To prove it is, permit me to repeat [ftreet:
What late I heard, in paffing through the
A youth of parts, with ladies by his fide,
Thus cock'd his glafs, and thro' it fhot my:
pride:

'Tis he, by Jove! grown quite a clumfy
fellow,

"He's fit for nothing-but a Punchinello !"
"O yes, for comic fcenes, Sir John--nofurther:
"He's much too fat-for battles, rapes, and
"murther!"

Worn in the fervice, you my faults will fpare,
And make allowance for the wear and tear.
The Chelfea penfioper, who, rich in fears,
Fights o'er, in prattle, all his former wars;
Tho' paft thefervice, maythe young ones teach
To march-prefent-to fire-and mount the
breach.
[grieve
Should the drum beat to arms, at firit he'll
For wooden leg, loft eye, and armlefs fleeve,
Then cocks his hat, looks fierce, and fwells
his cheft:
[beft."
*Tis for my king; and, zounds! I'll do my

§71. Prologue to the Clandeftine Marriage; 1766.
GARRICK.
POETS and Painters, who from nature draw
Their beft and richest ftores, have made
this law;

That each fhould neighbourlyaffift his brother,
And fteal with decency from one another.
To-night, your matchlefs Hogarth gives the
thought,

Whichfrom the canvas to theftage isbrought;
And who fo fit to warm the poet's mind,
As he who pictur'd morals and mankind?
But not the fame their characters and fcenes;
Both labour for one end by diff'rent means;
Each, as it fuits him, takes a fep'rate road,
Their one great object, marriage à-la-mode;
Where titles deign with cits to have and hold,
And change rich blood for more fubftantial
gold!

And honour'd trade from int'rest turns aside,
To hazard happiness for titled pride.

The painter dead, yet ftill he charms the eye;
While England lives, his fame can never die:
But he who ftruts his hour upon the stage,
Can fcarce extend his fame for half an age;
Nor pen nor pencil can the actor fave-
The art and artift fhare one common grave.
O let me drop one tributary tear, [bier!
On poor Jack Falftaff's grave, and Juliet's
You to their worth nuft teftimony give;
'Tis in your hearts alone their fame can live;
Still as the fcenes of life will shift away,
The strong impreffions of their art decay.
Your children cannot feel what you have
known;
[own.
They'll boaft of Quins and Cibbers of their
The greatest glory of our happy few,
Is to be felt, and be approv'd, by you.

rage;

No knights arm'd cap à pié, hall crowde
Northall our Henries, Edwards, take thefeld,
Oppofing fword to fword, and shield to
With other inftruments our troop appear
Needles to thimbles fhall, and hears to the
With parchment gorgets, and in buca
arm'd,

Cold blooded taylors are to heroes war!
And flip-thod flide to war-No lions gl
No eye-balls flathing fire fhall make yout
Each outside fhall belie the ftuff within
A Roman spirit in each Taylor's ki
A taylor-legg'd Pompey, Caffius,fha
And the ninth part of Brutus ftrut ins
What though no fwords we drew, m
Yet can our warriors a quietus make
With a bare bodkin.--Now be dumb
And never, but in honour, call outta
But these are heroes tragic, you wille
O, very tragic! and I'll tell you why—
Should female artists with the male com
And mantua-makers with the taylar
Should all, too proud to work, their
give o'er,

Not to be footh'd again by fix pencem
What horrors would enfue!-Firt

beaux,

At once lofe all existence with your
And you, ye fair, where would ha
This is no golden age of innocence
Such drunken Bacchanals the Gras
And no police to guard the naked
Beauty is weak, and pathon boldati
O then-but modefty reftrains my
May this night's bard a skilful tayic
And like a well-made coat his traged
Tho' clofe, yet eafy; decent, but a
Short, but not fcanty; without buckrate

73. Epilogue to the English Mercier"

Gar Enter Lady Alton Mrs. Abington A Spatter [Mr. Kingfellowin I'LL hear no more, thou Spatter. Attend to reales L. Alton. A woman of my rank," treafon!

L. Alton.

Hear reafon, block head! Reason! wh
Bid me wear pattens and ahigh cro
Won't you begone? What, won't yo
your view,

Spatter. Humbly to ferve the to
L. Alton. I renounce fuch thing
Not Phoebus now, but vengeance, j
My mind is difcord all!- fcore,
All human kind-you more thanat

• Mr. Quin and Mrs. Cibber both died a little before.

Spatter. I humbly thank you, Ma'am-but
weigh the matter.
[Spatter!
L. Alton. I won't hear reafon! and I hate you,
yself and ev'ry thing.
Spatter. That I deny;

ou love a little mischief, fo do I;
nd mischief I have for you.

Our turtles from the town will By with speed,
And I'll foretell the vulgar life they'll lead.
With love and ease grown fat, they face all
weather,
[gether:
And, farmers both, trudge arm in arm to-
Now view their stock, now in their nursery
prattle,

For ever with their children or their cattle.
Like the dull mill-horfe in one round they
keep;

L. Alton. How? where? when? ill you ftab Falbridge? Spatter. Yes, Ma'am-with my pen. L. Alton. Let loofe, my Spatter, till to death They walk, talk, fondle,dine, and fall asleep; you've ftung 'em, ['em. Their custom always in the afternoon-" hat green-eyed monster, jealoufy, among He bright as Sol, and the the chafte full moon! patter. To dafh at all, thefpirit of mytrade is, Wak'd with her coffee, Madam firft begins, en, women, children, parfons, lords, and She rubs her eyes,his lordship rubs his thins; here will be danger. [ladies. She fips and finirks-"Next week's our wed. ding-day, [Gives it him."Married feven years I—and every hour more gay? [Yawns. (Smiles, and takes it. "True, Emmy," cries my lord, "the blefling L. Alton. Should my lord beat youSpatter. Let them laugh that win: or all my bruises here's gold beaters skin; [Chinking the purfe. L. Alton. Nay, fhould he kill you! Spatter. Ma'am?

L. Alton. And there fhall be pay-
ake my purfe, Spatter!
Spatter. In an honest way.

L. Alton. My kindness meant
o pay your merit with a monument !

lies,

"Our hearts in ev'ry thing fo fympathize 1"

[Yawns. The day thus fpent, my lord for mufic calls; He thrums the bafe, to which my lady fqualls; The children jain, which fo delight these ninnies,

The brats feem all Guaduccies, Lovatinis. Spatter. Your kindness, lady, takes away-What means this qualm -Why, fure,

my breath:

[death.

e'll stop, with your good leave, on this fide L. Alton. Attack Amelia, both in verfe and our wit can make a nettle of a rofe. [profe, Spatter. A flinging-nettle for his lordship's breaft:

nd to my stars and dafhes leave the rest. Il make them miferable, never fear; out in a month, and part in half a year. know my genius, and can truft my plan; "Il break a woman's heart with any man. L. Alton. Thanks, thanks, dear Spatter! be fevere and bold!

Spatter. No qualms of confcience with a purfe of gold.

ho' pill'ries threaten, and tho' crab-fticks
fall,

'ours are my heart, foul, pen, ears, bones, and
all.
[Exit Spatter.
Lady Alton alone.
Thus to the winds at once my cares I fcatter-
>, 'tis a charming rafcal, this fame Spatter!
lis precious mifchief makes theftorm fubfide!
My anger, thank my ftars! all rofe from pride!
Pride thould belong to us alone of fashion;
And let the mob take love, that vulgar paf-
Love, pity, tenderness, are only made [fion.
For Poets, Abigails, and folks in trade.
Some cits about their feelings make a fufs,
And some are better bred-who live with us.
How low lord Falbridge is!-He takes a wife,
To love, and cherish, and be fix'd for life!
Thinks inarriage is a comfortable state,
No pleasure like a vartuous tele-à-tête!
Do ourlords juftice, for Iwould not wrong'em,
There are not many such poorfouls among'em.

while I'm defpifing,

That vulgar paffion, Envy, is not rifing!
O no!-Contempt is ftruggling to burst out—
I'll give it vent at Lady Scalp'em's rout.

[Exit haftily.

$74. Epilogue to Zenobia; 1768. Spoken by Mrs.
Abington.
GARRICK.
She peeps through the curtain.
How do you all, good folks?—In tears, for

certain ;

I'll only take a peep behind the curtain:
You 're all fo full of tragedy and sadness,
For me to come among you would be madness!
This is no time for giggling-when you 've
leifure,

Call out for me, and I'll attend your pleasure;
As foldiers hurry at the beat of drum,
Beat but your hands, that inftant I will come.
[She enters upon their clapping.
This is fo good! to call me out fo foon-
The Comic Mufe by me entreats a boon;
She call'd for Pritchard, her first maid of ho-

nour,

And begg'd of her to take the task upon her;
But the, I am fure you'll all be forry for 't,
Refigns her place, and foon retires from court:
To bear this lofs we courtiers make a fhift,
When good folks leave us, worfe may have a
lift.

The Comic Mufe, whofe ev'ry fmile is
grace,

And her ftage fifter, with her tragic face,
Have had a quarrel-each has writ a cafe;
And on their friends affembled now I wait,
To give you of their diff'rence a true state.

Melpomene

Melpomene complains, when the appears,
For five good acts. in all her pomp of tears,
To raife your fouls, and with your raptures
wing 'em,

Twringem

Nay, wet your handkerchiefs, that you may
Some flippant huffey, like myself, comes in;
Crack goes her fan, and with a giggling grin,
"Hey! Presto ! país!"--all topfy-turvy fee,
For "ho, ho, ho is chang'd to "he, he,he!"
Weown'd the fault, but 'tis a fault in vogue;
'Tis theirs who call and bawi for-Epilogue;
O, fhame upon you!-for the time to come,
Know better, and go miferable home.
What fays our comic goddefs?-With re-
proaches,

She vows her fifter tragedy encroaches!
And, fpite of all her virtue and ambition,
Is known to have an amorous disposition!
For in False Delicacy-wondrous fly,
Join'd with a certain Irishman-O fie!
She made you, when you ought to laugh,
[ther,
Her fifter's fmiles with tears fhe tried to fmo-
Rais'd fuch a tragi-comic kind of pother,
You laugh'd with one eye, while you cried

to cry.

with t'other.

What can be done?-fad work behind the
fcenes!

There comic female fcold with tragic queens;
Each party diff'rent ways the foe affails, [nails.
Thefe fhake the daggers, thofe prepare their
'Tis you alone must calm thefe dire mishaps,
Or we fhall ftill continue pulling caps.
What is your will-I read it in your faces
That all hereafter take their proper places,
Shake hands, and kifs,and friends, and burn
their cafes.

$75. Epilogue Spoken by Mrs. Pritchard, on her
quitting the Stage; 1768.

TH

GARRICK.

HE curtain dropt-my mimic life is paft,
That fcene of fleepand terror was my laft
Could I in fuch a fcene my exit make,
When ev'ry real feeling is awake?
Which beating here, fuperior to all art,
Burfts in full tides from a moft grateful heart.
I now appear myself, diftrefs'd, difmay'd,
More than in all the characters I've play'd;
In acted paffion, tears may SEEM to flow,
"But I have that within that paffeth fhow."
Before I go, and this lov'd fpot forfake,
What gratitude can give, my wishes, take:
Upon your hearts may no affliction prey,
Which cannot by the ftage be chas'd away;
And may the ftage, to pleafe each virtuous
mind,

Grow ev'ry day more moral, more refin'd,
Refin'd from groffnefs, not by foreign skill:
Weed out the poifon, but be English (till!

To all my brethren whom I leave behind,
Still may your bounty, as to me, be kind;
To me for many years your favours flow'd,
Humbly receiv'd-on fmall defert beftow'd:

For which I feel-whatcannot be expr. 1–
Words are too weak—my tears matt ipus -

reit.

76. Prologue to the Good-natured Max; --i Joass PREST by the load of life the weary -

Surveys the gen'ral toil of human
With cool fubmiflion joins the lab naga
And focial forrow lofes half its pain;
Our anxious bard without complain
fhare

This Luftling feafon's epidemic care;
Like Cæfar's pilot dignified by fate,
Toft in one common fform with all the
Dutreft alike the ftatefman and the wi
When one a Borough courts, and one!
The bufy candidates for power and far
Have hopes, and fears, and wishes juftum
Difabled both to combat or to fly,
Must hear all taunts, and hear without
Uncheck'd on both loud rabbles va
rage,

As mongrels bay the lion in a cage.
Th' offended burgefs hoards his angy
For that bleft year when all that vote
Their fchemes of fpite the poet's foesdi
Till that glad night when all thatha

hifs.

But even I, Tom Fool, muft med fome
Do, ladies, look upon me-nay, no fim
Think you this face was ever made for**
p'ring?

Can I à cambric handkerchief difplay,
Thump my unfeeling breaft, and roar as
Why this is comical, perhaps you'll by. 1

olving this ftrange awkward bard to pump, 1 Such tragical, comical folks, and fo finec'd him what he meant ?-He, fomewhat What pity it was that the fun did not shine! plump, [ing- Since ladies, and baronets, aldermen, 'fquires, 7 purs'd his belly, and his lips thus bit- All went to this Jubilee full of defires, muft keep up the dignity of writing!"-In crowds, as they go for to see a new play; And when it was done-why, they all came away I

su may; but if you do, Sir, I must tell ye,
ou'll not keep up that dignity of belly."
he preach'd on "Bards of former age
ld up abandon'd pictures on the stage;
read out their wit with fafcinating art,
id catch'd the fancy, to corrupt the heart:
it,happy change; in thefe more moral days,
ou cannot fport with virtue,even in plays;
virtue's fide his pen the poet draws,
ad boldly afks a hearing for his caufe."
is did he prance and fwell.-The man
may prate,

feed these whimfies in his addle pate,
t you'll protect his Mufe becaufe fhe's
good:

Don't let me forget-a main part of the show,
Was long-tail'd fine comets, by fam'd Angelo.
Some turtle I got, which they call'd pashapee;
But honeft roaft beef's the beft turtle for me.
I hate all ragouts; aud, like a bold Briton,
Prefer good plum pudding to aught I e'er bit

on.

I drank too (and now I a poet may be)
From a charming fine cup of the mulberry tree.
To bed I must go-for which, like a ninny,
I paid like my betters, no lefs than a guinea,
For rolling-not fleeping-in linen fo damp,
As ftruck my great toe, ever fince, with the
cramp.

irgin, and fo chafte !-O lud! O lud!
Mufe the critic beadle's lafh escapes ;
ugh virtuous, if a dowdy and a trapes:
is come forth a decent likely lafs,
'll fpeak her fair, and grant the proper
pafs:
[tences,
1ould his brain be turn'd with wild pre-
hree hours time you'll bring him to his
fenses;
[get him;
well you may, when in your pow'r you
at fhort space, you blifter, bleed, and
fweat him.
ong the Turks, indeed, he'd run no dan-He's a fecond to none but the Warwickshire
y facred hold a madman and a stranger.
The Jubilee over, I came to this place,
To tell you my ftory, and fue for your grace:
You never refus'd it-yet never before,

Thus fleec'd-in my pocket I felt a great fmarting,

Yet griev'd not when I and the fplinters were parting,

'Twas worth ten times more to hear fweet brother Martin.

Hefpoke, 'till poor Scrub was juft fit, with one

[ger;

eye

To laugh, while the other was ready to cry, Which makes me now tell you, without any brag,

[wag.

• Scrub's Trip to the Jubilee; 1769. Spoken With granting fuch kindness, bound gratitude

by Mr. Wefton.

OM Stratford arriv'd-piping hot-gen. telfolks

more.

I live but to own, with a diligent fpirit,
Yourfavours have ever outrun my flightmerit,

m the rareft of flows, and moft wonderful$9. Prologue to Doctor Laft in his Chariot; 1769. jokes,

[clare,

ir fimple acquaintance, Scrub, comes to de-
as fuller, by far, than our Lichfield great
fair;
[ing,
h crowds of fine ladies ferenading and fing-
h firing of loud patereroes, and ringing-
tell it in London, must seem all a fable;
iyet I will tell it as well as I'm able. [ode;
, fomething, in lingo of fchools call'd an
critics, they told me, allow'd very good:
: faid-you may take it for truth, Taffure
[Drury,
as made by the little great man of old
my brother Martin (for whofe fake, d'ye
hear?)
[peare*;
is night I'd a mind for a touch at Shak?
t, honeftly fpeaking, I take more delight in
bit of good fun, than drums, trumpets, and
fighting.

ye,

e proceflion, 'twas faid, would have been
a fine train,
[rain!
at could not move forward-O la-for the

top,

GARRICK.

Spoken by Mr. Foote." your fervant, kind mafters, from bottom to [mean hop: Be affur'd, while I breathe, or can stand-I Be you pleased to fmile, orbe pleafed to grumble, [humble. Be whatever you pleafe, I am ftill your most As to laugh is a right only given to man, To keep up that right is my pride and my plan. Fair ladies, don't frown; I meant woman too. What's common to man, must be common to [curl, You all have a right your fweet mufcles to From the old fmirking prude to the titt'ring young girl;

you.

And ever with pleafure my brains I couldspin,
To make you all giggle, and you, ye gods, grin.
In this prefent fummer, as well as the paft,
To your favour again we prefent Dr. Laft,
Who, by wonderful feats, in the papers re-
counted,
[ed.
From trudging on foot to his chariot is mount-

* This alludes to Mr. Wefton's design of playing Richard.

Amongst

Amongst the old Britons when war was begun,
Charioteers would flay ten, while the foot
could flay one.
[fent,
So when doctors on wheels with dispatches are
Mortality bills rife a thousand per cent.jfind.
But think not to phy Lc that quackery's con-
All the world is a flage, and the quacks are

mankind:

There's trade, law, and fate quacks: nay, would we but fearch,

Welbould find-Heaven blefs us!-fome quacks in the church!

race,

:

They think the very fagetold for fines
Our author therefore raped to employ
Your vuigar Damme, i- and Damme,
Nay, when by chance a sanghty pokem
pat in,

He wrapt it up. you know, in lawyen' lan
So much refin'd the icese ince former w
When Congreve, Vanbrugh, Wycheve
plays,

The flage to looftly did Afrea tread
She fairly put all characters to bed

The fiff band and stiff bob of the Methodist Give the balfam of life and the tincture of! Tho now no bard wools venture lades A macaroni in a lady's closet; Left the frail fair-one be be thought ["While moon and ftars alone" they're doing.

grace; And their poor wretched patients think much good is done 'em,

Tho' blifters and cauftics are ever upon 'em.
As for laws and the ftate,if quackery'sa curfe,
Which will make the good bad, and the bad
will make worse,
|

We fhould point out the quack from the re-
gular brother;
(to'ther!
They are wifer than I who can tell one from
Can the ftage, with its bills, puffs, and pa-
tients stand trial?
[Royal?
Shall we find out no quarksin the Theatre-
Some dramatical drugs, that are puff'd on the
town,

Caufe manywry faces, and scarce will go down.
Nay, an audience fometimes will in quack'ry
delight,
[one night.
And sweat down an author fome pounds in
To return to our quack-should he, help'd
by the weather,

Raife laughter and kindperfpiration together;
Should his noftrums of hip and of vapours
but cure ye,

In the old plays, gailants take no du
But put the ftruggling actress to thes
Blets me! I fhudder even now to the
How near my felf may come to danger
In modern plays more lafe the femurt
Secure as our fad folemn fituation
Norakifh forward fpark dares nowhe
The Comic Mufe herself's grown
No wonder, then, if in fo pure an
No Congreves write for as demure

81.

G

Prologue to the School for Rais, Spoken by Mr. King. fcribbling gentry, ever frank unt Tofweep the flage with Prologue A female reprefentative I come. And with a prologue,which I call Tofweep the critic cobwebs from the Critics, like fpiders, into corners of And at new plays their bloody re With fome fmall venom clofe in an Ready to feize the poor dramatic fv: The weak and heedlefs foon become? prey,

His chariot he well can deferve, I affure ye:
'Tis eafy to fet up a chariot in town,
And easier ftill is that chariot laid down.
He petitions by me, both as doctor and lover,
That you'll not ftop his wheels, or his cha-But the ftrong blue-bottle will force its
Clean well its wings, and hum another
Unknown to nature's laws, we've be

riottip over.
[would be,
Fix him well, I beseech you; the worst on't
Should you overturn him, you mayoverfetme.

80. Epilogue to the Duellift; 1773- Spoken by
Mifs Barfanti.
So, men of valour! you diflike our play :
Nothing against it do the ladies fay.
To own they're pleas'd the critics ever loth,
Mutter," A Duellift, with scarce an oath!
«Tis like his hat that was without a feather;
"Duels and dammes always go together."
Old finners, loving the licentious joke,[ftroke;
May think there wants too, here and there, a
Round oaths and double meanings ftrew'd
between,

With them the virtues of the comic scene,
And yet the town in gen'ral is so nice,
It holds thefe virtues as a kind of vice:
From the teeth outwards chafte, their hands
before 'em,

Like reps, even demi-reps, are all decorum.

evil;

For flies, turn'd fpiders, play the v
Fearing fome danger 1 will fay befan
A fhort, true, recent, tragi-comic &

As late I faunter'd in the Park for
As free from thought as any coxcom
Twofparks came up; one whisperd
He was a critic; then afk'd me, with
Thus ftanding, ftaring-with a fwag" "¦
fwing,

"You've writ a farce?"—"Yes, Sir,and,
thing:"

"Damn'd foolish-You'd betterm
acting, King.
"Tis ten to one-1 fpeak it for
"That this fame farce will prove-
laft Stake."-
"Ifcribble for amusement, boast no pers
"Write for your own amusement,
ours."