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Mrs. Sneak. Here, looby: there, lay these Mrs. Sneak. I see, sir, you have a proper things in the hall; and then go and look after sense of my sufferings. the horse. Are you sure you have got all the Maj. and would shed my best blood to relieve things out of the chaise?
them. Sneak. Yes, chuck.
Mrs. Sneak. Gallant gentleman !
Maj. The brave must favour the fair!
Maj. Divine Mrs. Sneak!
Mrs. Sneak. Sir Sneak. I go, lovy: Good day to my father-in Maj. Just to ravish a kiss from your hand! law.
Mrs. Sneak. You have a right to all we can Sir Jac. I am glad to see you, son Suuak. But grant. where is
your brother Bruin and his wife? Maj. Courteous, condescending, complying Sneak. He will be here anon, father Sir Ja--Hum-lia! cob; he did but just step into the alley, to
Enter SNEAK. gather bow tickets were sold.
Sir Jac. Very well, son Sneak. [Erit SNEAK. Sneak. Chuck, my brother and sister Bruin,
Mrs. Sneak. Son! yes, and a pretty son you are just turning the corner; the Clapham stage have provided.
was quite full, and so they came by water, Sir Jac. I hope all for the best: why, what Mrs. Sneak. I wish they had all been soused terrible work there would have been, had you in the Thames A prying, impertinent puppy! married such a one as your sister! one house Maj. Next time I will clap a centinel to see could never have contained you-Now, I cure the door. thought this meek mate
Mrs. Sneak. Major Sturgeon, permit me to Mrs. Sneak. Meek! a mushroom, a milksop! withdraw for a moment; my dress demands a
Sir Jac. Look ye, Molly, I have married you little repair. to a man; take care you don't make him a Maj. Your ladyslip's most entirely devotedmonster.
[Erit SIR JACOB Mrs. Sneak. Ladyship! he is the very Broglio Mrs. Sneuk. Monster ! Why, major, the fel- and Belleisle of the army! low has no more heart than a mouse. Had my Sneak. Shall I wait upon you, dove? kind stars, indeed, allotted me a military man, I Mrs. Sneak No, dolt! what, would you leave should doubtless have deported myself in a be- the major alone? is that your manners, you seemingly manner.
mongrelt Moj. Unquestionably, madam.
Maj. Oh, madam, I can never be alone; your Mrs. Sneak. Nor would the major have sweet idea will be my constant companion. found, had it been my fortune to intermarry Mrs. Sneak. Mark that! I am sorry, sir, I with him, that Molly Jollup would have dis-am obligated to leave you. honoured his cloth.
Maj. Madam. Maj. I should have been too happy.
Mrs. Sneak. Especially with such a wretched Mrs. Sneak. Indeed, sir, I reverence the ar- companion. my: they are all so brave, so polite, so every Maj. Oh, madam thing a woman can wish
Mrs. Sneak. But as soon as my dress is reMaj. Oh ! Madam
stored, I shall Ay to relieve your distress. Mrs. Sneak. So elegant, so genteel, so obli Maj. For that moment I shall wait with the ging: and then the rank! why, who would dare greatest inpatience. to affront the wife of a major
Mrs. Sneak. Courteous commander ! Maj. No man with impunity; that I take the Maj. Parragon of women! freedom to say, madam.
Mrs. Sneak, Adieu ! Mrs. Sneak. I know it, good sir. Oh! I am Maj. Adieu !
(Exit Mrs. SNEAK. no stranger to what I have missed.
Sneak. Notwithstanding, sir, all my chicken Maj. Oh, madam !-Let me die but she has has said, I am special company when she is pot infinite merit.
[Aside. by. Mrs. Sneak. Then to be joined to a sneak Maj. I doubt not, Mr. Sneak. ing, slovenly cit; a paltry, prying, pitiful pin Sneak. If you would but come one Thursday maker !
night to our club, at the Nagg's-Head in the Maj. Melancholy !
Poultry, you would meet some roaring, rare Mrs. Sneak. To be jostled and crammed with boys, i’faith! There's Jemmy Perkins the packer, the crowd; no respect, no place, no precedence; little Tom Simkins the grocer, honest master to be choaked with the smoke of the city; no Muzzle the midwife country jaunts but to Islington ; no balls but at Maj. A goodly company! Pewterer's-hall !
Sneak. Ay; and then sometimes we have the Maj, Intolerable!
Choice Spirits from Comus's Court, and we crack jokes, and are su jolly and funny! I bare
learnt myself to sing ' An old women clothed in Mrs. Bruin. And, pray, who is more fitterer gray.' But I durst not sing out loud, because to be trusted? my wife would overhear me; and she says as Bruin. Hey.day! Why, the wer.ch is behow I bawls worserer than the broom-man. witched ! Come, come, let us have none of your
Maj. And you must not think of disobliging palaver here—Take twelve-pence and pay the your lady?
waterman. But, first see if he has brok'e none Sneak. I never does: I never contradicts her, of the pipes—And, d’ye hear, Jane, be sure lay
the fishing-rod safe. [Exit Mrs. Bruin. Maj. That's right: she is a woman of infinite Sneak. Od's me, how finely she's managed ! merit.
What would I give to have my wife as much unSneak. O, a power! And don't you think she der! is very pretty withal ?
Bruin. It is your own fault, brother Sneak. Maj. A Venus !
Sneuk. D'ye think so ? She is a sweet pretty Sneak. Yes, werry like Wenus--Mayhap you creature. have known her some tiine ?
Bruin. A vixen. Maj. Long.
Sneak. Why, to say the truth, she does now Sneak. Belike before she was married? and then hector a little ; and, between ourMaj. I did, Master Sneak.
selves, domineers like the devil. O, Lord, I lead Sneak. Ay, when she was a wirgin. I thought the life of a dog! Why she' allows me but two you was an old acquaintance by your kissing her shillings a week for my pocket. hand; for we ben't quite so familiar as that Bruin, No! But, then, indeed, we han't been married a Sneak. No, man; 'tis she that receives and year.
pays all: and, then, I am forced to trot after her Maj. The merc'honey-moon.
to church, with her cardinal, pattens, and praySneuk. Ay, ay, I suppose we shall come to it er-book, for all the world as if I was still a by degrees.
'prentice! Bruin. (Within.] Come along, Jane; why, Bruin. Zounds! I would souse them all in you are as pursy and lazy, you jade
Sneak. I durst not; and, then, at table I neEnter Bruin and Wife ; Bruin with a cotton ver gets what I loves. cap on; his wife with his wig, great coat, and
Bruin. The devil ! fishing-rod.
Sneak. No; she always helps me herself to
the tough drumsticks of turkeys, and the damned Bruin. Come, Jane, give me my wig; you fat flaps of shoulders of inutton. I don't think I slut, how you have touzled the curls ! Master have eat a bit of undercrost since we have been Sneak, a good morning to you. Sir, I am your married. You see, brother Bruin, I am alnost humble servant unknown.
as thin as a lath.
Bruin. An absolute skeleton !
Sneak. Now, it you think I could carry my Rog. Mrs. Sneak begs to speak with the ma-point, I would so swinge and leather my lambjor.
kin! God, I would so curry and claw her! Maj. I will wait on the lady immediately. Bruin. By the lord Harry, she richly deserves
Sneak. Don't tarry an instant; you can't it. think how impatient she is. [Erit Major.] A Sneak. Will you, brother, lend me a lift? good morrow to you, brother Bruin; you have Bruin. Command me at all times. had a warın walk across the fields.
Sneak. Why, then, I will verily pluck up a Mrs. Bruin. Good lord, I am all in a muck spirit; and the first time she offers to-
Bruin. And who may you thank for it, hussy? Mrs. Sneak. [Within.] Jerry, Jerry Sneak! If you had got up time enough, you might have Sneak. Gad's my life, sure as a gun that's her secured the stage; but you are a lazy lie-a- voice! Look ye, brother, I don't choose to breed bed
a disturbance in another body's house! but as Mrs. Bruin. There's Mr. Sneak keeps my soon as ever I get homesister a chay.
Bruin. Now is your
time. Bruin. And so he may; but I know better Sneak. No, no; it would not be decent. what to do with my money : Indeed if the war Mrs. Sneak. [Within.] Jerry, Jerry ! had but continued awbile, I don't know what Sneak. I come, lovy! But you will be sure to mought ha' been done; but this plaguy peace, stand by me? with a pox to it, has knocked up all the trade Bruin. Trot, nincompoop, of the Alley.
Sneak. Well, it I dont-I wishMrs. Bruin. For the matter of that; we can Mrs. Sneak. [Within.] Where is this lazy afford it well enough as it is.
puppy a-loitering? Bruin. And how do you know that? Who Sneak. I come, chuck, as fast as I can-Good told you as much, Mrs. Mixen? I hope I know lord, what a sad life do Í lead! [Erit. the world better than to trust my concernswith Bruin. Er quovis linguo : who can make a a wise: no, no; thank you for that, Mrs. Jane. I sil k purse of a sow's ear?
Sir Jac. Come, come, man; don't be so crusEnter Sie JACOB,
Bruin. I follow, Sir Jacob. Damme, when Sir Jac. Come, son Bruin, we are all seated once a man gives up his prerogative, he might at table, man; we have but just time for a as well give up-But, however, it is no bread snack: the candidates are near upon coming. and butter of mine-Jerry, Jerry! Zounds, I
Bruin. A poor, paltry, mean-spirited-Damn would jerry and jerk her, too! it! before I would submit to such a
SCENE I.--Sir Jacob's HOUSE.
Maj. Ay, ay; I could have told these things
formerly; but since I have been in the arıny, I. SIR JACOB, MAJOR STURGEON, Mr. and Mrs.
have entirely neglected the classes. BRUIN, MR. and Mrs. SNEAK, discovered.
Mob, [Without.] Huzza! Mrs. Sneak. Indeed major, not a grain of cu
Sir Jac. But the heroes are at hand, inajor. riosity! Can it be thought that we, who have a Sneak. Father Sir Jacob, might we not have a lord-mayor's show every year, can take any plea- tankard of stingo above? sure in this?
Sir Jac. By all means. Maj. In time of war, madam, these meetings
Sneak. D'ye hear, Roger? are not amiss; I fancy a inan might pick up a
(Exeunt into the balcony, good many recruits ; but in these piping times of peace, I wonder Sir Jacob permits it.
SCENE II.-A Street. Sir Jac. It would, major, cost me my popula. Enter Mob, with Heel-tap at their head; some rity to quash it: the common people are fond of their customs, as the barons were of their
crying a Goose ! others, A Mug! others, A
Primmer! Magna Charta: besides, my tenants make some little advantage.
Heel. Silence there-Silence!
1st Mob. Hear neighbour Heel-tap ! Enter ROGER.
2d Mob. Ay, ay, bear Crispin. Rog. Crispin Heel-tap, with the electors, are 3d Mob. Ay, ay, hear him, hear Crispin: he set out from the Adam and Eve.
will put us into the model of the thing at once. Sir Jac. Gad so, then they will soon be upon Heel. Why, then, silence, 1 say! us: Come, good folks, the balcony will give us All. Silence ! the best view of the whole. Major, you will Heel. Silence, and let us proceed, neighbours, take the ladies under protection?
with all the decency and confusion usual upon Maj. Sir Jacob, I am upon guard.
these occasions. Sir Jac. I can tell you, this Heel-lap is an 1st Mob. Ay, ay, there is no doing without arch rascal
that. Sneak, And plays the best game at cribbage All, No, no, no! in the whole corporation of Garratt.
Heel. Silence, then, and keep the peace ; Mrs. Sneak. That puppy will always be a what, is there no respect paid to authority? ama chattering.
not I the returning officer? Sneak. Nay, I did but
All. Ay, ay, ay. Mrs. Sneak. Hold your tongue, or I'll send Heel. Chosen by yourselves, and approved of you home in an instant
by Sir Jacob? Sir Jac. Pr’ythee, daughter! You may to-day, All. True, true ! major, meet with something that will put you in Heel. Well, then, be silent and civil: Stand mind of more important transactions.
back there, that gentleman without a shirt, and Maj. Perhaps so.
make room for your belters, Where is Simon Sir Jac. Lack-a-day, all men are alike; their Snuifle the sexton ? principles exactly the same : for though art and Snuf. Here. education may disguise or polish the manner, Hecl. Let him come forward; we appoint him the same motives and springs are universally our secretary: for Simon is a scollard, and can planted.
read written hạnd; and so let him be respected Maj. Indeed.
accordingly. Sir Jac. Why, in this mob, this group of ple 3d Mob. Room for master Snuffle! beians, you will meet with materials to make a Heel. Here, stand by me; and let us, neighSyHa, a Cicero, a Solon, or a Cæsar: let them bours, proceed to open the premunire of the but change conditions, and the world's great thing, but, first, your reverence to the lord of lord' had been but the best wrestler on the the manor; a long life and a merry une to our green.
landlord Sir Jacob! huzza !
Mob. Huzza !
way, has had the impudence to raise it Sneak. How fares it, honest Crispin ? a penny,
Heel. Servant, Mr. Sneak. Let us now 'Mob? No Mug!.no Mug! open the premunire of the thing, which I shall do Heel. So, I thought I should crack Mr. Mug. briefly, with all the loquacity possible; that is, Come, proceed to the next, Simon. in a medium way; which, that we may the bet Snuf. The next upon the list is Peter Primter do it, let the secretary read the names of the mer the sahoolmaster. candidates, and what they say for themselves ; Heel. Ay, neighbours, and a sufficient man, and then we shall know what to say of them.- let me tell you. Master Primmer is the man for Master Snuffle, begin.
my money; a man of learning, that can lay down
the law; why, adzooks, he is wise enough to Snuf. • To the worthy inhabitants of the an
puzzle the parson ; and, then, how you have cient corporation of Garratt: Gentlemen, your heard him oration at the Adam and Eve of a votes and interest are humbly requested in fa- Saturday night, about Russia and Prussia. Ecod, pour of Timothy Goose, to succeed your late George Gage the excisenian is nothing at all to worthy mayor, Mr. Richard Dripping, in the said office, he being
4th Mob. A Primmer! Heel. This goose is but a kind of gosling, a Heel. Ah! if the folks above did but know sort of speaking scoundrel: who is he? him ! why, lads, he will make us all statesmen in
Snuf. A journeyman tailor from Putney. time.
Heel. A journeyman tailor! A rascal, has he 2d Mob. Indeed? the impudence to transpire to be mayor ? Heel. Why, he swears as how all the miscarD'ye consider, neighbours, the weight of this riages are owing to the great people's not learnoffice? Why, it is a burthen for the back of a ing to read. porter? and can you think that this cross-legged
3d Mob. Indeed ! cabbage-eating son of a cucumber, this whey Heel. For, says Peter, says he, if they would faced ainny, who is but the ninth part of a man, but once submit to be learned by me, there is has strength to support it?
no knowing to what a pitch the nation might 1st Mob. No Goose! no Goose !
rise. 2d Mob. A Goose !
1st Mob. Ay, I wish they would. Heel. Hold your tongue, and proceed to the Sneak. Crispin, what, is Peter Primmer, a
Heel. He is, Mr. Sneak. Snuf. · Your potes are desired for Mathew Sneak. Lord! I know him, mum! as well as Mug.'
my mother: why, I used to go to his lectures to 1st Mob. A Mug! a Muy!
Pewterer's-hall along with deputy Firkin. Heel. Oh, oh! what you are all ready to
Heel. Like enough. have a touch of the tankard? But fair and Sneak. Od's me, brother Bruin, can you tell soft, good neighbours : let us taste this Master what is become of my vife? Mug before we swallow him; and unless I am Bruin. She is gone off with the major. mistaken, you will find hiin a damned bitter Sneak. Maytap to take a walk in the garden; draught.
I will go and take a peep at what they are do1st Mob. A Mug! a Mug!
[Exit Sneak. 2d Mob. Hear him; hear master Heel-tap: Mob. (Without.] Huzza ! 1st Mob. A Mug! a Mug!
Heel. Gadso! the candidates are coming! Heel. Hark'ye, you fellow with your mouth Come, neighbours, range yourselves to the right full of Mug, let me ask you a question-bring and left, that you may be canvassed in order! him forward-Pray, is not this Mathew Mug a let us see who comes first, victoaller?
1st Mob. Master Mug. 3d Mob. I believe he may.
Heel. Now, neighbours, have a good caution, Heel. And lives at the sign of the Adam and that this Master Mug does not cajole you; he Eve?
is a damned palavering fellow. 3d Mob. I believe he
may. Heel. Now, answer upon your honour, and as
Enter MATTHEW MUG. you are a gentleman, what is the present price of a quart of home-brewed at the Adam and Mug. Gentlemen, I am the lowest of your Eve?
slaves : Mr. Heel-tap, have the honour of kissing sd Mub, I don't know. Heel, You lie, sirrah ; an't it a groat?
Heel. There ! did not I tell you ? Sd Mob. I believe it may.
Mug. Ah, my very good friend, I hope your Heel. Oh, may be so. Now, neighbours, father is well? here's a pretty rascal! this same Mug, because, 1st Mob. He is dead. d'ye see, state affairs would not go glibly with Mug. So he is. Mr. Grub, if my wishes preout laying a farthing a quart upon ale, this vail, your very good wife is in health? scoundrel, not contented to take things in a 2d Mob. Wife! I never was married.
Mug. No more you were. Well, neighbours, has not, like Wansworth, and Pulham, and Putand friends-Ah! what, honest Dick Bennett! ney, the glorious advantage of a port; but what
3d Mob. My name is Gregory Gubbins. Dature bas denied, industry may supply; cab
Mug You are right, it is so; and how fares bages, carrots, and colly-flowers, may be deemed, it with good Mr. Gubbins?
at present, your staple commodities; but why 3d Mob. Pretty tight, Mr. Mug.
should not your commerce be extended? Were Mug. I am exceedingly happy to hear it. 1, gentlemen, worthy to advise, I should recom4th Mob. Hark'ye, Master Mug?
mend the opening a new branch of trade ? sparaAlug: Your pleasure, my very dear friend? grass, gentlemen, the manufacturing of spara
4th Mob. Why as how and concerning our grass. Battersea, I own, gentlemen, bears at young one at hoine.
present the bell; but where lies the fault? In Mug. Right, she is a prodigious promising Ourselves, gentlemen: let us, gentlemen, but exgirl.
ert our natural strength, and I will take upon me 4th Mob. Girl! Zooks, why 'tis a boy! to say, that a hundred of grass from the corpo
Mug. True, a fine boy! I love and honour ration of Garratt will, in a short time, at the the child.
London market, be held at least as an equivalent 4th Mob. Nay,'tis none such a child; but you to a Battersea Bundle. promised to get un a place?
Mob, A Mug! A Mug ! Aug. A place! what place?
Heel. Damn the fellow, what a tongue he 4th Mob. Why, a gentleman's service, you has! I must step in, or he will carry the day. know.
Hark'ye, Master Mug? Mug. It is done; it is fixed; it is settled. Mug. Your pleasure, my very good friend? 4th Alob. And when is the lad to take on? Heel. No fiummering me: I tell thee, MaMug. He must go in a fortnight at farthest. thew, 'twon't do: why, as to this article of ale, 4th Mob. And is it a pretty goudish birth, here, how comes it about, that you have raised it Master Mug?
a penny a quart? Mug. The best in the world: head butler to Mug. A word in your ear, Crispin; you and Lady Barbara Bounce.
your friends shall have it at three-pence. 4th Mob. A lady!
Heel. Wbat, sirrah, do you offer a bribe? Mug. The wages are not much, but the vails d’ye dare to corrupt me, you scoundrel? are amazing
Mug. Gentlemen4th Mob. Barbara Bunch ?
Heel. Here, neighbours ! the fellow bas offerMug. Yes; she has routs on Tuesdays and ed to bate a penny a quart, if so be as how, I Sundays, and he gathers the tables; only he tinds would be consenting to impose upon you. candles, cards, coffee, and tea.
Mob. No Mug! No Mug! 4th Mob. Is Lady Barbara's work pretty tight? Mug. Neighbours, friends
Mug. As good as a sinccure; he only writes Mob. No Mug! cards to her company, and dresses his mistresse's Mug. I believe this is the first borough that hair.
ever was lost by the returning officer's retusivg 4th Mob. Hair! Zounds! Why, Jack was
(Erit Mug. bred to dressing of horses.
2d Mob. Let us go and pull down his sign. Mug. True; but he will be suffered to do Heel. Hold, hold, no riot: but, that we may that by deputy.
not give Mug time to pervert the votes, and car4th Mob. May be so.
ry the day, let us proceed to the election. Mug. It is so. Hark’ye, dear Heel-tap, who Mob. Agreed ! Agreed ! is this fellow! I should remember bis face.
(Eril HEEL. and Mob. Heel. And don't you? Mug. Not I, I protess.
Sir Jacob, Bruin, and Wife, come from the Heel. No!
balcony. Mug. No.
Heel. Well said, Master Mug! but come, Sir Jac. Well, son Bruin, how d'ye relish the time wears: have you any thing more to say to corporation of Garratt? the corporation?
Bruin. Why, lookye, Sir Jacob, my way is Mug. Gentlemen of the corporation of Gar- always to speak what I think : 1 don't approve
on't at all. Heel. Now ewig him; now mind him: mark Mrs. Bruin. No! how he hawls bis muscles about.
Sir Jac. And what's your objection? Mug. The honour I this day solicit, will be to Bruin Why, I was never over-fond of your me the most honourable honour that can be con- May games; besides, corporations are too seriferred; and should I succeed, you, gentlemen, ous things; they are edge-tools, Sir Jacob. may depend on my using my utmost endeavours Sir Jac. That they are frequently tools, I can to promote the good of the borough; for which readily grant: but I never heard much of their purpose, the encouragement of your trade and edge. manutactories will most principally tend. Gar Alrs. Bruin. Well, now, I protest I am pleasratt, it must be owned, is an inland town, and I ed with it mightily,