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cient apology, or you must meet in a quiet way, with "But if you will trust to me, I will bring up a friend a good friend on each side.—And this was the errand on your part from the Well, who, though you have I came on, when this tamned woman, with the hardly seen him before, will settle matters for you as hearth-broom, who is an enemy to all' quiet and well as if you had been intimate for twenty yearspeaceable proceedings”
and I will bring up the Doctor too, if I can get him “We will forget Mrs. Dods for the present, if you unloosed from ihe petticoat of that fat widow Blower, please, Captain MacTurk," said Tyrrel-"and, to that he has strung himself upon." speak to the present subject, you will permit me to say, “I have no doubt you will do every thing with perthat I think this summons comes a little of the latest. fec! accuracy, Captain. At one o'clock, then, we You know best as a military man, but I have always meet at the Buck-stane-stay, permit me to see you understood that such differences are usually settled to the door.” immediately after they occur-not that I intend to By Cot! and it is not altogether so unnecessary," baulk Sir Bingo's inclinations upon the score of de- said the Caplain; "for the tamned woman with the lay, or any other account.'
besom might have some advantage in that long dark 'I dare say you will not-1 dare say, you will not, passage, knowing the ground better than I do--tamn Mr. Tyrrel," answered the Captain-"I am free to her, I will have amends on her, if there be whippingthink that you know better what belongs to a gentle-post, or, ducking-stool, or a pair of stocks, in the man. - And as to time-look you, my good sir, there parish !" And so saying, the Captain trudged off, his are different sorts of people in this world, as there are spirits ever and anon agitated by recollection of the different sorts of fire-arms. There are your hair- causeless aggression of Meg Dods, and again comtriggered rifles, that go off just at the right moment, posed to a state of happy serenity by the recollection and in the twinkling of an eye, and that, Mr. Tyrrel, of the agreeable arrangement which he had made is your true man of honour;-and there is a sort of between Mr. Tyrrel, and his friend Sir Bingo Binks. person that takes a thing up too soon, and sometimes We have heard of men of undoubted benevolence of backs out of it, like your rubbishy Birmingham pieces, character and disposition, whose principal delight that will at one time go off at half-cock, and at ano- was to see a miserable criminal, degraded alike by ther time burn priming without going off at all ;- his previous crimes, and the sentence which he had then again there are picces that hang fire-or I should incurred, conclude a vicious and wretched life, by an rather say, that are like the matchlocks which the ignominious and painful death. It was some such black fellows use in the East Indies--there must be inconsistency of character which induced honest some blowing of the match, and so forth, which occa- Captain MacTurk, who had really been a meritorisions delay, but the piece carries true enough after all." ous officer, and was a good-natured, honourable,
" And your friend Sir Bingo's valonr is of this last and well-intentioned man, to place his chief delight kind, Captain-I presume that is the inference. 1 in setting his friends by the ears, and then acting as should have thought it more like a boy's cannon, umpire in the dangerous recontres, which, according which is fired by means of a train, and is but a pop- to his code of honour, were absolutely necessary to gun after all."
restore peace and cordiality. We leave the explana"I cannot allow of such comparisons, sir," said the tion of such anomalies to the labours of craniologists, Captain; "you will understand that I come here as for they seem to defy all the researches of the Ethic Sir Bingo's friend, and a reflection on him will be an philosopher. affront to me." "I disclaim all intended offence to you, Captain-I
CHAPTER XIII. have no wish to extend the number of my adversaries, or to add to them the name of a gallant officer Evans. I pray you now, good Master Slender's serving man, like yourself,” replied Tyrrel.
and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked "You are too obliging, sir," said the Captain, draw-for Master Caius ? ing himself up with dignity. By Cot! and that was
Slender. Marry, sir, the City-ward, the Park-ward, every
way; Old Windsor way, and every way. said very handsomely !-Well, sir, and shall I not
Merry Wires of Windsor. have the pleasure of carrying back any explanation Sir Bingo Binks received the Captain's comfrom you to Sir Bingo ?–1 assure you it would give munication with the same dogged sullenness he had me pleasure to make this matter handsomely up. displayed at sending the challenge; a most ungra
"To Sir Bingo, Captain MacTurk, I have no apo- cious humph, ascending, as it were, from the very logy to offer-I think'I treated him more gently than bottom of his stomach, through the folds of a Belcher his impertinence deserved."
handkerchief, intimating his acquiescence, in a tone "Och, Och !" sighed the Captain, with a strong nearly as gracious as that with which the drowsy Highland intonation; "then there is no more to be traveller acknowledges the intimation of the slipsaid, but just to settle time and place; for pistols I shod ostler, that it is on the stroke of five, and the suppose must be the weapons.".
horn will sound in a minute. Captain MacTurk by All these matters are quite the same to me,” said no means considered this ejaculation as expressing a Tyrrel ; "only, in respect of time, I should wish it to proper estimate of his own trouble and services. be as speedy as possible.--What say you to one, after- Humph ?" he replied; "and what does that mean, noon, this very day ?-You may name the place.".. Sir Bingo? Have not 'I here had the trouble to put
At one, afternoon,” replied the Captain delibe- you just into the neat road; and would you have been rately, "Sir Bingo will attend you-the place may be able to make a handsome affair out of it at all, after the Buck-stane; for as the whole company go to the you had let it hang so long in the wind, if I had not water-side to-day to eat a kettle of fish, there will be taken on myself to make it agreeable to the gentleno risk of interruption. And who shall I speak to, man, and cooked as neat a mess out of it as I have my good friend, on your side of the quarrel ???' seen a Frenchman do out of a stale sprat?"
Really, Captain,” replied Tyrrel, “that is a puz- Sir Bingo saw it was necessary to utter some inzling question--I have no friend here-I suppose you timation of acquiescence and acknowledgment, which, could hardly act for both ?"
however inarticulate, was sufficient to satisfy the "It would be totally, absolutely, and altogether out veteran, to whom the adjustment of a personal affair of the question, my good friend," replied MacTurk. of this kind was a labour of love, and who now,
A kettle of fish is a fete-champetre of a particular kind, kindly mindful of his promise to Tyrrel, hurried away which is to other feles champetres what the piscatory eclogues as if he had been about the most charitable action of Brown or Sannazario are to pastoral poetry. A large caldron upon earth, to secure the attendance of some one as is boiled by the side of a salmon river, containing a quantity of a witness on the stranger's part. water, thickened with salt to the consistence of brine. In this the fish is plunged when laken, and eaten by the company Turk had in his own mind pitched upon as the fittest
Mr. Winterblossom was the person whom Macfronde super viridi. This is accounted the best way of eating salmon, by those who desire to taste the fish in a state of ex. person to perform this act of benevolence, and he lost treme freshness. Others preferit after being kept a day or two, when the curd melts into oil, and the fish becomes richer and gentleman. But Mr. Winterblossom, though a man
no time in communicating his wish to that worthy sauce than a spoonful or the water in which the salmon is of the world, and well enough acquainted with such boiled, together with a little pepper and vinegar,
matters, was by no means so passionately addicted
to them as was the man of peace, Captain Hector, leather which formed his case of portable instruiMacTurk. As a bon vivant, he hated trouble of any ments, and uncoiled before the Captain, with ostentakind, and the shrewd selfishness of his disposition tious display, its formidable and glittering contents enabled him to foresee, that a good deal might accrue upon which he began to lecture as upon a copious and to al concerned in the course of this business. He, interesting text, until the man of war thought it ne therefore, coolly replied, that he knew nothing of Mr. cessary to give him a word of caution. Tyrrel-not even whether he was a gentleman or “Och," says he, “I do pray you, Doctor, to carry not; and besides, he had received no regular applica- that packet of yours under the breast of your coat, or tion in his behalf-he did not, therefore, feel himself in your pocket, or somewhere out of sight, and by no at all inclined to go to the field as his second. This means to produce or open it before the parties. For refusal drove the poor Captain to despair. He con- although scalpels, and tourniquets, and pincers, and jured his friend io be more public-spirited, and en- the like, are very ingenious implements, and pretty to treated him to consider the reputation of the Well, behold, and are also useful when time and occasion which was to them as a common country, and the call for them, yet I have known the sight of them honour of the company to which they both belonged, take away a man's fighting stomach, and so lose their and of which Mr. Winterblossom was in a manner owner a job, Dr. Quackleben." the proper representative, as being, with consent of "By my faith, Captain MacTurk," said the Doctor, all, the perpetual president. He reminded him how" you speak as if you were graduated !- I have known many quarrels had been nightly undertaken and de- these treacherous articles play their master many a parted from on the ensuing morning, without any cursed trick. The very sight of my forceps, without suitable consequences-said, " that people began to the least effort on my part, once cured an inveterate talk of the place oddly; and that, for his own part, he toothache of three days' duration, prevented the exfound his own honour so nearly touched, that he had traction of a carious molendinar, which it was the begun to think he himself would be obliged to bring very end of their formation to achieve, and sent me somebody or other to account, for the general credit home minus a guinea. -- But hand me that great-coat, of the Well; and now, just when the most beautiful | Captain, and we will place the instruments in ambusoccasion had arisen to put every thing on a hand- cade, until they are called into action in due time. I some footing, it was hard-it was cruel-it was most should think something will happen-Sir Bingo is a unjustifiable-in Mr. Winterblossom, to decline so sure shot at a moorcock.". simple a matter as was requested of him.”
"Cannot say," replied MacTurk; "I have known Dry and taciturn as the Captain was on all ordinary the pistol shake many a hand that held the fowlingoccasions, he proved, on the present, eloquent and piece fast enough. Yonder Tyrrel looks like a teevil. almost pathetic; for the tears came into his eyes ish cool customer-I watched him the whole time I when he recounted the various quarrels which had was delivering my errand, and I can promise you de become addled, notwithstanding his best endeavours is mettle to the backbone." to hatch them into an honourable meeting; and here "Well, I will have my bandages ready secundum was one, at length, just chipping the shell, like to be artem," replied the man of medicine. “We must smothered, for want of the most ordinary concession guard against hæmorrhageSir Bingo is a plethoric on the pari of Winterblossom. In short, that genıle subject. One o'clock, you say
at the Buck-stane man could not hold out any longer. "It was,” he I will be punctual." said, "a very foolish business, he thought; but to "Will you not walk with us?” said Captain Macoblige Sir Bingo and Captain MacTurk, he had no Turk, who seemed willing to keep his whole convoy objection to walk with them about noon as far as the together on this occasion, lest, peradventure, any of Buck-stane, although he must observe the day was them had fled from under his patronage. hazy, and he had felt a prophetic twinge or two, "No," replied the Doctor, "I must first make an which looked like a visit of his old acquaintance apology to worthy Mrs. Blower, for I had promised podagra.”
her my arm down to the river-side, where they are all "Never mind that, my excellent friend," said the to eat a kettle of fish.” Captain, a sup out of Sir Bingo's flask is like By Cot! and I hope we shall make them a prettier enough to put that to rìghts; and by my soul, it is not kettle of fish than was ever seen at St. Ronan's," said the thing he is like to leave behind him on this sort the Captain, rubbing his hands. of occasion, unless I be far mistaken in my man. “Don't say we, Captain," replied the cautious
But,” said Winterblossom, although I comply Doctor; "I for one have nothing to do with the with your wishes thus far, Captain MacTurk, I by no meeting-wash my hands of it. No, no, I cannot means undertake for certain to back this same Master afford to be clapt up as accessory. You ask me to Tyrrel, of whom I know nothing at all, but only agree i meet you at the Buck-staneno purpose assigned to go to the place in hopes of preventing mischief." I am willing to oblige my worthy friend, Captain
'Never fash your beard about that Mr. Winter- MacTurk-walk that way, thinking of nothing parblossom,” replied the Captain ; "for a little mischief, ticular-hear the report of pistols-hasten to the spot as you call it
, is become a thing absolutely necessary - fortunately just in time to prevent the most fatal to the credit of the place; and I am sure, whatever be consequences-chance most opportunely to have my the consequences, they cannot in the present instance case of instruments with me-indeed, generally walk be very faial to any body; for here is a young fellow with them about me-nunquam non paratus then that, if he should have a misfortune, nobody will miss, give my professional definition of the wound and for nobody knows him; then there is Sir Bingo state of the patient. That is the way to give evidence, whom every body knows so well, that they will miss Captain, before sheriffs, coroners, and such sort of him all the less.
folk-never commit one's self—it is a rule of our pro"And there will be Lady, Bingo, a wealthy and session.” handsome young widow,' said Winterblossom, "Well, well, Doctor," answered the Captain, "you throwing his hat upon his head with the grace and know your own ways best; and so you are but there pretension of former days, and sighing to see, as he to give a chance of help in case of accident, all the looked in the mirror, how much time, that had whiten- laws of honour will be fully complied with. But it ed his hair, rounded his stomach, wrinkled his brow, I would be a foul reflection upon me, as a man of and bent down his shoulders, had disqualified him, as honour, if I did not take care that there should be he expressed it, "for entering for such a plate." somebody to come in thirdsman between Death and Secure of Winterblossom, the Captain's next anx
my principal." iety was to obtain the presence of Dr. Quackleben, At the awful hour of one, afternoon, there arrived who, although he wrote himself M. D., did not by upon the appointed spot Captain MacTurk, leading any means decline practice as a surgeon, when any !o the field the valorous Sir Bingo, not exactly strainjob offered for which he was likely to be well paid, ing like a greyhound in the slips, but rather looking as was warranted in the present instance, the wealthy moody like a butcher's bull-dog, which knows he baronet being a party principally concerned. The must fight since his master bids him. Yet the Doctor, therefore, like the eagle scented the carnage, Baronet showed no outward finching or abatement seized, at the first word, the huge volume of morocco / of courage, excepting, that the tune of Jenny Sution,
which he had whistled without intermission since he | to provoke qnarrels, or to care about them. So, neleft the Hotel, had, during the last half mile of their serve your fire; it is all thrown away on such an old walk, sunk into silence; although, to look at the cock as I am. But I really wish we knew whether muscles of the mouth, projection of the lip, and his fellow means to come--twenty minutes past the vacancy of the eye, it seemed as if the notes were hour-I think it is odds that you are bilked, Sir still passing through his mind, and that he whistled Bingo?" Jenny Sutton in his imagination. Mr. Winterblos- "Bilked! hey!" cried Sir Bingo; "by Gad, I alsom came iwo minutes aiter this happy pair and the ways thought so-I wagered with Mowbray he was Doctor was equally punctual.
a raff--I am had, by Gad. I'll wait no longer than "Upon my soul," said the former, " this is a the half hour, by Gad, were he a field-marshal." mighty, silly affair, Sir Bingo, and might, I think, You will be directed in that matter by your friend, be easily taken up, at less risk to all parties than a if you please, Sir Bingo," said the Captain. meeting of this kind. You should recollect, Sir *D-n me if I will," returned the Baronet-"Friend? Bingo, that you have much depending upon your life a pretty friend, to bring me out here on such a fool's
errand! I knew the fellow was a raff-but I never Sir Bingo turned the quid in his mouth and squirted thought you, with all your chaff about honour, such a out the juice in a most coachman-like manner: d-d spoon as to bring a message from a fellow
who Mr. Winterblossom,” said the Captain, “Sir Bin, has fled the pit!" go has in this matter put himself in my hands, and "If you regret so much having come here to no unless you think yourself more able to direct his purpose," said the Captain, in a very lofty tone, “and course than I am, I must frankly tell you, that I will if you think I have used you like a spoon, as you say, be disobliged by your interference. You may speak I will have no objection in life to take Mr. Tyrrel's to your own friend as much as you please; and if you place, and serve your occasion, my boy." find yourself authorized to make any proposal, I shall "By - ! and if you like it, you may fire away, be desirous to lend an ear to it on the part of my and welcome,” said Sir Bingo; "and I'll spin a worthy principal, Sir Bingo. But I will be plain with crown for first shot, for I do not understand being you, that I do not greatly approve of settlements upon brought here for nothing, d-n me!'' the field, though I hope I am a quiet and peaceable "And there was never man alive so ready as I am
But here is our honour to be looked after in to give you something to stay your stomach," said the first place; and moreover, I must insist that the irritable Highlander. every proposal for accommodation shall originate "Oh, fie, gentlemen! fie, fie, fie!" exclaimed the with your party or yourself."
pacific Mr. Winterblossom--"For shame, CaptainMy party?" answered Winterblossom ;," why Out upon you, Sir Bingo, are you mad ?-what, prinreally, though I came hither at your request, Captain cipal and second !-the like was never heard ofMacTurk, yet I must see more of the matter, ere I can never." fairly pronounce myself second to a man I never saw The parties were in some degree recalled to their but once.
more cool recollections by this expostulation, yet " And, perhaps, may never see again,” said the continued a short quarter-deck walk to and fro, upon Doctor, looking at his watch; "for it is ten minutes parallel lines, looking at each other sullenly as they past the hour, and here is no Mr. Tyrrel."
passed, and bristling like two dogs who have a mind “Hey! what's that you say, Doctor ?'' said the to quarrel, yet hesitate to commence hostilities. DurBaronet, awakened from his apathy.
ing this promenade, also, the perpendicular and erect He speaks tamned nonsense,' said the Captain, carriage of the veteran, rising on his toes at every pulling out a huge old-fashioned, turnip-shaped im step, formed a whimsical contrast with the heavy plement, with a blackened silver dial-plate. " It loutish shuffle of the bulky Baronet, who had, by dint is not above three minutes after one by the true of practice, very nearly attained that most enviable of time, and I will uphold Mr. Tyrrel to be a man all carriages, the gate of a shambling Yorkshire ostof his word--never saw a man lake a thing more ler. His coarse spirit was now thoroughly kindled, coolly."
and like iron, or any other baser metal, which is slow * Not more coolly than he takes his walk this in receiving heat, it retained long the smouldering way,” said the Doctor; "for the hour is as I tell you and angry spirit of resentment that had originally -remember I am professional-have pulses to count brought him to the place, and now rendered him by the second and half-second--my time-piece must willing to wreak his uncomfortable feelings upon the go as true as the sun."
nearest object which occurred, since the first purpose And I have mounted guard a thousand times by of his coming thither was frustrated. In his own my watch," said the Captain; "and I defy the devil phrase, his pluck was up, and finding himself in a to say that Hector MacTurk did not always dis- fighting humour, he thought it a pity, like Bob Acres, charge his duty to the twentieth part of the fraction of that so much good courage should be thrown away. a second-it was my great grandmother, Lady Kill As, however, that courage after all consisted chiefly bracklin's and I will maintain its reputation against in ill humour; and as, in the demeanour of the Capany timepiece that ever went upon wheels." tain, he read nothing deferential or deprecatory of his
Well, then, look at your own watch, Captain," wrath, he began to listen with more attention to the said Winterblossom, for time stands still with no arguments of Mr. Winterblossom, who entreated man, and while we speak the hour advances. On them not to sully, by private quarrel, the honour they my word, I think this Mr. Tyrrel intends to humbug had that day so happily acquired without either blood
Hey! what's that you say?” said Sir Bingo, once "It was now," he said, "three quarters of an hour more starting from his sullen reverie.
past the time appointed for this person, who calls "I shall not look at my watch upon no such himself Tyrrel, to meet Sir Bingo Binks. Now, inmatter," said the Captain; nor will I any way be stead of standing squabbling here, which serves no disposed to doubt your friend's honour, Mr. Winter- purpose, I propose we should reduce to writing the blossom."
circumstances which attend this affair, for the satisMy friend ?" said Mr. Winterblossom; "I must faction of the company at the Well, and that the metell you once more, Captain, that this Mr. Tyrrel is no morandum shall be regularly attested by our subscripfiiend of mine--none in the world. He is your friend. tions; after which, I shall farther humbly propose Captain MacTurk; and I own, if he keeps us waiting that it be subjected to the revision of the Committee much longer on this occasion, I will be apt to con- of Management." sider his friendship as of very little value."
"I object to any revision of a statement to which "And how dare you, then, say that the man is my name shall be appended," said the Captain. my friend?" said the Captain, knitting his brows in a 'Right-very true, Captain," said the complaisant most formidable manner.
Mr. Winterblossom; “undoubtedly you know best, "Pooh! pooh! Captain," answered Winterblossom, and your signature is completely sufficient to authencoolly, if not contemptuously—“keep all that for ticate this transaction-however, as it is the most silly boys; I have lived in the world too long either important which has occurred since the Spring was
VOL. IV. 3L
established, I propose we shall all sign the procès- cis Tyrrel, or any one in his behalf-which fact we rerbal, as I may ierm it."
make thus publicly known, that all men, and particu"Leave me out, if you please,” said the Doctor, not larly the distinguished company assembled at the Fox much satisfied that both the original quarrel and the Hoiel, may be duly apprized of the character and be by-battle had passed over without any occasion for haviour of the said Francis Tyrrel, in case of his the offices of a Machaon; "leave me out, if you again presuming to intrude himself into the society please; for it does not become me to be ostensibly of persons of honour. concerned in any proceedings, which have had for "The Fox Inn and Hotel, St. Ronan's Welltheir object a breach of the peace. And for the im- August 18–. portance of waiting here for an hour, in a fine after
"Bingo BINKS, noon, it is my opinion there was a more important
"HECTOR MacTurk, service done to the Well of St. Ronan's, when I,
"Philip WINTERBLOSSOM." Quentin Quackleben, M. D., cured Lady Penelope Penfeather of her seventh attack upon the nerves, A little lower followed this separate attestation attended with febrile symptoms.”
"I, Quentin Quackleben, M. D., F. R. S., D. E., "No disparagement to your skill at all, Doctor," B. L, X. Z., &c. &c., being called upon to attest what said Mr. Winterblossom; “ but I conceive the lesson I know in the said matter, do hereby verify, that being which this fellow has received will be a great means by accident at the Buck-stane, near St. Ronan's to prevent improper persons from appearing at the Burn, on this present day, at the hour of one afterSpring hereafter; and, for my part, I shall move that noon, and chancing to remain there for the space of no one be invited to dine at the table in future, till his nearly an hour, conversing with Sir Bingo Binks name is regularly entered as a member of the com- Captain MacTurk, and Mr. Winterblossom, we did pany, in the lists at the public room. And I hope both noi, during that time, see or hear any thing of or Sir Bingo and the Captain will receive the thanks of from the person calling himself Francis Tyrrel, whose the company, for their spirited conduct in expelling presence at that place seemed to be expected by the the intruder.-Sir Bingo, will you allow me to apply gentlemen I have just named." This affiche was to your flask--a little iwinge I feel, owing to the dated like the former, and certified under the august dampness of the grass.
hand of Quentin Quackieben, M. D., &c. &c. &c. Sir Bingo, soothed by the consequence he had ac- Again, and prefaced by the averment that an imquired, readily imparted to the invalid a thimbleful of proper person had been lately introduced into the his cordial, which, we believe, had been prepared by company of St. Ronan's Well, there came forth a some cunning chymist in the wilds of Glenlivat. He legislative enactment, on the part of the Committee then filled a bumper, and extended it towards the declaring, "that no one shall in future be invited to veteran, as an unequivocal symptom of reconcilia- the dinners, or balls, or other entertainments of the tion. The real turbinacious flavour no sooner reached Well, until their names shall be regularly entered in the nose of the Captain, than the beverage was turned the books kept for the purpose at the rooms.
» Lastdown his throat with symptoms of most unequivocally, there was a vote of ihanks to Sir Bingo Binks and applause.
Captain MacTurk for their spirited conduct, and the "I shall have some hope of the young fellows of pains which they had taken to exclude an improper this day," he said, “now that they begin to give up person from the company at St. Ronan's Well. their Dutch and French distilled waters, and stick to These annunciations speedily became the magnet genuine Highland ware. By Cot, it is the only liquor of the day. All idlers crowded to peruse them; and fit for a gentleman to drink in a morning, if he can it would be endless to notice the "God bless me's" have the good fortune to come by it, you see." the "Lord have a care of us"--the "Saw you ever
"Or afier dinner either, Captain," said the Doctor, the like's' of gossips, any more than the "Dear me's" to whom the glass had passed in rotation; "it is and "Oh, laa's" of the nupping misses, and the worth all the wines in France for flavour, and more oaths of the pantalooned or buck-skin'd beaux. The cordial to the system besides."
character of Sir Bingo rose like the stocks at the And now," said the Captain," that we may not news of a despatch from the Duke of Wellington, and, go off the ground with any thing on our stomachs what was extraordinary, attained some consequence worse than the whisky, I can afford to say, (as Cap: even in the estimation of his lady. All shook their tain Hector MacTurk's character is tolerably well heads at the recollection of the unlucky Tyrrel, and established,) that I am sorry for the little diflerence found out much in his manner and address which that has occurred betwixt me and my worthy friend, convinced them that he was but an adventurer and Sir Bingo, here."
swindler. A few, however, less partial to the ComAnd since you are so civil, Captain,” said Sirmittee of Management, (for whenever there is an adBingo, “why, I am sorry too-only it would put the ministration, there will soon arise an opposition) devil out of temper to lose so fine a fishing day-wind whispered among themselves, that, to give the fellow south--fine air on the pool-water settled from the his due, the man, be he what he would, had only flood-just in trim--and I dare say three pairs of come among them, like the devil, when he was calla hooks have passed over my cast before this time!" for; and honest Dame Blower blessed herself when
He closed this elaborate lamentation with a liba- she heard of such blood-thirsty doings as had been tion of the same cordial which he had imparted to his intended, and “thanked God that honest Doctor companions; and they returned in a body to the Kickherben had come to nae harm amang a' their Hotel, where the transactions of the morning were nonsense. soon afterwards announced to the company, by the following program :
CHAPTER XIV. "Sır Bingo Binks, baronet, having found himself aggrieved by the uncivil behaviour of an individual calling himself Francis Tyrrel, now or lately a resi
Clown. I hope here be proofs.- Measure for Measure. dent at the Cleikum Inn, Aultoun of St. Ronan's; The borough of lies, as all the world knows, and having empowered Captain Hector MacTurk to about fourteen miles distant from St. Ronan's, being wait upon the said Mr. Tyrrel 10 demand an apology, the county town of that shire, which, as described in under the alternative of personal satisfaction, accord the Tourist's Guide, numbers among its objects of ing to the laws of honour and the practice of gentle-interest that gay and popular watering-place, whose men, the said Tyrrel voluntarily engaged to meet the fame, no doubt, will be greatly enhanced by the present said Sir Bingo Binks, baronet, ai the Buck-stane annals of its earlier history. As it is at present unne near St. Ronan’s Burn, upon this present day, being cessary to be more particular concerning the scene of Wednesday August. In consequence of which our story, we will fill up the blank left in the first name appointment, we, the undersigned, did attend at the with the Actitious appellation of Marchthorn, having place named, from one o'clock till two, without see- often found ourselves embarrassed in the courae of a ing or hearing any thing whatever of the said Fran- 1 story, by the occurrence of an ugly hiatus, which we
cannot always at first sight fill up, with the proper / skin, and a black silk bonnet, trimmed with crape, reference to ihe rest of the narrative.
were garments which did not now excite the respect, Marchthorn, then, was an old-fashioned Scottish which in their fresher days they had doubtless comtown, the street of which, on market-day, showed a manded. But there was that in the features of the reasonable number of stout great-coated yeomen, bar- wearer, which would have commanded Mr. Bindtering or dealing for the various commodities of their loose's best regard, though it had appeared in far farms; and on other days of the week, only a few worse attire; for he beheld the face of an ancient forlorn burghers, crawling about like half-awakened customer, who had always paid her law expenses flies, and watching the town steeple till the happy with ready penny, and whose accompt with the sound of twelve strokes from Time's oracle should bank was balanced by a very respectable sum at her tell them it was time to take their meridian dram. credit. It was, indeed, no other than our respected The narrow windows of the shops intimated very im- friend, Mrs. Dods of the Cleikum Inn, St. Ronan's, perfectly the miscellaneous contents of the interior, Aultoun. where every merchant, as the shopkeepers of March- Now her arrival intimated matter of deep import. thorn were termed, more Scotico, sold every thing Meg was a person of ali others most averse to leave that could be thought of. As for manufactures, there he home, where in her own opinion at least, nothing were none, except that of the careful Town-Council, went on well without her immediate superintendence. who were mightily busied in preparing the warp and Limited, therefore, as was her sphere, she remained woof, which, at the end of every five or six years, the fixed in the centre thereof; and few as were her sateltown of Marchtharn contributed, for the purpose of lites, they were under the necessity of performing weaving the fourth or fifth part of a member of Par- their revolutions around her, while she herself conliament.
tinued stationary. Saturn, in fact, would be scarce In such a town, it usually happens, that the Sheriff-more surprised at a passing call from the Sun, than clerk, especially supposing him agent for several lairds Mr. Bindloose at this unexpected visit of his old client. of the higher order, is possessed of one of the best. In one breath he rebuked ihe inquisitive impertinence looking houses; and such was that of Mr. Bindloose. of his clerks, in another stimulated his housekeeper, None of the smartness of the brick-built and brass- old Hannah-for Mr. Bindloose was a bluti bachelor hammered mansion of a southern attorney appeared to get tea ready in the green parlour; and while indeed in this mansion, which was a tall, thin, grim- yet speaking, was at the side of the whiskey, unclasplooking building, in the centre of the town, with nar- ing the curtains, rolling down the apron, and assistrow windows and projecting gables, notched into that ing his old friend to dismount. sort of descent, called crow-steps, and having the The japanned tea-caddie, Hannah-the best bohea lower casements defended by stancheons of iron; for -bid Tib kindle a spark of fire-the morning's damp Mr. Bindloose, as frequently happens, kept a branch | --Draw in the giggling faces of ye, ye d-d idle of one of the two national banks, which had been scoundrels, or laugh at your ain toom pouches-it lately established in the town of Marchthorn. will be lang or your weeldoing fill them." This was
Towards the door of this tenement, there advanced spoken, as the honest lawyer himself might have slowly up the ancient, but empty streets of this famous said, in transitu, the rest by the side of the carriage. borough, a vehicle, which, had it appeared in Picca- My stars, Mrs. Dods, and is this really your ain dilly, would have furnished unremitted laughter for a sell, in propria persona ?-Wha lookit for you at week, and conversation for a twelve month. It was such a time of day?-Anthony, how's a' wi ye, a two-wheeled vehicle, which claimed none of the Anthony?--so ye hae taen the road again, Anthony modern appellations of tilbury, tandem, dennet, or the --help us down wi' the apron, Anthony—that will like; but aspired only to the humble naine of that do.-Lean on me, Mrs. Dods-help, your mistress; almost forgotten accommodation, a whiskey; or, ac- Anthony--put the horses in my stable--the lads will cording to some authorities, a tim-whiskey. Green give you the key.-Come away, Mrs. Dods—I am was, or had been, its original colour, and it was placed blithe to see you straight your legs on the causeway sturdily and safely low upon its little old-fashioned of our auld borough again-come in by, and we'll see wheels, which bore much less than the usual propor- to get you some breakfast, for ye hae been asteer tion to the size of the carriage which they sustained. early this morning." It had a calash head, which had been pulled up, in "I am a sair trouble to you, Mr. Bindloose,” said consideration either to the dampness of the morning the old lady, accepting the offer of his arm, and air or to the retiring delicacy of the fair form, which, accompanying him into the house; "I am e'en a sair shrouded by leathern curtains, tenanted this venerable trouble to you, but I could not rest till I had your specimen of antediluvian coach-building.
advice on something of moment." But, as this fair and modest dame no way aspired “Happy will I be to serve you, my gude auld to the skill of a charioteer, the management of a horse, ) acquaintance," said the Clerk; but sit you downwhich seemed as old as the carriage he drew, was in sit you down-sit you down, Mrs. Dods--meat and the exclusive charge of an old fellow in a postilion's mess never hindered wark. Ye are something jacket, whose gray hairs escaped on each side of an overcome wi' your travel the spirit cannot aye old-fashioned velvet jockey-cap, and whose left shoul- bear through the flesh, Mrs. Dods; ye should reder was so considerably elevated above his head, that member that your life is a precious one, and ye it seemed as if, with little effort, his neck might have should take care of your health, Mrs. Dods." heen tucked under his arm, like that of a roasted “My life precious?” exclained Meg Dods; "nane grouse-cock., This gallant equerry was mounted on o' your whüllywhaing, Mr. Bindloose-Deil ane wad a steed as old as that which toiled betwixt the shafts miss the auld girning alewife, Mr. Bindloose, unless of the carriage, and which he giuded by a leading rein. it were here and there a puir body, and maybe the Goading one animal with his single spur, and stimu- auld house-tyke, that wadna be sae weel guided, puir lating the other with his whip, he effected a reason- fallow." able trot upon the causeway, which only terminated ."Fie, fie! Mrs. Dods," said the Clerk, in a tone of when the whiskey stopped at Mr. Bindloose's door-an friendly rebuke; "it vexes an auld friend to hear ye event of importance enough to excite the curiosity of speak of yourself in that respectless sort of a way; the inhabitants of that and the neighbouring houses. and, as for quitting us, I bless God I have not seen Wheels were laid aside, needles left sticking in the you look better this half score of years. But maybe half-finished seams, and many a nose, spectacled and you will be thinking of setting your house in order, unspectacled, was popped out of the adjoining win- which is the act of a careful and of a Christian dows, which had the good fortune to command a woman-0! it's an awful thing to die intestate, if view of Mr. Bindloose's front door. The faces of two we had grace to consider it." or three giggling clerks were visible at the barred Aweel, I daur say I'll consider that some day casements of which we have spoken, much amused soon Mr. Bindloose; but that's no my present at the descent of an old lady from this respectable errand." carriage, whose dress and appcarance might possibly "Be it what it like, Mrs. Dods, ye are right heartily have been fashionable at the time when her equipage welcome here, and we have a' the day to speak of was new. A satin cardinal, lined with gray squirrels' the business in hand-festina lente, that is the true