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practised by dulness, to conceal the lack of ideas, and the want of expressions.

Devil. Partly that, I confess: not but there is some truth in the case; for at different times we have the power, and do assume the various forms, you assign us.

In. We? I observe you always make use of] the plural; is that, sir, by way of distinction, or, is your family pretty large and extensive?

Devil. Multitudinous, as the sands on the beach, or the mots in a sun-beam: how the deuce else do you think we could do all the business below? Why, there's scarce an individual amongst you, at least of any rank or importance, but has five or six of us in his train.

In. Indeed!

Devil. A little before I got rammed in that phial, I had been for some time on very hard duty in this part of the world.

In. Of what kind?

Devil. The Dæmon of Power and I had long laid siege to a subject, the man a grandee. I was then a popular spirit, and wore the mask of a patriot; at different times, we possessed him by turns; but, in the midst of a violent struggle (by which means I got lame on this leg, and obtained the nick-name of the Devil Upon Two Sticks), the Dæmon of Vanity, a low under-strapper amongst us, held over his head a circle of gold, with five knobs on the top, and, whew! flew away with our prize in an instant.

In. Under-strapper! What, are there different ranks and orders amongst you?

Devil. Without doubt.

In. And, pray, sir-I hope no offence; but I would not be wanting in proper respectare you, when at home, of condition? or how must

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Devil. Poor Lucifer, it is all over with him! if it were not for the fluctation of India, an occasional lottery, or a contested election, the alley would be empty, and Lucifer have as little to do as a pickpocket when the playhouses are shut. In. Perhaps, sir, then your name may be Belzebub?

Devil. He! worse and worse! not a devil, that has the least regard to his character, would choose to be seen in his company: besides it is the most petulant, waspish, quarrelsome cur——— but no wonder; he is the imp of chicane, and protects the rotten part of the law.

In. Then he, at least, has employment enough?

Devil. Yes, during the term, he has a good deal to do: he is the parent of quibbles, the guardian of pettifoggers, bad bail, and of bailil's; the supporter of alibi's, the source of sham pleas, the maker and finder of flaws, the patron of perjury, and a sworn foe to all trials by jury! Not long ago, though my gentleman was put to his shifts.

In. How was that?

Devil. The law had laid hold of an old friend of his, for being too positive as to a matter of fact; evidence, evasion, protraction, pleas, every art, was employed to acquit him, that the most consummate skill could suggest; but all to no

purpose.

In. That was strange.

Devil. Beyond all belief; he could have hangDevil. You mean, am I a devil of fashion, or | ed a dozen innocent people with half the pains one of the base born?

In. I do.

Devil. I have no reason to be ashamed of my family.

In. I don't doubt it. You will forgive me, if I make a mistake: Perhaps, my lord Lucifer? Devil. Who?

In. Lord Lucifer?

Devil. Lord Lucifer! How little you know of our folks! Lucifer a lord! Why, that's the meanest rascal amongst us.

In. Indeed!

Devil. Oh, a paltry mechanic! The very genius of jobbing! A mere bull and bear boody; the patron of lame ducks, brokers, and fraudulent bankrupts.

In. You amaze me! I vow I always thought him a principal agent.

Devil. He! not at all! The fellow, indeed, gave himself some airs of importance, upon following the camp, and having the contractors and commissaries under his care; but that affair, you know, closed with the war.

In. What, then, are they now entirely out of his bands?

Devil. Yes; quite out of his way: he only sug

that this paltry perjury gave him.

In. How cane that about?

Devil. Why, I don't know; he had unfortunately to do with an obstinate magistrate, who bears a mortal hatred to rogues, and whose sagacity could not be deceived. But, however, though he was not able to save his friend from the shame of conviction (a trifle, which he, indeed, but little regarded), yet he had the address to evade, or at least defer, the time of his punishment.

In. By what means?

Devil. By finding a flaw,

In. A flaw! What's a flaw?

Devil. A legal loop-hole, that the lawyer's leave open for a rogue now and then to creep through, that the game mayn't be wholly destroyed.

İn. A provident sportsman! Would it not be too much trouble to favour me with this particular instance?

Devil. Not at all. Why, sir, when matters grew desperate, and the case was give over for lost, little Belzy starts up in the form of an able practitioner, and humbly conceived, that his clieut could not be convinced upon that indictment;

forasmuch as therein he was charged with forswearing himself now; whereas it clearly appeared, by the evidence, that he had only forsworn himself then: if, indeed, he had been indicted generally, for committing perjury now and then, proofs might be produced of any perjury he may have cominitted; whereas, by limiting the point of time to the now, no proofs could be admitted as to the then so that, with submission, he humbly conceived his client was clearly absolved, and his character as fair and as spotless as a babe that's just born, and immaculate as a sheet of white paper.

:

Inv. And the objection was good?

Devil. Yes; me, me, miss! What, I suppose, you expected the quiver at my back, and the bow in my hand; the purple pinions, and filletted forehead; with the blooming graces of youth and of beauty?

Har. Why, I can't but say the poets had taught me to expect charms

Devil. That never existed but in the fire of their fancy; all fiction and phrenzy!

Inv. Then, perhaps, sir, these creative gentlemen may err as much in your office, as it is clear they have mistaken your person.

Devil. Fatal; there was no gitting rid of the rous way but my dealings are of a different flaw.

Inv. And the gentleman

Devil. Walks about at his ease; not a public place, but he thrusts his person full in your face. Inv. That ought not to be: the contempt of the public, that necessary supplement to the best digested body of laws, should, in these cases, be never dispensed with.

Devil. In days of yore, when the world was but young, that method had merit, and the sense of shame was a kind of a curb; but knaves are now so numerous and wealthy, they can keep one another in countenance, and laugh at the rest of the world.

Inv. There may be something in that. Well, sir, I have twice been out of my guess; will you give me leave to hazard a third? Perhaps you are Belphegor, or Uriel?

Devil. Neither. They, too, are but diminutive devils: the first favours the petty, pilfering frauds; he may be traced in the double score, and soaped pot of the publican, the ailum and chalk of the baker, in the sophisticated mixtures of the brewers of wine and of beer, and in the false measures and weights of them all.

Inv. And Uriel?

Devil. He is the dæmon of quacks and of mountebanks; a thriving race all over the world, but their true seat of empire is England: there, a short sword, a tye and a nostrum, a month's advertising, with a shower of handbills, never fail of creating a fortune. But of this tribe I foresee I shall have occasion to speak hereafter. Inv. Well, but, sir

Devil. Come, sir, I will put an end to your pain; for, from my appearance, it is impossible you should ever guess at my person. Now, miss, what think you of Cupid?

Har. You? You Cupid? You the gay god of love?

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Devil. Why, their notions of me are but narrow. It is true, I do a little business in the amokind to those they describe. My province lies in forming conjunctions absurd and preposterous: it is I that couple boys and beldames, girls and greybeards, together; and when you see a man of fashion locked in legitimate wedlock with the stale leavings of half the fellows in town, or a lady of fortune setting out for Edinburgh in a post-chaise with her footman, you may always set it down as some of my handywork. But this is but an inconsiderable brauch in my business.

Inv. Indeed!

Devil. The several arts of the drama, dancing, music, and painting, owe their existence to me: I am the father of fashions, the inventor of quits, trente, qurante, and hazard; the guardian of gamesters, the genius of gluttony, and the author, protector, and patron of licentiousness, lewdness, and luxury.

Inv. Your department is large.

Devil. One time or other, I may give you a more minute account of these matters; at present we have not a moment to lose: should my tyrant return, I must expect to be again corked up in a bottle.-[Knocking.]—And hark! it is the consul, that knocks at the door; therefore be quick! how can I serve you?

Inv. You are no stranger, sir, to our distress: Here, we are unprotected and friendless; could you not convey us to the place of our birthDevil. To England?

Inv. If you please.

Devil. Without danger, and with great expedition. Come to this window, and lay hold of my cloak. I have often resided in England: at present, indeed, there are but few of our family there. Every seventh year, we have a general dispensation for residence; for at that time, the inhabitants themselves can play the devil, without our aid or assistance. Off we go! stick fast your hold! [Thunder. Exeunt,

to

ACT II.

SCENE I.-A Street in London.

Enter DEVIL, INVOICE, and HARRIET.

Devil. Well, my good friends, I hope you are not displeased with your journey? Inv. We had no time to be tired. Har. No vehicle was ever so easy. Devil. Then, by you mortals what injustice is done us, when every crazy, creeking, jolting, jumbling coach, is called the devil of a carriage? Inv. Very true.

Devil. Oh, amongst you, we are horridly used. Well, sir, you now see I am a devil of honour, and have punctually obeyed your commands: but I shan't limit my gratitude to a literal compliance with our compact; is there any thing else for your service?

Inv. Were I not afraid to trespass to much on your time

Devil. A truce to your compliments! Though they are the common change of the world, we know of what base metal the coin is composed, and have cried down the currency: speak your wishes at once.

Inv. England, sir, is our country, it is true; but Miss Maxwell being born abroad, and my leaving it young, have made us both as much strangers to its manners and customs, as if you had set us down at Ispahan or Delhi: give us, then, some little knowledge of the people with whom we are to live.

Devil. That task, young gentleman, is too much even for the devil himself! Where liberty reigns, and property is pretty equally spread, independence and pride will give each individual a peculiar and separate character: when classed in professions, indeed, they then wear some singular marks, that distinguish them from the rest of their race; these it will be necessary for you to know.

Inv. You will highly oblige me.

Devil. And at the same time that I am showing you persons, I will give you some little light into things. Health and property, you know, are the two important objects of human attention: You shall first see their state and situation in London.

Inv. You mean the practice of physic and law?

Devil. I do. And as to the first, you will find it, in some of the professors, a science, noble, salutary, and liberal; in others, a trade, as mean as it is mercenary; a contemptible combination of dunces, nurses, and apothecaries. But you have now a luckly opportunity of knowing more

in an hour, of the great improvements in this branch of civil society, than, by any other means, seven years could have taught you.

Inv. Explain, if you please.

Devil. The spirit of discord prevails: The republic of tied periwigs, like the Romans of old, have turned their arms from the rest of mankind, to draw their short swords on themselves. Inv. But how came this about?

Devil. To carry on the mataphor, you must know, in this great town, there are two corps of these troops, equally numerous, and equally for midable: The first, it is true, are disciplined, and fight under a general, whom they christen a President: The second, contains the hussars and pandours of physic; they rarely attack a patient together; not but the latter, single-handed, can do good execution.

Inv. But their cause of contention?

Devil. Pride. The light troops are jealous of some honours the others possess by prescription, and, though but a militia, think they have right to an equal rank with the regulars.

Inv. Why, this in time may ruin their state. Devil. True; but that we must prevent; it is our interest to make up this breach: Already we feel the fatal effects of their feuds : By neglecting their patients, the weekly bills daily decline, and new subjects begin to grow scarce in our realms.

Inv. This does, indeed, claim your attention. Devil. We propose to call in the aid of the law; bleeding the purse is as effectual for damping the spirit, as opening a vein for lowering the pulse. The Dæmon of Litigation has already possessed the licentiates; I must infuse the same passion into the president; and, I warrant you, in two or three terms, with two or three trials, all sides will be heartily tired. But apropos! I see a brace of apothecaries coming this way; they seem deep in debate: Let us listen; we shall best learn from them the present posture of-Hush, hide!--You shall here, too, have a proof of what a Proteus I am.

[They retire.

Enter JULEP and Arozeм, with a letter.

Jul. I tell you, Apozem, you are but young in the business, and don't foresee how much we shall be all hurt in the end.

Apo. Well, but what can be done, Mr. Julep? Here, Dr. Hellebore writes me word, that they threaten a siege, and are provided with firearms: would you have them surrender the college at once?

Jul. Fire-arms! if they are mad enough not to

know that the pen is the doctor's best pistol, | lasts; but then he makes such dispatch, that why let them proceed. one has hardly time to send in two dozen of draughts,

Apo. But are we to stand quietly by, and see the very seat of the science demolished and

torn.

Jul. And with what arms are we to defend it? where are our cannon? We have mortars, indeed, but then they are fit to hold nothing but pestles; and, as to our small arms, of what use can they be in a siege? they are made, you know to attack only the rear.

Apo. Come, come, Mr. Julep, you make too light of these matters: to have the lawful descendants from Galen, the throne of Esculapius overturned by a parcel of Goths!

Jul. Peace, Apozem, or treat your betters with proper respect! What, numscul! do you think all physicians are blockheads, who have not washed their hands in the Cam or the Isis?

Apo. Well, but I hope you will allow that a university doctor.

Jul. May, for aught you know, be a dunce. Besides, fool, what have we to do with degrees? the doctor that doses best is the best doctor for us. You talk of the college; there are some of their names, I am sure, that I never desire to see on my file.

Apo. Indeed!

Jul. Indeed? no, indeed. Why, there's Dr. Diet, that makes such a dust: he had a person of fashion, a patient of mine, under his care t'other day; as fine a slow fever! I was in hopes of half making my fortune

Apo. Yes; I love a slow fever. Was it ner

vous?

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Apo. Without doubt. But, notwithstanding all that you say, Mr. Julep, there are some of the gentlemen of the college, that I know—

Jul. Ah! as fine fellows as ever fingered a pulse; not one in the trade will deny it.

Apo. But amongst all now, old Nat Nightshade is the man for my money.

Jul. Yes; Nat, Nat has merit, I own: but pox take him! he is so devilish quick to be sure he has a very pretty fluent pen whilst it

Apo. Yes; the doctor drives on, to be sure. Jul. Drives on! If I am at all free in the house when old Nightshade is sent for, as a preparatory dose I always recommend an attorney.

Apo. An attorney! for what!

Jul. To make the patient's will, before he swallows the doctor's prescription.

Apo. That is prudent.

Jul. Yes; I generally afterwards get the thanks of the family.

Apo. What, Mr. Julep, for the attorney, or the physician? ha, ba!

Jul. Ha, ha! you are arch, little Apozem; quite a wag, I profess!

Apo. Why, you know, brother Julep, these are subjects upon which one can hardly be serious.

Jul. True, true! but then you should never laugh loud in the street! We may indulge, indeed, a kind of simpering smile to our patients, as we drive by in our chariots; but, then, there is a decency, not to say diguity, that becomes the publie demeanour of us, who belong to the faculty.

Apo. True! And yet, there are times when one can hardly forbear: Why, the other day now, I had like to have burst: I was following a funeral into St. George's a sweet pretty burying; velvet pall, hat-band and gloves; and, indeed, the widow was quite handsome in all things; paid my bill the next week, without sconcing off sixpence, though they were thought to have lived happily together-but, as I was asaying, as we were entering the church, who should be standing in the porch but Kit Cabbage, the tailor, with a new pair of breeches under his arm. The sly rogue made me a bow. Servant, Master Apozem!' says he; what, you are carrying home your work, too, I see. 'Did you ever hear such a dog?

Jul. Ay, ay; let them, let them-But, is not that Dr. Squib, that is crossing the way?

Apo. Yes; you may see it is Squib, by his shuffle. What I suppose now he is scouring away for the college.

Jul. Who, Squib? how little you know of him! he did not care if all our tribe was tipped into the Thames.

Apo. No!

Jul. No! Lord help you! he is too much taken up with the national illness, to attend to particular ails: why he would quit the best patient in town to hunt after a political secret; and would rather have a whisper from a great man in the Court of Requests, than five hundred pounds for attending him in a clironical case.

Apo. Wonderful! who can that dirty boy be, that he has in his hand?

Jul. One of his scouts, I suppose. We shall

see.

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Squib. That's well! Mind your business, and go on but as you begin, and I foresee your fortune is made: come, who knows but in a little time, if you are a good boy, you may get yourself cominitted to Newgate!

Boy. Ab, sir, I am afraid I am too young! Squib. Not at all: I have seen lads in limbo much younger than you. Come don't be fainthearted; there has many a printer been raised to the pillory from as slender beginnings. Boy. That's great comfort, however. Well, sir, I'll do my endeavour. [Erit. Squib. Do, do! What, Apozem ! Julep ! Well encountered, my lads! you are a couple of lucky rogues! Here, here's a treat for a prince; such a print, boys! just fresh from the plate:Feel it; so wet you may wring it.

Julep!

Jul. And pray, good doctor, what is the subject?

Squib. Subject! Gad take me, a trimmer!this will make some folks that we know look a

bout them. Hey, Julep, don't you think this will sting?

Jul. I profess I don't understand it.

Squib. No? Why, zounds, it is as plain as a pike-staff; in your own way, too, you blockhead! Can't you see? Read, read the title, you rogue! But, perhaps, you can't without spectacles. Let me see! ay, The State Quacks; or Britannia a-dying;' You take it?

Jul. Very well.

Squib. There you see her stretched along on a pallet; you may know she is Britannia, by the shield and spear at the head of her bed.

Apo. Very plain: for all the world like the wrong side of a halfpenny!

Squib. Well said little Apozem! you have discernment, I see. Her disease is a lethargy; you see how sick she is, by holding her hand to her head; don't you see that?

Jul. I do, I do!

Squib. Well then, look at that figure there upon her left hand.

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Jul. Which?

Squib. Why, he that holds a draught to her mouth.

Jul. What? the man with the phial?

Squib. Ay, he with the phial: that is supposed to be-[Whispers.] offering her laudanum, to lull her faster to sleep.

Jul. Laudanum! a noble medicine, when administered properly. I remember once in a locked jaw

Squib. Damn your locked jaw! hold your prating, you puppy! I wish your jaws were locked! Pox take him, I have for forgot what I was going to!-Apozem, where did I leave off? Apo. You left off at faster asleep.

Squib. True! I was faster asleep. Well, then, you see that thin figure, there, with the meagre chaps; he with the straw in his hand?

Apo. Very plain.

Squib. He is supposed to be-[Whispers]You take me!

Apo. Ay, ay!

Squib. Who rouses Britannia, by tickling her nose with that straw; she starts, and, with a jerk-[Starting, strikes JULEP] I beg pardon ! and with a jerk, knocks the bottle of laudanum out of his hand; and so, by that there means, you see, Britannia is delivered from death. Jul. Ay, ay!

Squib. Hey! you swallow the satire? Pretty bitter, I think?

Jul. I can't say that I quite understandthat is-a-a

Squib. Not understand? then what a fool am I to throw my time on a dunce! I shall miss, too, the reading the new pamphlet in Red LionSquare; and at six I must be at Serjeant's Inn, to justify bail for a couple of journeymen printers.

Apo. But, Dr. Squib, you seem to have forgot the case of the college, your brethren?

Squib. I have no time to attend their trifling squabbles! The nation, the nation, Mr. Apozem, engrosses my care. The college! could they but get me a stiptic to stop the bleeding wounds of my - it is there, there, that I feel! Oh, Julep,

Apozem!

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