lose the letter! I should not even know his as he saw her, he poured out a little drop of name if I were to hear it. something down her throat--he had no sooner done it, than she got out of her bed, and walked about the room as if there had been

Dor. Can I find no invention to be revenged-Heyday! who are these? James. Hark ye, mistress, do you know where where where doctor-What-d'ye

call him lives?

Dor. Doctor who?

James. Doctor-doctorwhat's his name?

Dor. Hey! what, has the fellow a mind to banter me?

Har. Is there no physician hereabouts famous for curing dumbness?

Dor. I fancy you have no need of such a physician, Mr. Impertinence.

Har. Don't mistake us, good woman, we don't mean to banter you: we are sent by our master, whose daughter has lost her speech, for a certain physician who lives hereabouts: we have lost our direction, and 'tis as much as our lives are worth to return without him.

Dor. There is one Dr. Lazy lives just by, but he has left off practising. You would not get him a mile to save the lives of a thousand patients.

James. Direct us but to him; we'll bring him with us one way or other, I warrant you. Har. Ay, ay, we'll have him with us, though we carry him on our backs.

Dor. Ha! Heaven has inspired me with one of the most admirable inventions to be revenged on my hangdog!-[Aside.]—I assure you, if you can get him with you, he'll do your young lady's business for her; he's reckoned one of the best physicians in the world, especially for dumb

Dess.

Har. Pray tell us where he lives?

Dor. You'll never be able to get him out of his own house; but if you watch hereabouts, you'll certainly meet with him, for he very often amuses himself here with cutting wood.

Har. A physician cut wood! James. I suppose he amuses himself in searching after herbs, you mean?

Dor. No; he's one of the most extraordinary men in the world: he goes drest like a common clown; for there is nothing he so much dreads as to be known for a physician.

James. All your great men have some strange oddities about them.

nothing the matter with her.

Both. O, prodigious!

Dor. 'Tis not above three weeks ago, that a child of twelve years old fell from the top of a house to the bottom, and broke its skull, its arms and legs. Our physician was no sooner drubbed into making him a visit, than, having rubbed the child all over with a certain ointment, it got upon its legs, and run away to play.

Both. Oh most wonderful!

Hur. Hey! Gad, James, we'll drub him out of a pot of this ointment.

James. But can he cure dumbness?

Dor. Dumbness! Why the curate of our parish's wife was born dumb; and the doctor, with a sort of wash, washed her tongue, that he set it a-going so, that in less than a month's time she out-talked her husband.

Har. This must be the very man we were sent after.

Dor. Yonder is the very man I speak of.
James. What! that he yonder?

Dor. The very same.- -He has spied us, and taken up his bill.

James. Come, Harry, don't let us lose one moment-Mistress, your servant; we give you ten thousand thanks for this favour.

Dor. Be sure you make good use of your

sticks.

James. He shan't want that.

[Exeunt.

Gre. Ay, like enough

James. Tis in your power, sir, to do us a very great favour-We come, sir, to implore your

Dor. Why, he will suffer himself to be beat before he will own himself to be a physician-assistance in a certain affair. and I'll give you my word, you'll never make him own himself one, unless you both take a good cudgel and thrash him into it; 'tis what we are all forced to do when we have any need of him.

Gre. Ifit be in my power to give you any assistance, masters, I am very ready to do it.

James. What a ridiculous whim is here. Dor. Very true; and in so great a man. James. And is he so very skilful a man? Dor. Skilful-why he does miracles. About half a year ago, a woman was given over by all her physicians, nay, she had been dead some when this great man came to her, as soon

time;

James. Sir, you are extremely obliging-But, dear sir, let me beg you to be covered; the sun will hurt your complexion.

Har. For Heaven's sake, sir be covered. Gre. These should be footmen by their dress, but courtiers by their ceremony.

[Aside.

James. You must not think it strange, sir, that we come thus to seek after you; men of your capacity will be sought after by the whole world.

ACT II.

Sir Jas. Ha, ha!--I am a knight, thank the king's grace for it, but no doctor.

Gre. What, you're no doctor?
Sir Jas. No, upon my word!
Gre. You're no doctor?
Sir Jas. Doctor! No.

Gre. There-'tis done.

[Beats him.

Sir Jas. Done, in the devil's name! What's done?

Gre. Why, now you are made a doctor of physic-I am sure 'tis all the degrees I ever took.

Sir Jas. What devil of a fellow have you brought here?

James. I told you, sir, the doctor had strange whims with him.

Sir Jas. Whims, quotha !-Egad, I shall bind his physicianship over to his good behaviour, if he has any more of these whims.

Gre. Sir, I ask pardon for the liberty I have

taken.

Gre. I am sorry for those blows

Sir Jas. Nothing at all, nothing at all, sir. Gre. Which I was obliged to have the honour of laying on so thick upon you.

Sir Jus. Let's talk no more of them, sirMy daughter, doctor, is fallen into a very strange distemper.

Gre. Sir, I am overjoyed to hear it; and I wish, with all my heart, you and your whole family had the same occasion for me as your daughter, to shew the great desire I have to

serve you.

Sir Jas. Sir, I am obliged to you. Gre, I assure you, sir, I speak from the very bottom of my soul.

9

Gre. Hum! I had rather she should have been christened Charlotte. Charlotte is a very good name for a patient; and, let me tell you, the name is often of as much service to the patient, as the physician is.

Sir Jas. I do believe you, sir, from the very bottom of mine.

Gre. What is your daughter's name?
Sir Jas. My daughter's name is Charlotte.
Gre. Are you sure she was christened Char-

lotte?

Sir Jas. No, sir; she was christened Charbotta.

Sir Jas. Sir, my daughter is here.

Enter CHARLOTTE and Maid.

Gre. Is that my patient? Upon my word she carries no distemper in her countenance-and I fancy a healthy young fellow would sit very well upon her.

Sir Jas. You make her smile, doctor.

Gre. So much the better; 'tis a very good sign when we can bring a patient to smile; it is a sign that the distemper begins to clarify, as we say. Well, child, what's the matter with you? What's your distemper?

Char. Han, hi, hon, ban.
Gre. What do you say?
Char. Han, hi, hau, hon.
Gre. What, what, what?-
Char. Han, hi, hon-

-I don't un

Gre. Han! hon! honin! ha?derstand a word she says. Han! hi! hon! What the devil of a language is this?

Sir Jas. Why, that's her distemper, sir. She's become dumb, and no one can assign the cause and this distemper, sir, has kept back her marriage.

Gre. Kept back her marriage! Why so? Sir Jas. Because her lover refuses to have her, till she's cured.

Gre. O lud! Was ever such a fool, that would not have his wife dumb?-Would to Heaven my wife was dumb, I'd be far from desiring to cure her!-Does this distemper, this Han, hi, hon, oppress her much? very Sir Jas. Yes, sir. Gre. So much the better. Has she any great pains?

Sir Jas. Very great.

Gre. That's just as I would have it. Give me your hand, child. Hum-ha-a very dumb pulse indeed.

Sir Jas. You have guessed her distemper.

Gre. Ay, sir, we great physicians know a distemper immediately: I know some of the college would call this the boree, or the coupee, or the sinkee, or twenty other distempers; but I give you my word, sir, your daughter is nothing more than dumb- So I'd have you be very easy, for there is nothing else the matter with her-If she were not dumb, she would be as well as I am.

Sir Jas. But I should be glad to know, doctor, from whence her dumbness proceeds?

Gre. Nothing so easily accounted for.Her dumbness proceeds from her having lost her speech?

Sir Jas. But whence, if you please, proceeds her having lost her speech?

Gre. All the best authors will tell you, it is the impediment of the action of the tongue.

Sir Jas. But if you please, dear sir, your sentiments upon that impediment?

Gre. Aristotle has, upon that subject, said very fine things; very fine things.

Sir Jas. I believe, it, doctor.

Gre. Ah! he was a great man; he was indeed a very great man- -A man, who, upon that subject, was a man that--But, to return to our reasoning: I hold, that this impediment of the action of the tongue is caused by certain hnmours, which our great physicians call Humours-Humours-Ah! you understand

Latin

Sir Jas. Not in the least.

Gre. What not understand Latin?
Sir Jas. No, indeed, doctor.

Gre. Cubricius arci thurum cathalimus, singulariter nom. Hæc musa; hic, hæc, hoc, genitivo hujus, hunc, hanc musæ. Bonus, bona, bonum. Estne oratio Latinus? Etiam. Quia substantivo et adjectivum concordat in generi numerum et casus, sic dicunt, aiunt, prædicant, clamitant, et similibus

cause her to drink one quart of spring-water mixed with one pint of brandy, six Seville oranges, and three ounces of the best double refined sugar.

Sir Jas. Why, this is punch, doctor?

Gre. Punch, sir! ay, sir: and what's better than punch to make people talk? Never tell me of your julaps, your gruels, your-your-this, and that, and t'other, which are only arts to keep a patient in hand a long time--I love to do a business all at once.

Sir Jas. Doctor, I ask pardon; you shall be obeyed. [Gives money. Gre. I'll return in the evening, and see what effect it has on her. But hold; there's another young lady, here, that I must apply some little remedies to.

Maid. Who me? I was never better in my life, I thank you, sir.

Gre. So much the worse, madam; so much the worse: 'tis very dangerous to be very well; for when one is very well, one has nothing else to do but to take physic and bleed away.

Sir Jas. Oh, strange! What, bleed when one has no distemper?

Sir Jas. Ah! why did I neglect my studies? Har. What a prodigious man is this! Gre. Besides, sir, certain spirits passing from the left side, which is the seat of the liver, to Gre. It may be strange, perhaps, but 'tis very the right, which is the seat of the heart, we find wholesome. Besides, madam, it is not your the lungs, which we call in Latin, whiskerus, case, at present, to be very well: at least having communication with the brain, which you cannot possibly be well above three we name in Greek, jacbootos, by means of a days longer; and it is always best to cure a hollow vein, which we call in Hebrew, per-distemper before you have it-or, as we say in riwiggus, meet in the road with the said Greek, distemprum bestum est curare ante bas spirits, which fill the ventricles of the omota- bestum. What I shall prescribe you, at preplasmus; and because the said humours have sent, is to take every six hours one of these bo-you comprehend me well, sir? and because lusses. the said humours have a certain maliguitylisten seriously, I beg you.

Sir Jas. I do.

Maid. Ha, ha, ba! Why, doctor, these look exactly like lumps of loaf-sugar.

Gre. Take one of these bolusses, I say, every

Gre. Have a certain malignity that is caused six hours, washing it down with six spoonfuls of -be attentive, if you please.

Sir Jas. I am.

Gre. That is caused, I say, by the acrimony of the humours engendered in the concavity of the diaphragm; thence it arrives, that these vapours, Propria quæ maribus tribuuntur, mascula, dicas, ut sunt divorum, Mars, Bacchus, Apollo, virorum. This sir, is the cause of your daughter's being dumb,

James. O that I had but his tongue!

Sir Jas. It is impossible to reason better, no doubt. But, dear sir, there is one thing-I always thought, till now, that the heart was on the left side, and the liver on the right.

Gre. Ay, sir, so they were formerly; but we have changed all that. The college at present, sir, proceeds upon an entire new method.

Sir Jas. I ask your pardon, sir.

Gre. Oh, sir! there's no harm▬▬▬you're not obliged to know as much as we do.

Sir Jus. Very true; but, doctor, what would you have done with my daughter?

Gre. What would I have done with her? why, my advice is, that you immediately put her into a bed warmed with a brass warming-pan:

the best Holland's geneva.

Sir Jas. Sure you are in jest, doctor; This wench does not shew any symptom of a distemper.

Gre. Sir Jasper, let me tell you, it were not amiss if you yourself took a little lenitive physic; I shall prepare something for you.

Sir Jas. Ha, ha, ha! No, no, doctor! I have escaped both doctors and distempers hitherto, and I am resolved the distemper shall pay me the first visit.

Gre. Say you so, sir? Why, then, if I can get no more patients here, I must even seek them elsewhere; and so humbly beggo te domine domitii veniam groundi foras.

[Exit GREGORY. Sir Jas. Well, this is a physician of vast capacity, but of exceeding odd humours.

SCENE II.-The street.

LEANDER solus.

[Exeunt.

Lean. Ah, Charlotte! thou hast no reason to apprehend my ignorance of what thou endurest,

Gre. I shall show you, sir, that I'm not such Davy. Yes, an't please your worship. a sort of a person: and that you are an insolent Gre. Well, I have made a shift to compresaucy [LEANDER gives a purse.]—I'm not hend your meaning at last: you have the stran speaking to you, sir; but there are certain im-gest way of describing a distemper. You say pertinent fellows in the world, that take people for what they are not- -which always puts me, sir, into such a passion, that