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Sir Luke. Allons ! allons!

Sir Luke. But let us to business. And, first Mrs. Sim. There is no time to be lost. for the sake of the case : The parties, you know,

[All rise. are Hobson and Nobson? The object of litigaMrs. Cir. [Stopping short as they are going tion is a small parcel of land, which is to decide out.] But won't my husband be angry, if we the fate of a borough. leave him alone? B'ye, dearee—we shall soon Mrs. Cir. True; called Turnbury Mead. return to thee again.

[Ereunt. Sir Luke. Very well. Then to bring matters Enter Sergeant Circuit, not perceiving the should on the premises cut down a tree, and

to a short issue, it was agreed, that Notsoa collation.

Hobson bring his action of damage. Ser. So, my lord, being able to sit, there Mrs. Cir. True, true. was no occasion for me. I can't put that girl's Sir Luke. The jury being, sworn and counnonsense out of my head-my wife is young, to sellors feed, the court inay proceed.—Take your be sure, and loves pleasure, I own; but as to seats—But hold, I hope no gentleman has beenthe main article, I have not the least ground to touched on both sides? suspect her in that-No, no !-And then, Sir All. Oh ! fye ! Luke! my prosian ami, the dearest friend I have Sir Luke. Let silence be called: in the-Heyday! [Seeing the collation.) What Mrs. Sim. Silence in the court! the deuce have we here?--A collation !-So, Sir Luke. But stop. To be regular, and pro30I see madam knows how to divert herself vide for fresh causes, we must take no notice during my absence. What's this [Seing the of the borough and lands, the real objects in view, block.] Oh, ho! ha, ha, ha!--Well, that's pretty but stick fast to the tree, which is of no imenough I protest–Poor girl ! I see she could not portance at all. be happy without having something at table that All. True, true. resembled me. How pleased she will be to find Sir Luke. Brother Circuit, you may proceed. me here in propria persona! By your leave, Mrs. Cir, Gentleman of the jury.--I am in Mrs. Circuit—(Sits down and eats.] Delicate this cause counsel for Hobson the plaintiff.eating, in troth-and the wine [Drinks.)– The action is brought against Nebuchadnezzar Champaign, as I live !--must have t’other glass Nobson, that he the said Nobson did cut down - They little think how that gentleman th a tree, value twopence, and to his own use said regales himself in their absence-Ha, ha, ha! tree did convert-Nobson justifics, and claims -quite convenient, I vow--the heat of the wea tree as his tree. We will, gentlemen, first state ther has inade me -Come brother coif, here's the probable evidence, and then come to the your health—[ Drinks.] I must pledge myselt I positive; and, first as to the probable. When believe-[Drinks again.]-Devilish strong was this tree here belonging to Hobson, and shut ! somebody's coming-{Gets up, and goes claimed by Nobson, cut down? was it cut down towards the wings.] What do I see ? Four law- publicly in the day, in the face of the sun, men, yers! What the devil can be the meaning of this ? I women and children, all the world looking on? should be glad to get at the bottom of–Heyday! -No; it was cut down privately, in the night, in By your leave, brother Serjeant-I must crave a dark night, nobody did see, nobody could see. the use of your robe_[Sits down, and gets under -Hum– And then with respect and regard to the gown.] Between ourselves, this is not the this tree, I am instructed to say, gentlemen, it first time this gown has covered a fraud.. was a beautiful, an ornamental tree to the spot Enter Sır Luke, Cojonel, Mrs. Circuit, any man would come for to go in the middle of

where it grew. Now, can it be thought that and Mrs SIMPER, dressed us Counsellors

the night, nobody seeing, nobody did see, nobody Sir Luke. Come, come, gentlemen dispatch, could see, and cut down a tree, which tree was the court has been waiting some time, Brother an ornamental tree, if tree had been his tree? --Circuit, you have looked over your brief? Certainly no.—And again, gentlemen, we more

Mrs. Cir. What, do you suppose, sir, tbat, over insist, this tree was not only ornamental to like some of our brethren, I defer that till I the spot where it grew, but it was a useful tree come into court ? No, no !

to the owner; it was a plumb-tree, not only a Sir Luke. This cause contains the whole mar-plumb-tree, but I ain authorised to say, the best row and pith of all modern practice.

of plumb-trees ; it was a damsiu plumb. Now Mrs. Cir. One should think, Sir Luke, you can it be thought, that any inan would come for had been bred to the bar.

to go, in the middle of the night, nobody seeing, Sir Luke. Child, I was soine years in the nobody did see, nobody could see, and cut down temple; but the death of my brotber robbed a tree; which was not only an ornamental tree, the robe of my labours.

but a useful tree; and not only a useful tree, but Mrs. Sim. What a loss to the public ! a plumb tree; and not only a plumb-tree, Sir Luke. You are smart, Mrs. Simper. I can but the best of plumb trees, a damsin plumb ? tell you Serjeant Shuffle, whose manner I stu- most assuredly no.-If so be then, that this be so, died; pronounced me a promising youth. and so it most certainly is, I apprehend no doubt Airs. Sim. I don't doubt it.

will remain with the court, but my client a vir


you toasted.

dict will have, with full costs of suit, in such a Ser. But, come! won't you refresh you, Sir manner, and so forth, as may nevertheless ap- Luke--you have hard duty to-day. pear notwithstanding.

Sir Luke. I drank very freely at table. Sir Luke. Have you done, Mr. Serjeant? Ser. Nay, for the matter of that, I han't been Mrs. Cir. You may proceed.

idle. (Both Drink.] But come, throw off your Sir Luke. Gentlemen of the jury-I am in gown, and let us finish the bottle : I han't had this cause counsel for Hob~ Zounds! I think such a mind to be merry I can't tell the day the head moves.

when. All. Hey!

Sir Luke. Nay, then, Mr. Serjeant, have at Col. No, no, Mrs. Simper jogged the chair you! Come, here's long life and health to the with her foot that was all.


Drinks. Sir Luke. For Hercules Hobson—(I could Ser. I'll pledge that toast in a bumper.. have sworn it had stirred)-1 shan't, gentlemen [Drinks. ]—I'll take Charlotte's hint, and see if upon this occasion, attempt to move your pas. I can't draw the truth out of the knight by a sions, by flowing periods and rhetorical flowers, bottle.

[ Aside. as Mr. Serjeant has done; no, gentlemen, if I Sir Luke. I'll try if I can't fuddle the fool, and get at your hearts, I will make my way through get rid of himn that way.

[Aside. your heads however thick they may be.-In or Ser. I could not have thought it: why, where der to which, I will pursue the learned gentle- the deuce did you pick up all this ? But by the man through what he calls his probable proofs: by, pray who was the crier? and first, as to this tree's being cut down in the Sir Luke. Did not you know her? Mrs. Simnight; in part we will grant him that point, but, per, your neighbuur. under favour, not a dark night, Mr. Serjeant; Ser. A pestilent jade! she's a good one, I no, quite the reverse; we can prove that the warrant. moon shone bright, with uncommon lustre, that Sir Luke. She is thought very pretty : what night, so that it so be as how people did not see, say you to a glass in her favour? that was none-[SERGEANT Sneezes.] Nay, Mirs. Ser. By all means in the world ! [They drink.] Circuit, if you break the thread of my

And that spark the clerk?
Mrs Cir. Me break ! I said nothing I'm Sir Luke. Colonel Secret, a friend to the lady
Sir Luke. That's true,


Ser. A friend ! oh, ay, ay-I understand youMrs. Cir. Not I.

Come let us join them together. Sir Luke. I am sure somebody did ; it could Sir Luke. Allons ! (Drinks.] Egad, I shall not be the head—consider the least interruption be caught in my own trap! I begin to feel myputs one out of one's—None of our faults, they self Austered already.

[Aside. might have looked on, and seen if they would. Ser. Delicate white wine, indeed! I like it And then as to this beautiful tree, with which better every glass.

Sings. Mr. Serjeant has ornamented his spot-no, gentlemen, no such matter at all; I am instructed

Drink and drive care away, to say quite the reverse : a stunted tree, a blight

Drink and be merry. ed blasted tree; a tree not limbless, and leafless, but very near lifeless; that was the true state Sir Luke, True, my dear Serjeant—this is the of the tree; and and then us to its use, we own searcher of secrets--the only key to the heart. it was a plumb-tree indeed, but not of the kind Ser. Right boy, in veritas vino. Mr. Serjeant sets forth, a damsin plumb; our Sir Luke. No deceit in a bumper. [Sings. proots say loudly a bull-plumb; but if so be, Drink and be merry. and it had been a damsin plumb, will any man go Ser. Merry! damme, what a sweet fellow for to say, that a damsin plumb is the best kind you are ! what would í give to be half so jolly of plumb not a whit. I take upon me to say. and gay ! it is not a noun substantive plumb-with pleniy Sir Luke. (Appearing very drunk.] Would of sugar it does pretty well indeed in a tart; but you? and yet do you know, Serjeant, that at to eat it by itself

, will Mr. Serjeant go to coin this very juncture of time, there is a thing has pare it with the queen-mother, the padrigous.- popped into my head, thai distresses me very

Ser. (Appearing suddenly from under the much. gown.] The green gages, or orlines?

Ser. Then drive it out with a bumper (Drink.] Mrs. Cir. As I live 'tis my husband ! Well, how is it now?

Ser. Nay, Sir Luke, don't you run away,too Sir Luke. Now the matter is not mended give be a buss—since I was born, I never heard at all. a finer reply; I am sorry. I did not hear your Scr. What the deuce is the business that so argument out—but I could not resist.

sticks in your stomach? Sir Luke. This, I own, was a little surprise Sir Luke. You know, my dear Serjeant, I am Had you been long here, Mr. Serjeant? your friend, your real, your affectionate friend. Ser. But the instant you entered.

Ser. I believe it, Sir Luke. Sir Luke. So, then, all is safe. [ Aside. Sir Luke. And yet for these six months I

have concealed a secret, that touches you near, Ser. Ay, indeed? very near

Sir Luke. Oh! fact ! there is not the least Šer. Me near! That was wrong, very wrong! doubt of the matter; this is no hearsay, d'ye friends should have all things in coinmon. see; I was by all the while.

Sir Luke. That's what I said to myself; Sir Ser. Very pretty! very fine, upon my word! Luke, says I, open your heart to your friend. Sir Luke. Was in my fault? what could I do? But to tell you the truth, what sealed up my lips, put yourself in my place; I must have bcen was the fear that this secret should make you more or less than man to resist. sulky and sad.

Ser. Your fault, Sir Luke! no, no—you did but Ser. Me sulky and sad! ha! ha! how little your duty-But as to my wifeyou know of me!

Sir Lulie. She's a diabolical fiend; I shall hate Sir Luke. Swear, then, thou won't be uneasy. her as long as I live. Ser. Well, I do.

Ser. And I too. Sir Luke. (Rising.) Soft! let us see that all's Sir Luke. Only think of her forcing me, as it safe. Weil, Mr. Serjeant, do you know that you were with my sword at my breast, to play such are-a fine, honest fellow.

a trick; you, my dear Serjeant, the best, truest Ser. Is that such a secret?

friend I have in the world!

[Weeps. Sir Luke. Be quiet ; a damned honest fellow Ser. [Weeping.] Dry your tears, dear Sir Luke; -but as to your wife

I shall ever gratefully acknowledge your confiSer. Well?

dence in trusting me with the secret-[Taking Sir Luke, She is an infamous strum

him forward.) But I think it might be as well Ser. How! it is a falsehood, Sir Luke! my wife kept from the rest of the world. is as virtuous a wom

Sir Luke. My dear soul, do you think I would Sir Luke. Oh ! if you are angry, your servant tell it to any mortal but you? No, no, not to my

I thought that the news would have pleased brother himseif-You are the only man upon you-for, after all, what is the business to me! earth I would trust. What do I get by the bargain?

Ser. Ten thousand thanks, my dear friend! Ser. That's true; but then, would it not vex sure there is no comfort, no balsam in life like any man to hear his wife abused in such a a friend--but I suall make Madam Circuit re

Sir Luke. Not if its true, you old fool! member

Ser. I say, it is false: prove it; give me that Sir Luke. We neither of us ought to forgive satisfaction, Sir Luke.

her~Where I you, I'd get a divorce. Sir Luke. Oh! you shall have that pleasure Ser. So I will provided you will promise not directly; and to come at once to the point-you to marry her after. remember last New-year's Day how severely it

Sir Luke. Me! I'll sooner be torn to pieces froze?

by wild horses—No, my dear friend, we will reSer. I do recollect.

tire to my house in the country together, and Sir Luke. Very well; we were all invited to there, in innocence and simplicity, feeding our dine at Alderman Inkle's.

pigs and pigeons, like Pyramus and Thisbe, ne Ser. Very right.

will live the paragon of the age. Sir Luke. Well, and I did not go : Mrs. Cir Ser. Agreed ; we will be the whule earth to cuit made me dine here in this house-Was it each other; for, as Mr. Shakespur says, Ser. No, no, Sir Luke, no.

“The friend thou hast, and his adoption tried, Sir Luke. At table, says she-she said, I was Clasp to thy soul, and quit the world beside.' the picture of you—Was it my

fault? Ser. Well, and suppose you are? where's the Sir Luke. Zouns, here comes Madam Serjeant mischief in that?

herself! Sir Luke. Be quiet, I tell you.-Then, throwing her arms round iny neck-it is my husband

Entor Mrs. CIRCUIT. himself I embrace; it is my little old man that I kiss for she has a prodigious affection for Mrs. Cir. So, gentleman! a sweet tete-a-tete you at bottom-Was it my fault?

you have been bolding—But I know it all; not a Ser. But what is there serious in this ? dost syllable you have said has been lost. think I mind such trifles?

Sir Luke. Then I hope you have been well Sir Luke. Hold your tongue, you fool, for a entertained, Mrs. Circuit? moment—Then, throwing her teresa aside-upon Mrs. Cir. And you, you mean spirited, dasmy soul she is prodigious fine every where here tardly wretch, to lend a patient ear to his inWas it my fault?

famous, improbable tales, equally shameful both Ser. My fault! my fault ! I see no fault in all to you and me! this.

Šer. How, madam? have you the assurance Sir Luke. [Hatching a cry.]-No! why then, Mrs. Cir. Yes, sir, the assurance that inmy dear friend, do you know that I was so un nocence gives. There is not a soul, I thank worthy, so profligate, so abandoned—as 10- heaven, that can lay the least soil, the least spot, Rises.] say no inore, the business is done. on my virtue ; nor is there a man on cartlı, but

my fault?

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yourself would have sat, and silently listened to , Kingston, of a new pair of silk stockings, and to the fictions and fables of this intemperate sot.

learn me a miouet. Ser. Why, to be sure, the knight is overtaken Sir Luke. Me! I should never have got you a little ; very near drunk.

to turn out your toes. Sir Luke. I hope he believes it's a lie. [ Aside. Jack. Ay, and moreover, you made me push

Mrs. Cir. Do me instant justice on this defa- out my chest, aud do so with my fingers, as if I mer, this liar, or never more expect to see me was taking two pinches of snuff. in your house.

Sir Luke. You see, Mr. Serjeant, what a fondSer. I begin to find out the fraud ; this is all ness I have for every twig of your family. a flam of the knight's!

Ser. I shall thank you hereafter-But from Mrs. Cir. I'll drive this instant to a friend of you, Charlotte, I expected other guessmine in the Cominors, and see if no satis Char. When, sir, you hear this whole matter faction can be had, for blasting the reputation explained, you will acquit me I am sure. of a woinan like me--And, hark you, sir, what Wood. Indeed, sir, I am wholly to blame; my inducement, what devil could prompt

being here was as much a surprise upon Miss Ser. Ay; what devil could prompt

Charlotte as Sir Luke. Heyday!

Ser. But now you are here, pray what's your Mrs. Cir. But I guess at your motive; you business? flattered yourself, that, by marrying Charlotte, Jack. O ! father, I can acquaint you with that and discarding of me, you should engross all his —he wanted me to bring a love-letter to Charaffections and

lotte; so I told him he might bring it himself, for Ser. True, true -Stop, my life, let me come that I would not do any such thing for never so at him a little: Hark you, Mr. Knight? I begin much, for fear of offending you. to discover that you are a very sad dog.

Ser. You mended the matter, indeed -But, Sir Luke. Et tu, Brute !

after all, who, and what are you? Ser. Brute !-you'll find I am not the brute Jack. It's the young gentleman that lives you would have made me believe I have over our heads, to whom Mr. Fairplay is guarconsidered both sides of the question.

dian. Sir Luke. Both sides of the question!

Ser. Who, Woodford? Ser. Both. If your story is true, you are a

Jack. The same. scoundrel to debauch the wife of your friend; Ser. And are you, young man, in a situation and if it is false, you are an infainous liar. to think of a wife? Sir Luke. Well argued!

Wood. I am Aattered, sir, that as justice is Ser. So, in both cases, get out of my house! with me, I shall one day have no contemptible Sir Luke. Nay, but, Serjeant

fortune to throw at her feet. Ser. Troop, I tell you, and never again enter Ser. Justice is! What signifies justice? --Is these walls -you have libelled my wife, and I the law with you, you fool? will see you no more.

Wood. With your help, sir, I should liope for Sir Luke. Was there ever such a

their union, upon this occasion at least. Ser. March! And as to my daughter, I would Ser. Well, sir, I shall reconsider your papers ; as soon marry her to a forma pauperis client. and if there are probable grounds, I may be in

(E.rit Sie Luke. duced to liear your proposals. Mrs. Cir. Do you consider, Mr.Circuit,where Wood. Nay then, sir, the recovering my patcryou are pushing the fellow ? - That chamber nal possessions makes me anxious indeed. is Chariotte's.

Could I hope that the young lady's good wishes

would attend me? Enter Sir LUKE, WOODFORD, CHARLOTTE, and

Char. I have a father, and can have no will of Jack.

my own. Sir Luke. Heyday! who the deuce have we Sir Luke. So, then, it seems poor Pil Garlick bere –Pray walk in, my good folks—Your ser-here is discarded at once! vanı, Miss Charlotte ; your servant, Mr. What Ser. Why, could you have the impudence, dy'e-call-um.-Mr. Serjeant, you need not trou- after what has happened to hope thatble yourself to cater for Miss ; your family, you Mrs. Cir. He has given wonderful proofs of see, can provide for themselves.

his modesty, Ser. Heyday! What the deuce is all this? Sir Luke. Be quiet, Mrs. Circuit-Come, good Who are you, sir, and how came you here? folks, I will set all matters to right in a minute;

[To Woodford. and first, Mr. Serjeant, it becomes me to tell you, Jack. It was I, father, that brought him. that I never intended to marry your daughter. Ser. How, sirrah !

Ser. How ! never! Sir Luke. Well said, my young limb of the law! Sir Luke. Never. She is a fine girl, I allow : Jack. Come, let us have none o'your—though but would it now, Mr. Serjeant, have been hoI brought Mr.Woodford, you could not persuade nest in me, to have robbed the whole sex of my me to do the same office for you—Father, never person, and confined my favours to her ? stir if he did not make me the proffer, if I would Ser. Now! let him into the house the night you was at

Sir Luke. No! I was struck with the im

morality of the thing; and therefore, to make it Sir Luke. See ine here prostrate to implore impossible that you should ever give me your your clemency in behalf of my friend. daughter, I invented the story I told you con Mrs. Cir. Of that I can't determine directly, cerning Mrs. Circuit and me.

-But as you seem to have some sense of your Ser. How !

guilt, I shall grant you a reprieve for the preSir Luke. Truth, upon any honour. Your sent, which contrition and amendment may, wife there, will tell you the wbole was a lie. perhaps, in time swell into a pardon :

Ser. Nay, then, indeed -But with what face can I look up to my dear? I have injured But if again offending you are caught ! her beyond the hopes of forgiveness.—Would, Ser. Then let me suffer, dearee, as I ought. you, lovee, but pass an act of oblivion

(Exeunt omnes.

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