THE MEETING OF THE CLABBERHUSES

I

He was the Chairman of the Guild
Of Early Pleiocene Patriarchs;
He was chief Mentor of the Lodge
Of the Oracular Oligarchs;
He was the Lord High Autocrat
And Vizier of the Sons of Light,
And Sultan and Grand Mandarin
Of the Millennial Men of Might.

He was Grand Totem and High Priest
Of the Independent Potentates;
Grand Mogul of the Galaxy

Of the Illustrious Stay-out-lates;
The President of the Dandydudes,
The Treasurer of the Sons of Glee;
The Leader of the Clubtown Band
And Architects of Melody.

II

She was Grand Worthy Prophetess
Of the Illustrious Maids of Mark;
Of Vestals of the Third Degree

She was Most Potent Matriarch;

She was High Priestess of the Shrine
Of Clubtown's Culture Coterie,
And First Vice-President of the League
Of the illustrious G. A. B.

She was the First Dame of the Club
For teaching Patagonians Greek;
She was Chief Clerk and Auditor

Of Clubtown's Anti-Bachelor Clique;
She was High Treasurer of the Fund
For Borrioboolighalians,

And the Fund for Sending Browning's Poems
To Native-born Australians.

The Meeting of The Clabberhuses

III

Once to a crowded social fête

Both these much-titled people came,
And each perceived, when introduced,
They had the selfsame name.
Their hostess said, when first they met:
"Permit me now to introduce

My good friend Mr. Clabberhuse
To Mrs. Clabberhuse."

""Tis very strange," said she to him, "Such an unusual name!

A name so very seldom heard,

That we should bear the same." "Indeed, 'tis wonderful," said he, "And I'm surprised the more, Because I never heard the name Outside my home before.

"But now I come to look at you,"
Said he, 66 upon my life,

If I am not indeed deceived,
You are you are my wife.”
She gazed into his searching face
And seemed to look him through;
"Indeed," said she, “it seems to me
You are my husband, too.

"I've been so busy with my clubs And in my various spheres

I have not seen you now," she said, "For over fourteen years."

"That's just the way it's been with me,

These clubs demand a sight ".

And then they both politely bowed,
And sweetly said "Good night."

245

Sam Walter Foss.

THE IDEAL HUSBAND TO HIS WIFE

WE'VE lived for forty years, dear wife,

And walked together side by side,
And you to-day are just as dear
As when you were my bride.
I've tried to make life glad for you,

One long, sweet honeymoon of joy,
A dream of marital content,

Without the least alloy.

I've smoothed all boulders from our path,
That we in peace might toil along,
By always hastening to admit

That I was right and you were wrong.

No mad diversity of creed

Has ever sundered me from thee;

For I permit you evermore

To borrow your ideas of me.
And thus it is, through weal or woe,

Our love forevermore endures;

For I permit that you should take

My views and creeds, and make them yours.

And thus I let you have my way,

And thus in peace we toil along,

For I am willing to admit

That I am right and you are wrong.

And when our matrimonial skiff

Strikes snags in love's meandering stream,

I lift our shallop from the rocks,

And float as in a placid dream.

And well I know our marriage bliss
While life shall last will never cease;

For I shall always let thee do,

In generous love, just what I please. Peace comes, and discord flies away,

Love's bright day follows hatred's night; For I am ready to admit

That you are wrong and I am right.

Sam Walter Foss.

If They Meant All They Said

247

DISTICHS

WISELY a woman prefers to a lover a man who negleets her. This one may love her some day; some day the lover will not.

There are three species of creatures who when they seem coming are going,

When they seem going they come: Diplomats, women, and crabs.

As the meek beasts in the Garden came flocking for Adam to name them,

Men for a title to-day crawl to the feet of a king.

What is a first love worth except to prepare for a secon
d
What does the second love bring? Only regret for the first.
John Hay.

THE HEN-ROOST MAN

DE Hen-roost Man he'll preach about Paul,
An' James an' John, an' Herod, an' all,
But nuver a word about Peter, oh, no!
He's afeard he'll hear dat rooster crow.

An' he ain't by 'isself in dat, in dat-
An' he ain't by 'isself in dat.

Ruth McEnery Stuart.

IF THEY MEANT ALL THEY SAID

CHARM is a woman's strongest arm;
My charwoman is full of charm;
I chose her, not for strength of arm
But for her strange, elusive charm.

And how tears heighten woman's powers!
My typist weeps for hours and hours:
I took her for her weeping powers-
They so delight my business hours.

A woman lives by intuition.
Though my accountant shuns addition
She has the rarest intuition.
(And I myself can do addition.)

Timidity in girls is nice.

My cook is so afraid of mice.
Now you'll admit it's very nice

To feel your cook's afraid of mice.

Alice Duer Miller.

THE MAN

A MAN said to the universe,
"Sir, I exist!"

"However," replied the universe,

"The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation."

Stephen Crane.

A THOUGHT

IF all the harm that women have done

Were put in a bundle and rolled into one,
Earth would not hold it,

The sky could not enfold it,

It could not be lighted nor warmed by the sun;
Such masses of evil

Would puzzle the devil,

And keep him in fuel while Time's wheels run.

But if all the harm that's been done by men
Were doubled, and doubled, and doubled again,
And melted and fused into vapour, and then
Were squared and raised to the power of ten,
There wouldn't be nearly enough, not near,
To keep a small girl for the tenth of a year.
James Kenneth Stephen.