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to bring the town to reason, mad? Is the thing which makes again himself. After man, who settles poetry on the balis of an he had turned over many volumes, said the tiquity, mad? See Longinus in my right seller to him,-Sir, you know I have long hand, and Aristotle in my left! (Calls after arked you to send me back the first volume the Doctor, the Bookseller, and the Nurs, from of French Sermons I formerly lent you. the top of the stairs.] I am the only man Sir, said the chapman, I have often looked among the moderns, that supports the ve for it but cannot find it: it is certainly nerable ancients. And am I to be aslar. loit; and I know not to whoin 1 lent it, it finated ? shall a bookseller, who has lived is so many years ago. Toen, Sir, here is upon my labours, take away that life to the other volume ; I'll send you home that, which he owes his fupport? [Goes into his and please to pay for both. My frier.d, garret, ord fuss the door. ]
replied he, can't thou be so lenseless, as not
to know, that one volume is as imperfect $ 120. The swo Bees.
in my library, as in your shop! Yes, Sir; On a fine morning in May, two bees fet but it is you have lot the firtt volume ; and, forward in queft of honey; the one wise to be short, I will be paid. Sir, answered and temperate, the other careless and ex the chapman, you are a young man; vor travagant. They soon arrived at a garden book is loft ; and learn, by this little loss, enriched with aromatic herbs, the most to bear much greater adversities, which fragrant Aowers, and the most delicious you must expect to meet with. Yes, Sir, fruits. They regaled themselves for a I'll bear when I must; but I have not lol time on the various dainties that were now, for I say you have it, and fall pay spread before them: the one loading his me. Friend, you grow warm ; I tell you, thigh at intervals with provisions for the the book is loft; and I foresee, in the hive against the distant winter; the other course even of a prosperous lise, that you sevelling in sweets, without regard to any will meet afflictions to make you mad, if thing but his present gratification. At you cannot bear this trifle. Sir, there is, in length they found a wide-mouthed phial, this case, no need of bearing, for you have that hung beneath the bough of a peach. the book. I say, Sir, I have not the tree, filled with honey ready-tempered, and book; but your passion will not let you heas exposed to their taste in the most alluring enough to be informed that I have it not manner. The thoughtless epicure, spite Learn resignation betimes to the distrelles of all his friend's remonftrances, plunged of this life : nay, do not fret and fume; it headlong into the vesel, resolving to in. is my duty to tell you that you are of an dulge hunself in all the pleasures of fen- impatient spirit; and an impatient spirit is fuality, The philosopher, on the other never without woe. Was ever any thing hand, sipped a little with caution : but be. like this !--Yes, Sir, there have been many ing Suspicious of danger, flew off to fruits things like this. The loss is but a trile; and flowers; where, by the moderation of but your temper is wanton, and incapable his meals, he improved his reBith for the of the least pain; therefore, let me advise true enjoyment of them. In the evening, you, be patient : the book is loft, burde however, he called upon his friend, to en. not you, for that reason, lose yourself. quire whether he would return to the hive;
Spectator. but found him furfeited in sweets, which he was as unable to leave, as to enjoy.
$ 122. Falfaff's Encomiums on Sacka Clogged in his wings, enteebled in his feet, A good therris-lack hach a two-fold opeand his whole franie totally enervated, he ration in it. It ascends me into the brain: was but just able to bid his friend adieu, dries me, there, all the fooliih, dull, and and to lament with his latest breath, that, crudy vapours which environ it; makes it though a taste of pleature might quicken apprehensive, quick, inventive; full of nimthe relish of life, an unre trained indul, ble, fiery, and dele&able hapes, which gence is inevitable destruction.
delivered over to the voice, the tongues which is the birth, becomes excellent wit
, § 111. Pleafant Scene of Anger, and the
- The second
property of Disappointment of it.
sherris, is, the wamming of the blood; which There caine jnto a bookseller's shop a before, cold and settled, left the liver white very learned man, with an erect solemn and pale, which is the badge of pufillaniair: who, though a person of great parts mity and cowardice. But the sherris warms otherwise, is flow in undertanding any it, and makes its course from the inwards
to the parts extreme. It illuminateth the month ? and are there not some of them face, which, as a beacon, gives warning to set forward already? What a Pagan rasall the rest of this little kingdom, man, to eal is this ! an infidel! Ha! you shall arm; and, then, the vital commoners, and see now, in very fincerity of fear and cold inland petty spirits, muster me all to their heart, will he to the king, and lay open all captain, the heart; who, great, and puffed our proceedings. O! I could divide myup with this retinue, doth any deed of cou. self, and go to buffeis, for moving such a tage, and this valour comes of therris. dish of skimmed milk with so honour. so that fill in the weapon is nothing with able an action.-Hang him! let hi:n tell out fack, for that sets it awork; and learn- the king. We are prepared, I will set ing a mere hoard of gold kept by a devil, forward to-night.
Ibid. till fack commences it, and lets it in act and ufe. Hereof comes it that Prince $ 124. Falfaj''s Soliloquy or Hontour. Harry is valiant; for the cold blood he did Owe Heaven a death! 'Tis not due naturally inherit of his father he hath, like yet; and I would be loth to pay him belean, sterile, and bare land, manured, hur. fore his day. What need I be so forward banded, and tilled, with drinking good, with him that calls not on me!--Well, and good store of fertile sherris:--If i had 'tis no matter, honour pricks me on. But a thousand sons, the first human principle how if honour pricks me off when I come I would teach them, should be To for. on? how then? Can honour fer to a leg? swear thin potations, and to addict them- no: or ani arm? no: or take away the felves to sack
Shakespearts grief of a wound ? no. Honour hath no
skill in surgery, then? no. What is ho$ 123. Hotspur reading a Letter.
nour? a word. What is that word ho. “ But, for mine own part, my lord, ( nous ? air; a trim reckoning. Who hath could be well contented to be there, in it? he that died a Wednesday, Doth he respect of the love I bear your house."
feel it ? no.
Doth he hear it? no. It is He could be contented to be there! insensible then? yea to the dead. But Why is he not then! In respect of the will it not live with the living? no. Why? love he bears our house ! He thews in this, detraction will not suffer it; therefore, i'll he loves his own barn better than he loves none of it; honour is a mere 'fcutcheon ; cur house. Let me see some more. “ The and so ends my catechism. Ibid. " purpose you undertake is dangerous," Why, that's certain: "tis dangerous to
$ 125. The perfeat Speaker. take a cold, to sleep, to drink : but let Imagine to yourselves a Demofthenes you, my lord fool, out of this nettle dan. addrelling the molt illustrious assembly in ger, we pluck this flower safety. “ The the world, upon a point whereon the fate « perpole you undertake is dangerous; of the most illuftrious of nations depended. " the friends you have named, uncertain; -How awful such a meeting! How vas u the time itself, unforted; and your whole the subject! Is man pofseffed of talents “ plot too light, for the counterpoise of fo adequate to the great occasion ? Adequate * great an opposition."Say you so, say yes, superior. By the power of his eloyou so? I say unto you again, you are a quence, the augurtness of the assembly is shallow cowardly hind, and you lie. What lost in the dignity of the orator ; and the a lack brain is this! Our plot is a good importance of the subject, for a while, fuplot as ever was laid ; our friends true and perseded, by the admiration of his talents. conftant; a good plot, good friends, and -With what strength of argument, with full of expectation; an excellent plot, what powers of the
fancy, with what emovery good friends. What a froky-spirited tions of the heart, does he assault and fubrogue this is ! Why, my lord of 'York, jugate the whole man, and, at once, capticommends the plot, and the general course vate his reason, his imagination, and his of the action. By this hand, if I were passions ! To effect this, must be the utnow by this rascal, I could brain him with most effort of the most improved state of his lady's fan. Is there not my father, human nature.-Not a faculty that he poso my uncle, and myself ; lord Edmund Mors fesses, is here unemployed: not a faculty timer, my lord of York, and Owen Glen. that he possesses, but is here exerted to its dower? Is there not, besides, the Dou- highest pitch. All his internal powers are glas i Have I not all their letters, to at work : all his external, testify their enere meet me in arms by the ninth of the next gies. Within, the memory, the fancy,
the judgment, the passions, are all busy; affront imaginable without thewing the without, every muscle, every nerve, is ex least resentment. erted : not a feature, not a limb, but speak. The reverend Mr. Puff, a methodist The organs of the body, attuned to the preacher, was so extravagantly zealous exertions of the mind, through the kindred and laborious in his callir:g, that his organs of the hearers, instantaneously, and friends were afraid he would bawl himself as it were with an electrical spirit, vibrates into a consumption. By my interest with those energies from soul to soul.-Not a nol-le lord, I procured him a living with withstanding the diversity of minds in such a reasonable income; and he now behaves a multitude, by the lightning of eloquence, himself like a regular divine of the eilathey are melted into one maliarthe whole blilled church, and never gets into a pulassembly, actuated in one and the fame pit. way, become, as it were, but one man, and Mrs. Diana Bridle, a maiden lady, about have but one voice.—The universal cry is forty years of age, had a cor.ceit that the
Let us march against Philip-let us was with child. I advised her to convert fight for our liberties-- let us conqueror her imagiuary pregnancy into a real one, die!
by taking a husband; and she has never § 126. Disiempers of the Mind cured.
been troubled with any farcies of that kind
Mr. William Moody, an elderly gen. Being bred to the study of physic, and tleman, who lived in a solitary part of having observed, with sorrow and regret, Kent, was apt to be very low spirited in that whatever success the faculty may meet with in bodily distempers, they are gene- cock to a wefterly point; and at present,
an easterly wind. I nailed his weather. rally baffled by distempers of the mind, I whichsoever way the wind blows, he is have made the latter the chief subject of
equally cheerful. my attention, and may venture to affirm,
Alexander Stingo, Esq; was so strongly that my labour has not been thrown away. pofleffed by the spirit of witticism, that he Though young iu my profeffion, I have would not condescend to open his lips for had a tolerable fare of experience, and lrave a right to expect, that the credit of the influence of this malady he has been
any thing less than an epigram. Under fome extraordinary cures I have performed fo deplorably dull, that he has often been will furnith me with opportunities of per- filent a whole week together. I took him forming more. In the mean time, I require if of you, not as a favour to myself
, his jefts, I either pronounced them to be
into my own house; initead of laughing at but as an act of justice io the public, toinfert the following in your Chronicle.
puns, or paid no atiention to them at all. In Mr. Abraham Buskin, taylor, was horri. in him for the better: from thinking with
a month I perceived a wonderful alteration bly infected with the itch of stage-playing, cut speaking, he began to speak without to the grievous discomfiture of his wite, thinking; at present never says a good and the great deuiment of nine small chil thing, and is a very agreeable companion
. dren. I prevailed with the manager of I likewise cured a lady of a longing for one of the theatres to admit him for a fingle night in the chara&ter of Othello, in and could lend you many other remark
ortolans, by a dozen of Dunstable larks; which it may be remembered that a but. able indiances of the eficacy of my pre: ton-maker had formerly distinguished him- fcriptions; but these are sufficient for å tilf; when, having secured a seat in a convenient corner of the gallery, by the dex
I am, &c. fpecimen.
Bonnel Tborator. terous application of about three pecks of potatoes to the finciput and occiput of the
Character of a Choice Spirit. patient, I entirely cured him of his deli. rium; and he has ever since betaken him Sir, felf quietly to his needle and thimble. That a tradesman bas no business with
Mr. Edward Snap was of fo choleric a humour, unless perhaps in the way of his temper, and so extremely apt to think him- dealing; or with writing, unless in his felf affronted, that it was reckoned danger-: thop-book, is a truth, which I believe noous even to look at him. I tweaked him body will dispute with me. I am so unforby the nose, and administered the proper tunate however as to have a nephew, who application behind; and he is now so good- not contented with being a groeer, is in liumoured, that he will take the grofieft danger of absolute ruin by his ambition
of being a wit; and having forfiken his “ squabble; and a hog in a flaughtercounter for Comus's Court, and dignified
" house." himself with the appellation of a Choice I allured him, that fo far from having Spirit, is upon the point of becoming a any relish for those deteítable noises, the bankrupt. Instead of diftributing his shop- more they resembled the originals the less bills as he ought, he walles a dozen in a [ should like them; and, if I could ever morning, by scribbling shreds of his non be fool enough to go, Mould at least be fense upon the back of them; and a few wise enough to stop my ears till I came out days firce affronted an alderman, his best again. customer, by sending him a pound of prunes Having lamented my deplorable wang wrapt up in a ballad he had just written, of talie, by the elevation of his eye-brows called, The Citizen outwitted, or a Bob and a significant shrug of his ihoulders, he for the Mansion-Hocłe.
thrust his fore-finger against the inside of He is likewise a regular frequenter of his cheek, and plucking it out of his mouth the play-houses, and, being acquainted with a jerk, made a noite which very much with every underling of each theatre, is at resembled the drawing of a cork: I found, an annual expence of ten pounds in tickets that by this signal he incant to aik me, if for their respective benefits. They gene. I chose a whet? I gave my consent by a rally adjourn together from the play to the fulky kind of nod, and walked into the tavern; and there is hardly a watchman, back-room, as much ashamed of my newithin a mile of Covent Garden, but has phew as he ought to have been of himhad his head or his lantern broke by one felf. While he was gone to fetch a pint of or other of the ingenious fraternity. mountain from the other side of the street,
I turned into his hop this morning, and I had an opportunity to minute down a had no sooner set my foot upon the threshe few of the articles of which the litter of old, than he leaped over the counter, threw his apartment consisted, and have selected himself into an attitude, as he calls it, and these, as the most material, from among aked me, in the words of some play that them : I remember to have seen formerly, “ Whe On one of the sconces by the chimney, “ ther I was a spirit of health, or a goblin a smart grizzle bob.gig, well oiled
damned ?" I told him he was an undu and powdered, feather-topt, and bag. tiful young dog for daring to accost his fronted. uncle in that irreverent manner; and bid On the opposite sconce, a scratch, him speak like a Christian, and a reason On the window-seat, a Nankin wailtable person. Instead of being sensible of coat, bound with Glver twist, without my rebuke, he took off his wig, and have skirts or pockets, stained with red ing very deliberately given it two or three wine, and pretty much Mrunk. twirls upon his fist, and pitched it upon his Item, A pair of buckskin breeches, in head again, said I was a dry old fellow, one pocket a cat-cal), in the other and should certainly afford them much the mouth of a quart bottle, chipt and entertainment at the club, to which he had ground into a imooth ring, very fic the impudence to invite me: at the same to be used as a spying glass by those time he thrust a card into my hand, con who never want one. taining a bill of fare for the evening's en. liem, A red plush frock lappelled with tertainment; and, as a farther inducement, ditto, one pocket stuffed with orangeassured me that Mr. Twister himself would peel, and the other with square bits be in the chair ; that he was a great crea of white paper ready cut and dried ture, and so prodigiously droll, that though for a shower. he had heard him fing the same songs, and In the corner, a walking-staff, not portrepeat the same stories, a thousand times, able, he could sti!l attend to him with as much Item, A small switch. pleasure as at first. I cast my eye over the On the head of the bureau, a letter-case, lift, and can recollect ihe following items : containing a play-bill, and a quack" To all true Lovers of Fun and Jocularity.
bill; a copy of verses, being an en
comium upon Mr. Twister; another “ Mr. Twister will this evening take off of four lines, which he calls a distich; a cat, worried by two bull-dogs; ditto, and a third, very much blotted and
making love in a gutter; the knife scratched, and yet not finished, en* grinder and his wheel; High-Dutch titled, An Extempore Epigram.
Having taken this inventory of his goods dial with her tea,
because it otherwise would and furniture, I sat down before the firę, make her low-spirited, But there is an to devise, if polible, some expedient to re- epidemical disorder (that was formerly claim him; when, on a sudden, a sound like quite unknown, and even now wants a the braying of an ass at my elbow, alarmed name).which seizes whole families here in me to such a degree, that I itarted from town at this season of the year. As I can. my seat in an instant, and, to my further not define it, I shall not pretend to describe astonishment, beheld my nephew, almost or account for it: but one would imagine, black in the face, covering his ear with that the people were all bit by a mad dog, the hollow of his hand, and exerting the as the same remedy is thought necessary. whole force of his lungs in imitating that In a word, of whatever nature the comrespectable animal: I was so exasperated plaint may be, it is imagined that nothing at thiş freth instance of his folly, that I will remove it, but spending the summer told him haftily, he might drink his wine months in fome dirty fishing town by the alone, and that I would never see his face sea-lhore; and the water is judged to be again, till he should think proper to appear most efficacious, where there is the greatest in a character more worthy of himself
and resort of afflicted persons. his family. He followed me to the door Į called upon a friend the other morn. without making any reply; and, having ing, in the city, pretty early, about busiadvanced into the middle of the street, feil neis, when I was surprised to see a coach to clapping his sides, and crowing like a and four at the door, which the 'prentice cock, with the utmost vehemence; and and book keeper were loading with trunks, continued his triumphant ejaculations till portmanteaus, baskets, and band-boxes. I was fairly out of hearing.
The front glass was screened by two round Having reached my lodging, I imme- paper hat-cases hung up before it ; against diately resolved to send you an account of one door was placed a guitar-case; and a his absurdities; and (hall take this oppor- red fattin cardinal, lined and edged with tunity to inform him, that as he is bleilt with fur, was pinned against the other ; while such a variety of useful talents, and so com- the extremities of an enormous hoop-petri pletely accomplished as a Choice Spirit, I coat rested upon each window. These pre. Thall not do him the injury to consider him parations were undoubtedly for a journey: as a tradesman, or mortify him hereafter and when I came in, I found the family by endeavouring to give him any assistance were equipped accordingly. The lady, in his business,
mother was dressed in a joseph of scarlet I am, &c.
duffil, buttoned down from ihe breaft to B. Thornton. the feet, with a black filk bonnet, tied
down to her head with a white handker. $128. A Citizen's Family setting out for chief: little miss (about fixteen years of Brigbubelmfione.
age) had a blue camblet jacket, cuffed and Sir,
lappelled with pink fattin, with a narrow That there are many disorders peculiar edging of filver laçe, a black beaver hat, to the prcíent age, which were entirely covered on the outside with white shag, unknown to our forefathers, will (I be- and cocked behind, with a silver button lieve) be agreed by all physicians, cfpe- and loop, and a blue feather, The old cially as they find an increase of their fees gentleman had very little particular in his from them. Por instance, in the language dress, as he wore his usual pompadourof the advertisement, “ Never were ner coloured coat with gilt buttons ; only he " vous disorders more frequent:" we can had added to it a scarlet cloth waistcoat, hardly meet with a lady that is not na with a broad tarnished gold lace, which 2-arvous to the last degree, though our was made when he was chosen of the come mothers and grandmothers scarce ever mon-council. Upon my entrance, I datuheard the word Nerves : the gentlemen too rally asked them if they were going into are afectated in the same manner; and the country; to which the old lady replied even in the country this disorder has spread in the affirmative, at the same time affurlike the small-pox, and infected whole vil. ing me, that she was sorry to take Mr. lages. ļ have known a farmer tofs off a
from his business, but she was glass of brandy in the morning to prevent obliged to it on account of her health, hi hand making, while his wife has been “ Health !” says the old gentleman, “I obliged to have recourse to the same cor “ don't underitand your whim-whams,