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I could bite
Pat. Was ever unfortunate creature pursued My tongue through spite
as I am, by distresses and vexations. Some plague bewitch'd me that's for sure. The. My dear Patty !See, farmer, you have
(Exit. thrown her into tears—Pray be comforted.
AIR. SCENE IV.-A Room in the Miller's House.
Pat. Oh leave me, in pity! The falsehood I Enter Giles, followed by Patty and THEODOSI A.
For slander the bosom untainted des AIR.
But rudeness and insult are not to be Giles. Women's tongues are like mill clappers,
borne, And from thence they learn the knack,
Though offer'd by wretches we've sense Of for ever sounding clack.
Of Woman defenceless, how cruel the Why, what the plague's the matter with you ? what do you scold at me for? I am sure I did
Pass ever so cautious, so blameless her not say an uncivil word, as I do know of! I'll
way, be judged by the young lady if I did.
Nature and ency, lurk always in wait, Pat. 'Tis very well, Farmer; all I desire is,
And innocence falls to their fury a that you will leave the house : you see my father
prey: is not at home at present; when he is, if
[Exeunt Patty and Giles. you have any thing to say, you know where to
Enter MERVIN. Giles. Enough said; I don't want to stay in the house, not I ; and I don't much care if I bad The. You are a pretty gentleman, are not you, never come into it.
to suffer a lady io be at a rendezvous before The. For shame, farmer! down on your knees, you. and beg Miss Fairfield's pardon, for the outrage Mer. Difficulties, my dear, and dangers— you have been guilty of.
None of the company had two suits of apparel; Giles. Beg pardon, iniss! for what ? --Icod so I was obliged to purchase a rag of one, and a that's well enough; why I am my own master tatter from another, at the expense of ten times ben't I ?--If I have no mind to marry, there's no the sum they would fetch at the paper mill. harm in that, I hope ; 'tis only changing hands. The. Well, where are they? -This morning she would not have me ; and Mer. Here in this bundle -and, though I now I won't have she.
say it, a very decent habiliment, if you have art Pat. Have you ! Heaven and earth! do you enough to stick the parts together; I've been think, then, 'tis the missing of you, that gives me watching till the coast was clear to bring them concern ? No: I would prefer a state of beggary to you. a thousand times beyond any thing I could eu
The. Let me see
-I'll slip into this closet joy with you ! and be assured, if ever I was and equip myself - All here is in such confuseeininylý consenting to such a sacrifice, nothing sion, there will no notice be taken. should have compelled me to it, but the cruelty Mer. Do, so ; I'll take care nobody shall inof my situation.
terupt you in the progress of your metamorphoGiles. Oh, as for that I believes you; but you sis [She goes in.] -and if you are not tedious, see the gudgeon would not bite, as I told you a we may walk off without being seen by any bit agone, you know; we farmers ncver like to reap what we don't sow.
The. Ha, ha, ha! -What a concourse of Pat. You brutish fellow, how dare you talk?- atoms are here! though as I live, they are a
Giles. So, now she's in her tantrums again, great deal better than I expected. and all for no manner of yearthly thing!
Mer. Well, pray make haste; and don't imaPut. But, be assured my lord will punish you gine yourself at your toilette now, where mode severely for daring to make free with his name. prescribes two bours, for what reason would
Giles. Who made free with it? did I ever scarce allow three minutes, mention my lord ? 'Tis a cursed lie !
The. Have patience; the outward garment is The. Bless me! farmer!
on already; and I'll assure you a very good stuff Giles. Why it is, miss—and I'll make her only a little the worse for the mending. prove her words—Then what does she mean by Mer. Imagine it embroidery, and'consider it being punished? I am not afraid of nobody, nor your wedding suit.--come, how far are you bebolden io nobody, that I know of: while I got. pays my rent, my money, I believe, is as good as The. Stay, you don't consider there's some another’s: egad, if it goes, there, I think there be contrivance necessary. - Hiere goes the a those deserve to be punished more than I. pron—flounced and turbelowed with a witness!
-Alas! alas ! it has no strings ! what shall I
do ? Come, no matter, a couple of pins will The. I am so frighted and Aurried, that I have serve—And now the cap -Oh, mercy! here's scarce strength enough to read it. a hole in the crown of it large enough to thrust my head through.
SIR, Mer. That you'll hide with your straw hat ; * It is with the grentest concern I find, that I or, if you should not-What, not ready yet? have been unhappily the occasion of giving some
The Only one minute more- -Yes, now the uneasiness to you and Miss Sycumore : be assured, work's accomplished.
[ Comes out. had I been apprized of your prior pretensions,
and the young lady's disposition in your faAIR.
vour, I should have been the last person to in
terrupt your felicity. I beg, sir, you will do me Who'll buy good luck ? who'll buy, who'll buy the favour to come up to my house, where I have The gypsy's favours ?- Here am I !
already so far settled matters, as to be able to Through the village, through the town, assure you, that every thing will go entirely to
What charming sav'ry scraps we'll earn! your satisfaction.
Mer. Well ! What do you think of it! Shall
we go to the castle? Well! Young and old, the grate, and gay,
The. Well! The miser and the prodigal ;
Mer. What do you think of it? Cit, courtier, bumpkin, come away ;
The. Nay, what do you think of it? I warrant we'll content you all.
Mer. Eyau, I can't very well tell—However,
on the whole, I believe it would be wrong of us Enter FAIRFIELD and GILES.
to proceed any further in our design of running
away, even if the thing was practicable. Mer. Plague, here's somebody coming! The. I am entirely of your opinion. I swear
Fuir. As to the past, Farmer, 'tis past; I bear this lord Aimworth is a charining man! I fancy no malice for any thing thou hast said.
'tis lucky for you I had not been long enough Giles. Why, Master Fairfield, you know I had acquainted with him, to find out all his goud a great regard for Miss Patty; but when I come qualities. But how the deuce came he to hearto consider all in all, I finds as how it is not Mer. No matter; after this, there can be adviseable to change my condition yet awhile. nothing to apprehend. What do you say? shall
Fair. Friend Giles, thou art in the right; mar we go up to the castle? riage is a serious point, and can't be considered The. By all means ! and in this very trim ; to too warily. Ha ! who have we here? shall I show what we were capable of doing, if my fanever keep my house clear of these vermin? Look ther and mother had not come to reason. But, to the goods, there, and give me a horsewhip- perhaps, the difficulties being removed may lesby the lord Harry, I'll make an example sen your penchant, you men are such unacCome here, Lady Light fingers! let me see what couitable' mortals. Do you love me well enough thou hast stolen.
to marry me, without making a frolic of it? Mer. Hold, miller, hold !
Mer. Do I love you!
oozy beach, Giles. Ill forlune, miss! I think there be no
Can count the num'rous sands thut lie? thing but crosses and misfortunes of one kind or Or distinctly reckon each other.
Transpurent orb that studs the sky? Fair. Money to me, sir ! not for the world ; you want no friends but what you have already ·As their multitude betray, -Lack-a-day, lack-a-day ! see how luckily I And frustrate all attempts to tell : came in: I believe you are the gentleman, to So 'tis impossible to say, whom I am charged to give this, on the part of How niuch I love, I love so well. my lord Aimworth-Bless you, dear sir, go up to his honour, with my young lady-There is a The. But, hark you, Mervio ? will you take chaise waiting at the door to carry you~-I and after my father, and be a very husband now? Or my daughter will take another way.
don't you think I shall take after my mother, and
[Erit Fairfield. be a commanding wife? Mer. Prythee, read this leiter, and tell me Mer. Oh, I'll trust you. what you think of it.
The. But you may pay for your confidence. The. Heaven's, 'tis a letter from lord Aiin
[ Ereunt Mer. and. THE.. worth ! We are betrayed !
Giles. So, there goes a couple ! Icod, I beMer. By what incans I know yot.
lieve Old Nick has got among the people in these
parts ! This is as queer a thing as ever I heard Lord Aim. Why, yes, Master Fairfield, I have of. Master Fairfield and Miss Patty, it seems, a word or two still to say to you-In short, though are gone to the castle, too; wbere, by what I you are satisfied in this affair, I am not; and you larns from Raph in the mill, my lord bas pro- seem to forget the promise I made to you, that, mised to get her a husband among the servants. since I had been the means of losing your daughaNow set in case the wind sets in that corner, I ter one husband, I would find her another. have been thinking with myself who the plague Fair. Your honour is to do as you please. it can be: there are no unmarried men in the Lord Aim. What say you, Patty, will you acfamily, that I do know of excepting little Bob, Icept of a husband of my chusing ? the postillion, and master Jonathan, the butler ; Put. My lord, I have no determination ; you and he's a matter of sixty or seventy years old. are the best judge how I ought to act; whatever I'll be shot if it ben't litile Bob ! Icod, I'll take you command, I shall obey. the way to the castle, as well as the rest ; for I'd Lord Aim. Then, Patty, there is but one perfain see how the nail do drive. It is well I had son I can offer you—and I wish, for your sake, wit enough to discern things, and a friend to he was more deserving-Take me. advise with, or else she would have fallen to my Pat. Sir! lot.—But I have got a surfeit of going a courting, Lord Aim. From this moment our interests and burn me if I won't live a bachelor ! for when are one, as our hearts; and no earthly power shall all comes to all, I see nothing but ill blood and ever divide us. quarrels among folk when they are married. Fair. O the gracious ! Patty—my lord—did I
hear right! You, sir! you marry a child of AIR.
Lord Aim. Yes, my honest old man ! in me Then hey for a frolicsome life!
you behold the husband design'd for your daughI'll ramble where pleasures are rise : ier ; and I am bappy, that, hy standing in the
Strike up with the free hearted lasses ; place of fortune, who has alone been wanting to And never think more of a wife.
her, I shall be able to set ber merit in a light, Plague on it ! men are but asses, where its lustre will be rendered conspicuous. To run after noise und strife.
Fair. But, good, noble sir, pray consider !
don't go to put upon a silly old man! my daughHad we been together buckled,
ter is unworthy-—Patty, child, why don't you 'Twould have proved a fino affuir ;
speak? Dogs would bave barked at the cuckold, Pat. What can I say, father? What answer And boys, pointing, cried — Look there ! to such unlooked for, such unmerited, such un
(E.rit Giles. bounded generosity.
Ralph. Down on your knees, and fall a crySCENE III.-An Apartment in Lord Alm ing. wortu's House, opening to a view of the garden. Pat. Yes, sir, as iny father says, consider-
your noble friends, your relations-It must not, Enter Lord ArmwORTH, FAIRFIELD, PATTY, cannot be. and RALPH.
Lord Aim. It must, and shall-Friends ! Rehave fully satisfied you with regard to the falsity becoine acquainted with your perfections, those, Lord Aim. Thus, Master Fairfield, I hope I lations ! from henceforth I have none, that will
not acknowledge you: and I am sure, when they of the imputation thrown upon your daughter whose suffrage I must esteem, will rather admire and me. Fair. My lord, I am very well content; pray
the justice of my choice, than wonder at its sitdo not give yourself the trouble of saying any
gularity. Ralph. No, my lord, you need not say any
AIR. Fair. Hold your tongue, sirrah.
Lord Aim. Aly life, my joy, my blessing,
In thee, each grace possessing, Lord Aim. I am sorry, Patty, you have had
All must my choice approve. this mortification. Pat. I am sorry, my lord, you have been trou
Pat. bled about it; but really, it was against my con
To you my all is owing,
Oi! take a heart o'erflowing Fair. Well, come, children, we will not take Lord Aim. Thus enfolding,
With gratitude and love. up his honour's time any longer ; let us be going towards home-Heaven prosper your lordship?
Thus be holding the prayers of me and my family shall always Both. One to my soul so dear : Lord Aim. Miller, come back-Patty, stay
Can there be pleasure greater !
Cun there be bliss completer! Fair. Has your lordship any thing further to
'Tis too much to beur. command us?
Enter Sir Harry, Lady SYCAMORE, THEODOSIA, Ralph. Hip, farmer; come back, mon, come and MERVIN.
back--Sure my lord's going to marry sister him
self; feyther's to have a fine house, and I'm to Sir Har. Well, we have followed your lord
be a captain. ship’s counsel, and inade the best of a bad mar
Lord Aim. Ho, Master Giles ! pray walk in; kec-So, my lord, please to know our son-in-law, here is a lady, who, I dare swear, will be glad to that is to be.
see you, and give orders that you shall always Lord Aim. You do me a great deal of honour. be made welcome. I wish you joy, sir, with all my heart ! And now,
Ralph. Yes, tariner, you'll always be welcome Sir Harry, give me leave to introduce to you a
in the kitchen. new relation of mine - This, sir, is shortly
Lord Aim. What, have you nothing to say to to be my wife.
your old acquaintance ? Come, pray let the farSir Har. My lord —
mer salute you-Nay, a kiss—I insist upon it. Lady Syc. Your lordship’s wife !
Sir Har. Ha, ha, ha !-Hem ! Lord Aim. Yes, madam.
Lady Syc. Sir Harry, I am ready to sink at the Lady Syc. And why so, my lord?
monstrousness of your behaviour. Lord Aim. Why, faith, madam, because I can't
Lord Aim. Fy, Master Giles! don't look so live happy without her--And I think she has too sheepish; you and I were rivals, but not less many amiable, too many estimable qualities, friends at present. You have acted in this affair to meet with a worse fate.
like an honest Englishman, who scorned even Sir Har. Well, but you are a peer of the the shadow of dishonour, and thou sbalt sit rent realm; you will have all the fleerers
free for a twelvemonth. Lori Aim. I know very well the ridicule, that
Sir Har. Come, shan't we all salute? With may be thrown on a lord's marrying a miller's your leave, my lord, I'lldaughter; and I own, with blushes, it has for
Lady Syc. Sir Harry! some time had too great weight with me: but we should marry to please ourselves, not other
AIR. people : and, on mature consideration, I can sec no reproach justly merited, by raising a deserv Lord Aim. Yield who will to forms a martyr, ing woman to a station she is capable of adorn
While, unawed by idle shume, ing, let her birth be wbat it will.
Pride for huppiness I barter, Sir Har. Why, his very true, my lord. I
Heedless of the million's blame. once knew a gentleman, that married his cook
Thus with love my arms ( quarter ; maid : he was a relation of my ownYou re
Women graced in nature's frame, meinber fat Margery, my lady? She was a very
Every privilege, by charter, good sort of a woman, indeed she was, and made
Have a right from man to claim. the best suit dumplings I ever tasted.
Lady Syc. Will you never learn, Sir Harry, The. Eased of doubts, and fears presagto guard your expressions ? Well, but give
ing, me leave, my lord, to say a word to you
What new joys within me rise ! There are other ill consequences attending such
While mamma, her frowns assuagan alliance.
ing Lord Aim. One of them I suppose is, that I,
Dares no longer tyrannise. a peer, should be obliged to call this good old
So long storms and tempests rayiniller father-in-law? But where's the shame in that? He is as good as any lord, in being a man;
When the blustering fury dies, and if we dare suppose a lord, that is not an ho
Ah! how lovely, how engaging, nest man, he is, in my opinion, the more respect
Prospects fair, and cloudless able character. Come, Master Fairfield, give
skies! me your hand; from henceforth you have done with working; we will pull down your mill, and Sir Har. Dad! But this is wond'rous pretty, build you a house in the place of it; and the mo
Singing each a ro
roun-de-lay, ney I intended for the portion of your daughter,
And I'll mingle in the ditty, shall now be laid out in purchasing a commission
Though I scarce know what to for your son.
say. Ralph. What, my lord, will you make me a
There's a daughter, brisk and witty, captain !
Here's a wife can wisely sway: Lord dim. Ay, a colonel, if you deserve it.
Trust me, masters, 'twere a pity Ralph. Then I'll keep Fan.
Not to let them have their way.
Enter GILES. Giles. Ods bobs! where am I running ? I beg pardon for my audacity.
My crample is a rare one;
But the cause may be divined : Women want not merit-dure one
Hope discerning men to find.
O ! may each accomplished fair one,
Bright in person, sage in mind, Viewing my good fortune, share
Full as splendid, and as kind!
'Tis as tho'f a man repented
For his follies in a sheet. But my wrongs go unresented, Since the fates have thought them
meet; This good company contented, All my wishes are complete.
Laughed at, slighted, circumvented,
And exposed for folks to see't,