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Charl. Ha, ha, ha! we are a strange mixture , dies of battles, and sieges, and skrimages-It Indeed, nothing like so pure and noble, as you looks like gascooading and making the fanfaron. are in the North.
Besides, madam, I give you my honour, there is Sir A. O naithing like it, madam, naithing no such thing in nature as making a true descrip like it-we are of anaither kadney. Now, ma- tion of a battle. dam, as yee yoursel are vai weel propagated, as Char. How so, sir? yee hai the inisfortune to be a cheeld o'commerce, Sir C. Why, madam, there is so much doing yee should endeavour to mack yeer espousals every where, there is no knowing what is done intul yean of oor auncient noble fameelies of any where; for every man has his own part to the North ; for yec mun ken, madam, that sic look after, which is as much as he can do, withan alliance wull purify yeer blood, and gi yee a out minding what other people are about. Then, ronk and consequence in the world, that aw yeer madam, there is such drumming and trumpering, palf, were it as muckle as the bank of Eden- firing and smoking, fighting and rattling every burgh, could not purchase for you.
where and such an uproar of courage and Char. Very true, Sir Archy, very true ; upon slaughter in every man's mind and such a demy word, your advice is friendly and impartial, lightful confusion altogether, that you can no and I will think of it.
more give an account of it than you cau of the stars in the sky.
Sir A. As I shall answer it, I think it a very Enter MORDECAI.
descriptive accoont that he gives of a battle, Morde. Here he is ! he is coming, madam ! he
Char. Admirable! and very entertaining. is but just giving some orders to his servant Morde. O delightful ! about his baggage and post-horses.
Sir A. Mordecai, ask him some questionsChar. I hope he is not going away.
to bim-to him, mun—hai a leetle fun wi' himMorde. Troth is he, madam; he is impatient smoke bim, smoke him, rally him, mun, rally to be with the army in Germany.
Morde. I'll do it, I'll do it-yes, I will smoke Sir CALLAGHAN and servant within,
the Capiain.-Well, and pray, Sir Callayban,
how many might you kill in a battle? Sir C. Is Sir Archy Macsarcasm and the lady
Sir C. Sir! this way, do you say, young
Morde. I say, sir, how many might you have Sero. Yes, sir
kill'd in any one battle? Sir C. Then I'll trouble you with no further
Sir C. Kill. Um !-Why, I generally kill ceremony.
more in a battle than a coward would choose to
look upon, or than an impartinent fellow would Enter SiR CALLAGHAN.
be able to eat.-Ha !-Are you answered, Mr.
Mordecai? Sir C. Madam, I am your most devoted and Morde. Yes, yes, sir, I am answerd.—He is most obedient humble servant, and am proud to a devilish droll fellow-vastly queer. have the honour of kissing your fair hand this Sir A. Yes, he is rary queer.—But yee were morning.
(Salutes her. very sharp upon him.--Odswuns, at hiin again, Char. Sir Callaghan, your bumble servant- at him again—have another cut at him. I am sorry to hear we are likely to lose you, I Morde Yes, I will have another cut at him. was in hopes the campaign bad been quite over Sir A. Do, do. He wull bring himself intill in Germany for this winter.
a damn'd scrape presently.
[ Aside. Sir C. Yes, madam, it was quite over, but it Morde. (Going to SIR CALLAGuan and sneere begun again : a true genius never loves to quit ing at him.) He, he, he !—but heark'e, Sir Calthe field till he has left himself nothing to do; laghan-he, he, he !-give me leave to tell you for then, you kuow, madam, he can keep it with now, if I was a generalmore safety.
Sir C. You a general! faith then, you would Omnes. Ha, ha, ha!
make a very pretty general! [Turns MORDECAI Sir A. Vary true, sir, vary true. But, Sir about.] Pray, madam, look at the geuerul-ha, Callaghan, just as yee enter'd the apartment, ha, ha! the lady was urging she should like it mightily, Omnes. Ha, ha, ha! guin yee wou'd favour ber wi' a sleight nar Sir 0. O my dear Mr. Mordecai, be advised, rative of the late transactions and battles in and dont't prate about generals; it is a very hard Germany.
trade to learn, and requires being in the field Char. If Sir Callaghan would be so obliging. late and early—a great many frosty nights and Sir C. O dear, madam, don't ax me.
scorching days—in be able to eat and drink, and Char. Sir, I beg pardon; I would not press laugh and rejoice, with danger on one side of any thing that I thought might be disagreeable you, and death on the other-and a hundred
things beside, that you know no more of than I Sir C. O, dear madam, it is not for that; but do of being a high priest of a synagogue; so it rebutes a inan of honour to be talking to la- hold your tongue about generals, Mr. Mordecai,
and gn and mind your lottery-tickets and your Sir C. I assure you, I had a great mind to be cent per cent, in Change-alley.
upon the quivive with him, for bis jokes and his Omnes. Ha, ha, ha!
mockeries, but that the lady was by. Sir A. Ha, ha, ha! he hath tickled up the Sir H. Yes, he is a cursed impudent fellow Israelite—he hai gin it the Moabite on baith because he is suffered to speak tull a man of tasides of his lugs.
shion, at Bath and Tunbridge, and other public Char. But, Sir Callaghan, sure you must have places, the rascal always obtrudes himself upon been in imminent danger in the variety of actions you. But, Sir Callaghan, bai yee wreeten the you have gone through.
letter to the lady? Sir C. Ho! to be sure, madam, who would Sir C. I have not. be a soldier without danger? Danger, madam, Sir A. Hoo happened that, mon? is a soldier's greatest glory, and death his best Sir C. Why, upon reflecting, I found it would reward.
not be consisting with the decorums of a man of Morde. Ha, ha, ha! that is an excellent honour to write to a lady in the way of matriniobull! death a reward ! Pray, Sir Callaghan, no pial advances, before I had first made my affecoffence I hope, how do you make death being a tions known to her guardian, who is, you know, reward ?
my uncle; so I have indited the letter to him, Sir C. How! Why don't you know that? instead of the lady, which is the same thing you Morde. Not, I, upon bonour.
Sir C. Why, a soldier's death in the field of Sir A. Ha, ha! exactly, exactly, for so yee battle, is a monument of fame, that makes him do but wreete aboot it, yec ken, it maiters not as much alive, as Cæsar, or Alexander, or any to whom. dead hero of them all.
Sir C. Ay, that is what I thought myself; so Omnes. Ha, ha, ha!
here it is. (Tukes out a letter, reads.] • To Sir Char. Very well explained, Sir Callaghan. Theodore Goodchild
Sir A. Axcellenty weel; very logically, and Sir A. Ay, let's have it-I warrant 'tis a boney like a true hero.
epistle. Sir C. Why, madam, when the history of the English campaigns in America comes to be writ
[Sir Callaguan Reads.] ten, there is your own brave young general that died the other day in the field of battle
Sir, before Quebec, will be alive to the end of the As I huve the honour to bear the character world.
of a soldier, and to call Sir Theodore Gooda Char. You are right, Sir Callaghan, his vir- child, uncle, I do not think it would be contues, and of those of his fellow soldiers in that shisting vid a man of honour to behare like a action—aye, and of those that plannid it too, scoundrel.'will be remember'd by their country, while Britain or British gratitude has a being.
Sir A. That is an excellent remark, Sir CalSir A. Oh! the Highlanders did guid service laghan, an excellent remark and vary new. in that action-they cut them, and slash'd them, Sir C. Yes, I think it is a good remark. and whapt them aboot, and play'd the vary
[Reads. dcevil wi' 'em, sir. There is nai sic thing as standing a Highlander's Andrew Ferara: they Therefore I thought proper, before I prowall slanghie off a fellow's head at one dash, ceeded any farther, (for I have done nothing slap; it was they, that did the business at as yet) to break my mind to you, before I Quebec.
engage the affections of the young Lady.) Sir C. I dare say they were not idle, for they are tight fellows. Give me your hand, Sir Archy; You see, Sir Archy, I intend to carry the place I assure you your countrymen are good soldiers like a soldier, A la Militaire, as we say abroad, aye, and so are ours too.
for I make my approaches regularly to the breastChur. Well, Sir Callaghan, I assure you, I work, before I attempt the covered way. am charmed with your heroisin, and greatly Sir A. Axcellent ! that's axcellent. obliged to you for your account. Come, Mr. Sir C. Yes, I think it will do. [Reads. Mordecai, we will go down to Sir Theodore, for I think I heard his coach stop.
For as you are a gentlemen, and one that Morde. Madam, I attend you with pleasure ; | knows my family, by ny fader's side, which will you honour me with the tip of your lady- you are shensible is as ouid us any in the three ship's wedding finger ? Sir Callaghan, your ser-kingdoms and oulder too-So I thought it vaot; yours, yours, look here, here.
would be foolish to stand shilli shulli any (Exit leading CHARLOTTE. longer, but come to the point at once. You Sir C. I find he is a very impertinent cox- see, Sir Archy, I give him a rub; but by way of comb, this saine Beau Mordecai.
a hint about my family, because why, do you Sir A. Yes, sir, he is a dainned impudent sea, Sir Theodore is my uncle, only by my rascal.
moder's side, which is a little upstart family,
that came in vid one Strongbow but t'other day, little of that fun, come your ways to the right lord, not above six or seven hundred years spot my dear. ago; whereas my family, by my fader's side, Sir Å. No equeevocation, sir,
' donna yee think are all true old' Milesians, and related to the yee ha' gotten Beau Mordecai to cope with. DeO'Flahertys, and O'Shocknesses, and the Maceud yeersel, for by the sacı ed honour of Saint Laughlins, the O'Donnaghans, O'Callaghans, Andrew, yee shall be responsible for macking us O’Geogaghans, and all the tick bloont of the illeyecte mate, sir, illegeetemate. nation—and I myself, you know, am an O'Bral Sir C. Then, by the sacred crook of Saint laghan, which is the ouldest of them all. Patrick, you are a very foolish man to quarrel
Sir A. Ha, ha, ha! ay, ay! I believe you are about such a trille. But since you bare a mind of an auncient family, Sir Callaghan, but you for a tilt, have at you, my dear, for the honour are oot in one point.
of the sod. Oho! my jewel! never fear us, you Sir C. What is that, Sir Archy?
are as welcome as the flowers in May. Sir A. Where yee said yee werc as auncient
(They fight. as any family i'the three kingdoms. Sir C. Faith, den, I said nothing but truth.
Enter CHARLOTTE. Sir A. Hut, hut, hut away, mon, but awaw, ye mo no say that; what the de'el, consider Char. O bless me, gentlemen! What are you our famcelies i'th' North; why yee of Ireland, doing? What is all this about? sir, are but a colony frai us, an oot cast! a Sir C. Madain, it is about Sir Archy's great mere oot cast, and as such yee remain tull this grandmother. hoor.
Chur. His great granmother ! Sir C. I beg your pardon, Sir Archy, that is Sir C. Yes, inadam, he is angry that I said the Scotch account, which, you know, never my ancestor, Fergus O'Brallaghan, was a gallant speaks truth, because it is always partial ;— of theirs. but the Irish history, which must be the best, Chur. Grandmother! pray, Sir Archy, what because it was written by an Irislı poet of my is the meaning of all this? own family, one Shemus Thurlough Sbannaghan Sir A. Madain, he has cast an affront upon a O'Brailaglian, and he says, in his chapter of whole nation. genealogy, that the Scots are all Irishmen's Sir C. I am sure if I did, it was more than I bastards.
intended; I only argued out of the history of Sir A. Hoo, sir! baistards! do yee make us Ireland, to prove the antiquity of the O'Bralillegeetenate, illegcetemate, sir?
laghans. Sir C. Faith I do--for the youngest branch Sir A. Weel, sir, since yee say yee of our family, one Mac Fergus O'Brallaghan, intend the affront, I am satisfied. was the very man that went from Carrick tergi's,
(Puts up his sword. and peopled all Scotland with his own hands; Sir C. Not I, upon my honour;-there are so that, my dear Sir Archy, you must be bastards two things I am always atraid of; the one is of of course you know.
being affronted myself, and the other of affrontSir A. Tark'e, Sir Callaghan, though yeering any inan. ignorance and vanety would make conquerors air d. lary weel, sir, vary weel. and ravishers of yeer auncestors, and tailors Char. That is a prudent and a very generous and Sabines of our maithers--yat, yee shall maxim, Sir Callaghan. Sir Archy, pray let me prove, sir, that their issue are all the cheeldren bieg that this business may end liere: I desire of honour.
you will embrace, and be the friends you were Sir C. Hark'e, hark'e, Sir Archy, what is that before this mistake happened. yee mentioned about ignorance and vanity? Su d. Madam, yeer commands are absolute.
Sir A. Sir, I denoonce yee both ignorant and Char. Sir Callaghanvain, and make yeer most of it.
Sir C. Madam, with all my heart and soul. I Sir C. Faith, sir, I can make nothing of it; assure you, Sir Archy, I had not the least iutenfor they are words I don't understand, because tivo ofattronting, or quarrelling with you. they are what no gentleman is used to: aud
[Offers to embrace. therefore, you must unsay thein.
Sir A. [Starting from him with conteinpt.) Sir A. Hoo, sir! eat iny words? a North Vary weel, sir, vary weel. Briton eat his words?
Sir C. Ob! the curse of Cromwell upon your Sir C. Indeed you must, and this instant eat proud Scotch stomach. them.
Char. Well, gentlemen, I am glad to see you Sir A. Yee shall first éat'a piece of this wea are come to a right understanding-I hope 'lis pon.
[Druus. all over. Sir C. Poo, poo, Sir Archy, put up, put up Sir A. I am satisfied, madam; there is an this is n10 proper place for such work, consider, end on’t. But now, Sir Callaghan, let me tell drawing a sword is a very serious piere of busi-yee ass a friend, yée should never enter intul ness, and ought always to be done in private: a dispute aboot leeterature, history, or the we may be prevented bere; but if you are for a anteequiry of fameelics, for yee ha' goiten sic a
wecked, aukard, cursed jargon upon your tongue, Sir A. Instantly, madam. Wcel, Sir Calthat yee are never intelegeble in yeer language. laghan, donna let us drop the deseegn of the
Sir C. Ha, ha, ha! I beg your pardon, Sir letter notwithstanding what has happened. Archy, it is you that have got such a cursed Sir C. Are we friends, Sir Archy? twist of a fat Scotch brogne about the mid Sir A. Pooh! upon honour am I; it was aw dle of your own tongue, that you can't un a mistake, derstand good English when I spake it to Sir C. Then give me your hand; I assure you, you.
Sir Archy, I always love a man when I quarrel Sir A. Ha, ha, ha! weel, that is droll enough, with him, after I am friends. upon honour-yee are as guid ass a farce or a comedy; but yee are oot again, Sir Cal
Enter a Servant. laghan, it is yee that hai the brogue, and not ine; for aw the world kens I speak the Sooth Serv. Dinner is served, gentlemen. Country so weel, that wherever I
I Sir A. Come along then, Sir Callaghan-I. awwavs taken for an Englishman: but we wool | will bring yee and the lady together after deener, make judgment by the lady, which of us twa has and then we shall see hoo yce will make yecr the brogue.
advances in love. Sir C. O, with all my heart. Pray, madam, Sir C. O never fear me, Sir Archy-I will have I the brogue?
not stay to make a regular seige of it, but will Char. Ha, ha, ha! not in the least, Sir Cal-take her at once with a coup de main, or die laghan, not in the least.
upon the spot; for as the old song says, Sir Sir C. I am snre I could never perceive it. Archy
[Sings to an Irish tune. Char. Pray, Sir Archy, drop this contention, or we may chance to have another quar- You never did hear of an Irishman's fear, rel-you both speak most elegant English; nei- In love, or in battle, in love, or in battle; ther of you have the brogue; neither. Ha, ha, We are always on duty, and ready for beauty, ha!
Tho' cannons do rattle, tho' cannons do ratile: Enter a Servant..
By day and by night, we love and we fight;
We're honour's defender, we're honour's defenSero. The ladies are come, madam, and Sir Theodore desires to speak with you.
The foc and the fair we always take care Char. I will wait on him [Érit Servant.]| To make them surrender, to make them surrenGentlemen, your servant-you will come to us! der.
SCENE I. --A Room in Sre TheodorE
without surprising the world with some new struke.
Enter SIR ARCHY and CharlOTTE.
Enter MORDECAI. Sir A. Adswuns, madam, step intul us for Morde. O madam! ha, ha, ha! I am expira moment, yee wul crack yoursel wi' laughter; ing-such a scene betwixt your two lovers, we bai gotten anaither feul conie to divert us Squire Groom, and Sir Callaghan :- They have unexpectedly, which I think is the highest fin-challenged each other. ished feul the age has produced.
Char. O heavens, I hope not. Char. Whom do you mean, Sir Archy? Sir A. Ha, ha, ha! that's guid, that's guid!
Sir A. Squire Groom, inadam; but such a I thought it would come to action; ha, ha, ha! figure, the finest yee ever beheld : his leetle half that's clever—now we shall bai one of them beuts, black cap, jockey dress, and aw his pon- penk'd; ha, ha, ha ! tificabilus, just as be rid the match yesterday at Chur. How can you laugh, Sir Archy, at such Yorke. Anteequity, in aw its records of Greek a shocking circumstance ? and Roman folly, never produced a senator,
Morde. Don't be frightened, madam, ha, ha, veeseting his mistress, in so compleat a feul's ha! don't be frightened ! peither of them will garb.
be killed, take my word for it-unless it be with Chur. Ha, ha, ha! ridiculous! I thought I claret, for that's their weapon. had done wondering at the mirror of folly; but Char. O Mr. Mordecai, how could you startle he is one of those geniuses that never appear one so ?
Sir A. О I am sorry for that-guid faith, I Groom. No, no, only to the Stone's end; but was in hopes they had a mind to show their then, I have my own backs, steel to the bottom, prowess before their meestress, and that we all blood-stickers and lappers every inch, my should hai a Jeetle Irish, or Newmarket blood dear—that will come through if they bave but spilt;--but what was the cause of challenge, one leg out of four. I never keep any thing, Mordecai?
madam, that is not bottom.-game, game to the Morde. Their passion for this lady, sir. last; ay, ay, you will find every thing that beSquire Groom challenged Sir Callaghan to longs to me game, madam. drink your ladyship's health in a pint bumper Sir A. Ha, ha, ha! weel seed, squere—yes,
-which the knight gallantly accepted'in yes, he is gnme, game to the bottom. – There, an instant, and returned the challenge in a walk aboot, and let us see yeer shapes.-Ha! quart which was as gallantly received and what a fine feegure ; why, yee are so fine a feeswallowed by the squire, ba, ha, ha! and gure, and hai so guid a understanding for it, it is out-braved by a fresh daring of three pints: a peety yee should ever do any thing aw peer upon which I thought proper to decamp; not life, but ride horse-races.- Do na yee think be thinking it altogether safe to be near the cham is a cursed ideot, Mordecai? pions, lest I should be deluged by a cascade of
[Whispering MORDECAT. claret.
Morde. Um! he is well enough for a squireOmncs. Ha, ha, ha!
ha, ha! Char. O, monstrous! they will kill them Groom. Madain, I am come to pay my reselres.
spects to you, according to promise. Well, Morde. Never fear, madam.
which of us is to be the bappy man! you know, Groom, [Within, hallooing.) Come along, I love you--may I never win a match, if I Sir Callaghan Brallaghan, haux, haux ! hark for- dou't. ward, my honies.
Omnes. Ha, ha, ha!
-I see it in your eyes,
Sir A. Weel, but squire, you hai gi us na
account how the match went. Groom. Madan, I beg a million of pardons Chur. Pray, what was the match, sir? for not being with you at dinner-it was not Groom. Our Coutribution, madam. There my fault, upon my honour—for 1 sat up. all are seven of us, -Jack Buck-Lord Brainnight, on purpose" to set out betimes; hut, less-Bob Rattle-(you know Bob, madam, about one o'clock, last night, at York, as we Bob's a damned hones fellow Sir Harry Idle were all damued jolly, that fool, Sir Roger -Dick Riot-Sir Roger Bumper—and myBumper, borrowed my watch to set his by self. We put in five hundred a piece, all to it;—there it is look at it, madam, it cor- ride ourselves, and all to carry my weight.rects the sun—they all stop by it, at Newınar- The odds at starting were sis and seven to four ket:--And so, madam, as I was telling you, against mc, the field round; and the field, ten, the drunken blockhead put mine back two hours, fifteen, and twenty to one-for you must know, on purpose to deceive me--otherwise I would madain, the thing I was to have rid was let have freld fifty to one I should have been here down-do you
mind? --was let down, madam, to a second.
in his exercise. Chur. O, sir, there needs no apology; but Sir A. That was unlucky. how came you to travel in that extraordmary Groom. O, damned unlucky! however, we dress?
started off score, by Jupiter; and for the first Groom. A bett, a beti, madam-I rid my half mile, madam, you might have covered us match in this very dress, yesterday: So, Jack with your under petticoat. But your friend Buck, Sir Roger Bumper, and some more of Bob, madam—ha, ha! I shall never forget them, layed nie an hundred each that I would it; poor Bob went out of the course, and not ride io London and visit you in it, madam-ran over two attornies, an exciseman, and ha, ha! don't you think I have touched them, a little beau Jew, Mordecai's friend, madam, madam? ha? I have taken them all in,-ha! that you used to laugh at so immoderately at hav’n’t I, inadam?
Bath a little, fine, dirty thing, with a choOmnes. Ha, ha, ha!
colate colour'd phiz, just like Mordecai's.Char. You bave, indeed, sir; pray what time The people were in hopes he had killed the lawdo you allow yourself to conlè from York to yers, but were damnably disappointed, when London!
ihey found he had only broke a leg of one, and Groom. Ha! time! Why, bar a neck, a leg, the back of the other. or an arm, sixteen hours, seven minutes, and Unines. Ha, ha, ha! thirty three seconds-sometinies three or four Sir A. And hoó did it end, squire? Who won seconds under, that is, to the Stone's end, not the subscription? to my own house.
Groom. It lay between Dick Riot and me. Sir A. No, no, not tull your own hóose, that we were neck and neck, madam, for three iniles, would be too much.