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PHOSCOPHORNIO.

SCENE I.-An Anti-chamber in the palace. Then nods and snores again : If this be sleep,

Tell me, ye gods ! what mortal man's awake?

What says my friend to this? Enter RIGDUM-FUNNIDOS and ALDIBORONTI

Riy-Fun. Say! I say he sleeps dog sleep: What a plague would you have me say?

Aldi. O impious thought! O cursed insinuRig-Fun. Aldiborontiphoscophornio !

ation ! Where left

you
Chrononhotonthologos ? As if

great Chrononhotonthologos, Aldi. Fatigued with the tremendous toils of To animals detestible and vile, war,

Had aught the least similitude ! Within his tent, on downy couch succumbent, Rig-Fun. My dear friend, you entirely misHimself bé unfatigues with gentle slumbers; apprehend me: I did not call the king dog by Lulled by the cheerful trumpet's gladsome clan- craft; I was only going to tell you, that the solgour,

diers have just now received their pay, and are The noise of drums, and thunder of artillery, all as drunk as so many swabbers. He sleeps supine amidst the din of war :

Aldi. Give orders instantly, that no more moAnd yet, 'tis not definitively sleep;

ney Rather a kind of doze, a waking slumber, Be issued to the troops : Mean time, my friend, That sheds a stupefaction o'er his senses ; Let the baths be filled with seas of coffee, For now be nods and snores; anon he starts ; To stupify their souls into sobriety.

1

me.

angry withal?

Rig-Fun. I fancy you had better banish the Capt. To arms! to arms! great Chrononhosuttlers, and blow the Geneva casks to the devil. tonthologos! Aldi. Thou counsellest well, my Rignum Fun- The Antipodean powers, from realms below, nidos,

Have burst the solid entrails of the earth; And reason seems to father thy advice : Gushing such cataracts of forces forth, But soft!-the king in pensive contemplation This world is to incopious to contain them: Seems to resolve on some important doubt : Armies on armies march, in form stupendous; His soul too copious for his earthly fabrick, Not like our earthly regions, rank by rank, Starts forth spontaneous, in soliloquy, But tier o'er tier, high piled from earth to And makes his tongue the midwife of his mind. heaven Let us retire, lest we disturb his solitude. A blazing bullet, bigger than the sun,

[They retire. Shot from a huge and moustrous culverin,

Has laid your royal citadel in ashes.
Enter King.

King. Peace, coward ! were they wedged like

golden ingots, King. This god of sleep is watchful to torment Or pent so close, as to admit no vacuum,

One look from Chrononbotonthologos And rest is grown a stranger to my eyes: Shall scare them into nothing. Rigdum-FunniSport not with Chrononlotonthologos.

dos, Thou idle slumberer, thou detested Somnus : Bid Bombardinian draw his legions forth, For, if thou dost, by all the waking powers, And meet us in the plains of Queerummania. I'll tear thy eye-halls from their leaden sockets, This very now ourselves shall their conjoin him: And force thee to outstare eternity !

Mean time bid all the priests prepare their tem[Erit in a huff

ples Enter Rigdun and ALDIBORONTI.

For rites of triumph: Let the singing singers,

With vocal voices, most vociferous, Rig. The king is in a most cursed passion! In sweet vociferation, out-vociferize Pray who the devil is this Mr. Somnus, he's so Even sound itself. So be it as we have ordered.

[Ereunt. Auli. The son of Chaos and of Erebus, Incestrous pair! brother of Mors relentless, SCENE II.-A maynificent apartment. Whose speckled robe, and wings of blackest hue, Astonish all mankind with bideous glare;

Enter QUEEN, TatlanTIE, and two Ladies. Himself with sable plumes, to men benevolent, Brings downy slumbers, and refreshing sleep.

Queen. Day's curtain's drawn, the morn begins Rig. This gentleman may come of a very to rise, good family, for aught I know; but I would and waking nature rubs her sleepy eyes: Dot be in his place for the world. Aldi. But lo! the king, his footsteps this way In baa's harmonious warble through the rocks :

The pretty little fleecy bleating focks bending.

Night gather up her shades, in sable shrouds, His cogitative faculties immersed,

And whispering oziers tattle to the clouds. In cogibundity of cogitation :

What think you ladies if an hour we kill,' Let silence close our folding doors of speech,

At basset, ombro, picquet, or quadrille? Till apt attcution tell our heart the purport Tat. Your majesty was pleased to order tea, Of this profound profundity of thought.

Queen. My mind is altered; bring some ratifia. Enter King, Nobles, and Attendants, &c.

[They are served round with a dram.

I have a famous fiddler here from France. King. It is resolved Now Somnus, I defy Bid him come in. What think ye of a dance?

thee, And from mankind ampute thy cursed dominion,

Enter Fiddler, These royal eyes thou never more shall close.

Fid. Thus to your majesty, says the suppliant Henceforth let no man sleep, on pain of death: Instead of sleep, let pompous pageantry Would you a solo or sonata chuse? Keep all mankind eternally awake.

Or bold concerto, or soft Siciliana, Bid Harlequino decorate the stage

Alla Francese overo in gusto Romano? With all magnificence of decoration:

When you command, 'tis done as soon as spoke. Giants and giantesses, dwarfs and pygmies,

Queen. A civil fellow ! play us the Black Songs, dances, music in its amplest order,

Joak.

[Music plays. Mimes, pantomimes, and all the mimic motion

[Queen and Ladies dance the Black Jouk. Of scene deceptiosive and sublime.

So much for dancing ; now let's rest awhile. (The flat scene draws. The King is seated, Bring in the tea things ; does the kettle boil? and a grand pantomime entertainment

Tät. The water bubbles and the tea-cups skip, is performed, in the midst of which, en- Through eager hope to kiss your royal lip. ters e Captain of the Guard.

[Tea brought ini

muse.

COPHORNIO.

Queen. Come ladies will you please to chuse | A grand triumph.- Enter CHRONON HOTONTHOyour tea;

LOGOS, guards and attendants, 8c. met by Or green Imperial, or Pekoe Bohea?

RIGDUM- FUNNIDOS and ALDI BORONTIPHOS1st. Lady. Never, no, never sure on earth was seen,

Aldi. All hail to Chrononhotonthologos ! So gracious, sweet, and affable a queen

!

Thrice trebly welcome to your loyal subjects ! 2d Lady. She is an angel !

Myself and faithful Rigdum-Funvidos, 1st. Lady. She's a goddess, rather!

Lost in a Labyrinth of love and loyalty, Tat. She's angel, queen, and goddess, alto- Intreat you to inspect our inmost souls, ther!

And read, in them, what tongue can never utrer. Queen. Away! you flatter me.

Cro. Aldiborontiphoscopornia, 1st. Lady. We don't indeed:

To thee and gentle Rigdum-Funnidos, Your merit does our praise by far exceed.

Our gratulations Aow in streams unbounded : Queen. You make me blush: Pray, help me Our bounty's debtor to your loyalty, to a fan.

Which shall with interest, be repaid ere long: 1st Lady. That blush becomes you. But where's our queen? where's Fadladinida? Tat. Would I were a man!

She should be foremost in this gladsome train, Queen. I'll hear no more of these fantastic To grace our triumph ; but I sce she slights me, airs.

[Bell rings. This haughty queen shall be no longer mine, The bell rings in : Come ladies, let's to prayers. I'll have a sweet and gentle concubine.

[They dance off.

Rig. Now my dear little Phorscophorny, for a swinging lie to bring the queen off, and I'll run

with it to her this minute, that we may all be in SCENE III.-An anti-chamber.

a say, Say she has got the thorough-go-nimble.

[Whispers, and steals off. Enter RigDUM and ALDIBORONTI. Aldi. Speak not, great Chrononhotonthologos,

In accents so injuriously severe, Rig. Egad, we're in the wrong box! Who |Of Fadladinida, your faithful queen : the devil would have thought that Chrononho. By me she sends an embassy of love. tonthologos should be at that mortal sight of Sweet blandishments, and kind congratulations, Tippodeans? Why there's not a mother's child But, cannot, Oh ! she cannot come herself. of them to be seen !'egad they footed it away as King. Ourrage is turned to fcar: What ails fast as their hands could carry them; but they the queen? have left their king behind them. We have him Aldi. A sudden diarrhæa's rapid force safe, that's one comfort.

So stimulates the peristaltic motion, Aldi. Would he were still at amplest liberty! That she by far out-dves her late out-doing, For, oh! my dearest Rigduin Funnidos, And all conclude her royal life in danger. I have a riddle to unriddle to thee,

King. Bid the physicians of the world assemble Shall make thee stare thyself into a statue. In consultation, solemn and sedate : Our queen's in love with this Antipodean. More to corroborate their saye resolves,

Rig. The devil she is ! Well, I see mischiet Call from their graves the learned men of old : is a going forward with a vengeance !

Galen, Hippocrates, and Paracelsus : Aldi. But lo! the conqueror comes, all crown- Doctors, apothecaries, surgeons, chemists, ed with conquest;

All, all attend and see they bring their medicines, solemn triumph graces bis return.

Whole magazines of galli-potted nostrunis Let's grasp the forelock of this apt occasion, Materialized in pharmaceutic order! To greet the victor in his flow of glory. The man that cures our queen shall have our

empire.

[Exeunt.

ACT II.

SCENEI.-A garden.

Enter TATLANTAE and Queey.
Queen, Heigh ho! my heart!
Tat. What ails my gracious queen?
Queen. Oh would to Venus I had never scen-
Tat, Seen what, my royal mistress?
Queen. Too, too much!
Tat. Did it affright you?
Queen. No; 'uis nothing such.

Tat. What was it madam?
Queen. Really I dont know.
Tat. It must be something?
Queen. No!
Tat. Or nothing?
Queen. No!
Tat. Then, I conclude, of course, sinccit was

neither,
Nothing and something jumbled well together.

Queen. Oh! my Tatlanthe, have you never

seen

queen?

Tat. Can I guess what, unless you tell, my Queen. That's he! that's he! that's lie!

I'd die ten thousand deaths to set bim free: Queen. The king, I mean?

Oh! my Tatlanthe! have you seen his face, Tat. Just now returned from war,

His air, bis shape, his mein, his every grace? He rides like Mars in his triumphal car. In what a charming attitude he stands ! Conquest precedes, with laurels in his hand; How prettily he foots it with his hands ! Behind him Fame does on her tripos stand; Well, to his arms, no, to his legs, I fly, Her golden trump shrill through the air she For I must have him, if I live or die." (Ereunt.

sounds, Which rends the earth, and thence to Heaven

SCENE II.-A bed chamber. rebounds; Trophies and spoils innumerable grace

CHRONONIOTONTHOLOGOs asleep. This triumph, which all triumphs does deface :

Rough music, viz. Salt-bores and rolling-pins ; Haste then, great queen! your hero thus to meet,

grid-irons and tongs ; sow-gelders' horns, marWho longs to lay his laurels at your feet.

rou-bones and cleavers, 8c. &c.

[He wakes. Queen. Art mad, Tatlanthe ? I meant no such thing.

Chron. What heavenly sounds are these that Your talk's distasteful.

charm my ears! Tat. Dida't you name the king?

Sure'tis the music of the tuneful spheres. Queen. I did, Tatlanthe, but it was not thine;

Enter Captain of the guards. The charming king I mean, is only mine. Tat. Who else, who else, but such a charming Capt. A messenger from general Bombardifair,

nian In Chrononhotonthologos should share?

Craves instant audience of your majesty.
The queen of beauty, and the god of arms, Chron. Give him admittance.
In him and you united, blend their charms.

Enter Herald.
Oh! had you seen him, how he dealt out death,
And, at one stroke, robbed thousands of their Her. Long life to Chronophotonthologos!
breath :

Your faithful general, Bombardinian, While on the slaughtered heaps himself did rise, Sends you his tongue, transplanted in my mouth, In pyramids of conquest to the skies :

To pour his soul out in your royal ears. The gods all hailed, and fain would have him stay; Chron. Then use thy inaster's tongue with reBut your bright charms have called him thence verence, away.

Nor waste it in thine own loquacity, Queen. This does my utmost indignation raise : But briefly, and at large, declare thy messaye. You are too pertly lavish in his praise.

Her. Suspend a-while, great ChrononnotonLeave me for ever! [TATLANTHE kneeling. tholoyos, Tat. Ob! what shall I say?

The fate of empires, and the toils of war; Do not, great queen, your anger thus display! And in my tent let's quaff Phalernian wine, O frown me dead ! let me not live to hear Till our souls mount and emulate the gods. My gracious queen and mistress so severe ! Two captive females, beauteous as the morn, I've made some horrible mistake, no doubt! Submissive to your wishes, court your option. Oh! tell me what it is?

llaste then, great king, to bless us with your preQueen. No, find it out. Tnt. No, I will never leave you: here I'll Our scouts already watch the wished approach, grow,

Wbich shall be welcomed by the drun's dread you some token of forgiveness show:

rattle, Oh! all ye powers above, come down, come The cannon's thunder, and the trumpet's blast; down!

While I, in front of mighty myrmidons, And froin her brow dispel that angry frown. Receive my king in all the pomp of war. Queen. Tatlanthe, rise; you have prevailed at Chron. Tell him I come; my tlying steed pre

last : Offend no more, and I'll excuse what's past. Ere thou art half on horse-back I'll be there. [TATLANTHE aside, rising.

[Eveunt. Tal. Why, what a fool was 1, not to perceive her passion for the topsy-turvy king, the gentle- SCENE INI.-A prison. The king of the Antiman that carries his head where his heels should podes discovered usleep on a couch. be? But I must tack about I see. [To the QueIN.

Enter Queen. Excuse me, gracious madam! if my

heart Queen. Is this a place --Oh! all ye gods above! Bears sympathy with your's in every part; This a reception for the man I love? With you alike I sorrow and rejoice,

See in what sweet tranquillity he sleeps, Approve your passion, and commend your

While nature's self at his confinement weeps. choice;

Rise, lovely monarch ! sce your friend

appears The captive king

No Chrononhotonthologos is here;

sence.

Till

pare :

Command your freedom, by this sacred ring; SCENE IV.-BOMBARDINIAN's tent.
Then command me:

What says my

charming king?

King and BOMBARDINIAN at a tuble, with two

ladies.
[She puts the ring in his mouth, he bends the

seu-crub, and makes a roaring noise. Bom. This honour, royal sir, so royalizes
Queen. What can this mean! he lays his feet The royalty of your most royal actions,
at mine,

The dumb can only utter forth your praise ;
Is this of love or hate his country's sign? For we, who speak, want words to tell our inear-
Ah! wretched queen! how hapless is thy lot,

ing To love a man that understands thee not ! Here! fill the goblet with Pbalernian wine, Oh! lovely Venus, goddess all divine !

And, while our monarch drinks, bid the shrill And gentle Cupid, that sweet son of thine,

trumpet Assist, assist me, with

your
sacred art,

Tell all the gods, that we propine their healths. And teach me to obtain this stranger's heart. King. Hold, Bombardinian! I esteem it fit,

With so much wine, to eat a little bit. Venus and Cupid descend in her churiot, and Bom. See that the table instantly be spread, sing.

With all that art and nature can produce.

Traverse from pole to pole; sail round the globe, AIR.

Bring every eatable that can be eat; Ven. See Venus does attend thee,

The king shalleat, though all mankind be starved. My diding, my dolding,

Cook. I am afraid his majesty will be starved, Love's goddess will befriend thee,

before I can run round the world for a dinner; Lilly bright and shinee.

besides, where's the money? With pity and compassion,

King. Ha! dost thou prattle, contumacious My dilding, my dolding,

slave? She sees thy tender passion,

Guards, seize the villain ! broil bim, fry him, Lilly, 8c. da capo.

stew him; AIR.—Changes.

Ourselves shall eat him out of inere revenge.

Cook. 0, pray your majesty spare my life; To thee I yield my power divine,

there's some nice cold pork in the pantry: I'll Dance over the lady Lee. Demand whate'er thou wilt, 'tis thine,

bash it for your inajesty in a minute.

Chron. Be thou first hashed in hell, audacious Aly gay lady.

slare! Take this magic wund in hand,

[Rills him, and turns to BOMBARDINIAN. Dance, &c.

Hashed pork! shall Chrononhotonthologos All the world's at thy command,

Be fed with swine's fesh, and at second-hand? My gay, &c. da capo.

Now, by the gods, thou dost insult us, general!

Bom. The gods can witness, that I little AIR.

thought Cupid. Are you a widow, or are you a wise ?

Your majesty to other Aesl than this
Gilly flower, gentle rosemary.

Had aught the least propensity.
Or are you a maiden, so fair and so bright?

[Points to the ladies. As the dew that flies over the mulberry

King. Is this a dinner for a hungry monarch? tree.

Bomb. Monarchs as great as ChrononhotonQueen. Would I uere a widow, as I am a wife! Have made a very hearty meal of worse.

thologos, Gilly flower, 8c. But I'm, to my soi row, a maiden as bright,

King. Ha ! Traitor! dost thou brave me to my As the dew, &c.

teeth? Cupid. You shall be a widów before it is night,

Take this reward, and learn to mock thy master. Gilly flower, 8c.

[Strikes him.

Bom. A blow! shall Bombardinian take a No longer a maiden so fair and so bright,

blow? As the dew, c. Two jolly young husbands your person shall share,

Blush! Blush, thou sun! Start back, thou rapid

ocean! Gilly flower, 8c. And twenty fine babies all lovely and fair,

Hills! vales ! seas ! mountains! all commixing, As the dew, 8c.

crumble,
Queen. O thunks, Mr. Cupid! for this your For Bombardinian bas received a blow,

And into chaos pulverize the world:
good news,
Gilly flower, &c.

And Chrononhotonthologos shall die. [Draws. What woman alive would such favours refuse ?

[The women run off, crying, Help, MurWhile the dea', $c.

der, &c.

King. What means the traitor? [Venus and Cupid re-ascend; the Queen goes Bom. Traitor, in thy teeth!

off, and the king of the Antipodes fol- Thus I defy thee!
lows, walking on his hands.

[They fight; he kills the king.

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