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practised by dulness, to conceal the lack of ideas, gested their cent. per cent. squeezings, and and the want of expresions.
prompted the various modes of extortion and raDevil. Partly that, I contess: not but there is pine: but, in his room, they have six or seven some truth in the case ; for at different times we dæmons apiece, to direct the dissipation of their have the power, and do assume the various ill-gotten wealth. forms, you assign us.
In. Indeed ! In. We? I observe you always make use of Devil. Poor Lucifer, it is all over with him! the plural; is that, sir, by way of distinction, or, if it were not for the fluctation of India, an ocis your family pretty large and extensive? casional lottery, or a contested election, the alley
Deril. Multitudinous, as the sands on the would be empty, and Lucifer have as little to do beach, or the mots in a sun-beam: how the deuce as a pick pocket when the playhouses are shut. else do you think we could do all the business In. Perhaps, sir, then your name may be Bel. below? Why, there's scarce an individual amongst zebub? you, at least of any rank or importance, but has Devil. He! worse and worse! not a devil, five or six of us in his train.
that has the least regard to his character, would In. Indeed!
choose to be seen in his company : besides it is Deril. A little before I got rammed in that the most petulant, waspish, quarrelsome curphial, I had been for some time on very hard but no wonder; he is the imp of chicane, and duty in this part of the world.
protects the rotten part of the law. In. Of what kind?
In. Then he, at least, bas employment Deril. The Dæmon of Power and I had long enough? laid siege to a subject, the man a grandee. I was Devil. Yes, during the term, he has a good then a popular spirit, and wore the mask of a deal to do: he is the parent of quibbles, the patriot; at different times, we possessed bim by guardian of pettifoggers, bad bail, and of baiinrns; but, in the midst of a violent struggle (by lilis; the supporter of alibi's, the source of sham which means I got lame on this leg, and obtained pleas, the maker and finder of flaws, the patron the nick-name of the Devil Upon Two Sticks), of perjury, and a sworn toe to all trials by jury! the Damon of Vanity, a low under-strapper Not long ago, though my gentleman was put to amongst us, held over his bead a circle of gold, his shitis. with five knobs on the top, and, whew! llew In. How was that? away with our prize in an instant.
Deoil. The law had laid hold of an old friend In. Under-strapper! What, are there differ- of his, for being too positive as to a matter of ent ranks and orders amongst you?
fact; evidence, evasion, protraction, pleas, every Deoil. Without doubt.
art, was employed to acquit him, that the most In. And, pray, sir-I hope no offence; but Iconsummate skill could suggest; but all to no would not be wanting in proper respectare purpose. you, when at home, of condition? or how must In. That was strange. I
Deril. Beyond all belief; he could have hangDevil. You mean, am I a devil of fashion, or ed a dozen innocent people with half the pains one of the base born ?
that this paltry perjury gave him. In. I do.
In. How came that about? Devil. I have no reason to be ashamed of my Devil. Why, I don't know; he had unfortufamily.
nately to do with an obstinate magistrate, who Ir. I don't doubt it. You will forgive me, if bears a mortal hatred to rogues, and whose saI make a mistake: Perhaps, my lord Lucifer? gacity could not be deceived. But, however, Devil. Who?
though he was not able to save his friend from In. Lord Lucifer?
the shame of conviction (a trifle, which he, inDeril. Lord Lucifer ! How little you know of deed, but little regarded), yet he had the adour folks! Lucifer a lord! Why, thai's the mean- dress to evade, or at least deter, the time of his est rascal amongst us.
punishment. In. Indeed!
In. By what means? Deril. Oh, a paltry mechanic! The very ge Devil. By finding a flaw, nius of joubing! A mere bull and bear boody; In. A flaw! What's a flaw? the patron of lame ducks, brokers, and fraudu Devil. A legal loop-bolo, that the lawyer's lent bankrupts.
leave open for a rogue now and then to crecp In. You amaze me! I vow I always thought through, that the game wayn't be wholly dethim a principal agent.
troyed. Devil. Ile! not at all! The fellow, indeed, İn. A provident sportsınan! Would it not be gave himself some airs of importance, upon tol-too much trouble to favour me with this partilowing the camp, and having the contractors and cular instance? cominissaries under his care; but that affair, Devil. Not at all. Why, sir, when matters you know, closed with the war.
grew desperate, and the case was give over for In. What, then, are they now entirely out of lost, little Belzy starts up in the form of an alle his hands?
practitioner, and humbly conceived, that his cliDevil. Yes; quite out of his way: be only sugo leut could not be convinced upon that indicunent;
of white paper.
forasmuch as therein he was charged with for Devil. Yes; me, me, miss! What, I suppose, swearing himself now; whereas it clearly appear- you expected the quiver at my back, and the ed, by the evidence, that he had only forsworn bow in my hand ; the purple pinions, and fillethimself then: if, indeed, he had been indicted ted forehead; with the blooming graces of youth generally, for committing perjury now and then, and of beauty? proofs might be produced of any perjury he may Har. Why, I can't but say the pocts had have cominitted; whereas, by limiting the point taught me to expect charms of time to the now, no proofs could be admitted Devil. That never existed but in the fore of as to the then : so that, with submission, he hum- their fancy; all fiction and phrenzy ! bly conceived bis client was clearly absolved, Inv. Then, perhaps, sir, these creative gentleand his character as fair and as spotless as a men may err as much in your office, as it is clear babe that's just born, and immaculate as a sheet they have mistaken your person.
Devil. Why, their notions of me are but narIno. And the objection was good?
row. It is true, I do a little business in the amoDevil. Fatal; there was no gitting rid of the rous way: but my dealings are of a different flaw.
kind to those they describe. My province lies Ino. And the gentleman
in forming conjunctions absurd and preposterDevil. Walks about at his ease; not a public ous : it is I that couple boys and beldames, girls place, but he thrusts his person full in your face. and greybeards, together; and when you see a
Inv. That ought not to be: the contempt of man of fashion locked in legitimate wedlock with the public, that necessary supplement to the best the stale leavings of half the fellows in town, or digested body of laws, should, in these cases, be a lady of fortune setting out for Edinburgh in a never dispensed with.
post-chaise with her footman, you may always set Devil. In days of yore, when the world was it down as some of my handywork. But this is but young, that inethod had merit, and the sense but an inconsiderable branch in my business. of shame was a kind of a curb; but knaves are Inv. Indeed! now so numerous and wealthy, they can kecp Devil. The several arts of the drama, dancing, one another in countenance, and laugh at the music, and painting, owe their existence to me: rest of the world,
'I am the father of fashions, the inventor of Inv. There may be something in that. Well, qaits, trente, qurante, and hazard; the guarsir, I have twice heen out of my guess; will you dian of gamesters, the genius of gluttony, and give me leave to hazard a third ? Perhaps you the author, protector, and patron of licentious are Belphegor, or Uriel?
ness, lewdness, and luxury. Devil. Neither. They, too, are hut diminu Inv. Your department is large. tive devils: the first favours the petty, pilfering
Devil. One time or other, I may give you a frauds; he may be traced in the double score, more minute account of these matters; at preand soaped pot of the publican, the ailum and sent we have not a moment to lose: should my chalk of the baker, in the sophisticated mixtures tyrant return, I must expect to be again corked of the brewers of wine and of beer, and in the up in a bottle.:- Knocking.}-And bark! it is false measures and weights of them all. the consul, that knocks at the door; therefore Inv. And Uriel?
be quick! how can I serve you? Devil. He is the dæmon of quacks and of Inv. You are no stranger, sir, to our distress : mountebanks; a thriving race all over the world, Here, we are unprotected and friendless; could but their true seat of empire is England: there, you not convey us to the place of our birtha short sword, a tye and a nostrum, a month's Devil. To England? advertising, with a shower of handbills, never Ino. If you please. fail of creating a fortune. But of this tribe I Devil. Without danger, and with great expeforesee I shall have occasion to speak hereafter. dition. Come to this window, and lay hold of Inv. Well, but, sir
my cloak. I have often resided in England : at Devil, Come, sir, I will put an end to your present, indeed, there are but few of our family pain; for, from my appearance, it is impossible there. Every seventh year, we have a general you should ever guess at my person. Now, miss, dispensation for residence; for at that time, the what think you of Cupid?
inhabitants themselves can play the devil, withHar. You? You Cupid? You the gay god of out our aid or assistance. Off we go! stick fast love?
to your hold !
SCENE I.-A Street in London. in an hour, of the great improvements in this
branch of civil society, tban, by any other means,
seven years could have taught you. Enter Devil, Invorce, and Harriet. Inv. Explain, if you please.
Devil. The spirit of discord prevails : The reDevil. Well, my good friends, I hope you public of tied periwigs, like the Romans of old, are not displeased with your journey?
have turned their arms from the rest of mankind, Ing. We had no time to be tired.
to draw their short swords on themselves. Har. No vehicle was ever so easy.
Inv. But how came this about? Devil. Then, by you mortals what injustice is Devil. To carry on the mataphor, you must done us, when every crazy, creeking, jolting, know, in this great town, there are two corps of jumbling coach, is called the devil of a carriage? these troops, equally numerous, and equally for. Inv. Very true.
midable: The first, it is true, are disciplined, and Devil. Oh, amongst you, we are horridly used. fight under a general, whom they christen a PreWell, sir, you now see I am a devil of honour, sident: The second, contains the hussars and and have punctually obeyed your commands : pandours of physic; they rarely attack a patibut I shan't limit my gratitude to a literal com ent together; not but the latter, single-handed, pliance with our compact; is there any thing can do good execution. else for your service ?
Inv. But their cause of contention? Ino. Were I not afraid to trespass to much Devil. Pride. The light troops are jealous of on your time
some honours the others possess by prescription, Devil. A truce to your compliments! Though and, though but a militia, think they have right they are the common change of the world, we to an equal rank with the regulars. know of what base metal the coin is composed, Ind. Why, this in time may ruin their state. and have cried down the currency : speak your
Devil. True; but that we must prevent; it is wishes at once.
our interest to make up this breach: Already we Ind. England, sir, is our country, it is true; feel the fatal effects of their feuds : By neglectbut Miss Maxwell being born abroad, and my ing their patients, the weekly bills daily decline, leaving it young, have made us both as much and new subjects begin to grow scarce in our strangers to its manners and customs, as if you realms. had set us down at Ispaban or Delhi : give us, Ind. This does, indeed, claim your attention. then, some little knowledge of the people with Devil. We propose to call in the aid of the whoin we are to live.
law; bleeding the purse is as effectual for dampDevil. That task, young gentleman, is too ing the spirit, as opening a vein for lowering the much even for the devil himself! Where liberty pulse. The Dæmon of Litigation has already reigns, and property is pretty equally spread, in- possessed the licentiates; I must infuse the dependence and pride will give each individual same passion into the president; and, I warrant a peculiar and separate character: when class- you, in two or three terms, with two or three ed in professions, indeed, they then wear some trials, all sides will be heartily tired. But asingular marks, that distinguish them from the propos! I see a brace of apothecaries coming rest of their race; these it will be necessary for this way; they seem deep in debate : Let us you to know.
listen; we shall best learn from them the preInd. You will highly oblige me.
sent posture of-Hush, hide !--You shall here, Devil. And at the same time that I am show- too, have a proof of what a Proteus I amn. ing you persons, I will give you some little light
[They retire. into things. Health and property, you know, are the two important objects of human atten Enter JULEP and APOZEM, with a letter. tion : You shall first see their state and situation in London.
Jul. I tell you, A pozem, you are but young in Inc. You mean the practice of physic and the business, and don't foresee how much we law?
sball be all hurt in the end. Devil. I do. And as to the first, you will find Apo. Well, but what can be done, Mr. Julep? it, in some of the professors, a science, noble, Here, Dr. Hellebore writes me word, that they salutary, and liberal ; in others, a trade, as mean threaten a siege, and are provided with fireas it is mercenary; a contemptible combination arms: would you have them surrender the colof dunces, nurses, and apothecaries. But you lege at once? bave now a luckly opportunity of knowing more Jul. Fire-arms! if they are mad enough not to
know that the pen is the doctor's best pistol, lasts ; but then he makes such dispatch, that why let them proceed.
one has hardly time to send in two dozen of Apo. But are we to stand quietly by, and draughts, see the very seat of the science demolished and Apo. Yes; the doctor drives on, to be sure.
Jul. Drives on ! If I am at all free in the Jul. And with what arms are we to defend house when old Nightshade is sent for, as a
where are our cannon? We have mortars, preparatory dose I always recommend an atindeed, but then they are fit to hold nothing but torney. pestles; and, as to our small arms, of what use Apo. An attorney! for what! can they be in a siege? they are made, you know Jul. To make the patient's will, before he to attack only the rear.
swallows the doctor's prescription. . Come, , you make too Apo. That prudent.
descendants from Galen, the throne of Esculapius thanks of the family. overturned by a parcel of Goths!
Apo. What, Mr. Julep, for the attorney, or Jul. Peace, Apozem, or treat your betters the physician? ha, ba! with proper respect! What, numscul! do Jul. Ha, ha! you are arch, little Apozem; you think all physicians are blockheads, who quite a wag, I profess! have not washed their hands in the Cam or the Apo. Why, you know, brother Julep, these Isis ?
are subjects upon which one can hardly be seApo. Well, but I hope you will allow that a rious. university doctor.
Jul. True, true! but then
should Jul. May, for aught you know, be a dunce. laugh loud in the street! We may indulge, inBesides, fool, what have we to do with degrees? deed, a kind of simpering smile to our patients, the doctor that doses best is the best doctor for as we drive by in our chariots; but, Iben, there
You talk of the college; there are some of is a decency, not to say dignity, that becomes their names, I am sure, that I never desire to the publie demeanour of us, who belong to the see on mny file.
faculty. dpo. Indeed !
Apo. True! And yet, there are times when Jul. Indeed ? no, indeed. Why, there's Dr. one can hardly forbear: Why, the other day Diet, that makes such a dust : he had a person now, I had like to have burst : I was following of fashion, a patient of mine, under his care a funeral into St. George's a sweet pretty t'other day ; as fine a slow fever! I was in burying ; velvet pall, hat-band and gloves; and, hopes of half making my fortune--
indeed, the widow was quite handsome in all Apo. Yes; I love a slow fever. Was it ner things; paid iny bill the next week, without vous?
sconcing off sixpence, though they were though: Jul. Ay; with a lovely dejection of spirits. to have lived happily together-but, as I was a
Apo. That was delightful indeed ! 'I look saying, as we were entering the church, who upon the nerves and the bile to be the two should be standing in the porch but Kit Cabbage, best friends we have to our back.- Well, pray, the tailor, with a new pair of breeches under bis and how did it answer ?
arm. The sly rogue made me a bow. 'Servant, Jul. Not at all; the scoundrel let him slip Master Apozem !' says he; ' what, you are carthrough my hands for a song; only a paltry six rying home your work, too, I see. 'Did you ever pounds and a crown.
hear such a dog? Apo. Shameful !
Jul. Ay, ay; let them, let them -But, Jul. Infamous ! and yet, forsooth, he was one is not that Dr. Squib, that is crossing the way! of your college. Well, now, to shew you the Apo. Yes; you may see it is Squib, by his difference of men; but the very week after, Dr. shufile. What I suppose now he is scouring Linetus, from Leyden, run me up a bill of thirty away for the college. odd pounds, for only attending Alderman Soak Jul. Who, Squib? how little you know of pot six days in a surfeit.
him ! he did not care if all our tribe was tipped Apo. Ay, that was doing of business.
into the Thames. Jul. Ay, that's a sweet pretty practitioner,
Apo. No! Apozem! we musi all do our utmost to pushi Jul. No! Lord help you! be is too much tahiin,
ken up with the national illness, to attend to parApo. Without doubt. But, notwithstanding ticular ails: why he would quit the best patient all that you say, Mr. Julep, there are some of in town to hunt after political secret; and the gentlemen of the college, that I know would rather have a whisper from a great inan
Jul. Ah! as fine fellows as ever fingered a in the Court of Requests, than five hundred pulse; not one in the trade will deny it. pounds for attending him in a clironical case.
Apo. But among'st all now, old Nat Night Apo. Wonderful ! who can that dirty boy be, shade is the man for my money.
that he has in his hand ? Jul. Yes ; Nat, Nat has merit, I own : but Jul. One of his scouts, I suppose. We shall pox take hiun ! he is so devilish quick : to be see. sure he has a very pretty fluent pen whilst it
Squib. Do, do! What, Apozem! Juleo / Erit. that is—a-am
Re-enter Devil, as Dr. SQUIB, and PRINTER'S Jul. Which?
Squib. Wby, he that holds a draught to her
mouth. Squib. And you were sure this was worked off Jul. What? the man with the pbial ? one of ihe first,
Squib, Ay, he with the phial: that is suppoBoy. Not a single one, sir, has been sent out sed to be-( Whispers.) offering her laudanum, as yet.
to lull her faster to sleep. Squib. That is daintily done, my dear devil ! Jul. Laudanum! a noble medicine, when Here, child, here's sixpence. When your mas- administered properly. I remember once in a ter gives you the rest, you need not be in haste locked jaw to deliver them, but step into the first public Squib. Damn your locked jaw ! hold your house to refresh you.
prating, you puppy! I wish your jaws were Boy. I shall, sir.
locked ! Pox take him, I have for forgot what I Squib. By that means, I shall be earliest to was going to ! - Apozem, where did I leave off? treat two or or three great men that I know Apo. You left off at faster asleep. with the sight.
Squib. True! I was faster asleep. Well, Boy. No further commands, sir?
then, you see that thin figure, there, with Squib. None, child ! but d'ye hear? if you the meagre chaps ; he with the straw in his can at any time get me the rough reading of any hand? tart political manuscript, before it goes to press, Apo. Very plain. you shan't be a loser.
Squib. He is supposed to be-[Whispers) Boy. I shall try, sir.
You take me ! Squib. That's well ! Mind your business, and Apo. Ay, ay ! go on but as you begin, and I foresee your for Squib. Who rouses Britannia, by tickling her tune is made: come, who knows but in a little nose with that straw; she starts, and, with a time, if you are a good boy, you may get yourself jerk—[Starting, strikes Julep] I beg pardon! cominitted to Newgate !
and with a jerk, knocks the bottle of laudanuin Boy. Ab, sir, I am afraid I am too young ! out of his hand; and so, by that there means,
Squib. Not at all : I have seen lads in limbo you see, Britannia is delivered from death. much younger than you. Come don't be faint
Jul. Ay, ay! hearted; there has many a printer been raised Squib. Hey! you swallow the satire? Pretty to the pillory from as slender beginnings. bitter, I think?
Boy. That's great comfort, however. Well, Jul. I can't say that I quite understandsir, l'il do my endeavour.
! Well Squib. Not understand ? then what a fool am encountered, my lads ! you are a couple of I to throw my time on a dunce! I shall miss, lucky rogues ! Here, here's a treat for a prince; too, the reading the new pamphlet in Red Lionsuch a print, boys! just fresh from the place :- Square ; and at six I must be at Serjeant's Inn, Feel it; so wet you may wring it.
to justify bail for a couple of journeymen printJul. And pray, good doctor, what is the ers. subject?
Apo. But, Dr. Squib, you seem to have forgot Squib. Subject ! Gad take me, a trimmer !- the case of the college, your brethren ? this will make some folks that we know look a Squib. I have no time to attend their trifling bout them. Hey, Julep, don't you think this squatbles! The nation, the nation, Mr. A pozem, will sting?
engrosses my care. The college ! could they Jul. I profess I don't understand it.
but get me a stiptic to stop the bleeding wounds Squib. No? Why, zounds, it is as plain as a of my — it is there, there, that I feel! Oh, Julep, pike-staff; in your own way, too, you block- Apozem! head! Can't you see? Read, read the title, you rogue! But, perhaps, you can't without spectacles. Could they but cast the water of this land, Let me see!
ay, • The State Quacks; or Britan Purge her gross humours, purify her blood, nia a-dying ;' You take it?
And give her back her pristine health again, Jul. 'Very well.
would applaud them to the very echo Squib. There you see her stretched along on
That should applaud again! a pallet ; you may know she is Britannia, by the shield and spear at the head of her bed. Jul. Indeed, Dr. Squib, that I believe is out
Apo. Very plain: for all the world like the of the way of the college. wrong side of a balfpenny !
Squib. Throw physic to che dogs, then! I'll
n Squib. Well said little Apozem! you have
bave none of't. discernment, J see. Her disease is a lethargy ;
But tell me, Apozemn, inform me, Juyou see how sick she is, by holding her hand to
lep, her head; don't you see that?
What senna, rhubarb, or what
purgan Jul. I do, I do
tive drug, Squib. Well then, look at that figure there
Can scour these-hence ? upon her left hand,
You understand me, lads !