"Five," replied the father, "and I was running for the doctor for my wife, when these gentlemen". "The doctor! Oh! no wonder, d-n me !" said Slap, "that gentlemen like us are ground to the dust by taxes, when idle ragamuffins like you bring such large families about us." "But for such villains, I could keep my foxhounds," said Rowdow. "And you're a tailor, eh? Who's your master ?" "Mr. Zweifler," said the man; "if you'll only go to him," "Better let the fellow go," was the advice of Cramlington; "he's going for the doctor; consider his poor wife." "Why, you atrocious wretch, that will make six children. Horrible!" cried young Plucky. "Don't let him go before he gives us pledges.” "I'll give you anything, gentlemen; but do consider my wife," said Tape. "Well, then, if we let you go this time," questioned lord Slap, "will you promise this honourable company never to do so any more?" "I'll promise anything, sir, that a man should promise," cried the tailor. "Man! You a man-if you dare to entertain such an opinion," and lord Slap shook Tape by the collar, who promised for the future to eschew such conceit, if the honourable company would but suffer him to depart. "Stop, Slap; don't let him go yet," cried Rumpus, "as all of us are in the Education Com-. mission," and Tom winked at his friends, "it is our duty to get pledges for the new baby. Now, Mr. Tape; if you should be blessed with a son, will you give us your solemn word not to make the child a member of parliament?" "La! gentlemen," answered the simple Tape, "I hope to bring the child up to some honest trade, I shouldn't think of any thing else." "Will you promise not to compel the boy to be a general officer?" asked Rowdow. "Or a lord chancellor ?" said Plucky. "He shall be nothing, if you'll let me go, gentlemen," said Tape. "No tailor can promise more;" said Smasherton, "let him go." Stop," cried Rumpus, "if you're a true tailor, you have a needle about you; so, without another word, write us the promise in your blood." "I-I can't write, gentlemen. Oh! my poor wife," and the wretched little man lifted up his hands entreatingly. "Vanish, then!" cried Slap, "but mind, you outlawed rascal, mind, you never do so again." A way was made for the tailor to the door, and with the agility of a grasshopper the little man skipped from his tormentors, all of whom save Cramlington laughed immoderately at the adventure. “There, now," exclamed Slap, "if that isn't wit, I don't know what wit is." 66 "Well, what's to be done now?" asked Rumpus. Why, Cram, you look as lively as old Laocoon." "Do you know," said Plucky, "I'm afraid that we have unconsciously given pain to one of Mr. Cramlington's relations." "My relation, sir?" asked Cramlington, stammering and blushing. Yes; to Mr. Maximilian Tape : I'm sure he must have been a younger brother at least, you seem so devilishly affected." "Mr. Plucky," cried Cramlington, his eyes flashing fire, "we are comparatively strangers,— still, sir, permit me to hope that you do not wish to insult me. You do not really mean to insinuate that I'm any relation to that"— "Ha! ha! Why, really, Mr. Cramlington," said Plucky, "I did but joke—I—of course, I should as soon think you the son and heir of a darning needle." Mr. Cramlington instantly seized Mr. Plucky's hand, pressing it with great warmth of feeling. "But what makes you, Cram, so very bilious in your mirth?" "Why, the truth is," said Slap, "poor Cram's in love." "Now, my lord-my dear lord," cried Cramlington, "I-there are sacred subjects, my lord." "To be sure; talking of sacred subjects," said his lordship, "I have that old rascal's door-plate in my pocket-there, Cram, it's at your service," and lord Slap flung a brass-plate, with "Zweifler" on it, upon the table. "Bet a hundred I wrench off door-plate or knocker with any born gentleman in the kingdom." 66 Really, my lord," said Cramlington, “I hope we're not going too far: I trust that in these attacks on private property,❞— "Private property! D-n it! if you're getting sentimental," cried his lordship, "I've done with you. Come, gentlemen-another turn, and then soberly to bed at four. Farewell, Cram,-I suppose you'll stop at home and take gruel to-night?" "I am not very well, my lord-if you could do without me," and Cramlington looked imploringly. "We'll try-come, gentlemen;" and Slap having donned a hat, the property of Cramlington, quitted the chamber, followed by his sprightly companions, who, we regret to state, did not couple the name of their domestic friend with the most respectful epithets. "Not thorough-bred, I should say," observed young Plucky, "no, under-bred, depend upon it— as I'm a gentleman, under-bred." In quitting the party to return to Cramlington, it may be an equal matter of surprise and gratification to the reader to learn, that the distinguished individuals, after a fruitless search for humour, retired at an unusually early hour, soberly to bed. Mr. Cramlington sat in a pensive mood, with his eye upon Zweifler's violated door-plate. At length, he condescended to address his servant. “I—I don't think this proceeding quite right. What do you think, John?" Why, sir, in a poor man I should call it highway-robbery; as it is, sir, I can't give an opinion. Only this, sir, I would advise you not to let the property be found on the premises. Pray, sir, will you allow me to ask you a question?" Cramlington bowed assent. "How long may it be before you think of getting married? I wouldn't leave you for the world, sir; but, really, lord Slap puts a poor man's character quite at stake." "You are right, John; I ought to marry: I have seen enough of society-had enough to do with titled men. After all, what is there in a title? For as I said, in a song I wrote when quite a boy The rank is but the guinea's stamp, |