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as hard as we could lay leg to ground—made Sir A. Get yee behind, get yee behind,
genrunning every inch ; but at the first loose, I felt tlemen.
(Erit. for him, found I had thc foot-knew my bottom Groom. Ay, ay, we'll squat, never fear Sir -pull'd up-pretended to dig and cut-all fudge Archy-an Irishivan make love ! I should be all fudge, my dear; gave the signal to pond, to glad to hear what an Irishman can say when be lay it on thick—had the whip hand all the way makes love. What do you think he'll say little -lay with my nose in his flank, under the wind Shadrach? do you think he'll make love in -thus, song, snug, my dear, quite in hand ; Irish. while Riot was digging and lapping, right and Morde. Something very like it, I dare s.y, left-but it would not do, my dear, against squire. Let us retire, here they come. foot, bottom, and head ; so within a hundred
[Both relire. yards of the distance post, poor Dick knock'd up as stiff as a turnpike, and left me to canter in by Enter SIR ARCHY and Sir CALLAGHAN. myself, and to touch them all round; for I took all the odds, split me-Ha! Wasn't I right : Sir A. Speak bawldly, man; ye ken the old Ha! took the odds. Ay, ay, took all the odds, proverb, Faint heart my dear.
Şir C. That is true never
won fair Omnes. Ha, ha, ha !
lady.'—Yes I think now I have got a bumper or Sir A. Weel, it is wonderful to think to what two, I may tell ber my passion, and bring the a pitch of axcellence oor nobeelity are arrived point to an ecclaircissement. at in the art of sporting ;-I believe we axcel aw Sir A. Ay, that's reeght, mon ! steek to that, the nobeelity in Europe in that science, espe- she wull be wi' ye in a twankliog.-Yeer sercially in jockeyship.
vant, I wish yee guid success.
Erit. Groom. Sir Archy, I'll tell you what I will do Sir C. Sir Archy, your servant ! Well, now -I will start a horse, fight a main, hunt a pack what am I to do in this business?-I know it is of hounds, ride a match, or a fox chace, drive a a great scandal for a soldier to be in love in time set of horses, or hold a toast, with any nobleman of war-I strive to keep her out of my mind, in Europe, for a thousand cach—and I say done hụt can't; the more I strive to do it, the first, damn me.
more she comes in. I am upon the forlorn hope Omnes. Ha, ha, ha!
here, so must e'eu make my push with vigour at Sir A. Why I know ye wull, and I will gang once. yeer hoves. Why, madam, the squire is the keenest sportsman in aw Europe : madam, there
Enter CHARLOTTE. is naithing comes amis tull him; he will fish, or fowl, or hunt-he hunts every thing ; every Char. Sir Callaghan, your servant. thing, frai the flee i'the blonket to the elephant Sir C. Madain, I humbly beg your pardon, in the forest.-He is at aw-a perfect Nimrod; for not seeing of you sooner ; but I was spaking are ye not, squere ?
a soliloquy to myself about your ladyship, and Groom. Yes, dama me, I am a Nimrod, ma-/hacharo Sore Theodore told me you wanted to dam ; at all, at all—any thing, any thing, - Why speak to me upon some particular business. I ran a snail with bis grace, the other day, for Sir C. Why, look you, madam, for iny part I five hundred-nothing in it-won it hollow, was never born or bred in a school of compliabove half a horn's length.
ments, where they learn fine bows, and fine Sir d. By above halia horn's length, that was speeches; but in an academy, where heads, and hollow indeed, squire.
legs, and arms, and bullets, dance country dances Groom. O, devilish hollow.
without the owner's leave; just as the fortune of Sir A. But where is Sir Callaghan aw this war directs. Therefore, madam, all that I can time?
say to you is, that your eyes have made me a Groom. Oh! he's with Sir Theodore, who is prisoner of war, thai Cupid has made a garrison joking him about his drinking bumpers with me, of my heart, and kept me to devilish hard duty; and his passion for you, inadam.
and if you don't relieve me, I shall be a dead Sir A. Ye mun ken gentlemen, this lady and inan before I come to action. I hai laid a scheme to hai a leetle sport with Omnes. lla, ha, ha! Sir Callaghan-now, if ye wool stoop behind Sir A. He begins vary weel ; he has got intul that screen and promise to be silent, I'll gang the heart of the battle already. [ Aside. and fetch him, and ye shall bear him make love Char. But, Sir Callaghan, among all your as fierce as any hero in a tragedy.
symptoms of love, you have forgot to mention Groom. Sir Archy, I'll be as silent as a hound one that I am told is very elegant, and very at fault.
powerful, Sir A. Then do ye retire, madain, and come Sir C. Pray, what is that, madam? in tull him, as if ye came on purpose - I'll fetch Char. A song, that I hear you have made, and him in an instant.
set yourself in the true Irish taste. Char. I shall be ready, Sir Archy. [Esit. Sir C. Madam, I own I have been guilty of
torturing the muses in the shape of a song, and I you can take up your quarters for life with a hope you will pardon my putting your ladyship’s man of honour, á sincere lover, and an loname to it.
nest Prussian soldier, now is your time, I am Char. Upon one condition I will, which is, your man : what do you say, madam? Come, that
you will do me the favour to let ine hear you speak the word boldly, and take me to your sing it.
Sir C. () dear madam, don't ax me; it is a Char. Ha, ha, ha! don't be so violent, Sir foolish song, a mere bagatelle
Callaghan--but say a lady were inclined to do Char. Nay, I must insist upon hearing it, as herself the bonour of going before a priest with vou expect or value the smiles, or fear the you, I suppose you would have so much comfrowns of your mistress ; for by your poetry I plaisance for your inistress, as to quit your trade shall judge of your passion.
of war, and live at home with her, where she to Sir C. Then, madam, you shall have it, if it request it of you. were ten times worse-hem, hem !-fal, lal, la ! Sir C. Wliy, look you, madam, I will deal Jia ! I don't know how I shall come about the with you, like a man of honour in that point too, riglit side of my voice.
and let you into a secret. I have received the Sir A. Ay, ay, noo for it, noo yee shall bear king my master's money (and a brave king he is sic a song as has nai been penn'd sin the time I assure you (for above serenteen years, when I they first clepp'd the wings and tails of the wild had none of my own ; and now I am come to Irish.
a title and fortune, and that he has need of my Sir C. Now, madam, I tell you before hand service, I think it would look like a poltroon to you must not expect such fine singing from me, leave him ;-00, madam, it is a rule with me as you hear at the Opera ; for you know, we never to desert my king, or my friend in disIrishmen are not cut out for it, like the Ita- tress. lians.
Char. Your sentiment is great, I confess: I like
your principles ; they are noble, and most
heroic, but a litle too military for me-ba, ba, Let other men sing of their goddesses bright, ha !
(Erit. That darken the day and enlighten the night; Sir C. What! does she decline the battle? I sing of a woman-but'such flesh and blood,
Well, then, I'll not quit the field yet, tho’; I'll A touch of her finger would do your heart good. reconnoitre her once more, and if I can't bring With my fal, lal, lal, &c. her to action, why, then, I'll break up the camp
at once, ride post to Germany tc-morrow m. riiTen times in each day to my charmer I come, ing, and so take my leare in a passion, without To tell her my pussion, but can't, I'm struck saying a word.
[Erit. dumb; For Cupid he seizes my heart by surprize,
Enter SIR ARCHY and MONDECAS. And my tongue falls asleep at the sight of her eyes.
Morde. Pr’ythee, what is the meaning of
all this, Sir Archy? the house seems to be in Her little dog Pompey's my rival, I see ;
the possession of bailiffs, and Sir Theodore looks She kisses, and hugs him, but frowns upon me ;
and speaks as if an earthquake had just hape Then prythee, dear Charlotte, abuse not
Sir A. Yeer conjecture is vary reeght, Mr. Instead of a lap-dog, take me to your arms.
Mordecai, 'tis aw over wi' bim-he is undonea baggar, and so is the girl.
Morde. You astonish me. Sir A. Come, now the song is over, let us Sir A. It is an unexpected business; but 'tis stcal off.
[ Aside. a tact, I assure ye; here he is himsel, poor Groom. He is a damn'd droll fellow'!-In- dcevil, hoo dismal be leuks. stead of a lap-dog take me to your arms.
Enter Sie THEODORE and an Attorney. Sir A. Hush ! softly, donna let him see us ; steal off, steal off-he is an axcellent droll fel Sir T. You are the attorney concerned for low; a decvilish comical cheeld.
the creditors, Mr. Atkins? [Ereunt Sir ARCHY, Groom, and Attor. I am, Sir Theodore, and am extremeMORDECAI.
ly sorry for the accident. Char. Well, Sir Callaghan, your poetry is
Sir T. I am obliged to you, sir, you do but excellent; nothing can surpass it but your sing- your duty: the young lady is that way, sir; if ing.
you will step to her, I'll follow you. [Erit Sir C. Look'e, madam, to come to the point : Attorney.) I hope you will excuse me, Sir I know I can't talk fine courtship, and love Archy-this is a sudden and unhappy affair; I and nonsense, like other men, for I don't speak am unfit for company; I must go, and open it from my tongue, but my heart; so that if myself to poor Charlotte.
Morde. But pray, Sir Archy, what has occa- contaminating the blood of Macsarcasm wi' any sioned all this?
thing sprung frai a hogshead, or a counting hoose. Sir A. Faith, Mordecai, I do no ken the I assure yee my passion for yee is meeghty strong, particulars—but it see.ns—by the word of Sir madam, but I caonot bring disgrace upon an hoTheodore himsel, that'he and a rich merchant in nourable family. Holland, his partner and joint guardian over Char. No more-your apology is baser than this girl, are baith bankrupts, and, as the law- your perfidy : there is no truth, no virtue in yer that is withoot there confirms, have failid for man. above a hundred thoosand poonds mair than they Sir A. Guid truth, nor in woman neither
that has nai fortune. But here is MordecaiMorde. But how is this to affect the young now, madam-a wandering Israelite, a casualty lady?
---a inere casualty, sprung frai annuities, bulls, Sir A. Why, sir, the greatest part of her for- bubbles, bears, and lottery tickets, and can hai tune was in trade, it seems, with Sir Theodore nai family objactions; he is passionately fond and his partner ; besides the suit in Chancery, of yee; and till this offspring of accident and that she had wi' the company, for above forty mammon I resign my interest in ye. thoosand poonds, has been determined against Morde. Sir, I am infinitely obliged to you ; her this very day, so that they are aw undone. -but-a--matrimony is a subject I have never Baggars ! baggars !
thoroughly considered, and I must take some Morde. I understood that the affair was time to deliberate, before I determine upon that clearly in her favour.
inextricable business. Besides, madam, I asSir A. 0, sir, ye do na ken the law—the sure you, my atfairs are not in a matrimonial law is a sort of hocuspocus science, that smiles situation, in yeer face while it picks yeer pocket : and Char. No apology, sir, begone I despise the glorious uncertainty of it is of mair use them and you. to the professors than the justice of it-Ilere the parties come, and seemingly in great affic
Enter SQUIRE GROON. tion.
Groom. Haux! haux! What's the matter Enter Sır Theodore, and CHARLOTTE.
here? What is all this? What are we all at
fault? Is this true, Sir Theodore ?-I tear that Char. Dear sir, be patient, moderate your you and the hilly are both run on the wrong sorrow ; it may not be so terrible as your appre- side of the post. hensions make it ; pray, bear up.
Sir T. It is too true; but, I hope, sir, that Sir T. For myself I care not. But that you will make no alteration in your affection. should be involved in my ruin, left fortuneless, Groom. Ilark ye, Sir Theodore, I always make your fair expectation of a noble alliance blasted ! my match according to the weight my thing your dignity and affluence fallen to scorn and can carry. When I offered to take her into penury
my stable, she was sound, and in good case Char. It cannot prove so bad, sir ; I wiil --but I hear her wind is touched ; if so I not despair, nor shall you,—for tho' the law would not back her for a shilling. I'll take her has been so hard against me, yet, in spite of all into my stud if you please.---She has a good fore ils wiles and treachery, a competency will still hand, sets both her ends well, has good paces, remain, which shall be devoted to mitigate your a good deal of fashion, some blood, and will do misfortunes. Besides, Sir Archy Macsarcasm is well enough to brced out of-but she cana man of honour, and on bis promise and as not carry weight sufficient to come through.-sistance I will rely.
Matrimony, Sir Theodore, is a cursed long Sir A. Wool ye! ye may as weel rely upon course, devilish heavy, and sharp turnings ;-it the assistance of the Philosopher's stone ; what won't do-can't come through, iny dear, can't the deevil, would she marry me to make me tin. come through. ker up the fortunes of broken ceetezens. But I Sir A. I think, squire, you judge vary neecely. will speak till them, and end the atfair at once. Noo, in my thoughts, the best thing the lady I am concerned to see you in this disorder, Sir can do is to snap the Irishman. Theodore.
Morde. Well observ’d, Sir Archy. Char. O, Sir Archy, if all the vows of friend Groom. Macsarcasm has an excellent nose, ship, bonour, and eternal love, which you have and hits off a fault as well as any hound I ever so often made me, were not composed of idle follow'd. breath, and deceitful ceremony, now let their Sir A. It woold be a deevelish lucky match truth be seen.
for her.— The fellow has a guid fortune, is a Sir A. Madam, I am sorry to be the messen- great blockhead, and looves her vehemently; ger of ill teedings, but aw our connection is at three as guid qualities for a matrimonial bubble, an end; oor hoose hai heard of my addresses as a lady in her circumstances woold wish. Suap till you ; and I hai had letters frai tie dukes, the him, snap bim, madam. marquis, and aw the dignitaries of the fameely, Alorde. Husb! he's here. reinonstrating, nay expressly proheebeting my
Enter SiR CALLAGHAN.
one word you say. First she has a fortune,
then she has vo fortune-and then she has Sir A. Ha! my guid freend, Sir Callaghan, I a great fortune again! this is just what the kiss your bond; I hai been speaking till the lady lidile jackanapes about town call humbugging in your beholf, wi' aw the eloquence I hai ; she a man. is enamoor’d o' yeer person, and yee are just Sir T. Sir, I am serious. come i' the nick to receive her heart and her Sir C. And pray, what are you, madam? Are hond.
you in serious too, or in joke? Sir C. By the honour of a soldier, madam, I Char. Such as I am, sir, if you dare venture shall think that a greater happiness than any upon me for life, I am yours. that fortune can bestow upon me.
Sir C. By the integrity of my benour, ma Sir A. Come, come, madam, true love is in- dam, I will venture upon you not only for life, patient, and despises ceremony; gi' him yeer but for death too! whicli is a great deal longer hond at once.
than life, you know. Char. No, sir, I scorn to deceive a man who Sir T. Í hope, nephew, you will excuse the offers me his heart: tho' my fortune is rain'd, deceit of my feign'd bankruptcy, and the premy mind is untainted; even poverty shall not tended ruin of the lady's fortune ; it was a pervert it to principles of baseness.
scheme devis'd to detect the illiberal, selfish Sir C. Fortune ruin'd ! Pray, Sir Theodore, views of prodigals, who never address the what does the importance of all this language fair but as the mercenary lure attracts-a mean?
scheme to try and renard your passion, which Sir T. The sad meaning is, Sir Callaghan, hath shown itself proof against the time's inthat, in the circuit of fortune's wheel, the lady's fection, station is reversed; she, who some hours since Sir C. Faith then, it was no bad piece of was on the highest rounil, is now degraded to generalsbip in you, But now she has surrenthe lowest: this, sir, has turned the passion these dered herself prisoner of war, I think I bare a gentlemen professed for her into scorn and ri- right to lay her under contribution--for your dicule; and I suppose will cool the fervency of kisses are lawful plunder, and mine by the laws yours.
of love. Sir C. Sir Theodore, I assure you, I am Char. O, Sir Callaghan, you take away my heartily glad of her distress.
breath. Sir T. Sir!
Sir C. O you are a clever little creature. Sir C. When she was computed to have a Upon my honour, her breath is as sweet as the hundred thousand pounds, I lov'd her 'tis true, sound of a trumpet. but it was with fear and trembling, like a inan Groom. Why, the knowing ones are all taken thát loves to be a soldier, yet is afraid of a gun; in here--double distanc'd ; zounds ! she has run because I look'd upon myself as an unequal a crionp upon us. match to her: but now she is poor, and that it Morde. She has jilted us confoundedly. is in my power to serve her, I find something Sir A. By the cross of St. Andrew I'll be rewarm about my heart here, that tells me, I love venged; for I ken a lad of an honourable faher better than when she was ricli, and makes meely, that understands the auncient classicks me beg she will take my life this instant, and all in at their perfaction, be is writing a comedy, I have into her service.
and he shall insinuate baith their characters ide Sir T. Generous indeed, Sir Callaghan. till it.
Sir C. Madam, my fortune is not much, but Morde. And I will write a satire upon her, in it is enough to maintain a couple of lionest which she shall have an intrigue with a life guard hearts, and have something to spare for the ne- man, and an opera singer. cessities of a friend; which is all we want, and Groom. I can't write; but I tell you what I'll all that fortune is good for.
do, I'll poison her parrot, and cut off her squirrel's Sir T. Here, take her, sir; she is yours; and, tail, damn me, what you first thought her, mistress of a noble Sir C. Hark ye, gentlemen, I hope you will fortune.
ax my lave for all this if you touch a hair of the Groom. What !
parrot's head, or a hair of any thing that beMorde. How's this!
[Aside. longs to this lady; or, if you write any of your Sir A. Gently! hush! saftly! he is ainly tak-nonsensical comedies or lampoons, I shall be ng biim in--he is taking him in—the bubble's bit. after making bold to make a few remarks on your
Sir T. And had she millious, your principles bodies ;-hah! I have an excellant pen by my deserve her;-she has a heart, loving and gene-side, that is a very good critic, and that can rous as your own, which your manly virtue write a very legible hand upon impertinent auhas subdued, and temper'd to your warmest thors. wishes.
Sir A. Hul away, hut away, Sir Callaghan, Sir C. Pray, Sir Theodore, what does all donna talk in that idle mainer,'sir-oor swords this mean? Are you in jest, or in earnest ? are as sharp and as responsible as the swords of By my honour, I don't know how to believe other men. But this is nai time for sic maiters,
ye hai got the lady, and we hai got the wul-, lady, for she has miss'd being matchi'd intill the lows I am sorry for the little Girgislite bere, house of Macsarcasm-which is the gratest loss because he hais bespoke bis nuptial chariot, and of aw. aw his leeveries ;-and upon honour, I am verry Sir C. The whole business together is somiesorry for my vary guid friend the squeere-the thing like the catastrophe of a stage play; where lady's fortune would have been very convenient knaves and fools are disappointed, and honest till bim, for, I fancy, he is fetlock deep in the men rewarded.
[Exeunt omnes. torf;-and, upon honour, I am sofry for the