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Ha! What have I done?

Has left me so; is not that a wretched thing? Go, call a coach, and let a coach be called; Tut. Why, then, dear madam ! make no far. And let the man that calls it be the caller;

ther pother, And, in his calling, let him nothing call, Were I your majesty, I would try another. But coach! coach! coach! Oh! for a coach, Queen. I think 'tis best to follow thy advice. ye gods !

[Erit raving Tut. I'll fit you with a husband in a trice :

Here's Rigdum-Funnidos, a proper man;
Returns with a Doctor.

If any one can please a queen, he can.
Bom. How fares your majesty ?

Rig. Ay, that I can, and please your majesty. Doc. My lord, he's dead.

So, ceremonies apart, let us proceed to business. Bom. Ha! dead ! impossible! it cannot be! Queen. Oh! but the mourning takes up

all I would not believe it, though bimself should my care; swear it.

I am at a loss what kind of weeds to wear. Go, join his body to his soul again,

Rig. Never talk of mourning, madam. Or, by this light, thy soul shall quit thy body! One ounce of mirth is worth a pound of sorrow. Doc. My lord, he's far beyond the power of Let us bed to-night, and then we'll wed to-mor

physic: Yis soul has left his body, and this world. I'll make thee a great man, my little PhoscoBom. Then go to the other world and fetch it phorny.

[To ALDI. aside, back.

[Kills him. Aldi: I scorn your bounty ; I'll be king, or And, if I find thou trifles with me there,

I'll chase thy shade through myriads of orbs, Draw, miscreant! draw!
And drive thee far beyond the verge of nature. Rig. No, sir, I'll take the law.
Ha! Call'st thou, Chrononhotonthologos?

[Runs behind the Queen.
I come! your faithful Bombardinian comes! Queen. Well, gentlemen, to make the matter
He comes, in worlds unknown, to make new wars easy,
And gain thee empires numerous as the stars. I'll have you both; and that, I hope will please ye.

[Kills himself. And now, Tatlanthe, thou art all my care:

Where shall I find thee such another pair?
Enter Queen and others.

Pity that you, who've served so long, so well, Aldi. O horrid: horrible ! and horridest hor- Should die a virgin, and lead apes in hell. ror!

Choose for yourself, dear girl, our empire round, Our king ! our general! our cook! our doctor! Your portion is twelve hundred thousand pound All dead! stone dead! irrecoverably dead!

Aldi. Here! take these dead and bloody corpse Oh! (All groun, a tragedy groan.

away; Queen. My husband dead ! 'Ye gods ? What Make preparation for our wedding day. is't you mean,

Instead of sad solemnity, and black, To make a widow of a virgin queen?

Our hearts shall swim in claret, and in sack. For, to my great misfortune, he, poor king,

(Ereunt omnes.

[blocks in formation]

SCENE I.-A palace yard.

Dood. Oh, 'tis a day

Of jubilee, cajollery; Inter DOODLE on one side of the stage, and A day we never saw before ;

Noodle on the other; ofter a long obeisance, A day of fun and drollery.
they embruce.

Nood. That you may say,

Their majesties may boast of it;

And since it never can come more, Dood. Sure such a day,

'Tis fit they make the most of it. So renowned, so victorious

Dood. Oh,'tis a day, 8:6.
Such a day as this never was seen ;

Nood. That you may suy, &c.
Courtiers so gay,

Dood. Sure such a day, &c.
And the mob so uprorious-

Nood. Courtier's so goy, gic.
Nature seems to wear a universal grin.
Nood. Arthur to Doll

Dood. Yes, Noodle, yes ;--to-day the mighty Is grown bobbish and urorious ;

Thumb While both she and Huncamunca tipple, talking Returns triumphant.-Captive giants swarm tawdry ;

Like bees behind his car.
Even Mr. Sol,

[Flourish of Trumpets. So tifted out, so glorious,

Nood. These trumpets speak the king at leGlitters like a beau in a new birth-day embroidery. I vee, I go.

Dood. And I also to offer my petition. King. Thy modesty's a Nambeau to thy merit; Nood. Doodle, do.

[Exit. It shines itself, and shews thy merit too.

O Tommy, Tommy Thumb! what to thy prowess SCENE II.-Inside of the Palace.

do we owe!

Ask some reward-great as we can bestow. The King and Queen seated on a Throne.-- Lord

Tom. I ask not kingdoms, I can conquer GRIZZLE, Courtiers and Attendants.-DOODLE those! and NOODLE apart.

I ask not money,-money I've enough: King. Let no face but a face of joy be seen! If this be called a debt, take my receipt in full : The man who this day frowns, shall lose his I ask but this, to sun myself in Huncamunca', head,

eyes. That he may have no face to frown withal- King. Aside.] Prodigious bold request ! Smile Dollallolla !

[Kisses her. Qucen. Be still my soul! Dood. [Keeling] Dread liege,

King. (After a pause.] It is resolved! This petition

The princess is thy own! [To THUMB. King. [Dashes it away.] Petition me no peti Tom. O happy Tommy! super bappy Thumb; tions, sir, to-day;

Whisper, ye winds, that Huncamunca's inine ! To-day it is our pleasure-to be drunk, The bloody bus'ness of grim war is o'er, And this our queen shall be as drunk as we.

And beauty, heavenly beauty, crowns my toils. Queen. Ist so? why then perdition catch the failers!

Let's have a row, and get as drunk as tailors.

As rohen the chimney-sweeper
AIR. Queen.

Has all the lice long day,

Through darksome paths a creeper,
What though I now am half seas o'er,

Pursued his sooty way :
I scorn to baulk this bout,
Of stiff rack punch fetch bowls a score,

At night, to wash with water
'Fore George, I'll see them out.

His hands and face he flies ;
What though, &c. And, in his t'other tatter,

With his Brickdusta lies.
But, sir, your queen 'twould ill become,
T'indulge in vulgar sips ;

[Erit.-Flourish of trumpets. No drop of brandy, gin, or rum,

King: (Looking fondly at GLUMDALCA.] I Should pass these royal lips.

feel a sudden pain across my breast; But sir, fc.

[Aside. Chorus.--Rum ti iddity, row, row, row, Nor know I whether it proceeds from love

If we'd a good sup, we'd take it now. Or the wind cholic- But time will shew.-HuKing. Though rack, in punch, ten shillings Sure thou wert forin'd by all the gods in council;

geous queen of hearts, were a quart,

Who, having made a lucky hit, beyond their And rum and brandy be but half a crown,

journeywork, Rather than quarrel, thou shalt have thy fill.

Cry'd out—“ This is a woman!" (Flourish of drums and trumpets.

Glum. Then were the gods confoundedly misNood. These martial sounds, my liege, an

taken. nounce the general.

We are a giantess—I tell thee, Arthur, King. Haste we to meet, and meetly to re- We yesterday were both a queen and wife ; ceive him. [Rises from the throne. One hundred thousand giants own'd our sway; [Martial music.]

Twenty whereof were wedded to ourself. Enter Tom THUMB, Attendants, and Glum

Queen. Oh blest prerogative of giantism!

[Aside. DALÇA in chains.

King. Ob! vast queen !--Think our court Welcome, thrice welcome, mighty Thomas Thumb !

Call for wbate'er thou likest-there's nought to Thou tiny hero--pigmy giant queller!

pay, What gratitude can thank away the debt Nor art thou captive, but thy captive we. Thy valour puts upon us.

[ Takes off her chain: [Takes him

and embraces him.

Queen. (Aside.] Ha! Arthur faithless!
Queen. Oh! ye gods !

[Aside. This gag my rival, too, in dear Tom Thumb! Tom. When I'm not thank'd at all, I'm thank'd Revenge-but I'll dissembleenough

Madam, believe that with a woman's eye I've done my duty, and I've done no more. I view your loss----take comfort--for, to

Bows. Queen. Was ever such a godlike creature Our grenadiers shall be called out, then choose seen!

As many husbands as you think you'll want.

thine own;


mcrit was,

Glum. Madam, I rest your much obliged and Queen. How! hast thou seen no giants ? Are very humble servant.


there not Queen. Though greater yet Tom's boasted Now in our yard ten thousand proper giants ?

Griz. Madam, shall I tell you what I'm going He shall not have my daughter, that is pos. to say? I do not positively know, but, as near

[Advancing to the King. as I can guess, I cannot tell; though I firmly do King. Ha! say'st thou?

believe there is not one. Queen. Yes, I say he shan't.

Queen. Out from my sight, base Pickthank, King. How, shan't !

hie, begone! Now by our royal self, we swear I'll be damnd By all my stars, thou enviest Tom Thumb. but he shall.

Griz. Yes, yes, I go; but, madam, know,

(Since your majesty's so pert) AIR.- Queen.

That a flood of Tommy's blood,

To allay this storm shall spirt. Then tremble all, who weddings ever made,

[Ereunt. And tremble more who did this match persuade; For, like a worried cat, I'll spit, I'll squall,

SCENET IV.--An Anti-chamber. I'll scratch, I'll tear the eyes out of ye all.

The King on a Conch. [The King throws his hat at the Queen.]

King. .

-Methought [Exeunt Queen and Ladies.

I heard a voice say,“ Sleep no more!" Dood. Her majesty, the queen, is in a passion. Glumdalca exiles sleep-and therefore, Arthur King. She may be damn'd. Who cares? We Can sleep no more.

were indeed A pretty king of clouts, were we to truckle

The Ghost of Garrer Thumb riscs, with a blue

Lantern on a long staff.
To all her mauling humours.

Ghost. Ohi, Arthur! Arthur! Arthur!

Soon shalt thou sleep enough.
We kings, who are in our senses,

King. Ah! what art thou?
Mock our consort's violences ;

Ghost. The ghost of Gaffer Thumb.
Pishing at their moods and tenses,

King. A ghost ! ---stand off!

I'll have thee laid in the Red Sea.

own will we follow.
If the husband once gives way

Ghost. Oh, Arthur! take hoed.
To his wife's capricious sway,

My thread is spun-list, list, oh, list!
For his breeches he next day

May go whoop and halloo. (Exeunt.

Pale death is prowling,

Dire omens scowling, SCENE III.-Changes to the out side of the

Doom thee to slaughter, palace,

Thee, thy wife, and daughter,

Furies are growling,

With horrid groans :
-Arthur wrongs me!

Grizzle's rebellion,
Cheats me of my Huncamunca!

What need I tell you on? Rouse thee, Grizzle! 'Sblood, I'll be a rebel.

Or by a red cow, Alas! what art thou, honour?

Tom Thumb devoured ? A Monmouth Street laced coat, gracing to-day

Hark! the cock crowing, (Cock crows, My back; to-morrow glittering on afother's

I must be going, To arms! to arms!

I can no more. [Vanishes. Enter Queen, in a rage.

King. No more! and why no more, or why Queen. Teach me to scold, O Grizzle!

so much? Griz. Scold, would my queen ?--say, ah! Better quite ignorant, than half instructed. wherefore !

By Jove, this bo-peep ghost makes game of us, Queen. Wherefore !

Therefore, Fate, keep your secret to yourself. Faggots and fire--my daughter to Tom Thumb! Griz. I'll mince the atom into countless

AIR.—King. pieces.

Such a fine king as I don't fear your threats of e Queen. Oh! no; prevent the match, but hurt rush, not hiin

Do shew your sweet phiz again, and I'll quickly Him!--thou !-thou kill the man

call up a blush, Who kill'd the viants?

For I am up, up, up, Griz. Giants !--why, madan, 'tis all flum

But you

are down, down, down, mery:

Do pop up your nob again, He made the giants first, and then he kill'd them,

And egad I'll crack your crown.


Who cares for you, Mr. Ghost ? or all that you

Enter Tom THUMB can do; I laugh at your stupid threats, and your cock-a Tom. Where is my Huncamunca? where's doodle-do;

(Cock crows. my princess ?
For I am up, up, up,

Where those bright eyes, the card-matches of
But you are down, down, down ; Cupid,
Draw your sword like a man, That light up all with love my waxen soul?
Or I'll bor you for u crown. Hunc. Put out the light, nor waste thy little
Rum ti iddity, &c.

[Scene closes.

Tom. Put out the light? impossible!

As well Sir Solomon might put out his rushlight, SCENE V.-HUNCAMUNCA's Dressing Room. Hunc. I am to Lord Grizzle promised.

Tom. Promised! HUNCAMUNCA at her toilette, FRIZALETTA

Hunc. Too sure, 'tis enter'd in fate's journal. waiting.

Tom. Enter'd! Hune. Give me some music,-see that it be Zounds! I'll tear out the leaf—I'll blot the page [Pand plays a strain.

-I'll burn the book. Oh, Tommy Thumb! wliy art thou Tommy I tell thee, princess, had I been thy helpmate, Thumb ?

We soon had peopled this whole realm with Why had not mighty Bantam been thy father?

Thumbs. Why not the king of Brentford, old or new? Hunc. O fie! I shudder at the gross idea! Friz. Madam, Lord Grizzle.

Tom. Then go we to the king—let him decide,

Whether you shall be Grizzle's or my bride. Enter LORD GRIZZLE.

[Going out hand-in-hand, are met by Griz. (Kneeling.] Oh, Huncamunca! Hun

GLUMDALCA. camunca, oh!

Glum. Stop, brandy-nose ! hopest thou, the Hunc. This to my rank, bold man !

wight, Griz. Ah, beauteous princess !

Who once hath worn my easy chains, will toil Love levels rank,-lords down to cellar bears,

in thine? And bids the brawny porter walk up stairs. Hunc. Easy, no doubt, by twenty husbands Nought is for love too high, nor ought too low

Tom. In the balcony which o'erhangs the stage, Oh, Huncamunca! Huncamunca, oh!

I've seen one wench, two 'prentices engage: Hunc. Mylord, in vain, a-suitoring you come, This half-a-crown doth in his fingers hold, For I'm engaged this instant to Tom Thumb. That just lets peep a little bit of gold. Griz. Play not the fool! that less than baby Miss the half guinea wisely doth purloin, shun,

And scorns the bigger, and the baser coin. Or you will near be brought to bed of one. Hunc. Am I thus fobb'd ?-then I my words

TRIO. recall, Griz. Shall I to Doctor's Common?

Glum. Oh! the vixen pigmy brat, Hunc. Do so, pray.

Of inches scarce half sir; I now am in the mood, and cannot stay.

To slight me for a chit like that,

Ah! Mr. I'om, are these your tricks ? AIR.-GRIZZLE.

Hunc. Oh! the coarse salacious trull,

Who giant paramours twice ten In hurry post for a licence,

To bed can pull, In hurry ding dong come back;

With hugs can lull, For that you shan't need bid me twice hence,

Yet still would gull
I'll be there, and here in a crack.

Young gentlemen.
Hey ting,
My heart's on the wing,

Tom. Little though I be,
I now could leap over the moon;

I scorn the sturdy strum;

Nor ever she,
Let the chaplain
Set us grap'ling,

My deur, from thee
And we'll stock a baby-house soon.

Shall debauch thy own Tom Thumb.

Glum. Oh the viren, $c. Hunc. Oh!

Hunc. Oh the coarse, &c. Griz. Ah!

Erit. Tom. Little though I be, &c. (Eseunt,


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