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SCENE I.-The Bear Inn, Bath. thou ca'st not zee for thy eyes-here, take the
candle and light the gentlefolk in. Enter FILLUP.
Enter John. Fil. Why, John Roger, Raphy, Harry Buckle! what a dickens are become of the lads? Can't
John. Carry a couple of candles into the you bear?-Zure, zure, these whelps are enow
[Exit Waiter. to make a man mazed !
Fil. John, who is it be a come?
John. Major Racket, in a chay and four, from
the Devizes. All. Coming, sir.
Fil. What, the young youth, that last zeason Fil. Coming ! ay, zo be Christmass, I think-carried away we'un Mrs. Muzlinzes prentice? where be'st the gwain, boy? What, I reckon John. Miss Patty Prim from the grove.
Fil. Ay, zure-thee dost know her well | little tender for zure, but I warrant un he'll
mak a shift to hobble into the room. John. The same.
[Erit. Fillup. Fil. Zure, zure! then we shall have odd do Rac. Well, Jack, and how fares it with you? ings by and by: he's a deadly wild spark thee you have throve, I hope, since I saw you? dost know
John. Tlırove! no, no, sir; your honour knows John. But as good a customer as comes to the that during the summer, taverns and turnspits Bear.
have but little to do at Bath. Fil. That's zure enongh : then, why dost not Rac. True; but what is becoine of your colrun and light them in ? Stay, gy I the candle, I league, honest Ned? I hope he has not quitted woole go, and light 'em ia myzelf.
John. The share he had in your honour's inRacket without.
trigue with Miss Prim, soon made this city too
hot for poor Ned. Rac. Give the post-boys half a guinea between Rac. Then why did not the fool go to London them.
with me! The feilow has humour, spirit, and John. Ay, there is some life in this chap! these sings a good song. I intended to have recomare your guests that give spirit to Bath: your mended hin to one of the theatres. parylytical people, that come down to be par John. Why, sir, Ned himself had a bias that boiled and pumped, do no good, that I know, to way: but bis uncle, alderman Surcingle the the town, unless indeed to the physical tribe. saddler, a piece of a puritan, would not give his How I hate to see an old fellow hobble into the consent. house, with bis feet wrapt in flannel, pushing Rac. Why not? forth his fingers like a cross in the bands to John. He was afraid that kind of life might point out the different roads on a common corrupt or endanger Ned's morals; so be has hush !
set hinn up in a bagnio at the end of Long
Rac. Nay, if the fellow falls after such a se
curityFil. I hope, mester, you do zee your way; Sir Chr. [Without.] At what a rate the rasthere be two steps you do know; well, zure, i cal is running; Zounds! I believe the fellow be heartily glad to see your bonour at Bath. thinks I can foot it as fast as Eclipse; slower
Rac. I thank you, my bonest friend Fillup; and beWhere is this rakely rautipole?what, have you many people in town?
Jack, set me a chair. So, sir ; you must posFil. There ben't a power, please your honour, sess a good share of assurance to return to this at present; soine ziek folk, that do no sort of town after the trick you have played—Fillup, zarvis, and a few layers that be come off a zir-fetch in the punchcuit, that's all. Rac. Birds of passage, ha, Fillup?
Enter SiR CHRISTOPHER CRIPPLÉ, FILLUP, John. True, sir; for at the beginning of term,
and Peter POULTICE. when the wookcocks come in, the others fly off. Rac. Are you there, honest Jack ?
Well you ungracious young dog, and what is beJohn. And happy to see your honour income of the wench ? 'Poor Patty! and here too town.
my reputation is ruined, as well as the girl's. Rac. Well, master Fillup, aud how go you on? Rac. Your reputation ! that's a good jest. -Any clubs fixed as yet ?
Sir Chr. Yes, sirrahı, it is; and all owing to Fil
. No, zir, not to zay fixed; there be par- my acquaintance with you ; I, forsooth, am callson Pulruddock from the Land's End ; Master ed your adviser ! as if your contriving head and Evan Thomas, a Welch attorney, two Bris:ol profligate heart stood in need of any assistance men, and a few port drinking people that dine from me. every day in the Lion; the claret club ben't ex Rac. Well, but my dear sir Kit, how can this pected down till the end of next week. idle stuff affect you?
Rac. Any body in the house that I know? Sir Chr. How? easy enough; I will be Fil. Yes, zure-behind the bar, there be sir judged now by Poultice--Peter, speak the truth; Christopher Cripple, fresh out of a fit of the before this here blot in my escutcheon, have you gout, drinking a drop of punch along wi mester not observed when I went to either a ball or Peter Poultice, the potter carrier on the Pa- breakfasting, how eager all the girls gathered rade.
round me, gibing, and joking, and giggling; gad Rac. The gazettes of Bath, the very men 1 take me, as facetious and free as if I were their want; give my coinpliinents to the gentlemen, father. and tell them I should be glad of their company Poul. Nothing but truth. but perhaps it may be troublesome for sil Fil. That's truth, to my zertain knowledge, Christopher?
for I have zeen the women folk tittering till they Fil. No, no, not at all; at present he is a were ready to break their zides when your ho
pour was throwing your double tenders about.
Sir Chr. True, honest Fillup-before your Rac. Well, then, my dear sir Christopher, acurst affair, neither maid, widow, or wife was dieu! but, if we must part, let us part as friends ashamed of conversing with me: but now, when should, not with dry lips, and in anger; Fillup, I am wheeled into the room, not a soul under take care of the knight. (FILLUP fills the glassseventy will venture within ten yards of my es.] Well, faith, my old croney, I can't say but chair; I am shunned worse than a leper in the I am heartily sorry to lose you ; many a brave days of king Lud; an absolute hermit in the batch have we broached in our time. midst of a croud. Speak, Fillup, is not this a Sir Chr. True, Tom ; true! melancholy truth?
Rac. Don't you remember the bout we had at Fil. Very inolycholly zure.
the Tuns, in ihe days of Plump Jack? I shall Sir Chr. But this is not all; the crop-eared never forget, aiter you had felled old Falstaff culls of the city have taken into their empty with a pint bumper of burgundy, how you beheads to neglect me; formerly Mr. Mayor could strode the prostrate bero, and in his own manner not devour a custard, but I received a civil card cried, ' Crown me, ye spirits, that delight in geto partake; but, now the rude rascals, in their nerous wine! bushy bobs, brush by me without deigning to Sir Chr. Vanity, mere vanity, Tom! nothing bow; in short, I do not believe I have had a but vanity! corporation crust in my mouth for these six Rac. And then, another day at the but months. You might as well expect a minister replenish, Fillup; the bowl is not empty. of state at the Mansion House, as see me at one
Sir Chr. Enongh, enough! of their feasts.
Rac: What, don't flinch, man! it is but to fiFil. His honour tells no:hing but truth. nish the-Come, sir Christopher, oue tender
Sir Chr. So that I ain almost famislıcd as squeeze ! well as forsaken.
Sir Chr. Take care of my hand: none of Fil. Quite famished, as a body may zay, mes- your old tricks, you young dog! ter.
Rac. Gentle as the lick of a lap-dog ! there Sir Chr. Oh ! Tom, Tom, you have been a What a clock is it Fiilup? cursed acquaintance to me! what a number of Fill. I'll tell you, mester, (Looks on his watch.) fine turtle and fat haunches of venison has your just turned a zix wickedness lost ine!
Rac. So soon ! hang it sir Kit ! it is too early Rac. My dear sir Kit, for this I merit your to part; come, what say you to one supper thanks; how oftep bas Dr. Carawitchet told you, more? but one to the sacred feelings of friendthat your rich food and champaigne would pro- ship--bonest Fillup knows your taste, he will duce nothing but poor health and real pain? toss you up å Sir Chr. What signifies the prattle of such a Sir Chr. Not a morsel, Tom, if you
would punning puppy as he! What, I suppose you give me the universe. would starve me, you scoundrel? When I am got Rac. Poh, man! only a Sandwich or soout of one fit, how the devil am I to gather Fillup, what hast got in the house? strength to encounter the next? Do you think Fill. A fainois John Dorey, two pair of soles, it is to be done by sipping and slopping? [Drinks.] and there be a joint of Lansdown mutton; and, But no matter; look you, major Racket, all be then, you do know, my Molly be vamous in matween us is now at an nd; and sir, 1 should king inarrow-puddings. consider it as a particular favour, if you would Rac. A fine bill of fare ! Come, knight, what take no further notice of me; I sincerely desire do you choose ? to drop your acquaintance; and, as for myself, Sir Chr. Me! why you seem to have forgot I am fixed, positively fixed, to reform.
what I told you just now Rac. Retorm- ha, ha!
Rac. Your design to reform
-not at all Sir Chr. Reform! and why not? you shall and I think you quite right; perfectly so, as I see, the whole city shall see; as soon as ever I hope to be saved; hut what needs all this hurry? get to my lodginys, I will send for Luke Lattitat to-morrow is a new day; it will then be earand Codicil, and inake a handsome bequest to y enough-Fillup, send us in just what you the hospital.
will. Rac. Stuff!
Sir Chr. You are a coaxing, cajoling young Sir Chr. Then I am resolved to be carried dog. Well, if it must be so, Fillup, it must; Fillevery day to the twelve o'clock prayers, at the up, get me an anchovy toast, and—Jo you hear Abbey, and regularly twice of a Sunday. -and a red herring or two, for my stomach is Rac. Ha, ha, ha!
damnably weak. Sir Chr. Ha, ha, ha! you may laugh, but I'll Fi/l. I shall, to be zure.
[Erit, be damned if I don't ! and, if all this don't reco Rac. So, that's settled-now, Poultice, cume ver my credit, I am determined, besides, to hire forward : well, my blades, and what news have a house in Harlequin-Row, and be a constant you stirring sumongst you? hearer at the countess's chapel
Poul. Except a little run of sore throats about Rac. And so, perhaps, turn out a field preach- the beginning of autumn), and a few feeble fel er in time!
lows, that diopt off with the leaves of October, Sir Chr, I don't know but I may,
the town is intolerable
Rac. Pox of the dead and the dying! but, hard, with the opportunities that this place will what amusements bave you got for the living? afford, if in less than a month I don't
Poul. There is the new play-house, you Sir Chr. This place! why you don't think know
he'll trust her here for an hour? Rac. True; but as to the musical world, what Rac. low ! hopes have we there? any of the opera people a Sir Chr. Not a moment; the scheme is all mong you: apropos—what is become of my lit- settled; the rumbling old family-coach carries tle flaine, La Petit Rosignole, the lively little ber immediately from the church door to his Linnet? is she still
moated, haunted old house in the country. Sir Chr. Lost, totally lost!
Rac. Indeed! Rac. Lost! what, left you? I am sorry for Sir Chr. Where, besides the Argus bimself, that.
she will be watched by no less than two brace Sir Chr. Worse, worse !
of his sisters, four as malicious, musty old maids, Rac. I hope she an't dead?
as ever were soured by solitude, and the neglect Sir Chr. Ten thousand times worse than all of the world. that.
Rac. A guard not to be corrupted or cozened. Rac. How the deuce can that be?
Why, Sir Christopher, in a christian country, this Sir Chr. Just going to be buried alive-to be must not be suffered—What! a miserable tatmarried!
tered old fellow like him to monopolize such a Rac. Poh! is that all! That ceremony was, tempting creature as her! indeed, formerly looked upon as a kind of me Sir Chr. A diabolical plan! taphysical grave, but the system is changed, and Rac. Besiden, the secluding and immuring a marriage is now considered as an entrance to a girl possessed of her elegant talents, is little betnew and better kind of life,
ter than robbing the world. Sir Chr. Indeed !
Sir Chr. Infamous! worse than a rape! but Rac. Pshaw! who talks now of the Irudgery where are the means to prevent
it? of domestic duties, of nuptial chains, and of Rac. Much might be done, if you would lend bonds-mere obsolete words; they did well e us your aid. nough in the dull days of Queen Bess; but a Sir Chr. Me! of what use can I-and so, anodern lass puts on fetters to enjoy the more you rascal, you want to employ me again as freedom, and pledges her faith to one, that she your pimp? may be at liberty to bestow her favours on all. Rac. You take the thing wrong; I only wish
Sir Chr. What vast improvements are daily you to stand forth, my dear knight, and, like mymade in our morals ! what an unfortunate dog self, be the protector of innocence, and a true am I, to come into the world at least half a cen- friend to the public. tury too soon! what would I give to be boru Sir Chr. A true friend to the public! a fine twenty years hence! there will be damned fine stalking horse that! but I fear, like other predoings, then, hey, Tom ! But I'ın afraid our tenders, Tom, when your own private purpose is poor little girl won't have it in her power to pro- served, the poor public will be left in the lurch : fit by these prodigious improvements.
but, however, the poor girl does deserve to be Rac. Why not?
saved, and if I could do any thing not inconsistSir Chr. Oh, when once you hear the name ent with
iny plan of reforming
Ruc. That was spoke like yourself -upon Rac. Who is it?
what terms are you and Flint at present? Sir Chr. An acquaintance of yours--only Sir Chr. Oil and vinegar are not so oppothat old fusty, shabby, shuttling, money-loving, site. water-drinking, mirth-marring, amorous Rac. Poultice, you smoke a pipe with him hunks, Master Solomon Flint.
sometimes; pray, who are your party? Rac. He, that enjoys-I mean, owns, half Poul. Mynheer Sour Crout, Monsieur de Jarthe farms in the country?
sey, the port manufacturer, Billy Button, the taiSir Chr. He, even he!
lor, Master Flint, and I, most evenings take a Rac. Why, he is sixty at least; what a filthy whiff here. old goat ! but, tben, how does this design suít Rac. Are you all in bis confidence on this with his avarice? the girl bas vo fortune.
Sir Chr. No more than what her talents will Poul. Upon this case we have had consulta. give her.
tions: but Billy Button is first in his favour; he Rac. Why, the poltroon does not mean to likes his prescription the best. profit by them?
Rac. From this quarter we must begin the atSir Chr. Perhaps, if his family should chance tack. Could we not contrive to convene this ilto increase-but I believe his main motive is lustrious senate to-night? the hopes of an heir.
Poul. I should think easily enough. Rac. For which he must be indebted to some Rac. But before you meet here? of his neighbours; in that point of light, indeed, Poul. Without doubt. the matter is not so much amiss; it is impossible Rac. My dear Poultice, will you undertake she can be fond of the fellow; and it is very I the cominission?.
of her partner:
Poul. I will feel their pulses, to oblige Sirbut-the gentlemen within-stay-who have we Christopher Cripple.
here--Ah, my old friend Master ButtonSir Chr. But, Peter, dost really think this rash fool is deterinined ?
Enter BUTTON. Poul. I believe, Sir Christopher, he is firmly Put. Your worship is welcome to town—but persuaded, that nothing will allay this uncom- where is Sir-Oh-I understood as how your mon heat in his blood, but swallowing the pill bonour had sent for me all in a hurry. I should matrimonial.
have brought the patterns before, it I had them; Rac. We must contrive at least to take off the worst of my enemies can't say but Billy Butthe gilding, and see what effect that will have on ton is punctual; here they be! I received thein his courage.
[Erit Poultice. to-night by Wiltshire's waggon, that flies in eight Sir Chr. Well, major, unfold; what can days. you mean by this meeting?
Sir Chr. To-morrow, Billy, will do; take a seat. Rac. Is it possible you can be at a loss, you, But. I had rather standwho have so long studied mankind!
Sir Chr. I wanted to talk to you upon anoSir Chr. Explain.
ther affair -what, I suppose, you are Rac. Can't
you conceive what infinite strug- very busy at present? gles must have been felt by this fellow', before he But. Vast busy, your honour. could muster up courage to engage in this dread Sir Chr. This marriage, I reckon, takes up ful, perilous state? How often have you heard most of your time? the proverbial puppy affirm, that marriage was But. Your honour? fishing for a single eel among a barrel of snakes? Rac. Miss Linnet, and your old master Flint What infinite odds, that you laid bold of the you know. eel, and then a million to one but he slipt But, Oh, ay! but the squire does not intend through your fingers?
to cut a dash till the spring. Sir. Chr. True, true!
Sir Chr. No! nothing happened? I hope Rac. Can't you, then, guess what will be his affairs are all boxed? feelings and fears, when it comes to the push? But. As a rock ; I am sure now, it cannot Do you think the public opinion, bis various fail; because why I have peremptory orders to doubts of himself, and of her, the pride of his scour and new live the coachnan and footinan's family, and the loud claims of avarice, his ruling old frocks; and am, besides, to turn the lace, passion till now, won't prove near an equipoise and fresh button the suit his honour made up to his love?
twenty years ago comes next Lent, when he was Sir Chr. Without doubt.
sheriff for the county. Rac. At the critical period, won't the concur Rac. Nay, then, it is determined. ring advice of all his associates, think you, de But. Or he would never have gone to such an stroy the balance ai once?
expence. Sir Chr. Very probably, Tom, I confess. Sir Chr. Well, Billy! and what is your pri
Rac. As to our engines, there is no fear of vate opinion, after all, of this match? them. Billy Button you have under your thuinb; But. It is not becoming, your honour knows, I'll purchase a pipe of port of De Jarsey, and for a tradesman like me to give his we are sure of old Sour Crout for a hamper of Rac. Why not? don't you think now, Billy, it hock.
is a bold undertaking for a man at his time of lite? Sir Chr. Right, right; but, after all, what is But. Why, to be sure, his honour is a little to become of the girl? Come, Tom, l'll have no stricken in years, as a body may say; and take foul play shown to her.
all the care that»ne can, time will wear the nap Rac. Her real happiness is part of my project. from even superfine cloth: stitches tear, and ci
bows will out, as they say. Enter FILLUP.
Sir Chr. And besides, Bill, the bride's a Fill. Here be Mynheer Sour Crout and Mon- mere baby! seer De Jarsey a come.
But. Littte better, your honour! but she is a Sir Chr. We will attend thein-only think, light bit of stuff, and I am confident will turn Tom, what a villain you will be to make me the out well in the wearing---I once had some secret instrument of any more mischief! thoughts myself of taking measure ot' miss. Rac. Never fear.
Rac. Indeed! Sir Chr. Particularly, too, now I am fixed to But. Yes; and, to my thinking, had made a reforın.
pretty good progress; because, why, at church Rac. It would be criminal in the highest de- of a Sunday, she suffered me to look for the lesgree.
sons, and moreover, many time and oft we have Sir Chr. Ay, rot, your hypocritał face! 1 sung psalms out of the very same book. am half afraid, Tom, to trust you ; I'll be hang Ruc. That was going a great way. ed, if you han't some wicked design yourself on But. Nay, besides and more than all that, she the gırl; but, liowever, I waslı my hands of the has, at this precious minute of time, a pincushion guilt.
by her side of my own presentation. Rac. My dear knight, don't be so squeamish; Ruc. Ay! and how came the treaty broke off?