.not hurt me with my gentle readers.

Afk all the mer

chants who act upon confignments, Where is the neceffity (if they answer readily what their correfpondents draw) of their being wealthy themselves? Ask the greatest bankers, if all the men they deal with were to draw at once, what would be the confequence? But indeed a country friend has writ me a letter which gives me great mortification; wherein I find I am so far from expecting a fupply from thence, that fome have not heard of me, and the reft do not understand me: His Epistle is as follows:

Dear Coufin,

Thought, when I left the town, to have raifed your fame here, and helped you to fupport it by "intelligence from hence; but alas! they had never "heard of the Tatler until I brought down a fet. I lent "them from houfe to houfe, but they asked me what "they meant. I began to enlighten them, by telling "who and who were fuppofed to be intended by the "characters drawn. I faid, for inftance, Chloe and "Clariffa are two eminent Toafts. A Gentleman (who "keeps his greyhound and gun, and one would think "might know better) told me, he fuppofed they were 66 Papishes, for their names were not English. Then, "faid he, why do you call live people Toafts? I an"fwered, that was a new name found out by the Wits, "to make a Lady have the fame effect, as burridge in "the glass when a man is drinking. But, fays I, Sir, "I perceive this is to you all Bamboozling; why, you "look as if you were Don Diego'd to the tune of a thou "fand pounds. All this good language was loft upon "him: He only ftared, though he is as good a scholar as any layman in the town, except the barber. Thus, “Coufin, you must be content with London for the cen"ter of your wealth and fame; we have no relish for 66. you. Wit must describe its proper circumference, and "not go beyond it, left (like little boys, when they ftraggle out of their own parish) it may wander to places where it is not known, and be loft. Since it is fo, you must excufe me that I am forced at a. vifit

65

"to fit filent, and only lay up what excellent things 66 pafs at fuch converfations."

This Evening I was with a couple of young La"dies; one of them has the character of the prettiest company, yet really I thought her but filly; the other, who talked a great deal lefs, I obferved to have understanding. The Lady, who is reckoned such a "companion among her acquaintance, has only, with a very brifk air, a knack of faying the commoneft "things: The other, with a fly ferious one, fays home things enough. The firft, Miftrefs Giddy, is very "quick; but the fecond, Miftrefs Slim, fell ito Giddy's own style, and was as good company as fhe. Giddy "happens to drop her glove; Slim reaches it to her. "Madam, fays Giddy, I hope you will have a better "office. Upon which Slim immediately repartees, and "fits in her lap, and cries, are you not forry for my "heaviness? The fly wench pleafed me, to fee how the

66

66

hit her height of understanding fo well. We fat "down to fupper. Says Giddy, mighty prettily, two "hands in a difh, and one in a purfe: Says Slim, Ay, "Madam, the more the merrier; the fewer the better chear. I quickly took the hint, and was as witty and talkative as they: Says I,

"He that will not when he may,

"When he will, he shall have nay;

"And fo helped myfelf. Giddy turns about; What * have you found your tongue? Yes, fays I, it is manners to speak when I am spoken to; but your greatest "talkers are the leaft doers, and the ftill fow eats up "all the broth. Ha! ha! fays Giddy, one would think "he had nothing in him, and do you hear how he talks, when he pleafes! I grew immediately roguish and "pleasant to a degree, in the fame train. Slim, who knew how good company we had been, cries, you "will certainly print this bright conversation."

It is fo; and hereby you may fee how fmall an appearance the prettiest things faid in company make, when in print.

St.

St. James's Coffee-house, June 20.

A mail from Lifben has brought advices, of June the twelfth, from the King of Portugal's army encamped at Torre Allegada, which informs us, that the General of the army called a court martial on the fourth at the camp of Ferumena, where it was refolved, to march with a defign to attempt the fuccour of Olivenza. Accordingly the army moved on the fifth, and marched towards Badajos. Upon their approach, the Marquis de Bay detached fo great a party from the blockade of Olivenza, that the Marquis das Minas, at the head of a large detachment, covered a great convoy of provifions towards Olivenza, which threw in their ftores, and marched back to the main army, without moleftation from the Spaniards. They add, that each army muft neceffarily march into quarters within twenty days.

"Whofoever can discover a Surgeon's apprentice who "fell upon Mr. Bickerstaff's meffenger, or (as the Prin"ters call him) Devil, going to the prefs, and tore out "of his hand part of his Effay againft. Duels, in the "fragments of which were the words, you lye, and 68 man of honour, taken up at the Temple-Gate, and "the words, Perhaps,May be not,By your "leave, Sir,- and other terms of provocation, taken 66 up at the door of Young Man's Coffee-houfe, fhall re"ceive fatisfaction from Mr. Morphew, befides a set of "arguments to be fpoken to any man in a paffion, "which, if the faid enraged man liftens to, will prevent quarrelling.

"Mr. Bickerstaff does hereby give notice, that he has "taken the two famous Univerfities of this land under his immediate care, and does hereby promise all tutors and pupils, that he will hear what can be faid of each fide between them, and to correct them impartially, by placing them in orders and claffes in the learned world, according to their merit."

Thursday,

N° 32.

Thursday, June 23, 1709.

A

White's Chocolate-house, June 22.

N answer to the following Letter being abfolutely neceffary to be difpatched with all expedition, I muft trefpafs upon all that come with horary questions into my anti-chamber, to give the Gentleman my opinion.

I

SIR,

To Ifaac Bickerflaff, Efquire.

June 18, 1709.

Know not whether you ought to pity or laugh at me; for I am fallen defperately in love with a pro"feffed Platonne, the most unaccountable creature of "her Sex. To hear her talk feraphics, and run over "Norris, and Moor, and Milton, and the whole fet of "intellectual triflers, torments me heartily; for, to a "Lover who understands metaphors, all this pretty

prattle of Ideas gives very fine views of pleasure, "which only the dear declaimer prevents, by under"ftanding them literally: Why fhould fhe wifh to be 46 a cherubim, when it is flesh and blood that makes her "adorable? If I fpeak to her, that is a high breach of "the idea of Intuition. If I offer at her hand or lip, "fhe fhrinks from the touch like a fenfitive plant, and "would contract herself into mere Spirit. She calls "her chariot, vehicle; her furbelowed fcarf, pinions; "her blue manteau and petticoat is her azure drefs; "and her footman goes by the name of Oberon. It is my misfortune to be fix feet and a half high, two full fpans between the shoulders, thirteen inches diameter " in the calves; and, before I was in love, I had a "noble stomach, and ufually went to bed fober with

two bottles. I am not quite fix-and-twenty, and my nofe is marked truly aquiline. For thefe reafons, I am in a very particular manner her averfion.

What

fhall I do? impudence itself cannot reclaim her. If I write miferably, the reckons me among the children "of perdition, and difcards me her region: If I affume "the grofs and fubftantial, fhe plays the real ghoft with and vanishes in a moment. I had hopes in the "hypocrify of her Sex; but perfeverance makes it as "bad as fixed averfion. I defire your opinion, whether

66 me,

I may not lawfully play the Inquifition upon her, "make ufe of a little force, and put her to the rack and torture, only to convince her, fhe has really fine limbs, without fpoiling or diftorting them. I expect * your directions, before I proceed to dwindle and fall 66 away with defpair; which at prefent I do not think "advifeable, becaufe, if the fhould recant, fhe may "then hate me perhaps, in the other extreme, for my tenuity. I am (with impatience)

You most humble fervant,

Charles Sturdy.

My Patient has put his cafe with very much warmth, and reprefented it in fo lively a manner, that I fee both his torment and tormentor with great perfpicuity. This order of Platonnic Ladies are to be dealt with in a peculiar manner from the rest of the Sex. Flattery is the general way, and the way in this cafe; but it is not to be done grofly. Every man that has wit, and humour, and raillery, can make a good flatterer for women in general; but a Platonne is not to be touched with panegyric: She will tell you, it is a fenfuality in the Soul to be delighted that way. You are not therefore to commend, but filently confent to all fhe does and fays. You are to confider, the scorn of you is not humour, but opinion in her.

There were, fome years fince, a fet of thefe Ladies who were of Quality, and gave out, that virginity was to be their state of life during this mortal condition, and therefore refolved to join their fortunes, and erect a nun

nery.