Enter COLONEL BLUFF, and LORD PUFF.

Col. What, in the devil's name, is the meaning of all this riot? What is the reason scoundrels, that you dare disturb gentlemen who are getting as drunk as lords?

Slap. Sir we have authority for what we do.

Col. Damn your authority, sir! if you don't go about your business, I shall shew you my authority, and send you all to the devil.

Slap. Sir, I desire you would give us leave to enter the house, and seize our prisoner.

Col. Not I, upon my honour, sir.

Slap. If you oppose us any longer, I shall pro

seed to force.

Col. If you love force, I'll shew you the way, you dogs? [Colonel drives them off Good. I find I am distracted; I am stark raving mad. I am undone, ruined, cheated, imposed on! but, please Heaven, I'll go see what's in my house.

Col. Hold, sir, you must not enter here! Good. Not enter into my own house, sir! Col. No, sir, if it be yours, you must not come within it.

Good. Gentlemen, I only beg to speak with the master of the house.

Col. Sir, the master of the house desires to speak with no such fellows as you are; you are not fit company for any of the gentlemen in this house.

Good. Sir, the master of this house is my son. Col. Sir, your most obedient humble servant; I am overjoyed to see you returned. Give me leave, sir, to introduce you to this gentleman.

Good. Sir, your most obedient humble servant. Col. Give me leave to tell you, sir, you have the honour of being father to one of the finest gentlemen of the age: a man so accomplished, so well-bred, and so generous, that I believe he never would part with a guest while he had a shilling in his pocket, nor, indeed, while he could borrow one.

Good. I believe it, indeed, sir; therefore, you can't wonder if I am impatient to see him.

Col. Be not in such haste, dear sir: I want to talk with you about your affairs; I hope you have had good success in the Indies, have cheated the company handsomely, and made an immense fortune?

Good. I have no reason to complain.

Col. I am glad on't-give me your hand, sir; and so will your son, I dare swear; and let me tell you, it will be very opportune; he began to want it. You can't imagine, sir, what a fine life he has led since you went away-it would do your heart good if you was but to know what an equipage he has kept; what balls and entertainments he has made; he is the talk of the whole town, sir; a man would work with pleasure for such a son; he is a fellow with a soul, damn me! Your fortune won't be thrown away upon him; for, get as much as you please, my life, he spends every farthing!

Good. Pray, gentlemen, let me see this miracle of a son of mine.

Col. That you should, sir, long ago; but, really, sir, the house is a little out of order, at present; there is but one room furnished in it, and that is so full of company, that I am afraid there would be a small deficiency of chairs. You can't imagine, sir, how opportune you are come; there was not any one thing left in the house to raise any money upon.

Good. What, all my pictures gone?

Col. He sold them first, sir; he was obliged to sell them for the delicacy of his taste: he certainly is the modestest young fellow in the world, and has complained to me a hundred times, drunk and sober

Good. Drunk, sir! what, does my son get drunk?

Col. Oh, yes, sir; regularly twice a day. He has complained of the indecent liberty painters take in exposing the breasts and limbs of women; you had, indeed, sir, a very scandalous collection, and he was never easy while they were in the house.

Enter VALENTINE.

Val. My father returned! oh, let me throw myself at his feet! and believe me, sir, I am at once overjoyed, and ashamed, to see your face.

Col. I told you, sir, he was one of the modestest young fellows in England.

Good. You may very well be ashamed; but come, let me see the inside of my house; let me see that both sides of my walls are standing.

Val. Sir, I have a great deal of company within, of the first fashion, and beg you would not expose me before them.

Good. Oh, sir! I am their very humble servant; I am infinitely obliged to all the persons of fashion, that they will so generously condescend to eat a poor citizen out of house and home.

Col. Hark'e, Val? shall we toss this old fellow in a blanket?

Val. Sir, I trust in your good nature and forgiveness; and will wait on you in.

Good. Oh, that ever I should live to see this [Exeunt.

day!

SCENE II.-A dining room. LORD PUFF, and several gentlemen and ladies discovered at a table.

Enter GOODALL and VALENTINE.

Val. Gentlemen, my father being just arrived from the Indies, desires to make one of this good company.

Good. My good lords, (that I may affront none by calling him beneath his title) I am highly sensible of the great honour you do myself and my son, by filling my poor house with your noble persons, and your noble persons with my poor wine and provisions.

Lord Puff. Sir! Rat me! I would have you know, I think I do you too much honour in en

tering into your doors. But I am glad you have taught me at what distance to keep such mechanics for the future. Come, gentlemen, let us to the opera. I see if a man hath not good blood in his veins, riches won't teach him to behave like a gentleman. [Exit LORD PUFF. Good. 'Sbodlikins! I am in a rage! That ever a fellow should upbraid me with good blood in his veins, when, odsheart! the best blood in his veins hath run through my bottles. Come, sir, follow your companions; for I am determined to turn you out directly.

Enter CHARLOTTE.

Char. Then, sir, I am determined to go with him. Be comforted, Valentine; I have some fortune which my aunt cannot prevent me from, and it will make us happy, for a while at least; and I prefer a year, a month, a day, with the man I love, to a whole stupid age without him.

[AS VALENTINE and CHARLOTTE are going, they are met by MRS. HIGHMAN and LETTICE.

Mrs. High. What do I see! my niece in the very arms of her betrayer!

Let. I humbly ask pardon of you both-but my master was so heartily in love with your siece, and she so heartily in love with my ma

ster, that I was determined to leave no stone unturned to bring them together.

Good. Eh! Egad, I like her generous passion for my son so much, that if you, madam, will give her a fortune equal to what I shall settle on him, I shall not prevent their happiness.

Mrs. High. Won't you? Then I shall do all in my power to make it a match.

Let. And so, sir, you take no notice of poor Lettice? but, statesman like, your own turn served, forget your friends?

SONG.

Let. That statesmen oft' their friends forget,
Their ends obtained, is clear, sir ;
So, I'm forgot, your place I'll quit,

And seek a service here, sir.
I'll prove my love in every sense,
Be dutiful, observant,

So drop in here a few nights hence,
And hire your humble servant.

CHORUS.

She'll prove her love in every sense,
Be dutiful, observant,

So drop in here a few nights hence,
And hire your humble servant,
[Exeunt omnes.

SCENE L-The cobler's house.

JOBSON and NELL.

Nell. PR'YTHEE, good Jobson, stay with me to-night, and for once make merry at home.

Job. Peace, peace, you jade, and go spin; for, if I lack any thread for my stitching, I will punish you by virtue of my sovereign authority. Nell. Ay, marry, no doubt of that; whilst you take your swing at the alehouse, spend your substance, get drunk as a beast, then come home like a sot, and use one like a dog.

Job. Nounz! do you prate? Why, how now, brazen-face, do you speak ill of the government? Don't you know, hussy, that I am king in my

own house, and that this is treason against my majesty ?

Nell. Did ever one hear such stuff! But, I pray you, now, Jobson, don't go to the alehouse to-night!

Job. Well, I'll humour you for once; but don't grow saucy upon't; for I am invited by Sir John Loverule's butler, and am to be princely drunk with punch, at the hall place; we shall have a bowl large enough to swim in.

Nell. But they say, husband, the new lady will not suffer a stranger to enter her doors; she grudges even a draught of small beer to her own servants; and several of the tenants have come home with broken heads from her ladyship's own hands, only for smelling strong beer in her house.

Job. A pox on her for a fanatical jade! she has almost distracted the good knight: But she's now abroad, feasting with her relations, and will scarce come home to-night; and we are to have much drink, a fiddle, and merry gambols.

Nell. O dear husband! let me go with you; we'll be as merry as the night's long!

Lucy. I am sure I always feel her in my bones: if her complexion don't please her, or she looks yellow in a morning, I am sure to look black and blue for it before night.

Cook. Pox on her! I dare not come within her reach. I have some six broken heads already. A lady, quotha! a she-bear is a civiler animal. Foot. Heaven help my poor master! this de

Nell. I'm sure they would make me welcome; you promised I should see the house, and the family has not been here before, since you married and brought ine home.

Job. Why, thou most audacious strumpet, dar'st thou dispute with me, thy lord and master? Get in and spin, or else my strap shall wind about thy ribs most confoundedly.

AIR.-The Twitcher.

He that has the best wife,
She's the plague of his life;

But for her that will scold and will quarrel,
Let him cut her off short

Of her meat and her sport,

death of him; I never saw a man so altered all the days of my life.

Cook. There's a perpetual motion in that tongue of hers, and a damned shrill pipe, enough to break the drum of a man's ear.

Enter blind Fiddler, JOBSON, and neighbours.

But. Welcome, welcome all; this is our wish! Honest old acquaintance, goodman Jobson! how dost thou ?

Job. By my troth, I am always sharp set towards punch, and am now come with the firm resolution, though but a poor cobler, to be as richly drunk as a lord. I am a true English heart, and look upon drunkenness as the best part of the liberty of the subject.

But. Come, Jobson, we'll bring out our bowl

Butler, Cook, Footman, Coachman, Lucy,
LETTICE, &C.

But. I would the blind fiddler and our dancing neighbours were here, that we might rejoice a little, while our termagant lady is abroad; I have made a most sovereign bowl of punch.

Lucy. We had need rejoice sometimes, for our devilish new lady will never suffer it in her hearing.

But. I will maintain, there is more mirth in a galley, than in our family: Our master, indeed, is the worthiest gentleman-nothing but sweetness and liberality.

Foot. But here's a house turned topsy-turvy, from heaven to hell, since she came hither.

Lucy. His former lady was all virtue and mildness.

But. Ay, rest her soul, she was so; but this is inspired with a legion of devils, who make her lay about her like a fury.

song to crown our happiness.

[They all go out, and return with a bowl of punch.

AIR.-Charles of Sweden.

Come jolly Bacchus, god of wine,
Crown this night with pleasure;
Let none at cares of life repine,

To destroy our pleasure:
Fill up the mighty sparkling bowl,
That every true and loyal soul
May drink and sing without controul,
To support our pleasure.

Thus, mighty Bacchus, shalt thou be,
Guardian of our pleasure;

That, under thy protection, we
May enjoy new pleasure.
And as the hours glide away,
We'll, in thy name, invoke their stay,
And sing thy praises, that we may
Live and die with pleasure.

But. The king and the royal family, in a brimmer!-

AIR.

Here's a good health to the king,
And send him a prosperous reign;
O'er hills and high mountains,
We'll drink dry the fountains,
Until the sun rises again, brave boys!
Until the sun rises again.
Then, here's to thee, my boy boon,
And here's to thee, my boy boon;
As we've tarried all day
For to drink down the sun,

So we'll tarry and drink down the moon, brave boys!

So we'll tarry and drink down the moon.

All. Huzza!

Enter SIR JOHN and LADY. Lady. O Heaven and earth! What's here within my doors? Is hell broke loose? What troops of fiends are here? Sirrah, you impudent rascal, speak?

Sir John. For shame, my dear!As this is a time of mirth and jollity, it has always been the custom of my house, to give my servants liberty in this season, and to treat my country neighbours, that with innocent sports they may divert themselves.

Lady. I say, meddle with your own affairs; I will govern my own house, without your putting in an oar. Shall I ask leave to correct my own servants?

Sir John. I thought, madam, this had been my house, and these my tenants and servants.

Lady. Did I bring a fortune to be thus abused, and suubbed before people? Do you call my authority iu question, ungrateful man? Look you to your dogs and horses abroad, but it shall be my province to govern here; nor will I be controuled by e'er a hunting, hawking knight in Christendom.

AIR.

Sir John. Ye gods! you gave to me a wife,
Out of your grace and favour,
To be the comfort of my life,
And I was glad to have her:
But if your Providence Divine,
For greater bliss design her,
To obey your wills at any time
I am ready to resign her.

This it is to be married to a continual tempest. Strife and noise, canting and hypocrisy, are eternally afloat.-Tis impossible to bear it long.

Lady. Ye filthy scoundrels, and odious jades!

I'll teach you to junket thus, and steal my provisions; I shall be devoured at this rate.

But. I thought, madam, we might be merry once upon a holiday.

Job. Nounz! what a pox, what a devil ails you?

Lady. O profane wretch! wicked varlet ! Sir John. For shame! your behaviour is monstrous!

Lady. Was ever poor lady so miserable in a brutish busband as I am? I, that am so pious, and so religious a woman!

Job. [Sings.] He that has the best wife, She's the plague of his life, But for her that will scold and will quarrel[Exit JOB. Lady. O rogue, scoundrel, villain! Sir John. Remember modesty. Lady. I'll rout you all with a vengeance; I'll spoil your squeaking treble.

[Beats the fiddle about the blind man's heud. Fid. O murder, murder! I am a dark man; which way shall I get hence? Oh Heaven! she has broke my fiddle, and undone me and my wife and children.

Sir John. Here, poor fellow, take your staff and be gone! There's money to buy you two such; that's your way. 2.. [Exit Fiddler.

Lady. Methinks you are very liberal, sir; must my estate maintain you in your profuseness? Sir John. Go up to your closet, pray, and compose your mind.

Lady. O wicked man! to bid me pray!

Sir John. A man can't be completely curst, I see, without marriage; but since there is such a thing as separate maintenance, she shall tomorrow enjoy the benefit of it.

AIR. Of all comforts I miscarried.
Of the states in life so various,
Marriage, sure, is most precarious;
'Tis a maze so strangely winding,
Still we are new mazes finding;
'Tis an action so severe,

That nought but death can set us clear.
Happy's the man, from wedlock free,

Who knows to prize his liberty:

Were mon wary

How they marry,

We should not be by half so full of misery. [Knocking at the door.] Here, where are my servants? Must they be frighted from me?---Within

Lady. Within there!Where are my sluts ? Ye drabs, ye queans-Lights there!

instruct me.

Lady. I'll try thy voice here first, villain! [Strikes him.

Enter Servants sneaking, with candles. But. Sir, it is a doctor that lives ten miles off; he practises physic, and is an astrologer: your worship knows him very well; he is a cunning man, makes almanacks, and can help people to their goods again.

Enter Doctor.

Doc. Sir, I humbly beg your honour's pardon for this unseasonable intrusion; but I am benighted, and 'tis so dark that I can't possibly