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SCENE I.-DRUGGET's Country House. Drug. Hey, how !-a vile woman-what has
she done?-I hope she is not capable Enter Dimity.
Sir Cha. I shall enter into no detail, Mr. Drug. Dim. Ha, ha, ha! Oh, Heavens! I shall ex- get; the time and circumstances wont allow it pire in a fit of laughing !-this is the modish at present-But depend upon it, I have done couple, that were so happy_such a quarrel as with her—a low, unpolished, uneducated, false, they have had the whole house is in an uproar! imposing -See if the horses are put-to! ha, ha! a rare proof of the happiness they enjoy Drug. Mercy on me! in my old days to bear in high life! I shall never hear people of fashion this ! mentioned again, but I shall be ready to die in a fit of laughter-ho, ho, ho! this is THREE
Enter Mrs. DRUGGET. WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE, I think !
Mrs. Drug. Deliver me! I am all over in such Enter DRUGGET.
a tremble-Sir Charles, I shall break my heart, Drug. Hey! how! what's the matter, Dimity? if there's any thing amiss ! What am I called down stairs for?
Sir Cha. Madam, I am very sorry, for your Dim. Why, there's two people of fashion sake; but there is no possibility of living with
[Stifles a laugh her. Drug. Why, you saucy minx ! -Explain Mrs. Drug. My poor, dear girl! what cau she this moment.
have done! Dim. The fond couple have been together by Sir Cha. What all ber sex can do! the very the ears this half hour—are you satisfied now? spirit of them all.
Drug. Ay!-what! have they quarelled ? Drug. Ay, ay, ay! she's bringing foul diswhat was it about?
grace upon us-This comes of her marrying a Dim. Something above my comprehension, and man of fashion ! your's too, I believe-People in high life under Sir Cha. Fashion, sir :-that should have irstand their own forms best-And here comes one structed her better-she might have been sensithat can unriddle the whole affair, [E.rit Dim. ble of her happiness-Whatever you may think
of the fortune you gave her, my rank commands Enter SiR CUARLES.
respect-claims obedience, atiention, truth, and Sir Cha. [To the people within.) I say, let the love, from one raised in the world, as she bas horses be put to this moment-So, Mr. Drugget. been by an alliance with me.
Drug. Sir Charles, here's a terrible bustle-I Drug::And let me tell you, however you may did not expect this
what can be the matter? estimate your quality, my daughter is dear to Sir Cha. I have been used by your daughter me. in so base, so contemptuous a manner, that I am Sir Cha. And, sir, my character is dear to determined not to stay in this house to-night.
Drug. This is a thunder-bolt to me! after see Drug. Yet, you must give me leave to tell ing how elegantly and fashionably you lived to yougether, to find now all sunshine vanished-Do, Sir Cha. I won't hear a word ! Sir Charles, let me heal this breach, if possible! Drug. Not in behalf of my own daughter?
Sir Cha. Sir, 'tis impossible—I'll not live with Sir Cha. Nothing can excuse her—'tis to no her a day longer.
purpose—she has married above her; and if that Drug: Nay, nay, don't be over hasty, let me circumstance makes the lady forget herself
, she intreat you-go to bed, and sleep upon it-in the shall at least see, that I can and will support morning, when you're cool
my own dignity. Sir Cha. Oh, sir, I am yery
cool I assure you,
Drug. But, sir, I have a right to askha, ha!-it is not in her power, sir, tuma-a Mrs. Drug. Patience, my dear; be a little to disturb the serenity of my temper-Don't ima- calm. gine that I'm in a passion- I'm not so easily ruf. Drug. Mrs. Drugget, do you have patience; Hed as you may imagine-But, quietly and deli- I must and will enquire. berately, I can repay the injuries done me by a Mrs. Drug. Don't
be so hasty, my lore; hare false, ungrateful, deceitful wife.
some respect for Sir Charles's rank; don't be vioDrug. The injuries done you by a false, un- lent with a man of his fashion. grateful wife ! not my daughter, I hope
Drug. Hold your tongue, woman, I say ! Sir Cha. Her character is now fully'known to you're not a person of fashion, at least-My me she's a vile woman! that's all I have to daughter was ever a good girl.
Sir Cha. I have fonnd her out, .
Drug. Ob then it is all over-and it does not Wood. Not yet—he makes a bawling yonder signify arguing about it.
for his horses—I'll step and call him to you. Mrs. Drug. That ever I should live to see
[Erit Wood. this hour! how the unfortunate girl could take Drug. I am out of all patience-I am out of such wickedness in her head, I can't imagine, my seuses-I must see him once more-Mr. I'll go and speak to the unhappy creature this Lovelace, neither you nor any person of fashion
[Erit Mrs. Drug. shall ruin another daughter of nine. Sir Cha. She stands detected now-detected
[Exit Drug. in her truest colours !
Lore. Droll this !- damned droll; and every Drug. Well, grievous as it may be, let me syllable of it Arabic to me--the queer old puit hear the circumstance of this unhappy business. is as whimsical in his notions of life as of garden
Sir Cha. Mr. Drugget,'I have not leisure now; ing. If this be the case-I'll brush, and leave but her behaviour has been so exasperating, that him to his exotics.
[Exit Love. I shall make the best of my way to town_My mind is fixed-She sees me no more ; and so,
Enter Lady Racket, MRS DRUGGET, and
Dimity. your servant, sir.
(Exit Sur. Cha Drug. What a calamity has here befallen us! Lady Rac. A cruel, barbarous man! to quara good girl, and so well disposed, till the evil rel in this unaccountable manner; to alarm the communication of high life, and fashionable whole bouse, and expose me and himself too! vices turned ber to folly!
Mrs. Drug. Oh! child, I never thought it Enter LoveLACE.
would bare come to this-your sbame won't end
here! it will be all over St. James's parish before * Love. Joy, joy! Mr. Drugget, I give you joy! to-morrow morning!
Drug. Don't" insult me, sir! I desire you Lady Rac. Well, if it must be so, there's one won't.
comfort, the story will tell more to bis disgrace Love. Insult you, sir! is there any thing in-than mine.'. sulting, my dear sir, if I take the liberty to con Dim. As I'm a sinner, and so it will, madam, gratulate you on
He deserves wbat he has met with, I think, Drug. There! there !--the manners of high Mrs. Drug. Dimity, don't you encourage her life for you!-- he thinks there's nothing in all this -you sbock me lo hear you speak som I did not the ill behaviour of a wite he thinks an orna- think you bad been so hardened. ment to her character-Mr. Lovelace, you shall Lady Ruc. Hardened do you call it?- I have have no daughter of mine.
lived in the world to very little purpose, if such Love. My dear sir, never bear malice-I have trifles as these are to disturb my rest. reconsidered the thing; and curse catch me, if Mrs. Drug. You wicked girl ! -Do you call it I don't think your notion of the Guildhall giants, a trifle, to be guilty of falsehood to your husand the court of aldermen in hornbeam
band's bed? Drug. Well, well, well! there may be people Lady Rac, How ! at the court end of the town in hornbeam, too.
[Turns short, and stares at her. Love. Yes, faith, so there may-and I believe Dim. That! that's a mere trifle, indeed !-I I could recommend you to a tolerable collection have been in as good places as any body, and ---however, with your daughter I am ready to not a creature minds it now,
Mrs. Drug. My Lady Racket, my Lady RacDrug. But I am not ready—I'll not venture kel, I never could think to see you come to this my girl with you—no more daughters of mine deplorable shame! shall have their minds depraved by polite vices. Lady Rac. Surely the base man has not been Enter WOODLEY.
capable of laying any thing of that sort to my
charge. [.Aside.All this is unaccountable to Mr. Woodley-you shall have Nancy to your me--ha, ha !-'tis ridiculous beyond measure! wife, as I promised you-take her to-morrow
Dim. That's right, madam-laugh at it-you morning.
served him right. Wood. Sir, I have not words to express Mrs, Drug. Charlotte ! Charlotte ! I'm asto
Love. What the devil is the matter with the nished at your wickedness! old haberdasher now?
Lady Rac. Well, I protest and vow I don't .. Drug. And hark ye, Mr. Woodley ?-I'll make comprehend all this. Has Sir Charles accused you a present for your garden, of a coronation ne of any impropriety in my conduct? dinner in greens, with ihe champion riding on Mrs. Drug Oh! too true, he has—be has found horseback, and the sword will be full growu be- you out; and you have bebaved basely he says. fore April next.
Lady Rac. Madam! Wood. I shall receive it, sir, as your favour. Mrs. Drug. You have fallen into frailty, like Drug. Ay, ay! I see my error in wanting an many others of your sex, he says; and he is realliance with great folks--I had rather have you, solved to come to a separation directly. Mr. Woodley, for my son-in-law, than
any court Lady Rac. Why, then, if he is so base a wretch ly fop of them all. Is this man goue -Is Siras to dishonour me in that manner, bis heart sliäll Charles goue ?
ache before I live with him again,
Dim. Hold to that, madam, and let his head Sir Cha. No, sir ; I never dreamt of such a ache into the bargain.
thing. Mrs. Drug. Your poor father heard it as well Drug. Why, then, if she's innocent, let me tell
you, you're a scandalous person. Lady Rac. Then let your doors be opened for Mrs. Drug. Pr’ythee, my dearhim this very moment-let him return to London Drug. Be quiet. Though he is a man of qua-if he does not, I'll lock myself up, and the false lity, I will tell him of it-did I not fine for sheone shan't approach me, though he beg on his riff? Yes, you are a scandalous persun, io deknees at my very cloor-a base, injurious man ! fame an honest man's daughter.
[Erit. Sir Cha. What have you taken into your head Mrs. Drug. Dimity, do let us follow, and hear now? what she has to say for herself.
[Erit. Drug. You charged her with falsehood to your Dim. She has excuse enough, I warrant her. bed. What a noise is here, indeed! I have lived in Sir Cha, No-never-pever. polite families, where there was no such bustle Drug. But I say you did-you called yourself made about nothing.
[Erit. a cuckold-Did not he, wife?
Mrs. Drug. Yes lovey ; I'm witness. Enter SiR CHARLES and DRUGGET. Sir Cha. Absurd! I said no such thing. Sir Cha. 'Tis in vain, sir; my resolution is
Drug. But I aver you did. taken.
Mrs. Drug. You did, indeed, sir. Drug. Well; but, consider I am her father-
Sir Cha. But I tell you no, positively 110. indulge me only, till we hear what the girl has to Mrs. Drug.} And I say, yes, positively yes. say in her defence. Sir Cha. She can have nothing to say-10
Sir Cha. 'Sdeath, this is all madness. excuse cap palliate such behaviour.
Drug. You said, that she followed the ways
of most of her sex. Drug. Don't be too positive : there may sgine mistake.
Sir Cha. I said so, and what then? Sir Cha. No mistake—did I not see her, hear himself a cuckold, and without rhyme or reason
Drug. There he owns it : owns that he called ber myself?
into the bargain. Drug. Lackaday! then I am an unfortunate man !
Sir Cha. I never owned any such thing. Sir Cha. She will be unfortunate, toomwith all
Drug. You owned it even now-How-nowmy heart-she may thank herself—she might have been happy, had she been so disposed.
Mrs. Drug. This very moment. Drug. Wby, truly, I think she might.
Sir Cha. No, no; I tell you, no.
Drug. This instant-Prove it: make your
words good : slew me your horns, and if you Enter Mrs. DRUGGET.
can't, it is worse than suicide to call yourself Mrs. Drug. I wish you'd moderate your anger cuckold, without proof. a little, and let us talk over this affair with temper-my daughter denies every tittle of your
Enter Dimity, in a fit of laughing. charge.
Dim. What do you think it was all about? Sir Cha. Denies it! denies it!
Ha! ha! the whole secret is come out, ha! ha! Mrs. Drug. She does, indeed.
It was all about a game of cards-Ho! ho ! ho ! Sir Cha. And that aggravates her fault. Drug. A game of cards !
Mrs. Drug. She vows you never found her Dim. [Laughing.] It was all about a club and out in any thing that was wrong.
[Runs out laughing. Sir Cha. So ! she does not allow it to be wrong, Drug. And was that all, Sir Charles? theo 1-Madam, I tell you again, I know her Sir Cha. And enough to, sir. thoroughly; I say, I have found her out; and I Druy. And was that what you found her out am now acquainted with her character. in?
Mrs. Drug. Then you are in opposite stories Sir Cha. I can't bear to be contradicted, --she swears, my dear Mr. Drugget, the poor when I am clear that I am in the right. girl swears she never was guilty of the smallest Drug. I never heard of such a heap of noninfidelity to her husband in her born days. sense in all my life. Woodley shall marry Nancy. Sir Cha. And what then ?-what if she does Mrs. Drug. Don't be in a hurry, my love;
this will all be made up. 'Mrs. Drug. And if she says truly, it is hard Drug. Why does he not go and beg her parher character should be blown upon without just don, then?
Sir Cha. I beg her pardon! I won't debase Bir Cha. And is she, therefore, to behave ill myself to any of you. I shan't forgive ber, you in other respects ? I never charged her with in- may rest assured.
[Erit. fidelity to me, madam—there, I allow her inno Drug. Now there, there's a pretty fellow for cent,
Drug. And did you not charge her, then? Mrs. Drug. I'll step and prevail on my Lady
Racket to speak to him : all this will be set Mrs Drug. She does; she is willing to own it. right.
Sir Cha. Then I'll step and speak to her. I Drug. A ridiculous fop! I am glad it is no never was clearer in any thing in my life. (Erit. worse, however.--He must go and talk scandal Mrs. Drug. Lord love 'em, they'll make it up of himself, as if the town did not abound with now, and then they'll be as happy as ever. people ready enough to take that trouble off his
Nan. Well! they may talk what they will Drug: So, Nancy-you seem in confusion, of taste, and genteel life; I don't think it's na.
tural. Give me Mr. Woodley-La! that odious Nan. How can one help it, with all this noise thing coming this way. in the house? And you are going to marry me
Enter LOVELACE. as ill as my sister. I hate Mr. Lovelace. Drug. Why so, child?
Love. My charming little innocent, I have not Nan. I know these people of quality despise seen you these three hours. us all out of pride, and would be glad to marry Nan. I have been very happy these three us out of avarice.
hours. Drug. The girl's right.
Love. My sweetest angel, you seem disconNan. They marry one woman, live with ano- certed. And you neglect your pretty figure. ther, and love only themselves.
No matter for the present; in a little time I Drug. And then quarrel about a card. shall make you appear as graceful and as genteel
Nan. I don't want to be a gay larly. I want as your sister. to be happy.
san. That is not what employs my thoughts, Drug. And so you shall : don't fright your sir. self, child. Step to your sister, hid her make Lode. Ay! but my pretty little dear, that herself easy; go, and comfort her, go.
should engage your attention. To set off and Nan. Yes, sir.
(Exit. adorn the charms that nature has given you, Drug. I'll step ard settle the matter with Mr. should be the business of your life. Woodley, this moment.
[Erit. Nar. But as I have something else to do, you'll excuse my leaving you.
Lode. I must have her, notwithstanding this: SCENE II.-Another Apartment. for tho' I am uot in love, I am most confoundedly
in debt, Sir CHARLES, with a pack of cards, at a table.
Enter DRUGGET. Sir Cha. Never was any thing like her beha Drug. So, Mr. Lovelace ! any news from viour. I can pick out the very cards I had in above stairs? Is this absurd quarrel at an end ? my hand, and then 'tis as plain as the sun.- Have they made it up? There-there-now-there-no-damn it,no Love. Oh! a mere bagatelle, sir: these little
- there it was—now let me see-They had four fracas never last long: as you see; for here by honours and we play'd for the odd trick, they cone, in perfect good humour. damnation ! honours were divided-ay!-honours were divided, and then a trump was led,
Enter SiR CHARLES and Ladr RACKETT. and the other side had the confusion !-this Sir Cha. Mr. Drugget, I embrace you; you preposterous woman has put it all out of my see ine in the most perfect harmony of spirits. head. (Puts his cards into his pocket.] Mighty Drug. What, all reconciled again? well, madam; I have done with you.
Lody Rac. All made, up, sir. I knew how to
bring the gentleman to a sense of his duty. This Enter Mrs. DRUGGET.
is the first difference, I thing, we ever had, Sir Mrs. Drug. Sir Charles, let me prevail. Come Charles. with me and speak to her. .
Sir Cha. And I'll be sworn it shall be the last. Sir Cha. I don't desire to see her face. Drug. I am happy now, as happy ás a fond
Mrs. Drug. If you were to see her all bath'd father can wish. Sir Charles, I can spare you in tears, I am sure it would melt your very heart. an image to put on the top of your house in
Sir Cha. Madam it shall be my fault if ever I London. am treated so again. I'll have nothing to say to Sir Cha. Infinitely obliged to you. her. (going, stops.] Does she give up the point? Drug. Well ! well! its time to retire : I am
Mrs. Drug. She does, she agrees to any thing. glad to see you reconciled; and now I wish you
Sir Cha, Does she allow that the club was a good night, Sir Charles. Mr. Lovelace, this the play!
is your way. Fare ye well both. I am glad Mrs. Drug. Just as you please: she is all your quarrels are at an end: this way Mr. submission.
Lovelace. [Ereunt DRUGGET and LoVÉLACE. Sir Cha. Does she own that the club was not Lady Rac. Ah! you are a sad man, Sir the best in the bouse?
Charles, to behave to me as you have done.
Speaking very fast & together.
Sir Cha. My dear, I grant it: and such an Sir Cha. Well, now mind me, my Lady Racabsurd quarrel too-ha! ha!
kett, we can now talk of this matter in good huLady Ruc. Yes-ha! ha!-about such a mour: we can discuss it coolly. trife.
Lady Rac. So we can-And it is for that reaSir Cha. It is pleasant how we could both fall son I venture to speak to you. Are these the into such an error. Ha! ha!
ruties I bought for you? Lady Ruc. Ridiculous beyond expression! Sir Cha. They are, my dear. Ha! ha!
Lady Rac. They are very pretty. But indeed Sir Cha. And then the mistake your father you played the card wrong. and mother fell into!
Sir Cha. No, no, listen to me; the affair was Lady Rae. That too is a diverting part of the thus: Mr. Jenkins having never a club leftstory. Ha! ha!-But, Sir Charles, must I stay Lady Rac. Mr. Jenkins finessed the club. and live with my father till I grow as fantastical Sir Cha. (Peevishly.] How can you? ) as his own cvergreens?
Lady Rac. And trumps being all outSir Cha. Nay, pr’ythee don't remind me of Sir Cha. And we playing for the odd my folly.
trick Ludy Rac. Ah! my relations were all stand Lady Rac. If you had minded your ing behind counters, selling Whitechapel nee-gamedles, while your family were spending great Sir Cha. And the club being the bestestatcs.
Lady Rac. It you had led your diamondSir Cha. Spare my blushes: you see I am
Sir Cha. Mr. Jenkins would, of course, covered with confusion.
put on a spade. Lady Rac. How could you say so indelicate Lady Rac. And so the odd trick was a thing? I don't love you. Sir Cha. It was indelicate; I grant it.
Sir Cha. Damnation ! will you let me speak? Lady Rac. Am I a vile woman?
Lady Rac. Very well, sir, Ay out again. Sir Cha. How can you, my angel?
Sir Cha. Look here now: here is is a pack of Lady Rac. I shan't forgive you! I'll have you cards. Now you shall be convinced. on your knees for this. (Sings and plays with Lady Rac. You may talk till to-morrow, I him.] — Go naughly man.'-Ah! Sir Charles ! know I am right.
(Walks about. Sir Cha. The rest of my life shall aim at con Sir Cha. Why then, by all that's perverse, vincing you how sincerely I love you.
you are the most headstrong--Can't you look Lady Rac. (Sings.]“Go naughty man, I can't here? bere are the very cards. abide you'-Well! come, let us go to rest. [Go Lady Rac. Go on; you'll find it out at last. ing.] Ah! Sir Charles ! now it's all over, the Sir Cha. Will you hold your tongue, or not? diamond was the play.
will you let me shew you!--Po! its all nonsense. Sir Chu. Oh no, no, no; now that one may (Puts up the cards.] Come, let's go to bed. [Gospeak, it was the club indeed.
ing. Only stay ove moment. (Tukes out the Lady Rac. Indeed my love, you are mis curds. Now command yourself, and you shall taken.
have demonstration. Sir Cha. You make me laugh: but I was not Lady Rac. It does not signify, sir. Your head mistaken : rely upon my judgment.
will be clearer in the morning. I chuse to go to Ludy Rac. You may rely upon mine: you was
Sir Cha. Stay and hear me, can't you? Sir Cha. (Laughing.] Po! no, no, no such Lady Rac. No; my head aches. I am tired thing.
of the subject. Lady Rac. [Laughing.) But I say, yes, yes,
Sir Cha. Why then, damn the cards. There, yes.
and there, ard there, (Throwing them about the Sir Cha. Oh! no, no; it is too ridiculous; room.] You nay go to bed by yourself
. Contudon't say any more about it, my love.
sion seize me, it I stay here to be tormented a Lady Rac: (Toying with him.] Don't you say moment longer. [Putting on his shoes.] No; any inore about it: you had better give it up, never, never, madam. you had indeed.
Lady Rac. Take your own way, sir.
Sir Cha. Now then I tell you once more, you Enter FOOTMAN.
are a vile woman. Foot. Your honour's cap and slippers, Lady Rac. Don't make me laugh again, Sir Sir Cha. Lay down my cap, and here take Charles.
(Walks and sings. these shoes off. [He takes them off, and leaves Sir Cha. Hell and the devil! Will you sit them at a distance.] Indeed, my Lady Rackett, down quietly and let me convince you? you make me ready to expire with laughing. Lady Ruc. I don't chuse to hear any more Ha! ha!
about it. Lady Rac. You may laugh, but I am right Sir Cha. Why then may I perish if ever-a notwithstanding.
blockhead, an idiot I was to marry. (Walke Sir Cha. How can you say so?
about. Such provoking impertinence! [She sits Lady Rac. How can you say otherwise? doan.) Damnation ! I am so clear in the thing,