« PreviousContinue »
Jack. Defendant never saw plaintiff since the Ser. Right, boy! Are you ready in the case hour he was born; but, notwithstanding, they of the cow? have three witnesses to prove a consideration Juck. Fretty well, I believe. and signing the note.
Ser. Give it, then. Ser. They have !
Juck. First of April, anno seventeen hundred Jack. He is puzzled what plea to put in. and blank, John a Noakes was indicted by blank, Ser. Three witnesses ready you say?
before blank, in the county of blank, for stealing Jack. Yes.
a cow, contra pacem, etcet, and against the Ser. Tell bim, Simple must acknowledge the statute in that case provided and made, to prenote. (Jack starts.] and bid him, against the vent stealing of cattle. trial comes on, to procure four persons at least Ser. Go on. to prove the payment at the Crown and Anchor, Jack. Said Noakes was convicted upon the the 10th of December.
said statute. Jack. But, then, how comes the note to re Ser. What followed upon ? main in plaintiff's possession?
Jack. Motion in arrest of judgment made by Ser. Well put, Jack! but we have a salvo counsellor Puzzle. First, because the field from for that; plantiff happened not to have the note whence the cow was conveyed is laid in the inin his pocket, but promi-ed to deliver it up dictinent as round, but turned out, upon proof, when called thereunto by defendant.
to be square: Jack. That will do rarely.
Ser. That's well: a valid objection. Ser. Let the defence be a secret; for I see Juck. Secondly, because, iu said indictment, we have able people to deal with. But come, the colour of the cow is called red, there being child, not to lose time, have you carefully con no such things, in rerum natura, as red cows, no ned those instructions I gave you?
more than black lions, spread eagles, flying grifJack. Yes, sir.
fins, or blue boars, Ser. Well, that we shall see.
Ser. Well put. points are the great object of practice?
Jack. Thirdly, Said Noakes has not offended Jack. Two.
against form of the statute; because stealing of Ser. Which are they?
cattle is there provided against: whereas we are Jack. The first is to put a man into possession only convicted of stealing a cow. Now, though of what is bis right.
cattle may be cows, yet it does by no means folSer. The second ?
low that cows must be cattle. Jack. Either to deprive a man of what is rcal Ser. Bravo, bravo ! buss me, you rogue; you ly his right, or to keep him as long as possible are your father's own son ! go on and prosper. out of possession.
I am sorry, dear Jack, I must leave thee.' If Ser. Good boy ! To gain the last end, what Providence but sends thee life and health, I proare the best means to be used ?
phecy thou wilt wrest as much land from the Jack. Various; and many are the legal modes owners, and save as many thieves from the galof delay.
lows as any practitioner since the days of king Ser. Name them !
Alfred. Juck. Injunctions, demurrers, sham-pleas, Jack. I'll do my endeavour. [Erit SERJEANT.] writs of error, rejoinders, sur-rejoinders, rebut- So! father is set off. Now, if I can but lay eyes ters, sur-rebutters, replications, exceptions, es on our Charlotte, just to deliver this letter, hesoigns, and in parlance.
fore madam coines home. There she is ! Hist, Ser. [To himself:], Fine instruments in the sister Charlotte ! hands of a man who knows how to use them!
Enter CHARLOTTE. But now, Jack, we come to the point: If an able advocate has his choice in a cause (which if Char. What have got there, Jack? he is in reputation he may readily have), which Jack. Somcthing for you, sister. side should he choose, the right or the wrong? Char. For me! Pr’ythee what is it? Jack. A great lawyer's business is always to
Juck. A thing. make choice of the wrong.
Char. What thing? Ser. And pr’ythee, why so?
Jack. A thing that will please you, I'm sure. Jack. Because a good cause can speak for it Char. Come don't be a boy, let me bave it. self, whilst a bad one demands an able counsel- (Jack gives the letter.] How's this! a letter ! lor to give it a colour.
from whom? Ser. Very well. But in what respects will
Jack. Can't you guess ? this answer to the lawyer bimself?
Char. Not I; I don't know the hand. Jack. In a twofold way. First, his fees will Jack. May be not; but you know the inditer, be large, in proportion to the dirty work he is to Char. Then tell me his name. do.
Juck. Break open the seal, and you'll find it. Ser. Secondly?
Chur. [Opening the letter.] • Charles WoodJack. His reputation will rise, by obtaining the ford ?-I am sure I know nothing of him, victory in a desperate cause.
Jack. Ay, but, sister, you do.
Jack. Don't you remember about three weeks / appointed to relieve the old watchman; for no ago, when you drank tea at our chambers, there sooner one is off, but the other comes on. was a young gentleman in a blue sattin 'waist Char. And that from his eyes being constantcoat, who wore his own head of hair?
ly fixed on my window (for the information of Char. Well?
which I presume he is indebted to you,Jack. That letters from he.
Jack. He, he, lie! Chur. What can be his business with me? Char. I had a pretty shrewd guess at his busiJack. Read that, and you'll know.
ness; but tell him, that unless my fa-Hush! Char. [Reads.] 'Want words to apologize- our tyrant is returned. Dou't leave the house hum, hum-very first moment I saw you—bum, till I see you. bum -smothered long in my breast--hum, hum-happiest, or else the most wretched, of
Enter Mrs. CIRCUIT and BETTY. men.'—So, sir, you have undertaken a pretty Mrs. Cir. So, sir, what makes you loitering commission! and what do you think my father from chambers ?-I thought I told you, you will.
should never be here but at meals? (Erit Jack.] Jack. Why, I hope you won't go for to tell One spy is enough in a family.-Miss, you may him?
go to your room; and, d've hear?-I shall have Chur. Indeed, sir, but I shall.
company, so you need not come down. [Ent Jack. No, sister, l'am sure you won't be so Charlotte.]=Betty, no message or letter?
Besides, what could I do? The poor Bet. None, madam. young lad begged so hard; and there, for this
Mrs. Cir. That is amazing!-You know I fortnight, he has gone about sighing, and musing, expect Colonel Secret and Mrs. Simper every and moping: I am satisfied it would melt you stant. to see him. Do, sister, let me bring him this Bet. Yes, madam. eveniny, now father is out.
MÍrs. Cir. Put the fruit and the wine on the Char. Upon my word !—The young man has table in the next room. made no bad choice of an agent: you are for Bet. Very well, madam. pushing matters at once. But, harkye, sir, who
Mrs. Cir. And, Betty, order the fellow to let is the spark you are so anxious about ? and how nobody in but Sir Luke. long have you known him?
Bet. Madam, I shall take care. [Erit. Juck. Oh! a prodigious long while; above a month, I am certain. Don't you think him over by this time.
Mrs. Cir. [Sits down.] The ballot must be
Sure there is nothing so mighty genteel? I assure you he is vastly liked dreadtul as a state of suspence: but should they by the ladies.
black-ball me!-No, there's no danger of that: Char. He is!
Miss Mattadore has insured me success.-Well, Jack. Yes, indeed. Mrs. Congo, at the Gre- this is certainly one of the most useful institucian, coffee-house, says be’s the soberest youth tions; it positively supplies the only point of that comes to the house; and all Mrs. Mittens's time one does not know how to employ. From 'prentices throw down their work, and run to twelve, the hour of one's rising, to dinner, is a the window every time he goes by.
most horrible chasm ; for though teasing the Char. Upon my word !
mercers and milliners, by tumbling their wares, Jack. And moreover, besides that, he has is now and then an entertaining amusement, yet, several great estates in the country; but only, upon repetition, it palls. But every morning for the present, he is kept out of them all by the to be sure of a party, and then again at night, Char. Ah! Jack, that's the worst part of the be quite free from all pain of providing; not
after a rout, to have a place to retire to; to story.
to be pestered at table with the odious company Jack. Pshaw! that's nothing at all. His of clients and country cousins; for I am deterguardian, Mr. Fairplay, has been with father to mined to dine and sup at that club every day. day, and says he is certain that he can set all to
I can tell them they'll have but very few forfeits rights in a trice.
Char. Well, Jack, when that point is determined, it will be time enough to
Enter Betty, in haste, with a letier, Jack. Then, Lord of mercy! why, sister Char Bet. By a chairman, madam, from the Thatchlotte, it is my private opinion, that if you don't ed House. give him some crumbs of comfort, he won't live Mrs. Cir. Give it me, Betty, this instant !till midsummer term.
Ay—this is Mattadore's hand. (Opens and reads Chur. I warrant you. Either Cupid's darts the letter.] ‘My dear Circuit-it is with the ulwere always but poetical engines, or they have most concern and confusion I find myself oblibeen lately deprived of their points. Love ged to acquaint you, that, notwithstanding all holds no place in the modern bills of morta- the pains I have taken, the club have thought fit lity. However, Jack, you may tell your friend to rejecť-Oh!
[She faints. that I have observed his frequent walks in our Bet. Bless my soul! my lady is gone!- Johu!
Will! Kitty! run bither this instant. Jack. Walks! Why, one should think he was
Enter Two Maids, and a Man Servant. Mrs. Cir. It would not only be against the
spirit, but the very letter ot' their constitution, to All. What, what's the matter?
choose you a member. Bet. Quick! quick! some hartshorn and wa Şir Luke. Ay, madam, how so! ter. (Pats her hand.] Madain! madam
Mrs. Cir. Their statutes are selected from all Serd. Here, here, here! [Bringing water. the codes that ever existed from the days of Ly
Bet. John, go for the potter-carrier this in- curgus to the present Czarina. stant-I believes to my soul she is dead-Kitty, Sir Luke. Well. fetch some feathers to burn under ber nose. - Mrs. Cir. The law that relates to your case There, stand further off, and giver her some air, they have borrowed from the Roman religion.
Sir Luke. As how?
Mrs. Cir. As no man can be admitted a monk, Sir Luke. Hey day! what the deuce is the who has the least corporeal spot or defect; so, no matter? What's the meaning of all this, Mrs. candidate can be received as a member, who is Betty?
deprived of the use of any one of his limbs. Bet.Oh, sir, is it you?-my poor lady ! [Cries.]
Sir Luke. Nay, then, indeed, I am clearly cut Clap the bottle hard to her nose.
out; that incapacity can never be got over. Sör Luke. But bow came it about?
Mrs. Cir. Indeed, the Serjeant says, if the club Bet. Some of the continents of that cursed could be induced to resolve in your favour, then letter she has there in her hand.
the original law would signify nothing. Sir Luke. Here, here, take some of my eau de
Sir Luke. Well, well, we'll see what can be luce.
[Offering a bottle. done. [A toud knocking.] But, hush! the comBet. There! she recovers a little-some wa pany's come; collect yourself, sweet Mrs. Cirter-I believe it is nothing but a satirical fit; I cuit; don't give your enemies the malicious pleahave had them myself— Now she opens her eyes sure of seeing how this disappointment affects -30, so—bend her forward a little. Sir Luke. My sweet Mrs. Circuit !
Mrs. Cir. Never fear; I know a little too Mrs. Cir, Who is that!
much of the world not to turn this defeat to my Bet. Nobody at all, madam, but only Sir credit. Luke. Mrs. Cir. Oh, Sir Luke, such a stroke, so fa
Enter COLONEL SECRET and Mrs. SIMPER. tal, so sudden! it is not in nature I should ever Mrs. Sim. Your servant, Sir Luke. My dear survive it.
Circuit, I am frightened to death-your people Sir Luke. Marry, Heaven forbid! But what tell me you are but just recovered from a cause--what could
Mrs. Cir. Oh! nothing at all! a faintness, a Mrs. Cir. Leave the room. [To the Servants, kind of swimming--but those people are ever who go out.] Only look over that letter. swelling mole-hills to mountains.
Sir Luke. Hum, hum—[Reads.] ' fit to reject Mrs. Sim. I protest I was afraid that you had you'-this
suffered your late disappointment to lay hold of Mrs. Cir. There, there, there !
your spirits ? Sir Luke. I own this is the utmost malice of Mrs. Cir. What disappointment, my dear? fortune-but let me finish the letter_This ca Col. Mrs. Simper hints at the little mistake lamity, dear Circuit, is of such a nature as made this morning at the Thatched House. baffles all advice or interposition of friends: I Mrs. Cir. That! ridiculous! I could have told shall therefore leave you to time and your own you that a fortnight ago, child -all my own good understanding.'—Pretty and sensible. doing. Yours, &c.' -But let us see, what says the
Mrs. Sim. How ! postscript? [Reads.]. Perhaps it may give you
Sir Luke. Entirely. some comfort to know, that you had sixteen ul Mrs. Cir. Oh, I always detested the thoughts monds, and but two raisins against you.' of the thing—They would put me up; let me say Mrs. Cir. But two !
what I would, so I was reduced to the necessity Sir Luke. No more.
of prevailing upon two of my friends to blackMrs. Cir. This must be Kitty Cribbage's do- ball me. ing; she has been tattling about the paltry trifle
Mrs. Sim. That indeed alters the case. I owe her.
Col. I am vastly happy to hear it; your old Sir Luke. Not unlikely: but come, bear up, acquaintances were afraid they should lose you. my dear madam, and consider, that two
Mrs. Cir. It is a sign they know but little of Mrs. Cir. Is as bad as two thousand. me—But come, my good folks, I have prepared Sir Luke. Granted; but perhaps it may not
a sınall collation in the next room; will yoube too late to repair. Gadso! I have thought of
(Ereunt. a scheme-I'll be elected myself, and then I
Enter Jack and WOODFORD. warrant we manage
Mrs. Cir. You, Sir Luke? than never can be. Jack. I'll watch, sister, to see that nobody
Sir Luke. No, madam; and why not?-Why, comes. Now, Woodford, make good use of your you don't suppose that they would venture tom. time. [Erit WOODFORD.] There, I have lett
them together; if I had staid, I don't believe say, but a commoner, no private gentlewoman's they would have opened their mouths for a gentlewoman has a more prettier set of acquaintmonth: I never saw such an alteration in a lad ance. since the day I was born. Why, if I had not Jack. Well, butknown him before, I should not have thought Bet. My routs indeed! There is Mrs. Alle he had a word to throw to a dog; but I reinem- spice, who lives with Lady Cicely Sequence, bas ber the old proverb.
six tables every Sunday, besides looers and brag
gers; and moreover, proposes giving a masqueTrue lovers are shy,
rade the beginning of June, and I intendsb eing When people are by.
Jack. Well, but to talk calmly. I'll take a peep to see how they go on:
on :- There Bet. And as miss is so fund of fetching and they are, just in the same posture I left them; carrying, you may tell her we are to have a prishe folding her fingers, and he twirling his hat. vate play among ourselves, as the quality have : Why, they don't even look at each other. Was the Distrustful Mother, 'tis called-Pylades, by there ever such a couple of Stay, stay, now Mr. Thomas, Lord Catastrophe's butler-Herhe opens his mouth--pshaw! Lord! there he mione, Mr. Allspice; and I shall do Andromache shuts it again-hush! I hear somebody coming myselt. no-uothing at all ;-Mother is safe, I am sure, Juck. A play ! Lord, Mrs. Betty, will you give there is no danger from her-Now let us take me a ticket? t'other [Peeps at the door.) Hum!-gadso, Bet. All's one for that—and so you may tell matters are mightily mended-There, there! miss that. [Bell rings.) Coming, madam, this very well—thcrc he lays down the law-Now he minute And that, Mr. John, is the long and claps his hand on his heart—vastly pretty, I vow the short on't. [Bell rings again.] Lord, I am - There he swops with both his knees on the coming
[Erit. ground-Charming! And squeezes his hat with both hands like one of the actors-Delightful!
Enter WOODFORD. She wants him to rise, and he won't_Prodigious Wood. What's the matter? moving, indeed!
Jack. Here, Betty, my mother's fac-totum, has
just discovered your haunts, and is gone to lay Enter Betty.
an information against you—so, depend upon it, Bet. So, sir, what are you doing there? a search-warrant will issue directly. Juck. There ! where?
Wood. Stay but a moment till Í take leave of Bet. With your eyes glewed close to the key- your sister. hole?
Jack. Zooks! I tell you the cop'tables will be Jack. I wanted to speak a word to my sister. here in a trice, so you have not a moment to Bet. Then why don't you open her door? lose. Jack. I did not know but she might be saying Wood. How unlucky this is !
Jack. But I hope you have obtained a verdict, Bet. Prayers ! a likely story! Who says their bowever? prayers at this time of the day! No, no; that Wood. No. won't pass upon me. Let me look-Very pretty! Jack. No! So, so, I see there's somebody else at his prayers Wood. It would not have been decent to have toomine doings ! As soon as the company pressed the judge to soon for a sentence. goes, I shall take care to inforın madam your
Juck. Soon! You are a ninoy, I tell you so : mother.
you will suffer judgment to go by default. Jack. Nay, but Mrs. Betty, you won't be som You are a pretty practitioner indeed!”
Bet. Indeed, Mr. John, but I shall-I'll swal Wood. This, you may know, my dear Jack, is low none of your secrets, believe me.
an equity case : I have but just filed my bill; Jack. What, perhaps your stomach is over one niusi give the parties time to put in an anloaded already?
Bet. No matter for that, I shall be even with Jack. Time! How you may come off in court miss for telling master about and concerning my I can't tell, but you will turn out but a poor drums.
chamber-counsel, I fear. Well, come along, perJack. Why, Mrs. Betty, surely sister could not-- haps I may be able to procure another hearing
Bet. When she very well knows that I have before it is-But, Lord o'mercy! there is father not sent cards but twice the whole season. crossing the ball should he see us, all's overJack. Lord ! what signi
we have nothing for't but taking shelter with Bet. What would she say, if she visited the sister.
(Eseunt. great families I do? For though I am, as I may
SCENE I.-A Room at SERJ EANI Circuit's. Mrs. Sim. Why, he is mad.
Mrs. Cir. Or turned fool. Sir Luke LIMP, Mrs. CIRCUIT, COLONEL SE
CRET, and Mrs. SIMPER, discovered at a tuble, Enter Sir LUKE, with the Serjeant's peruke on with u collation before them.
Mrs. Cir. Oh! by the by, Sir Luke-take Sir Luke. Now, madam, have I reason? Is some of these sweetmeats, my dear—[To Mrs. this your husband or not? SIMPER.]–Did not you promise to introduce me Mrs. Sim. It is he! not the least doubt can be to that little agreeable piece of imperfection made. that belongs to the opera ? Colonel, won't you Col. Yes, yes, it is the Serjeant himself. taste the Champaign?
Mrs. Cir. I own it; I acknowledge the lord of Sir Luke. Who, Signior Piano? Let me assist my wishes.
(Kisses the block. Mrs. Siinper. Why, madam, I made an attempt;
Mrs. Sim. All his features are there! hut at present-shan't I send you a biscuit - Col. The grave cast of his countenance ! he is in the possession of a certain lady, who ne
Sir Luke. The vacant stare of his eye! ver suffers him out of her sight for a moment. Mrs. Cir. The livid hue of his lips !
Mrs. Sim. Oh! the curmudgeon -I am vastly Mrs. Sim. The rubies with which his cheeks fond of these custards.
are enriched ! Sir Luke. Yes, they have a delicate flavour Col. The silent solemnity when he sits on the but he promised, if possible, to escape for an bench ! bour-won't you? [To Mrs. CIRCUIT.]
Mrs. Cir. We must have him at table ; but A[rs. Cir. No, it gives ine the heart-burn prav, good folks, let my husband appear like Then let us leave him a cover.
himself. I'll run for the gowo.
[Erit. Col. By all means in the world.
Mrs Sim. By all means in the world! M[rs. Čir. But there is, likewise, another party, Sir Luke. Dispatch, I bescech you! for whom a place ought to be kept.
Alrs. Sim. Another: who can that be, I won Enter Mus. Crecuit, with a gown und band. der? Mrs. Cir. A small appendix of mine.
Mírs. Cir. Sir Luke, lend your assistance. Sir Luke. How, madain!
Col. There, place him at the head of the Mrs. Cir. You need not be jealous, Sir Luke. table. Taste that tart, Mrs. Sinper. It is only my hus [They fix the head at the back of a chair, and band, the Serjeant-Ha, ha, ha! Beity makes place it at table; then all sit.] them herself.
Mrs. Sim. Madam, you'll take care of your Mrs. Sim. Oh! you abominable creature ! husband. how could such a tbought come into your head? Mrs. Cir. I don't want to be put in mind of
Sir Luke. Madam-[Offering sweetmeats to my duty. Mrs. SIMPER.]
* Mrs. Sim. Oh, madam! I know that very Mrs Sim. Not a bit more, I thank you. I well. swear and vow I should swoon at the sight. Sir Luke. Come, lIob or Nob, Mr. Circuit
Mrs. Cir. And I should receive hiin with the let us try if we can't fuddle the Serjeant. polite indifference of an absolute stranger. Col. Ó fye! have a proper respect for the
Sir Luke. Well said, my good Lady Intrepid ! coif. Bui, notwithstanding, I would venture a trifle, Mrs. Sim. Don't be too facetious, Sir Luke: that his appearance would give you such an elec- it is not quite so safe to sport with the heads of trical shock
the law; you don't know how soon you may
have Mrs. Cir. You are vastly deceived.
a little business together. Sir Luke. Dare you come to the proof? Will Sir Luke. But come, the Serjeant is sulky. I you give me leave to introduce Mr. Serjeant? have thought of a way to divert bim: You know He is not far off.
he is never so happy as when he is hearing a Mrs. Cir. What, my husband ?
cause: suppose we were to plead one before Sir Luke. Even he! I saw him as I entered him: Mrs. Circuit and I to be counsel, the Colothe hall.
nel the clerk, and Mrs. Simper the crier ? Mrs. Cir. Impossible !
Mrs. Cir. The finest thought in the world! Sir Luke. Nay, then I must fecth him. But, stay, to conduct the trial with proper so
(Exit Sir Luke. lemnity, let's rummage bis wardrohe; we shall Col. I can't conceive what the knight would there be able to equip ourselves with suitable be at