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His beard so frowsy, his gestures so aukward are, Both. You will lie till your're mouldy upon And his bagpipe has so drowsy a drone,

shelf. That if they find you, as I did, no backwarder, You may count on all the girls as your own.

Daph. You stump o' th' gutter, you hop o' my

thumb, Mys. [From within.] Pol, Pol! make haste

A husband for you must from Lilliput hither. Pol. Death, what a time to call !

Nysa. You stalking steeple, you gawky stag, Oh! rot your old lungs of leather.

Your husband must come

from Brobdige B'ye, Daph.

nag. Daph. B'ye, Pol.


Sour grapes !

Lead apes!
Enter Nysa.

Both. I'll humble your vanity, Mistress Trapes.
Nysa. Marry come up, forsooth,
Is't me, you forward vixen,

Daph. Miss, your assurance,
You choose to play your tricks on?


And miss, your high airs,
And could your liquorish tooth Daph. Is past all endurance,
Find none but my sweetheart to fix on? Nysa.

Are at their last prayers. Daph. Marry come up again,

Daph. No more of those freedoms, Miss Nysa, I Indeed, my dirty cousin !

beg. Have you a right to every swain? Nysa. Miss Daphne's conceit must be lowered a Nysa. Ay, though a dozen.

peg. .

Poor spite!

Pride hurt!


Liver white !

Rare sport!
Daph. My minikin miss, do you fancy that Pol Daph. Do shew your teeth, spitfire, do, but
Can ever be caught by an infant's dol ?

you can't bite, Nysa. Can you, Miss Maypole, suppose he will Nysa. This haughtiness soon will be laid in fall

the dirt.
In love with the giantess of Guild-hall ?

Poor spite, &c.
Pigmy elf!

Pride hurt, 8c.
Colossus itself!


Nysa." }

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Nysa. Young birds alone are caught with chaff; | SCENE III.-A Laton before Midas's House

At your base scheme I laugh.
Mid. Yet take my vows-

Enter Nysa.
Nysa. I would not take your bond, sir-
Mid. Half my estate

Nysa. Good lack! what is come o'er me?
Nysu. No; nor the whole-my fond sir.

Daphne has stepped before me !

Envy and love devour me.

Pol doats upon ber phiz hard;
'Tis that sticks in my gizzard.

Midas appears now twenty times more Ne'er will I be left i' the lurch;

hideous. Ceuse your bribes and wheedling:

Ah, Nysa ! what resource !-a cloyster. Till I'm mude a bride i' the church,

Death alive-yet thither must I run,
I'll keep man from meddling.

And turn a nun.
What are riches,

Prodigious !
And soft speeches
Baits and fetches
To bewitch us :

When you're won us,
And undone us,

In these greasy old tatters,
Cloy'd, you shun us,

His charms brighter shine;
Frowning on us,

Then his guitar he clatters,
For our heedless peddling.

With tmkling divine.

But, my sister,
Ah! he kissed her,

And me he passed by;

I'm jealous

Of the fellow's

Bad taste, and blind eye. Midas, then Pan, and Pou listening.


SCENE IV.–Midas's Parlour.

Alid, Well, master Pol I'll tickle,
For him, at least, I have a rod in pickle:

When he's in limbo,
Not thus our hoity toity miss,

Will stick her arms a-kimbo.

Midas, Mysis, and Pan, in consultation oder a

large Bowl of Punch, Pipes, and Tobacco.

Pan. So, squire ! well met I flew to know

your business. Mid. Why, Pan, this Pol we must bring down

on his knees. Pan. That were a feat, indeed;-a feat to

brag on. Mid. Let's home-we'll there concert it o'er

a flaggon. I'll make him skip

Pan. As St. George did the dragon.

Mid. Come, Pan, your toast-
Pan. Here goes, our noble umpire !
Mys. And Pol's defeat-I'll pledge it in a bum-

Mid. Hany him! in every scheme that whelp

has crossed us.
Mys. Sure he's the devil himself;
Pan. Or Doctor Faustus.
Mys. Ah ! Squire--for Pan, would you

stoutly stickle,
This Pol would soon be in a wretched pickle.

Pan. You reason right-
Mid. His toby I shall tickle.
Mys. Look, squire, I've sold my butter, here

it's price is
At your command, do but this job for Mysis.
Count them--six guineas and an old Jacobus,
Keep Pan, and shame that scape-grace coram



If into your hen-yard
The treacherous reynard

Steals slily, your poultry to ravage
With gun you

attack him, With beagles you track him,

All's fair to destroy the fell savage.
So Pol, who comes picking
Up my

tender chicken,

No means do I scruple to bunish;

I'll o'erbear him,
JVith fraud I'll ensnare him,
By hook or by crook he shall danish.


Mid. Goody, as 'tis your request,

I pocket this here stuff';
And as for that there peasant,
Trust me I'll work bis buff.

At the inusical struggle
I'll bully and juggle ;

My award's
Your sure card.


Blood, he shall Ay his country-that's enough.

Pan. Well said, my lad of wax!

Mid. Let's end the tankard, I have no head for business till I've drank bard. Pan. Nor hare iny guts brains in them till

they're addle, When I'm most rocky I best sit my saddle. Mid: Well, come, let's take one bouze, and

roar a catch, Then part to cur affairs.

Pan. A match !
Mys. A match!


If a riral thy character draw,
İn perfection he'll find out a flat ; .

With black he will paint,

Make a de'il of a saint,
And change to an owl a macca.
Dam. Cun a father pretend to be wise,
Who his friend's good advice would de-

spise ?
WVho, when danger is nigh,

Throws his speciacles by,
And blinks through a green girl's eyes ?
Sil. You're an impudent pimp, and a grub!
Dam. You are fooled by a beggarly scrub;

Your betters you snub. Sil. Who will lend me a club,

This insolent puppy to drub?

You are an impudent pimp, and a grub. Dam. You're cajoled by a beggarly scrub, Sil. Who will rot in a powdering tub. Dam. Whom the prince of impostors I dub; Sil. A guinea for a club, Dam. Your bald pate you'll rub, Sil. The muckworm to drub. Dam. When you find that your cubSil. Rub off, sirrah ; rub, sirrah, rub. Dam. Is debauched by a whip'd syllabub.


Mid. Master Pol,
And his toll-de-roll-loll,

I'll buffet away from the plain, sir. Pan. And I'll assist

Your worship's fist

With all my might and main, sir. Mys. And I'll have a thump,

Though he is so plump,

And make such a wounded racket.
Mid. I'll bluff,
Pan. I'll rough,
Mys. I'll huff,
Mid. I'll cutt,
Omn. And I'll warrant we pepper his jacket,
Mid. For all his cheats,
And n enchingfeats,

He shall rue on his knees 'em.
Or skip, by goles,
As high as Paul's,

Like ugly witch on besom ;
Arraign'd he shall be,

Of treason to me!
Pan. And I with my davy will back it;

I'll swear,
Mid. I'll snare,
Mys. I'll tear,
Omn. O rare!
And I'll warrant we'll pepper his jacket.



Enter Sileno and Mysis, attended by DAPENE

and Nysa.

Mys. Soh! you attend the trial we shall

drive hence Your vagabond

Sil. I smoke your foul contrivance.
Daph. Ah, Ny! our fate depends upon this

Nysa. (To DAPHNE.) For your sake my

cla:m I here forego; And with your Pol much joy I wish you.

Daph. O, gemini! say'st thou me so? Dear creature, let me kiss you. Nysa. Let us kneel, and beg his stay; papa

will back us. Daph. Mamma will storm. Nysa. What then ? she can but whack us.



Enter SILENO and DAMÆTAS, in wari

Argument. Sil. My Daph a wife for thee, the squire's base

pandar! To the plantations sooner would I send her.

Dam. Sir, your goud wife approved my offers.

Sil. Name her not, hag of Endor, What knew she of thee but thy coffers? Dam. And shall this ditch-born whelp, this

jack-anapes, By dint of congees and of scrapes Sil. These are thy slanders, and that cankered

hag'sDam. A thing made up of pilfered rags

Sil. Richer than thou, with all thy brags Of flocks, and herds, and money-bags.

Daph. Mother, sure you never

Will endeavour
To dissever
From my favour

So sweet a suain ?
None so clever

E'er trod the plain. Nysa. Father, hopes you gave her,

Don't deceive her ;
Can you leave her


What the devil's here to do,

Ye logger heads and gypsies ? Sirrah, you ! and hussy, you !

And each of you tipsy is : But I'll as sure pull down your pride as

A gun, or as I'm Justice Midas.


O tremendous Justice Midas!
Who shull oppose wise Justice Midas !


Mid. I'm given to understand, that you are all

in a pother here, Disputing whether Pan or Pol shall play

to you another year. Dare

you think your clumsy lugs so pro

per to decide, as
The delicate ears of Justice Midas?


Sunk for ever

In pining care ?
Haste and save her

From black despair.
Daph. Think of his modest gruce,

His voice, shape, and fuce ;
Nysa. Hearts alarning,
Daph. Bosoms warming,
Nysa. Wrath disarming,
Daph. With his soft lny:
Nysa. He's so charming,

Ay, let him stay,
Both. He's so charming, &c.
Mys. Sluts, are you lost to shame?
Sil. Wife, wife, be more lame.
Mys. This is madness!
Sil. Sober sadness !
Mys. I with gladness

Could see him swing,

For his badness. Sil. 'Tis no such thing. Dam. Must Pan resign, to this fop, his em

ployment ? Asust I, to him, yield of Daphne the

enjoyment? Mys. Ne'er while a tongue I brandish,

Fop outlandish,

Daphne shall blandish.
Dam. Will you reject my income,

Herds and clinkum?
Sil. Rot and sink 'em.
Dam. Midas must judge.
Mys. And Pol must fly.
Sil. Zounds, Pol shan't budge!
Mys. You lie?
Dam. You lie!

lie! Sil. Nysa. Pan's drone is fit for wild rocks and

bleak mountains; Daph. Pol's lyre suits best our cool grots und

clear fountains. Nysa. Pol is



Daph. Light and airy,
Sil. As a fairy.
Nysa. Pan is old and musty:
Daph. Stiff and fusty;
Sil. Sour and crusty.
Daph. Can you bunish Pol?
Nysa. No, no, no, no!

Let Pan fall.
Daph. Ay, let him go.
Daph. Ay, let him go.

O tremendous, fc.

Mid. So, you allow it, then ! ye mobbish rab-.


Enter Pol and Pan sederally. Oli, here comes Pol and Pan; now stint your

gabble. Fetch my great chair! I'll quickly, end this


You lie, you


Now I'm seated,
I'll be treated

Like the sophi on his throne;

my presence, Scoundrel peasants,

Shall not call their souls their own.
My behcst is,
He who best is,

Shall be fixed musician chief :
Ne'er the loser,
Shall shew nose here,

But be transporied like a thief.



O tremendous, &c.

· Midas comes forward, enraged, attended by a

crowd of Nymphs and Swains. Mid. Peace, ho! is hell broke loose? what

means this jawing? Under my very nose this clapper clawing!

Dam. Masters, will you abide by this condi

tion? Pan. I ask no better. Pol. I am all submission.


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Pan. Strike up sweet sir.

Pol. Sir, I attend your leisure.
Mid. Pan, take the lead.

Pan shall remain;
Pan. Since 'tis your worship’s pleasure.

Pol quit the plain.


O tremendous, 8c.
A por

of your pother about this or that ; Your shrieking, or squeaking, a sharp or a Mid. All bow with me to mighty Pasflat :

throne hinI'm sharp by my bumpers, you're flat, master No pouting, -and with festal chorus crown Pol;

bimSo, here goes a set to at toll-de-roll-loll !

[The Crowd form two Ranks beside the Chair,

and join in the Chorus, whilst Midas croans When Beauty her pack of poor lovers would

him with Bays.
And after Miss Will o' the Whisp the fools

scamper ;
Ding dong, sing song, they the lady ertol :
Pray what's all this fuss for, but -toll-de-

Sce, triumphant, sits the bard,

Crowned with bays, his due reaard; roll-loll!

Eriled, Pol shall wander far;

Exiled, twang his faint guitar ; Mankind are a medley--a chance medley

While, with echoing shouts of praise,

We the bagpipe's glory raise. All start in full cry, to give Dame Fortune

chace : There's catch as catch can, hit or miss, luck is

Mid. 'Tis well. What keeps you here, you all;

ragamuffin ? And luck's the best tune of life's toll-de-roll- Go trudge—or do you wait for a good ouffing? loll!

Pol. Now, all attend. [Throws off his Disguise,

and appears as Apollo.]-The wrath of I've done, please your worship, 'tis rather too Jove, for rapine, long ;

Corruption, lust, pride, fraud, there's no escapI only meant life is but an old song.

ing, The world's bui a tragedy, comedy, droll,

Tremble, thou wretch ! thou'st stretched thy ulWhere all act the scene of toll-de-roll-loll!

most tether;

Thou and thy tools shall go to pot together, Mid. By jingo! well performed for one of his

AIR. age; How, hang dog! don't you blush to shew your

Dunce, I did but sham, visage?

For Apollo I am,
Pol. Why, master Midas, for that matter,
'Tis enough to dash one,

God of Music, and King of Parnass ;
To hear the arbitrator,

Thy scurvy decree,
In such unseemly fashion,

For Pan against ine,
One of the candidates bespatter,

I reward with the ears of an ass.
With so much partial passion.
[Minas falls asleep.

Mid. Detected, baulked, and small,

On our marrow-bones we fall.


Be merciful!

Be pitiful!
Ah, happy hours, how fleeting

Mid. Forgive us, mighty Sol. Alas, alas!
Ye danced on down away;
When my soft vows repeating,

At Daphne's feet I lay!

Apollo. Thou a Billingsgate quean, [To Mrs. But from her charms when sundered,

Thou a pander obscene,

To DAN. Aš Midas' frowns presage;

H'ith strumpets and bailifs shell class; Each hour will seem an hundred;

Thou, driven from man, Each day appear an age.

Shalt wunder with Pan,

He a stinking old goat, thou an ass, ar Mid. Silence! this just decree, all, at your

ass, &c. peril, Obedient hear-else I shall use you very ill.


[To MID.

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