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Wild. 'Tis more than I do for her; and, to brother-in-law, I know notning of them. What tell you the truth, more than I believe she does sort of a fellow is the son ? for me : This is a match of prudence, man! bar Beau. Oh! a diamond of the first water! a gain and sale! my reverend dad and the old buck, sir ! a blood! every night at this end oi put of a citizen finished the business at Lloyd's the town ; at twelve next day he sneaks about coffee house by inch of candle-a mere trans- the 'Change, in a little bit of a frock, and a bobferring of property !-- Give your son to my wig, and looks like a sedate book-keeper in the daughter, and I will give my daughter to your eyes of all who behold him. son.'That's the whole affair; and so I am just ar. Wild. Upon my word a gentleman of spirit! rived lo consummate the nuptials.
Beau. Spirit !-he drives a phæion two story Beau. Thou art the happiest fellow
higlı, keeps his girl at this end of the town, and Wild. Happy! so I am ; what should I be is the gay George Pbilpot all round Covent Garotherwise for? If Miss Sally-upon my soul, 1 den. forget the name
Wild. Oh, brave and the father Beau. Well ! that is so unlike you—Miss Sally Beau. The father, sir-But here comes Philpot.
Maria ; take his picture from her. Wild. Ay; very true -Miss Sally Philpot
(She sings within she will bring fortune sufficient to pay off an Wild. Hey! she is musical this morning ;old incumbrance upon the family-estate, and my she holds her usual spirits, I find. father is to settle handsomely upon memand so Beau. Yes, yes; the spirit of eighteen, with I have reason to be contented, have not I? the idea of a lover in her head.
Bear. And you are willing to marry her with Wild. Ay; and such a lover as you, too!-out having one spark of love for her ?
though still in her teens, she can play upon all W'ild. Love !-- Why, I make myself ridiculous your foibles, and treat you as she does her monenough by marrying, don't I, without being in key-tickle you, torment you, enrage you, sooth love into the bargain? What ! am I to pine for you, exalt you, depress you, pity you, laugh at a girl that is willing to go to bed to me ? Love, you-Ecce signum! of all things !—My dear Beaufort, one sees so many breathing raptures about eachother before
Enter MARIA, singing. marriage, and dinning their insipidity into the ears of all their acquaintance:' My dear madam, The same giddy girl !--Sister-come, my don't you think bim a sweet mané a charminger dear creature never was!' Then he on his side Maria. Have done, brother; let me have My life ! my angel! oh! she's a paradise of my own way– I will go through my song. ever-blooming sweets !' And, then, in a month's Wild. I have not seen you this age ; ask me lime, ‘He's a perfidious wretch! I wish I had how I do. never scen his face-the devil was in me when I Maria. I won't ask you how you do- I won't had
any thing to say to him.' -Oh ! dainn her take any notice of you—I don't know you. for an inanimated piece--I wish she poisoned Wild. Do you know this gentleman, then? herself, with all my heart.? That is ever the will you speak to him? way; and so you see love is all nonsense; well Maria. No, I won't speak to him; I'll sing to enough to furnish romances for boys and girls at bim—'tis my humour to sing.
Sings. circulating libraries; that is all, take my word Bean. Be serious for a moment, Maria ! my for it.
all depends upon it Beau. Pho! that is idle talk; and in the mean Maria. Oh, sweet sir! you are dying, are you? time I am ruined.
then, positively, I will sing the song; for it is Wild, How so?
a description of yourself-mind it, Mr. Beaufort Beau. Why, you know the old couple have -mind it-Brother, how do you do? (Kisses bargained your sister away.
him.] Say nothing, don't interrupt me. (Sings. Wild. Bargained her away ! and will you pre Wild. Have you seen your city lover yet? tend you are in love ? Can yon look tamely on, Maria. No ; but I long to see him; I fancy and see her bartered away at Garraway's, like he is a curiosity. logwood, cochineal, or indigo? Marry her pri Beau. Long to see him, Maria ! vately, man, and keep it secret till my affair is Maria. Yes; long to see him !-(BEAUFORT
fiddles with his lip, and looks thoughtful.] Bro· Beau. My dear Wilding will you propose it ther, brother! [Goes to him softly, beckons him to her.
to look at BEAUFORT] do you see that? [Mimics 1 Wild. With all my heart-she is very long him) mind him ; ha, ha! a coming-I'll tell you what, if she has a fancy Beau. Make me ridiculous if you will, Maria, for you, carry her off at once-But, perhaps, she so you don't make me unhappy by marrying this has a inind to this cub of a citizen, Miss Sally's cititzen. brother.
Maria And would you not have me marry, Beuu. Oh, no! he's her aversion.
sir : What! I must lead a single life to please Wild. I have never seen any of the family,but you, must I ? - Upon my word, you are a pretty my wife that is to be-my father-in-law and my Igentleman to make laws for me. [Sings.
Can it be, or by law, or by cquity said, my girl ; one that has mettle enow; he'll take That a coinely young girlought to die an old maid? cover I warrant un-Blood to to the bone !
Beau. There now, Wilding, did not I tell you Wild. Come, come, Miss Pert, compose your this? self a little this way will never do.
Hild. Where are you to see the young citiMuria. My cross ill-natured brother ! but it zen? will do -Lord! what, do you both call me Maria, Why, papa will be at home in an hour, hither to plague me? I won't stay among ye-a and then he intends to drag me into the city l'honneur, à l'honneur---[Running away.] à with him, and there the sweet creature is to be l'honneur.
introduced to me. The old gentleman his father Wild. Hey, hey, Miss Notable ! come back ; is delighted with me; but I hate him ; an ugly pray madain, come back [Forces her buck. old thing.
Maria. Lord of Heaven, what do you want? Wild. Give us a description of him ; I want Wild. Come, come ; truce with your frolics, to know himn. Miss Hoyden, and behave like a sensible girl; Naria. Why, he looks like the picture of we have serious business with you.
avarice, sitting with pleasure upon a bag of moMaria. Have you ? well, come, I will be sen- ney, and trembling for fear any body should come sible—there, I blow all my folly away —'tis gonc, and take it away. He has got square toed shoes, 'tis gone—and now I'll talk sense; comes and little tiney buckles; a brown coat, with small that a sensible face?
round brass buttons, that looks as if it was new Wild. Poh, poh! be quiet and hear what we in my great grandmother's time, and his face all have to say to you.
shrivelled and pinched with care; and he shakes Maria. I will; I am quiet.-'Tis charming his head like a Mandarine upon a chimney-piece weatlier ; it will be good for the country, this —- Ay, ay, Sir Jasper, you are right'--and then will.
he grins at me, I profess she is a very pretty Wild. Pob, ridiculous ! bow can you be so bale of goods. Ay, ay, and my son Bob is a silly?
very sensible lad-ay, ay, and I will underMaria. Bless me! I never saw any thing like write their happiness for one and a half per vou--there is no such thing as satisfying you-Icent.' ain sure it was very good sense, wbat I said Wild. Thank you, my dear girl! thank you Papa talks in that manner
er-Well, well, I'll be for this account of my relations. silent, then-I won't speak at all: will that sa Beau. Destruction to my hopes ! surely my tisfy you?
[Looks sullen. dear little angel, if you have any regard for Wild. Come, come, no more of ibis folly, but memind what is said to you. You have not seen Maria. There, there, there he is frightened your city lover, you say? (Maria shrugs her again.
(Sings, Dearest creature, &c shoulders and shakes her head.) Why don't you Wild. Psha ! give over these airs, listen to answer?
me, and I'll instruct you how to manage them Beau. My dear Maria put me out of pain. all.
(Maria shrugs her shoulders again. Maria, Oh, my dear brother ! you are very Wild. Poli, don't be so childish, but give a good; but don't mistake yourself—ihough just rational answer.
come from a boarding-school, give me leave to Maria. Why, no then; no—no, no, no, no, manage for myself. There is in this case a man Do-I tell you no, no, no!
I like, and a man I don't like, It is not you I Wild. Come, come, my little giddy sister, you like, [To BEAUFORT.] No, no; I hate you. But must not be so flighty: behave sedately, and let this little head alone! I know what to do--I don't be a girl always.
shall know how to prefer one,
rid of the Maria. Why, don't I tell you I have not seen other. him-but I am to see himn this very day,
Beau. What will you do, Maria ? Beau. To see him this day, Maria !
Maria. Ha, ha, I can't help laughing at you. Maria. Ha, ha ! look there, brother; be is be
[Sings. ginning again—But don't fright yourself
, and I'll
Do not grieve me, tell you all about it. My papa comes to me this
Oh, relieve me, &c. morning: by the by, he makes a fright of himself with this strange dress. Why does not he Wild. Come, come, be serious Miss Pert, and dress as other gentlemen do, brotlier?
I'll instruct you what to do : The old cit you say, Wild. He dresses like his brother fox-hunters admires you for your understanding; and his son in Wiltshire.
would not marry you, unless he found you a girl Maria. But when he comes to town, I wish of sense and spirit. he would do as other gentlemen do here I am Maria. Even so-
-- this is the character of your almost ashamed of him. But he comes to me giddy sister. this morning. Hoic, hoic ! our Moll. Where Wild. Why then, I'll tell you. You shall make is the sly puss-Tallyho !-Did you want me, him hate you for a fool, and so let the refusal papa ? Come hither, Moll, I'll gee you a husband coine from himself.
Maria. But how ? how, my dear brother? Quill. He is. Tell me how?
G. Phil. Has he asked for me? Wild, Why, you have seen a play, with me,
Quill. He has. where a man pretends to be a downright country 6. Phil. [Walks in on tip-toe.] Does he know oaf, in order to rule a wife, and have a wife? I did not lie at home?
Maria. Very well. What then? what then? Quill. No; I sunk that upon him. Oh! I have it; I understand you; say no more ; G. Phil. Well done! I'll give you a choice 'tis charming! I like it of all thing! I'll do it! gelding to carry you to Dulwich of a Sunday— I will; and I will so plague him, that he sha’n’t Damnatior.! Úp all night, stript of nine hunknow what to make of me. He shall be a very dred pounds; pretty well for one night! Piqued, toad cater to me! the sour, the sweet, the bitter, repiqued, flammed, and capotted every deal ! he shall swallow all, and all shall work upon him Old Drybeard shall pay all-Is forty-seven alike for my riversion. Say nothing of it'; 'tis all good ? No: fifty good ? 'No, no; to the end of among ourselves ; but I won't be cruel.' I hate the chapter. Cruel luck! Damn me, 'uis life ill-nature; and then, who knows but I may like though! this is life! 'Sdeath, I hear him comhim?
ing![Runs off, and peeps.] No, all's safe ; 1 must Beau. My dear Maria, don't talk of liking not be caught in these clothes, Quilldrive. him.
Quill. How came it you did not leave them at Maria. Oh! now you are beginning again.
Madam Corinna's, as you generally do? [Sings, Voi Amanti,&c. and erit. G. Phil. I was afraid of being too late for Brau. 'Sdeath, Wilding, I shall never be your Old Square-toes; and so I whipt into a hackney brother-in-law at this rate!
coach, and drove with the windows up, as if I Wild. Psha, follow me: don't be apprehensive. was afraid of a bum-bailiff. Pretty clothes, an't I'll give her farther instructions, and she will they? execute them, I warrant you: the old fellow's
Quill. Ah ! sir daughter shall be mine, and the son my go shift
G. Phil. Reach me one of my mechanic cityfor himself elsewhere.
frocks-no-stay-—'tis in i be next room, an't it?
Quill. Yes, sir.
G. Phil. I'll run and slip it on in a twinkle. SCENE II,-A Room in Old Philpot's House.
Quill. Mercy on us; what a life does he lead ! Enter Old Puilpot, DAPPER, and QuillDRIVE.
Old Codger within here will scrape together for
him, and the moment young master comes to posOld Phil. Quilldrive, have those dollars been session, "I got, ill gone,' I warrant me: a hard sent to the bank, as I ordered?
card I have to play between them both; drudging Quill. Thay have, sir.
for the old man, and pimping for the young one. Old Phil. Very well. Mr. Dapper, I am not
The father is a reservoir of riches, and the son is a fond of writing any thing of late; but at your fountain to play it all away in vanity aud folly ! request
Enter GEORGE PHILPOT. Dap. You know I would not offer you a bad policy.
G. Phil. Now I'm equipped for the cityOld Phil. I believe it. Well, step with me to
Damn the city! I wish the papishes would set my closet, and I will look at your policy. How fire to it again—I hate to be beating the boof much do you want upon it?
here among them. Here comes father; noDap. Three thousand : You had better take 'tis Dapper-Quilldrive, I'll give you the geldthe whole; there are very good names upon it.
ing. Old Phil. Well, well, step with me, and I'll
[Exit. talk to you. Quilldrive, step with those bills for
Enter DAPPER. acceptance. This way, Mr. Dapper, this way.
[Errunt. Dap. Why, you look like a devil, Georye. Quill. A miserly old rascal ! digging, digging G. Phil. Yes; I have been up all night, lost money out of the very hearts of mankind; con- all my nooney, and I'm afraid I must smash for it, stantly scraping together, and yet trembling with Dap. Smash for it--what hare I let you anxiety for fear of coming to want. A canting
into the secret for? have not I advised you to old hypocrite ! and yet under bis veil of sanctity, trade upon your own account and you feel he has a liquorish tooth left-running to the the sweets of it.-How much do you owe in other end of the town slily every evening; and the city? there he has his solitary pleasures in holes and G. Phil. At least twenty thousand.
Dap. Poh, that's nothing ! Bring it up to fifty
or sixty thousand, and then give them a good GEORGE Philpot, peeping in. crash at once I have insured the ship for
you. G. Phil. Hist, hist! Quilldrive!
G. Phil. Have you? Quill. Ha, Mr. George!
Dap. The policy's full; I have just touched G. Phil. Is Square-toes at home?
your father for the last three thousand,
G. Phil. Excellent! are the goods re-landed? G. Phil. Thinking a little of the main chance,
Dap. Every bale- I have had thein up to sir. to town, and sold ibein all to a packer for you. Old Phil. That's right: it is a wide world,
G. Phil. Bravo! and the ship is loaded with George. rubbbish I suppose ?
G. Phil. Yes, sir; but you instructed me Dap. Yes; and is now proceeding on the voy- early in the rudiments of trade. age,
Old Phil. Ay, ay! I instilled good principles G. Phil. Very well—and to-morrow, or next into thee. day, we shall hear of her being lost upon the G. Pail. So you did, sir-Principal and inteGoodwin, or sunk between the Needles ? rest is all I ever heard from him. [Aside.] I shall Dup. Certainly.
never forget the story you recommended to my G. Phil. Adinirable ! and then we shall come earliest notice, sir. upon the underwriters?
Old Phil. What was that George? It is quite Dap. Directly.
out of my head. G. Phil. My dear Dapper! [Embraces him. G. Phil. It intimated, sir, how Mr. Thomas
Dap: Yes; I do a dozen every year. How do Inkle of London, merchant, was cast away, and you think I can live as I do, otherwise? was afterwards protected by a young lady, who
G. Phil. Very true; shall you be at the club grew in love with him, and how he afterwards after 'Change?
bargained with a planter to sell her for a slave. Dup. Without fail.
Old Phil. Ay, ay, [ Laughs.] I recollect it now. G. Phil. That's right! it will be a full meet G. Phil. And when she pleaded being with ing: we shall have Nat Pigtail the dry-salter, child by him, he was no otherwise moved than there, and Bob Reptile the change-broker, and to raise his price, and make her turn to better Sobersides the banker-we shall all be there. account. We shall have deep doings.
Old Phil. [ Bursts into a laugh.] I remember Dap. Yes, yes. Well, a good morning; I must it-ha, ha! there was the very spirit of trade ! go now, and fill up a policy for a ship that has ay, ay; ha, ha ! been lost three days.
G. Phil. That was calculation for youG. Phil. My dear Dapper! thou art the best Old. Phil. Ay, ay ! of friends.
G. Phil. The Rule of Three-If one gives me Dap. Ay, I'll stand by you—It will be time so much, what will two give me! enough for you to break, when you see your fa Old Phil. Ay, ay !
[Laughs. ther near his end ; then give them a smash; put G. Phil. That was a bit, sir ! yourself at the head of his fortune, and begin Old Phil. Ay, ay! the world again—Good morning. (Exit Dap. G. Phil. That was having his wits about him.
G. Phil. Dapper, adieu !-Who now, in my Old Phil. Ay, ay ! it is a lesson for all young situation, would envy any of your great folks at It was a hit indeed, ha, ha! the court-end? a lord has nothing to depend up
[Both laugh. on but his estate -He can't spend you a
G. Phil. What an old negro it is?
[Aside. hundred thousand pounds of other people's mo Old Phil. Thou art a son after my own heart, ney—no, no—I had rather be a little bobwig ci- George. tizen in good credit, than a commissioner of the G. Phil. Trade must be minded-A penny customs Commissioner !—The king has not so saved, is a penny gotgood a thing in bis gift, as a commission of bank Old Phil. Ay, ay ! ruptcy-Dov't we sec them all with their coun
[Shakes his head, and looks cunning. try-seats at Hogsdon, and at Kentish-town, and G. Phil. He that hath money in his purse, at Newingtou-butts, and at Islington? with their won't want a head on his shoulders. little Aying Mercuries, tipt on the top of the Old Phil. Ay, ay! house, their Apollos, their Venuses, and their G. Phil. Rome was not built in a day-Forleaden Hercules's in the garden; and themselves tunes are made by degrees-Pains to get, care to sitting before the door, with pipes in their mouths, keep, and fear to losewaiting for a good digestion — Zoons ! here comes Old Phil. Ay, ay! old dad. Now for a few dry maxims of left-hand G. Phil. He that lies in bed, his estate feels it. ed wisdom, to prove myself a scoundrel in senti Old Phil, Ay, ay; the good boy ! ment, and pass in his eyes for a hopeful young G. Phil. The old curmudgeon (Aside.] thinks man, likely to do well in the world.
nothing mean that brings in an bonest peony.
Old Phil. The good boy! George, I lrave great Enter Old PaiLPOT.
hopes of thee.
G. Phil. Thanks to your example ; you have Old Phil. Twelve times twelve is 144. taught me to be cautious io this wide world
G. Phil. I'll attack him in his own way-Com- Love your neighbour, but don't pull down your mission at two and a half per cent—hum ! hedge.
Old Phil. There he is, intent upon business! Old Phil. I profess it is a wise saying; I never what, plodding, George?
heard it before : it is a wise saying; and shows
how cautious we should be of too much confi Old Phil. Ay!
[Shakes his head. dence in friendship.
G. Phil. I have, indeed, a remittance from G. Phil. Very true.
Messina. That voyage yields me thirty per cent. Old Phil. Friendship has nothing to do with profit-but this blow coming upon metrade.
Old Phil. Why, this is unlucky-- how much G. Phil. It only draws a man in to lend mo- money!
G. Phil. Three-and-twenty hundred. Old Phil. Ay, ay
Old Phil. George, too many eggs in one base G. Phil. There was your neighbour's son, ket! I'll tell thee, George; I expect sir Jasper Dick Worthy, who was always cramming his Wilding here presently to conclude the treaty of head with Greek and Latin at school; he wanted marriage I have on foot for thee; then hush this to borrow of me the other day; but I was too up; say nothing of it; and in a day or two you cunning.
pay these bills with his daughter's portion. Old Phil. Ay, ay-Let him draw bills of ex G. Phil. The old rogue [Aside]! That will change in Greek and Latin, and see where he never do: I shall be blown upon Change will get a pound sterling for them.
Alvarada will pay in time-He has opened his G. Phil. So I told him-I went to him to his affairs-He appears a good man. garret in the Minories; and there I found him in Old Phil. Does he? all his misery! and a fine scene it was—There G. Phil. A great fortone left! will pay in was his wife in a corner of the room, at a wash- time, but I must crack before that. ing tub, up to the elbows in suds; a solitary Old Phil. It is unlucky! a good man you say pork-steak was dangling by a pack-thread before he is? a melancholy fire; himself seated at a three G. Phil. Nobody better. Jegged table, writing a pamphlet against the Ger Old Phil. Let me see
-Suppose I lend this man war; a child upon his left knee, his right money? leg employed in rocking a cradle with a brat G. Phil. Ah, sir ! ling in it. —And so there was business enough Old Phil. How much is your remittance from for them all-His wife rubbing away, (Mimicks Messina? a washerwoman ;] and he writing on. • The G. Phil. Seven hundred and fifty. king of Prussia shall have no more subsidies Old Phil. Then you want fifteen hundred and -Saxony shall be indemnified -Ile shan't fifty? have a foot in Silesia. There is a sweet little G. Phil. Exactly. baby! [To the child on his knee.]-then he rock Old Phil. Don Álvarada is a good man, you ed the cradle, hush ho! hush ho!-then twist- say? ed the grisken (Snaps his fingers) hush ho ! G. Phil. Yes, sir. • The Russians shall have Prussia,' [Writes.] Old Phil. I will venture to lend the moneyThe wife [lashes and sings.] He— 'There's a you must allow me commission upon those bills, dear.' Round goes the grisken again--[Snaps for taking them up for honour of the drawer ? his fingers ;] ' and Canada must be restored,' G. Phil. Agreed. [Writes.)-And so you have a picture of the Old Phil. Lawful interest, while I am out of whole family.
my money? Old Phil. Ha, ha! What becomes of his Greek G. Phil. I subscribe. and Latin now? Fine words butter no parsnips Old Phil. A power of attorney to receive the
-He had no money from you, I suppose, monies from Alvarada, when he makes a payGeorge?
ment? G. Phil. Oh! no; Charity begins at home, G. Phil. You shall have it,
Old Phil. Your own bond? Old Phil. And it was wisely said--I have an G. Phil. To be sure. excellent saying, when any man wants to borrow Old Phil. Go and get me a check-You shall of me-I am ready with my joke - A fool and have a draught on the bank. his money are soon paried'—ha, ha, ha!
G. Phil. Yes, sir.
[Going. G. Phil. Ha, ha -An old skin-flint! Old Phil. But stay-I had forgot-I must sell
[Aside. out for this; stocks are under par. You must Old Phil. Ay, ay, a fool and his money are pay the difference. soon partedha, ha, ha!
G. Phil. Was ever such a leech! (Aside.) By G. Phil. Now, if I can wring a handsome sum all means, sir. out of him, it will prove the truth of what he Old Phil. Step and get me a check. says. [Aside.) And yet trade has its inconveni G. Phil. A fool and his inoney are soon partGreat houses stopping payment ! ed.
Aside. Old Phil. Hey-what! you look chagrined
[Erit G. Pullpot. --Nothing of that sort has happened to thee Old Phil. What with commission, lawful interI hope?
est, and his paying the difference of the stocks, G. Phil. A great house at Cadiz-Don John which are higher now than when I bought in, de Alvarada—'The Spanish galleons not inaking this will be no bad morning's work: and then in quick returns--and so my bills are come back. the evening I shall be in the rarest spirits for