Doesticks & what He Says

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E. Livermore, 1855 - American wit and humor - 330 pages
 

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Page 31 - ... consequence collision, awful, knocked out the wheelbarrow's nose, broke the Irish woman all to pieces, baby loose, court-house handy, took me to the constable, jury sat on me, and the jail said the magistrate must take me to the constable ; objected ; the dungeon put me into the darkest constable in the city ; got out, and here I am, prepared to stick to my original opinion. Niagara, non est excelsos (ego fui) humbug est! índignus aimirationi I v. Jfclitětě».
Page 90 - For, oh, if there be an elysium on earth, It is this, it is this ! There's a bliss beyond all that the minstrel has told, When two, that are link'd in one heavenly tie, With heart never changing and brow never cold, Love on through all ills, and love on till they die ; One hour of a passion so sacred is worth Whole ages of heartless and wandering bliss : And oh...
Page 31 - ... went into an eating-house, called for a plate of beans, when the plate brought the waiter in his hand. I took it, hung up my beef and beans on a nail, eat my hat, paid the dollar a nigger, and sided out on the step-walk, bought a boy of a glass of dog with a small beer and a neck on his...
Page 30 - Man came back with the beer, drank it to the last drop, and wished there had been a gallon more— walked out on a rock to the edge of the fall, woman on the shore very much frightened — I told her not to get excited if I fell over, as I would step right up again — it would not be much of a fall anyhow — got a glass of beer of a man, another of a woman, and another of two small boys with a pail— fifteen minutes elapsed, when I purchased some more of an Indian woman, and imbibed it through...
Page 219 - That, with nothing in the heavens above, the earth beneath, or the waters under the earth to build a prosperity upon, the people of Massachusetts are, per capita, the richest people in the world.
Page 28 - Indian curiosities, squaws, moccasins, stuffed snakes, rapids, wolves, Clifton House, suspension bridge, place where the water runs swift, the ladies faint, scream and get the paint washed off their faces ; where the aristocratic Indian ladies sit on the dirt and make little bags ; where all the inhabitants swindle strangers ; where the cars go in a hurry, the waiters are impudent and all the small boys swear. When I came in sight of the suspension bridge, I was vividly impressed with the idea that...
Page 86 - DEAR SIR: The land composing my farm has hitherto been so poor that a Scotchman couldn't get his living off it; and so stony that we had to slice our potatoes and plant them edgeways; but, hearing of your balsam, I put some on the corner of a ten-acre...
Page 29 - ... didn't feel sublime any ; tried to, but couldn't ; took some beer, and tried again, but failed — drank a glass of beer and began to feel better — thought the waters were sent for and were on a journey to the ; thought the place below was one sea of beer — was going to jump down and get some ; guide held me ; sent him over to the hotel to get a glass of beer, while I tried to write some poetry...
Page 126 - Hundred ; right put in all sorts of fantastic extras, to entice the left from its sense of propriety ; left still unmoved ; right put in a few bars of a popular waltz ; left wavers a little ; right strikes up a favorite polka ; left evidently yielding ; right dashes into a jig ; left now fairly deserts...
Page 31 - ... bought a boy of a glass of dog with a small beer and a neck on his tail, with a collar with a spot on the end — felt funny, sick — got some soda-water in...

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