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Jul. To good truth, not I, sir !
Madam Tyth'em, believing her husband was Squib. No! then so much the better ! I war- dead, directly sent the sexon for I. rant little Pozy does. Well, adieu, my brave Devil. An affectionate wife! boys! for I have not an instant to lose. Not Last. Yes ; they are a main happy couple.understand me, bey? Apozem, you do, you Sure as a gun, master, when I comed, his face rogue ? What senna, rhubarb, or-hey, can was as black as his cassock: but howsomdever, scour these Sc -Egad, I had like to have I took out my lancelot, and forthwith opened a gone too far! Well, bye, bye! [Exit Squib. large artifice here in one of the juglers. The
Jul. Why the poor man seems out of his doctor bled like a pig. senses !
Devil. I dare say. Apo. When he talked of throwing physic to Lust. But it did the business howsomdever; the dogs, I confess I began to suspect him. But I compassed the job. we shall be late; we must attend our suinmoos, Devil. What, he recovered ? you kuow.
Last. Recovered! Lord help you! why, but Jul. Throw physic to the dogs! I can tell last Sunday was se'ennight--to be sure, the docthee, Apozem, if he does not getcured of these tor is given to weeze a little, because why, he is fancies and freaks, he is more likely to go to the main opulent, and apt to be tisicky--but he kennel by half. Throw physic to the dogs! an composed as sweet a discourse-I slept from impertinent ignorant puppy! [Exeunt. beginning to end.
Decil. That was composing indeed! Enter Devil, Invoice, and HARRIET.
Last. Ay, warn't it, master, for a man that is strucken in years?
Devil, Oh, a wonderful effort ! Devil. Well, I think chance has thrown a
Lust. Well, like your worship, and besides pretty good sample into your way. Now, if
all this I have been telling you, I bave a pretty I could but get one to conduct you—But stay, tight hand at a tooth. who have we here?
Last, Ay; and I'll say a bold word, that, in Enter Last, with a pair of shoes. drawing a thousand I never stumpt a man in
iny life : now, let your Rusperni's and all your Last. Pray, good gentlemen, can you tell a foreign mounseers, with their fine dainty freechbody which is the ready road to find Warwick-es, say the like if they can. lane ?
Devil. I defy them. Devil. Warwick-lane, friend ! and, pr'ythee, Last. So you may. Then, about a dozen what can be thy errand there?
years ago, before these here Suttons made such Lust. I am going there, to take out a licence a noise, I had some thoughts of occupying for to make me a doctor, an like your worship. the small-pox. Devil. Where do you live?
Devil. Ay; that would have wound up your Last. A little way off in the country, bottom at once. And why did not you ?
Devil. Your name, honest friend, and your Last. Why, I don't know, master; the neighbusiness?
bours were frightful, and wonld not consent ; Lust. My name, master, is Last; by trade, I otherwise, by this time, 'tis my belief, men, woam a doctor, and, by profession, a maker of shoes: men, and children, I might have occupied twenI was born to the one, and bred up to the other. ty thousand at last. Devil. Born ! I don't understand you !
Devil. Upon my word ! But, you say a dozen Last. Why, I am a seventh son, and so were years, Master Last? As you have practised phy
sic without permission so long, what makes you Devil. Oh, a very clear title! and pray, now think of getting a licence ? now in which branch does your skill chiefly lie ? Lust. Why, it is all along with one Lotion, a
Lust. By casting a water, I cure the jaun- pottercarrier, that lives in a little town hard by darse; I taps folks for a tenpenny; and have a we; he is grown old and lascivious, I think, and choice charm for the agar; and over and above threatens to present me at size, if so be I practhat, master I bleeds.
tise any longer. Deril. Bleeds ! and are your neighbours so Devil. What, I suppose you run away with bold as to trust you ?
the business? Last. Trust me! ay, master, that they will, Last. Right, master! you have guessed the sooner than narra a man in the country. May- matter at once. So, I was telling my tale to hap, you may know Dr. Tytb'em, our rector, at Sawney M'Gregor, who comes now and then home?
to our town, with his pack; God, he advised me Devil. I can't say that I do.
to get made a doctor at once, and send for a diLast. He's the flower of a man in the pulpit. plunimy from Scotland. Why, t'other day, you must know, taking a turn Devil. Why, that was the right road, Master in his garden, and thinking of nothing at all, | Last. down falls the doctor flat in a fit of perplexity : Lust. True! But, my master Tytlı’em tells me,
that I can get it done for pretty near the same Mac. I'canna say that, sir, nor that I am inprice here in London; so I had rather, d've see, teerely dastitute neither; but I shall be unco glad lay out my money at home, than transport it to to get a mair solid establishment. foreign parts, as we say; because why, master, Devil. Have you been long in this town? I thinks there has too much already gone that Mac. Aboot a month awa, sir: I launded fra road.
Leith, in the guide ship the Traquair, Davy DoDevil. Spoke like an Englishman !
naldson, maister, and am lodged with Sawney Last. I have a pair of shoes here, to carry Sinclair, at the sign o'the city of Glascow, not far home to farmer Fallow's son, that lives with Ma- fra the Monument. ster Grogram, the mercer, hard by here,in Cheap Devil. But you are in employment? side; so I thought I might as well do both busi Muc. Ay, for some part of the day. nesses under one.
Devil. "And to what may your profits &• Devil. True! Your way, Master Last, lies be- mount? fore you; the second street you must turn to Muc, Ab, for the matter of that, it is a pratty the left; then, enter the first great gate that smart little income. you see,
Devil. Is it a secret how much? Last. And who must I ask for?
Mac. Not at aw; I get three-pence an hour Devil. Oh, pull out your purse; you will find for larning Latin to a physician in the ceety. that hint sufficient: İt is a part of the world Devil. The very man that we want. Latin ! where a fee is never refused.
and, what, are you capable ? Last. Thank you, master! You are main Mac. Cappable! Hut awa, mon! Ken ye, kind; very civil, indeed! [Going, returns.] Ithat I was heed of the humanity-class for mair wish, master, you had now either the agar or than a twalvemouth? and was offered the chair jaundarse; I would set you right in a trice. of the grammatical professorship in the colledge,
Devil. Thank you, Master Last! but I am as which amunts to a matter of sax pounds British well as I am.
a year. Last. Or, if so be you likes to open a vein, or Devil. That's more than I knew. Can you would have a tooth or two knocked out of your guess, sir, where your scholar is now? head, I'll do it for nothing.
Mac. It is na long, sir, that I laft him conning Devil. Not at present, I thank you! when I his As in præsenti; after which, he talked of want, I'll call at your house in the country.[ Exit. ganging to meet soine friends o’the faculty, aboot Last.] Well, my young couple, and what say a sort of a squabble, that he says is sprang up
amang them; he wanted me to gang alang wil Ind. Say, sir! that I am more afraid of being him, as I had gi'n mysel to study madicine a litsick, than ever I was in my life.
tle before I quitted the north. Devil. Pho! you know nothing as yet. But Devil. Do you know the public-house where my time draws nigh for possessing the president; they meet? If I could but yet some intelligent person, to Mlac. Yes, yes; unco weel, sir; it is at the taconduct you to the place where the licentiates vern the south side of Paul's Kirk. assemble—There seems a sober, sedate-looking Devil. Will you take the trouble to conduct lad; perhaps, he may answer our purpose. this young couple thither? they will amply reHark ye, young man?
ward you. You and your partner will follow
this lad. Fear nothing ! by my art, you are inEnter Johny MACPHERSON.
visible to all but those that you desire should see you.
At the college we shall rejoin one anMac. What's your wul, sir ? would you spear Other : --for thither the licentiates will lead aught wi' me?
you. Devil. Though I think I can give a good Ino. But how shall we be able to distinguish guess, pray, from what part of the world may you from the rest of the fellows?
Devil. By my large wig, and superior importMuc. My name is Jobney Macpherson, and I ance; in a word, you inust look for me in the came out of the north.
PRESIDENT. Devil. Are you in business at present?
Ind. Adieu !
SCENE I-A Street.
hair? I don't recollect to have seen his features
before. FINGERFEE, SLIGO, OSASAFRAS, BROADBRIM,
Osas. Nor I, to my knowledge. other Doctors, and MACPHERSON, discovered.
Sli. Perhaps, he may be able to tell me, if I Fin. No; I can't help thinking this was by ask him himself. I am proud to see, you, docmuch the best method. If, indeed, they refuse tor, on this occasion; because why, it becomes us an amicable entrance, we are then justified every jontleman that is of the faculty—that is, in the use of of corrosives,
that is not of their faculty, you understand me? Sligo. I tell you, Dr. Fingerfee-I am sorry, to look about him and stir. d'ye see, to differ from so old a practitioner Mac. Oh, by my troth, you are right, sir ! but I don't like your prescription at all, at all; The leemiting of physic aw to ae hoose, caw it For, what signifies a palliative regimen, with a college, or by what denomination you wul, it such a rotten constitution ! May I never finger a is at best but establishing a sort of monopoly. pulse as long as I live, if you get their voluntary Sli. 'Pon my conscience, that is a fine obserconsent to go in, unless, indeed, it be by com- vation. By the twist of your tongue, doctor, (no pulsion.
offence) I should be apt to guess that you might Osas. I entirely coincide with my very capable be a foreigner born. countryman, Dr. Sligo, d’ye sce; and do give Mac, Sirr ! my advice, in this consultation, for putting the Sli. From Russia, perhaps, or Muscovy? whole college under a course of steel without Mac, Hut awa, mon ! not at aw! Zounds, I further delay..
am a Breeton ! Sli. I am much obligated to you for your kind Sli. Then, I should suppose, doctor, pretty compliment, doctor. But, pray, what may your far to the northward.. name be?
Mac. Ay; you are right, sir. Osas. Dr. Osasafras, at your humble service. Sli. And pray, doctor, what particular branch
Sli. I am your very obadient, alsho! I have of our business may have taken up the most of heard tell of your name.
But what did you your
Sli. Botany! in what college?
Osas. Pray, doctor, is not botany a very dry Sli. Osasa fas ? that's a name of no note; he sort of a study? is not a Melisian, I am sure. The family, I sup Sli. Most damnably so in those parts, my dear pose, came over t’other day with Strongbow, not doctor; for all the knowledge they have, they above seven or eight hundred years ago ; or, must get from dried herbs, because the devil of perhaps, a descendant from one of Oliver's any green that will grow there. drummers—’Pon my conscience, doctor, I should Mac. Sir, your information is wrang. hardly belave you were Irish !
my dear doctor, hold your palaver, Osas. What, sir, d'ye doubt my veracity? and don't bé after puffing on us; because why,
Sli. Not at all, my dear doctor! it is not for you know in your conscience that in your part that: but, between nie, and yourself, you have of the world you get no cabbage but thistles; and lived a long time in this town.
those you are obliged to raise upon
hotbeds. Osas. Like enough.
Mac. Thistles ! zounds, sir, d'ye mean to afSli. Ay! and was here a great while before front me? ever I saw it.
Sli. That, doctor, is as you plaases to take it. Osas. What of that?
Mac. God's life, sir, I would ha' you to ken, Sli. Very well, my dear doctor! Then, putting that there is narra a non wi' his heed upon his that and t'other together, my notion of the up- shoulders that dareshot is, that if so be you are a native of Ireland, Fin. Peace, peace, gentlemen ! let us have upon my conscience, you must have been boru no civil discord. Doctor Sligo is a lover of pleathere very young.
santry; but, I am sure, had no design to affront Osas. Young ay, to be sure! Why, my soul, you : A joke, nothing else. I was christened there.
Mac. A joke! ah; Ilike a joke weel enough; Sli. Ay!
but I did na understand the doctor's gibing and Osas. Ay was I, in the county of Meath. jeering : Perhaps my wut may not be aw to
Sli. Oh, that alters the property! that makes gether as sharp as the doctor's, but I have a it as clear as Fleet-Ditch. I should be glad, sword, sircountryman, of your nearer acquaintance. But Sli. A sword, sir ! what little slim doctor is that, in his own head of Fin. A sword ! ay, ay; there is no doubt you
have both very good ones; but reserve them for Sli. Come, Dr. Habakkuk, will you march in -Oh! here comes our ambassador,
the front or rear?
Hab. Pardon me, doctor! I cannot attend you. Enter DYACHYLON.
Sli. What, d'ye draw back when it comes to
the push? Well, Dr. Dyachylon, what news from the col Hab. Not at all; I would gladly join in putlege? will they allow us free ingress and egress? ting these Philistines to flight; for I abhor them
Dyas. I could not get them to swallow a single worse than hog's puddings, in which the unclean demand.
beast and the blood are all jumbled together. Al. No?
Sli. Pretty food, for all that. Sli. Then let us drive there, and drench them. Hab. But this is Saturday, and I dare not Dyac. I was heard with disdain, and refused draw my sword on the Sabbath. with an air of defiance.
Sli. Then stay with your brother MelchiseSli. There, gentlemen! I foretold you what dech; for, though of different religions, you are would happen at first.
both of a kidney. Come, doctors; out with your All. He did, he did !
swords ! Huzza ! and now for the lane! Hüzza! Sli. Then we have nothing for it but to force
[Ereunt. our passage at once.
Broad. Friend Habakkuk, thou seest how All. By all means; let us march!
headstrong and wilful these men are; but let us Broad. Friend Fingerfee, would our brethren use discretion, however. Wilt thou step to the but incline their ears to me for a minute inn that taketh its name from the city of Lincoln?
Fin. Gentlemen, Dr. Broadbrim desires to be enquire there for a man, with a red rag at his beard.
back, a small black cap on his pate, and a bushel All. Hear him, hear him!
of hair on his breast ? I think they call him a Sli. Paw, honey, what signifies hearing? I long serjeant. to be doing, my jewel!
Hab. They do. Fin. But hear Dr. Melchisedech Broadbrim,
Broad. Then, without let or delay, bring him however.
thee. All, Ay, ay; hear Dr. Broadbrim.
Hab. I will about it this instant. Broad. Fellow-labourers in the same vineyard! Broad. His admonition, perhaps, may prevail. ye know well how much I stand inclined to our Use dispatch, I beseech thee, friend Habakkuk. cause; forasmuch as not one of my brethren can Hab. As much as if I was posting to the Treabe more zealous than I
sury, to obtain a large subscription in a new All. True, true.
loan, or a lottery. Broad. But ye wot also that I hold it not meet Broad. Nay, then, friend, I have no reason or wholesome to use carnal weapon, even for to fear thee.
[Ereunt. the defence of myself; much more unseemly, then, must I deem it, to draw the sword for the
SCENE II.- The College. offending of others.
Sli. Paw! brother doctors; don't let him Devil, [as HELLEBORE, the President.] Cambother us with his yea and nay nonsense!
PHIRE, CALOMEL, Secretary, and Pupils, dis
covered. Broad. Friend Sligo, do not be choleric; and know that I am as free to draw my purse, in Sec. The Licentiates, sir, will soon be at hand. this cause, as thou art thy sword; And thou Hel. Let them! wilt find, at the length, notwithstanding thy Cal. We will do our duty however; and, like swaggering, that the last will do us best service. the patricians of old, receive with silence these Sli. Well, but
Visigoths in the senate. All. Hear him, hear him !
Hel. I am not, Dr. Calomel, of so pacific a Broad. It is my motion, then, brethren, that turn. Let us keep the evil out of doors, if we we do forthwith send for a sinful man in the can: if not, vim vi, repel force by force-Barrifleshi, called an attorney.
cado the gates! Sli. An attorney!
Sec. It is done. Broad. Ay, an attorney; and that we do direct Hel. Are the buckets and fire-engine fetched him to take out a parchinent instrument, with a from St. Dunstan's ? seal fixed thereto.
Sec. They have been here, sir, this half-hour. Sli. Paw, pox! what good can that do ? Hel. Let twelve apothecaries be placed at the
Broud. Don't be too hasty, friend Sligo. And pump, and their apprentices supply them with therewith, I say, let him possess the outward ta water, bernacle of the vain man, who delighteth to call Sec. Yes, sir. himself president, and carry him before the men Hel. But let the engine be played by old Jolclothed in lambskin, who, at Westminster, are lup, from James-street. Not one of the trade now sitting in judgment.
has a better hand at directing a pipe. Sli. Paw! a law-suit! that won't end with Sec. Mighty well, sir. our lives. Let us march!
Hel. In the time of siege, every citizen ought All. Ay, ay.
in duty to serve. Having thus, br rs, provide
ed a proper defence, let us coolly proceed to our called in to a patient with a pain in his bowels, business. Is there any body here, to demand a what then is your inethod of practice ? licence to-day?
Lust. I claps a trencher hot to the part. Sec. A practitioner, Mr. President out of the Hel. Embrocation ; very well! But if this country:
application should fail, what is the next step that Hel. Are the customary fees all discharged ? Sec. All, sir.
Last. I gi's a vomit and a purge. Hel. Then let our censors, Dr. Christopher Hel. Well replied ! for it is plain there is a Camphire, and Dr. Cornelius Calomel, introduce disagreeable guest in the house; he has opened the practitioner for examination.
botla doors; if he will go out at neither, it is [Ereunt CAMPHIRE and Calomel. none of bis fault. After this duty is dispatched, we will then read All, Oh, no! by no means ! the college and students a lecture.
Hel. We have now dispatched the middle, and
head: Come we finally to the other extremity, Enter CAMPHIRE und Calomel, with Last. the feet! Are you equally skilful in the disorders Last. First, let me lay down my shoes.
incidental to them? (They advance, with three bous, to the table. Lust. I believe I may. Hel. Let the candidate be placed on a stool.
Hel. Name some. What's the doctor's name?
Lust. I have a great vogue all our way for Sec. Emanuel Last, Mr. President.
curing of corns. Hel. Dr. Last, you have petitioned the college, Hel. What are the means that
use? to obtain a licence for the practice of physic;
Lust. I cuts them out. and though we have no doubi of your great skill Hel. Well replied ! extirpation: No better and abilities, yet our duty compels us previously method of curing can be. 'Well, brethren, I to ask a few questions : What academy had the think we may now, after this strict and impartial honour to form you?
inquiry, safely certify, that Dr. Last, from top to Last, Auan?
10€, is an able physician, Hel. We want to know the name of the place All. Very able, very able, indeed! where you have studied the science of physic? Hel. And every way qualified to proceed in Last, Dunstable.
his practice. Hel. That's some German university; so he All. Every way qualified. can never belong to the College.
Hel. You may descend, Dr. Last. (Last takes All. Never ; oh, no!
his seat among them.] Secretary, first read, and Hel. Now, sir, with regard to your physiolo- then give the doctor bis licence. gical knowledge. By what means, Dr. Last, do Sec. [Reads.] “ To all, whom these presents you discover that a inan is not well ?
may come, greetiny. Know ye, that, after a Lust. By his complaint that he is ill. most strict and severe inquisition, not only into Hel. Well replicd! no surer prognostic. the great skill and erudition, but the morals of All. None surer.
Dr. Emanuel Last. We are authorised to grant Hel. Then, as to recovering a subject that is unto the suid doctor, full power, permission, ill-Can you venture to undertake the cure of and licence, to pill, bolus, lotion, potion, druught, au ague?
dose, drench, purge, bleed, blister, clister, cup, Last. With arra a man in the country. scurify, syringe, salivate, couch, flur, sweat, Hel. By what means ?
diet, dilute, tap, plaster, and poultice, all perLast. By a charm.
sons, in all diseases, of all ages, conditions, and Hel. And pray, of what materials may that seres. And we do strictly command and enjoin charm be composed ?
all surgeons, apothecaries, with their apprentiLast. I wont tell ; 'tis a secret.
ces, all midwives, male, female, and nurses, at Hel. Well replied ! the college has no right all times, to be aiding and assisting to the said to pry into secrets.
Dr. Emanuel Last. And we do further charge Ali. Oh, no! by no nieans !
all mayors, justices, aldermen, sheriffs, bailiffs, Hel. But now, Dr. Last, to proceed in due headboroughs, constables, and coroners, not to form; are you qualified to administer remedies molest or intermeddle with the said doctor, if to such diseases as belong to the head? any party whom he shall pill, bolus, lotion, paLust. I believe I may.
tion, draught, dose, drench, purge, bleed, blisHel. Name some to the college.
ter, clister, cup, scarify, syringe, salivate, cuuch, Last. The tooth-ache.
flux, sweat, diet, dilute, tup, plaster, and poulHel. What do you hold the best method to tice, should happen to die, but to deem that treat it?
the said party died a natural death, anything Lust. I pulls 'em up by the roots.
appearing to the contrary notwithstanding. Hel. Well replied, brothers ! that, without Given under our hands, &c." Hercules Helledoubt, is a radical cure.
bore, Cornelius Calomel, Christopher Camphire. All. Without doubt.
Last. Then, if a patient die, they must not Hel. Thus far as to the head: proceed we say that I killed him? next to the middle; When, Dr. Last, you are Hel. They say? Why, how should they know,