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and shall therefore make this paper a miscellany of letters. I have, fince my reaffuming the office of SpecTATOR, received abundance of epistles from gentlemen of the blade, who, I find, have been so used to action, that they know not how to lie still. They seem generally to be of opinion, that the fair at home ought to reward them for their services abroad, and that, till the cause of their country calls them again into the field, they have a sort of-right to quarter themselves upon the ladies. In order to favour their approaches, I am delired by some to enlarge upon the accomplishments of their profession, and by others to give them my advice in the carrying on of their attacks. But let us hear what the gentlemer fuy for themselves.
HOUGH it may look somewhat perverse, amidst.
the arts of peace, to talk too much of war, it is • but gratitude to pay the last office to its llanes, since even peace
itself is, in some measure, obliged to it for . • its being
You have, in your former papers, always recom-• mended the accomplished to the favour of the fair; and,
I hope, you will allow me to represent some part of a * military life not altogether unnecessary to the forming ' a gentleman. I need not tell you, that in France, • whose fashions we have been formerly fo fond of, al• most every one derives his pretences to merit from the • sword; and that a man has scarce the face to make his · court to a lady, without some credentials from the fer« vice to recommend him. As the profession is very an• cient, we have reason to think some of the greatest 'men, among the old Romans, derived many of their - virtues from it, their commanders being frequently in "o other respects some of the most shining characters of the . age.
The-army not only gives a man opportunities of exercising these two great virtues, patience, and courage, • but often produces them ir minds where they had scarce
any footing before. I must add, that it is one of the • best schools in the world to receive a general notion of.
markind in, and a certain freedom of behaviour, which
• is not fo easily acquired in any other place. At the • same time I must own, that some military airs are preta ty extraordinary, and that a man who goes into the army a coxcomb will come out of it a fort of public nuisance : but a man of sense, or one who before had not been • fufficiently used to a mixed conversation, generally takes • the true turn. The court has in all ages been allowed • to be the standard of good breeding; and I believe there * is not a juster observation in Monsieur Rochefoucault, • than that • a man who has been bred up wholly to busi
ness, can never get the air of a courtier at court, but “ will immediately catch it in the camp.' The reason of • this most certainly is, that the very essence of good• breeding and politeness confifts in several niceties, which
are so minute that they escape his observation, and he * falls short of the original he would copy after; but when • he sees the same things charged and aggravated to a fault, he no sooner endeavours to come up to the pat
tern which is set before him, than, though he stops • somewhat short of that, he naturally rests where in
reality he ought. I was, two or three days ago, migh
tily pleased with the observation of an humorous gen• tleman upon one of his friends, who was in other rea • fpects every way an accomplished person, that he want“s ed nothing but a dash of the coxcomb in him ;' by
which he understood a little of that alertness and un• concern in the common actions of life, which is usually * so visible among gentlemen of the army, and which a • campaign or two would infallibly have given him.
• You will easily guess, sir, by this my panegyric upon a military education, that I am myself a soldier; and
indeed I am fo. I remember, within three years after • I had been in the army, I was ordered into the country
a recruiting.. I had very particular success in this part • of the service, and was over and above assured, at my going away, that I might have taken a young lady,
who was the most considerable fortune in the country,
along with me. I preferred the pursuit of fame at that ' time to all other confiderations, and though I was not
absolutely bent on a wooden leg, resolved at least to get (a fcare or two for the good of Europe. I have at prefent as much as I desire of this sort of honour, and if
you could recommend me effectually, should be well enough contented to pass the remainder of my days in • the arnis of some dear kind creature, and upon a pretty • eltate in the country. This, as I take it, would be fol• lowing the example of Lucius Cincinnatus, the old Ro• man di&tator, who at the end of a war left the camp to • follow the plough. I am, Sir, with all imaginable re
Your most obedient humble fervant,
· Mir SPECTATOR,
Am an half-pay officer, and am at present with a
friend in the country. Here is a rich widow in the neighbourhood, who has made fools of all the fox• hunters within fifty miles of her. She declares she in• tends to marry, but has not yet been asked by the man " she could like. She usually admits hei humble admi'rers to an audience or two; but, after the has once given them denial, will never see them more.
I am afsu• red by a female relation, that I shall have fair play at
her; but as my whole success depends on my first ap'proaches, I defire your advice, whether 'I had best storm, or procced by way of sap. I am, SIR,
P.S. I HAD almost forgot to tell you, that I have • already carried one of her outworks, that is, secured her "maid.'
Mr SPECTATOR, I
Have assisted in several sieges in the Low-countries,
and being still willing to employ my talents as a soldier and engineer, lay down this morning at seven of • the clock before the door of an obstinate female, who « had for some time refused me admittance. I made a
lodgment in an outer parlour about twelve : the enemy * retired to her bed-chamber, yet I still pursued, and a<bout two of the clock this afternoon she thought fit to:
* capitulate. Her demands are indeed fomewhat high in
relation to the settlement of her fortune. But being in poffeffion of the house, I intend to infift upon charte • blanche, and am in hopes, by keeping off all other pre• tenders for the space of twenty-four hours, to starve • her into a compliance. I beg your speedy advice, and "am,
• FROM my camp in Red-Lion Square, Saturday, * four in the afternoon.'
Wednesday, July 14.
------ Inceptus clamor fruftratur hiantes.
Virg. Æn. 6. v. 498.
------The weak voice deceives their gifping throats.
HAVE received private advice from some of my cor
respondents, that if I would give my paper a general run, I should take care to season it with scandal. I have indeed observed of late, that few writings fell which are not filled with great names and illustrious titles. The reader generally casts his eye upon a new book, and if he finds feveral letters separated from one another by a dash, he buys it up, and peruses it with great satisfaction. An M and an h, a T and an r, with a short line between them, bas sold many an insipid pamphlet. Nay, I have known a whole edition
off by virtue of two or three well written &c-o's. A SPRINKLING of the words fačtion, Frenchman, Papift, plunderer, and the like significant terms, in an Ita-, lic character, have also a very good cffect upon the eye of the purchaser; not to mention fcribbler, liar, rogue, rascal, knave, and villain, without which it is impoffible to carry on a modern controversy.
Our party-writers are so sensible of the secret virtue of an innuendo to recommend their productions, that of late
they never mention the Q----- or P-.-.-.-t at length, though they speak of them with honour, and with that deference which is due to them from every private perfon. It gives a secret satisfaction to a peruser of thefe mysterious works, that he is able to decipher them without help, and by the strength of his own natural parts, to fill up a blank space, or make out a word that has only the first or last letter to it.
Some of our authors indecd, when they would be more fatirical than ordinary, omit only the vowels of a great man's name, and full most unmercifully upon all the confonants. This way of writing was firit of all introduced hy T-mn Br-wn, of facetious memory, who, after having gutted a proper name of all its intermediate vowels, used to plant it in his works, and make as free with it as he pleased, without any danger of the statute.
THAT I may imitate these celebrated authors, and publish a paper which shall be more taking than ordinary, I have here drawn up a very curious libel, in which a reader of penetration will find a great deal of concealed satire, and, if he be acquainted with the present posture of affairs, will easily discover the meaning of it.
* If there are four persons in the nation who endeavour to bring all things into confusion, and ruin their native country, I think every honest Engl-f1m-12 ought 'to be upon his guard. That there are such, every one • will agree with me, who hears me name ***, with his • first friend and favourite ***, not to mention ***, nor • ***. These people may cry ch-rch, ch-rch, as long
as they please, but to make use of a homely proverb, • The proof of the p-dd-ng is in the eating. This I am • sure of, that if a certain prince should concur with a ' certain prelate, (and we have Monsieur Z--------n's • word for it), our pofterity would be in a sweet p-ckle. • Must the British nation suffer forsooth, because my lady Q-p-t-s has been disobliged? Or is it reafonable
that our English fleet, which used to be the terror of • the ocean, should lie wind-bound for the sake of a • I love to speak out and declare my mind clearly, when • I am talking for the good of my country. I will not
make my court to an ill man, though he were a B---y or * a T- Nay, I would not stick to call so wretched