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my tale,



Har. Adroit ! you shall judge. I will tell Mrs. Mech. Have you thought of nothing for you a case; You know the large brick-house at yourself? Peckhamn, with a turrett at top?

Young Lore. I am resolved to be guided by Young Love. Well.

you. Har. There lived Miss Cicely Mite, the only Mrs. Mech. What do you think of a wife? daughter of old Mite, the cheesemonger, at the Young Lore. A wife ! corner of Newgate-street,just turned of fourteen, Mrs. Mech. Come, come, don't despise my and under the wing of an old naiden aunt, as advice: when a young man's finances are low, a watchful as a dragon--but hush

--I here wife is a much better resource than a usurer ; Mrs. Mechlin; I'll take another season to finish and there are, in this town, a number of kind

hearted widows, that take a pleasure in repairing Young Love. But, Mr. Harpy, as these kind the injuries done by Fortune to handsome young of women are a good deal given to gossipping, fellows. I would rather my real name was a secret, till Har. Mrs. Mechlin has reason. there is a sort of necessity.

Young Love. But, dear ma'am, what can I do Har. Gossipping! She, Lord help you! she with a wife? is close as a Catholic confessor.

Mrs. Mech. Do !Why, like other young Young Love. That may be; but you must fellows who marry ladies a little stricken in give me leave to insist.

years; make her your banker and steward. If Hur. Well, well; as you please.

you say but the word, before night, I'll give you

a widow with two thousand a-year in her pocket. Enter Mrs. Mechlin.

Young Love. Two thousand a-year ! a pretty Your very bumble servant, good madam Mech- employment, if the residence could but be disa lin; I have taken the liberty to introduce a young pensed with. gentleman, a friend of mine, to crave your assist

Mrs. Mech. What do you mean by residence?

Do you think a gentleman, like a pitiful trader, Mrs. Mech. Any friend of yours, Mr. Harpy; is to be eternally tacked to his wiie's petticoat? -won't you be seated, sir?

When she is in town, be you in the country; as Young Love. Ma'am! [They sit down. she shifts, do you shift. Why, you need not be Mrs. Mech. And pray, sir, low can I serve with her above thirty days in the year; and, let

me tell you, you wont find a more easy condiHar. Why, ma'am, the gentleman's situation tion; twelve months subsistence for one month's is-But, sir, you had better state your case labour! to Mrs. Mechlin yourself.

Young Love. Two thousand a.year! you are Young Love. Why, you are to know, that I am sure ? just escaped from the university, where (I need

Mrs. Mech. The least penny. not tell you) you are greatly esteemed.

Young Love. Well, madaın, you shall dispose Mrs. Méch. Very obliging! Imust own, sir, of ine just as you please. I have had a very great respect for that learned Mrs. Mech. Very well; if you'll call in half body, ever since they made a near and dear an hour at farthest, I believe we shall finish the friend of mine a doctor of music.

business. Young Love. Yes, ma'am, I remember the Young Love. In half an hour? gentleman.

Mrs. Mech. Precisely. Oh! dispatch is the Mrs. Mech. Do you know him, sir? I expect very life and soul of my trade. Mr. Harpy will him here every ininute to instruct a lodger of tell you my terms: You will find them reasonmine.

able enough. Young Love. Not intimately. Just arrived ; Har. Ol! I am sure we shall have no dispute but last night; upon my coming to town, I found about those, my father deceased, and all his fortune devised Young Love. No, no !

[Going. to his relict, my mother.

Mrs. Mech. Oh, but Mr. Harpy ! it may be Mrs. Mech. What the whole?

proper to mention, that the gentlewoman, the Young Love. Every shilling. That is, for her party, is upwards of sixty: life.

Young Love. With all my heart? it is the Mrs. Mech. And to what sum may it amount? purse, not the person, I want. Sixty! she is

Young Love. My mother is eternally telling quite a girl. I wish with all my soul she was me, that after her, 1 shall inherit tfty or sixty ninety? thousand at least !

Mrs. Mech. Get you gone; you are a devil! Mrs. Mech. Upon my word a capital sum!

I see that. Young Lore. But of what use, my dear Mrs. Young Lore. Well? for half an hour! sweet Mechlin, since she refuses to advance me a gui- Mrs. Mechlio, adieu ! Dea upon the credit of it; and while the grass

[Exeunt Young Loveit and Happy. grows--you know the proverb

Mrs. Mech. Soh! I have provided for my Mrs. Mech. What, I suppose you want some dowager from Devonshire-square: and now to thing for present subsistence?

cater for my commissary. Here he comes. Young Love. Just




we do.

Enter Fungus and Bridoux.

2. Fun. Never fear, I shan't be sparing of

But come, come, let us go to our business 2. Fun. So, in six weeks-Oh, Mrs. Mech -John, have the carpenters brought home lin, any news from the lady?

niy new horse? Mrs. Afech. I expect her here every moment.

Enter Join. She is conscious, that in this step she descends from her dignity; but, being desirous

John. It is here, sir, upon the top of the stairs. you from the fury of her noble relations, she is 2. Fun. Then fetch it, in an instant. [Erit determined to let them see, that the act and deed John.] what a deal of time and trouble there is entirely her own.

goes, Mr. Bridoun, to the making a gentleman! 2. Fun. Very kind, very obliging, indeed !| And do your gentlemen-born now (for I reckon But, Mrs. Mechlin, as the family is so furious, you have had of all sorts) take as much pains as I reckon we shall never be reconciled ?

Mrs. Mech. I don't know that. When you Brid. To be sure; but they beyin at an earbave bought commissions for her three younger


age. brothers, discharged the mortgage on the pa 2. Fun. There is something in that ; I did not ternal estate, and portioned of eight or nine of know but they might be apter, more cuterer, her sisters, it is not impossible but my lord may now, in catching their larning be prevailed on to suffer your name

Brid. Dispositions do certainly differ. 2. Fun. Do you think so ?

2. Fun. Ay, ay! something in nater, I warMirs. Mech. But then a work of time, Mr. rant; as they say the children of Blackamoors l'ungus.

will swim as soon as they come into the world. 2. Fun. Ay, ay! I know very well, things of

Enter Sercants with a wooden horse. that kind are not brought about in a hurry.

Mrs. Mlech. But I must prepare matters for Oh, bere he is. Ods me! It is a stately fine the lady's reccption.

beast. 2. Fun. By all means. The jewels are sent Brid. Here, my lads, place it here-l'ery to her ladyslip?

well. Where's your switch, Mr. Fungus? Mrs. Mech. To be sure.

2. Fun. I have it. 2. Fun. And the ring for her ladyship, and Brid. Now, let me see you vault nimbly into her ladyship’s licence?

your seat. Zounds! you are got on the wrong Mrs. Mech. Ay, ay, and her ladyship's parson side, Mr. Fungus. too; all are prepared:

2. Fun. I am so indeed! but we'll soon rectify 2. Fun. Parson ! why, won't her ladyship that. Now we are right; may I have leave to please to be married at Powl's ?

lay hold of the mane? Alrs. Mech. Lord! Mr. Fungus, do you think Brid. If you can't mount him without. a lady of her rank and condition would beario 3. Fun. I will try; but this steed is so devilbe seen in public at once with a person like you? ish tall-Mr. Bridoun, you don't think he'll 2. Fun. That's true, I

throit me? Mrs. Blech. No, no! I have sent to Dr. Brid. Never fear. Tiekletext, and the business will be done in the 2. Fun. Well, if he should he can't kick; parlour below.

that's one comfort, however. 2. Fun. As you and her ladyship pleases, Brid. Now, mind your position. good Mrs. Mechlin.

2. Fun. Stay till I recover my wind. Mrs. Mech. You will get dressed as soon as Brid. Let your head be erect.

2. Fun. There! 2. Fun. I shall only take a short lesson from Bid. And your shoulders fall easily back. Mr. Bridoun, and then wait her ladyship’s plea 2. F'un. Ilo!

-There. sure.--Mrs. Mechlin, may my brother be by? Brid. Your switch perpendicular in your right

A1rs. Mech. Ay, ay ! provided his being so is hand-your right that is it: your left to the kept a secret from her.

bridle. 2. Fun. Never fear. [Exit Mrs. Mechlin.] Fun. There.

-Well, Mr. Bridoun, and you think I am Brid. Your knecs in, and toes out. mended a little?

Fun. There. Brid. A great deal.

Brid. Are you ready? 2. Fun. And that in a month or six weeks, I Fun. When


will. may be able to prance upon a long-tailed horse

Brid. Oif you go. in Ilyde park, without any danger of falling ? Fun. Don't let hiin gallop at first, Brid. Without doubt.

Brid. Very well : preserve your positiou. 2. Fun. It will be vast pleasant, in the heat Fun. I warrant. of the day, to canter along the king's-road, side Brid. Does he carry you easy? by side with the ladies, in the thick of the dust; Fun. All the world like a cradle. But, Jir. but thut I must not hope for this summer. Bridoun, I go at a wonderful rate.

Brid. I don't know ihat, if you'll follow it Brid. Mind your knees. close.

2. Fun. Ay, ay; I can't think but this here

you can.


you lend

horse stands still very near as fast as another Mrs. Mech. I look for him every minute: if can callop.

you will but step into the drawing-room--I have Brill. Vind rour toes.

given him such a picture, that I am sure he is Fun. Ilo! stop the horse! Zounds! I'ın out full as impatient as you. of the stirrups, I can't sit bim no longer; there Mrs. Love. My dear woman, you are so kind

(Falls off. and obliging! But, Mrs. Jechlin, how do I look? Brid. I hope you ar'n't hurt?

Don't Matter me; do you think my figure will Fun. My left hip has a little confusion. Strike him?

Brid. A trifle, quite an accident; it might Mrs. Mech. Or he must be blind. happen to the very best rider in England. Mrs. Lore. You may just hint black don't beFun. Indeed !

come me; that I am a little pale of late; the Brid. We have such things happen every day loss of a husband one loves, will cause an alteraat the manage; but you are vastiy improved. tion, you know.

Fun. Why, I am grown bolder a little: and, Mrs. Jech. True; oh, he will make an allowMr. Bridoun, when do you think I may venture ance for that. to ride a live horse?

Mrs. Love. But things will come round in a Brid. The very instant you are able to keep trice.

(Evil. your seat on a dead one.

Enter SIMON.
Enter Mrs. Mechlin.

Sim. Madam, Miss Doliy is dizened out, and NIrs. Mech. Bless me, Mr. Fungus, how you


thing ready. are trisling your time! I expect lady Sacharissa

Niis. Mech. Let her wait for the commissary every moment, and see what a trim you are in! here; I will introduce him the instant he is Fun. I beg pardon, good madam, Mechlin.-dressed.

[Erit. I'll be equirted in a couple of minutes; where

Sim. Miss Dolly, you may come in; your aunt

will be here in an instant. will her ladyship please to receive me? Mrs. Mech. In this room, to be sure! come,

Enter Dolly and Jenny. stir, stir! Fun. I have had a little fall from my horse

Dol. Hush, Simon, hush! to your post. I'll go as fast as I-Mr. Bridoun, will

Sim. I am gone

Erit. me a lift? [Ereunt Fungus and BRIDOUN. Dol. Well, Jenny, and have I the true quali

Irs. Mech. There-Jenny, show Mrs. Loveit ty-air? in here Who's there?

Jen. As perfectly, madam, as if you had been

bred to the business; and for figure, I defy the Enter Scevants.

first of them all. For my part, I think Mr. Fune Pray, move that piece of lumber out of the way. gus very well off; when the secret comes out, Come, come, make haste! Madam, if you'll step I don't see what right he has to be angry. in here for a moment.

Dol. Oh, when once he is noosed, let hiin

strurgle as much as he will, the cord will be Enter Mrs. LOVEIT.

drawn only the tighter. Mrs. Lore. So, so, Mrs. Mechlin; well, you Jen. Ay, ay, we may trust to your managesee I am true to my time; add how have you ment. I hope, miss, I shall have the honour to throve, my good woman?

follow your fortunes? There will be no bearing Mrs. Afech. Beyond expectation.

this house when once you have left it. Nírs. Love. Indeed! And have you provided Dol. No, Jenny, it would be barbarous to a party!

rob my aunt of so useful a second; besides, for Mrs. Mech. Ay, and such a party, you might mistress and maid, we rather know one another search the town round before you could meet

a little too well. with his fellow: he'll suit you in every respect.

Jen. Indeed! But here comes Mr. Fungus— Mrs Love. As how, as how, my dear woman? remember distance and dignity.

Mrs. Mech. A gentleman, by birth and by Dol. I warrant you, wench. breeding; none of your little whipper snapper Jen. So, I see what I have to hope. Our Jacks, but a countenance as comely, and a pre-young filly seems to be secure of her match: but sence as portly ?--he has one fault, indeed, if you I nay jostle her the wrong side of the post; we can but overlook that.

will have a trial, however: but I must see and Mrs. Love. What is it?

find out the brother.

[ Aside and Erit. Mrs Mech. His age. Mrs. Love, Age ! how, how?

Enter Z, Fungus and Mrs. MECHLIN. Mrs. Mech. Why, he is rather under your Fun. Yes, scarlet is vastly becoming, and mark, I am afraid; not above twenty at most.

takes very much with the ladies; quite proper, Mrs. Love. Well, well, so he answers in every too, as I have been in the army. thing else, we must overlook that; for, Mrs. Mrs. Mech. Stay where you are till you are Mechlin, there is no expecting perfection below. announced to the lady-Mr. Fungus begs leave Mrs. Mech. True, madam.

to throw himself at your ladyship's feet. Mrs. Love. And where is he?

Dol. The mon may draw nigh.

Mrs. Mech. Approach.

Dol. You ha'? that's right. Fun. 1, 2, 3, Åh! Will that do?

Fun. One of the most pleasantest places that Mrs. Mech. Pretty well.

can be again. Fun. May I begin to make love?

Dol. Ha' you a good prospect? Mrs. Mech. When you will.

Fun. Twenty stage-coaches drive every day by Fun. Now stand my friend, Mr. Gruel. But the door, besides carts and gentlemen's carriages. she has such a deal of dignity that she dashes me Dol, Ah, that willquite.

Mrs. Mech. Oh, your ladyship will find all Mrs. Mech. Courage.

things prepared: in ihe next room the attorney Fun. Here, hold the paper to prompt me, in waits with the writings. case I should stumble.Madam, or, may it Fun. The honour of your ladyship's handplease your ladyship, when I preponderate the Dol. Maister Fungus, you're a little too hasty. grandeur of your high ginnyaligy, and the mer

Erit. cantile meanness of my dingy descent; when I Mrs. Mech. Not till after the nuptials; you consider that your ancestors, like Admiral An- must not expect to be too familiar at first. son, sailed all round the world in the ark; and Fun. Pray, when do you think we shall bring that it is a matter of doubt whether I ever had about the bedding? any forefathers or no; I totter, I tremble, at the Mrs. Mech. About the latter end of the year, thoughts of my towering ambition-Ah-a, is when the winter sets in. not Phaeton next?

Kun. Not before?
Mrs. Mech. Hey! [Looking at the paper.]-
No. Luna.

Enter Young Loveit, hastily. Fun. Right-ambition-dignity how debased, Young Love. I hope, Madam Mechlin, I have distance how great! it is as if the link should not exceeded my hour; but I expected Mr. Hardemand an alliance with Luna, or the bushypy would call. bramble court the boughs of the stately Scotch Mrs. Mech. He is in the next room with a fir; it is as if What's the next?

lady. Oh, Mr. Fungus, this gentleman is ambiMrs. Mech. Next—hey !I have lost the place, tious of obtaining the nuptial benediction from I am afraid -Come, come, enough has been the same bands after you. said ; you have showed the sense you entertain Fun. He's beartily welcome : What, and is his of the honour. Upon these occasions, a third woman of quality, loo? person is fittest to cut matters short. Your lady Mrs. Mech. No, 10 ; 'a cit; but monstrously ship hears that

rich. But your lady will wonderDol. Yes, yes, I ken weel enough what the Fun. Ay, ay: but you'll follow? for I shan't mon would be at. Mrs. Mechlin has speared know what to say to her when we are alone. sike things in your great commendations, Mr.

[Erit. Fungus, that I cannot but say I cliked a fancy to Mrs. Mech. I will send you, sir, your spouse in you from the very beginning.

an instant: the gentlewoman is a widow; so you Fun. Much obliged to Mrs. Mechlin, indeed, may throw in what raptures you please. please your ladyship

Young Love. Never fear! [Erit Mrs. MECHDol. You ken I am of as auncient a family as LIN. And yet this scene is so new, how to acany North Britain can boast?

quit iyself-let me recollect—some piece of a Fun. I know it full well, please your ladyship. play now— Vouchsafe, divine perfection ! No,

Dol. And that I shall get the ill-wull of a' my that won't do for a dowager; it is too humble kin by this match?

and whining. But, see, the door opeus, so I have Fun. I am sorry for that, please your ladyship. no time for rehearsal -I have it-Clasped in

Dol. But, after the ceremony, it will be proper the the folds of love, I'll meet my doom, and act to withdraw from town for a short space of time. my

Fun, Please your ladyship, wbat your ladyship pleases.

Enter Mrs. Lovert. Dol. In order to gi' that gossip Scandal just Mrs. Love. Ha! time to tire her tongue.

Young Love. By all that's monstrous, my mo-, Fun. True, your ladyship,

ther! Dol. I mun expect that the folk will mak free Mrs. Love. That rebel my son, as I live! wi'my character in choosing sike a consort as you Young Love. The quotation was quite apro

Fun. And with me, too, please your ladyship. pos! Had it been a little darker, I might have Dol. Wi' you, mon !

revived the story of Edipus. Mrs. Mech. Hold your tongue!

Mrs. Love. So, sirrah, what makes you

from Dol. Donna you think the honour will dra your studies? mickle envy upon you?

Young Love. A small hint I received of your Fun. Oh, to be sure, please your ladysbip. 1 inclinations brought me here, madam, in order did not mean that,

to prevent, if possible, my father's fortune from Dol. Weel, I say, we'll gang into the country: going out of the family,

Fun. As soon as your ladyship pleases; I Mrs. Love. Your father! how dare you disturb have a sweet house, hard by Reading.

his dear ashes ? you know well enough how his

to me.

dear memory melts me; and that at his very, sir, are one party, I reckon : but where is the name my heart is ready to break !

Ah, Dolly! what, are you here, my dear?
Young Love. Well said, my old matron of Dol. Sob!

[Aside. Fun. Dolly! Who the devil can this be? Mrs. Love. That is what you want, you disobe Dr. Cat. As nice and as spruce, too! the dient, unnatural monster ! but complete, accom- bridemaid, 1 warrant: why, you look as bloomplish your cruelty; send me the same road your ing, you slut! villanies torced your father to take! (Cries.

Fin. What can this be! Hark ye, sir !

Dr. Cat. Well, sir.
Enter Mrs. Mecilin.

Fun. Don't you think you are rather too faMirs. Mech. Hey-day! What the deuce have miliar with a lady of her rank and condition? we here? our old lady in tears !

Dr. Cat, Rank' and condition ! what, Dolly? Mrs. Love. Disappointed a little ; that's all. Fun. Dolly! what a plague possesses the man? Mrs. Mech. Pray, madam, what can occasion, this is no Dolly, I tell you. Mrs. Love. Lord bless me, Mrs. Mechlin, what

Dr. Cat. No! a blunder you have made !

Fun. No, this is Lady Scracarissa MackirkinMrs. Mech. A blunder! as how?

croft. Mrs. Love. Do you know who you have

Dr. Cat. Who ! brought me?

Fun. Descended from the old, old, old Earl Mrs. Mech. Not perfectly.

of Glendowery. Mrs. Love. My own son! that's all.

Dr. Cat. What, she? Dolly Mechlin ? Mrs. Mech. Your son !

Fun. Dolly devil ! the man's out of his wits, I Mrs. Love. Ay, that rebellious, unnatural

believe! Mrs. Mech. Blunder, indeed! But who could have thought it! why, by your account, ma'am,

Enter Mrs. MECILIN. I imagined your son was a child scarce out of Oh, Mrs. Mechlin, will you set this matter to his frocks.

rights? Mrs. Love. Here's company coming, so my

Mrs. Mech. How ! Dr. Catgut? reputation will be blasted for ever.

Fun. The strangest fellow here has danced up Mrs. Mech. Never fear; leave the care on't stairs, and has Dolly, Dolly, Dollyed my lady

who the plagne can he be?

Dr. Cat.Oh, apropos, Molly Mechlin ! what, Enter Fungus and DOLLY.

is this the man that is to be married? The marFun. What is the matter? You make such riage will never bold good; why he is more frana noise, there is no such thing as minding the tic and madderwritings.

Fun. Mad! John, fetch me the foils; I'll carte Mrs. Mech. This worthy lady, an old friend of and tierce you, you scoundrel ! mine, not having set eyes on her son since the

Enter Isaac Fungus and JENNY. death of his father, and being apprised by me that here she might meet with him, came with a

1. Fun. Where's brother? it an't over? you true inaternal affection to give him a little whole- ben't married, I hope? some advice.

2. Fun. No, I believe not; why, what is the Mrs. Love. Well said, Mrs. Mechlin !

1. Fun. Pretty hands you are got into ! Your Mrs. Mech. Which the young man returned servant, good madam; what, this is the person, in a way so brutal and barbarous, that his poor I warrant? ay, bow pretty the puppet is painted ! mother

-Be comforted, ma'am; you had bet- Do you know who she is? ter repose on my bed.

2. Fun. Who she is ! without doubt. Mrs. Love. Any where, to get out of his sight.

I. Fun. No, you don't, brother Zac; only the Mrs. Mech. Here, Jenny!

spawn of that devil incarnate, dressed out as— Mrs. Love. Do you think you can procure me

2. Fun. But hark ye, Isaac ! are—don't be in another party?

a hurry are you sure Mrs. Mech. Never doubt it.

I. Fun. Sure—the girl of the house, abhorring Mrs. Love. Ugh! ugh! [Erit coughing. their scandalous project, bas freely confessed Mrs. Mech. Bear up a little, ma'am.

the whole scheine. Jenny, stand forth, and anFun. Fie upon you! you have thrown the old swer boldly to what I shall ask: is not this wench gentlewoman into the stericks,

the womau's niece of the house? Young Love. Sir?

Jen. I fancy she will hardly deny it. Fun. You a man! you are a scandal, a shame

I. Fun. And is not this niistress of yours a to your sect!

most profligate

Mrs. Mech. Come, come, Master Isaac, I will Enter Dr. CATGUT.

save you the trouble, and cut this matter short

in an instant. Well then, this girl, this Dolly, is Dr. Cat. Come, come, Mrs. Mechlin, are the my niece; and what then? couple prepared ? the fiddles are tuned, the bows 2. Fun. And an't


ashamed? ready rosined, and the whole band-Oh, you Young Love. She ashained! I would have

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