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* not I; here it has coft me the Lord knows fion of jigging it to the delightful mufic of u what in doctors ftuff already, without country scrapers,-to say nothing of the “ your being a pin the better for it; and calmer and less fudorific exercise of the “ now you must lug me and all the family card-table. But what is most ridiculous, « to Brighthelmstone." "Why, my dear," is the attention paid to dress in these pubsaid the lady, “ you
lic retirements, where a gentleman or a « tells me, there is nothing will do my lady is expected to appear as gay as at “ fpirits fo much good as bathing in the court, or at Ranelagh; consequently, as “ sea,” “ The sea !” said the old gen- foon as you arrive at them, you have bills tleman; why then could not you have civilly thruft into your hands, acquainting “ taken lodgings at Gravesend, where I you, that there is such an one, a milliner, “ might have easily come in the evening, and such an one, an hair-dresser, from “ and gone back rime enough for 'Change London. “ in the morning ?” The good lady told I am a fincere well-wisher to your pa. him that he had no taste, that people of the per, &c. bett fashion went to Brighthelmitone, and
ANTHONY FRESHWATER. that it was high time their girl should see
B. Tbornton. a little of the world. To this miss affented, by declaring, that indeed she had been no § 129. Character of a mighty good Kind of where but to the play, and the cattle.con
Man. cert, since she had left the boarding school. Sir, Both the females then asked me an hundred I have always thought your mighty good questions, such as, whether the sea looked kind of man to be a very good-for-nothing green, and how much bigger it was than fellow; and whoever is determined to the Thames,-ill the maid gave them no think otherwise, may as well pass over tice that every thing was put up. Ac- what follows. cordingly, I saw them into the coach; and The good quaKties of a mighty good the old lady did not forget to take the kind of man (if he has any) are of the ne. pug-dog with her, who, she declared, gative kind. He does very little harm; Thould go every morning into the sea, but you never find him do any good. He as she had been told it was good for the is very decent in appearance, and takes mange.
care to have all the externals of fense and I cannot but agree with my city friend, virtue; but you never perceive the heart that lodgings at Gravesend would answer concerned in any word, thought, or action. all the common purposes of a jaunt to Not many love him, though very few think Brighthelmstone ; for though one pretence ill of him: to him every body is his « Dear for visiting these places is, going into the Sir," though he cares not a farthing for country, people in fact do not leave town, any body but himself
. If he writes to you, but rather carry London with them. Their though you have but the flighteft acquaintway of living is exactly the same as here, ance with him, he begins with Dear Sir," and their amusements not very different. and ends with, “I am, good Sir, your ever They suffer themselves to be mewed up in “ fincere and affectionate friend, and most a little dirty lodging, with not half so good « obedient humble servant." a prospect, or so good an air, as in the high generally find him in company with older road at Islington or Knightsbridge. Their persons than himfelf, but always with richmornings are drauled away, with perhaps er. He does not talk much ; but he has a a saunter upon the beach, which commands “ Yes,” or a “ True, Sir," or You obthe delightful view of half a dozen hoys, " serve very right, Sir,” for every word and as many filhing.smacks; and if it was that is said ; which, with the old gentry, not for a lounge at the coffee-house, or the that love to hear themselves talk, makes bookseller's, they would be at a loss how him pafs for a mighay sensible and discernto fill up the vacant hours till dinner. The ing, as well as a mighty good kind of man. evenings would hang no less heavy on their It is so familiar to him to be agreeable, hands, but for the ingenious contrivance of and he has got such a habit of asienting to the assembly-room; where, instead of en- every thing advanced in company, that he joying the cool temperature of the open does it without the troubleofthinking what air, they choose to swelter in a crowd, and he is about. I have known such a one, afbe almost fuffocated with their own breaths. ter having approved an observation made Add to this she refreshing summer diver. by one of the company, afsent with “What
• You are very
you say is very just,” to an oppofite fen- posing each other, but through eagerness timent from another : and I have frequent
to approve what each other said. I caught ly made him contradiet himself five vimes them frequently, crying, “ Yes,” togein a minute. As the weather is a principal ther, and “
very true,' and favourite topic of a mighty good kind right, my dear Sir;” and at last, having of man, you may make him agree, that it exhausted their favourite topic of, what is very hot, very cold, very cloudy, a fine news, and the weather, they concluded with sunshine, or it rains, snows, hails, or freezes, each begging to have the vait pleasure of all in the same hour. The wind may be an agreeable evening with the other very high, or not blowv at all; it may be East, soon; but parted without naming either West, North, or South, South Ealt and by time or place. Eait, or in any point in the compass, or I remember, at Westminster, a mighty any point not in the compass, just as you good kind of boy, though he was geneplease. This, in a ttage-coach, makes him rally hated by his school. fellows, was the a mighty agrecable companion, as well as darling of the dame where he boarded, as a mighty good kind of man. He is so ci- by nis means the knew who did all the vil, and so well-bred, that he would keep mischief in the house. He always finished you standing half an hour uncovered, in the his exercise before he went to play : you rain, rather than he would step into your could never find a false concord' in his chariot before you : and the dinner is in prose, or a false quality in his verse ; and danger of growing cold, if you attempt to he made huge amends for the want of sense piace him at the upper end of the table. He and spirit in his compositions, by having wouli nct fuffer a glass of wine to approach very few grammatical errors. If you could his lips, till he had drank the health of not call him a scholar, you must allow he half the company, and would sooner rise took great pains not to appear a dunce. hungry from table, than not drink to the At the university he never failed attending other half before dinner is over, left he his tutor's lectures, was constant at prayers fhould offend any by his neglect. He ne- night and morning, never missed gates, or ver forgets to hub or nob with the lady of the hall at meal-times, was regular in his the family, and by no means omits to tcast acadeinical exercises, and took pride in ap. her fire-lide. He is sure to take notice of pearing, on all occafions, with matters of little master and miss, when they appear arts, and he was happy, beyond measure, after dinner, and is very afliduous to win in being acquainted with some of the heads their little hearts by almonds and raisins, of houses, who were glad through him to which he never fails to carry about him know what pailed among the under-grafor that purpose. This of course recom duates. Though he was not reckoned, by mends him to mamma's efeem: and he is the college, to be a Newton, a Locke, or a not only a mighty good kind of man, but Bacon, he was universally elicemed by the she is certain he would make a mighty senior part, to be a mighty good kind of good husband.
young man; and this even placid turn of No man is half so happy in his friend, mind has recommended him to no small fhips. Almost every one he names is a preferment in the church. friend of his, and every friend a mighty
We may observe, when there mighty good kind of man. I had the honour of good kind of young nen come into the walking lately with one of those good crea- world, their attention to appearances and tures from the Royal Exchange to Picca- externals, beyond which the generality of dilly; and, I believe, he puiled off his hat people feldom examine, procures them a to every third person we met, with a much better subfiitence, and a more repu“ How do you do, my dear Sir!” though, table situation in life, than ever their abiI found he hardly knew the names of five lities, or their merit, could otherwise entitle of these intimate acquaintances. I was them to. Though they are seldom advanced highly entertained with the greeting be- very high, yet, if such a one is in orders, tween my companion, and another mighty he gets a tolerable living, or is appointed good kind of man that we met in the Strand.
tutor to a dance of quality, or is made comYou would have thought they were bro- panion to him on his travels ; and then, on thers, and that they had not scen one an his return, he is a mighty polite, as well as other for many years, by their mutual ex a mighty good kind of man. If he is to pressions of joy at meeting. They both be a lawyer, his being such a mighty gaod talked together, not with a design of op- kind of man will make the attornies sup
ply him with special plendings or bills and without good-breeding, kind without answers to draw, as he is fuficiently qua- good-nature, friendly without affection, and lified by his flow genius to be a dray-horse devout without religion. She withes to be of the law. But though he can never hope thought every thing she is not, and would to be a chancellor, or an archbishop, yet, if have others looked upon to be every thing he is admitted of the medical college in the really is. If you will take her word, Warwick-lane, he will have a good chance se detests scandal from her heart: yet, if to be at the top of their profession, as the a young lady happens to be talked of as success of the faculty depends chiefly on being too gáy, with a fignificant thrug of old women, fanciful and hysterical young her thoulders, and shake of her head," nc ones, whimsical men, and young children; confefies, “ It is too true, and the whole among the generality of whom, nothing town says the same thing.” She is the recommends a person so much as his being most compasionate creature living, and is a mighty good kind of man.
ever pitying one person, and forry for anoI muit own, that a good man, and a man ther. She is a great dealer in buts, and of sense, certainly should have every thing ifs, and half sentences, and does more milthat this kind of man has; yet, if he pol- chief with a may be, and I'll say no more, fesses no more, much is wanting to finish than he could do by speaking out. She and complete his character. Many are confirms the truth of any story more by her deceived by French píte : it has the luftre fears and doubts, than if the had given and brilliancy of a real diamond: but the proof positive; though she always concludes want of hardness, the essential property of with a “ Let us hope otherwise.” this valuable jewel, discovers the counter One principal business of a mighty good feit, and shews it to be of no intrinsic value fort of woman is the regulation of families : whatsoever. If the head and the heart are and the extends a visitatorial power over left out in the character of any man, you all her acquaintance. She is the umpire might as well look for a perfect beauty in in all differences between man and wife, a female face without a nose, as to expect which she is sure to foment and increase by to find a valuable man without fenfibility pretending to settle them; and her great and understanding. But it often happens, impartiality and regard for both leads her that these mighty good kind of men are always to side with one against the other. wolves in sheep's clothing; that their want She has a most penetrating and discerning of parts is supplied by an abundance of cun- eye into the faults of the family, and takes ning, and the outward behaviour and de caie to pry into all their secrets, that she portment calculated to entrap the short- may reveal them. If a man happens to fighted and unwary.
stay out too late in the evening, she is sure Where this is not the case, I cannot to rate him handsomely the next time the belp thinking that these kind of men are sees him, and takes special care to tell him, no better than blanks in the creation : if in the hearing of his wife, what a bad hulthey are not unjust stewards, they are cer band he is: or if the lady goes to Ranetainly to be reckoned unprofitable servants; lagh, cr is engaged in a party at cards, llie and I would recommend, that this harm- will keep the poor husband company, that less, inoffenfive, infipid, mighty good kind he might not be dull, and entertains him of man should be married to a character of all the while with the imperfections of his a very different lamp, the mighty good wife. She has also the entire disposal of fort of woman--anaccount of whom I hall the children in her own hands, and can give you in a day or two.
disinherit them, provide for them, marry I am your humble servant, &c. them, or confine them to a state of celi
B. Thornton. bacy, just as she pleases: The fixes the lad's $ 130. Character of a mighty good Sort the university; and has sent many an un
pocket-money at school, and allowance at of l'oman.
toward boy to sea for education. But the I fuppose the feniale part of my readers young ladies are more immediately under are very impatient to see the character of her eye, and, in the grand point of matria mighty good sort of a woman; and doubt. mony, the choice or refusal depends solely leís every mighty good kind of man is upon her. One gentleman is too young, anxious to know what sort of a wife I another too old; one will run out his for. have picked out for him.
tune, another has too little; one is a pro. The mighty good fort of woman is civil fęfled rake, another a fly finner ; and the
frequently tells the girl, “ 'Tis time enough unforgiving temper. Heaven knows, the
to marryyet," till at last there is nobody bears nobody any ill-will; but if a tradeswill have her. But the most favourite oc man has disobliged her, the honestett man cupation of a mighty good sort of woman in all the world becomes the moft arrant is, the superinteodance of the servants: the rogue; and the cannot rest till the has protests, there is not a good one to be got; persuaded all her acquaintance to turn him the men are idle, and thieves, and the maids off as well as herself. Every one is with are sluts, and good-for-nothing hufiles. In her “ The best creature in the universe," her own family the takes care to separate while they are intimate, but upon any the men from the maids, at night, by the flight difference-"Oh he was vaftly whole height of the house; these are lodged " miltaken in the persons ;- the thought in the garret, while John takes up his rooite “ them good fort of bodies--but-the ing place in the kitchen, or is suffed into “ has done with thein :- other people the turn-up feat in the passage, close to the “ will find them out as well as herseli: street-door. She rises at five in the fum
that's all the harm the wilhes mer, and at day-light in the winter, to de " them.” tect them in giving away broken victuals, As the mighty good fort of women dis. coals, candles, &c. and her own footman is fer from each other, according to their age employed the whole morning in carrying and situation in life, I thall endeavour to letters of information to the matters and point out their several marks, by which we mistresses, wherever she sees, or rather ima- inay distinguish them. And firit, for the gines, this to be practised. She has caused most common character: If he happens many a man-servant to lose his place for to be of that neutral sex, an old maid, you' romping in the kitchen; and many a maid may find her out by her prim look, her forhas been turned away, upon her account, mal gefture, and the see-saw motion of her for dreffing at the mer, as the calls it, look. head in conversation. Though a moft rigid ing out at the window, or standing at the Protelant, her religion favours very much ftreet-door, in a summer's evening. I am of the Roman Catholic, as she holds that acquainted with three maiden-liiters, all almost every one must be damned except mighty good fort of women, who, to pre. herself. But the leaven that runs mottly vent any ill consequences, will not keep a through her whole composition, is a detel
. footman at all; and it is at the rik of their tation of that odious creature, man, whom place, that the maids have any comers after she affects to loath as much as some people iheni, nor will, on any account, a bro- do a rat or a toad; and this affectation the ther or a male cousin, be suffered to visit cloaks under a pretence of a love of God, them.
at a time of life when it must be supposed, A distinguishing mark of a mighty good that she can love nobody, or rather nobody fort of woman is, her extraordinary pre loves her. If the mighty good sort of body tenfions to religion: she never misses church is young and unmarried, besides the usual twice a day, in order to take notice of those tokens you may know her by her quarwho are absent; and she is always lament- selling with her brothers, thwarting her ing the decay of piety in these days. With filters, snapping her father, and over-sulsome of them, the good Dr. Whitfield, or ing her mother, though it is ten to one the the good Dr. Romaine, is ever in their is the favourite of both. All her acquaintinouths: and they look upon the whole ance cry her up as a mighty discreet bench of bishops to be very Jews in com- kind of body; and as the affects an indif
. parison of these faints. The mighty good ference for the men, though not a total ans fort of wonian is also very charitable in tipathy, it is a wonder if the giddy girls, outward appearance; for, though she would her fitters, are not married before her
, riot relieve a family in the utmott distress, which she would look upon as the greatest the deals out her halfpence to every com mortification that could happen to her, mon beggar, particularly at the church Among the mighty good sort of women in door; and she is eternally foliciting other wedlock, we must not reckon the came dopeople to contribute to this or that public mestic animal, who thinks it her duty to charity, though she herself will not give take care of her house, and be obliging to tixpence to any one of them. An universal her husband. On the contrary, she is nego benevolence is another characteristic of a ligent of her home-affairs, and studies to Inighty good sort of woman, which renders recommend herself more abroad than in her (as ftrange as it may seem) of a moft her own house. If the pays a regular round
of visits, if the behaves decently at the but will shun you a few hours after, at court, card-table, if she is ready to come into any as a pick-pocket (though you be a man of party of pleasure, if the pays no regard to good sense, good family, and good chaher husband, and puts her children out to racer) for having no other blemish than nurse, she is not a good wife, or a good that your modesty or diffidence perhaps has mother, perhaps ; but she is a mighty occasioned your being a long time in the good fort of woman.
army, without attaining the rank of a geAs I disposed of the mighty good kind neral
, or at the law, without being called of man in marriage, it may be expected, within the bar. I could recite many inthat I should find out a proper match also stances of this kind of polite high-breedfor the mighty good fort of woman. To ing, that every man of little station, who tell you my opinion then if the is old, I has been a quality-broker, has often expewould give her to a young rake, being the rienced; but I hall wave that, and concharacter the loves beft at her heart :-or, clude by shewing you, how certainly to if she is mighty young, mighty handsome, avoid fuch contempt, and even decoy his mighty rich, as well as a mighty good fort lordship out of his walk to take notice of of woman, I will marry hor myself, as I am you, who would not have known you had unfortunately a batchelor.
you continued in his. Your very humble servant, &c. The method is this : suppose we see my
B. Thornton, lord coming towards Spring garden, un$ 131. On the affe&ted Strangeness of some meeting him, approach fo near only, that
der Marlborough garden-walk; inftead of Men of Quality.
you are certain, from the convexity of his Sir,
eye (for they are all very near-sighted) As you are a mighty good kind of man, that he sees you, and that he is certain you and seem willing to set your press to any fee and know him. This done, walk deli. subject whereby the vices or follies of your berately to the other side of the Mall, and, countrymen may be corrected or amended, my life for ic, his lordship either trots over I beg leave to offer you the following re to you, or calls you by your surname, to marks on the extraordinary, yet common, him. His pride is alarmed; he cannot behaviour of some part of our nobility to- conceive the reason, why one, he has all wards their sometimes intimate, though along considered would be proud of the leaft inferior acquaintance.
mark of his countenance, mould avoid takIt is no less common than extraordinary, ing an even chance for so great an honour to meet a nobleman in London, who itares as a bow or a nod.But I would not be you full in the face, and seems quite a understood, that his lordship is not much franger to it; with whom you have spent offended at you, though he make you a the preceding summer at Harwich or visit the next day, and never did before, in Brighthelmstone; with whom you have order to drop you for ever after, left you often dined; who has often fingled you should him. This is not conjecture, but out and taken you under his arm to ac. what I have often put in practice with succompany him with a tête-à-tête walk; who cess, if any success it is to be so noticed ; has accosted you, all the summer, by your and, as a further proof of it, I do assure surname, but, in the winter, does not re you, I had once the honour of being somemember either your name, or any feature times known to, and by, several lords, and in your face.
lost all their friendship, because I would I hall not attempt to describe the pain not let them know me at one time very such right honourable behaviour, at first intimately, at another, not at all—for which meeting, gives to a man of sensibility and loss I do not at all find myself the worse. sentiment, nor the contempt he must cons
I am your humble servant, ceive for such ennobled beings. Another
B. Thornton, class of these right honourable intimates are indeed so far condescending, as to fub. $132. On the Arrogance of younger Bromit to own you a liede, if it be in a corner
ibers of Quality. of the street; or even in the Park, if it be Sir, at a distance from any real good company. Though it is commonly said, that pride Their porters will even let you into their and contempt for inferiors are strongly imhouses, if my lord has no company; and they planted in the breasts of our nobility, it themselves will receive yoa very civillý, must be allowed, that their politeness and