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King. Open the prisons, set the wretched [THUMB is thrown out of the Cow's mouth, and

free!

And bid our treasurer disburse five guineas
To pay their debts.-Let our arch necromancer,
Sage Merlin, straight attend us :-we the while
Will view the triumph of our son-in-law.

Hunc. Take note, sir, that on this our wedding day

Two victories hath my gallant husband won.
Enter NOODLE.

Nood. Oh, monstrous, dreadful, terrible! oh! oh!

King. What means the blockhead ?

Nood. But to grace my tale with decent horror;

Tom Thumb is no more!

A huge red cow, larger than the largest size, just now i'the open street,

Before my eyes, devour'd the great Tom Thumb!
[A general groan.
King. Shut, shut again the prisons:
Let our treasurer

Not issue out three farthings. Hang all the cul

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starts fiercely.]

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Love's in haste, don't stay him; Deep we are in Hymen's debt, And 'tis high time we pay him.

[Kills PLUM. Hunc. [To Tom.] Have, dear Tommy,

And but reserves ourselves for his bon bouche. So when the boy,whom nurse from danger guards, Sends Jack for mustard with a pack of cards; Kings, queens, and knaves, tip one another down,

Pity on me;

I am by shame restricted;

Yet I obey,

So take your way,

I must not contradict it.

Till the whole pack lie scatter'd and o'erthrown. Griz. [To Glum.] Grandest Glum, in my behoof,

Thus all our pack upon the floor is cast,

And my sole boast is, that I will die the last.

[Stabs himself. They all lie on the stage dead.

To love's law be pliant; Me you'll find a man of proof, Although not quite a giant.

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SCENE I.-The outside of a Cottage near a I waited on a gentleman at Oxford, where I

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learnt-very near as much as my master; from whence I attended a travelling physician six years, under the facetious denomination of a Merry Andrew, where I learnt physic.

Dor. O that thou had'st followed him still!

Cursed be the hour, wherein I answered the parson, 'I will.'

Gre. And cursed be the parson that asked thee the question!

Dor. You have reason to complain of him indeed-who ought to be on your knees every moment, returning thanks to Heaven, for that great blessing it sent you, when it sent you myself. I hope you have not the assurance to think you deserv'd such a wife as me? Gre. No, really, I don't think I do. AIR I.-Bessy Bell. DORCAS.

When a lady like me, condescends to agree,
To let such a jackanapes taste her,

With what zeal and care, shou'd he worship the fair,

Who gives him what's meat for his master ?
His actions should still

Attend on her will :—

Hear, sirrah, and take it for warning;

To her he should be

Each night on his knee,

And so he should be on each morning. Gre. Meat for my master! you were meat for your master, if I an't mistaken. Come, come, Madam, it was a lucky day for you, when you found me out.

Dor. Lucky, indeed! a fellow, who eats every thing I have!

Gre. That happens to be a mistake, for I drink some part on't.

Dor. That has not even left me a bed to lie on!

Gre. You'll rise the earlier.

Dor. And who, from 'morning till night, is eternally in an alehouse!

Gre. It's genteel; the squire does the

same.

Dor. Pray, sir, what are you willing I shall do with my family?

Gre. Whatever you please.

Dor. My four little children, that are continually crying for bread?

Gre. Give 'em a rod! best cure in the world for crying children.

Dor. And you imagine, sot

Gre. Hark ye, my dear, you know my temper is not over and above passive, and that my arm is extremely active.

Dor. I laugh at your threats, poor, beggarly, insolent fellow!

Gre. Soft object of my wishing eyes I shall play with your pretty ears.

Dor. Touch me if you dare, you insolent, impudent, dirty, lazy, rascally

Gre. Oh, ho, ho! you will have it then, I find. [Beats her.

Dor. O murder, murder!

Enter Squire ROBERT.

Rob. What's the matter here? Fie upon you, fie upon you, neighbour, to beat your wife in this scandalous manner!

Dor. Well, sir, and if I have a mind to be beat, and what then?

Rob. O dear, madam, I give my consent with all my heart and soul.

Dor. What's that to you, saucebox? Is it any business of your's?

Rob. No, certainly, madam!

Dor. Here's an impertinent fellow for you, won't suffer a husband to beat his own wife;

AIR II.-Winchester Wedding. Go thrash your own rib, sir, at home, Nor thus interfere with our strife;

May cuckoldom still be his doom,

Who strives to part husband and wife!

Suppose I've a mind he should drub,
Whose bones are they, sir, he's to lick?
At whose expence is it, you scrub?

You are not to find him a stick. Rob. Neighbour, I ask your pardon heartily; here, take and thrash your wife; beat her as you ought to do.

Gre. No, sir, I won't beat her.

Rob. Oh, sir, that's another thing.

Gre. I'll beat her when I please, and will not beat her when I do not please. She is my wife, and not yours.

Rob. Certainly.

Dor. Give me the stick, dear husband. Rob. Well, if ever I attempt to part husband and wife again, may I be beaten myself.

[Erit ROB. Gre. Come, my dear, let us be friends. Dor. What, after beating me so? Gre. 'Twas but in jest. Dor. I desire you will crack your jests on your own bones, not on mine.

Gre. Pshaw! You know you and I are one, and I beat one half of myself when I beat you. Dor. Yes, but for the future I desire you will beat the other half of yourself.

Gre. Come, my pretty dear, I ask pardon; I'm sorry for't.

Dor. For once I pardon you-but you shall pay for it. [Aside.

Gre. Psha! psha! child, these are only little affairs, necessary in friendship; four or five good blows with a cudgel between your very fond couples only tend to heighten the affections. I'll now to the wood, and I promise thee to make a hundred faggots before I come home again. Exit.

Dor. If I am not revenged on those blows of yours!-Oh, that I could but think of some method to be revenged on him! Ilang the rogue, he's quite insensible of cuckoldom?

AIR III.-Oh London is a fine town.
In ancient days, I've heard, with horns
The wife her spouse could fright,
Which now the hero bravely scorns,
So common is the sight.
To city, country, camp, ar court,
Or wheresoe'er he go,

No horned brother dares make sport;
They're cuckolds all a-row.

Oh that I could find out some invention to get him well drubbed!

Enter HARRY and JAMES.

Har. Were ever two fools sent on such a message as we are, in quest of a dumb doctor!

James. Blame your own cursed memory, that made you forget his name. For my part, I'll travel through the world rather than return without him; that were as much as a limb or two were worth.

Har. Was ever such a cursed misfortune, to

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