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I thank Heaven and my own prudence; but I What need he trust your words precise, know what he would do.
Your soft desires denying ; Let. He would do nothing but what becomes When, Oh ! he reads within your eyes a gentleman, I am confident.
Your tender heart complying. Mrs. High. Oh! I dare swear, madam. Se
Your tongue may cheat, ducing a young lady is acting like a very fine
And with deceit gentleman; but I shall keep my niece out of the
Your softer wishes cover; hands of such fine gentlemen.
But, Oh! your eyes Let. You wrong my master, madam, cruelly;
Know no disguise, I know his designs on your niece are honourable.
Nor cuer cheat
loder. Mrs. High. Hussy, I have another match for
Enter VALENTINE. her: she shall marry Mr. Oldcastle. Let. Oh! then, I find it is you that have a
Val. My dearest Charlotte ! this is meeting dishonourable design on your niece!
my wishes indeed ! for I was coming to wait on Mrs. High. How, sauciness!
you. Let. Yes, madam; marrying a young lady, Let. It's very lucky that you do meet her who is in love with a young fellow, to an old here! for her house is forbidden ground-you one, whom she hates, is the surest way to bring bave seen your last of that, Mrs. Highman swears. about I know what, that can possibly be taken.
Val. Ha! not go where my dear Charlotte is? Mrs. High. I can bear this no longer. I would What danger could deter me? advise you, madam, and your master both, to Char. Nay, the danger is to be mine--I am to keep from my house, or I shall take measures be turned out of doors, if ever you are seen in you won't like.
[Erit. them again. Let. I defy you! We have the strongest party; Val. The apprehensions of your danger would, and I warrant we'll get the better of you. But indeed, put it to the severest proof : but why here comes the young lady herself.
will my dearest Charlotte continue in the house
of one who threatens to turn her out of it? Why Enter CHARLOTTE.
will she not know another home; one where she Char. So, Mrs. Lettice!
would find a protector from every kind of danLet. 'Tis pity you had not come a little sooner, ger? madam: your good atnt is but just gone, and Char. How can you pretend to love me, Vahas left positive orders, that you should make lentine, and ask me that in our present despemore frequent visits at our house.
rate circumstances? Char. Indeed!
Let. Nay, nay, don't accuse him wrongfully: Let. Yes, ma'am; for she has forbid my ma I won't, indeed, insist, that he gives you any great ster ever visiting at yours, and I know it will be instance of his prudence by it; but, I'll swear it impossible for you to live without seeing him. is a very strong one of his love, and such an in
Char. I assure you! Do you think me so ford, stance, as, when a man has once shewn, no wothen?
man of any honesty, or honour. orgratitude.can Let. Do I! I know you are: you love nothing refuse him any longer. For my part, if I had else, think of nothing else all day; and, if you ever found a lover who had not wicked, mercewill confess the truth, I dare lay a wager, that nary views upon my fortune, I should have maryou dream of nothing else all night.
ried him, whatever he had been. Char. Then to shew you madam, how well Char. Thy fortune! you know me, the deuce take me if you are not
Let. My fortune!-Yes, madam, my fortune. in the right!
I was worth fifty-six pounds before I put into Let. Ah! madam, to a woman practised in the lottery: what it will be now I can't tell ; but love, like me, there is no occasion for confession. you know somebody must get the great prize, For my part, I don't want words to assure me of and why not I? what the eyes tell me. Oh! if the lovers would Val. Oh, Charlotte! would you had the same but consult the eyes of their mistresses, weshould sentiments with me! for, by Ileavens ! I apprepot have such sighing, languishing, and despair- hend nu danger but that of losing you; and, being, as we have
lieve me, love will sufficiently reward us for all
the hazards we run on his account. SONG.
Let. llist, hist! get you both about your buWould lovers ever doubt their ears,
siness, Oldcastle is just turned the corner, and (On Delia's vous relying)
if he should see you together, you are undone. The youth would often quit his fears,
[Ereunt Valentine and CHARLOTTE.] Now will and change to smiles his sighing.
I banter this old coxcomb severely; for, I think Your tongue may eheut.
it is a most inpertinent thing in these old fellows And with deceit
to interpose in young people's sport.
011. Hem, hem! I profess it is a very severe Nor ever cheat your loter.
easterly wind, and if it was not to see a sweet.
heart, I believe I should scarce have stirred | you see I think you fit for a husband, I'll have abroad all day
you myself !—Who can be more proper for a Let. Mr. Oldcastle, your very humble servant. husband, than a man of your age? 'for, I think,
Old. Your very humble servant, madam : 1 you could not have the conscience, nay, the imask your pardon; but I profess I have not the pudence, to live above a year, or a year and half, honour of knowing you.
at most: and a good plentiful jointure would Let. Men of your figure, sir, are known by make amends for one's enduring you as long as more than they are themselves able to rememn- that, provided we live in separate parts of the ber; I am a poor handinaid of a young lady of house, and one had a good handsome groom of your acquaintance, Miss Charlotte Highman. the chamber to attend one; though, really, in my
Old. Oh! your very humble servant, madam. opinion, you'd much better remain single, both I hope your lady is well?
for your character and constitution. [Erit LET. Ll. Hum! so, so: sbe sent me, sir, with a Öld. Get along, you damned saucy baggage ! small message to you.
I thought this cursed easterly wind would blow Old. I am the happiest man in the world! me no good.- I'm resolved I won't stir out again Let. To desire a particular favour of you.
till it changes.
Erit. Old. She honours me with her commands.
Iet. She begs, if you have the least affection SCENE II.- A room in Valentine's house. for ber, that she may never see your face again. Old. What! what!
Enter John, mecting VALENTINE. Let. She is a very well-bred, civil, good-natured
John. Sir, a gentleman desires to see you. lady, and does not care to send a rude message; Val, Shew him in.
[Erii Joun. therefore, only bids me tell you, she hates you, scoros you, detests you more than any creature
Enter Slap. upon the earth; that, it you are resolved to mar
Val. Your most obedient servant, sir; I have ry, she would recommend you to a certain ex
not the houour of knowing you, sir. cellent dry nurse; and lastly, she bids me tell
Slap. I believe you do not, sir; I ask pardon, you, in this cold weather, never to go to bed but I have a sinall writ against you. without a good warm treacle-posset; and by no
Val. A writ against me! means lie without, at least, a pair of flannel
Slup. Don't be untasy, sir; it is only for a waistcoats, and a double flannel night-cap.
trifle, sir; about 2001. Old. Hold your impertinent, saucy tongue ! Val. What must I do, sir?
Let. Nay, sir, don't be anyry with me, I only Slap. Oh, sir! whatever you please ! only pay deliver my message; and that, too, in as civil the money, or give bail ; which you please. and concise a manner as possible.
Val. I can do neither of them this instant, and Old. Your mistress is a pert young hussy; and I expect company every moment. I suppose, sir, I shall tell her aunt of her. Let. That will never do; 'tis I am your friend,
you'll take my word till to-morrow morning?
Slap. Oh, yes, sir, with all my heart. If you and if we can get over three little obstacles, I will be so good as to step to my house hard by, don't despair of marrying you to her, yet.
you shall be extremely well used, and I'll take Old. What are those obstacles?
Let. Why, sir, there is, in the first place, your Val. Your house! 'Sdeath! you rascal. great age; you are at least seventy-five!
Slap. Nay, sir, 'tis in vain to bully. Old. It is a lie! I want several months of it.
Val. Nay, then-Who's there?-my servants? Let. If you did not, I think we may get over this : one half of your fortune makes a very suf
Enter Servants. ficient amends for your age.
Here, kick this fellow down stairs. Old. We shall not fall out about that.
Slup. This is a rescue, remember that a res Let. Well, sir; then there is, in the second
I'll have my lord chief justice's warplace, your terrible, ungenteel air; this is a grand
[Slap is forced off by the Servants. obstacle with her, who is doatingly fond of every
[Erit VALENTINE. thing that is fine and foppish; and, yet, I think, we may get over this, too, by the other hall of
Enter RAKEIT and LETTICE. your fortune. And now, there remains but one, which, if you can find any thing to set aside, I Rake. You perceive, Mrs. Lettice, the strength believe I may
you, you shall have her; ofiny passion, by my frequent visits to you. I and that is, sir, that horrible face of yours, which saw Vidcastle part from you just now; pray, it is impossible for any one to see without being what has he been entertaining you with? frightened.
Let. With his passion for your young mistress, Old. Ye impudent baggage! I'll tell your mis- or rather her passion for him. I have been bantress !--I'll have you turned off!
tering him till he is in such a rage, that I actually Let. That will be well repaying me, indeed, doubt whether he will not beat her or no. for all the services I have done you.
Rake. Will you never leave off your frolics, Old. Services !
since we must pay for them? You have put him Let. Services! Yes, sir, services; and to let out of humour; and now will be go and put my
lady out of humour; and, then, we may be all'J a grand entertainment to your mistress, and beaten for aught I know.
about a dozen more gentlemen and ladies. Let. Well, sirrah! and do you think I had Rake. My chops begin to water. I find your not rather twenty such as you should be beaten master is a very honest fellow; and, it is possible, to death, than my master should be robbed of may hold out two or three weeks longer. his mistress?
Let You are mistaken, sir; there will be no Rake. Your humble servant, madam; you danger of his giving any more entertainments; need not take any great pains to convince me of for there is a certain gentleman, called an upyour foodness for your master. I believe he has hosterer, who, the moment that the company is more mistresses than wbat are in our house; gone, is to make his entrance into the house, and but, bang it, I ain too polite to be jealous. But, carry every thing out on't. my dear Lettice, I do not approve of this match Rake. Å very good way, faith, of furnishing a in our family.
house to receive a wife in! your master has set Let. Why so?
me a very good pattern against you and I marRake. Why, you know how desperate Valen- ry, Mrs. Lettice. tine's circumstances are, and she has no fortune. Let. Sauce-box! Do you think I'll have you?
Let. She bath, indeed, no fortune of her own; Rake. Unless I can provide better for myself. but her aunt Highman is very rich. And then, Let. Well, that I ain fond of thee, I am cer. you know,we've hopes enow! There are hopes oftain; and what I am fond of, I can't imagine, my young master's growing better, for I am sure unless it be thy invincible impudence. there is no possibility of his growing worse ; Rake. Why, faith, I think I have the impuhopes of my old master's staying abroad; hopes sence of a gentleman, and there is nothing better of his being drowned, if he attempts coming to succeed with the ladies.' horne ; hopes of the stars falling
Let. Yes, yes, and be hanged to you! You Rake. Dear Mrs. Lettice, do not jest with know the power you have over us too well; and, such serious things as hunger and thirst. Do though we are thoroughly acquainted with your you really think that all your master's entertain-falsehond, yet we are, nine in ten of us, fools inents are at an end?
enough to be caught, Let. So far from it, that he is this day to give
ACT II. SCENE I.--A square, with VALENTINE's house. | how hatla he behaved himself in my absence! I Enter Goodall and Servant,with a portinanteau.
hope he hath taken great care of my affairs?
Let. I'll answer for him; be bath put your afLETTICE comes out of the house.
fairs into a condition that will surprise you. Good. This cursed stage-coach from Ports Good. I warrant you, he is every day in the mouth hath fatigued me more than my voyage Alley. Stocks have gone just as I imagined ; fram the Cape of Good Hope; but, Ileaven be and if he followed my advice, he must have praised, I am once more arrived within sight of amassed a vast sum of money, my own dcors. I cannot help thinking how Let. Not a fathing, sir. pleased my son will be to see me returned a full Good. How, bow, how ! year sooner than my intention.
Let. Sir, he hath paid it out as fast as it came Læt. He would be much more pleased to hear in. you were at the Cape of Good Hope yet. [ Aside. Good. How !
Good. I hope I shall find my poor boy at Let. Put it out, I mean, sir, to interest, to inbome; I dare swear he will die with joy to see me. terest. Sir, why, our house hatlı been a perfect
let. I believe he is half dead already; but tair ever since you went; people coming for mohow for you, my good master.-[Aside. -Bless ney every hour of the day. me! What do I see ? An apparition !
Good. That's very well done; and I long to Good. Lættice!
see my dear boy.--[T, LETTICE.)-Knock at Let. Is it my dear master Goodall, returned, the door. or is it the devil in his shape? Is it you, sir? Is Lét. He is not at home, sir; and if you have it positively you yourself.
such a desire to see himGood. Even so. How do you do, Lettice?
Enter SECURITY. Let. Much at your honour's service. I am beartily glad-it really makes me cry—to see Sec. Your servant, Mrs. Lettice. your honour in such good health. Why, the air Let. Your servant, Mr. Security. Here's a of the Indies hath agreed vastly with you. In- rogue of a usurer, who hath found a proper time, deed, sir, you ought to have staid a little longer to ask for his money in!
1 Aside. there, for the sake of your health I would to Sec. Do you know, Mrs. Lettice, that I am the Lord you had !
(Aside, weary of following your master, day after day, Good. Well; but bow does my son do? And in this manner, without finding him; and that if
he does not pay me to-day, I shall sue out an | but how comes a woman in her circumstances execution direcily. A thousand pounds are a to sell her house?
Let. It is impossible, sir, to account for peoGood. What, what? what's this I hear? ple's actions; besides, poor dear, she is out of Let. I'll explain it to you by and by, sir?
her senses. Good. Does my son owe you a thousand Good. Out of her senses ! pounds?
Let. Yes, sir; her family hath taken out a Sec. Your son, sir !
commission of lunacy against lier; and her son, Good. Yes, sir'; this young woman's master, who is a most abandoned prodigal, has sold all who lives at that house; Mr. Valentine Goodall she had for half its value. is my son.
Good. Son! why she was not married when Sec. Yes, sir, he does; and I am very glad went away; she could not have a son. you are returned to pay it me.
Let. O) yes she could, sir--She's not married, Good. There yo two words, though, to that to be sure; but to the great surprise of every bargain.
one, and to the great scandal of all our sex, Let. I believe, sir, you will do it with a great there appeared all of a sudden a very lusty young deal of joy, when you know that his owing this fellow, of the age of three and twenty, whom money, is purely an effect of his good conduct. she owned to have been her son, and that his
Good. Good conduct! Owing money good father was a grenadier in the first regiment of conduct !
guards. Let. Yes, sir; he hath bought a house at the Good. Oh, monstrous ! price of two thousand pounds, which every one Let. Ah, sir, if every child in this city knew says is worth more than four; and this he could his own father, if children were to inherit only not have done without borrowing this thousand the estates of those who begot them, it would pound. I am sure, sir, I, and he, and Trusty, cause a great confusion in inheritances ! ran all over the town to get the money, that Good. Well, but I stand here talking too he might not lose so good a bargain. He'll pay long; knock at the door. the money fast enough, now, Aside. Let. What shall I do?
[ Aside. Good. I am overjoyed at my son's behaviour. Good. You seem in a consternation ; no ace Sir, you need give yourself to pain about the cident hath happened to my son, I hope. money; return to-morrow morning, and you Let. No, sir, batshall receive it.
Good. But! but what? Hath any one robbed Sec. Sir, your word is sufficient for a much me in my absence? greater sum; and I am your very humble ser Let. No, sir; not absolutely robbed you, sir. vant. [Exit Sec. What shall I
Aside. Good. Well, but tell me a little--in what Good. Explain yourself: speak. part of the town hath my son bought this house? Let. Oh, sir! I cant withhold my tears no Let. In what part of the town?
longer-Enter not I beseech you, sir, your Good. Yes; there are, you know, some quar- house--Sir, your dear house, that you and I, ters better than others -as, for example, this and my poor inaster loved so much, within these here
six monthsLet. Well, and it is in this that it stands. Good. What of my house within these six
Good. What, pot the great house, yonder, is months it?
Let. Hath been haunted, sir, with the most det. No, no, no. Do you see that house yon- terrible apparitions that were ever heard or beder--where the windows seem to have been just held ! you'd think the devil himself had taken cleaned?
possession of it: nay, I believe he hath too: all Good. Yes.
the wild noises in the universe, the squeaking Let. It is not that -and, a little beyond, you of pigs, the grinding of knives, the whetting of see another very large house, higher than any saws, the whistling of winds, the roaring of seas, other in the square ?
the hooting of owls, the howling of wolves, the Good, I do.
braying of asses, the squalling of children, and Let. But it is not that. Take particular 10- the scolding of wives, all put together, make not tice of the house opposite to it; a very land- so hideous a concert. This I myself have heard ; some house, is it not?
nay, and I have seen such sights! one with about Good. Yes; indeed it is.
twenty beads, and a hundred eyes, and mouth s Let. That is not the house. But you may and noses in each. see one with great gates before it, almost op Good. Heyday! the wench is mad! Stand posite to another that fronts a street; at the from before the door! I'll see whether the devil end of which stands the house which your son can keep me out from my own house. Haunted, hath bought.
indeed! Good. There is no good house in that street Let. Sir, I have a friendship for you, and you as I remeinber, but Mrs. Highman's.
shall not go in. Iet. That's the very house.
Good. How? not go into my own house? Good. That is a very good bargain, indeed ; Let. No, sir, not till the devil is driven on t
ent; there are two priests at work upon him Good. I must have patience, and trust in now. Hark, I think the devils are dancing a Heaven, and in the power of the priests, who Fandango. Nay, sir, you may listen yourself are now endeavouring to lay these wicked spirits, and get in too, if you can.
with which my house is haunted; but give me Good. Ha! by all that's gracious, I hear a leave to ask you the cause of your phrenzy; noise ! (Laughing within.] What monstrous forl much question whether this commission of squalling is that?
lunacy that has been taken out against you, be Let. Why, sir, I am surprised you should not without sufficient proof. think I would impose upon you: had you known Mrs. High. A commission of lunacy against the terrors we underwent for a whole fortnight, me! me! pecially poor I, sir, who lay every night fright Good. Lettice, I see she is worse than I ima
sed with the sight of the most monstrous gined. large things ! there I lay, as quiet as a lamb, Let. She is
very bad now indeed. fearing every minute what they would do tó Mrs. High. However, if you are not more me
mischievous than you at present seem, I think Good. Can all this be true, or are you in- it is wrong in them to contine you in a madposing on me? I bave indeed heard of such house. things as apparitions, on just causes, and be Good. Confine me! ha, ha, ha! This is turn: lieve in them; but why they should haunt my ing the tables upon me indeed! But, Mrs. house, I can't imagine.
Highman, I would not have you be upeasy that Let. Why, sir, they tell me, before you your house is sold : at least, it is better for
you boogbt the house, there was a pedlar killed that my son hath bought it than another; for in it.
you shall have an apartment in it still, in the Good. A pedlar! I must inquire into all same manner as if it was still your own, and you these things. But, in the mean time, I must were in your senses. send this portmanteau to my son's new house. Mrs. High. What's all this? As if I was still
Let. No, sir, that's a little improper at present. in my senses! Let me tell you Mr. Goodall, you
Good. What, is that house haunted? Hath are a poor distracted wretch, and ought to the devil taken possession of that house too? have an apartment in a dark room, and clean
Let. No, sir; but Madam. Highman hath not yet quitted possession of it. I told you before, Good. Since you come to that, madam, I sir, that she was out of her senses; and if any shall not let you into my doors; and I give one does but mention the sale of her house to you warning to take away your things, for I her, it throws her into the most violent convul- shall till all the rooms with goods within these sions.
few days, Good. Well, well: I shall know how to humour hier madness.
Enter Slap, Constable, and Assistants. Let. I wish, sir, for a day or two
Slap. That's the door, Mr. Constable. Good. You throw me out of all manner of pa Let. What's to be done now, I wonder? tience. I am resolved I will go thither this in Con. Open the door, in the king's nanie, or
I shall break it open. Let. Here she is herself; but pray remember Good. Who are you, sir, in the devil's name? the condition she is in, and don't do any thing and what do you want in that house? to chagrin her.
Slap. Sir, I have a prisoner there, and I have
lord chief justice's warrant against him. Enter Mrs. Highman.
Good. For what sum sir? Are you a justice Mrs. High. What do I sce! Mr. Goodall re- of the peace ? turned?
Slap. I am one of his majesty's officers, sir; Let. Yes, madam, it is him; but alas ! he's and this day I arrested one Mr. Valentine not himselfhe's distracted; his losses in his Goodall, who lives in this house, for two voyage have turned his brain, and he is become hundred pounds; his servants have rescued a downright lunatie.
him, and I have a judge's warrant for the Mrs. High. I am heartily concerned for his rescue. misfortune. Poor gentleman !
Good. What do I hear ! But bark'e, friend, Let. If he sbould speak to you by chance, that house that you are going to break open, is have no regard to what he says; we are going haunted; and there is no one in it but a couple to sbut him up in a madhouse with all expe- of priests, who are laying the devil.
Slap. I warrant you I lay the devil better Mo. 1
High. [-Aside.] He hath a strange wan- than all the priests in Europe. Come, Mr. Coodering in his countenance.
stabie, do your office, I have no time to lose, Good. (Aside.] How miserably she is altered! sir; I have several other writs to execute before She batb a terrible look with her eyes.
night. Mrs. High. Mr. Goodall, your very humble
Let. I have defended my pass as long as I Servant. I am glad to see you returned, though can, and now I think io is nu cowardice to steal I am sorry for your misfortune,