Why, did not I leave you in pangs? is he alive still!

Luc. Ay, put on. The tea was innocent, upon Mac. In gude troth, and that's aw.

my honour, Sir Charles. But you allow me to Buck. Oh!

be an excellent uctrice. Crab. So, you have made a pretty piece of

Buck. Oh, curse your talents ! work on't, young man!

Crab. This fellow's public renunciation has Buck. 0, what could provoke me to return put your person and fortune in your power; and from Paris !

if you were sincere in your declaration of being Crab. Had you never been there, this could directed by me, bestow it there. not have happened.

Luc. As a proof of my sincerity, my lord, re

ceive it. Enter RACKET and TALYHOE.

Lord John. With more transport than Sir

Charles the news of his safety! Rack. Where is he? He's a dead man; his Luc. [To Buck.] You are not at present in a eyes are fixed already.

condition to take possession of your post. Buck. Oh!

Buck. What? Tal. Who poisoned him, Racket?

Luc. Oh, you recollect! my lord's private Rack. Gad I don't know. His French cook, friend; his assistant, you know. I reckon.

Buck. Oh, oh! Crab. Were there a possibility of thy refor Mac. But, Sir Charles, as I find the affair of mation, I have yet a secret to restore thee. the poison was but a joke, had na' ye better withBuck. Oh,give it, give it!

draw, and tak off your blisters? Crab. Not so fast. It must be on good con Crab. No, let them stick. He wants them.ditioas.

And now concludes my care. But, before we

close the scene, receive, young man, this last ad-politics are pernicious to the peace, of

your navice from the old frieod of your father : As it is tive land. your happiness to be born a Briton, let it be your boast; know, that the blessings of liberty A convert to these sacred truths, you'll find are your birth-right, which, while you preserve, That poison, for your punishment designed, other nations may envy or fear, but never con Will prove a wholesome medicine to your quer or contemn you. Believe, that French

mind.

(Eseunt omnes. fashions are as ill suited to the genius, as their

[ocr errors][merged small]
[blocks in formation]

expose him.

SCENE I.-A Room.

Goo. And how has he lived since!

Rob. Poorly, but honestly: to his pen he owes GOVERNOR CAPE and Robin.

all his subsistence. I am sure my heart bleeds Goo. And he believes me dead, Robin! for him: consider, sir, to what temptations you Rob. Most certainly.

God. You have given him no intimation that Gov. The severer his trials, the greater bis trihis fortunes might mend?

umph. Shall the fruits of my honest industry, Rob. Not a distant hint.

the purchase of so many perils, be lavished on a Goo. How did he receive the news?

lazy, luxurious booby, who has no other merit Rob. Calmly enough: when I told him, that than being born five-and-twenty years after me! his hopes from abroad were at an end, that the No, no, Robin; him, and a profusion of debts, friend of his deceased father thought he had were all that the extravagance of bis mother left done enough in putting it in his power to earn his owo livelihood, he replied, 'twas no more Rob. You loved her, sir? thau he had long expected, charged me with his Goo. Fondly, nay foolishly; or necessity had warmest acknowledgements to his concealed be not compelled me to seek for shelter in another nefactor, thanked me for my care, sighed, and climate.' 'Tis true, fortune has been favourable left me.

to my labours; and when George convinces me,

me.

see.

that he inherits my spirit, he shall share my pro

Cape. Take it

(Throws it at him. perty; not else.

Devil. What, d'ye think it belongs to the cirRob. Consider, sir, he has not your opportuni- culating library, or that it is one of your own perties.

formances, that youGod. Nor had I his education.

Cape. You shall have a larger-[Erit Devil.] Rob. As the world goes, the worst you could ----Sdeath! a pretty situation I am in! And ar have given liim. Lack-a-day! Learning, learu- these the fruits I am to reap from a long, laboriing, sir, is no commodity for this market : no- ous, and expensivething inakes money here, sir, but money; or some certain fashionable qualities that you would not

Re-enter Devil. wish your son to possess. God. Learning useless! Impossible! Where

Devil. I had like to have forgot; here's your are the Oxfords, the Halifaxes, the great protec

week's pay for the newspaper, fire and fivepence; tors and patrons of the liberal arts?"

which, with the two-and-a-penny master passed Rob. Patron! The world has lost its use; a bis word for to Mrs. Suds, your washerwoman, guinea-subscription at the request of a lady, makes the three half-crowns. whose chambermaid is acquainted with the au

Cape. Lay it on the table. thor, may be now and then picked up-Protec

Devil. Here's a man on the stairs wants you ; tor! Why, I dare believe there's more money by the sheepishness of his looks, and the shabbilaid out upon Islington turnpike, in a month, than dess of his dress, he's either a pick-pocket or a upon all the learned men in Great Britain in se poet-Here, walk in, Mr. What-d'ye-call-um, ven years.

the gentleman's at home. Goo. And yet the press groans with their pro

Surveys the figure, laughs, and exit. ductions! How do they all exist ? Rob. In garrets, sir; as, if you will step to

Enter Poet. your son's apartment, in the next street, you will Poet. Your name, I presume, is Cape?

Cape. You have hit it, sir. Goo. But what apology shall we make for the Poet. Sir, I beg pardon; you are a gentlemata visit?

that writes? Rob. That you want the aid of his profession; Cape. Sometimes. a well-perined address, now, from the subjects of Poet. Why, sir, my case, in a word, is this : 1, your late government, with your gracious reply, like you, have long been a retainer of the Muses, to put into the newspapers..

as you may see by their livery. Goo. Ay! is that part of his practice? Well Cape. They have not discarded you, I hope? lead on, Robin.

[Ereunt. Poet. No, sir; but their upper servants, the

booksellers, have, I printed a collection of jests SCENE II.-Cape's Lodgings,-YOUNG CAPE

upon my owu account, and they have ever

since discovered with the Printer's Devil.

refused to employ me; you, sir, I hear, are in Cape. Pr’ythee, go about thy business-vanjsh, their graces : now I have brought you, sir, three dear devil.

imitations of Juvenal in prose; Tully's oration Dedil. Master bid me not come without the for Milo, in blank verse; two essays on the Briproof; he says as how there are two other an- tish herring-fishery, with a large collection of re swers ready for the press; and if yours don't busses; which, if you will dispose of to them, in come out a Saturday, 'twont pay for the paper. your own name, we'll divide the profits. But you are always so lazy; I have more plague Cape. I am really, sir, sorry for your distress ; with you there's Mr. Guzzle, the translator, but I have a larger cargo of my own manufacnever keeps me a minute--unless the poor gen- turing, than they choose to engage in. tleman happens to be fuddled.

Poet. That's pity; you have nothing in the Cape. Why you little, sooty, snivelling, diabo-compiling or index way, that you would entrust lical puppy, is it not sufficient to be plagued with to the care of another? the stupidity of your absurd master, but I must Cape. Nothing. be pestered with your impertinence ?

Poet. I'll do it at half price. Devil. Impertinence! Marry come up, I keep Cape. I'm concerned it is not in my power, at as good company as your worship every day in present, to be useful to you; but if this trifle the year--there's Mr. Clench, in Little Britain, Poet. Sir, your servant. Shall I leave you does not think it beneath him to take part of a any of mypot of porter with me, though he has wrote two Cape. By no means. volumes of Lives in quarto, and has a fulio a-co Poet. An essay or an ode? ming out in numbers.

Cape. Not a line. Cape. Harkye, sirrah, if you don't quit the Poet. Your very obedientrooin this instant, I'll show you a shorter way in

[Exit Poet. to the street, than the stairs.

Cape. Poor fellow! And how far am I removDevil

. I shall save you the trouble; give me ed from his condition? Virgil had his Pollio ; the French book that you took the story from Horace his Mæcenas ; Martial his Pliny. My for the last journal.

protectors are, Title-page the ablisher, Vamp

« PreviousContinue »