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SIR CHARLES RACKET.-Blue coat, white waistcoat and broeches.
EXITS AND ENTRANCES. R. means Right ; L. Left; R. D. Right Door; L. D. Left Door ; 8. E. Second Entrance ; U. E. Upper Entrance; M. D. Middle Door.
RELATIVE POSITIONS. R., means Right; L., Left; C., Centre; R. C., Right of Centre; L. C., Left of Centre.
Prissages marked with Inverted Commas are usually omitted in the
THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE.
Scene I.-A Room.
Enter Woodley and DIMITY, L. Dim. Poh! poh!--no such thing, I tell you, Mr. Wood- . ley; you are a mere novice in these affairs.
Vovil. Nay, but listen to reason, Mrs. Dimity ;-has not your master. Mr. Drugget, invited me down to his country seat, in order to give me his daughter Nancy in marriage ; and with what pretence can he now break off?
Dim. What pretence !--you put a body out of all patience-But
on your own way, sir; my advice is all lost upon you.
IVood. You do me injustice, Mrs. Dimity—your advice has governed my whole conduct. Have not I fixed an interest in the young lady's heart ?
Dim. An interest in a fiddlestick !-you ought to have made love to the father and mother !- What, do think the way to get a wife, at this time of day, is by speaking fine things to the lady you have a fancy for ?—That was the practice, indeed, but things are altered now :-you must address the old people, sir; and never trouble your head about your mistress.—None of your letters, and verses, and soft looks, and fine speechies,—“ Have compassion, thou angelic creature, on a poor dying"-Pshaw! stutt'! nonsense! all out of fashion !-Go your ways to the old curmudgeon; humour his whims.-" I shall esteem it an honour, sir, to be allied to a gentleman of your rauk and aste.”- Upon my word, he's a pretty young gentleman." Then wheel about to the mother :
daughter, ma’am, is the very model of you, and I shall adore her for your sake.”- Here, come hither, Nancy, take this gentleman for better or worse." La, mamma, I can never consent !”—“I should not have thought of
your consent-the consent of
relations is enough : why, how now, hussey !" So away you go to church, the knot is tied, an agreeable honeymoon follows, the charm is then dissolved; you go to all the clubs in St. James's street : your lady goes to the Coterie ; and, in a little time, you both go to Doctors' Commons ! and, if faults on both sides prevent a divorce, you'll quarrel like contrary elements all the rest of your lives: That's the way of the world now.
Wood. But you know, my dear Dimity, the old couple have received every mark of attention from me.
Dim. Attention! to be sure you did not fall asleep in their company; but what then? You should have entered into their characters, played with their humours, and sacrificed to their absurdities.
Wood. But if my temper is too frank
Dim. Frank, indeed! yes, you have been frank enough to ruin yourself.—Have you not to do with a rich old shopkeeper, retired from business with an hundred thousand pounds in his pocket, to enjoy the dust of the London road, which he calls living in the country--and yet you must find fault with his situation !—What if he has made a ridiculous gimcrack of his house and gardens, you know his heart is set upon it; and could not you commend his taste? But you must be too frank !-" Those walks and alleys are too regular,—those evergreens should not be cut into such fantastic shapes,”—and thus you advise a poor old mechanic, who delights in everything that's monstrous, to follow nature !-Oh, you are likely to be a successful lover!
Wood. But why should I not save a father-in-law from being a laughing-stock ?
Dim. Make him your father-in-law first.
Wood. Why, he can't open his windows for the dusthe stands all day looking through a pane of glass, at the carts and stage coaches as they pass by; and fie calls that living in the fresh air, and enjoying his own thc ughts ! Dim. And could you not let him go on liis own way
? You have ruined yourse! by talking sense to him; and all your nonsense to the daughter won't make amends for it. And then the mother: how have you played your cards in that quarter?-She wants a tinsel man of fashion for her second daughter-"Don't you see," says she, " how happy my eldest girl is made by marrying Sir Charles Racket? She has been married three entire weeks, and not so much as one angry word has passed between them.-Nancy shall have a man of quality, too!”
Woud. And yet I know Sir Charles Racket perfectly well.
Dim. Yes, so do I; and I know he'll make his lady wretched at last but what then ? You should have humoured the old folks,--you should have been a talking, empty fop, to the good old lady; and to the old gentleman, an admirer of his taste in gardening. But you have lost him-he is grown fond of his beau Lovelace, who is here in the house with him: the coxcomb ingratiates himself by flattery, and you are undone by frankness.
Wood. And yet, Dimity, I won't despair. Dim. And yet you have reason to despair ; a million of reasons. To-morrow is fixed for the wedding-day; Sir Charles and his lady are to be here this very night--they are engaged, indeed, at a great rout in town, but they take a bed here, notwithstanding; the family is sitting up for them; Mr. Drugget will keep you all up in the next room there, till they arrive; and to-morrow the business is over--and yet you don't despair! Hush !-hold your tongue; here comes Lovelace. Step in, and I'll advise something, I warrant you. (Exit Woodley, M. p.] The old folks shall not have their own way ;--'tis enough to vex a body, to see an old father and mother marrying their daughter as they please, in spite of all I can do.
(Exit, M. D. Enter DRUGGET and LOVELACE, L. Drug. And so you like my house and gardens, Mr. Lovelace?
Love. Oh! perfectly, sir; they gratify my taste of all things. One sees villas where nature reigns in a wild kind of simplicity; but then they have no appearance of art, no art at all,
Drug. Very true, rightly distinguished ;-now mine is all art; uo wild r eture here; I did it myself.