« PreviousContinue »
this new adventure I am recommended to-Let Sir Jas. Well zaid ; I like you; I like un, mame see what is the lady's name? [Takes a let- ster Philpot; I like un; I'll tell you what, let un ter out.] Corinna! ay, ay, by the description, talk to her now. she is a bale of goods; I shall be in rare spirits. Old Phil. And so he shall; George, she is a Ay, this is the way, to indulge one's passions and bale of goods; speak her fair now, and then yet conceal them, and to mind one's business in you'll be in cash. the city, here, as if one had no passions at all; G. Phil. I think I had rather not speak to I long for the evening, methinks. Body o' me, I her now I hate speaking to these modest am a young man still!
women, sir-sir, a word in your ear; had not I
better break my mind, by advertising for her in Enter QUILLDRIVE.
a newspaper ? Quill. Sir Jasper Wilding, sir, and his daugh
Old Phil. Talk sense to her, George ; she is a
notable girl; and I'll give the draft upon the Old Phil. I am at home.
Sir Jas. Come along, master Philpot; come Enter Sir Jasper and Maria.--SIR JASPER, along; I ben't afraid of my girl-come along. dressed as a for-hunter, und singing.
[Exeunt Sir Jasper and OLD Philpot. Old Phil. Sir Jasper, your very humble ser
Maria. A pretty sort of a lover they have found for me.
Aside. Sir Jas. Master Philpot, I be glad to zee ye; I
G. Phil. How shall I speak my mind to her ; am, indeed.
She is almost a stranger to me.
[Aside. Old Phil. The like compliment to you, Sir
Maria. Now, I'll make the hideous thing hatė Jasper. Miss Maria, I kiss your fair hand.
me, if I can.
(Aside. Maria. Sir, your most obedient,
G. Phil. Ay, she is as sharp as a needle, I Sir Jas. Ay, ay, I ha' brought un to zee you.
Aside. There's my girl; i ben't assamed of my girl.
Muria. [Aside.] When will, he begin? Ah, Maria. That's more than I can say of my fa- you fright! You rival, Mr. Beaufort ! I'll give ther; luckily these people are as much strangers him an aversion to me, that's what I will, and so to decoruin as my old gentleman, otherwise this let him have the trouble of breaking off the visit from a lady to meet her lover would have "natch: not a word yet-he is in a fine confuan odd appearance though but late a board- sion. (Looks foolish.) I think I may as well sit ing school girl, I know enough of the world for down, sir. that.
G. Phil. Madam-1-1-1-I'll hand you a Old Phil. Truly, she is a blooming young lady, chair, madam; there, madam! Sir Jasper, and I' verily shall like to take an in
(Bows aukwardly. terest in her.
Muriu. Sir, I thank you. Sir Jas. I ha' brought her to zee ye, and zo
G. Phil. I'll sit down, too. [In confusion. your zon may ha' her as soon as he will.
Maria. Heigbo ! Old Phil. Why, she looks three and a half per
G. Phil. Madain ! cent. better than when I saw her last.
Maria. Sir! Maria. Then, there are hopes that, in a little
G. Phil. I thought-I-I-did not you say time, I shall be above par; he rates me like a
somethiny, madam? lottery ticket.
Mariu. No, sir; nothing. Old Phil. Ay, ay, I doubt not, Sir Jasper :
G. Phil. I beg your pardon, madam. Miss has the appearance of a very sensible, dis Maria. Oh, you are a sweet creature! creet young lady; and to deal freely, without
[Aside. that, she would not do for my son; George is a
G. Phil. The ice is broke, now; I have begun, shrewd lad, and I have often heard him declare, and so, I'll go on. no consideration should ever prevail on him to
[Sits silent, looks foolish, and steals á
look at her. marry a fool, Maria. Ay, you have told me so before, old
Maria. An agreeable interview this! (Aside, gentleman, and I have my cue from my brother; G. Phil, Pray, madam, do you ever go to conand if I don't soon give master George a surfeit certs? of me, why, then, I am not a notable girl.
Maria, Concerts ! what's that, sir? (Aside.
G. Phil. A music meeting,
Maria. I have been at a Quaker's meeting, Enter GEORGE PHILPOT.
but never at a music meeting. G. Phil. A good clever old cuff this; after G. Phil. Lord, madam, all the gay my own heart; I think I will have his daugh- to concerts. She notable ! I'll take courage; she ter, if 'tis only for the pleasure of hunting with is nobody. (Aside.] Will you give me leave to. him.
present you a ticket for the Crown and Anchor, Sir Jas. Zon-in-law, gee us your band; what inadam? zay you? Are you ready for my girl?
Maria. (Looking simple and aukward.] A G. Phil. Say grace as soon as you will, sir, I'll ticket! what is a ticket?
G. Phil. There, madam, at your service.
Alaria. [Curtsies aukwardly.] I long to see virtuous a girl as any in England, and I will newhat a ticket is.
ver be a virtuoso.
[Cries bitterly. G. Phil. What a curtsey there is for the St. G. Phil. But, madam, you mistake me quite. James's end of the town! I hate her; she seems Maria. [In a passion, and checking her tears, to be an idiot.
[Aside. and sobbing:] Sir, I am come of as virtuous peoMuria. Here's a charming ticket he has given ple as any in England-My family was always me. (Aside.) And is this a ticket, sir? remarkable for virtue-My mamma was as good G. Phil. Yes, madam; and is this a ticket? a woman as ever was born, and iny aunt Bridget
[Mimicks her aside. Sobbing.] was a virtuous woman, too; and
there's my sister Sophy, makes as good and virMaria. [Reads.] For sale, by the candle, the tuous a wife as any at all
. And so, sir, don't call following goods—thirty chest, straw huts; fifty me a virtuoso. I won't be brought here to be tubs chip hats; pepper, sago, borar-Ha, ha! treated in this manner-I won't-I won't such a ticket!
Cries bitterly. G. Phil. [-I-1 have made a ipistake, ma G. Phil. The girl's a natural-So much the dam bere, here is the right one.
better. I'll marry her, and lock her up. [Aside.] Maria. You need not mind it, sir; I never go Madam, upon my word, you misunderstand me. to such places.
Maria. 'Sir, [Drying her tears.] I won't be G. Phil. No, madam? I don't know what to called connoisseur by you or any body: And I make of her. Was you ever at White Conduit am no virtuosom I would bave you to know House?
that. Miria. There's a question ! (Aside.] Is that a G. Phil. Madam, connoisseur and virtuoso nobleinan's seat ?
are words for a person of taste. G. Phil. [Luughs.] Simpleton! No, miss, it Maria. Taste!
[Sobbing is not a nobleman's seat -Lord ! 'tis at G. Phil. Yes, madam. Islington.
Maria. And did you mean to say as how I Muria. Lord Islington ! I don't know my Lord am a person of taste? Islington.
G. Phil. Undoubtedly. G. Phil. The town of Islington.
Maria. Sir, your most obedient humble serMaria. I have not the bonour of knowing his vant. Oh, that's another thing. I have a taste, lordship.
to be sure. G. Phil. Islington is a town, madam.
G. Phil. I know you have, madam- you're Maria. Oh! it's a town?
a cursed ninny!
[ Aside. G. Phil. Yes, madam.
Maria. Yes, I know I have; I can read toleMaria. I am glad of it.
rably, and I begin to write a little. G. Phil. What is she glad of? [Aside. G. Phil. Upou my word you have made a
Muria. A pretty husband my papa has chose great progress! What could Old Square-toes for me!
[ Aside. mean, by passing her upon me for a sensible G. Phil. What shall I say to her next? Have girl ? and what a fool I was to be afraid to speak you been at the burletta, madam?
to her! I'll talk to her openly at once. (Aside.] Maria. Where?
Come, sit down, miss; pray, madam, are you G. Phil. The burletta.
inclined to matrimony? Maria. Sir, I would have you to know, that I Muria. Yes, sir. am no such person. I go to burlettas ! I am not G. Phil. Are you in love? what you take me for.
Maria. Yes, sir. G. Phil. Madam
G. Phil. Those naturals are always amorous. Maria. I am conie of good people, sir; and (Aside.] How should you like me? have been properly educated, as a young girl
Maria. Of all thingsought to be.
G. Phil. A girl without ceremony. [Aside.)G. Phil. What a damned fool she is ! [Aside.] Do you love me? The burletta is an opera, madam.
Maria. Yes, sir. Muria. Opera, sir ! I don't know what you G. Phil. But you don't love any body else? mean by this usaye-to affront me in this
Maria. Yes, sir.
G. Phil. Frank and free. [Aside.] But not so G. Phil. Affront! I mean quite the reverse, well as me? macam ; I took you for a connoisseur.
Maria. Yes, sir. Maria. Who, me a connoisseur, sir! I desire
G. Phil. Better, may
be? you won't call me such names; I am sure I ne
Maria. Yes, sir. ver so much as thought of such a thing. Sir, I G. Phil. The devil you do! [Aside.). And, won't be called a connoisseur—I won'- I won't perhaps, if I should marry you, I should have a -I won't.
[Bursts out a crying. chance to be made a G. Phil. Madam, I meant no offence. A Maria. Yes, sir ! connoisseur is a virtuoso.
G. Phil. The case is clear; Miss Maria, your Mariu. Don't virtuoso me! I am no virtu- very humble servant; you are not for my mooso, sir ; I would have you to know it, I am asl ney, I promise you.
Maria. I wonder you a’n't ashamed of yourG. Phil. I have done, madam, that's all; and self, to affront a young girl in this manner. I'll I take
go and tell my papa - I will-I will-I will. Maria. But you'll marry me?
[Crying bitterly. G. Phil. No, madam, no; no such thing G. Phil. And so you may—I have no more You may provide yourself a husband elsewhere: to say to you—And so, your servant, miss—your I am your humble servant.
servant. Maria. Not marry me, Mr. Philpot? But you Maria. Ay! and by goles ! my brother Bob must-My papa said you must-and I will have shall fight you. you.
G. Phil. What care I for your brother Bob? G. Phil. There's another proof of her non
Going - sense ! [Aside.] Make yourself easy, for I shall Maria. How can you be so cruel, Mr. Phil. have nothing to do with you.
pot? how can you--Oh! [Cries and struggles Muria. Not marry me, Mr. Philpot? [Bursts with him. Erit G. Philpot.] Ha, ha! I have into tears.] But I say you shall; and I will carried my brother's scheme into execution have a husband, or I'll know the reason why-charmingly, ha, ha! He will break off the match You shall-you shall.
now, of his own accord ; ha, ha ! This is charmG. Phil. A pretty surt of a wife they intend ing ! this is fine ! this is like a girl of spirit ! for me, here
SCENE 1.-CORinna's Apartment come, madam. Your fair hand looks so tempt
ing, I must kiss it-Oh! I could eat it up--Fair
lady, your lips look so cherry—they actually inEnter CORINNA, Tom following her.
vite the touch-[Kisses.]- Really it makes the Cor. An elderly gentleman, did you say?
difference of cent. per cent. in one's constitution Tom. Yes; that says he has got a letter for
- You have really a mighty pretty fool-On,
you little rogue ! you, madam.
I could sinother you with Cor. Desire the gentleman to walk up stairs. kisses—Oh, you little delicate, charming[Erit Tom )-These old fellows will be coming
(Kisses her. after a body-but they pay well, and so-Ser
G. Phil. [Without.] Gee-oup! Awhi! Awhi! Gallows! Awhi!
Old Phil. Hey! What is all that! Somebody Enter OLD PHILPOT.
Cor. Some young rake, I fancy, coming in, Old Phil. Fair lady, your very humble ser- whether my servants will or no. vant-Truly, a blooining young girl! Madain, I
Old Phil. What shall I do? I will not be seen have a letter here for you, from Bob Poacher, for the world -Can's
hide me in that whom, I presume, you know, Cor. Yes, sir, I know Bob Poacher -he Cor. Dear heart! no, sir; these wild
young is a very good friend of mine—[Reads to her fellows take such liberties-he may take it into self:]—he speaks so handsomely of you, sir, and his head to go in there, and then you will be desays you are so much of the gentleman, that, to tected-get under the table-he shan't remain be sure, sir, I shall endeavour to be agreeable, long, whoever he is—here--here, sir; get under sir.
here. Old Phil. Really you are very agreeable Old Phil. Ay, ay; that will do-don't let him You see I am punctual to my hour.
stay long-Give me another buss-Wounds! I
(Looks at his watch. couldCor. That is a mighty pretty watch, sir.
Cor. Hush! make baste. Old Phil. Yes, madarn, it is a repeater; it has Old Phil. Ay, ay; I will, fair lady-[Creeps been in our family for a long time this is a under the table, and peeps out.] Don't let him mighty pretty lodgirg- I have twenty guineas stay long. heie, in a purse: here they are--
-[Turnsthem Cor. Hush ! silence ! you will ruin all else. out upon the table.]-as pretty golden rogues as ever fair fingers played with.
Enter G. PAILPOT, dressed out. Cor. I am always agreeable to any thing from a gentleman,
G. Phil. Sharper, do your work! Awhi! Old Phil. There are [Aside.]—some light Awhi ! So, my girl, how dust do? guineas amongst them-1 always put off my light Cor. Very well, thank you; I did not expect guineas in this way. You are cxceedingly wel to see you so soon; I thought you was to be at
the club. The servants told me you came back G. Phil. Pho! he is an old curmudgeonfroin the city at two o'clock to dress; and so I And so I will talk no more about him- Come, concluded you would have staid all night as give me a kiss. usual.
Old Phil. The young dog, how he fastens his G. Phil. No ; the run was against me again, lips to her! and I did not care to pursue ill fortune. But I G. Phil. You shall go with me to Epsom next am strong in cash, my girl.
Sunday Cor. Are you?
Cor. Shall I ? that's charming. G. Phil. Yes, yes; suskins in plenty.
G. Phil. You shall, in my chariot-I drive. Old Phil. [Peeping.] Ah, the ungracious ! Cor. But I don't like to see you drive. These are your haunts, are they?
G. Phil. But I like it; I am as good a coachG. Phil
. Yes, yes; I am strong in cash ; Iman as any in England: there was my lord what have taking in old curmudgeon since I saw you. d'ye call him, he kept a stage coach for his own .Cor. As how, pray?
driving; but, lord ! he was nothing to me. Old Phil. [Peeping out.] Ay, as how; let us
G. Phil. Oh, no! I know my road-work, my G. Phil. Why, I'll tell you.
girl; when I have my coachman's hat on—Is my Old Phil. [Peeping.] Ay, let us hear. hat come home? G. Phil. I talked a world of wisdom to him. Cor. It hangs up yonder; but I don't like it. Old Phil. Ay!
G, Phil. Let me see -ay! the very thingG. Phil. Tipt him a few rascally sentiments of Mind me when I go to work-throw my eyes a scoundrelly kind of prudence.
about a few_handle the braces-take the off Old Phil. Ay!
leader by the jaw- here, you-how have you G. Phil. The old curmudgeon chuckled at it. curbed this horse up? Let him out a link; do,
Old Phil. Ay, ay; the old curmudgeon! Ay, you blood of a---whoo, eh! Jewe!! Button! ay.
Whoo, eh! Come here, you sir ; how have you G. Phil. He is a sad old fellow,
coupled Gallows! You know he'll take the bar Old Phil. Ay! go on.
of Sharper-take him in two holes, do—there's G. Phil. And so I appeared to him as deserv- four pretty little knots as any in Englanding of the gallows as he is himself.
Whoo, eh? Old Phil. Well said, boy, well said ; go on. Cor. But can't you let your coachman drive?
G. Phil. And then he took a liking to me G. Phil. No, no ; see me mount the box, hanAy, ay, says he, ay, friendship has nothing to do dle the reins, my wrist turned down, square my with trade; George, thou art à son after my own elbows, stamp with my foot-Gee-up! Of we heart; and then, as I dealt out little maxiins of go~--Button, do you want to have us over? Do penury, he grinned like a Jew broker, when he your work, do- Awhi ! Awhi ! There we bowl has cheated his principal of an eight per cent. away! see how sharp they are–Gallows ! Softly and cried, Ay, ay, that is the very spirit of trade up the hill. [Whistles.) There's a public house -a fool and bis money are soon parted—[ Mi- --Give them a mouthful of water, do; and fetch micking 'him.] And so on he went, like Harle-me a dram-drink it off-gee-up! Awhi! Awbi! quin in a French comedy, tickling himself into There we go, scrambling all together – Reach a good humour, till at last I tickled him out of Epsom in an hour and forty-three minutes, all fifteen hundred and odd pounds.
Lombard Street to an egg-shell, we do-there's Old. Phil. I have a mind to rise and break his your work, my girl! eh ! danın me! bones—but then I discover myself-lie still, Old Phil. Mercy on me! What a profligate, Isaac, lie still.
debauched young dog it is ! G. Phil. Oh, I understand trap; I talked of a
Enter Young WILDING. great house stopping payment. The thing was true enough; but I had no dealings with them. Wild. Ha ! my little Corinna-Sir, your ser
Old Phil. Ay, ay !
G. Phil. And so, for fear of breaking off a G. Phil. Your servant, sir. match with an idiot he wants me to marry, he Wild. Sir, your servant. lent me the money, and cheated me, though. G. Phil. Any commands for me, sir?
Old Phil. Ay, you have found it out, have ye? Wild. For you, sir?
G. Phil. No old usurer in England, grown G. Phil. Yes, for me, sir? hard hearted in his trade, could have dealt worse Wild. No, sir; I have no commands for you, with ine.
I must have commission upon these sir. bills for taking them up for honour of the drawer G. Phil. What's your business? —your bond-lawful interest while I am out of Wild. Business! my money—and the difference of selling out of G. Phil. Ay, business. the stocks an old, miserly, good-for-nothing Wild. Why, very good business, I think; my skin-flint,
little Corinna — my life---my little Old Phil. My blood boils to be at him-Go G. Phil. Is that your business? Pray, sir on; can't you tell us a lirtle more!
not so free, sir.
Wild. Not so free!.
G. Phil. No, sir, that lady belongs to me. Old Phil. (Rising.)-In troth so I am-but Wild. To you, sir?
there you may exercise yourself again, if you G. Phil. Yes, to me.
please. Wild. To you ! who are you?
G. Phil. No more for me, sir-I thank you. G. Phil. As good a man as you.
Old Phil. I have made but a bad voyage of it; Wildl
. Upon my word! who is this fellow, Co- the ship is sunk, and stock and block lost. rinna? some journeyman tailor, I suppose, who
[ Aside. chooses to try on the gentleman's clothes before Wild. Ha, ha! Upon my soul, I can't help he carries them home.
laughing at this old square toes; as for you, sir, 6. Phil. Tailor! What do you mean by that? you have had what you deserved; ha, lia! You You lie! I am no tailor.
are a kind of cull, I suppose; ha, ha! And you, Wild. You shall give me satisfaction for that! reverend dad, you must come here tottering G. Phil. For what?
after a punk; ha, ha! Wild. For giving me the lie.
Old Phil. On! George ! George! G. Phil. I did not.
G. Phil. Oh! Father! Father ! Wild. You did, sir.
Wild. Ha, ha! What, father and son ! And so G. Phil. You lie; I'll bet you five pounds I you have found one another out, ha, ha! Well, did not-but if you have a mind for a frolic- you may have business; and so, gentlemen, I'll let me put by my sword—now sir, come on. leave you to yourselves. [Exit Wilding,
(In a boring attitude. G. Phil. This is too much to bear-What an Wild. Why, you scoundrel, do you think I infamous jade she is! all her contrivance! don't want to box ? Draw, sir, this moment!
be angry with me, sir; I'll go my ways this moG. Phil. Nol-come in.
ment, tie myself up in the matrimonial noose, Wild. Draw, or l'll cut you to pieces. and never have any thing to do with these courses G. Phil. I'll give you satisfaction this way. again.
(Going [Pushes at him. Old Phil. And, hark'e, George, tie me up in Wild. Draw, sir, draw ! You won't draw ! a real noose, and turn me off as soon as you will. There, take that, sirrah—and that-and that, you
(Exeunt. scoundrel. Old Phil. Ay, ay; well done ; lay it on.
[Peeps out. SCENE 1.- A room in Sir JASPER WILDING'S Wild. And there, you rascal; and there.
house. Old Phil. Thank you, thank you; could not you find in your heart to lay on another for me? Enter BEAUFORT, dressed as a lawyer, and Sir
Cor. Pray, don't be in a such a passion, sir. JASPER WILDING with a bottle aud glass in
Wild. My dear Corinna, don't be frightened; his hand. I shall not murder him.
Ou Phil. I am safe here-lie still, Isaac, lie Beau. No, more, Sir Jasper; I can't driuk any still-I am safe.
more. Wild. The fellow has put me out of breath. Sir Jas. Why, you be but a weezen-faced [Sits down.]-Old PullPot's watch strikes ten drinker, master Quagmire; come, man, finish under the table.)-Whose watch is that?--[Stares this bottle. round.]-Hey? what is all this ?-[Looks under Beau. I beg to be excused; you had better the table.)-Your humble servant, sir! turn out; let me read over the deeds to you. pray turn out; you won't—then I'll unshell you. Sir Jas. Zounds ! 'tis all about out houses, and [Takes away table.]—Your very humble ser- messuages, and barns, and stables, and orchards,
and meadows, and lands, and tenements, and G. Phil. Zounds ! My father there all this woods, and under-woods, and commons, and time!
[Aside backsides. I am o' the commission for Wilts, Wild. I suppose you will give me the lie, too? and I know the ley; and so truce with your jar
Old Phil. (Still on the ground.]—No, sir, not gon, Mr. Quagmire. I, truly; but the gentleman, there, may divert Beau. But, sir, you don't consider, marriage is himself again, if he has a mind.
an affair of importance; it is contracted between G. Phil. No, sir, not I; I pass.
persons, first, consenting ; secondly, free from Old Phil. George, you are there, I see? canonical impediments; thirdly, free from civil G. Phil. Yes, sir; and you are there I see. impediments, and can only be dissolved for caWild. Come, rise ; who is this old fellow? nonical causes, or levitical causes. See Leviti
Cor. Upon my word, I don't know-as I live cus xviii, and xxviii. Harry VIII. chap. vii. and breathe, I don't. He came after my maid, I Sir Jas. You shall drink t'other bumper, an suppose;
I'll and ask her-let me run out of you talk of ley. the way, and hide myself from this scene of con
Enter a Seroant. fusion!
[Erit CORINNA. G. Phil. What an imp of hell she is! (Aside. Ser. Old Mr. Philpot, sir, and his son.
Wild. Come, get up, sir; you are too old to Sir Jas. Wounds ! that's right; they'll take be beat.
me out of the hands of this lawyer here. (Exit.