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penters say, that unless there is some business will never be ready, unless I go and look after put in here before the drop, they shan't bave them myself. time to clear away the fort, or sink Gravesend Sneer. O dear, sir, these little things will hapand the river.

penPuff. So! this is a pretty dilemnia truly! Puff. To cut out this scene !but I'll Gentlemen, you must excuse me; these fellows print it egad, I'll print it every word ! (Exeunt.




Puff. Ő


SCENE I. Before the Curtain.

Enter Justice's Lady.

Puff. Now pray mark this scene.
Enter Puff, Sneer, and DANGLE. Lady. Forgive this interruption, good my

love ;
Puff. Well, now we are ready : now then for But as I just now past a pris’ner youth,
the justices.

Whom rude hands hither' lead, strange bodings

seized Curtain rises; Justices, Constables, &c. dis

My fluttering heart, and to myself I said, covered.

And if our Tom had lived, he'd surely been Sneer. This, I suppose, is a sort of senate

This stripling's height !

Jus. Ha! sure some powerful sympathy diPuff, To be sure; there has not been one yet.

Us both Dun. It is the under plot, isn't it?

Puff. Yes.-What, gentlemen, do you mean to go at once to the discovery scene?

Enter Son and Constable. Jus. If you please, sir.

What is thy name? very well-Harkye, I don't choose

Son. My name's Tom Jenkins-alias have I to say any thing more, but i'faith, they have mangled iny play in a most shocking manner. Dan. It's a great pity !

Though orphan’d, and without a friend !

Jus. Thy parents? Puff. Now then, Mr. Justice, if you please.

Son. My father dwelt in Rochester-and was, “ Jus. Are all the volunteers without?

As I have heard—a fishmonger—no more." Const. They are.

Puff: What, sir, do you leave out the account Some ten in fetters, and some twenty drunk.

of your birth, parentage and education? Jus. Attends the youth, whose inost oppro

Son. They have settled it so, sir, here. brious fame,

Puff. 06! oh! And clear convicted crimes, have stampt him

Ludy. How loudly nature whispers to my soldier?

heart ! Const. He waits your pleasure ; eager to re- Had he no other name? рау

Son. I've seen a bill The blest reprieve that sends him to the fields

Of his, sigu'd Tomkins, creditor. Of glory, there to raise his branded band

Jus. This does indeed confirma each circunIn honour's cause. Jus. 'Tis well -'tis justice arms him!

The gypsy told !-- Prepare ! 0! may be now defend his country's laws

Son. I do. With half the spirit he has broke them all!

Jus. No orphan, nor without a friend art It'tis your worships' pleasure bid him enter.

thou : Const. I fly, the herald of your will."

I am thy father, here's thy mother, there [Exit Constable.

Thy uncle—this thy first cousin, and those Puff. Quick, sir !

Are all your near relations ! Sneer. But, Mr. Puff, I think not only the

Mother. O ecstasy of bliss ! justice but the clown, seems to talk in as high

Son. () most onlook'd for happiness! a style as the first hero among them.

Jus. () wonderful event!" Puff. Ileaven forbid they should not in a

[They faint alternately in each others arms. free country! Sir, I am not for making slavish distinctions, and giving all the fine language to will out.


. There, you see relationship like murder the upper sort of people.

Jus. Now let's revive-eise were this joy Dan. That's very noble in you, indeed.

too much! But come-and we'll unfold the rest within;


And thou, my boy, must needs want rest and his situation, with the whole affairs of the nafood.

tion on bis head, should have time to talk ;Hence may cach orphan hope, as chance directs, but hush ! or you'll put him out. To find a father where he least expects !" Sneer. Put him out! how the plague can that

(Exeunt. be, if he's not going to say any thing? Puff. What do you think of that?

Puff. There is a reason! why, his part is to Dan. One of the finest discovery scenes I think, and how the plague ! do you imagine he ever saw. Why, this under plot would have can think if you keep talking? made a tragedy itself.

Dan. That's very true, upon my word! Sneer. Ay, or a comedy either.

[BURLEIGH comes forward, shakes his head Puff. And keeps quite clear you see of the and erit. other.

Sneer. He is very perfect indeed.--Now pray

what did he mean by that? Enter Scenemen taking away the Seats.

Puff. You don't take it? Puff. The scene remains, does it?

Sneer. No, I don't, upon my soul. Scene. Yes, sir.

Puff. Why, by that shake of the head, he Puff. You are to leave one chair, you know, gave you to understand, that even though they But it is always awkward in a tragedy, to have had more justice in their cause, and wisdom in you fellows coming in in your playhouse liveries their measures ; yet if their was not a greater to remove things I wish that could be managed spirit shewn on the part of the people, the counbetter. So now for my mysterious yeoman. try would at last fall a sacrifice to the hostile am

bition of the Spanish monarchy. Enter a Beefeater.

Sneer. The devil !_Did he mean all that by Beef. Perdition catch my soul but I do shaking his head. love thee."

Puff. Every word of it-if he shook his head Sncer. Haven't I heard that line before? as I taught him. Puff. No, I fancy not-Where pray ?

Dan. Ah! there certainly is a deal to be Dun. Yes, I think there is something like it in done on the stage by dumb show, and expression Othello.

of face, and a judicious author knows how much Puff. Gad ! now you put me in mind on't he may trust to it. I believe there is; but that's of no consequence

Sneer. O, here are some of our old acquain. —all that can be said is, that two people hap- tance. pened to hit on the same thought-and Shakspeare made use of it first, that's all.

Enter Hatton and RALEIGH. Sneer. Very true.

Puff. Now, sir, your soliloquy—but speak “Sir C. My neice, and your neice too ! more to the pit, if you please-ihe soliloquy al- By heav'n! there's witchcraft in'.--He could ways to the pit, that's a rule.

not else Beef. Though hopeless love finds comfort Have gain’d their hearts—But see where they in despair,

approach ; It never can endure a rival's bliss !

Some horrid purpose low'ring on their brows! But soft- I am observed." [ Exit Beefeater.

Sir W. Let us withdraw and mark them.” Dan. That's a very short soliloquy.

[They withdraw. Puff. Yes ; but it would have been a great

Sneer. What is all this? deal longer it he had not been observed.

Putf. Ah! here has been more pruning ! Sneer. A most sentimental Beefeater that, but the fact is, these two young ladies are also Mr. Puff.

in love with Don Whiskerandos.--Now, genPuff. Hearkye, I would not have you be too tlemen, this scene goes entirely for what we call sure that he is a Beefeater.

situation and stage effect, by which the greatest Sneer. What, a hero in disguise ?

applause may be obtained, without the assiste Puff. No matter-I only give you a hint. ance of language, sentiment, or character: pray But now for my principal character-Here he mark! comes-Lord 'Burleigh in person! Pray gen

Enter the two Neices. tlemen, step this way-softly-I only hope the Lord High Treasurer is perfect--if he is

« 1st Neice. Ellena here ! but perfect !

She is his scorn as much as I; that is

Some comfort still !" Enter Burleign, goes slowly to a chair and

Putt. O dear madam, you are not to say that sits.

to her face !-Aside, ma'am, aside. The whole Sneer. Mr. Puff.

scene is to be aside. Puff. Husb! vastly well, sir! vastly well! a

« 1st Neice. She is his scoru as much as I; most interesting gravity!

that is Dan. What, isn't he to speak at all ?

Some comfort still!

Aside. Puff. Egad, I thought you'd ask me that; 2d Neice. I know he prizes not Pollina's love, yes, it is a very likely thing, that a minister ip But Tilburina lords it o'er his heart. [Aside.

2 T


to let


1st Neice. But see the proud destroyer of my “ Whisk. I thank thee, Fortune! that hast thus peace.

bestow'd Revenge is all the good I've left. [Aside. A weapon to chastise this insolent. 2d Neice. He comes, the false disturber of my

[Takes up one of the Swords. quiet.

Beef. I take thy challenge, Spaniard, and ow vengeance, do thy worst. Aside. I thank

Thee, Fortune, too !"

[Takes up the other suord. Whisk. O hateful liberty, if thus in vain Dun. That's excellently contrived !--it seeins I seek my Tilburina !

as if the two uncles had left their swords on Both Neices. And ever shalt !

purpose for them.

Puff. No, egad, they could not help leaving Sie CHRISTOPER and Sir Walter coine for them. ward.

Whisk. Vengeance, and Tilburina. Both. Hold ! we will avenge you.

Beef. Exactly so. Whisk. Hold you, or see your neices bleed.” [They fight, and after the usual number of [The two Neices druw their two daggers to wounds giren, WHISKERAN DOS falls.

strike WHISKERANDOS; the two uncles, at Whisk. O cursed parry !--that last thrust in the instant, with their two swords drawn,

tierce catch their two Neices' Arms, and turn the Was fatal-Captain thou hast fenced well! points of their swords to Whiskerandos, And Whiskerandos quits this bustling scene who immediately draws two daggers, and For all eterholds them to the two Neices' bosumns.

Beef:-nity-He would have added, but stern Puff. There's situation for you! there's an

death heroic group!- You see the ladies can't stab Cut short his being, and the noun at once!" Whiskerandos—he durst not strike them for Puff.0, my dear sir, you are too slow - Now fear of their uncles—the uncles durst not kill mind me.-Sir, shall I trouble you to die again! him, because of their neices : [ have them all Whisk. And Whiskerandos quits this bustling at a dead lock !—for every one of them is afraid go first.

For all eter
Sncer. Why, then, they must stand there for Beef. –nity—IIe would have added"-

Pulj. No, sir—that's nut it-once more, if Puff. So they would, if I hadn't a very fine you please. contrivanee for't. Now mind

Whisk. I wish, sir, you would practise this

without me: I can't stay dying bere all night.” Enter Beefeater with his Hulberd.

Puff. Very well, we'll go over it by and by. Beef. In the queen's naine I charge you all -I must humour these gentlemen. to drop

(Erit WHISKERANDOS. Your swords and daggers !"

Beef. Farewell - brave Spaniard ! and [They drop their swords and dagsers.

when next”Sneer. That is a contrivance indeed.

Puff. Dear sir, you needn't speak that speech Puff. Aye--in the queen's name.

as the body has walked off. “ Sir C, Come, neice !

Beef. That's true, sır—then I'll join the fleet." Sir W. Come, neice.

Pulj: If you please. Exit Betfialer. [Ereunt with the two Neices. Now who comes on? Whisk. What's he, who bids us thus renounce our guard ?

Enter Governor with his air properly dis

ordered. Beef. Thou must do more-renounce thy lore!

Goo. A hemisphere of evil planets reiyn! Whisk. Thou liest-base Beefeater!

And every planet sheds contagious phrenzy! Beef. Ha! Hell! the lie !

My Spanish prisoner is slain ! my daughter, By heaven thou'st rous'd the lion in my heart! Meeting the dead corse borne along, has gone Off yeoman's habit !-base disguise ! oil! off! Distract ! [d loud flourish of Trumpets. [Discovers himself by throwing ofthis upper But, hark ! I am summoned to the fort,

dress, and appearing in very fine wuist- Perhaps the fleets have met ! amazing crisis! cout.

0 Tilburina! from thy aged father's beard Am I a Beefeater now?

Thou'st pluck'd the few brown bairs which time Or beams my crest as terrible as when,

had left !"

[Erit Governor. In Biscar's by I took thy captive sloop." Sneer. Poor gentleman !

Puff. There, egad ! he comes out to be the Putt: Yes; and no one to blame but his very captain of the privateer who had taken daughter! Whiskerandus prisoner; and was himself an old Dan. And the planets lover of Tilburina's.

Puff: True.-Now enter Tilburina! Dan. Admirably managed, indeed !

Snecr. Egad, the business comes on quick Puff ow, stand out of their way.


Puff. Yes, sir; now she comes in stark mad, / the Spanish Armada, otherwise, egad I have no in white satin.

occasion for the battle at all.-Now thien for my Sneer. Why in white satin ?

magnificence !--my battle !-my noise !-and Puff. O lord, sir, when a heroine goes mad, my procession !-You are all ready? she always goes into white satin-don't she, Prom. [Within.] Yes, sir. Dangle?

Puff: Is the Thames drest? Dan. Always—it's a rule.

Puff: Yes-here it is—[ Looking at the book.] Enter Thames, with two Attendants. * Enter Tilburina stark mad, in white satin, and her confidant stark mad, in white linen."

Thames. Here I am, sir.

Putt: Very well, indeed.-See, gentlemen, Enter TilburinA and Confidant mad, accord- there's a river for you!—This is blending a liting to costume.

tle of the masque with my tragedy—a new fancy, Sneer. But what the deuce, is the confidant you know, and very useful in my case ; for as to be mad too?

there must be a procession, I suppose Thames Puff. To be sure she is : the confidant is al- and all his tributary rivers to compliment Briways to do whatever her mistress does; weep

tannia with a fete in honour of the victory. when she weeps, smile when she smiles, go mad

Sneer. But pray, who are these gentlemen in when she goes mad.-Now, madam Confidant green with hin? -but keep your madness in the back ground, if

Puff. Those ?—those are bis banks.

Sneer. His banks? you please. « Til. The wind whistles-the moon rises,

Puff. Yes; one crown'd with alders, and the

other with a villa !-you take the allusions? but see, They have kill'd my squirrel in his cage!

hey! what the plague! you have got both your Is this a grasshopper?-Ha! no, it is my

banks on one side-Here, sir, come round- Ever Whiskerandos—you shall not keep him

while you live, Thames, go between your

banks. I know you have him in your pocket

[ Bell rings.]-There, soh! stand aside, my An oyster may be cross'd in love !-Who says

dear friends !--away, Thames ! A whale's a bird ?--!la! did you call, my

[Erit Thames between his banks, love?

[Flourish of Druins, Trumpets, Cannon, &c. Ile's here! He's there ! Ile's every where ! - &c. Scene changes to the Srathe Fleets Ale mne ! he's 110 where !" [Erit TILBURINA. engage--the music plays Brituns strike

Puff. There, did you ever desire to see any home."-Spunish tleet destroyed by fire body madder than that?

ships, 86:- English fleet adtunces- Music Sneer. Never while I live!

plays Rule Britannia.The procession Puff. You observed how she mangled the of all the English Rivers and their Tribumetre?

tarics, with their Emblems, &c. begins with Dan. Yes ;-egad, it was the first thing made Handel's Water Plusic, ends withu Chorus me suspect she was out of her senses.

to the March in Judus Afaccubaus.-DurSneer. And pray what becoines of her?

ing this scene, Puff directs and appluuds, Putf. She is gone to throw herself into the

every thing-then sea to be sure ; and that brings us at once lo Puff: Well, firetty well—but not quite perthe scene of action, and so to my catastrophe- fect-so, ladies and gentlemen, if you please, my sea-fight I mean.

we'll rehearse this piece again to-morrow. Sneer. What, you bring that in at last ?

[Ercunt, Puff. Yes-yes--you know my play is called

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