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tleman for better or worse.' 'La, mamma, I can he is grown fond of this beau Lovelace, who is never consent'I should not have though here in the house with him; the coxcomb ingra: of your consent—the consent of your relations is tiates himself by flattery, and you are undone by enough: why how now, hussy!' So, away you frankness ! go to church, the knot is tied, an agreeable ho Wood. And yet, Dimity, I wou't despair. ney-inoon follows, the charm is then dissolved; Dim. And yet you have reason to despair; a you go to all the clubs in St. James's street: your million of reasons-To-morrow is fixed for the lady goes to the Coterie; and, in a little time, wedding-day; Sir Charles and his lady are to be you both go to Doctor's Commons; and, if faults here this very night; they are engaged, indeed, on both sides prevent a divorce, you'il quarrel at a great route in town, but they take a bed like contrary elements all the rest of your lives : here, notwithstanding. The family is sitting up that's the way of the world now.
for them; Mr. Drugget will keep you all up in Wood. But you know, my dear Dimity, the old the next room there, till they arrive; and tocouple have received every mark of attention morrow the business is over; and yet you don't
despair! hush ! hold your tongue; here comes Dim. Attention! to be sure you did not fall Lovelace. Step in, and I'll advise something, I asleep in their company; but what then? You warrant you. (Esrit Woodley.) The old folks should bave entered into their characters, played shall not have their own way; 'tis enough to vex with their humours, and sacrificed to their absur- a body, to see an old father and mother marrying dities.
their daughter as they please, in spite of all I Wood. But if my temper is too frank
(Erit. Din. Frank, indeed! yes, you have been frank euough to ruin yourself. Have you not to do Enter DRUGGET and LOVELACE. with a rich old shopkeeper, retired from business with an hundred thousand pounds in his pocket, Drug. And so you like my house and gardens, to enjoy the dust of the London road, which he Mr. Lovelace? calls living in the country—and yet you must find Love. Oh! perfectly, sir; they gratify my fault with his situation! What if he has made taste of all things. One sees villas, where iraa ridiculous gimcrack of his house and gardens, ture reigns in a wild kind of simplicity; bat you know his heart is set upon it; and could not then, they have no appearance of art
--no art you commend his taste? But you must be too
at all. frank! Those walks and alleys are too regular Drug. Very true, rightly distinguished; those evergreens should not be cut into such fan- now, mine is all art; no wild nature here; I did: tastic shapes! And thus you advise a poor old it myself. mechanic, who delights in every thing that's
Love. What! had you none of the great promonstrous to follow nature -Oh, you are likely ficients in gardening to assist you? to be a successful lover !
Drug. Lack-a-day! nomha, ha! I underWood. But why should I not save a father-in- stand these things - I love my garden. The front law from being a laughing stock?
of my house, Mr. Lovelace, is not that very Dim. Make him your father-in-law first. pretty?
Wood. Why, he can't open his windows for Love. Elegant to a degre! the dust-he stands all day looking through a Drug. Don't you like the sun-dial, placed just pane of glass at the carts and stage-coaches as by my dining-room windows ? they pass by; and he calls that living in the fresh Love. A perfect beauty! air, and enjoying his own thoughts!
Drug. I knew you'd like it-and the motto is Dim. And could not you let him go on in his so well adapted— Tempus edar & index rerum. own way? You have ruined yourself by talking And I know the meaning of it-Time eateth, and sense to him; and all your nonsense to the discovereth all things, ha, ha! pretty, Mr. Lovedaughter won't make amends for it. And then lace?-I have scen people so stare at it as they the mother; how have you played your cards in pass by-ha, ha! that quarter-She wants a tinsel man of fa Love. Why now, I don't believe there's a po. shion for her second daughter-Don't you see,' bleman in the kingdom has such a thing? (says she) how happy my eldest girl is made by Drug. Ob vo—they have got into a false. marrying Sir Charles Racket? She lias been taste. I bought that bit of ground, the other married three entire weeks, and not so much as side of the road—and it looks very pretty--I one angry word has passed between them made a duck-pond there, for the sake of the Nancy shall have a man of quality, too!' prospect.
Wood. And yet I know Sir Charles Racket Love. Charmingly imagined ! perfectly well.
Drug. My leaden images are wellIyim. Yes, su do I; and I know he'll make his Love. They exceed ancient statuary. Jady wretched at last. But what then? You Drug. I love to be surprised at the turning of should have humoured the old folks; you should a walk with an inanimate figure, that looks you have been a talking, empty fop, to the good old full in the face, and can say nothing to you, lady; and to the old gentleman, an admirer of while one is enjoying one's own thoughts—ha, bis taste in gardening. But you have lost him:
I must step
ha! -Mr. Lovelace, I'll point out a beauty to Dim. Mortally. you~Just by the haw-haw, at the end of my Love. Say no more, the business is done. ground, there is a fine Dutch figure, with a scythe
Erit. in his hand, and a pipe in his mouth-that's a Dim. If he says one word old Drugget will jewel, Mr. Lovelace.
never forgive hin---- My brain was at its last Love. That escaped me: a thousand thanks shift; but if this plot takes-So, here comes our for pointing it out-1 observe you have two very Nancy. fine yew-trees before the house. Drug. Lack-a-day, sir, they look uncouth
Enter NANCY. I have a design about them— I intend-ha, ha! it will be very pretty, Mr. Lovelace-I intend to Nan. Well, Dimity, what's to become of have them cut into the shape of the two giants at Guildhall-ha, ha!
Dim. My stars ! what makes you up, Miss? Love. Nobody understands these things like - I thought you were gone to bed! you, Mr. Drugget.
Nan. What should I go to bed for? Only to Drug. Lack-a-day! it's all my delight now tumble and toss, and fret, and be uneasy--ibey - this is what I have been working for. I have are going to marry me, and I am frighted out of a great improvement to make still — I propose to my wits. have my evergreens cut into fortifications; and Dim. Why then, you're the only young lady, then I shall have the Moro Castle, and the within fifty miles round, that would be frightenIlavanna; and then nearit shall be ships of myrtle, ed at such a thing. sailing upon seas of box to attack the town: won't
Nan. Ah! if they would let me chuse for mye that make my place look very rural, Mr. Lovelace? self.
Lode. Why you have the most fertile inven Dim. Don't you like Mr. Lovelace? tion, Mr. Drugget
Nan. My mamma does, but I don't; I don't Drug. Ha, ha! this is what I have been work- mind his being a man of fashion, not I. ing for. I love my garden—but I must beg
Dim. And, pray, can you do better than folyour pardon for a few moments.
low the fashion? and speak with a famous nursery-man, who is
Nan, Ah! I know there's a fashion for new come to offer me some choice things. Do, yo bonnets, and a fashion for dressing the hairand join the company, Mr. Lovelace—my but I never heard of a fashion for the heart. daughter Racket and Sir Charles will be here Dim. Why thell, iny dear, the heart ipostly presently sha'n't go to bed till I see them follows the fashion now. -ha, ha!
-my place is prettily variegated Nan. Does it!-pray who sets the fashion of --this is what I have been working for-1 fined the heart? for sheriff to enjoy these things-a, ha! [Erit.
Dim. All the fine ladies in London, o'my conLove. Poor Mr. Drugget! Mynheer Van science, Thundertentrunck, in his little box at the side
Nun. And what's the last new fashion, pray? of a dike, has as much taste and elegance Dim. Why, to marry any fop, that has a few However, if I but carry off his daughter, if I deceitful, agrecable appearances about him; can but rob his garden of that Aowerwhy, I something of a pert phrase, a good operator for then shall say, - This is what I have been work- the tecth, and tolerable tailor. ing for.'
Nan. And do they marry without loving?
Dim. Oh! marrying for love bas been a great Enter DIMITY.
while out of fashion.
Nan. Why, then, I'll wait till that fashion Dim. Do lend us your assistance, Mr. Love- comes up again. lace you're a sweet gentleman, and love a good Dim. And then, Mr. Lovelace, I reckonuatured action.
Nan. Pshaw! I don't like him : he talks to me Love. Why, how now! what's the matter? as if he was the most miserable man in the world,
Dim. My master is going to cut the two yew- and the confident thing looks so pleased with trees into the shape of two devils, I believe; and himself all the while! I want to marry for love, my poor mistress is breaking her heart for it.- and not for card-playing I should not be able Do run and advise him against it-she is your to bear the life my sister leads with Sir Charles friend, you know she is, sir.
Racket-and I'll forfeit my new cap, if they Love. Oh, if that's all I'll make that mat- don't quarrel soon. ter easy directly.
Dinn. Oh fie! no! they won't quarrel yet a Dim. My mistress will be for ever obliged to while. A quarrel in three weeks after maryou; and you'll marry her daughter in the morn- riage would be somewhat of the quickest— By ing
and by we shall hear of their whims and their Love. Oh, my rhetoric shall dissuade him. humours. Well, but if you don't like Mr. Love
Dim. And, sir, put him against dealing with lace, what say you to Mr. Woodley? that nursery-man; Mrs. Drugget hates him. Nan. Ah! I don't know what to say But Love. Does she?
I can sing something that will explain my mind.
Enter Mrs. DRUGGET,
Mrs. Drug. Did you send for me, lovey? When first the dear youth, passing by, Disclosed his fair form to my sight,
Drug. The yew-trees shall be cut into the gi
ants of Guildhall, whether you will or not. I gazed, but could not tell why;
Mrs. Drug. Sure my own dear will do as he My heart it went throb with delight.
pleases. As nearer he drew, those sweet eyes
Drug. And the pond, though you praise the Were with their dear meuning so bright,
green banks, shall be walled round, and I'll have I trembled, and lost in surprize,
a little fat boy in marble, spouting up water
in the middle. My heart it went throb with delight.
Mrs. Drug. My sweet, who hinders you? When bis lips their dear accents did try
Drug. Yes, and I'll buy the nursery-man's The return of my love to ercite,
whole catalogue-Do you think, after retiring to I feigned, yet began to guess why
live all the way here, almost four miles from My heart it went throb with delight.
London, that I won't do as I please in my own
garden? We changed the stolen glance, the fond smile, Mrs. Drug. My dear, but why are you in such Which lovers alone read aright;
a passion? We looked, and we sighed, yet the while
Drug. I'll have the lavender pig, and the AOur hearts they went throb with detight. dam and Eve, and the Dragon of Wantley, and
all of them; and there sha'n't be a more romanConsent I soon blushed, with a sigh,
tic spot on the London road than mine. My promise I ventured to plight;
Mrs. Drug. I am sure it's as pretty as hands Come, Hymen, we then shall know why
can make it. Our heurts they go throb with delight.
Drug. I did it all myself, and I'll do more Enter WOODLEY.
-And Mr. Lovelace sha'n't have my
daughter. Wood. My sweetest angel! I have heard all,
Mrs. Drug. No! what's the matter now, Mr. and my heart overflows with love and gratitude.
Drugget? Nan. Ah! but I did not know you was listen
Drug. He shall learn better manners than to ing! You should not have betrayed me so, Di
abuse my house and gardens. You put him at mity: I shall be angry with you.
the head of it, but I'll disappoint ye both—And Dim. Well, I'll take my chance for that. Run both into my room, and say all your pretty match is quite off.
so you may go and tell Mr. Lovelace, that the things to one another there, for here comes the
Mrs. Drug. I can't comprehend all this, not I; old gentleman-make haste! away!
but I'll tell him so, if you please, my dear. I (Ereunt WOODLEY and Nancy.
am willing to give myself pain, if it will give you Enter DRUGGET.
pleasure: must I give myself pain? Don't ask me, pray don'ı; I don't like
pain. Drug. A forward, presuming coxcomb! Die
Drug. I am resolved, and it shall be so. mity, do you step to Mrs. Drugget, and send her
Mrs. Drug. Let it be so, then. (Cries.] Oh, bither.
oh, cruel man! I shall break my heart, if the Dim. Yes, sir; it works upon him, I see. match is broke off—if it is not concluded to
morrow, send for an undertaker, and bury me Drug. The yew-trees ought not to be cut, be the next day. cause they'll help to keep off the dust, and I am
Druy. How! I don't want that neither. too near the road already--a sorry, ignorant fup!
Mrs. Drug. Oh, oh! When I am in so fine a situation, and can see Drug. I am your lord and master, my dear, every carriage that goes by: And then to. a- but not your executioner Before George, it buse the nursery-man's rarities ! A finer sucking must never be said, that my wife died of too pig in lavender, with sage growing in his belly, much compliance Chear up, my love and was never seen! And yet he wants me not to this affair shall be settled as soon as Sir Charles have it-But have it I will! There's a fine tree and Lady Racket arrive. of knowledge, too, with Adam and Eve in juni
Mrs. Drug. You bring me to life again. You per; Eve's nose not quite grown, but it is thought know, my sweet, what an happy couple Sir in the spring will be very forward--I'll have Charles and his lady arem --Why should not we that, too, with the serpent in ground ivy
make our Nancy as happy? two poets in wormwood-I'll have them both.Ay; and there's a lord mayor's feast in honey
Enter DINITY. suckle; and the whole court of aldermen in hornbeam: and three modern beaux in jessamine, Dim. Sir Charles and his lady, madam. somewhat stunted: they all shall be in my gar Mrs. Drug. Oh, charming ! I'm transported den, with the Dragon of Wantley in box-all-all with joy! Where are they? I long to see them! -I'll have them all, let my wite and Mr. Love
[Erit. lace say what they will
mnoho chich, like the lying gole, eicestnon etni Jady Rac. Three hundred.
Dim. Well, sir ! the happy couple are arri Lady Rac. No; dear me! this glove! why ved.
don't you help me off with my glove? pshaw ! Drug. Yes, they do live happy, indeed! You aukward thing, let it alone! you a'n't fit to Dim. But how long will it laşi?
be about me; I might as well not be married, Drug. How long! Don't forebode any ill, you for any use you are of. Reach me a chair; you jade! don't, I say it will last during their lives, have no compassion for me- I am so glad to sit I hope !
down! why do you drag ine to routes? You know Dim. Well, mark the end of it. Sir Charles, I hate them? I know, is gay and good humoured—but he Sir Cha. Oh, there's no existing, no breathing, can't bear the least contradiction, no, not in the unless one does as other people of fashion do. merest trifle.
Lady Rac. But I'm out of humour; I lost all Drug. Hold your tongue-hold your tongue! my money.
Dim. Yes, sir, I have done—and yet there is, Sir Cha. How much? in the Sir a certain hu.
Sir Cha. Never fret for that I don't vaturbance to the family, till it settles in the head lue three hundred pounds to contribute to your -When once it fixes there, mercy on every body happiness. about him! but here he comes. [Exit. Lady Rac. Don't you? not value three hun
dred pounds to pleasure me? Enter Sir CHARLES.
Sir Cha. You know I don't.
Lady Rac. Ah, you fond fool! But I hate Sir Cha. My dear sir, I kiss your hand—but gaming. It almost metamorphoses a woman iswhy stand ou cerem
emony? To find you up thus to a fury! Do you know that I was frighted at late, mortifies me beyond expression.
myself several times to-night? I had a huge oath Drug. 'Tis but once in a way, Sir Charles. at the very tip of my tongue.
Sir Cha. My obligations to you are inexpres Sir Cha Had ye? sible; you have given me the most amiable Lady Rac. I caught myself at it; and so I of girls; our tempers accord like unisons in mu- bit my lips; and then I was cranimed up in a sic.
corner of the room with such a strange party at Drug. Ah, that's what makes me happy in my a whist-table, looking at black and red spots ; old days! my children and my garden are all my did you mind them?
Sir Cha. You know I was busy elsewhere. Sir Cha. And my friend Lovelace-he is to Lady Rac. There was that strange unaccounthave our sister Nancy, I find.
able woman, Mrs. Nightshade. She behaved Drug. Why, my life is so minded,
so strangely to her husband, a poor, inoffensive, Sir Cha. Oh, by all means, let her be made good-natured, good sort of a good-for-nothing happy! A very pretty fellow, Lovelace! and, as man; but she so teazed him~ How could you to that Mr.Woodley, I think you call him—he play that card ? Ah, you have a head, and so is but a plain, underbred, ill-fashioned sort of a has a pin! You are a numscult, you know you --nobody knows him; he is not one of us—Oh, are-Madam, he has the poorest head in the by all means marry her to one of us.
world; he does not know what he is about Drug. I believe it must be so— -Would you you know you don't -Ah, fye! I am ashatake any refreshment?
med of you ! Sir Cha. Nothing in nature—it is time to re Sir Cha. She has served to divert you, I see. tire.
Lady Rac. And then, to crown all, there was Drug. Well, well! good night, then, Sir my Lady Clackit, who runs on with an eternal Charles-Ha! here comes my daughter volubility of nothing, out of all season, time, and Good night, Sir Charles !
place. In the very midst of the game, she be Sir Cha. Bon repos,
gins-Lard, madam, I was apprehensive I Drug: [Going out.] My Lady Racket, I'm should not be able to wait on your ladyslip glad to hear how happy you are; I won't detain my poor little dog, Pompey—the sweetest you now, there's your good man waiting for thing in the world-a spade led !-there's the you: good night, my girl!
[Erit. knave-I was fetching å walk, me'm, the other Sir Cha. I must humour this old putt, in or- morning in the Park-a fine frosty morning it der to be remembered in his will.
was I love frosty weather of all things-let
me look at the last trick-and so, me'm, little Pony Enter LADY RACKET.
pey—and if your ladyship was to see the dear Lady Rac. O la! I am quite fatigued; I can creature pinched with the frost, and wincing hardly move—why don't you belp me, you bar- bis steps along the Mall with his pretty little barous man?
innocent face-I vow I don't know what to Sir Cha. There ! take my arm L". Was play--and so, me'm, while I was talking to ever thing so pretty made to walk ?"
Captain Flimsey-Your ladyship knows Capiain Lady Rac. But I won't be laughed at I Flimsey? –Nothing but rubbish in my hand don't love you.
I can't help it and so, me'm, five odious Sir Cha. Don't you?
friglıts of dogs beset my poor little Pompey
the dear creature has the heart of a lion, but | voke the patience of a Stoick.--[Looks at her, who can resist five at once? And so Pompey and she walks about, and laughs uneasy.] Very barked for assistance the hurt he received well, inadam-you know no more of the game was upon his chest—the doctor would not ad- than your father's leaden Hercules on the top of vise him to venture out till the wound was healed, the house —You know no more of whist, than he for fear of an inflammation.Pray what's does of gardening. trumps ?"
Lady Rac. Ha, ha, ha! Sir Cha. My dear, you would make a most [Takes out a glass, and settles her hair. excellent actress !
Sir Cha. You're a vile woman, and I'll not Lady Rac. Well, now let us go to rest -but sleep another night under the same roof with Sir Charles, how shockingly you played that last you. rubber, when I stood looking over you !
Lady Rac. As you please, sir. Sir Cha. My love, I played the truth of the Sir Cha. Madam, it shall be as I please--I'II game.
order my chariot this moment-[Going.) I know Lady Rac. No, indeed, my dear, you played how the cards should be played as well as any
man in England, that let me tell you—(Going.) Sir Cha. Pho! nonsense ! you don't under- And when your family were standing behind stand it.
counters, measuring out tape, and bartering for Lady Rac. I beg your pardon; I am allowed Whitechapel needles, my ancestors, madam, my to play better than you.
ancestors were squandering away whole estate's Sir Cha. All conceit, my dear; I was perfectly at cards ; whole estates, my Lady Racket-(She right.
hums a tune, and he looks at her.] Why, therr, Lady Rac. No such thing, Sir Charles; the dia- by all that's dear to me, I'll never exchangé anmond was the play.
other word with you, good, bad, or indifferent! Sir Cha. Pho, pho, ridiculous! the club was -Look'e, my Lady Racket, thus it stood - the the card against the world.
trump being led, it was then my businessLady Rac. Oh, no, no, no! I say it was the Lady Rac. To play the diamond, to be sure. diamond!
Sir Chu. Damn it! I have done with you for Sir Cha. Zounds, madam ! I say iawas the ever, and so you may tell your father. club!
[Erit Sir Cria. Ludy Rac. What do you fly into such a pas Lady Rae. What a passion the gentleman's in! sion for?
ha, ha! (Laughs in a peevish manner.) I proivise Sir Cha. 'Sdeath and fury, do you think I him, I'll not give up my judgment. don't know wbat I am about? I tell you once more, the club was the judgment of it.
Enter Sir CHARLES. Lady Rac. May be so-have it your own way.
Sir Cha. My lady Racket, look'e, ma'am (Walks about, and sings. once more, out of pure goodnatureSir Cha. Vexation! you are the strangest wo Lady Rac. Sir, I am convinced of your good man that ever lived ! there's no conversing with nature. you-Look'e here, my lady Racket-it's the Sir Cha. That, and that only, prevails with clearest case in the world; I'll make it plain in a me to tell you, the club was the play. moment.
Lady Rac. Well, be it so—I have no objecLady Rac. Well, sir! ha, ha, ha!
tion. [With a sneering laugh. Sir Cha. It's the clearest point in the world Sir Cha. I had four cards left-a trump was we were vine, and led-they were six-no no, no; they were seven, Lady Rac. And for that very reason-You and we nine-then you know-the beauty of know the club was the best in the house. the play was to
Sir Cha. There is no such thing as talking to Lady Rac. Well, now, it's amazing to me that you—You're a base woman—I'll part from you you can't see it-give me leave, Sir Charles—your for ever; you may live here with your father, left hand adversary had led his last trump--and and admire his fantastical evergreens, till you he had before finessed the club, and roughed the grow as fantastical yourself—I'll set out for Londiamond-now, if you had put on your dia- don this instant--(Stops at the door.] The club mond
was not the best in the house. Sir Cha. Zounds ! madam, but we played for Lady Rac. How calm you are! Well !-- I'll the odd trick!
go to bed; will you come? - You had betterLady Rac. And sure, the play for the odd come then-you shall come to-bed-not conie trick
to bed when I ask you? - Poor Sir Charles ! Sir Cha. Death and fury! can't you hear me?
(Looks and laughs, then erit. Lady Rac. Go on, sir.
Sir Cha. That ease is provoking. [Crosses to Sir Che. Zounds! hear me, I say-Will you the door where she went out.}- I tell you the diahear me?
mond was not the play, and here I take my final Lady Rac. I never heard the like in my life. leave of you--(Walks back as fast as he cun)
(Huns e tune, and walks about frei fully. I am resolved upon it, and I know the club was Sir Cha Why, then, you are enough to pro- l not the best in the house.