to bring the town to reafon, mad? Is the man, who fettles poetry on the bafis of antiquity, mad? See Longinus in my right hand, and Aristotle in my left! [Calls after the Dolor, the Bookfeller, and the Nurfe, from the top of the fairs.] I am the only man among the moderns, that fupports the veAnd am I to be affaf nated? fhall a bookfeller, who has lived upon my labours, take away that life to which he owes his fupport? [Goes into his garret, and futs the door.] nerable ancients. $120. The two Bees. On a fine morning in May, two bees fet forward in queft of honey; the one wife and temperate, the other carclefs and extravagant. They foon arrived at a garden enriched with aromatic herbs, the moft fragrant flowers, and the most delicious fruits. They regaled themselves for a time on the various dainties that were fpread before them: the one loading his thigh at intervals with provifions for the hive against the diftant winter; the other revelling in sweets, without regard to any thing but his prefent gratification. At length they found a wide-mouthed phial, that hung beneath the bough of a peachtree, filled with honey ready-tempered, and exposed to their taste in the moft alluring manner. The thoughtlefs epicure, fpite of all his friend's remonftrances, plunged headlong into the vefiel, refolving to indulge hunfelf in all the pleafures of fenfuality, The philofopher, on the other hand, fipped a little with caution: but being fufpicious of danger, flew off to fruits and flowers; where, by the moderation of his meals, he improved his relish for the true enjoyment of them. In the evening, however, he called upon his friend, to enquire whether he would return to the hive; but found him furfeited in fweets, which he was as unable to leave, as to enjoy. Clogged in his wings, enfeebled in his feet, and his whole frame totally enervated, he was but juft able to bid his friend adieu, and to lament with his latest breath, that, though a taste of pleature might quicken the relish of life, an unreftrained indul, gence is inevitable destruction. thing which makes against himself. After he had turned over many volumes, faid the feller to him,-Sir, you know I have long afked you to fend me back the first volume of French Sermons I formerly lent you. Sir, faid the chapman, I have often looked for it but cannot find it: it is certainly loft; and I know not to whom I lent it, it is fo many years ago. Then, Sir, here is the other volume, I'll fend you home that, and please to pay for both. My friend, replied he, can't thou be fo fenfeless, as not to know, that one volume is as imperfect in my library, as in your fhop? Yes, Sir; but it is you have loft the firft volume; and, to be fhort, I will be paid. Sir, anfwered the chapman, you are a young man; your book is loft; and learn, by this little lofs, to bear much greater adverfities, which you must expect to meet with. Yes, Sir, I'll bear when I muft; but I have not lot now, for I fay you have it, and shall pay me. Friend, you grow warm; I tell you, the book is loft; and I forefee, in the courfe even of a profperous life, that you will meet afflictions to make you mad, if you cannot bear this trifle. Sir, there is, in this cafe, no need of bearing, for you have the book. I fay, Sir, I have not the book; but your paffion will not let you hear enough to be informed that I have it not. Learn refignation betimes to the diftreffes of this life: nay, do not fret and fume; it is my duty to tell you that you are of an impatient fpirit; and an impatient spirit is never without woe. Was ever any thing like this?-Yes, Sir, there have been many things like this. The lofs is but a trife; but your temper is wanton, and incapable of the leaft pain; therefore, let me advife you, be patient: the book is loft, but de not you, for that reason, lose yourself. Spectator. § 122. Falfaff's Encomiums on Sack. A good fherris-fack hath a two-fold operation in it-It afcends me into the brain: dries me, there, all the foolish, dull, and crudy vapours which environ it; makes it apprehenfive, quick, inventive; full of nimble, fiery, and delectable fhapes, which delivered over to the voice, the tongue, which is the birth, becomes excellent wit, § 121. Pleasant Scene of Anger, and the The fecond property of your excellent Disappointment of it. There came jnto a bookfeller's fhop a very learned man, with an erect folemn air: who, though a perfon of great parts otherwife, is flow in underftanding any fherris, is, the warming of the blood; which before, cold and fettled, left the liver white and pale, which is the badge of pufillanimity and cowardice. But the fherris warm it, and makes its courfe from the inwards to to the parts extreme. It illuminateth the face, which, as a beacon, gives warning to all the reft of this little kingdom, man, to arm; and, then, the vital commoners, and inland petty fpirits, mufter me all to their captain, the heart; who, great, and puffed up with this retinue, doth any deed of courage, and this valour comes of therris. So that fill in the weapon is nothing without fack, for that fets it awork; and learning a mere hoard of gold kept by a devil, till fack commences it, and fets it in act and ufe. Hereof comes it that Prince Harry is valiant; for the cold blood he did naturally inherit of his father he hath, like lean, fterile, and bare land, manured, huf. banded, and tilled, with drinking good, and good store of fertile fherris.If I had a thousand fons, the first human principle I would teach them, fhould be To forfwear thin potations, and to addict themfelves to fack. Shakespeare. 123. Hotspur reading a Letter. "But, for mine own part, my lord, I could be well contented to be there, in refpect of the love I bear your houfe." He could be contented to be there! Why is he not then? In refpect of the love he bears our houfe! He fhews in this, he loves his own barn better than he loves our houfe. Let me fee fome more. "The "purpose you undertake is dangerous," Why, that's certain: 'tis dangerous to take a cold, to fleep, to drink: but I tell you, my lord fool, out of this nettle dan ger, we pluck this flower fafety. "The perpofe you undertake is dangerous; "the friends you have named, uncertain; "the time itself, unforted; and your whole "plot too light, for the counterpoife of fo great an oppofition."Say you fo, fay you fo? I fay unto you again, you are a fhallow cowardly hind, and you lie. What a lackbrain is this! Our plot is a good plot as ever was laid; our friends true and conftant; a good plot, good friends, and full of expectation; an excellent plot, very good friends. What a frosty-fpirited rogue this is! Why, my lord of York, commends the plot, and the general courfe of the action. By this hand, if I were now by this rafcal, I could brain him with his lady's fan. Is there not my father, my uncle, and myfelf; lord Edmund Mortimer, my lord of York, and Owen Glendower? Is there not, befides, the Douglas? Have I not all their letters, to meet me in arms by the ninth of the next month? and are there not fome of them fet forward already? What a Pagan rafcal is this an infidel!-Ha! you fhall fee now, in very fincerity of fear and cold heart, will he to the king, and lay open all our proceedings. O! I could divide myfelf, and go to buffets, for moving fuch a dish of kimmed milk with fo honourable an action.-Hang him! let him tell the king. We are prepared, I will fet forward to-night. Ibid. $124. Falstaff's Soliloquy on Honour. Owe Heaven a death! 'Tis not due yet; and I would be loth to pay him before his day. What need I be fo forward with him that calls not on me? Well, 'tis no matter, honour pricks me on. But how if honour pricks me off when I come on? how then? Can honour fet to a leg? no: or an arm? no: or take away the grief of a wound? no. Honour hath no kill in furgery, then? no. What is honour? a word. What is that word honour? air; a trim reckoning. Who hath it? he that died a Wednesday. Doth he feel it? no. Doth he hear it? no. It is infenfible then? yea to the dead. But will it not live with the living? no. Why? detraction will not fuffer it; therefore, I'll none of it; honour is a mere 'fcutcheon ; and fo ends my catechism. Ibid. $125. The perfe Speaker: Imagine to yourselves a Demofthenes addreffing the most illuftrious affembly in the world, upon a point whereon the fate of the moft illuftrious of nations depended. How awful fuch a meeting! How vaft the fubject!-Is man poffeffed of talents adequate to the great occafion? Adequate yes, fuperior. By the power of his eloquence, the auguftness of the affembly is loft in the dignity of the orator; and the importance of the fubject, for a while, fuperfeded, by the admiration of his talents. With what strength of argument, with what powers of the fancy, with what emotions of the heart, does he affault and subjugate the whole man, and, at once, captivate his reafon, his imagination, and his paffions! To effect this, must be the utmost effort of the most improved state of human nature.-Not a faculty that he poffeffes, is here unemployed: not a faculty that he poffeffes, but is here exerted to its higheft pitch. All his internal powers are at work: all his external, teftify their ener gies. Within, the memory, the fancy, 302 the leaft refentment. The reverend Mr. Puff, a methodist preacher, was fo extravagantly zealous and laborious in his calling, that his friends were afraid he would bawl himfelf into a confumption. By my intereft with a noble lord, I procured him a living with a reasonable income; and he now behaves himself like a regular divine of the ellablifhed church, and never gets into a pulpit. the judgment, the paffions, are all bufy; affront imaginable without fhewing the without, every muscle, every nerve, is exerted: not a feature, not a limb, but speak. The organs of the body, attuned to the exertions of the mind, through the kindred organs of the hearers, inftantaneously, and as it were with an electrical fpirit, vibrates thofe energies from foul to foul.-Notwithstanding the diverfity of minds in fuch a multitude, by the lightning of eloquence, they are melted into one mafs-the whole affembly, actuated in one and the fame way, become, as it were, but one man, and have but one voice.-The univerfal cry is Let us march againft Philip-let us fight for our liberties-let us conqueror die! § 126. Distempers of the Mind cured. Sir, Being bred to the ftudy of phyfic, and having obferved, with forrow and regret, that whatever fuccefs the faculty may meet with in bodily distempers, they are generally baffled by diftempers of the mind, I have made the latter the chief fubject of my attention, and may venture to affirm, that my labour has not been thrown away. Though young iu my profeffion, I have had a tolerable fare of experience, and have a right to expect, that the credit of fome extraordinary cures I have performed will furnish me with opportunities of performing more. In the mean time, I require it of you, not as a favour to myself, but as an act of justice to the public, to infert the following in your Chronicle. Mr. Abraham Bufkin, taylor, was horri bly infected with the itch of ftage-playing, to the grievous difcomfiture of his wife, and the great detriment of nine fmall children. I prevailed with the manager of one of the theatres to admit him for a fingle night in the character of Othello, in which it may be remembered that a but ton-maker had formerly distinguished him felf; when, having fecured a feat in a convenient corner of the gallery, by the dexterous application of about three pecks of potatoes to the finciput and occiput of the patient, I entirely cured him of his deli. rium; and he has ever face betaken himfelf quietly to his needle and thimble. Mr. Edward Snap was of fo choleric a temper, and fo extremely apt to think himfelf affronted, that it was reckoned dangerous even to look at him. I tweaked him by the nofe, and administered the proper application behind; and he is now fo goodhumoured, that he will take the grofleft Mrs. Diana Bridle, a maiden lady, about forty years of age, had a conceit that the was with child. I advifed her to convert her imagiuary pregnancy into a real one, by taking a husband; and fhe has never been troubled with any fancies of that kind fiice. Mr. William Moody, an elderly gentleman, who lived in a folitary part of Kent, was apt to be very low fpirited in an easterly wind. I nailed his weathercock to a wefterly point; and at prefent, whichfoever way the wind blows, he is equally cheerful. Alexander Stingo, Efq; was fo ftrongly poffeffed by the fpirit of witticism, that he would not condefcend to open his lips for any thing less than an epigram. Under the influence of this malady he has been fo deplorably dull, that he has often been filent a whole week together. I took him into my own houfe; instead of laughing at his jefts, I either pronounced them to be puns, or paid no attention to them at all. In a month I perceived a wonderful alteration in him for the better: from thinking withcut fpeaking, he began to fpeak without thinking; at prefent never fays a good thing, and is a very agreeable companion. I likewife cured a lady of a longing for ortolans, by a dozen of Dunstable larks; and could fend you many other remarkable infances of the efficacy of my preferiptions; but these are fufficient for a fpecimen. I am, &c. Bonnel Thornton. of being a wit; and having forfaken his counter for Comus's Court, and dignified himself with the appellation of a Choice Spirit, is upon the point of becoming a bankrupt. Instead of diftributing his fhopbills as he ought, he waftes a dozen in a morning, by fcribbling fhreds of his nonfenfe upon the back of them; and a few days fince affronted an alderman, his beft cuftomer, by fending him a pound of prunes wrapt up in a ballad he had juft written, called, The Citizen outwitted, or a Bob for the Manfion-Houfe. He is likewife a regular frequenter of the play-houses, and, being acquainted with every underling of each theatre, is at an annual expence of ten pounds in tickets for their refpective benefits. They gene. rally adjourn together from the play to the tavern; and there is hardly a watchman, within a mile of Covent Garden, but has had his head or his lantern broke by one or other of the ingenious fraternity. I turned into his fhop this morning, and had no fooner fet my foot upon the thresh old, than he leaped over the counter, threw himfelf into an attitude, as he calls it, and afked me, in the words of fome play that I remember to have feen formerly, "Whe"ther I was a fpirit of health, or a goblin "damned?" I told him he was an undutiful young dog for daring to accoft his uncle in that irreverent manner; and bid him fpeak like a Chriftian, and a reafonable perfon. Inftead of being fenfible of my rebuke, he took off his wig, and having very deliberately given it two or three twirls upon his fift, and pitched it upon his head again, faid I was a dry old fellow, and fhould certainly afford them much entertainment at the club, to which he had the impudence to invite me: at the fame time he thruft a card into my hand, containing a bill of fare for the evening's entertainment; and, as a farther inducement, affured me that Mr. Twifter himself would be in the chair; that he was a great creature, and fo prodigiously droll, that though he had heard him fing the fame fongs, and repeat the fame ftories, a thousand times, he could ftill attend to him with as much pleasure as at first. I caft my eye over the lift, and can recollect ihe following items: "To all true Lovers of Fun and Jocularity. "Mr. Twister will this evening take off a cat, worried by two bull-dogs; ditto, making love in a gutter; the knife"grinder and his wheel; High-Dutch fquabble; and a hog in a flaughter"houfe." I allured him, that fo far from having any relith for thofe deteftable noifes, the more they refembled the originals the lefs I should like them; and, if I could ever be fool enough to go, fhould at leaft be wife enough to top my ears till I came out again. Having lamented my deplorable want of tafte, by the elevation of his eye-brows and a fignificant fhrug of his shoulders, he thruft his fore-finger again the infide of his cheek, and plucking it out of his mouth with a jerk, made a noite which very much refembled the drawing of a cork: Í found, that by this fignal he meant to ask me, if I chofe a whet? I gave my confent by a fulky kind of nod, and walked into the back-room, as much ashamed of my nephew as he ought to have been of himfelf. While he was gone to fetch a pint of mountain from the other fide of the street, I had an opportunity to minute down a few of the articles of which the litter of his apartment confifted, and have felected thefe, as the moft material, from among them: On one of the fconces by the chimney, a fmart grizzle bob gig, well oiled and powdered, feather-topt, and bagfronted. On the oppofite fconce, a feratch, On the window-feat, a Nankin waistcoat, bound with filver twift, without fkirts or pockets, ftained with red wine, and pretty much fhrunk. Item, A pair of buckskin breeches, in one pocket a cat-call, in the other the mouth of a quart bottle, chipt and ground into a fmooth ring, very fit to be used as a fpying glafs by thofe who never want one. Liem, A red plufh frock lappelled with ditto, one pocket ftuffed with orangepeel, and the other with fquare bits of white paper ready cut and dried Having taken this inventory of his goods and furniture, I fat down before the fire, to devife, if poffible, fome expedient to reclaim him; when, on a fudden, a found like the braying of an afs at my elbow, alarmed me to fuch a degree, that I started from my feat in an inftant, and, to my further aftonishment, beheld my nephew, almoft black in the face, covering his ear with the hollow of his hand, and exerting the whole force of his lungs in imitating that respectable animal: I was fo exafperated at this fresh inftance of his folly, that I told him haftily, he might drink his wine alone, and that I would never fee his face again, till he should think proper to appear in a character more worthy of himself and his family. He followed me to the door without making any reply; and, having advanced into the middle of the ftreet, fell to clapping his fides, and crowing like a cock, with the utmoft vehemence; and continued his triumphant ejaculations till I was fairly out of hearing. Having reached my lodging, I immediately refolved to fend you an account of his abfurdities; and fhall take this opportunity to inform him, that as he is bleit with fuch a variety of ufeful talents, and fo completely accomplished as a Choice Spirit, I hall not do him the injury to confider him as a tradefman, or mortify him hereafter by endeavouring to give him any affiftance in his bufinefs. I am, &c. B. Thornton. dial with her tea, because it otherwife would make her low-fpirited, But there is an epidemical diforder (that was formerly quite unknown, and even now wants a name) which feizes whole families here in town at this season of the year. As I can. not define it, I fhall not pretend to defcribe or account for it; but one would imagine, that the people were all bit by a mad dog, as the fame remedy is thought necessary. In a word, of whatever nature the complaint may be, it is imagined that nothing will remove it, but fpending the fummer months in fome dirty fifhing town by the fea-fhore; and the water is judged to be most efficacious, where there is the greatef refort of afflicted persons. I called upon a friend the other morning, in the city, pretty early, about bufinefs, when I was furprised to see a coach and four at the door, which the 'prentice and book keeper were loading with trunks, portmanteaus, baskets, and band-boxes. The front glass was fcreened by two round paper hat-cafes hung up before it; against one door was placed a guitar-cafe; and a red fattin cardinal, lined and edged with fur, was pinned against the other; while the extremities of an enormous hoop-petti, coat refted upon each window. Thefe pre. parations were undoubtedly for a journey: and when I came in, I found the family were equipped accordingly. The ladymother was dreffed in a joseph of scarlet duffil, buttoned down from the breaft to the feet, with a black filk bonnet, tied down to her head with a white handker $128. A Citizen's Family fetting out for chief: little mifs (about fixteen years of Sir, Brighthelmfione. That there are many diforders peculiar to the prefent age, which were entirely unknown to our forefathers, will (I believe) be agreed by all phyficians, efpecially as they find an increafe of their fees from them. Por inftance, in the language of the advertisement, "Never were nervous diforders more frequent:" we can hardly meet with a lady that is not naa-arvous to the laft degree, though our mothers and grandmothers fcarce ever heard the word Nerves: the gentlemen too are affectated in the fame manner; and even in the country this disorder has fpread like the fmall-pox, and infected whole villages. I have known a farmer tofs off a glafs of brandy in the morning to prevent hi hand shaking, while his wife has been obliged to have recourfe to the fame cor age) had a blue camblet jacket, cuffed and lappelled with pink fattin, with a narrow edging of filver lace, a black beaver hat, covered on the outside with white fhag, and cocked behind, with a filver button and loop, and a blue feather, The old gentleman had very little particular in his drefs, as he wore his ufual pompadourcoloured coat with gilt buttons; only he had added to it a fcarlet cloth waistcoat, with a broad tarnished gold lace, which was made when he was chofen of the common-council. Upon my entrance, I naturally asked them if they were going into the country; to which the old lady replied in the affirmative, at the fame time affuring me, that fhe was forry to take Mr. from his business, but he was obliged to it on account of her health. "Health!" fays the old gentleman, "I don't understand your whim-whams, " not |