ARGUMENT OF THE FIRST BOOK.
Historical deduction of seats, from the stool to the Sofa. A Schoolboy's ramble.-A walk in the country. The scene described-Rural sounds as well as sights delightful.-Another walk.Mistake concerning the charms of solitude corrected.-Colonnades commended.—Alcove, and the view from it.-The wilderness.-The grove.The thresher. The necessity and the benefits of exercise. The works of nature superior to, and in some instances inimitable by, art.-The wearisomeness of what is commonly called a life of pleasure.-Change of scene sometimes expedient. -A common described, and the character of crazy Kate introduced.-Gipsies.-The blessings of civilised life. That state most favourable to virtue. The South Sea islanders compassionated, but chiefly Omai.-His present state of mind supposed.-Civilised life friendly to virtue, but not great cities. Great cities, and London in particular, allowed their due praises, but censured.Fête champêtre.-The book concludes with a reflection on the fatal effects of dissipation and effeminacy upon our public measures.
1 SING the Sofa. I, who lately sang
Truth, Hope, and Charity,* and touch'd with awe The solemn chords, and with a trembling hand, Escaped with pain from that adventurous flight, Now seek repose upon an humbler theme; The theme though humble, yet august and proud The occasion-for the Fair commands the song.
Time was, when clothing sumptuous or for use, Save their own painted skins, our sires had none. As yet black breeches were not; satin smooth, Or velvet soft, or plush with shaggy pile: The hardy chief upon the rugged rock Wash'd by the sea, or on the gravelly bank Thrown up by wintry torrents roaring loud, Fearless of wrong, reposed his wearied strength. Those barbarous ages past, succeeded next The birth-day of Invention; weak at first, Dull in design, and clumsy to perform. Joint-stools were then created; on three legs Upborne they stood. Three legs upholding firm A massy slab, in fashion square or round. On such a stool immortal Alfred sat, And sway'd the sceptre of his infant realms: And such in ancient halls and mansions drear
See Poems, pages 38, 74, 94.
May still be seen; but perforated sore, And drill'd in holes, the solid oak is found, By worms voracious eaten through and through. At length a generation more refined
Improved the simple plan; made three legs four, Gave them a twisted form vermicular,
And o'er the seat, with plenteous wadding stuff'd, Induced a splendid cover, green and blue, Yellow and red, of tapestry richly wrought And woven close, or needle-work sublime. There might ye see the piony spread wide, The full-blown rose, the shepherd and his lass, Lap-dog and lambkin with black staring eyes, And parrots with twin cherries in their beak. Now came the cane from India, smooth and bright With Nature's varnish; sever'd into stripes, That interlaced each other, these supplied Of texture firm a lattice-work, that braced The new machine, and it became a chair. But restless was the chair; the back erect Distress'd the weary loins, that felt no ease; The slippery seat betray'd the sliding part, That press'd it, and the feet hung dangling down, Anxious in vain to find the distant floor.
These for the rich; the rest, whom Fate had placed In modest mediocrity, content
With base materials, sat on well-tann'd hides, Obdurate and unyielding, glassy smooth, With here and there a tuft of crimson yarn, Or scarlet crewel, in the cushion fix'd,
If cushion might be call'd, what harder seem'd Than the firm oak, of which the frame was form'd. No want of timber then was felt or fear'd In Albion's happy isle. The lumber stood Ponderous and fix'd by its own massy weight. But elbows still were wanting; these, some say, An alderman of Cripplegate contrived; And some ascribe the invention to a priest, Burly, and big, and studious of his ease. But rude at first, and not with easy slope
Receding wide, they press'd against the ribs, And bruised the side; and, elevated high, Taught the raised shoulders to invade the ears. Long time elapsed or e'er our rugged sires Complain'd, though incommodiously pent in, And ill at ease behind. The ladies first 'Gan murmur, as became the softer sex. Ingenious Fancy, never better pleased, Than when employ'd to accommodate the fair, Heard the sweet moan with pity, and devised The soft settee; one elbow at each end, And in the midst an elbow it received, United yet divided, twain at once.
So sit two kings of Brentford on one throne; And so two citizens, who take the air, Close pack'd, and smiling, in a chaise and one. But relaxation of the languid frame,
By soft recumbency of outstretch'd limbs, Was bliss reserved for happier days. So slow The growth of what is excellent; so hard To obtain perfection in this nether world. Thus first Necessity invented stools, Convenience next suggested elbow chairs, And Luxury the accomplish'd Sofa last.
The nurse sleeps sweetly, hired to watch the sick, Whom snoring she disturbs. As sweetly he, Who quits the coach-box at the midnight hour, To sleep within the carriage more secure, His legs depending at the open door. Sweet sleep enjoys the curate in his desk, The tedious rector drawling o'er his head; And sweet the clerk below. But neither sleep Of lazy nurse, who snores the sick man dead; Nor his, who quits the box at midnight hour, To slumber in the carriage more secure ; Nor sleep enjoy'd by curate in his desk; Nor yet the dozings of the clerk, are sweet, Compared with the repose the Sofa yields. O may I live exempted (while I live Guiltless of pamper'd appetite obscene)
From pangs arthritic, that infest the toe Of libertine Excess. The Sofa suits The gouty limb, 'tis true; but gouty limb, Though on a Sofa, may I never feel:
For I have loved the rural walk through lanes Of grassy swarth, close cropp'd by nibbling sheep, And skirted thick with intertexture firm
Of thorny boughs; have loved the rural walk O'er hills, through valleys, and by rivers' brink, E'er since a truant boy I pass'd my bounds, To enjoy a ramble on the banks of Thames; And still remember, nor without regret Of hours, that sorrow since has much endear'd, How oft, my slice of pocket store consumed, Still hungering, pennyless, and far from home, I fed on scarlet hips and stony haws, Or blushing crabs, or berries, that emboss The bramble, black as jet, or sloes austere. Hard fare! but such as boyish appetite Disdains not; nor the palate, undepraved By culinary arts, unsavoury deems. No Sofa then awaited my return; Nor Sofa then I needed. Youth repairs His wasted spirits quickly, by long toil Incurring short fatigue; and, though our years, As life declines, speed rapidly away, And not a year but pilfers as he goes
Some youthful grace, that age would gladly keep; A tooth or auburn lock, and by degrees
Their length and colour from the locks they spare; The elastic spring of an unwearied foot,
That mounts the stile with ease, orleaps the fence, That play of lungs, inhaling and again Respiring freely the fresh air, that makes Swift pace or steep ascent no toil to me, Mine have not pilfer'd yet, nor yet impair'd My relish of fair prospect; scenes that soothed Or charm'd me young, no longer young, I find Still soothing, and of power to charm me still. And witness, dear companion of my walks,
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