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cloistered up (as it were) in a nunnery? matism; she has therefore put on her specThis is my hard case: my aunt, who is a tacles, ordered the great family-bible into woman of the last age, took me down with the hall, and is going to read prayers herher this summer to her house in Northamp- felf to the servants. I excused myself from tonshire; nor shall I be released from my being present, by pretending an head-ach, prison till the time of the coronation, which and stole into my closet in order to divert will be as joyful to me as the act of grace myself in writing to you. How I fhail be to an insolvent debtor. My time, how- able to go through the rest of the day, I ever, is spent agreeably enough, as far as know not; as the rain, I believe, will not any thing can be agreeable in the country, fuffer us to stir out, and we shall fit mopas we live in a good neighbourhood, see a ing and yawning at one another, and lookgood deal of company, pay a good many ing stupidly at the rain out of the Gothic vilits, and are near enough Altrop-Wells window in the little parlour, like the clean, for me to play at cards at all the public and unclean bealts in Noah's ark. It is breakfaftings, and to dance at the afiem- said, that the gloomy weather in Novemblies. But, as I told you, my aunt is an ber induces Englishmen commonly to make old-falhioned lady, and has got queer no away with themselves; and, indeed, contions of I know not what. I dread nothing
I dread nothing fidering the weather, and all together, I so much as the coming roupå of Sunday, believe I fall be tempted to drown myself which is sure to prove, to me at least, a at once in the pond before the door, or day of penance and mortification. In the fairly tuck myself up in my own garters. morning we are dragged, in the old family I am your very humble servant, coach, to the parish-church, not a fone's
DOROTHY THURSDAY. throw off the house, for grandeur-fake;
B. Thornton. and, though I dress me ever so gay, the ignorant bumkins take no more notice of
$ 136. On the Militia. me than they do of my aunt, who is muf
Aug. 9, 1761. fied up to the chin. At dinner we never
The weather here in England is as unsee a creature but the parson, who never settled and variable as the tempers of the
fails coming for his customary fee of roast- people; nor can you judge, from the apbeef and plum pudding; in the afternoon pearance of the sky, whether it will rain or the same dull work of church-going is re- hold up for a moment together, any more peated; and the evening is as melancholy than you can tell by the face of a man, as it is to a criminal who is to be executed whether he will lour in a frown, or clear the next morning. When I first came up in a smile. An unexpected power has down, I proposed playing a game at whit, obliged me to turn into the first inn; and and invited the doctor to make a fourth; I think I may e'en as well país my time in but my aunt looked upon the very mention writing for your paper, especially as I have of it as an abomination. I thought there nothing elle to do, having examined a!! could be no harm in a little innocent music; the prints in the room, read over all the and therefore, one morning, while she was rhymes, and admired all the Dear N1iffes and getting ready for church, I began to tune Charming Miles on the window-pancs. my guitar, the found of which quickly
As I had the honour to pay my thilling brought her down stairs, and he vowed the at the ordinary in this town with some of would break it all to pieces, if I was so the officers of the militia, I am enabled to wicked as to touch it; though I offered to send you a fe:v thoughts on that subjed. compromise the matter with her, by play- With respect to the common men, it will ing nothing but psalm tunes to please her. be sufficient to observe, that in many miliI hate reading any thing, but especially tary practices, no body of regulars can good books, as my aunt calls them, which pollibly exceed them. Their prowess in are dull at any time, but much duller on a marauding is unquestionable; as they are Sunday; yet my aunt wonders I will not sure to take prisoners whatever ftragglers employ myself, when I have nothing to do, they meet with on their march, such as in reading Nelson on the Feafts and Faits, geefe, turkies, chickens, &c. and have or a chapter in the Bible. You must know, been often known to make a perfect delart that the day I write this on is Sunday; and of a farmer's yard. By the bye, it is posit happens to be fo very rainy, that my fibly on this account, that a turkey bears fo aunt is afraid to venture herself in the damp great an antipathy to the colour of red. church, for fear of increasing her theu. These fellows are, indeed, so intrepid, that
they will attack any convoy of provisions The short jerkin, striped waistcoat, leather that falls in their way; and my landlord breeches, and livery of the hunt, are exassures me, that as soon as they come into changed for an elegant laced uniform ; the a town, they immediately lay close fiege bob-wig has sprouted to a queue; the to the pantry and kitchen, which they com. boots are cast off for filk stockings and monly take by storm, and never give any turned pumps; and the long whip has given quarter; as also, that they are excellent mi- place to a gold-hilted sword, with a Hamners, in wesking their way into the cellar. ing sword-knot. They have reconciied
I litile imagined that I hould have met themselves to rofiles, and can make a bow, with my old university acquaintance Jack and come into a room with a good grace. five Bar in this part of the country, as I With these accomplishments, our bumkins could not but think we had been at least have been enabled to shine at country two hundred miles afunder. Indeed I did asemblies; though it must be conteiled, not know him at his first accosling me, as that thee grown gentlemen stand fomehe approached Nowly to me with a distantly what in need of Mr. Duke's instructions. familiar air, and a sliding bow forward, Some of them have also carried their poand a “ Sir, your mos humble servant,” liteness so far as to decide a point of ho. instead of springing upon me like a grey.
nour with their swords; and at the last hound, and clapping me on the moulder town I passed through, I was told, there like a bailift, fqueezing my four fingers in had been a duel between a militia officer his rough palm, like a nut-cracker, and and the surgeon of the place, when the then whirling my arm to and fro, like the former being pricked in the sword-arm, handle of a great pump, with a blunt his antagonilt directly pulled out his falve. “How doit do?-I am glad to see thee"- box, and kindly drefied the wound upon and a hearty Damme at the beginning and the field of battle. end of it. Jack, you must know, by be Another necefiary qualification of a fol. ing a militia captain, is become a fine gen- dier, is, cursing and swearing; in which ileman; so fine a one, indeed, that he af- exercise, I afure you, our militia gentry feels to despise what he never knew, and are very expert. It is true, they had had asked me, if I had not, as well as himself, fome practice in it before they left their forgot all
native fields, but were not disciplined in It is true, that my friend Jack (I beg di charging their oaths with right military his honour's pardon, I Mould lay captain) grace. A common fellow may firear ishas had the advantage of an Oxford edu- deed like a trooper, as any one may let cation; and therefore it is not wonderful, off a gun, or puth with a fivord; but to that he has been worked, kneaded, mould- do it with a good air, is to be learned only ed, fine-drawn, and poliihed into a better in a camp. This practice, I suppose, was kind of pipe-inakers clay than the clots introduced among cur regiments, and toof which some of his brother offcers were lerated by the chaplains, that it might compofed. Yet these, I found, had in some familiarize them to the most shocking cirmeasure cast their flough, and put on the cumstances : for, after they have intrepidly martial gentility with the dreis: such are damned one another's eyes, limbs, blood, the surprizing effects of a red coat, that it bodies, fouls, and even their own, they immediately dubs a man a gentleman; as, mult certainly be fearlels of any harm that for intance, every private man in his ma. can happen to them. jesty's foot.guards is dignified with the title Drinking is another ablolute requisite of gentleman-foldier.
in the character of a good officer; ard ir To the honour of the militia be it fpo- this our militia are not at all deficient. ken, their oficers have made noble ad- Indeed they are kept to such contant duty vances in the military arts, and are become in this exercise, that they cannot fail of be. as great proficients in them as any of the ing very expert at it. No veterans in the regulars; I mean those arts particularly, service can charge their glasses in better which will render them an ornainent to order, or discharge them more regelarly their country in the time of peace. First at the word of command. By the way, then, with respect to dress and politenels this is the only duty that is expecied from of behavieur... The red coat, the cockade, the chaplain; and he is commonly as ready the shoulder-knot, and the sword, have to perform it as any of the corps. metamorphof our plain country 'quires Intrigue is as essential to a soldier as into as arrant beaus as any on the parade. his regimentals; you will therefore ima
gine the militia do not fall short of the water, be their distemper what it may. If tegulars in this military accomplishment, a man has a droply, they will not hesitate Every woman is regarded by them as law to give gallons of this element, as they do ful plunder; some they beliege by secret not scruple to give the stronge!t cordials fap and undermining, and some they take sometimes in tlie most violent ferer. by assault. It has been frequently a prac.
Though the faculty seem to agree, one tice in the most civilized armies, whenever and all, that every patient should visit fone they storm a town, not only to cut the watering-place or other in the summer, I thrcats of the men, but to ravish the wo- do not find they are settled in their opinimen: and it is from this example, I sup ons, what particular waters suit particular pose, that our officers think it an indir- disorders. I have visited them all for my pensable branch of their duty to debauch amusement; and upon conversing with the the wives and fifters of the inhabitants invalids in each place, I have found, to iny wherever they are quartered; or perhaps, great surprise, in Bath, Tunbridge, Brillol, considering the great loss of men we have and Brighthelinstone, many persons drinks sustained by sea and land, they are desirous ing the waters for the gout, bilious cliolics, of filling up the chasm, and providing re or weak nerves, as if the same effects coolt cruits for a future war.
be produced by steel, falt, and sulphur; The last circunstance which I shall men nay, a gentleman of my acquaintance was tion, as highly necessary in an officer, is, fent by different physicians to different the spirit of gaming. The militia officer places, though they were all agreed about was undoubtedly poflessed of this spirit in the nature of his case. I verily believe, if some degree before, and would back his a man would consult every physician in the own horses on the turf, or his own cocks kingdom, he would visit every sink in the in a main, or bye-battle; but he never whole island, for there is not an hole or thought of riking his whole patrimony on bottom in any county, that has not its a single card, or the turn of a die. Some falutary spring; and every spring has its of them have suffered more by a peaceful physician to prove, in a long pamphlet of fummer's campaign, than if their eftates hard words, that those waters are superior had been over-run, pillaged, and laid waste 10 any other, and that any patient, in any by the invader: and what does it fignify, disorder whatever, may be fure of relief, whether the timber is cut down and de- In short, we seem to have a second deluge, ftroyed by the enemy, or sold to satisfy a not by the wickedness, but the folly of ihe debt of honour to a sharper ?
people, and every one is taking as much But the rain is over, and I am glad of pains to perish in it as Noah and his family itaas I was growing serious, contrary to
did to escape it. my usual humour. I have ordered my The present thirst after this element, horse out and have some miles to ride which the physicians have created, makes so no more at present from
it necessary for them to send their patients Your constant correspondent, &c. to some waters in vogue; but the choice
B. Thornton. being left to the doctor, he is determined in
it by various circumstances: fometimes the $ 137On going to Bath, Tunbridge, and patient is sent where the best advice and af. orber Watering-places, in the Summer. fistance niay be had, in case the distemper Nunc eft bibendum.
hould increase; sometimes where the phySadlers- Wells,
sician of the place is a cousin or pupil of It has long been a doubt with me, whe- the physician in town; sometimes where ther his majesty loses more subjects in the the doctor has an eflate in the neighbouryear by water or by fpirituous liquors: hood; and I have more than once known I mean, I cannot determine within myself
, a patient sent to a place, for no other reason, whether Bath, Tunbridge, Scarborough, but because the doctor was born within &c. &c. &c. do less harm to the constitu- four miles of it. tions of my fellow-creatures, than brandy, I cannot easily suggest to myself any reagin, or even British spirits. I own, no- son, why physicians in London are fond of thing gives me more furprise in the prac. sending their patients to waters at the greattice of the learned in Warwick-lane, than elt distance, whilst the country practitioners their almost unanimously concurring in generally recommend the (prings in their ducking their patients in the fea, or drench- neighbourhood. I cannot come into the ing them with salt, steel, or fulphureous notion that prevails among many perfons,
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that some of the faculty in London divide ber of miles : to repeat the same number of the fees with those they recommend in the pills at eight, and to work them off with a country, like the lawyers who deal in pint of ale, without the use of his pipe, and agency: but I am induced to think that, as the like number at ten o'clock, going to they are conscious the waters are out of the bed. The baker kept his word with the case, they hope the exercise and change of doctor, and the doctor kept his with the air in a long journey will lay the ground- patient; for, at the end of the month, the work of that cure, which the temperance honest fellow was in as good health, and and dissipation prescribed by the doctor enjoyed as high spirits, as when he was a may posibly perform: on this account boy. The chcapness of his cure induced they decline sending their patients to Sad- the baker to enquire of his doctor, by what lers-Wells, Powis-Wells, Pancras-Wells, wonderful medicine fo fpeedy and perfect Acton Wells, Bagnigge-Wells, the Dog a cure had been effected. The doctor, and Duck, or Illington-Spa, which are as which is another proof of his not being refalutary as those of Bath or Tunbridge for' gularly bred, told him, the pills were made patients who live at a distance, and who of his own loaf covered with gold leaf; and can receive no benefit from the wells and added, if he would take the same medicine, spas in their neighbourhood.
and follow the same directions, whenever Another circumitance confirms me in the his relapfing into his former course of life opinion, that the waters of any spa do no should bring on the like disorder, he might thing more towards the cure than what is be sure of as speedy and effectual a cure. to be had from any pump whatsoever. I I should, however, want gratitude, as well never found the inhabitants of the place ap- as candour, if I did not acknowledge a very pear at the springs and wells with the com lasting obligation Ilie under to Tunbridgepany of foreigners; and I have seen many waters: my wife and I had lamented, for invalids among them complaining of cho two or three years, that the very good eflics, aithmas, gouts, &c. as much as the vi tate which I enjoyed would, probably, after fiters of the place; and if it is said, that my death, go into another family, for want many who come to Bath on crutches go of an heir in my own. My wife was ade away without them, I have seen, more than vised to go to Tunbridge, and to drink the once, those very crutches supporting some waters for eight or nine months : we were miserable cripple of the town.
very much grieved to part for so long a It may be urged, that many cures have time; but tuch has been our amazing fucbeen performed at these public places; but cess, that the dear creature returned to me, whether they are to be attribuied to the at the end of half a year, four montis gone waters, or the air, exercise, and temperance with child.
B. Thornton prescribed by the doctor, will apppear from the following story.
§ 131. The faint-hiarted Lover, An honeft country baker having, by his Sir, close and anxious application to business in I do not doubt but every one of your the day-tine, and a very constant atiend- readers will be able to judge of my case, as, ance at the Three Horse-shoes at night, con without queltion, every one of them either tracted a distemper that is belt understood has been, or is at prefent, as much in love by the names of the Hipor the Horrors, was as your humble servant. You must know, so very miserable, that he had made tiyo at Sir, I am the very Mr. Faint-beart detempts upon his own life; at lengths, by the scribed in the proveib, who never won fair persuasion of his friends, he applied to a lady: for though I have paid my
addresses physician in the neighbourhood for advice; to several of the fex, I have gone about it the doctor (I suppose a quack, by the low in so meek and pitiful a manner, that it fee which he demanded) told him, he would might fairly be a question, whether I was in cure him in a month, if he would follow his earnest. One of my Dulcineas was taken, directions; but he expected, in the mean as we catch mackarel, by a bit of scarlet; time, a new quartern loaf whenever he another was seduced from me by a fuit of Thould send for it. In return for the first embroidery; and another surrendered, at quartern, he sent a box of pills, with direc- the firit attack, to the long sword of an tions for the baker to take three at fix in Trithman.
My present suit and service is the morning fafting, after which to walk paid to a certain lady who is as fearful of four miles ; to take the fime number at fix receiving any tokens of my affection as I in the evening, and to walk the like num an of curing them. I am only permitted
to admire her at a diliance; an ople or a sence. If you, or any of your readers, can ker are all the advances i dars meke; ifl advise me what to do in this case, it will be move but a fingerit puts her all in a sweat; a lasting obligation conferred on and, like the fenditive plant, he would thrink
Your very humble servant, and die away at a touch. During our long
Timor IIY MILDMAN. courtship I never offered to salute her but
B. Thornton, once; and then she made such a wriggling with her body, such a struggling with her $ 739. A circumstantial Detail of every arns, and such a toffing and twiling of her Particular that paljed at the Coronation. head to and fro, that, in lead of touching her lips, I was nearly in danger of carrying off [In a Letter from a Gentleman to his Friend the tip of her nole. I even darcu at another
in the Country.] time to take her round the waist; but the Dear Sir, bounced away from me, and screamed out Though I regret leaving you so soon, eras if I had actually been going to commit a pecially as the weather has since proved so rape upon her. I also once plucked up line, that it makes me long to be with you courage sufficient to attempt squeezing her in the country, yet I honestly confess, that by the hand, but she refited my attack by I am heartily glad I came to town as I did. so close a clench of her init, that my grasó As I have seen it, I declare I would not have was presented with nothing but tharp- mifled the fight upon any confideration. pointed knuckles, and a long thumb-nail; The friendship of Mr. Rolles, who procured and I was directly after saluted with a vio me a pass-ticket, as they call it, enabled me lent stroke on my jaw-bone. If I walk out to be present both in the Hall and the Abwith her, I use all my endeavours to keep bey; and as to the procession out of doors, close at her fide; but the whisks away from I had a fine view of it from a one-pair of me as though I had fo:ne catching dillem- fairs room, which your neighbour, Sir Edper about me: if there are i ut three of us, ward, had hired, at the small price of one the eludes my design by skipping sometimes hundred guineas, on purpose to oblige his on one side and sometimes on t'other as I acquaintance. I wish you had been with approach her; but when there are more of me; but as you have been deprived of a us in company, he takes care to be shel- fight, which probably very few that were tered from me by placing herself the very present will ever see again, I will endeavour midmost of the rank. If we ride in a coach to describe it to you as minutely as I can, together, I am not only debarred from fit. while the circumstances are fresh in my meting on the fame fide, but I must be seated mory, though my description must fali very on the furthermoft corner of the seat oppo- snort of the reality. First, then, conceive fite to her, that our knees may not meet. to yourself the fronts of the houses, in all the We are as much at distance from one ano streets that could command the least point of ther at dinner, as if we were really man and view, lined with scaffolding, like so many wife, whom custom has directed to be kept galleries or boxes raised one above another asunder the whole length of the table; and to the very roofs. These were covered with when we drink tea, the would sooner run carpets and cloths of different colours,which the risk of having the contents spilt over preiented a pleasing variety to the eye; and her, than take the cup and faucer from me if you consider the brilliant appearance of any nearer than at both our arms length. If the spectators who were seated in them I mention a fyllable that in the least borders (many being richly dressed) you will easily upon love, the immediately reddens at it as imagine that this was no indifferent part of much as if I had let drop a loose or inde- the Thow. The mob underneath made a licate expression; and when I desire to have pretty contrast to the rest of the company. a little private conversation with her, the Add to this, that though we had nothing wonders at my impudence, to think that the but wet and cloudy weather for some time could trust herself with a man alone. In before, the day cleared up, and the sun Mort, Sir, I begin to despair of ever coming hone auspiciously, as it were in compliment to close contact with her : but what is stiil to the grand feftival. The platform, on more provoking, though the keeps me at account of the uncertainty of the weather, lo respectful a distance, the tamely permits had a shelving roof, which was covered with a strapping fellow of the guards to pat her a kind of fail-cloth; but near the place on the cheek, play with her hand, and even where I was, an honest Jack Tar climbed approach her lips, and that too in my pre- up to the top and stripped off the covering,
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