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Mrs. Sneak. I see, sir, you have a proper sense of my sufferings.

Maj. And would shed my best blood to relieve them.

Mrs. Sneak. Gallant gentleman!
Maj. The brave must favour the fair!
Mrs. Sneak. Intrepid major !
Maj. Divine Mrs. Sneak!

Mrs. Sneak. Obliging commander!
Maj. Might I be permitted the honour-
Mrs. Sneak. Sir

Maj. Just to ravish a kiss from your hand! Mrs. Sneak. You have a right to all we can grant.

Maj. Courteous, condescending, complying

Sir Jac. I am glad to see you, son Steak. But where is your brother Bruin and his wife? Sneak, He will be here anon, father Sir Ja--Hum-ha! cob; he did but just step into the alley, to gather how tickets were sold.

Sir Jac. Very well, son Sneak. [Exit SNEAK. Mrs. Sneak. Son! yes, and a pretty son you have provided.

Sir Jac. I hope all for the best: why, what terrible work there would have been, had you married such a one as your sister! one house could never have contained you-Now, I thought this meek mate

monster.

Mrs. Sneak. Meek! a mushroom, a milksop! Sir Jac. Look ye, Molly, I have married you to a man; take care you don't make him a [Exit SIR JACOB. Mrs. Sneak. Monster! Why, major, the fellow has no more heart than a mouse. Had my kind stars, indeed, allotted me a military man, I should doubtless have deported myself in a beseemingly manner.

Maj. Unquestionably, madam.

Mrs. Sneak. Nor would the major have found, had it been my fortune to intermarry with him, that Molly Jollup would have dis

honoured his cloth.

Maj. I should have been too happy.

Mrs. Sneak. Indeed, sir, I reverence the army: they are all so brave, so polite, so every thing a woman can wish

Maj. Oh! Madam

Mrs. Sneak. So elegant, so genteel, so obliging: and then the rank! why, who would dare to affront the wife of a major?

Maj. No man with impunity; that I take the freedom to say, madam.

Mrs. Sneak. I know it, good sir. Oh! I am no stranger to what I have missed.

Maj. Oh, madam!-Let me die but she has infinite merit. [Aside. Mrs. Sneak. Then to be joined to a sneaking, slovenly cit; a paltry, prying, pitiful pinmaker!

Maj. Melancholy!

Mrs. Sneak. To be jostled and crammed with the crowd; no respect, no place, no precedence; to be choaked with the smoke of the city; no country jaunts but to Islington; no balls but at Pewterer's-hall!

Maj. Intolerable!

Enter SNEAK.

Sneak. Chuck, my brother and sister Bruin, are just turning the corner; the Clapham stage was quite full, and so they came by water,

Mrs. Sneak. I wish they had all been soused in the Thames-A prying, impertinent puppy! Maj. Next time I will clap a centinel to secure the door,

Mrs. Sneak. Major Sturgeon, permit me to withdraw for a moment; my dress demands a little repair.

Maj. Your ladyship's most entirely devoted— Mrs. Sneak. Ladyship! he is the very Broglio and Belleisle of the army!

Sneak. Shall I wait upon you, dove?

Mrs. Sneak No, dolt! what, would you leave the major alone? is that your manners, you mongrel?

Maj. Oh, madam, I can never be alone; your sweet idea will be my constant companion. Mrs. Sneak. Mark that! I am sorry, sir, I am obligated to leave you.

Maj. Madam.

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Mrs. Sneak. But as soon as my dress is re-
stored, I shall fly to relieve your distress.
Maj. For that moment I shall wait with the
greatest impatience.

Mrs. Sneak. Courteous commander!
Maj. Parragon of women!

Mrs. Sneak, Adieu!
Maj. Adieu!

[Erit MRS. SNEAK. Sneak. Notwithstanding, sir, all my chicken has said, I am special company when she is not by.

Maj. I doubt not, Mr. Sneak.

Sneak. If you would but come one Thursday night to our club, at the Nagg's-Head in the Poultry, you would meet some roaring, rare boys, i'faith! There's Jemmy Perkins the packer, little Tom Simkins the grocer, honest master Muzzle the midwife

Maj. A goodly company!

Sneak. Ay; and then sometimes we have the Choice Spirits from Comus's Court, and we crack jokes, and are so jolly and funny! I have

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Mrs. Bruin. And, pray, who is more fitterer to be trusted?

Bruin. Hey-day! Why, the wer.ch is bewitched! Come, come, let us have none of your palaver here-Take twelve-pence and pay the waterman. But, first see if he has broke mone of the pipes-And, d'ye hear, Jane, be sure lay the fishing-rod safe. [Exit MRS. BRUIN. Sneak. Od's me, how finely she's managed! What would I give to have my wife as much under!

Bruin. It is your own fault, brother Sneak.
Sneuk. D'ye think so? She is a sweet pretty

Sneak. Yes, werry like Wenus--Mayhap you creature. have known her some time?

Maj. Long.

Sneak. Belike before she was married?
Maj. I did, Master Sneak.

Sneak. Ay, when she was a wirgin. I thought you was an old acquaintance by your kissing her hand; for we ben't quite so familiar as thatBut, then, indeed, we han't been married a year.

Maj. The mere honey-moon.

Sneuk. Ay, ay, I suppose we shall come to it by degrees.

Bruin. [Within.] Come along, Jane; why, you are as pursy and lazy, you jade

Enter BRUIN and Wife; BRUIN with a cotton cap on; his wife with his wig, great coat, and fishing-rod.

Bruin. Come, Jane, give me my wig; you slut, how you have touzled the curls! Master Sneak, a good morning to you. Sir, I am your humble servant unknown.

Enter ROGER.

Rog. Mrs. Sneak begs to speak with the major.

Maj. I will wait on the lady immediately. Sneak. Don't tarry an instant; you can't think how impatient she is. [Erit MAJOR.] A good morrow to you, brother Bruin; you have had a warm walk across the fields.

Bruin. A vixen.

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Bruin. By the lord Harry, she richly deserves

Sneak. Will you, brother, lend me a lift?
Bruin. Command me at all times.
Sneak. Why, then, I will verily pluck up a

Mrs. Bruin. Good lord, I am all in a muck-spirit; and the first time she offers to-Bruin. And who may you thank for it, hussy? If you had got up time enough, you might have secured the stage; but you are a lazy lie-abed

Mrs. Bruin. There's Mr. Sneak keeps my sister a chay.

Bruin. And so he may; but I know better what to do with my money: Indeed if the war had but continued awhile, I don't know what. mought ha' been done; but this plaguy peace, with a pox to it, has knocked up all the trade of the Alley.

Mrs. Bruin. For the matter of that; we can afford it well enough as it is.

Bruin. And how do you know that? Who told you as much, Mrs. Mixen? I hope I know the world better than to trust my concerns with a wife: no, no; thank you for that, Mrs. Jane.

Mrs. Sneak. [Within.] Jerry, Jerry Sneak! Sneak. Gad's my life, sure as a gun that's her voice! Look ye, brother, I don't choose to breed a disturbance in another body's house! but as soon as ever I get home——

Bruin. Now is your time.

Sneak. No, no; it would not be decent.
Mrs. Sneak. [Within.] Jerry, Jerry!
Sneak. I come, lovy! But you will be sure to
stand by me?

Bruin. Trot, nincompoop.

Sneak. Well, if I dont-I wish

Mrs. Sneak. [Within.] Where is this lazy puppy a-loitering?

Sneak. I come, chuck, as fast as I can-Good lord, what a sad life do Í lead! [Exit. Bruin. Ex quovis linguo: who can make a silk purse of a sow's ear? Y

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Rog. Crispin Heel-tap, with the electors, are set out from the Adam and Eve.

Sir Jac. Gad so, then they will soon be upon us: Come, good folks, the balcony will give us the best view of the whole. Major, you will take the ladies under protection?

Maj. Sir Jacob, I am upon guard.

Sir Jac. I can tell you, this Heel-tap is an arch rascal

Sneak, And plays the best game at cribbage in the whole corporation of Garratt.

Mrs. Sneak. That puppy will always be a chattering.

Sneak. Nay, I did but

Mrs. Sneak. Hold your tongue, or I'll send you home in an instant

Sir Jac. Pr'ythee, daughter! You may to-day, major, meet with something that will put you in mind of more important transactions.

Maj. Perhaps so.

Sir Jac. Lack-a-day, all men are alike; their principles exactly the same: for though art and education may disguise or polish the manner, the same motives and springs are universally planted.

Maj. Indeed.

Sir Jac. Why, in this mob, this group of plebeians, you will meet with materials to make a Syla, a Cicero, a Solon, or a Cæsar: let them but change conditions, and the world's great lord had been but the best wrestler on the green.

Maj. Ay, ay; I could have told these things formerly; but since I have been in the army, I. have entirely neglected the classes.

Mob. [Without.] Huzza!

Sir Jac. But the heroes are at hand, major, Sneak. Father Sir Jacob, might we not have a tankard of stingo above?

Sir Jac. By all means.
Sneak. D'ye hear, Roger?

[Exeunt into the balcony,

SCENE II-A Street.

Enter MOB, with HEEL-TAP at their head; some crying a Goose! others, A Mug! others, A Primmer!

Heel. Silence there-Silence!

1st Mob. Hear neighbour Heel-tap! 2d Mob. Ay, ay, hear Crispin.

3d Mob. Ay, ay, hear him, hear Crispin: he will put us into the model of the thing at once. Heel. Why, then, silence, 1 say!

All. Silence!

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Mob. Huzza!

Sneak. How fares it, honest Crispin? Heel. Servant, Mr. Sneak. Let us now open the premunire of the thing, which I shall do briefly, with all the loquacity possible; that is, in a medium way; which, that we may the better do it, let the secretary read the names of the candidates, and what they say for themselves; and then we shall know what to say of them. Master Snuffle, begin.

Snuf. To the worthy inhabitants of the an cient corporation of Garratt: Gentlemen, your votes and interest are humbly requested in favour of Timothy Goose, to succeed your late worthy mayor, Mr. Richard Dripping, in the said office, he being

Heel. This goose is but a kind of gosling, a sort of sneaking scoundrel: who is he?

Snuf. A journeyman tailor from Putney. Heel. A journeyman tailor! A rascal, has he the impudence to transpire to be mayor? D'ye consider, neighbours, the weight of this office? Why, it is a burthen for the back of a porter? and can you think that this cross-legged cabbage-eating son of a cucumber, this wheyfaced ninny, who is but the ninth part of a man, has strength to support it?

1st Mob. No Goose! no Goose!
2d Mob. A Goose!

Heel. Hold your tongue, and proceed to the

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3d Mob. I believe he may.

medium way, has had the impudence to raise it a penny.

Mob. No Mug! no Mug!

Heel. So, I thought I should crack Mr. Mug. Come, proceed to the next, Simon.

Snuf. The next upon the list is Peter Primmer the sahoolmaster.

Heel. Ay, neighbours, and a sufficient man, let me tell you. Master Primmer is the man for my money; a man of learning, that can lay down the law; why, adzooks, he is wise enough to heard him oration at the Adam and Eve of a puzzle the parson; and, then, how you have Saturday night, about Russia and Prussia. Ecod, George Gage the exciseman is nothing at all to

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Sneak. Od's me, brother Bruin, can you tell what is become of my vife?

Bruin. She is gone off with the major. Sneak. Mayhap to take a walk in the garden; I will go and take a peep at what they are doing. [Exit SNEAK.

Mob. [Without.] Huzza!

Heel. Gadso! the candidates are coming! Come, neighbours, range yourselves to the right and left, that you may be canvassed in order! let us see who comes first.

1st Mob. Master Mug.

Heel. Now, neighbours, have a good caution, Heel. And lives at the sign of the Adam and that this Master Mug does not cajole you; he Eve?

3d Mob. I believe he may.

Heel. Now, answer upon your honour, and as you are a gentleman, what is the present price of a quart of home-brewed at the Adam and Eve?

Sd Mob, I don't know.

Heel, You lie, sirrah; an't it a groat? Sd Mob. I believe it may. Heel. Oh, may be so. Now, neighbours, here's a pretty rascal! this same Mug, because, d'ye see, state affairs would not go glibly without laying a farthing a quart upon ale, this scoundrel, not contented to take things in a

is a damned palavering fellow.

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Mag. No more you were. Well, neighbours and friends-Ah! what, honest Dick Bennett! 3d Mob. My name is Gregory Gubbins. Mug You are right, it is so; and how fares it with good Mr. Gubbins?

3d Mob. Pretty tight, Mr. Mug. Mug. I am exceedingly happy to hear it. 4th Mob. Hark'ye, Master Mug? Mug. Your pleasure, my very dear friend? 4th Mob. Why as how and concerning our young one at home.

Mug. Right, she is a prodigious promising girl.

4th Mob. Girl! Zooks, why 'tis a boy!
Mug. True, a fine boy! I love and honour

the child.

4th Mob. Nay, 'tis none such a child; but you promised to get un a place?

Mug. A place! what place?

4th Mob. Why, a gentleman's service, you know.

Mug. It is done; it is fixed; it is settled. 4th Mob. And when is the lad to take on? Mug. He must go in a fortnight at farthest. 4th Mob. And is it a pretty goodish birth, Master Mug?

Mug. The best in the world: head butler to Lady Barbara Bounce.

4th Mob. A lady!

has not, like Wansworth, and Fulham, and Putney, the glorious advantage of a port; but what nature has denied, industry may supply; cabbages, carrots, and colly-flowers, may be deemed, at present, your staple commodities; but why should not your cominerce be extended? Were I, gentlemen, worthy to advise, I should recommend the opening a new branch of trade? sparagrass, gentlemen, the manufacturing of sparagrass. Battersea, I own, gentlemen, bears at present the bell; but where lies the fault? In ourselves, gentlemen: let us, gentlemen, but exert our natural strength, and I will take upon me to say, that a hundred of grass from the corporation of Garratt will, in a short time, at the London market, be held at least as an equivalent to a Battersea Bundle.

Mob, A Mug! A Mug!

Heel. Damn the fellow, what a tongue he has! I must step in, or he will carry the day. Hark'ye, Master Mug?

Mug. Your pleasure, my very good friend?

Heel. No flummering me: I tell thee, Mathew, 'twon't do: why, as to this article of ale, here, how comes it about, that you have raised it a penny a quart?

Mug. A word in your ear, Crispin; you and your friends shall have it at three-pence.

Heel. What, sirrah, do you offer a bribe?

Mug. The wages are not much, but the vails d'ye dare to corrupt me, you scoundrel? are amazing.

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Mug. Gentlemen

Heel. Here, neighbours! the fellow has offered to bate a penny a quart, if so be as how, I would be consenting to impose upon you. Mob. No Mug! No Mug! Mug. Neighbours, friendsMob. No Mug!

Mug. I believe this is the first borough that ever was lost by the returning officer's refusing a bribe. [Exit MUG.

2d Mob. Let us go and pull down his sign. Heel. Hold, hold, no riot: but, that we may not give Mug time to pervert the votes, and carry the day, let us proceed to the election. Mob. Agreed! Agreed!

[Exil HEEL. and Moв.

SIR JACOB, BRUIN, and WIFE, come from the balcony.

Sir Jac. Well, son Bruin, how d'ye relish the corporation of Garratt?

Bruin. Why, lookye, Sir Jacob, my way is always to speak what I think: I don't approve

on't at all.

Mrs. Bruin. No!

Sir Jac. And what's your objection?

Bruin Why, I was never over-fond of your May games; besides, corporations are too serious things; they are edge-tools, Sir Jacob.

Mug. The honour I this day solicit, will be to me the most honourable honour that can be conferred; and should I succeed, you, gentlemen, may depend on my using my utmost endeavours to promote the good of the borough; for which purpose, the encouragement of your trade and manufactories will most principally tend. Gar- Mrs. Bruin. Well, now, I protest I am pleasratt, it must be owned, is an inland town, and led with it mightily.

Sir Jac. That they are frequently tools, I can readily grant: but I never heard much of their edge.

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