ed nothing "but that he would stand aside and not prevent the sun from shining on him." Having thus thrown up a sort of rampart, I have less fear in turning to the woman, for whom I naturally feel more tenderness, and infinitely more anxiety. This fault is supposed to be peculiar to the sex; but from this opinion I beg to dissent, having constantly found as much vanity buttoned up in a waistcoat as ever sought shelter under a bodice. But to woman this error is fraught with the most woeful consequences. It is not in itself a crime, but as the preluding symphony prepares the ear for the air that is to follow, so will vanity fit the heart for the reception of vice and folly. Hence that pernicious, too generally adopted, and most justly censured habit of painting, to which many have even sacrificed their lives: hence the weaknesses into which some so readily fall of mistaking the attentions of gallantry for the devotion of love: hence all the absurdities and all the indecencies of fashion. . Where there is a good ground-work of vanity, flattery can raise its flimsy fabrics, garrison them with false estimates and erroneous opinions, till reason and discretion are forced to raise the siege, nay, are often allured from their entrenchments before they are aware that they have passed a single boundary. Vanity has all the disadvantages, without any of the advantages of pride: it has all its meanness without any of its dignity; the one betrays virtue, the other frequently supports it; the first will descend to court attention, the last will not stoop even to command homage. They are both the offspring of excessive self-love, but we treat vanity like a spurious bantling, never acknowledging it in public, however we may indulge it in private, while pride is allowed all the display of publicity as giving us consequence and éclat, though we frequently refuse to yield to his rigid exactions and severe restrictions when the veil of privacy is thrown over our conduct. However, I think there are few faults that carry their attendant punishment more than vanity: it is ever open to mortification and exposure, and meets neither pity nor palliation. Indeed mankind, in geneṛal, have au unworthy avidity for depreciating each other, and the most faulty are ever the most active in making such discoveries. Many are the mercenary friendships which have been formed over the immolation of an unhappy victim. Two fools will grow into intimacy by holding up to ridicule some error of a wise man; and two rogues unite in amity on the destruction of some ill-advised yet innocent being. In fact, unable to raise themselves they are anxious to bring others down to their own mean level. Vanity should be most anxiously watched in its progress, and unsparingly checked. After the first feelings of mortification were past, I have always rejoiced in every evil I have experienced from the indulgence of vanity, as I look upon them as the most salutary lessons I could receive; precept may be forgotten, experience rarely. To my own sex I would most anxiously recommend that self-examination which will enable them to detect that deluder of the human mind. Their best safeguard against that and every ill incident to mortality, is religion; none are so faultless, none so happy as the really religious. To them the difficulties and distresses of life are unimportant; the hopes, the fears, the petty ambition and trifling vanity of existence ridiculous. Accustomed to the perpetual contemplation of eternity, they are sublimely borne up on the wings of devotion to a brighter sphere, whenever the turmoils of this world seek to attack them. They do society an ill office, and themselves a worse, who would wish to din the lustre of religion, or diminish its influence; for even when viewed merely in a worldly sense, they must be blind indeed who are uot sensible of its advantages. That it will sometimes madden to enthusiasm, and produce a fanatic, or degenerate into bigotry, and robe the meekest principles in all the sanguinary violence of intolerance, is no argument against it, for there is no advantage that is not sometimes abused. It is the very just remark of an elegant writer of the present day, that "grief leads us more to think of religion than joy.”— Singular phenomenon of the human mind! One would imagine that the effusions of gratitude were as natural as the supplicatious for support. But it is not so. Joy leads us to communicate with man, who can share it; and grief to communion with is rarely accorded to the unfortunate. Of all, God, who alone can relieve it. "Oh! thou who dry'st the monrner's tear, If, when deceived and wounded here, The friends who in our sunshine live, the blessings of this terrestrial state, that of a sincere and ardent friend is the most rare. That it is not comprehended in the term relative, I well know. The nearest ties of consanguinity are unacknowledged, where the object is shrouded in obscurity and borne down by distress: while the most remote are reiterated to disgust, where wealth or any distinction can flatter va This, without having recourse to the sufnity, or stimulate interest to the acknow, frage of all ages, I can attest from expe- ledgement. rience. The consolatory sympathy of man M. L. R. THE TRIFLER.-No. XVII. TO MRS. CONSTANTIA BAGATELLE. one much more graceful: however, she, to my great astonishment, exclaims—“ La! pa, I really think it is almost time I was married."-For a few moments I was putrified, as I may say, by the girl's impudence. At length, recovering myself" Why, you impudent young slut,"—says 1; and I was going on to rebuke her for such barefaced boldness, when her mother, who was in a roar of laughter at Patty's fun, as she called it, stopt me." You blundering, ill-bred man," says she, "what do you mean by calling my child slut? If you cannot disə tinguish genteel manners from the boorish MADAM,-I take the liberty of laying before you a few of the errors of my fa mily in this present age of vanity and refinement. Be it known to you, my good lady, that I have scraped together a fortune of above ten thousand pounds; and notwithstanding I was a tallow-chandler, very few guineas slipt through my hands without returning with a companion. But I have a daughter, just turned of thirteen, and who my wife (for dear Mrs. Bagatelle, 1|| have a wife, too, Lord help me) would send to the most genteelest boarding-school about town. I expostulated on the impro-ness of the city, you had better hold your priety of sending the daughter of a seemingly petty tallow-chandler to a school intended only for ladies of high rank and fashion; pointed out the dangerous consequences of permitting any girl to conceive notions above her condition: but all in vain; my wife knocked down my arguments with as much ease as a certain cele-present. brated auctioneer knocks down an estate. Well, Madam, Patty was sent to one of the first boarding-schools about town, and there she has been two years come next Midsummer. Her mamma, whom she always before used to call mother, sent for Patty in consequence of a sister of mine coming up to London, who principally resides in the country. After dinner on Monday last, the girl threw herself on two chairs (we have no sofa, I had my own way about that), in what she called an attitude; I have seen our little kitten put herself in tongue."At this reflection on the city, Patty is your daughter, Mrs. Dripping, but she is also mine, and I will correct her when she behaves ill."--" Your daughter!" says my wife, with a sneer of the utmost contempt; "yes, I acknowledge that; but heaven send she may inherit nothing belonging to you but your fortune!” All this time, Madam, the girl lay on her recumbing posture, as she calls it, as indifferent as possible to all that was passing; at last she drawled out, in an easy indolent manner, which I am told genteel people call life, and expressed herself nearly as follows:-"Mamma, let you and I talk these matters over; my papa knows no» dropt in an instant. I was resolved not to lose the advantage I had over my wife on this discovery, and therefore pursued it in the following manner:-" There, Madam, there's a daughter for you! there's the consequence of genteel education, and permitting the daughter of a city shopkeeper to learn dancing of a figurant at the Opera. What do you think of your daughter now, Mrs. Dripping?"-My wife, who had by this time recovered her senses, rose from off her chair with all the dignity of a tragedy Queen, and looking at poor Patty with uncommon indignation, directed her to get out of the room that moment.-" I shall send for your schoolmistress," said the silly woman, "in the morning, that I may thing at all of the polite world.”—“ No, „ into a loud laugh, but her countenance thank Heaven," said I; “if that.""Can no one stop that man's mouth?" said my wife. And then addressed her girl with a smile that indicated her entire approbation of her folly;-" Pray, Patty," said she, "what gentleman would you honour with your hand, provided you had full liberty to choose any husband you pleased." O dear!" answered the girl, laughing, "that I can do in a minute."“Do, then, my pretty dear," said my silly wife; " and never mind papa."—" Well, then, of all the men in the world," said the young simpleton, "I would chuse the Marquis of —; in spite of his being too || old, I think he is the handsomest man I ever saw."-My wife's face, at this foolish saying, was expressive of the most heart-know what company you have kept at felt pleasure. My countenance was directly contrary: and after a pause of a few moments, Mrs. Dripping directed her discourse to me." There, Mr. Dripping, there's a girl for you! She has no low city notions; observe the elegance of that thought, Mr. Dripping, and blush at your own littleness."-" I do blush," says I, "but it is at the folly of you and your daughter." They both sneered at this observation, and the mother proceeded to interrogate Patty on the subject of matrimony." My dear," said the old fool (God forgive me for calling my wife so), " I approve of your taste; for it was that fine man, as called to see his cousins at your school, the day I fetched you home; but be that as it may, you must not look so high as that; the Duke of 's son will never marry the daughter of a city shopkeeper:"-" I know that, mamma," said the pert young hussy, “and therefore I have pitched upon a husband; who, as he is not very fat, I dare say will have no objection to Pudding-lane !"—“ Who, who is he? my dear," eagerly asked my wife."Why, mamma, I will tell you; he is a very handsome young man, indeed-a charming man. He is a figurant at the Opera-House, and comes occasionally to teach quadrilles and waltzes to the ladies at our school; I have often gone through a whole waltz with him; and he told me once I was von delightful young creature "— || I am, Madam, your very obedient servant, Ou hearing this, my wife's countenance and miue were completely reversed; I burst school. There are always a parcel of silly girls at boarding-schools, and I take it for granted you have associated with them.""Why, Mrs. Dripping," said I, for by this time I had plucked up a good spirit, and felt quite stout like; "how can you find fault with the girl? surely this is nothing but LIFE! Women in the polite world make no scruple of confessing their passion || for Italian Opera dancers; it was not long ago, I have been told, that a widow of large fortune was very near kicking the bucketexcuse the term, I learnt it when apprentice || boy-because she found that the very identical being that Patty's in love with was a married man, with two or three children. I will do Mrs. Teach well that justice, that for fear of elopements to Gretna Green with a parcel of forward young hussies, that have more money than prudence, she employs no masters but what are married men. But do not be angry, my dear," added I, with a sneer; Patty has shewn herself an adept in genteel life, by falling in love with a foreigner, and a married man at the same time." In short, Madam, for once, since I have been married, I silenced my wife; and in the hopes that the publication of her folly and idle notions of genteel life, may have a proper effect upon her, I shall take the liberty of requesting you to insert this in one of the Numbers of La Belle Assemblée. NATHANIEL DRIPPING. HISTORY OF AMELIA; OR, THE NOMINAL WIFE. In my youth I was always distin- || elegance of manner; Mr. Mimus, dancing guished by the appellation of the beautiful and pantomimic exhibition; Mr. Draft, Amelia; not only by the inhabitants of my drawing and painting; and Mr. Clavecin, native village, and of Koningsberg, but vocal music and composition. through all Prussia. I had two brothers, but both of them died before I was born. My parents had always lived together in the most perfect harmony till the time that my mother became possessed of a very rich inheritance, which, without doubt, absolutely turned her brain; at least, she became quite insupportable to my father, who thought proper to give up to her the estate of Hammersdorf, that she had just had bequeathed to her, and to retire to a small tenure of his own, where he died with grief, as it was generally believed: I never knew him. I found, therefore, from my earliest youth, that I was the only branch of our family, and the heiress to immense fortune, by virtue of my an mother. I was docile and obedient, and there was every reason to hope that, with such indisputable means of instruction, I should soon become a prodigy of science. In the meantime it was very perceptible, that, after as much as two or three years' exercise in these different branches, I made no progress in them; which, perhaps, might be only from the very transcendant abilities of my masters: in effect, every one was not only excellent in all he undertook to teach, but he was competent to pass judgment on the abilities of others. Mr. Gripus, in his quality of a profound scholar, despised every one of his brethren alike. Mademoiselle Jargon was only halflearned, but she had lived much in the great world; and she blamed the method of Mr. Gripus, and always called him a pedant. Mr. Mimus, who had formerly been a dancer at the Opera, in Paris, made a laugh of the postures, manners, and attitudes, that Mademoiselle Jargon taught me. Mr. Draft wore his lungs out in endeavouring to prove to Mr. Mimus, that his steps aud his gambols destroyed the beauties of nature, and were directly contrary to the Grecian contour and the antique statues: and they all laughed at Mr. Clavecin, who could never make me quit my continual bass, as he began to perceive that I had neither voice nor ear. My mother had an abundant share of vanity, but I believe it was her only defect; and that was caused from the total neglect of her education. As soon as she found herself completely her own mistress, she had the old mansion at Hammersdorf pulled down, and a modern house built in its place the furniture was all new; the gardens, the park, and the avenues, were all new planned and beautified; but soon after, as she found in this village no other way of running into excessive expence, she resolved on consecrating the whole of her revenue to the procuring me that education which should be as brilliant and All these artists were lodged, harboured, liberal as her owu had been common and and fed, at our mansion of Hammersdorf. confined. She therefore procured, at a More than one friend had advised my mogreat expence, from Koningsberg and Ber- ther to dismiss them all; but fearing it lin, a tutor, a French governess, four or might injure me, she could not form the five different sorts of masters (each more resolution to take their advice. As I enfamous in his way than the other), without tered my fourteenth year, chance effected mentioning a waiting-maid, and several what my mother had not the courage to other servants, who were indispensably undertake. It had been perceived for some requisite to attend exclusively on me: time that Mr. Gripus and my waitingtherefore, I had scarcely attained the age || maid were the only two in the house who of nine years, when Mr. Gripus had al- could agree together, and one fine mornready taught me German (by the first ing they eloped. Such examples are catchprinciples), history, and geography; Ma-ing: the next day, Mademoiselle Jargon demoiselle Jargon taught me French, and went to take refuge in a Catholic convent, 71 after having stripped my mother's toilet of || studies, and thought proper, before all all her jewels. Mr. Mimus was pursued by justice, for wishing to delude the daughter of a schoolmaster, under a promise of marriage; and, in despair, he joined a company of strolling players. One of my uncles put Mr. Clavecin in prison, who was of a mild and sentimental character, for having whispered some tender nonsense in my mother's ear. There was only Mr. Draft left, who was perfectly free from reproach. When he found himself left alone, he suggested to my mother the idea of constructing a little pavilion on the summit of a hill, which should be made to contain every object relative to the art he taught me a dark room, with convex looking-glasses, microscopes, &c. My mother highly approved of this project, and gave him money sufficient to defray the expence of this plan, aud left it all to his contrivance: be disappeared with the money, and never returned. Thus did I get rid of all my learned gentlemen, but what they had taught me remained; and it is astonishing how much I thought myself versed in the knowledge of human nature after their departure. During this interval, the curacy of Hammersdorf became vacant, and twenty candidates presented themselves. My mother ordered them to preach a sermon on trial, but one of the candidates took another method: he came one morning to wait on me, holding in his hand a very fine poem, covered with blue satin, and begged of me to present it to my mother with my own hands. On the cover was embroidered, in gold letters, "To the Goddess of these domains, presented by the hand of the fairest of the Graces." With such a dedication the poem must be a good one: it was found excellent, and the poet obtained the curacy in preference of all his rivals. Nay more, he gained the good graces of my mother; and though it might have been difficult to have found, through all Prussia, a more ignorant being, or one more deceitful or more cringing, he was invested with the sole charge of my future education. things, to teach me the art of declamation. Sometimes we read together poems and romances. My mother, who was but little acquainted with this kind of reading, was often present at the lessons given me by Mr. Liecht, and she was enchanted with them; for whatever distance there might be in regard to my talents with those of Miss Harriet Byrou, my mother determined, as well for her happiness as my own, to neglect nothing to find, either in our own village, or throughout Prussia, a perfect Grandison. In the midst of these important occupations, I had attained my fifteenth year, and I felt an ardent desire to cultivate the acquaintance of the other sex. My mother shared in this wish, so that our house was soon filled with all the smart lads round the neighbourhood. There were baillies, clerks of the post, receivers of the taxes, and clergymen. All these gentlemen came as much for the good things of the cellar and the pantry as on my mother's account or mine; and although, after the example of the Rev. Mr. Liecht, they sometimes drank rather more than they ought, yet, as they knew my mother was in search of a Grandison, the idea of this search contributed to keep up a very decent behaviour among our guests. Amongst the many that aspired to my hand, the only one that drew my parti cular attention was a young physician, who was very rich, who had travelled much, and who already was very eminent in his profession. He did not introduce bimself to our notice in the same way as the others; it was by his practice that he first visited at our house. He was my first love; and he made so quick an impression on me, that it was only a fortnight after I had first seen him that I was so enamoured of him, I should have been ready to have jumped into his arms, without any ceremony, if I had not been Byronized. It must be acknowledged that, this Mr. Trefflich was a charming man. I could confess that at this moment I still love him, if I could make such a confession without a blush. But unfortunately, my mother, on her side, had marked out a Mr. Liecht (for that was the name of my future preceptor) found that I had not imbibed sufficient sentiment of the beauti-post-master, who, though he had once ful. He reformed the course of my former been a footman, offered to her fancy such |