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locksmith in England-s0, so! [Forces the door, Sim. O Lud! this is charming-Hush! I am and goes in.)
[Going. Sim. He's at his plays again. Odds my heart, Dich. Well, but hark'e, Simon, come hither; he's a rare hand! he'll go through with it, I'll what
you about you, Master Mac warrant him ! Old Codjer must not smoke that I thew ? have any concern. I must be main cautious, Sim. But a tester, sir. Lord bless his heart ! he's to teach me to act Dick. A tester!That's something of the Scrub. He begun with me long ago, and I got least, Master Mathew ; let's see it. as far as the Jesuit, before a went out of town: Sin. You have bad fifteen sixpences now-Scrub! Coming, sir. Lord, ma'am, I've a
Dick. Never mind that, I'll pay you all at my whole packet full of news—some say one thing, benefit. and some say another ; but, for my part, ma'am Sim. I don't doubt that, master
but mum. -I believe he's a Jesuit.'-that's a main pleasant
[Exit. -I believe he's a Jesuit.
Dick. Thus far we run before the wind. An
apothecary! make an apothecary of me!-what! Enter Dick.
cramp my genius over a pestle and mortar, or Dick. I have done the deed didst thou not mew me up in a shop, with an alligator stuft, hear a noise 8
and a beggarly account of empty boxes !-to be Sim. No, master; we're all snug.
culling simples, and constantly adding to the Dick. This coat will do charmingly! I have bills of mortality "No, no! It will be much betbilked the old fellow nicely !- In a dark corner ter to be pasted up in capitals, “The part of of his cabinet, I found this paper ; what it is Romeo, by a young gentleman, who never apthe light will shew.
peared on any stage before !My ambition I promise to pay-ha!
fires at the thought —But hold-inayn't I 'I promise to pay to Mr. Moneytrap, or order, run some chance of failirg in my attempt—hisson deinand'—'tis his hand, a note of his; yet more ed-pelted-laughed at—not admitted into the -the sum of seven pounds fourteen shillings and Green-room That will never do-Down, sevenpence, value received by me.'-London; busy devil, down ! down ! -Try it again :-loved this 15th June, 1755—'Tis wanting what should by the women, envied by the men, applauded by follow ; his name should follow, but 'tis torn off the pit, clapped by the gallery, admired by the --because the note is paid.
boxes. Dear colonel, is not he a charming creaSim. O Lord! Dear sir, you'll spoil all ture? My lord, don't you like him of all things? I wish we were well out of the house Our -Makes love like an angel ! What an eye he best way, master, is to make off directly. has !—fine legs !—I'll certainly go to his benefit.
Dick. I will, I will; but first help me on with --Celestial sounds And, then, I'll get in with this coat ; Simon, you shall be my dresser; you'll all the painters, and have myself put up in be fine and happy behind the scenes. every printshop-in the character of Mac
Sim. O Lud! it will be main pleasant; I have beth!This is a sorry sight. (Stands in an attiheen behind the scenes in the country, when I tude.) In the character of Richard, Give me lived with the man that sheweth wild beastices. another horse! bind up my wounds ! -tliis will · Dick. Hark'e, Simon; when I am playing do rarely-and, then, I have a chance of getting some deep tragedy, and cleave the general ear well married O glorious thought! By with horrid speech, you indst stand between the heaven I will enjoy it, though but in fancy scenes, and cry bitterly. [Teaches him. But, what's o'clock - -it must be almost nine. Sim. Yes, sir.
I'll away at once; this is club-night.—'Egad I'll Dick. And when I'm playing comedy, you go to them for awhile the spouters are all met must be ready to laugh your guts out, (l'eaches -- little they think I'm in town—they'll be surhim.] for I shall be very pleasant–Tol de roll- prized to see me Of I go, and, then, for my as(Dances.]
signation with my master Gargle's daughter Sim. Never doubt me sir,
Poor Charlotte !--she's locked up, but I shall Dick. Very well; now run down and open find means to settle matters for her escape the street-door; I'll follow you in a crack. She's a pretty theatrical genius -If she flies
Sim. I am gone to serve you, master to my arms, like a hawk to its perch, it will be
Dick, To serve thyself-for, look'e, Simon, so rare an adventure, and so dramatic an incia when I am a manager, claim thou of me the care dent!-Limbs, do your office, and support me well; of the wardrobe, with all those moveables, bear me but to her, then fail me if you can ! whereof the property-man now stands pos
SCENE I.- Discovers the Spouting Club, the 2d Mem. Open locks, whoever knocks.
Members are seated, and roaring out Bravo ! while one stands at a distance
Dick. How now, ye secret, black, and midnight 1st Mem. Cursed be your senate, cursed your hugs, what is't ye do? constitution! The curse of growing factions and All. Ha! The genius come to town—Huzta, divisions still ver your councils !
huzza ! The genius2d Mem. Don't you thing his action a little Dick. How fares the honest partners of my confined ?
heart ? Jack Hopeless, give us your hand1st Mem. Psha! you blockhead ! don't you Guildenstern, yours, Ha! Rosencrants-Genknow that I'm in chaios?
tlemen, I rejoice to see ye-But come, the news, 2d Mem. Blockbead 'say yes-was not I the the news of the town! Has any thing been first that took compassion on you, when you lay damned? Any new performers this winter? How like a sneaking fellow under the counter, and often has Romeo and Juliet been acted ? Come, swept your master's shop in a moroing? when my bucks, inform me; I want news. you read nothing but the Young Man's Pocket 1st Mem. You shall know all in good time: Companion, or the True Clerk's Vade Mecum? but, pr’ythee, my dear boy, how was it? You did not I put Chrononbolonthologos in your played at Bristol ; let's hear. hand?
2d Mem. Ay; let's have it, dear Dick. All. Bravo, Bravo!
Dick. Look ye there, now-Let's have it, dear Pre. Come, gentlemen, let us have no dis- boy, and dear Dick. putes. Consider, gentlemen, this is the honour
1st Mem. Nay, nay; but how was you reable society of spouters ; and so to put an end ceived? to all animosities, read the seventh rule of this Dick. Romeo was my part-I touched their society.
souls for them; every pale face from the wells
was there, and so on I went-but rot them, neA Member Reads.
ver mind them—What bloody scene has Roscius That, business, or want of money, shall not now to act. be received as an excuse for non-attendance ; nor 1st Mem. Several things; but, Genius, why the anger of purents, or other relations ; nor the did you come to us so late? Why did you not complaints of our masters be ever heard; by come to us in the beginning of the night! which means, this society will be able to boust it's Dick. Why, I intended it : but who should I own mimic heroes, and be a nursery of young ac meet in my way but my friend Catcal, a devilish torlings for the stage, in spite of the mechanic good critic; and so he and I went together, and genius of our friends.
had our pipes to close the orifice of the stomach,
you know ; and what do you think I learned of Pre. That is not the rule I mean; but come, him? we'll fill a measure the table round
1st Mem. I can't say. good digestion wait on appetite, and health on Dick. Can you tell, now, whether the emboth.
phasis should be laid upon the epitaph, or the All. Huzza, huzza, huzza !-
substantive? Pre. Come, gentlemen, let us have no quarrels. 1st Mem. Why, no All. Huzza, huzza,
Dick. Ever while you live, lay your emphasis Scotch. Gome, now, I'll gee you a touch of upon
the epitaph Mack beeth!
Irish. Arrah, my dear, but what is that same 1st Mem. That will be rare ! Come let's have epitaph, now? it.
Dick. Arrah, my dear cousin Mackshane, Scotch. What do'st leer at, mon?-I have had won't you put a remembrance upon me ? muckle applause at Edinburgh, when I enacted Irish. Ow! but is it mocking you are? Look in the Reegiceede; and now I intend to do ye, my dear, if you'd be taking me off-Don't Macbeeth-I saw the dagger yesterneet and I you call it taking off? By my shoul, Pd be makthought I should ha' killed every one that caine ing you take yourself off-What? If you're in my way!
for being obstropolous, I would not matter you Irish. Stand out of the way, lads, and you'll three skips of a fea. see me give a touch of Othello, my dear Dick. Nay, pr’ythee, no offence; I hope we [ Takes the cork and burns it, and blacks his shall be brother-players fuce.] The devil burn the cork! it would not do Irish, Ow! then we'd be very good friends; ic fast enough
for, you know, two of a trade can never agree, 1st Mem. Here, here ; I'll lend you a helping my dear. hand,-[Blacks him.] [Knocking at the door.
Scotch. Locke is certainly reet in his chapter Scotch. I should have sheened in Mockbeeth; aboot invate ideas; for this inon is born without but never meend it; I'll go now to my friend the any at all; and the other inon, yonder, I doot, bookseller, and translate Cornelius Tacitus, or is no greet heed-piece.
Grotius de Jure Belli-and so, gentlemen, your Dick. What do you intend to appear in?
Irish. Othollo, my dear; let me alone; you'll Scotch. Huzza, huzza ! see how I'll bodder them; though, by my shoul, Dick. We'll scower the watch; confusion to myshelf does not know but I'd be frightened morality! I wish the constable were married; when every thing is in a hubbub, and noihing to huzza, huzsa! he heard, but throw him over !!
Irish. By my shoul, inyshelf did not care if I him !--- off, off, off the stage ! music !:-- had a wife, with a good fortune, to be hindering
won't ye ha' some orange-chips?'—'won't ye ba' me from going on; but no matter; I may meet some nonpareills ??-Ow! but, may be, the dear with a willing cratur soine where. craturs in the boxes will be lucking at my legs
[Erit Irish, singing. Ow! to be sure-the devil burn the luck they'll All. Huzza, huzza!
(Exeunt. give them!
Dick. I shall certainly laugh in the fellow's face.
SCENE II.--Street. Irish. Ow! never mind it; let me alone, my dear; may be, I'd see a little round face from
Enter a Watchman. Dublin, in the pit, may be I would ; but then, won't I be the first gentleinan of my name, that
Watch. Past five o'clock, cloudy morning turned stage-player? My cousin would rather Mercy on us !-all mad, I believe, in this house see me starve like a gentleman, with honour and --they're at this trade three nights in the week, reputation-myshelf does be ashamed when II think—Past five o'clock, a cloudy morning. think of it.
All. Huzza !-Without.] Scotch. Stay till you hear me give a specimen
Watch. What, in the name of wonder, are of elocution.
they all at ! Dick. What with that impediment, sir?
Hurra, hurra! (Without.] Scotch. Impeediment! What impeediment? I do not leesp, do 1? I do not squeent-I am well
Enter Spouters. leemed, am I not?
Dick. Angels and ministers of grace defend us! Irish. By my shoul, if you go to that, I am as
1st Mem. By Heavens I'll tear you joint by well timbered myself as any of them; and shall joint, and strew this hungry church-yard with make a figure in genteel and top comedy. Scotch. I'll give you a specimen of Mock
Dick. Adaunt, and quit my sight! thy bones beeth.
are marrow less—there's no speculation in those Irish. Make haste, then; and I'll begin O- eyes, that thou dost glare withal. thollo.
Watch. Pr’ythee, don't disturb the peace. Scotch. Is this a dagger that I see before me,
A Mem. Be sure you write him doron un ass. &c.
Dick. Be alive again; and dare me to the deIrish. (Collaring him.]—Willain, be sure you sart with thy pole—take any shape but that, und prode my love a whore, sc.
my firii nerves shall never tremble. [Another Member comes forward with
his face Watch. Soho, soho ! powdered, and a pipe in his hand.]
Enter Watchmen from all parts, some drunk, -I am thy father's spirit, Humlet
some coughing, &c. Dick. Po! Pr’ythee, you're not fat enough for
2d Watch. What's the matter there? a ghost.
1st Watch. Here are the disturbers of the Mem. I intend to make my first appearance in peace--I charge them allit, for all that; only I'm puzzled about one thing
Dick. Unmannered slave! advance your hai- I want to know, when I come on first, whether bert higher than my breast, or, by St. Paul, I'll I should make a bow to the audience?
strike thee down, and spurn thee, beggar, for this Another Mem. Now, gentlemen, for the true insolenceway of dying—[Spreads a blanket.]-now for a [They fight, Dick is knocked down. Exeunt little plirenzy—[ Repeats a dying speech, and Watchmen, fighting the rest. rolls himself up in the blanket.]
Dick. I have it ; it will do ; 'Egad, I'll make · [Watch behind the scenes ; past five o'clock, my escape now, Oh, I am fortune's fool cloudy morning.]
Enter Watchmen, 8c. Dick. Hey! past five o'clock—'Sdeath, I shall miss my appointment with Charlotte; I have Watch. Come, bring them along. staid too long, and shall lose my proselyte 1st Mem. Good ruffians, hold a while. come, let us adjourn.
2d Mem. I am unfortunate, but not ashamed All. Ay; let us sally forth.
of being so. Irish. With all my heart; though I should Watch. Come, come; bring them along. have boddered theia finely, if they had staid.
SCENE III.-Another street. he is ! It will be fine for me, when we're playing
the fool together, to call him brother Martin. Enter Dick, with a lanthern and a ladder, Brother Martin. Dick. All's quiet here; the coast's clear; now
Enter CHARLOTTE. for my adventure with Charlotte ; this ladder
Char. O lud! I'm frighted out of my wita; will do rarely for the business, though it would where is he? be better, if it were a ladder of ropes--but hold; Sim. He's a coming, madam-[Calls to him.] bave not I seen something like this on the stage? - Brother Martin ! Yes I have in some of the entertainments-Ay; I remember an apothecary; and hereabout he
Enter Dick. dwells—this is my master Gargle's; being dark, Dick. Cuckold him, madam, by all meansthe beggar's shop is shut-What, ho! apotheca- I'm your man. ry!-but soft-What light breaks through yon Char. Well now, I protest and vow, I wonder der window ! It is the east, and Juliet is the how you can serve a body so ; feel with what a sun. Arise, fair sun, 8c.
pit-a-pat action my Leart beats. Char. Who's there? My Romeo ?
Dick. 'Tis an alarm to love ; quick, let me Dick. The same my love ; if it not thee dis- snatch thee to thy Romeo's arms, &c. please.
Watch. (Behind the scenes.)- Past six o'clock, Char. Hush! Not so loud ; you'll waken my and a cloudy morning. father.
Char. Dear heart don't let us stand fooling Dick. Alas! there's more peril in thy eye-. here; as I live and breathe, we shall both be
Char. Nay; but, pr’ythee, now I tell you you'll taken; do, for Heaven's sake, let us make our spoil all; what made you stay so long ?
escape. Dick. Chide not my fair ; but let the god of Watch. Past six o'clock, and a cloudy mornilove laugh in thy eyes, and revel in thy heart. ing.
Char. As I am a living soul, you'll ruin every Char. It comes nearer and nearer; let us thing; be but quiet, and I'll come down to you. make off.
[Going. Dick. Give us your hand, then, my pretty Dick. No, no; not so fast : Charlotte, let us little adventurer; † attend you. act the garden scene first. Char. A fiddle-stick for the garden scene !
Yes, my dear Charlotte, we will go together,
Together to the theatre we'll go. Dick. Nay, then, I'll act Ranger-up I go,
There, lo their ravished eyes, our skill we'll neck or nothing. Char. Dear heart, you're enough to frighten a
And poiut new beauties to the pit below. body out of one's wits; don't come up; I tell you there's no occasion for the ladder; I have
Sim. Heavens bless the couple of them! But settled every thing with Simon, and he's to let me through the shop, when he opens it. Dick. Well, but I tell you I would not give a
Enter Bailiff' and his followers. farthing for it without the ladder; and so, up 1 Bail. That's he, yonder, as sure as you're go!
alive; ay, it is: and he has been about some
mischief here. Enter Simon at the door,
Fol. No, no, that an't he; that one wears a Sim. Sir, sir ; madam, madam
laced coat—though I can't say—as sure as a Dick. Prythee, be quiet, Simon; I am as- gun, it is her cending the high top-gallant of my joy.
Bail. Ay, I smoked him at once; do you run Sim. An't please you, master, iny young mis- that way, and stop at the bottom of Catharine tress may come through the shop; I am going street ; I'll go up Drury-lane, and, between us to sweep it out, and she may escape that way both, it will be odds if we miss him. [Ereunt. fast enow. Chut. That will do purely; and so do you stay
Enter watchmen. where you are, and prepare to receive me. Watch. Past six o'clock, and a cloudy morn
[Erit from above. ing. Hey-day! what's here ! a ladder at Mr. Dick. No, no, but that won't take; you shan't Gargle's window? I must aların the family: Ho! hinder me from going through my part-[Goes Mr. Gargle?
(Knocks at the door. up:}-A woman, by all that's lucky! Neither Gar. JAbove.)-What's the matter? How old nor cronked'; in I go[Goes in.)-and, for comes this window to be open! Ha! A ladder! fear of the pursuit of the family, I'll make sure Who's below, there? of the ladder.
1st Watch. I hope you an't robbed, Mr. GatSim. Hist, hist, master ! leave that there to gle? As I was going my rounds, I found your save me from being suspected.
window open. Dick. With all my heart, Simon.
Gar. I'fear this is some of that young dog's
[Erit from above. tricks; take away the ladder ; I must enquire Sim. (Alone.)-Lord love him, how comical into all this.
Enter Simon, like Scnub.
Win. Zookers ! be quiet, man ; you put me
out-Seven times seven is forty-nine, and six Siin. Thieves! Murder ! Thieves ! Popery! times twelve is seventy-two-and-and-andWatch. What's the matter with the fellow?
a here, friend Gargle, take the book, and give it Sim. Spare ull I have, and take my life! that scoundrel of a fellow. Watch. Any mischief in the house?
Gar. Lord, sir, he's returned to his tricks, Sim. They' broke in with fire and sword; Win. Returned to his tricks! What, broke they'll be here this minute; five and forty loose again? this will do charmingly—my young master taught Gar. Ay; and carried off my daughter with
[Aside. him. 1st Watch. What, are there thieves in the Win. Carried off your daughter ! How did house?
the rascal contrive that? Sim. With sword and pistol, sir ; five and Gar. Oh, dear sir, the watch alarmed us a forty.
while ago, and I found a ladder at the window; Watch. Nay, then, 'tis time for me to go; for, I suppose my young madam made her escape maybap, I may come to ha' the worse on't.
Win. 'Wounds! What business had the fellow Enter GARGLE.
with your daughter?
Gar. I wish I had never taken him into my Gar. Dear heart! Dear heart ! She's gone ! house; he may debauch the poor girl She's gone! My daughter! My daughter! What's Win. And suppose he does--she's a woman, the fellow in such a fright for?
an't sbe? Ha, ha! friend Gargle, ha, ha! Sim. Down on your knees-down on your Gar. Dear sir, how can you talk thus to a marrowbones(this will make him think, I know man distracted ? nothing of the matter-- bless his heart for teach Win. I'll never see the fellow's face. ing me).--down on your marrowbones !
Sim. Secrets ! Secrets ! Gar. Get up, you, fool! get up-dear heart, Win. What are you in the secret, friend? I'm all in a fermentation.
Sim. Tu be sure; there be secrets in all fami
lies—but, for iny part, I'll not speak a word pro Enter WINGATE, reading a newspaper. or con, till there's a piece. Win. (Reads.) — Wanted, on good security, Win. You won't speak, sirrah! I'll make you five hundred pounds, for which lawful interest speak -Do you know nothing of this numwill be given, and a good premium allowed. skull? Whoever this may suit, enquire for S. T. at the Sim. Who, I, sir ? He came home last night Crown and Rolls, in Chancery-lane. This may from your house, and went out again directly. be worth looking atter. Plt have a good premi Win. You saw him, then? um; if the fellow's a fool, I'll fix my eye on him; Sim. Yes, sir ; saw him to be sure, sir : be other people's follies are an estate to the man made me open the shop door for him; he stopthat knows how to make himself useful. So, ped on the threshold, and pointed at one of the friend Gargle, you're up early, I see; nothing clouds, and asked me if it was not like an ouzel? like rising early nothing to be got by lying in Win. Like an ouzel? Wounds! What's an bed, like a lubberly fellow-what's the matter ouzel? with you? Ha, ha! You look like a -Ha, ha! Gar. And the young dog came back in the
Gar. O-no wonder--my daughter, my daugh- dead of night to steal away my daughter ! ter!
Win. I'll tell you what, friend Gargle-I'll Win. Your daughter! What signifies a foolish think no more of the fellow_let him bite the girl!
bridle-I'll mind my business, and not miss Gar. Oh, dear heart! dear heart ! out of the an opportunity. window !
Gar. Good now, Mr. Wingate don't leave me Win. Fallen out of the window ! Well, sbe in this affliction! consider, when the animal spiwas a woman, and 'tis no matter; if she's dead, rits are properly employed, the whole system's she's provided for. Here, I found the book exhilarated, a proper circulation in the smaller could not meet with it last night here it is ducts, or capillary vessels there's more sense in it, than in all their Mac Win. Look ye there now; the fellow's at his beths, and their trumpery—[Reads.}-Cocker's ducks again, ha, ha! arithmetic-look ye here, now, friend Gargle Gar. But when the spirits are under influSuppose you have the sixteenth part of a ship, enceand I buy one fifth of you, what share of the Win. Ha, ha! What a fine fellow you are ship do I buy?
now! You're as mad with your physical nonGar. Oh, dear sir,'ris a melancholy case sense, as my son with his Shakespeare and Ben
Win. A melancholy case, indeed, to be so ig- Thompsonnorant; why should not a man know every thing? Gar. Dear sir, let us go in quest of him; he one fifth of one sixteenth, what part have I of shall be well phlebotomized; and, for the futhe whole ? Let me see; I'll do it a short way-ture, I'll keep his solids and buids in proper baGur. Lost beyond redemption !