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thence upon the leads and gutters, walk- thoughts and speculations were while I lay ing upon three legs, and holding me in the in the monkey's paw; how I liked the fourth, till he clambered up to a roof that victuals he gave me; his manner of feedwas next to ours. I heard Glumdalclitching; and whether the fresh air on the roof give a Mriek at the moment he was car. had sharpened my stomach. He desired to Tying me out. The poor girl was almost know, what I would have done upon such diftra&ed: that quarter of the palace was an occasion, in my own country. I told his all in an uproar; the servants ran for lad. majesty, that in Europe, we had no monders; the monkey was seen by hundreds kies, except such as were brought for cuin the court, sitting upon the ridge of a riosities from other places, and so small, building, holding me like a baby in one of that I could deal with a dozen of them to his fore-paws; and feeding me with the gether, if they presumed to attack

mey other, by cramming into my mouth some And as for that monstrous animal with victuals he had squeezed out of the bag whom I was so lately engaged (it was inon one side of his chaps, and patring me deed as large as an elephant) if my fears when I would not eat; whereat many of had suffered me to think so far as to make the rabble below could not forbear laugh- use of my hanger (looking fiercely, and ing; neither do I think they justly ought clapping my hand upon the hilt, as I spoke) to be blamed, for, without question, the when he poked his paw into my chamber, light was ridiculous enough to every perhaps I hould have given him fuch body but myself. Some of the people wound, as would have made him glad to threw up stones, hoping to drive the mon withdraw it with more haite than he put it key down; but this was strictly forbidden, in. This I delivered in a firm tone, like or else very probably my brains had been a person who was jealous left his courage dashed o'it.

Thould be called in question. However, my The ladders were now applied, and speech produced nothing else besides a loud mounted by several men, which the mon- laughter, which all the respect due to his key observing, and finding himself almost majesty from those about him could not encompassed; not being able to make speed make them contain. This made me reenough with his three legs, let me drop on

flect, how vain an attempt it is for a man a ridge tile, and made his escape. Here to endeavour to do himself honour among I fac for fome time, five hundred yards those, who are out of all degree of equality from the ground, expecting every moment or comparison with him. And yet I have to be blown down by the wind, or to fall seen the moral of my own behaviour very by my own giddiness, and come tumbling frequent in England since my return, over and over from the ridge to the eves: where a little contemptible varlet, with but an honeit lad, one of my nurse's foot out the least title to birth, person, wit, men, climbed up, and putting me into or common sense, shall presume to look his breeches-pocket, brought me down with importance, and put himself upon fafe.

a footing with the greatest persons of the I was almost choaked with the filthy stuff kingdom. the monkey had crammed down my throat; I was every day furnishing the court. but my dear little nurse picked it out of my with some ridiculous story; and G!umdalmouth with a small needle, and then I feil clitch, although she loved me to excess, a vomiting, which gave me great relief. yet was arch enough to inform the queen, Yer I was so weak and bruised in the sides whenever I committed any folly that the

with the squeezes given me by this odious thought would be diverting to her majesty. - animal, that I was forced to keep my bed The girl, who had been out of order, was

a fortnight. The king, queen, and all carried by her governess to take the air the court, sent every day to enquire after about an hour's distance, or thirty miles my health, and her majesty made me fe- from town. They alighted out of the veral visits during my sickness. The mon- coach near a small foot-path in a field, and key was killed, and an order made that Glumdalclitch setting down my travelling no such animal should be kept about the box, I went out of it to walk. There was palace.

a cow-dung in the path, and I must needs When I attended the king after my re- try my activity by attempting to leap over covery to return him thanks for his favours, it

. I took a run, but unfortunately jumped he was pleased to rally me a good deal up- short, and found myself just in the midon this adventure. He asked me what my dle up to my knees.

I waded through

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with some difficulty, and one of the foot him to make two chair-frames, no larger men wiped me as clean as he could with than those I had in my box, and then to his handkerchief, for I was filthily bemired, bore little holes with a fine awl round those and my nurse confined me to my box till parts where I designed the back, and feats; we returned home : where the queen was through these holes I wove the strongest foon informed of what had passed, and the hairs I could pick out, just after the man. footmen spread it about the court; so that ner of cane-chairs in England. When they all the mirth for some days was at my ex were finished, I made a present of them to pence.

her majesty, who kept them in her cabiCH A P. VI •.

net, and used to Mew them for curiosities,

as indeed they were the wonder of every Several contrivances of the author to please one that beheld thein. The queen would

have had me lit upon one of these chairs, the king and queen. He shews his skill in music. The king enquires into the state of but I absolutely refused to obey her, proEngland, u bich the author relates to him. testing I would rather die a thoufand

deaths than place a dishonourable part of The king's observations thereon.

my body on those precious hairs that once I used to attend the king's levee once, or twice a week, and had often seen him hairs (as I had always a mechanical ge

adorned her majesty's head. Of these under the barber's hand, which indeed was nius) I likewise made a neat little purse at first very terrible to behold: for the about five feet long, with her majesty's razor was almost twice as long as an ordi

name decyphered in gold letters, which nary fcythe. His majesty, according to

I gave to Glumdalclitch by the queen's the custom of the country, was only shaved confent. To say the truth, it was more twice a week. I once prevailed on the for shew than usé, being not of strength to barber to give me some of the Tuds or lather, out of which I picked forty or fifty therefore the kept nothing in it but fome

bear the weight of the larger coins, and of the strongest stumps of hair. ! then little toys that girls are fond of. took a piece of fine wood, and cut it like

The king, who delighted in music, had the back of a comb, inaking several holes frequent concerts at court, to which I was in it at equal distance with as small a nee sometimes carried, and set in my box on a dle as I could get from Glumdalclitch. I

table to hear them: but the noise was so fixed in the stumps fo artificially, scraping great, that I could hardly distinguish the

I am confident that all the drums the point, that I made a very tolerable and trumpets of a royal army, beating and comb; which was a feasonable supply, my founding together júft at your ears, could own being so much broken in the tech, not equal it. My pracice was to have my that it was almolt useless: neither did I box removed from the place where the know artist in that country so nice and performers sat, as far as I could, then të exact, as would undertake to make me an shut the doors and windows of it, and draw other.

the window.curtains; after which I found And this puts me in mind of an amuse. their music not disagreeable. ment, wherein I spent many of my leisure

I had learnt in my youth to play a little hours. I desired the queen's woman to

upon the spinet. Glundalclitch kep: one in fave for me the combings of her, majesty's her chamber, and a inafter attended twice hair, whereof in time I got a good quan. a week to teach her: I called it a fpinet, tity, and consulting with my friend the because it somewhat resembled that inftrucabinet maker, who had received generalment, and was played upon in the same orders to do little jobs for me, I directed manner. A fancy came into my head,

• In this chapter he gives an account of the that I would entertain the king aud queen political state of Europe. ORRERY.

with an English tune upon this initrument. This is a mistake of the noble commentator, for Guiliver has here given a political account

But this appeared extremely difficult : for of no country but England : it is however a the spinet was near fixey feet long, each mistake to which any commentator would have key being almost a foot wide, so that with been liable, who had read little more than the my arms extended I could not reach to titles or contents of the chapters into which this work is divided; for the word Europe has in

above five keys, and to press them down some English, and all the Irish editions, been required a good smart stroke with my fift; printed in the title of this chapter, instead of which would be too great a labour, and England.

to no purpose. The method I contrived




was this: I prepared two round sticks own dear native country in a style equal to about the bigness of common cudgels; its merits and felicity. they were thicker at one end than the I began my discourse by informing his other, and I covered the thicker ends with majesty, that our dominions consisted of a piece of a mouse's skin, that, by rapping two islands, which composed three mighty on them, I might neither damage the tops kingdoms under one sovereign, besides our of the keys, nor interrupt the sound. Be- plantations in America. I dwelt long upfore the spinet a bench was placed about on the fertility of our soil, and the temfour feet below the keys, and I was put perature of our climate. I then spoke at upon the bench. I ran fideling upon it large upon the constitution of an English that way and this, as fast as I could, bang- parliament, partly made up of an illuitrious ing the proper keys with my two sticks, body called the house of peers, persons of the and made a fift to play a jig to the great noblest blood, and of the most ancient and satisfaction of both their majetties : but it ample patrimonies. I described that exwas the most violent exercise I ever under- traordinary care always taken of their eduwent, and yet I could not strike above six- cation in arts and arms, to qualify them teen keys, nor consequently play the bass for being counsellors both to the king and and treble together, as other artists do, kingdom; to have a share in the legislawhich was a great disadvantage to my ture: to be members of the highest court performance.

of judicatore, from whence there could be The king, who, as I before observed, no appeal; and to be champions always was a prince of excellent understanding, ready for the defence of their prince and would frequently order that I should be country, by their valour, conduct, and brought in my box, and set upon the table fidelity. That these were the ornament in his cloftt; he would then command me and bulwark of the kingdom, worthy folto bring one of my chairs out of the box, lowers of their most renowned ancestors, and fit down within three yards distance whose honour had been the reward of their upon the top of the cabinet, which brought virtue, from which their posterity were me almoll to a level with his face. In this never once known to degenerate. To manner I had several conversations with these were joined several holy persons as him. I one day took the freedom to tell part of that afsembly under the title of his majesty, that the contempt he disco- bifhops, whose peculiar business it is to vered toivards Europe, and the reft of the take care of religion, and of those who world, did not seem answerable to those instruct the people therein. These were excellent qualities of mind that he was searched and fought out through the master of: that reason did not extend itself whole nation, by the prince and his wiseft with the bulk of the body; on the con- counsellors, among such of the priesthood trary, we observed in our country, that the as were most deservedly distinguished by tallest persons were usually least provided the fanctity of their lives, and the depth with it, that, among other aniinals, bees of their erudition, who were indeed the and ants had the reputation of more induf- spiritual fathers of the clergy and the try, art, and fagacity, than many of the people. larger kinds; and that, as inconsiderable as That the other part of the parliament he took me to be, I hoped I might live to consisted of an assembly called the house of do his majesty some signal service. The king commons, who were all principal gentleheard me with attention, and began to men, freely picked and culled out by the conceive a much better opinion of me than people themselves, for their great abilities he had ever before. He desired I would and love of their country, to represent the give him as exact an account of the govern- wisdom of the whole nation. And that ment of England as I possibly could ; be- these two bodies made up the most augutt cause, as fond as princes commonly are of assembly in Europe, to whom, in conjunctheir own customs (for so he conjectured tion with the prince, the whole legislature of other monarchs by my former dif- is committed. courses) he should be glad to hear of any I then descended to the courts of justice, thing that might deserve imitation. over which the judges, those venerable

Imagine with thyself, courteous reader, fages and interpreters of the law, presided how often I then wished for the tongue of for determining the disputed rights and Demofthenes or Cicero, that might have properties of men, as well as for the puenabled me to celebrate the praise of my nishment of vice, and protection of inno


cence. I mentioned the prudent manage, landlord, or the most confiderable gentlement of our treasury, the valour and at man in the neighbourhood, How it came chievements of our forces by sea and land, to pass, that people were so violently bent I computed the number of our people, by upon getting into this assembly, which I 21reckoning how many millions there might lowed to be a great trouble and expence, be of each religious sect, or political party often to the ruin of their families, without among us. I did not omit even our sports any falary or penfion : because this apand pastimes, or any other particular, which peared such an exalted train of virtue and I thought might redound to the honour of public spirit, that his majesty seemed to my country. And I finished all with a

doubt it might possibly not be always finbrief historical account of affairs and events cere: and he defired to know, whether in England for about an hundred years such zealous gentlemen could have any past.

views of refunding themselves for the This conversation was not ended under charges and trouble they were at, by safive audiences, each of several hours; and crificing the public good to the designs of the king heard the whole with great at a weak

and vicious prince in conjunction tention, frequently taking notes of what I with a corrupted ministry. He multiplied spoke, as well as memorandums of what his questions, and fifted me thoroughly questions he intended to ask me.

upon every part of this head, propofing When I had put an end to these long numberless enquiries and obje&tions, which di courses, his majesty in a sixth audience, I think it not prudent or convenient to reconfulting his notes, proposed many doubts, peat. queries, and objections upon every article. Upon what I said in relation to our He asked what methods were used to cul- courts of justice, his majesty delired to be tivate the minds and bodies of our young fatished in several points : and this I was nobility, and in what kind of business they the better able to do, having been for. commonly spent the firit and teachable merly almoft ruined by a long fuit in chanpart of their lives. What course was taken cery, which was decreed for me with costs. to supply that affembly, when any noble He asked what time was usually spent family became extinct. What qualifica- determining between right and wrong, and tions were necessary in those who are to be what degree of expence. Whether advocreated new lords: whether the humour of cares and orators had liberty to plead in the prince, a sum of money to a court causes manifestly known to be unjust

, vexlady or a prime minister, or a design of atious, or oppressive. Whether party in strengthening a party opposite to the pub- religion or politics were observed to be of lic intereft, ever happened to be motives any weight in the scale of justice. Whe in thore advancements. What share of ther thole pleading orators were persons knowledge thase lords had in the laws of educated in the general know ledge of their country, and how they came by it, fo equity, or only in provincial, national

, as to enable them to decide the properties and other local customs. Whether they of their fellow-subjects in the last resort. or their judges had any part in penning Whether they were all so free from ava those laws, which they afumed the liberty rice, partialities, or want, that a bribe, or of interpreting and glossing upon at their fome other finister view, could have no pleasure. Whether they had ever at difplace among them. Whether these holy ferent times pleaded for and against the Jords I spoke of were always promoted to fame cause, and cited precedents to prove that rank upon account of their knowledge contrary opinions. Whether they were > in religious matters, and the fanctity of rich or a poor corporation. Whether they their lives; had never been compliers with received any pecuniary reward for pleadthe times while they were common priests, ing or delivering their opinions.' And or llavish prostitute chaplains to some no. particularly, whether they were ever adbleman, whose opinions they continued mitred as members in the lower fenate. servilely to follow after they were admit He fell next upon che management of ted into that assembly.

our treasury : and said, he thought my meHe then desired to know, what arts were mory had failed me, because I computed practised in electing those whom I called our taxes at about five or fix millions a commoners: whether a Aranger with a year, and when I came to mention the Atrong purse might not influence the vul. iffues, he found they sometimes amounted gar voters to chuse him before their own to more than double; for the notes he had


taken were very particular in this point, them by the losses they received to learn because he hoped, as he told me, that the and praaise that infamous dexterity upon knowledge of our conduct might be useful others. to him, and he could not be deceived in his

He was perfectly astonished with the calculations. But if what I told him were historical account I gave him of our affairs true, he was still at a loss how a kingdom during the last century, protesting it was could run out of its estate like a private only a heap of conspiracies, rebellions, murperson. He asked me, who were our cre

ders, maslacres, revolutions, banishments, ditors, and where we found money to pay the very worst effects that avarice, faction, them. He wondered to hear me talk of hypocrisy, perfidiousness, cruelty, rage, such chargeable and expensive wars; that madness, hatred, envy, luft

, malice, and certainly we must be a quarrelsome people, ambition could produce. or live among very bad neighbours, and His majesty in another audience was at that our generals must needs be richer the pains to recapitulate the sum of all I than our kings. He asked what business had spoken; compared the questions he we had out of our own islands, unless upon made with the answers I had given; then the score of trade or treaty, or to defend taking me into his hands, and froking me the coasts with our fleet. Above all, he gently, delivered himself in these words, was amazed to hear me talk of a merce which I shall never forget, nor the mannary standing army in the midst of peace, ner he spoke them in : “ My little friend and among a free people. He said, if we Grildrig, you have made a most admirable were governed by our own consent in the panegyric' upon your country; you have persons of our representatives, he could clearly proved that ignorance, idleness, and not imagine of whom we were afraid, or vice, are the proper ingredients for quali. against whom we were to fight; and would fying a legislator; that laws are beit exhear my opinion, whether a private man's plained, interpreted, and applied by those house might not better be defended by whose interelt and abilities lie in perverthimself, his children, and family, than by ing, confounding, and eluding them. I obhalf a dozen rascals picked up at a ven serve among you some lines of an institu-ture in the streets for small wages, who tion, which in its original might have been might get an hundred times more by cut tolerable, but these are half erased, and the ting their throats.

reit wholly blurred and blotted by corrupHe laughed at my odd kind of arith. tions. It doth not appear from all metic (as he was pleased to call it) in reck- faid, how any one perfection is required oning the numbers of our people by a toward the procurement of any one llation computation drawn from the several sects among you; much less, that men are enamong us in religion and politics. He said, nobled on account of their virtue, that he knew no reason why those, who enter priesls are advanced for their piety or tain opinions prejudicial to the public, learning, soldiers for their conduct or vahould be obliged to change, or should not lour, judges for their integrity, senators be obliged to conceal them. And as it for the love of their country, or counwas tyranny in any government to re- sellors for their wisdom. As for yourielf, quire the first, so it was weakness not to continued the king, who have spent the enforce the second : for a man may be al- greatest part of your life in travelling, I lowed to keep poisons in his closet, but am well disposed to hope you may hitherto not to vend them about for cordials. have escaped many vices of your country.

He observed, that among the diverfions But by what I have gathered from your of our nobility and gentry I had mentioned own relation, and the answers I have with gaming: he desired to know at what age much pains wringed and extorted from this entertainment was usually taken up, you, I cannot but conclude the bulk of and when it was laid down; how much of your natives to be the most pernicious race their time it employed; whether it ever of little cdious vermin, that nature ever went fo high as to affect their fortunes: suffered to crawl upon the surface of the whether mean vicious people by their dex: earth.” terity in that art might not arrive at great

CHA P. VII. riches, and sometimes keep our very nobles The author's love of his country. He makes in dependence, as well as habituate them a proposal of much advantage to the king, to vile companions, wholly take them from which is rejected. The king's great ignpa the improvement of their minds, ard force rance in politics, The learning of ihet


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