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Love. What! had you none of the great proficients in gardening to assist you ?
Drug. Lack-a-day! no,-ha! ha! I understand these things :-I love my garden. The front of my bouse, Mr. Lovelace-is not that very pretty ?
Love. Elegant to a degree !
Drug. Don't you like the sun-dial, placed just by my dining-room windows ?
Love. A perfect beauty!
Drug. I knew you'd like it; and the motto is so well adapted. — Tempus edax and index rerum. And I know the meaning of it :- Time eateth and discovereth all things,-ha! ha! pretty, Mr. Lovelace !-I have seen people so stare at it as they pass by,-ha! ha!
Love. Why, now, I don't believe there's a nobleman in the kingdom has such a thing.
Drug. Oh, no ;-they have got into a false taste. I bought that bit of ground the other side of the road,--and it looks very pretty.-I made a duck-pond there, for the sake of the prospect.
Love. Charmingly imagined !
Drug. I love to be surprised at the turning of a walk with an inanimate figure, that looks you full in the face, and can say nothing to you, while one is enjoying one's own thoughts--ha! ha!-Mr. Lovelace, I'll point out a beauty to you. Just by the haw-haw, at the end of my ground, there is a fine Dutch figure with a scythe in his hand, and a pipe in his mouth ;-that's a jewel, Mr. Lovelace.
Love. That escaped me : a thousand thanks for point. ing it out-I observe you have two very fine yew-trees before the house.
Drug. Lack-a-day, sir, they look uncouth ;-I have a design about them :-I intend,-ha! ha! it will be very preity, Mr. Lovelace-I intend to have then cut into the shape of the two giants at Guildhall-ha! ha!
Love. Nobody understands these things like you, Mr. Drugget.
Drug. Lack-a-day! it's all my delight now; this is what I have been working for. I have a great iioprove.
ment to make still,—I propose to have my evergreens cut into fortifications; and then I shall have the Moro Castle, and the Havanna ; and then near it shall be ships of myrtle, sailing upon seas of box to attack the town: won't that make my place look very rural, Mr. Lovelace ?
Love. Why, you have the most fertile invention, Mr. Drugget
Drug. Ha! ha! this is what I have been working for. I love my garden,- but I must beg your pardon for a few moments ;-I must step and speak with a famous nurseryman, who is come to offer me some choice things.-Do go and join the company, Mr. Lovelace ---my daughter Racket and Sir Charles will be here presently ;-I shan't go to bed till I see 'em-ha! ha! My place is prettily variegated,--this is what I have been working for ;-I fined for sheriff to enjoy these things ha! ha! Exit, R.
Love. Poor Mr. Drugget! Mynheer Van Thundertentrunck, in his little box at the side of a dyke, has as much taste and elegance.--However, if I can but carry off his daughter, if I can but rob his garden of that flower—why, I then shall say, “ This is what I have been working for.'
Enter DIMITY, M. D. Dim. Do lend us your assistance, Mr. Lovelace ;you're a sweet gentleman, and love a good-natured action,
Love. Why, how now! what's the matter ?
Dim. My master is going to cut the two yew-trees into the shape of two devils, 1 believe; and my poor mistress is breaking her heart for it. Do run and advise him against it ;-—she is your friend, you know she is, sir.
Love. Oh, if that's all, --I'll make that matter easy directly. Dim. My mistress will be for ever obliged to you ;
and you'll marry her daughter in the morning.
Love. Oh, my rhetoric shall dissuade him.
Dim. And, sir, put him against dealing with that nurseryman; Mrs. Drugget hates him.
Love, Does she ?
Dim. If he says one word, old Drugget will never forgive him.--My brain was at its last shift; but if this plot takegSo, here comes our Nancy.
Enter NANCY, L.
Dim. My stars ! what makes you up, Miss ?—I thought you were gone to bed!
Nan. What should I go to bed for? Only to tumble and toss, and fret, and be uneasy-they are going to marry me, and I am frightened out of my wits !
Dim. Why, then, you're the only young lady within fifty miles round, that would be frightened at such a thing.
Nan. Ah! if they would let me choose for myself.
Nan. My mamma does, but I don't! I don't mind his being a man of fashion, not I.
Dim. And, pray, can you do better than follow the fashion ?
Nan. Ah! I know there is a fashion for new bonnets, and a fashion for dressing the hair ;-but I never heard of a fashion for the heart.
Dim. Why, then, my dear, the heart mostly follows the fashion now.
Nan. Does it?-pray, who sets the fashion of the heart? Dim. All the fine ladies in London, o' my conscience. Nan. And what's the last new fashion, pray ?
Dim. Why, to marry any fop that has a few deceitful agreeable appearances about him; something of a pert phrase, a good operator for the teeth, and a tolerable tailor.
Nan. And do they marry without loving?
Dim. Oh! marrying for love has been a great while out of fashion.
Nan. Why, then, I'll wait till that fashion comes up again. Dim. And then, Mr. Lovelace, I reckon
Nan. Pshaw! I don't like him: he talks to me as if he was the most miserable man in the world, and the confident thing looks so pleased with himself all the while.I want to marry for love, and not for card-playing—I should not be able to bear the life my sister leads with Sir Charles Racket-and I'll forfeit
my new cap, don't quarrel soon.
Dim. Oh, fie! no! they won't quarrel yet awhile.--A
quarrel in three weeks after marriage, would be s imewhat of the quickest—By and by we shall hear of their whims and their humours—Well, but if you don't like Mr. Lovelace, what say you to Mr. Woodley? Nan. Ah! I don't know what to say.
Enter Woodley, M. D. Wood. My sweetest angel! I have heard all, and my heart overflows with love and gratitude.
Nan. Ah! but I did not know you was listening. You should not have betrayed me so, Dimity: I shall be angry
Dim. Well, I'll take my chance for that.-Run both into my room, and say all your pretty things to one another there, for here comes the old gentleman-make
[Eceunt Woodley and Nancy, M. D.
Enter DruGGET, R. Drug. A forward, presuming coxcomb !-Dimity, do you step to Mrs. Drugget, and send her hither.
Dim. Yes, sir;—it works upon him, I see. [Erit, L.
Drug. The yew-trees ought not to be cut, because they'll help to keep off the dust, and I am too near the road already—a sorry, ignorant fop !—When I am in so fine a situation, and can see every carriage that goes by. And then to abuse the nurseryman's rarities !--A finer sucking pig in lavender, with sage growing in his belly, was never seen!-And yet he wants me not to have it But have it I will.— There's a fine tree of knowledge, too, with Adam and Eve in juniper; Eve's nose is not quite grown, but it is thought in the spring will be very forward -I'll have that, too, with the serpent in ground ivy-two poets in wormwood—I'll have them both. Ay; and there's à Lord Mayor's feast in honey-suckle ; and the whole Court of Aldermen in hornbeam : they all shall be in my garden, with the Dragon of Wantley, in box-all-allI'lj have 'em all, let my wife and Mr. Lovelace say what they will
Enter Mrs. DRUGGET, L. Mrs. D. Did you send for me, lovey?
Drug. The yew-trees shall be cut into the giants of Ciuildhall, whether you will or not.
Mrs. D. Sure, my own dear will do as he pleases.
Drug. And the pond, though you praise the green banks, shall be walled round, and I'll have a little fat buy in marble, spouting up water in the middle.
Nlrs. D. My sweet, who hinders you ?
Drug. Yes, and I'll buy the nurseryman's whole cata. logue ;-Do you think, after retiring to live all the way here, almost four miles from London, that I won't do as I please in my own garden ? Mrs. D. My dear, but why are you in such a passion ?
Drug. l'll have the lavender pig, and the Adam and Eve, and the Dragon of Wantley, and all of 'em-and there shan't be a more romantic spot on the London road than mine.
Mrs. D. I'm sure it's as pretty as hands can make it.
Drug. I did it all niyself, and I'll do more--And Mr. Lovelace shan't have my daughter.
Mrs. D. No! what's the matter now, Mr. Drugget ?
Drug. He shall learn better manners than to abuse my house and gardens.—You put him in the head of it, but I'll disappoint you both—And so you may go and tell Mr. Lovelace that the match is quite off.
Mrs. D. I can't comprehend all this, pot 1,—but I'll tell him so, if you please, my dear-I am willing to give myself pain, if it will give you pleasure : must I give myself pain ?-Don't ask me, pray don't :—I don't like pain.
Drug. I am resolved, and it shall be so.
Mrs. D. Let it be so, then. [Cries.] Oh! oh! cruel man! I shall break my heart if the match is broke off ;if it is not concluded to-morrow, send for an undertaker, and bury me the next day.
Drug. How ! I don't want that, neither-
Drug. I am your lord and master, my dear, but not your executioner—Before George, it must never be said, that my wife died of too much compliance--Cheer up, my love—and this affair shall be settled as soon as Sir Charles and Lady Racket arrive.
Mrs. D. You bring me to life again-You know, my sweet, what a happy couple Sir Charles and his lady are - Why should not we make our Nancy as happy?