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ears,

know what you mean! I'm sure my study, morn-, will be able to cut off your two daughters, and ing, noon, and night, is how to please and obey leave me all ? him.

dil. If not my landed estate, at any rate I can Ail. Don't believe her, my dear; she's a liar; leave you my ready money; and, by way of preshe neither pleases nor obeys me, and has beha- caution, I will make over to you immediately ved in the most insolent manner.

four thousand pounds, which I have in the three Mrs. Ail. Well, my soul, I'm sure what you per cents, and bonds for near the same sum, say is right; but compose yourself. Look, you, which I lent to Sir Timothy Whisky. Prudence, if ever you provoke your master again, Mrs. Ail, I will have nothing to do with them I'll turn you out of doors. Here, give me bis indeed, Mr, Ailwould; you shan't put them into pillows, and help me to settle bim in his chair- my hands, I assure you; all the riches in the te sits I know not how-Pull your right-cap world will be nothing to me, if I lose you.—How over your ears, my dear. There's nothing gives much do you say you have in the three per people cold so much as letting wind in at their cents?

il. Four thousand pounds, my love. Ail, Ah! my love, I shall never be able to re Mrs. Ail. To talk to me of money, when I pay all the care you take of me.

am deprived of the only person, with whom I Mrs. Ail. Raise yourself a little, that I may could enjoy it !-And how much more in bonds? put this under you—this behind your back-and Ail. About the same sum, sweet-but don't this to lean your head upon.

take on so, Biddy; pray now don't ; you'll throw Pru, And this to cover your brains.

yourself into some illness; and to have us both (Claps a pillow rudely upon his head. sickAil. You cursed jade! do you want to stifle me?

Enter PRUDENCE. [Gets up in a passion, throws the pillows at

Pru. Sir, there are the three doctors below, her, and drives her out.] Mrs. Ail. Hold, hold! what did she do to you? morning.

in the parlour, that were to call upon you this Ail. Do to me! the serpent ! She'll be the

Ail. Ay, they are come to consult upon my death of me, if you continue to keep Ker in the

case.

I'm sorry I spoke to them; but it's too house,

late now, Mrs. Ail. Well, but jewel, you are too apt to

Pru, And there's another gentleman at the flurry yourself. Ail. My sweet, you are the only comfort I ler, who desired me to tell you he had brougit

door, in a chariot, with Mr. Trash, the bookselhave; and, in order to requite your tenderness

Dr. Last. in the best marner I am able, I have resolved,

Ail. I hope the gentlemen in the parlour did as I have told you, to make my will.

not see him ! Mrs. Ail, Ah! don't Talk to me in that man

Pru. No, sir, no. ner! don't, Mr. Ailwould, I beseech you,

uoless

Ail, Very well, then shew the physicians up. you have a mind to break my heart !

Do Ail. Alas! my love, we are all mortal; but I can come to you. I will dispatch these as soon

you, my love, go and entertain Dr. Last till don't cry, Biddy, for you'll make me weep, too. Mrs. Ail. Oh! oh! oh!

as I can; but one must keep up the forms of civility,

[Erit Mrs. AllWOULD. Ail. Nay, dearest

Mrs. Ail. You said something of your will Enter Dr, Corfin, Dr. SKELETON, Dr. Bcldi'dut you?

Ail.' I desired you would speak to your attorney about it.

Cof. Mr. Ailwould, your servant. I have Mrs. Ail. Yes; but I' cannot speak to him obeyed your commands, you see ; and am come, about any suck toing; it would cut me to the with my brothers Skeleton and Bulruddery, to heart.

have a consultation upon your case.—How do Ail. It must be done, Biddy.

you find yourself this morning? Mrs. Ail. No, no, no. However, I have de Ail. Pray, gentlemen, be seated—Why, really, sired him to come hither to-day, and you may doctor, I find myself but very indifferent. speak to him about it yourself.

Ske. How do you sleep, sir? Ail, I would fain be informed in what man Ail. Very indifferent, doctor; chiefly broken ner I may cut off my children, and leave all to slumbers. you.

Bul. And pray, how is your appetite? Mrs. Ail. Alas! my dear, if you should be ta Ail, Indifferent, very indifferent, indeed. I ken away, I'll stay no longer in the world, have made shift to get down a couple of dishes

Ail. My only concern, when I die, will be, of chocolate this morning in bed; about two that I never had a child by you; and Dr. Bul- hours alter, I had some tea and toast with my puddery, the Irish physician, promised me I should wife; just now, I swallowed, with much difficulhave twins.

ty, a bason of soup: and I believe I shall hardly Mrs. Ail. But do you think, my dear, that you take any thing more till dinner.

RUDDERY.

another dropt.

see.

Ske. But, Mr. Ailwould, what are your chief | ping; from thence returned through Cornbill, complaints ?

Temple-Bar, and the Strand, and finished my Ail. Really, doctor, I am afraid my disorder last prescription, between five and six, for a is a complication. Soinetimes I think it is the tradesman in Cockspur street, who had burst a gout, sometimes the rheumatism, sometimes the vein in hallooing at the Brentford election. dropsy, and sometimes I feel myself in a high Bul. Upon my conscience a long tour ! fever: however, gentlemen, Dr. Coffin here has Ske. Long! Why, upon the most moderato been long my good friend and physician; and, calculation, I could not, before I sat down to my by the help of the intelligence he can give you soup, bave run up less than thirty pair of stairs; about my constitution, your art and experience and my horses must have trotted, taking in cross may perhaps enable you to find out what's the streets and turnings, at least eighteen miles and matter with me; so I leave you to your consul- three quarters. tation. Gentlemen, your servant. (AILWOULD, Bul. Without doubt. But you was talking of feeing the doctors as he goes out, drops a guinea.] Brentford. Don't you look upon a contested Stay, doctor, I'll take it up for you.

election as a good thing to the faculty, doctor? Ske. Sir, I thank you; but † think there was Ske. If you mean to us of the college, Dr.

Bulruddery, little or nothing : if indeed, there Ail. No, there was'nt.

should happen to be warm work at the hustings, Ske. Why, I have but two.

the corporation of surgeons may pick up some Ail. But two! ob! oh!

practice; though I don't look upon any of these [Gives him another. E.cit. public transactions as of any great use to our Dr. Corfin, Dr. SKELETON, and Dr. Bul- body in general. Lord mayor's day, indeed, has

RUDDERY, seat themselves with great cere- its merit.
mony; then, after a short silence-

Cof. Yes; that turns to account. Ske. Brother Coffin, shall I trouble you for a Ske. Dr. Doseum and I were making, t'other pinch of your—[Taking snuff] Havannah, I morning at Batson's, a short calculation of what

value that festival might be to the whole physiCof. Brought me from thence by a captain, cal tribe. who assisted in taking the place.

Bul. Is it a secret to what you made it Ske. Sneezes.) Devilish strong!

amount? Bul. I have often Dr. Skeleton, had it in my Ske. Why, what with colds caught on the head to ask some of the faculty, what can be the water before dinner, repletion and indigestion at reason, that, when a man happens to sneeze, all dinner, inebriety after dinner (not to mention the company bows.

the ball in the evening), we made that day and Ske. Sneezing, Dr. Bulruddery, was a mortal its consequences for you know, there are fine symptom, that attended a pestilential disease, foundations laid for future disorders, especially which formerly depopulated the republic of if it turns out an easterly windAthens ; ever since, when that convulsion oc Bul. Does that make any difference? curs, a short ejaculation is offered up, that the Ske. Infinite; for when they come out of the sneezing or sternuting party may not be afflict- hall, in a five perspiration, from the heat of the ed with the same distemper.

room and exercise, should the wind miss them Bul, Upon iny conscience, a very learned ac- in crossing Cateaton street, it's sure to lay hold count! Ay, and a very civil institution too. I of them in turning the corner into Cheapside can't help thinking, doctor, but the gentlemen of Cof. Without doubt. our profession must thrive much better in them Ske. We estimated the whole profit to phythere toreign parts than at home: Now, because sicians, surgeons, apothecaries, chemists, drugo why, one hears of plagues and pestilences, and gists, and nurses, eleven thousand, six hundred, such like kind of disorders, that attack a whole seventy-three ponnds, fourteen shillings, and nation at once. Now, here, you know, we are threepence three-farthings. obliged to pick up patients one by one, just as a

Enter AILWOULD. body can get them.

Cof. Ay, doctor; and, since the great in Ail. Gentlemen, I beg pardon for this intercrease of this town, the sick lie so scattered, that ruption ; but you have been consulting upon my one pair of horses are scarce sufficient for a phy- case, and I have some particular reasons for cosician but in moderate practice.

ming thus suddenly, to desire to know what opiSke. True; why, there was yesterday, the first nion you have yet been able to form? pulse I felt helonged to a lad with the measles Cof. [To SKELETON.) Come, sir. in Dean's yard, Westininster: froin thence I set Ske. No, sir; pray do

you

speak. out between seven and eight, my wig fresh pow Cof. Before my senior ! pray, excuse me. dered, and my horses in spirits; I turned at Cha Ske. (To BULRUDDERY.] Doctorring cross for the New Buildings; then run through Bul. The devil burn myself if I do! the Holborn division, crossed the Fleet-market, Ail. Nay, pray, gentlemen, leave these cereaud penetrated into the city as far as White-cha- monies; and, if you have been able to form any pel; then made a short crip to the wife of a sales opinion, instruct me. man, who had the gout in her stomach, at Wap

Cof. Why, really, sit, to tell you the truth to Allwould.] Many a one of them comes to ax Brother Skeleton

my advice and assistance, when they don't know Ske. We have not yet, with all the observa- what to do themselves. tions we have been able to make upon your Cof. Come, Come, friend, we know you. and complaints—I say, sir—and after the the Dr. Last. Well, and I knows you-Pray, Dr. most abtruse disquisitions, we have not as yet Coffin, didn't you attend one Mrs. Greaves, a talbeen able to form any opinion at all.

low-chandler's widow, that lodged at the porkAil. Well, this is all I want to be acquainted shop in Fetter-lane? and did'nt she send for me with; because, if you have not been able to form after you gave her over? any opinion, I have been happy enough to meet Cof. Yes; and she died in two days. with a physician that has.–Pray, sir, do me the Dr. Last. Well, so she did; but that was no favour to walk in here,

fault of mine; she should have sent for me first, Enter Dr. Last, bowing with great state to DR.

What could I de for her after you had killed the Corfin, DR. SKELETON, DR. BUL RUDDERS,

poor dear soul?

Cof. But, Mr. Ailwould, we are come here to and AILWOULD.

consult upon your case; and if you permit us, Ail. This gentleman, is Dr. Last: and he as we are willing sures me,

that
iny

disorder is a confirmed jaun Ail. O! nothing I desire so much; and, to asdice.

sist you, I'll leave this gentleman; he may give Doctors. A jaundice !-ha, ha, ha!

you further reasons for what he advances. Dr. Last. What do you grin at? I says he has Ske. What, sir! do you think we'll consult the janders, and I'll uphold it. I'll lay you with a quack? fifty pounds he has the janders, and the gentlman Bul. Ay! do you think we'll be after consulte shall hold the stakes himself.

ing with a quack? Cof. Well, but Mr. Ailwould, this is altogether Dr. Last. I'm no quack.— I have been reguridiculous. Did you ever see a man of your co- larly submitted; and I'll persecute you for your lour with the jaundice?

words in Westminster-Hall. Ail. Why, that's true; (Turning to Last.] Cof. Mr. Ailwould we are your humble serevery one tells me, that I have a florid coinplex- vants ion; now the jaundice gives a yellow hue: Will Ail. Well, but, gentlemen, your fees; you'll you be so good as to explain that?

return them I hope? Dr. Lust. Well, so I can, but not for the doc Cof. Return our fees, sir ! tors. If I does it, it's all entirely to oblige you. Bül. Return our fees! Arrah, is the man

Ske. We shall hear how the impudent rascal mad? will bring himself off.

Ske. Sir, it is a thing entirely out of the Dr. Last. There are two sorts of janders; the course of practice. We wish you a good moruyallar, and the grey.

ing. Bul. The black, I believe you mean, honey? Cor. Bul.and Ske. go out with great formality, Dr. Last. No, I don't.

Ail. Why then, gentlemen, your servant, and Cof. But you must, sir; there is no such thing good morning to you. Let them go; I'm glad as the grey jaundice.

we have got rid of them at any rate. Ske. Oh! gentlemen, the doctor means the Dr. Last. Here, you Coffiniron-grey, and that's alınost black, you know. Ail. Pray, let him alone now.

Dr. Last. They only does this to put me out Dr. Last. I would send him a challenge, if I now, because I'm no collegion.

was not afraid of being committed. Ail. Well, pray, doctor, go on with your ex Ail. A challenge! Why, did you ever fight? planation.

Dr. Lust. Yes; I had like to be killed two or Dr. Last. Well, I says then—{To AILWOULD, three times; but I never was. who turns about for something.] I won't talk with Ail. It was very well for me, l'ın snre. out you minds the yallar janders, I say, is Dr, Last. You must think they all bates me, the yallar janders is, as if so be

because I out-does them in curing; and they are Cof: Why, you were talking of the grey jaun- ostentious in their own way, and won't be learndice this moment.

ed. Dr. Last. No, I was'nt; I did'nt say a word of Ail. And so, doctor, you are really of opinion, the gray janders-did I Mr. Ailwould ?-It's the that I have a disposition to the jaundice? yallar janders.--I knows well enough what I'm Dr. Lust. Yes, you have; and it's one of the about if you'll let me alone.

six and twenty disorders specificd in my adverCof. Well, what of the yallar janders? tisement; and I challenge all England to do

Dr. Last. Wy, I won't tell you -I won't the like, to cure six and twenty disorders with say a word more now; if you think to protit, one medicine, without confinement, or hinderyou're mistaken; you sha'ni learn nothing from ance of business, or knowledge of a bedfellow.

You understand me? for that's in it too, if you Cof. You're a bloody impudent fellow! have any remains lurking in your blood from bad

Dr. Last. I does my cures no purchase no treatment. pay; and which of you can say that? [Turning

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Ail. No, no ; Heaven be thanked ! I never spare time on my hands. suppose I was to take had any such thing in my life.

in the intervals, a mug or two of the dog and Dr Last. So much the better for you ; but if duck water, or Islington Spa, or Bagnige Wells, you had, I could soon set you to rights again.— by way of diluting. Why, there was three affidavy's in the paper Dr. Last. You must'nt take nothing by way last Wednesday, acknowledging benefits received of dissolution, but a few broth, made with verfrom me; one from a journeyman tailor, bed-rid min's jelly with the rheumatiss ; another from a hackney Ail. Have you any objection then, to my coachman that had been three times tapped for going to Chelsea, to be fumigated at Dominithe dropsy, and one from a child's mother that cetti's ? I cured of the dry gripes.

Dr. Last. Domini devil's ! don't go near him! sil. Well, doctor, if you will now come into Is it to be sweated you wants ? If that be all, I the next room, I will introduce you to my daugh- can sweat you myself. Do you chuse to be ter.

sweated ? Dr. Last. What! in this trim ? I would not Ail. Why, if I thought it would do me any for fifty guineas; besides I am going to see a good gentlewoman, that I've got in hand for an im Dr. Last. Well, I'll consider of it ;-but repostor ;-but I'll tell you what I'll do-I'll member, Mr. Ailwould, I have taken you in hand dress myself, and come to you in the evening. now, and if you go to be purged, or puked, or

Ail. Well, do so, then, if it be more conve- buy a sup of physic from any one else-but I nient to you.—But stay, doctor, your paper of suppose you knows better what belongs to the directions orders your medicine to be taken charakter of a gentleman.

(Ereunt. only every three hours ; now as I have some

ACT II

me ;

SCENE I.--Another room in AilWOULD'S Pru. Ay; but this day is too late, it should house.

bave been done yesterday : for now her father

is going to marry her to another person-a rascal Enter PRUDENCE followed by HARGRAVE. ' quack—Though, I think, if we could set my

master against him, which would be no very hard Pru. Come, sir, follow

I'll venture to matter. bring you in, since you've ventured to knock at Har. As how? the door.

Pru. I don't know any method so sure as by Har. But tell me, my best girl, cannot you the help of another quack ; for he falls in love contrive to make me happy in the sight of your with every new medicine he bears of. charming mistress? Pru. No, Mr. Hargrave, I cannot, indeed! fellow for my servant, and there is a thought

Har. Say you so? Gad I have a good comical you have been told so a thousand times already: come into my head. I sent you word so by your servant this morning, Pru. Hush! here's my master ; step into the but you won't be satisfied ; and, if you had not next room a little, while I prepare him for your been imprudent enough already, you are now reception.

[Erit VAR. come here in person to put the finishing stroke to our ruin.

Enter AILWOULD. Har. No, my good Prue, I was aware of that, and am not come here in my own character, but

Ail. Dr. Last directed me, during the operaas a friend of your young lady's Italian master, tion of his medicine, to take ten or twelve turns who has given me leave to say he has sent me in about the room ; but I forgot to ask him whehis place.

ther it would be most efficacious, the long way, Pru. That's more forecast than I thought you or the broad—I wish I had asked him that. capable of.

But why have you been so neg Pru. Sir, here is a ligent? did not you tell my mistress, that Ail. Speak low, hussy ; you are enough to you would make a formal proposal to her fa- shock my brains-You don't consider, that it is ther ?

not fit to bawl in the ears of sick people ! Har. True-Nor is it my fault that it has Pru. I was going to tell you, sirnot been done ; I spoke to Mr. Friendly, Mr. Ail. Speak low, I say. Ailwould's brother in-law, who assured me he Pru. Sir Speaks so low as not to be heard. would make it his business to come here this Ail. Eh ! day for that purpose.

Pru. I was going to tell you

[Very low.

pretty well.

Ail. What is it you say?

Nan. I dreamt last night, papa, that I was Pru. [Very loud.]I say, here's a man without in a crowd coming out of the play-house, where wants to speak with you.

a rude fellow attempted to lay hold of me; Ail. Well, you devil! let him come in. when a gentleman, exactly like this came to my Pru. [As loud as she can bawl.]Come in, sir. assistance, and rescued me from the ruffian's Ail. Oh! my head, my head !

hands; and I am surprised, papa, to see be

fore me the very same person I fancied in my Enter HARGRAVE.

dream

Ail: Did you ever hear such an idiot as it is! Har. Mr. Ailwould

Har. I count myself extremely furtunaie, maPru. Don't speak so loud, for fear of shocking dam, to have employed your thoughts either my master's brains,

sleeping or waking; and should esteem myself Har. I am very glad to see you out of bed, particularly happy to relieve you from any disand to see that you grow better.

tress, which accident might throw you into : for, Pru. What do you mean by growing better? I assure you madam—it's false, my master's always very ill.

Ail. Why, now, sir, you are rather more foolHar. I don't know how that may be—but Iish than she-But, pray have done with your was told he was better; and I think he looks nonsense, both the one and the other: and yoa

sir, if you please, give the girl her lesson. Pru. Poh! you're blind, he looks as bad as Har. You know, ma'am, a great man formerpossible ; and they are impertinent people, that ly said, that if he spoke to the gods, he would say he mends : he grows worse and worse. speak Spanish; to men, French; but women, Ail. She's in the right of it.

Italian, as the properest language for love, Pru. He walks, eats, and drinks like other Ail. A strange round-about way of beginmen; but that's no reasou why he should not be ning ? in a bad state of health.

Har. If he was to speak to his horse, indeed, Ail. 'Tis very true.

he said, he would speak bigh Dutch ; as, for exHar. I can only say then, sir, that I am ex-ample, Das dick de donder schalq. tremely sorry for your indisposition; and hope Ail. So, you won't have done fooling? you will soon get the better of it.

Har. Pray, sir, give me leave; every master Ail. And now conspliments are past, sir has his method-No doubt, madam, you have Pray may I take the liberty to desire to know been informed, that the adjective must agree who you are?

with the substantive; as thus-Nanetta bella, Har. Sir, I come here on the part of Miss beautiful Nancy, (Softly to her.] that is you, iny Ailwould's Italian master, who is gone for some charmer-Amante fidele, Faithfullover-[Sortly time into the country, and sends me, being his to her.] that's me, my charmer, who doats upon intimate friend, to continue her lessons ; lest, you more than life. (AilWOULD coming chose to by interrupting them, she should forget what listen, HARGRAVE, raises his voice.] Now these, she has already learned.

ma'am, must agree in gender, number, and in case. Ail. Very well : call Nancy.

Ail. Ay, that's right enough; I remember Pru. I believe, sir, it will be better to take when I was learning grammar myself. the gentleman into her chamber.

Har. Come, madam, we'll take a verb active, Ail. No, let her come here.

and begin, if you please, with Amo, to lovePru. He can't give her her lesson so well, if Have you any objection to that? he is not alone with her.

Nan. By no means, sir. Ail. I warrant you.

Har. Then pray give a little attention, and Pru. Besides, it will only disturb you in the conjugate after me, that you may catch the accondition you are in, to have people talking in cent—Io amo, I love. the room.

Nan, Io amo, I love. Ail. Leave that to me-where is my dauglı Har. O fy! that's not a proper tone_You'll ter ?—Rot you, get out of iny sight, and let me pardon me for reprimanding miss before you. know when Dr. Last comes ! [Erit PRUE.

You must pronounce the words with more

tenderness, ma'am : take notice of me-lo ame, Enter NANCY,

I love. Nancy, my dear, your Italian master is gone Nan. (Very tenderly.] Io amo, I love. into the country, and has sent a gentleman to Ail. I won't have her pronounce it any more; teach you in his room,

I dou't know what words you'll have the impuNan. Oh, heavens !

dence to teach her presently. Ail. What's the matter? Why this astonish

Enter PRUDENCE. ment? Nan. Because, papa

Pru. Sir! Ail. Because what?

Ail. What now ? Nun. Lord, sir ! the most surprising thing Pru. Might I speak with you, sir. happens here!

Ail. Speak with me! dil. So it seems, indeed.

Pru. If it won't disturb you, sir.

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