THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE.

ACT I.

SCENE I-A Room.

Enter WOODLEY and DIMITY, L.

Dim. Poh! poh!-no such thing, I tell you, Mr. Woodley; you are a mere novice in these affairs.

Wood. Nay, but listen to reason, Mrs. Dimity ;-has not your master. Mr. Drugget, invited me down to his country seat, in order to give me his daughter Nancy in marriage; and with what pretence can he now break off?

Dim. What pretence !-you put a body out of all patience-But go on your own way, sir; my advice is all lost upon you.

Wood. You do me injustice, Mrs. Dimity-your advice has governed my whole conduct. Have not I fixed an interest in the young lady's heart?

Dim. An interest in a fiddlestick!-you ought to have made love to the father and mother!-What, do you think the way to get a wife, at this time of day, is by speaking fine things to the lady you have a fancy for?-That was the practice, indeed; but things are altered now :-you must address the old people, sir; and never trouble your head about your mistress.-None of your letters, and verses, and soft looks, and fine speeches," Have compassion, thou angelic creature, on a poor dying"-Pshaw! stuff! nonsense! all out of fashion!-Go your ways to the old curmudgeon; humour his whims-" I shall esteem it an honour, sir, to be allied to a gentleman of your rank and aste."-66 Upon my word, he's a pretty young gentleman."-Then wheel about to the mother: "Your

your

daughter, ma'am, is the very model of you, and I shall adore her for your sake."-" Here, come hither, Nancy, take this gentleman for better or worse." La, mamma, I can never consent !"-"I should not have thought of consent the consent of your relations is enough: why, how now, hussey!" So away you go to church, the knot is tied, an agreeable honeymoon follows, the charm is then dissolved; you go to all the clubs in St. James's street: your lady goes to the Coterie; and, in a little time, you both go to Doctors' Commons! and, if faults on both sides prevent a divorce, you'll quarrel like contrary elements all the rest of your lives: That's the way of the world now. Wood. But you know, my dear Dimity, the old couple have received every mark of attention from me.

Dim. Attention! to be sure you did not fall asleep in heir company; but what then? You should have entered into their characters, played with their humours, and sacrificed to their absurdities.

Wood. But if my temper is too frank

Dim. Frank, indeed! yes, you have been frank enough to ruin yourself.-Have you not to do with a rich old shopkeeper, retired from business with an hundred thousand pounds in his pocket, to enjoy the dust of the London road, which he calls living in the country--and yet you must find fault with his situation !-What if he has made a ridiculous gimcrack of his house and gardens, you know his heart is set upon it; and could not you commend his taste! But you must be too frank !—“ Those walks and alleys are too regular,-those evergreens should not be cut into such fantastic shapes,”—and thus you advise a poor old mechanic, who delights in everything that's monstrous, to follow nature!-Oh, you are likely to be a successful lover!

Wood. But why should I not save a father-in-law from being a laughing-stock?

Dim. Make him your father-in-law first.

Wood. Why, he can't open his windows for the dust→ he stands all day looking through a pane of glass, at the carts and stage coaches as they pass by; and he calls that living in the fresh air, and enjoying his own thoughts!

Dim. And could you not let him go on his own way? You have ruined yourself by talking sense to him; and

all your nonsense to the daughter won't make amends for it. And then the mother: how have you played your cards in that quarter?-She wants a tinsel man of fashion for her second daughter-" Don't you see," says she, "how happy my eldest girl is made by marrying Sir Charles Racket? She has been married three entire weeks, and not so much as one angry word has passed between them.-Nancy shall have a man of quality, too!" Wood. And yet I know Sir Charles Racket perfectly well.

Dim. Yes, so do I; and I know he'll make his lady wretched at last-but what then? You should have humoured the old folks,-you should have been a talking, empty fop, to the good old lady; and to the old gentleman, an admirer of his taste in gardening. But you have lost him-he is grown fond of his beau Lovelace, who is here in the house with him: the coxcomb ingratiates himself by flattery, and you are undone by frankness.

Wood. And yet, Dimity, I won't despair.

Dim. And yet you have reason to despair; a million of reasons. To-morrow is fixed for the wedding-day; Sir Charles and his lady are to be here this very night-they are engaged, indeed, at a great rout in town, but they take a bed here, notwithstanding; the family is sitting up for them; Mr. Drugget will keep you all up in the next room there, till they arrive; and to-morrow the business is over-and yet you don't despair! Hush!-hold your tongue; here comes Lovelace. Step in, and I'll advise something, I warrant you. [Exit Woodley, M. D.] The old folks shall not have their own way;-'tis enough to vex a body, to see an old father and mother marrying their daughter as they please, in spite of all I can do.

[Exit, M. D. Enter DRUGGET and LOVELACE, L. Drug. And so you like my house and gardens, Mr. Lovelace?

Love. Oh! perfectly, sir; they gratify my taste of all things. One sees villas where nature reigns in a wild kind of simplicity; but then they have no appearance of art,-no art at all.

Drug. Very true, rightly distinguished;-now mine is all art; no wild 1 ature here; I did it myself.

Love. What! had you none of the great proficients in gardening to assist you?

Drug. Lack-a-day! no,-ha! ha! I understand these things-I love my garden. The front of my house, Mr. Lovelace is not that very pretty?

Love. Elegant to a degree!

Drug. Don't you like the sun-dial, placed just by my dining-room windows?

Love. A perfect beauty!

Drug. I knew you'd like it; and the motto is so well adapted.-Tempus edax and index rerum. And I know the meaning of it-Time eateth and discovereth all things,-ha! ha! pretty, Mr. Lovelace!-I have seen people so stare at it as they pass by,-ha! ha!

Love. Why, now, I don't believe there's a nobleman in the kingdom has such a thing.

Drug. Oh, no;-they have got into a false taste. I bought that bit of ground the other side of the road,—and it looks very pretty.—I made a duck-pond there, for the sake of the prospect.

Love. Charmingly imagined!

Drug. My leaden images are well

Love. They exceed ancient statuary.

Drug. I love to be surprised at the turning of a walk with an inanimate figure, that looks you full in the face, and can say nothing to you, while one is enjoying one's own thoughts-ha! ha!-Mr. Lovelace, I'll point out a beauty to you. Just by the haw-haw, at the end of my ground, there is a fine Dutch figure with a scythe in his hand, and a pipe in his mouth ;-that's a jewel, Mr. Lovelace.

Love. That escaped me: a thousand thanks for pointing it out-I observe you have two very fine yew-trees before the house.

Drug. Lack-a-day, sir, they look uncouth;-I have a design about them :-I intend,-ha! ha! it will be very pretty, Mr. Lovelace-I intend to have them cut into the shape of the two giants at Guildhall-ha! ha!

Love. Nobody understands these things like you, Mr. Drugget.

Drug. Lack-a-day! it's all my delight now;-this is what I have been working for. I have a great improve

ment to make still,-I propose to have my evergreens cut into fortifications; and then I shall have the Moro Castle, and the Havanna; and then near it shall be ships of myrtle, sailing upon seas of box to attack the town: won't that make my place look very rural, Mr. Lovelace?

Love. Why, you have the most fertile invention, Mr. Drugget

go

Drug. Ha! ha! this is what I have been working for. I love my garden,—but I must beg your pardon for a few moments;—I must step and speak with a famous nurseryman, who is come to offer me some choice things.-Do and join the company, Mr. Lovelace,-my daughter Racket and Sir Charles will be here presently;-I shan't go to bed till I see 'em-ha! ha!-My place is prettily variegated,—this is what I have been working for;-I fined for sheriff to enjoy these things-ha! ha! [Exit, R.

Love. Poor Mr. Drugget! Mynheer Van Thundertentrunck, in his little box at the side of a dyke, has as much taste and elegance. However, if I can but carry off his daughter, if I can but rob his garden of that flower-why, I then shall say, "This is what I have been working for." Enter DIMITY, M. D.

Dim. Do lend us your assistance, Mr. Lovelace ;— you're a sweet gentleman, and love a good-natured action. Love. Why, how now! what's the matter?

Dim. My master is going to cut the two yew-trees into the shape of two devils, 1 believe; and my poor mistress is breaking her heart for it. Do run and advise him against it; she is your friend, you know she is, sir.

Love. Oh, if that's all,-I'll make that matter easy directly.

Dim. My mistress will be for ever obliged to you; and you'll marry her daughter in the morning.

Love. Oh, my rhetoric shall dissuade him.

Dim. And, sir, put him against dealing with that nurseryman; Mrs. Drugget hates him.

Love. Does she?

Dim. Mortally.

Love. Say no more-the business is done.

[Exit, R.

Dim. If he says one word, old Drugget will never forgive him. My brain was at its last shift; but if this plot takes-So, here comes our Nancy.