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She is not worth my notice-[Sits down, turns every thing I play for, may fortune eternally his back, and looks uneasy.) I'll take no more forsake me, if I endeavour to set you right again. pains about it. (Pauses for some time, then
[Erit. looks at her.] Is it not very strange, that you Enter Mr. and Mrs. DRUGGET, WOODLEY, and won't hear me? Lady Rac. Sir, I am very ready to hear you.
NANCY. Sir Cha. Very well, then, very well;. you re Mrs. Drug. Gracious! what's the matter now? meinber how the game stood.
Lady Rac. Such another man does not exist. [Draws his chair near her. I did not say a word to the gentleman, and yet Lady Rac. I wish you would untie my neck- he has been raving about the rooin, and stormlace, it hurts me.
ing like a whirlwind. Sir Cha. Why can't you listen?
Drug. And about a club again !I heard it all. Lady Rac. I tell you it hurts me terribly. Come hither, Nancy; Mr.Woodley, she is yours
Sir Cha. Death and confusion ! Moves his for life. chair away.) there is no bearing this. (Looks at Mrs. Drug. My dear, how can you be so pasher angrily.) It won't take a moment, if you will sionate? but listen. [Moves towards her.) Can't you see, Drug. It shall be so. Take her for life, Mr. that by forcing the adversary's hand, Mr. Jen- Woodley. kins would be obliged to
Wood. My whole life shall be devoted to her Ludy Rac, [ Moring her chair away from him.] happiness. Mr. Jenkins had the best club, and never a dia Drug. Mr. Woodley, I recommend my girl to mond left.
your care. I shall have nothing now to think of, Sir Char. (Rising.) Distraction ! Bedlam is bar wy greens, and my images, and my shrubdot so mad. Be as wrong as you please, madam. bery. "Though, mercy on all married folks, say May I never hold four by bonours, may I lose 1 !--for these wranglings are, I am afraid, what
they must all come to.
SCENE 1.-A Room in SiR THEODORE Good- the mirth, especially when they know what kiod CHILD's House.
of lovers they are; and that the sole motive of their addresses was the lady's fortune. Well,
sure, since the days of giants and enchanted casEnter Sır THEODORE and CHARLOTTE. tles, no poor damsel has been besieged by such
a group of odd mortals. Let me review my Char. Nay, there can be no harm in a lit- equipage of lovers ! the first upon the list is a tle mirth, guardian, even those who happen beau Jew, who, in spite of nature and educato be the objects, must approve the justice tion, sets up for a wit, a gentleman, and a man of it.
of taste. Sir T. But consider, Charlotte, what will the Sir T. Aye, laugh at him as much as you world say of me? will it not be in every mouth, will. that Sir Theodore Goodchild was a very impru Char. The next is a downright English dent man, in combining with his ward to turn Newmarket, stable-bred gentleman jockey, who her lovers into ridicule !
having ruined his finances by dogs, grooms, Char. Not at all, sir : the world will applaud cocks, and horses, and such polite company,
now thinks to retrieve his affairs by a matrimo Sir T. Thou art a mad creature! well, madam, nial match with a city fortune.
I will indulge your wicked mirth. His name in Sir T. Ha, ha, ha! I find, madam, you have Callaghan O'Brallaghan. perused the squire with great exactness.
Char. O shocking! Callaghan O'Brallaghan! Char. Pretty well, sir. To this Newmarket why it is enough to choke one ; and is as diffis. wight succeeds a proud, haughty, Caledonian cult to be uttered as a Welch pedigrec, Why knight; whose tongue, like the dart of death, if the fates should bring us together, I shall be spares neither sex nor age, it leaves none uuvi. obliged to hire an Irish interpreter, to go about sited. All dread and all feel it.
with me, to teach the people to pronounce my Sir T. Yes, yes, his insolence of family, and name; -ha, ha, ha! licentiousness of wit, have gained the con Sir T. You may laugh, madam, but he is tempt and general toleration of mankind. as proud of that name as any of your lovers But we must not look upon his spleen and ill are of their tilles. I suppose they all dine nature, my dear, as a national, but a personal here. vice.
Char. Certainly !--all but Squire Groom. Char. As such, sir, I always understand, Sir T. 0! you must not expect him; he is and laugh at him.-Well of all my swains, he at York, he was to ride his great match there, he is the most whimsical ; his passion is to turn yesterday. He will not be here, you may be every morial into ridicule; even I, the object of sure.-Let me see :-what is't o'clock? almost his fame, cannot escape ; for while his avarice three.—Who's there? courts my fortune, his pride despises, and sneers at my birth.
Enter a Servant. Sir T. That, Charlotte, is only to shew his wit.
Order the coach to the door. Char. True, sir.—The next in Cupid's train Ser. 'Tis ready, sir. is your nephew, guardian, a wild Irish, Prus Sir T. I will but just step to Lincoln's Inn sian, hard-headed soldier, whose military hu- Hall, and see what they are doing in your cause; mour, and foudness for bis profession, make me it is to be ended to-day. By the time I return, fancy sometimes that he was not only born in a I suppose your company will be come. A good siege, but that Bellona had been his nurse, Mars morning to you, Charlotte, his schoolmaster, and the furies bis playfellows. Char. Sir a good morning. -Ha, ha, ha!
[Erit Sir THEODORE. Sir. T. Ha, ha, ha! O fye, Charlotte, how Morde. (Sings Italian withuat.] Sir Theocan you be so severe upon my poor nephew? dore, your humble servant.
Char. Upon my honour, Sir Theodore, I Sir T. (Without) Mr. Mordecai, your most don't mean to be severe, for I like his character obedient. extremely ;-ha, ha! Sir T.' Well, well, notwithstanding your
Enter a Servant. mirth, madam, I assure you he has gain'd the highest esteem in his profession.—But what cau Sero. Mr. Mordecai, madam. you expect, my dear, froin a soldier, a mere Char. Shew him in. [Erit Serdant. rough-hewn soldier, who, at the age of fifteen, Morde. [Without.] I see your coach is at would leave Ireland, his friends, and every other the door. Sir Theodore, you dine with us, I pursuit, to go a volunteer into the Prussian ser-hope. vice, and there he has lived seventeen years; so
Sir T. (Without.] Certainly, You'll find Miss that I don't suppose he has six ideas out of his Charlotte within. Your servant. own profession-garrisons and camps have been Morde. [Without.] Yours, Sir Theodore. the courts and academies that have formed him. But he ever had, from a child, a kind of mili-| Enter MORDECAI, singing an Italian Air, and tary madness.
addressing CHARLOTTE funtastically. Char. 0, I am in love with his warlike humour, I think it highly entertaining.
Char. O caro, caro, carissimo. Şir T. As he has not made any direct ad Morde. Voi sete molto cortese ! anima mia! dresses to you, Charlotte, let me inform here let me kneel, and pay my softest adoration; him how improper such a step would be, and and thus, and thus, in amorous transport breath even let us leave him out of our scheme to my last.
[Kisses her hand. night.
Char. Ha, ha, ha! softly, softly! you Char. O, sir, impossible ! our day's sport, would not sure breatls your last yet, Mr. Morour plot, our every thing, would be imperfect decai. without him ; why, I intend him to be the lead Morde. Why, no, madam, I would live a lit, ing instrument in the concert. One cannot postle longer for your sake. [Bowing very low. sibly do without Sir Callaghan Brall-Bra Char. Ha. ha, ha! you are infinitely polite Brall.-Pray, guardian, learn me to pronounce – but a truce with your gallantry—why you my lorer's name.
are as gay as the sun ;--I think I never saw any
thing better fancied than that suit of yours, Mr. | tow chandler's shop, in the dog days ; bis filthy Mordecai.
high dried poisons me, and his scandal is grosser Morde. Ha, ha !-a-well enough-just as than a hackney news writer's : madam he is as my tailor fancied-ha, ha, ha! do you like it, much despised by his own countrymen, as by the madam?
rest of the world. The better sort of Scotland Char. Quite elegant: I don't know any one never keep him company ; but that is entre nous, about town deserves the title of beau better than entre nous. Mr. Mordecai.
Sir A. Speaks without.] Randol, bid Saw. Morde. O dear, madam, you are very oblig- ney be here with the chariot at eight o'clock ing.
exactly Char. I think you are called Beau Mordecai by every body.
Enter Sir ARCHY.—MORDECAI runs up to Morde. Yes, madam, they do distingush me
embrace him. by that title, but I don't think I merit the ho Sir A. Ha, ha, ha! my cheeld of circumcision,
gee us a, wag of thy loof; hoo dun ye do, my Char. No body more : for I think you are bonny Girgishite ? always by far the finest man in town. But do Morde. Always at your service, Sir Archy: you know that I have heard of your extraordi He stinks worse than a scotch snuff shop. nary court the other night, at the Opera, to
[Aside. Miss Sprightly
Sir A. Weel, Mordecai, I see yee are as deeMorde. O heavens, madam, how can you be ligent in the service v'yeer mistress, as in the serso severed that the woman has designs, I sted- vice of yeer leuking glass, for yeer face and yeer fastly believe ; but as to memoh !
thoughts are always turned upon the one or the Char. Ha, ha, ha! nay, nay, you must not other. deny it; for my intelligence is from very good Morde. And I see your wit, Sir Archy, like a hands.
lawyer's tongue, will ever retain its usual politeMorde. Pray, who may that be?
ness and good nature. Char. Sir Archy Macsarcasm.
Char. (Coming forward.] Ha, ha, ha! civil Morde. Oh, shocking! the common Pasquin and witty on both sides. Sir Archy, your most of the town; besides, madam, you know he's obedient.
[Curtsies. my rival, and not very remarkable for veracity Sir A. Ten thousand pardons, madam, I did in his narrations,
na'observe ye; I hope I see yeer ladyship weel, Char. Ha, ha, ha! I cannot say he's a reli- Ah! yee look like a deeveenity gious observer of truth, but his humour always
[Bowing awkwardly and low. makes amends for his invention. You must Char. Sir Archy, this is immensely galallow he has humour, Mr. Mordecai.
gant. Morde. O cuor mio! how can you think so; Sir A. Weel, madam, I see my friend Morbating his scandal, dull, dull as an alderman, decai here, is determined to bear away the prize after six pounds of turtle, four bottles of port, fra us all! Ha, ha, ha! he is trick'd out in aw and twelve pipes of tobacco.
the colours of the rainbow. Char. Ha, ha, ha! O surfeiting! surfeit Char. Mr. Mordecai is always well dressid, ing.
Sir Archy. Morde. The man indeed has something droll Sir A. Upon my honour he is as fine as a jay. -something ridiculous in him ;-his abominable Turn aboot man, turn aboot, let us view Scots accent, his grotesque visage, almost buried yeer finery : step along and let us see yeer in souff, the roll of his eyes, and twist of his shapes—he has å bonny march wi' him : vary mouth, his strange inhuman laugh, his tremen- weel, vary eligant.-Ha, ha, ha! guid traith, dous perriwig, and his manner altogether, indeed, I think I never saw a tooth-drawer better dresshas something, so caricaturely risible in it
, ed in aw my life. that, ha, ha, ha! may I die, madam, if I don't
[Viewing and admiring his dress. always take him for a mountebank doctor at a Char. Ha, ha, ha! Dutch fair.
Morde. You are very polite, sir. Char. Oh, oh! what a picture has he drawn? Char. But, Sir Archy, what is become of my why you're as severe in your portraits as Sir Irish lover, your friend, Sir Callaghan? I hope Archy himself.
he dines here.
Sir A. Ah, ah ! guid faith, wool he ! I lare Enter a Servant.
brought him along wi' me.
Chur. What! is he in the house? Ser. Sir Archy Macsarcasm is below, ma Sir A. Ay, in this very mansion, madam; for dam,
ye mun ken, that like the monarchs of awld I Char. Shew him up. [Erit Servant. never travel noo without my fool.
Morde. Don't you think, madam, be is a Char. Then, pray, Sir Arcby exisibit your horrid, foul-mouthed, uncouth fellow ? he is fool. worse to me, madam, than assafætida, or a tal Morde. Let's have a slice of him,
Sir A. Jauntly, jauntly, not so fast! he is a reptile, a mere reptile ! and as to the Irishnot in reeght order yet.
man, Sir Callaghan O'Brallaghan, the fallow Char. How do you mean, Sir Archy; is weel enough to laugh at, but I wou'd ha'
Sir A. Madam, as we came heether, I coun- yee leuk aboot yee there, for yee ken that yeer selld him to wreete a loove epestle till ye, by guardian is his uncle, and, to my certain knowway of introduction tull his courtship! he is now ledge, there is a deseeign upon yeer fortune in aboot it below stairs, and in ten meenutes yee that quarter, depend upon it. mun leuck to see an amoroos bellet, sic as has Char. Very possible, Sir Archy, very possie nai ben penn'd sin the days of Don Quixote ;- ble; for a woman's fortune, I believe, is the Ha, ha, ha !
principal object of every lover's wish. Omnes. Ha, ha, ha !
Sir A. Madam, yeer observation is very ore Char. O charming! I shall be impatient till Ithodox, in truth-as to Mordecai, Sir Callaghan, see bis passion upon paper.
Squire Groom, and sic like fellows; but men of Sir A. Guid faith madam, he has done that honour! men of honour, madam, have other prinalready ; for he has composed a jargon, that he ciples. I assure yee, lady, the tenure of my afcalls a sonnet, upon his bewitching Charlotte, fection is nai for yeer pecuniar, but for the mens as he tarms you. Mordecai, yee bave heard him tal graces of yeer soul, and the devene parfecsing it.
tions of yeer body, which are indeed to me a Morde. I beg your pardon, Sir Archy, I have Peru and a Mexico. heard him roar it. Madam, we had him last Char. 0, Sir Archy, you overwhelm me. night at the tavern, and made him give it to us Sir A. Madam, I speak upon the verity of in an Irish howl, that might be heard from hence mine honour; beside, madam, guin you marry to West Chester.
me, ye wool marry a man of sobreeity and oecoSir A. Ha, ha, ha! why ye have a devellish nomy, 'uis true I am not in the high-day of deal of wit, Mordecai.
blood, yet, as the poet sings, far fra the vale of Char. Ha, ha, ha! I must hear this song. years ; not like your young flashy whupsters,
Morde. Madam, your servant ;—I will leave that go off like a squib or a cracker, on a rejoicSir Archy to entertain you for a few minutes. ing night, in a noise and a stanch, and are
Char. You are not going, Mr. Mordecai. never heard of after.
Char. You are certainly right, Sir Archy, to see if Sir Callaghan is disengaged ; and if hé the young fellows of fashion are mere trifles. be, to have a laugh at him before dinner, by way
Sir A. They are baubles madam, absolute of a whet—that's all, madam, only by way of baubles and prodigals, therefore yee should prea whet.
[Going. ponderate the maiter weel, before ye mak yeer. Sir A. But, bark'e, Mordecai, not a seelable election. Consider, madam, there is nai scant o the letter.
of wealth or honour in oor fameely. Lady, we Morde. O never fear me, sir Archy, I am as hai in the loose of Macsarcasm, twa Barons, secret as a spy.
[Erit. three Viscounts, six Earls, yane Marquisate, and Sir A. What a fantastical baboon this tesre- twa Dukes- besides Baronets and Lairds oot of lite makes of himself. The fellow is the mockery aw reckoning; of the whole nation.
Char. Ha, ha, ha! Char. Why, to say the truth, he is entertain
Sir A. What gars yee laugh, madam ? ing, Sir Archy.
Char. I beg your pardon, sir ; but-ha, ha, Sir A. O'yes, he is rediculous, therefore ha ! I am laughing tomha, ha, ha! to think very useful in society,—for wherever he comes what a—ha, ha! a number of noble relations I there must be laughter. But, now, madam, shall have. eef yee please, a word or twa of oor ain maiters;
Sir A. Faith wool ye madam, and other guess ye see I do na paster ye with Aames, and darts. fameelies than ye hai in this part of the world. and seeghings, and lamentations, and freevolous Odzwunds, madam, there is as much deeference protestations, like yeer silly loovers in a ro-betwixt our Nobeelity of the North, and yours mance ; for yee ken, I 'awways speak my o’the South, as there is betwixt a haund of blood thoughts wi' a blunt inteegrity :-madam, 1 and a mongrel. loove you, and guin I deed not, I would scoro
Char. Ha, ha, ha ! Pray how do you make to say it.
out that, Sir Archy. Char. 0; Sir Archy, all the world allows you Nobeelity are sprang fra Monarchs, warriors,
Sir A. Why, madam, in Scotland, aw our sincerity, which is the most valuable quality a friend or a lover can possess.
heroes, and glorious achievements; now, bere Sir A. Vary true, madam, therefore I can
i'th' South, ye
sprung frai sugar not help giving yee aboot ye, wlio caw them hogsheads, rum puncheons, wool packs, hop selves yeer lovers.-Squire Groom doubt
sacks, iron bars and tar jackets ;-in short, less, is a man of honour, and my vary guid ye are a composition of Jews, Turks, and friend, but he is a baggar, a baygar; and, Refugees, and of aw the commercial vagrants touching this - Mordecai,
the fellow is wealthy of the land and sea-a sort of amphibious breed 'tis.true; yes, yes, he is sealthy, but he is ye are.